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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23333068">you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/roserelease/pseuds/roserelease'>roserelease</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cosplay AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Closeted Character, Complicated Gender Feelings, Confident Yuuri, Cosplay, Crossplay, Dancing, Demisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gay yearning, Getting Together, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Masturbation, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Victor Nikiforov, Oblivious Heartbreaker Katsuki Yuuri, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Past Abuse, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Thirsty Katsuki Yuuri, Thirsty Victor Nikiforov, Trans Character, Vicchan Lives, Victor spelled with a k, background Mila/Sara - Freeform, background christophe/masumi, background guang hong/leo, every character is a giant cosplaying nerd, gender fucking, gets real thirsty real quick tho, happy ending but still with a touch of sadness and longing, i'm sorry i'm so sorry, long distance flirting, mentions of other fandoms and nerd interests, not at all subtle flirting, references to abusive relationship, references to past shitty relationship, sexual content of some sort in future chapters, super enabling wingmen phichit and christophe, viktor learning to open up and live again, wholesome bonding over nerd interests, yuuri katsuki's sexual awakening</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:27:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>201,730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23333068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/roserelease/pseuds/roserelease</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>More than anything, Yuuri wants to impress his cosplay role model Viktor Nikiforov, aka Nike Cosplay. But after a horrible start to a convention weekend, he panics and backs out at the last second to meet his idol. Normally this would be fine, except Yuuri discovers too late that there's a little Viktor related secret inside the con vlog his best friend filmed over the course of the weekend for him...</p><p>It's fine, he thinks. Embarrassing, but not the end of the world. And it's not like Viktor himself will ever see the con vlog, so why worry?</p><p>(Except then Viktor does.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Christophe Giacometti &amp; Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont &amp; Katsuki Yuuri</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cosplay AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>745</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. so it all begins with a video...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinneaKou/gifts">LinneaKou</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Heyo! This is a fully-fleshed out fanfic of a thread I wrote sometime last year out of boredom. It's casually known as the YOI Cosplay AU, and it's going to be full of cosplay related things and a lot of feelings about gender! This is mostly going to be fun and games, there will be some angst and bad feelings but they're minor compared to my Mer AU, and they'll have very happy results. If you want to spoil yourself the thread is all collected in a moment on my twitter page, but if not, then I hope you enjoy the ride!</p><p>If you're not at all well-versed in the cosplay community, don't worry! I'll explain things as I go either in fic or in the author's notes. I'm going to write this as best I can for new comers. If I do forget to explain something, feel free to call me out in the comments and I'll remedy it asap!</p><p>Thank you to everyone who allowed me to use your username in this chapter! I hope the comment I assigned you doesn't put you off or anything. :' D</p><p>Titles is from "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls. Hell yeah, I went there. You'll find out why in the future.</p><p>One last thing: this fic is dedicated to my amazing girlfriend~ She knows why. ; )</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                     </p><p> </p><p class="western">A new video by <em>Terra Incognita Cosplay</em> is uploaded on Youtube late one Wednesday evening, almost two weeks after the con is over. Clocking in at over 15:38 minutes long, it's the last of four videos from the cosplay group's recent trip to Chihoko Con 2017. The thumbnail is a colourful shot of the group's four friends, dressed as characters from an older but still relatively popular anime. The words “MEETING OUR IDOL???” sits at the top in big, bold font. A picture of internet famous and long-time cosplayer Viktor Nikiforov, aka the man behind Nike Cosplay, takes up one side, with the rest of the thumbnail edited so that it looked liked the four friends are reacting with shock to the image of Viktor.</p><p class="western">At 8:49 minutes in, the camera zooms in on a cosplayer's nervous face. His attention is on Viktor Nikiforov himself, who is standing across the busy room at a large convention guest table. He's addressing a customer while garbed in a perfectly replicated costume of Loki, “Agent of Asgard,” from Marvel Comics.</p><p class="western">Two other friends stand by the nervous cosplayer, looking at him with quiet compassion.</p><p class="western">The cameraman's voice cuts through the background noises of the lingering Sunday crowd:</p><p class="western">“Time to get in line! Ready, Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">“I don't know,” the cosplayer – Yuuri – answers, biting the flesh around his fingernail, careful not to disturb the long and fake claw he's wearing.</p><p class="western">“He looks pretty friendly from here,” one of the other cosplayer's say, a laid back looking young adult with friendly eyes. “We'll be in line with you. We'll even do all the talking if you want.”</p><p class="western">It looks like Yuuri considers – but then he vividly shakes his head and begins to breathe shallowly.</p><p class="western">“I'm gonna stay here,” the cameraman says. “You guys go on ahead, we'll catch up later?”</p><p class="western">The other two exchange looks but then agree and head off to get in the line-up to meet Viktor.</p><p class="western">The cameraman turns the camera towards himself, one of his perfectly winged eyes winking as he says to the camera, “Okay, walk time it is. Back to the room we go!”</p><p class="western">The vlog continues on uninterrupted, with the group hanging around the convention like normal. There's clips of a last walk through the vendors hall and artist alley, of meeting up with other cosplaying friends for a last hug before they part ways until the next con. Yuuri keeps to the background for most of the remaining time until the final shot, where everyone is standing around “the con car,” packing up their things and readying themselves for the long drive home. They all wave to the camera and shout good-bye to their fans. The vlog then rolls the usual end credits, with thanks given to their patrons and links to previous videos.</p><p class="western">To their audience, that's the end of a nerdy weekend getaway.</p><p class="western">But there's an entire shot that is cut from the final version of the vlog, which is done at Yuuri's request. The shot consists of Yuuri and the cameraman lying down on a hotel bed. Their long, white wigs are thrown off, though their faces still bear tons of make-up. Yuuri's glasses are on his face, replacing the gold coloured contacts he had been wearing. The red lines and purple moon painted on his face almost look out of place without the rest of his head-wear to complete the picture.</p><p class="western">“You did your best, buddy-boo,” the cameraman says to Yuuri, looking at him with a small smile.</p><p class="western">“Not really,” Yuuri mumbles.</p><p class="western">“Hey now, no getting down on yourself. There's always next time.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grunts noncommittally. It's not said out loud, but it's not the first time Yuuri has attempted to meet his idol – and has failed to do so.</p><p class="western">The cameraman hums thoughtfully before he pokes Yuuri's cheek. Yuuri waves a half-hearted hand at him. “Phichiiiit. Stooooop.”</p><p class="western">“Not until you smile.”</p><p class="western">“I'm not gonna smile,” Yuuri mutters, biting his lip to keep from betraying himself.</p><p class="western">“Can I say something?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, sure.”</p><p class="western">“Your cosplays have only gotten better. I think you're more than ready to meet Viktor. So whatever your brain is telling you right now, I'm here to say it's a lying liar who lies.”</p><p class="western">“Sounds biased,” Yuuri deadpans, but his tone is a little lighter, a little more playful.</p><p class="western">“Biased?! Fam, look at this!” Phichit practically shoves the camera in Yuuri's face. “Look at that contour! That eye shadow! Perfectly blended and applied, all of it! You're the hottest Sesshoumaru I've ever seen.”</p><p class="western">“Phichiiiiit,” Yuuri protests again. “I'm not even wearing a wig right now. And this claw keeps wanting to come off. I look like a mess.”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins. “A hot mess.”</p><p class="western">“Now you're just contradicting yourself.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry, what was that? I was too busy getting lost in your deep brown eyes,” Phichit teases, fluttering his long eyelashes up at the older cosplayer.</p><p class="western">Yuuri playfully shoves at Phichit this time. “You're editing this out when we get home.”</p><p class="western">“Fiiiine. But only because I like you so much.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, yeah. You giant flirt.”</p><p class="western">“The biggest. Nap, then more vendors?”</p><p class="western">“God, yeah. I'll set the alarm.”</p><p class="western">The clip ends there. It's the first thing to go when they're home from the con and at work on Phichit's laptop. The clips regarding Viktor are almost cut completely, but after weeks of publically hyping it up in their streams and some private conversation amongst themselves, most of it is left intact, if only to maintain continuity and avoid drawing too much attention to the lack of closure. Yuuri's fine with it, mostly. Or he will be as soon as he can forget about it.</p><p class="western">After the final edit has been watched through by Phichit for mistakes or small things that could be edited out for privacy or pacing, the video is uploaded for their viewers to behold.</p><p class="western">The uploader's comments at the bottom of the video read: LAST VIDEO, GUYS! We had a blast this year and can't wait to return next year! See you all at our next con: DuettoCon 2017<b>!</b></p><p class="western">A relevant list of social media links follow beneath. And that's the end of that.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The vlog goes mostly forgotten until Yuuri, out of curiosity and bit of con depression, takes a peak at it late the next day.</p><p class="western">“<em>Phichit!"</em></p><p class="western">“What?” his friend shouts from the other side of the apartment. “Is this about the vlog? Because I didn't break any rules! All is fair in love and war and Youtube!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pokes his head in Phichit's doorway, glaring as he says, “When you said you were gonna keep the Viktor stuff in the vlog, I didn't think you'd use it as<em> clickbait</em>.”</p><p class="western">“It's fiiiiine,” Phichit replies with a dismissive wave of his hand, all while he continues to read through the new comments pouring in. He's lying on his stomach, relaxed as could be, as if he wasn't up all night editing. There's no time constraint for their vlogs to be released, not technically, but Phichit likes to get them out ASAP. People want to know how the con went the week of, not months later.</p><p class="western">Phichit adds, “It's not like he's gonna see it. And it's certainly not the first instance his image has been used like that. You of all people should know that.”</p><p class="western">“That's besides the point,” Yuuri mumbles, pushing his slowly slipping glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “It feels cheap and... wrong. Like we're using him.”</p><p class="western">“That's typically what clickbait is.” When Yuuri persists in glowering at his best friend, Phichit sighs long and dramatically. “Look, if he or his social media manager contacts us and tells us to change it, I will. I already have a backup thumbnail just in case.” He then whips out a good old fashion pair of finger guns and winked at Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“... Viktor has a social media manager?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“I dunno. Probably? My money is on yes.” Phichit shrugs. “The guy's so busy these days, I highly doubt he does all of the social stuff on his own. So, we good?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri scrubs a hand over his face. “Fine, fine. You know what you're doing.”</p><p class="western">Phichit continues to scroll through comments, grinning as he replies, “Don't I always?”</p><p class="western">“But... won't people be mad when they realize only Leo and Guang-Hong went and talked to Viktor?” Yuuri can't help but think of the previous vlogs, of old streams, where Viktor casually came up in conversation. Their whole fanbase knows how much Yuuri idolizes the older cosplayer. Anyone can guess that's the case just by looking at Yuuri's own work. Even if – or perhaps because – Yuuri took most of his inspiration from Viktor's earlier (and perhaps more controversial) cosplay days.</p><p class="western">“Naaaah. At best everyone is hopeful you will in the future. At worst they're just sad but understanding that you got too anxious to do it this time around.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri leans against the doorway, head tilted back to meet the door frame. “Well. So long as no one's mad...”</p><p class="western">“No one's mad, Yuuri. You worry too much.”</p><p class="western">“Anxiety,” Yuuri deadpans.</p><p class="western">“And how. I can't believe we forgot your meds after we left. What a disaster it could have been if we hadn't turned back.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. What a great start to the con weekend that was, turning back almost an hour into a long drive to race home and grab the last thing he should ever forget. But who is he kidding? He'd turn back for a minor piece of one of his costumes, too. And of course he'd do the same if anyone else from their group forgot something important.</p><p class="western">The only downside is that the minor incident put him on edge for the rest of the day, leading him to a less than enthusiastic start to the weekend. And the mood more or less carried over into the rest of the vacation, leaving him with the impression that he forgot something else, or that something was out of place, or <em>less than</em>, and honestly, it was too much to deal with before the group mustered up the courage to go see one of the con's biggest guests for the weekend.</p><p class="western">Constantly catching quick peaks of Viktor in his stunning costumes throughout the whole weekend only worsened the feeling exponentially. Yuuri's head just wasn't in the right place. His anxiety ruined everything, like it usually did.</p><p class="western">Is it pathetic that this was his third attempt at meeting his long time idol?</p><p class="western">Something just... always came up.</p><p class="western">But he can't let it happen again. He can't let his mind get the best of him every single time.</p><p class="western">“Next time,” Yuuri murmurs, more to himself than his roommate. “I'll introduce myself next time, when the timing is finally right.”</p><p class="western">“Next time,” Phichit agrees from across the room. He snaps his fingers. “Hey, you should totally do it in your Ruby Moon cosplay when it's done! I'm sure he'd get a kick out of that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles to himself. “Yeah. Maybe.” It's been <em>years</em> since Viktor crossplayed, but Yuuri has no doubt he would appreciate the work it took to become a whole other gender, let alone a fictional character. The more hopeful part of him can almost see the smile on Viktor's face, hear the trademark “wow!” he occasionally says in interviews when he's really impressed by something.</p><p class="western">(Okay, maybe that's getting his hopes up, but whatever, Yuuri will let himself have this much for now. He can reign his expectations back in later.)</p><p class="western">Phichit waves a hand, grabbing Yuuri's attention. “Come check out these comments with me? I need help replying.”</p><p class="western">“Sure, sure. Scoot over.”</p><p class="western">Phichit does so without looking away from his tablet. And then he suddenly begins to snicker to himself. “Shit, I can't believe I almost forgot about this. Hey Yuuri, have you actually watched the vlog yet?”</p><p class="western">“Not since yesterday when you were still editing it. Why?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, boy. You're gonna get a huge kick out of this.” Phichit hovers his finger over his tablet screen, and he looks up at Yuuri expectantly.</p><p class="western">Adjusting his glasses again, Yuuri looks the comment Phichit directed his attention to over.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Zrocqui    15 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>lmao omg I can't wait for yuuri to see viktor practically eye-fucking him through the screen, laaaawd have mercy</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's jaw drops. “Wait, Viktor did <em>what</em> in our vlog?! Phichit, you're kidding me. He did not...!”</p><p class="western">Except Phichit drags his finger over the video's red progress bar and finds the clip in question. Thirty seconds later and Yuuri's practically shoving a pillow into Phichit's face, his face beet red and absolutely <em>on fire</em>. Phichit comes back up for air a moment later, practically howling with laughter.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't believe his eyes. Viktor, dressed as Loki from that con Sunday, is smirking into the camera that Guang-Hong and Leo had when they were in line to meet him, totally playing up the mischievousness of his character. Viktor winks and purrs in the most seductive voice Yuuri has ever heard in his whole damn life, <em>“Hello, Yuuri. Don't be too afraid to come say hi next time. I promise I don't bite too hard.”</em></p><p class="western">(And of course the clip ends with Guang-Hong turning the camera back on himself and Leo, the teenager grinning as he sings to the screen, “<em>You're welcome, Yuuri!</em>”)</p><p class="western">Yuuri buries his face in a pillow and nearly screams.</p><p class="western">Phichit, all the while, continues to laugh his ass off. “Surprise! Guang-Hong sent me the clip late yesterday. He made me promise not to tell you right away. He thought it'd be a nice surprise for you after a pretty stressful weekend.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, it's a surprise alright!” Yuuri shouts into the pillow.</p><p class="western">“Wow, you were loud enough for me to actually hear that. You gonna put the pillow down?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri (and the pillow) both shake back and forth in a silent 'no.'</p><p class="western">“Aw, c'mon. Please? I swear that's the only surprise.”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri lowers the pillow. “You <em>clickbaited</em> a video where Viktor <em>teases me on camera.</em>”</p><p class="western">“It sounds bad when you put it like that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares.</p><p class="western">“It's not that bad,” Phichit insists, a hand pressed over his chest. “It's all in good fun. Look, he wants to meet you!”</p><p class="western">“No, he doesn't! He just said something funny because our friends asked him to!”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, partially? He doesn't personally know you, it's not like he's snickering to himself, thinking, 'I just tricked this rando into thinking I care about him on a personal level.' And don't tell me that's what you're not thinking about right now, because I can hear your thoughts from a mile away. He was just doing something nice for a fan. It's nothing actually personal. Well, besides it technically being a personal message.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri leans back against the headboard of Phichit's bed, head hitting the wooden board with a small thud. The first time Viktor has been made aware of Yuuri's existence as a human being inhabiting the same planet as him... and it's through a joke.</p><p class="western">(And a <em>sexy</em> joke, at that.)</p><p class="western">“I can't with this right now. This is too much. Clearly I've died on the ride home. Goodbye, world.”</p><p class="western">Phichit whistles. “Dramatiiiiiic.”</p><p class="western">“I probably took you down with me. But because of this nightmare, I'm not sorry in the slightest.”</p><p class="western">“Wow, okay. Dramatic <em>and</em> rude.”</p><p class="western">“Rightfully earned. Even though this is probably some final dream of mine before I die, this is still partially your fault.”</p><p class="western">Phichit shoots Yuuri a look skirting the line between amusement and annoyance. “Okay, okay, Yuuri. I don't wanna actually argue with you about this.”</p><p class="western">“Can't argue if we're both dead.”</p><p class="western">Phichit hangs his head, groaning into the soft, hamster patterned comforter of his bed. Several long seconds pass before Phichit lifts his head again. “Are you <em>actually</em> mad at me?”</p><p class="western">“... No,” Yuuri mumbles. “I'm just processing. This isn't exactly how I pictured this going down. Years worth of expectations just kinda got flushed down the toilet is all.”</p><p class="western">Phichit frowns. “I mean, I know you've been a fan for, like, ever, but is it that big of a deal?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shrugs, even though the answer is clearly a shrieking <em>“yes!”</em></p><p class="western">Phichit sets aside his tablet and hauls himself up, sitting properly next to his roommate. He faces Yuuri, expression actually serious now as he begins to talk.</p><p class="western">“Look, Yuuri. Just so someone in this room says it: this is not the end of the world. Viktor's probably forgotten all about this. You know how many fans he talked to on that Sunday alone? Because I sure as hell don't. There's tons of clips of him acting in character on Youtube alone, dating back to near the beginning of Youtube even. So when you do meet him, odds are high he's not going to connect the dots. Not unless one of us says something – and don't worry, we won't. I'll talk to the others and <em>make sure</em> we don't. If you really feel uncomfortable about this whole thing, I can take the vlog down and re-edit it, but I just need you to know that it's gonna be okay. This was just supposed to be a funny thing for you to laugh about, not... all this. You had such a shitty weekend. We just wanted to give you something to smile about.”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri feels the weight of Phichit's words pressing down on him, not at all heavy like one might expect, but rather comforting, reassuring, like one of Yuuri's weighted blankets. His stomach is still in knots, but now there's sound logic for his brain to latch onto. Even if it will take a long while before it properly absorbs into his system.</p><p class="western">Yuuri takes a deep breath in, holds it, then releases. “You're right. I'm being ridiculous.”</p><p class="western">“Hey, hey, no one said that. I should've shown you the clip before I put it in there. That's my bad and I own it. You're more than allowed to feel a certain type of way about that, okay? I should've known better. I got carried away in the excitement.”</p><p class="western">Unable to help himself, Yuuri still asks, “Are you mad at me?”</p><p class="western">Phichit smiles. “Not even close. Are you mad at me?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “No.”</p><p class="western">“We good?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “Yeah, we're good.”</p><p class="western">“Cool. And, before you ask, there really are no more surprises.”</p><p class="western">“Good. One surprise is enough for a year. Or in this case, a lifetime.”</p><p class="western">“I'll say. Still want to help reply to comments with me?”</p><p class="western">“Hmm. Maybe a few.”</p><p class="western">Phichit settles in next to Yuuri, tablet back in hand, and they go through the comments together, snickering at the more humorous and outlandish ones, responding more seriously to genuine queries.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shoves the thought of Viktor teasing him through a camera as far back in his brain as he can manage (which isn't all that far, but damnit, he can't let himself mull over it). His friends mean well. He knows they do. Even if their intentions sometimes brushed against something troubled inside him.</p><p class="western">It's fine. It <em>will</em> be fine. It isn't like Viktor is going to see it anyway.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>128 Comments:</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>LinneaKou    3 seconds ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>AW NO YUUUURRIIIIIIII</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>nihidea_art    4 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>wait did only gh and leo go see viktor?? D:</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>dia_dove    18 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>i wanna be...............where the cosplayers are.........................</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>MiraiMagical    15 seconds ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>INUYASHA COSPLAY IN 2017?!???!?!? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>mandolinearts    31 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>we're rooting for you yuuri!!!! there's always next time!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>impatvish    1 minute ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ok but that loki cosplay tho.........../fans self</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>celesteadore    2 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Peech, teach us your winged linger ways!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>_uaevuon    17 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>nothing's sexier in a man than a perfectly glued down lace front wig. Okay maybe some perfectly stitched applique but it looks like y'all got that covered too lol </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>katzuyas    3 minutes ago</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>........so are we not gonna talk about the mr krabs playing the titanic song on a recorder while rollerblading in the bkgd at 3:54?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cosplay Notes!</p><p>(Post) Con Depression: This occurs when you return home from a convention it's all over. The weekend is such a high of good feelings and experiences that you crash real hard once it's all over. People tend to feel sad and wish to go back in time to the convention and relive it all over again. Also coincides with being physically and mentally worn out from how high-energy the convention was. Doesn't happen to everyone or everytime, but it's pretty common.</p><p>con vlog: it's basically a vlog (video blog) that cosplayers make of their convention weekends. There's typically lots of footage of the day or night before the convention starts, traveling, waiting in coffee shops in costumes, getting ready the day/s of, and anything they find or remember to film during the actual convention itself. If you haven't watched any before, I highly recc them. It's wild to watch people start the weekend so full of energy only to wind up supremely exhausted by Sunday lol. Especially if you want to get an idea of how weird conventions can be.</p><p>Crossplay: it's cosplay, but when someone dresses up as a character of a different gender. There's some mixed feelings in the community about it (especially about amab people dressing as feminine/lady characters), but it's probably more common than is assumed? It's very common in anime fandom, for instance lots of women and afab people love to crossplay as pretty anime boys. You'll likely see it there first before anywhere else. (This is also anecdotal though, from what I've personally witnessed in my decade or more of cosplaying. I could be wrong about how common this is, or which fandoms have more or less of this.) People have warmed up to this time of cosplay, but I remember back when you used to get heavily criticized for doing it at all. The same criticisms still exist today, but there's also a much bigger push back against the needless gatekeeping.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ...a video a certain someone accidentally finds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW for some internalized body issues (i.e fitness and implied fat-shaming), and casual references to limited/controlled eating and some shame after Viktor indulges in carb and sugar heavy meal as a way of unwinding from something stressful. </p><p>With regards to body issues, anyone who is familiar with the cosplay community probably knows what a huge issue this is, and sadly Viktor is not immune to that pressure. There's a lot of pressure in the community to look and be a certain way, not just to cosplay at all, but to even cosplay certain characters. Like, god help you if you're a plus-sized woman and you want to cosplay a skinny character, regardless of what the actual costume consists of. Times are slowly changing and more and more people inside and outside the community are challenging these toxic ideas, but it's still very prevalent.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“That's it... tilt your head back just a smidge. Perfect.”</p><p class="western">
  <em>Click.</em>
</p><p class="western">Even after all these years, the sound of a camera shutter going off still makes Viktor's heart beat in the most electrifying of ways.</p><p class="western">Moving his body in just the right way to create the perfect illusion of fiction becoming reality, the split second of holding his pose before the moment is perfectly immortalized on film. And then the following anticipation for the finished product, where hours are dedicated to editing the photo just enough to smooth out small imperfections and make the colours truly pop in complimentary ways.</p><p class="western">The thrill of it all more than makes up for the weight of the heavy shark-like helmet resting atop Viktor's head, which also covers the entirety of his nose and blocks most of his line of sight. Or the fact that the rest of his eyesight is also hindered by the yellow contacts he's wearing. <em>Or</em> how hot his skin feels under all of the spandex and face paint, how hyper aware he is of each and every small accessory that adorns his body.</p><p class="western">(God help him if anything falls off and into the water. It's getting too dark to be able to find anything he might lose.)</p><p class="western">He'd probably be sweating a lot harder if not for the anti-sweat finishing powder he applied on his face, but it feels manageable for the moment. And thank the cosplay gods for that, because it took him <em>hours</em> to complete his face alone. He'll get faster in due time, but as is the case with new costumes like this one, the process of getting into it will be slow for a little while. He's still feeling out how the costume sits on his body and works with his natural features.</p><p class="western">But Viktor had been careful like always, meticulous in his application. Not a single pigment can be out of place. Not when his livelihood depends on how good he looks. For all intents and purposes, for however long he wears this particular costume, he's no longer Viktor Nikiforov, an ordinary human that happened to exist on planet Earth, but the gentlemanly and charismatic Prince Sidon from a video game fantasy world that exists only in the hearts and minds of others. Well, and a game card.</p><p class="western">He can almost see it now: the comments, the likes, the sheer awe when he finally debuts the costume online. WIPs exist on his patreon, his die hard fans know it's coming, and yet he suspects they will be excited all the same once the finished product can finally be seen in its full glory. They always are.</p><p class="western">Their reactions make it all worth it. Having his craft witnessed and validated by thousands feels like nothing else.</p><p class="western">The fact that his carefully honed skills also put food on the table and help keep a roof over his head only make it that much better. He's incredibly lucky and grateful for that, and he will continue to show his gratitude with each new costume for others to fawn over.</p><p class="western">Standing in the river water at sundown, wet and starting to shiver, yet still trying to remain perfectly poised and regal for the camera, is there anything else he can feel but gratitude that this is his life now?</p><p class="western">(Except...</p><p class="western">For a brief moment a different character from the same fantasy world flashes in his mind, as it often does when he pours hours, days, <em>weeks</em>, into a new costume.</p><p class="western">This other character is smaller, a sibling to the noble Prince Sidon. Feminine and sweet and strong, and a little more on the tragic side.</p><p class="western">The familiar longing for something out of reach lurches in Viktor's chest, but he takes a breath and shoves it all the way back down, back in that unspeakable place, that hidden place.</p><p class="western">What he has on right now, what he's worked to create – it's enough. It has to be enough.)</p><p class="western">At Christophe's word, Viktor adjusts his pose, giving his friend and photographer another angle to work with, and he waits for the cathartic sound of the shutter to bring him back to reality.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“That, my friend, was a great shoot. I can't wait to start editing these photos in the morning.”</p><p class="western">Silent, Viktor closes the front door of his shared home behind him and practically collapses against it in an exhausted heap. Makkachin waits for him patiently at the door, letting out small boofs and licking excitedly at Viktor's uncovered hand in greeting.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles tiredly down at her and pets her soft fur. “Hey there, Makka. Papa's home.”</p><p class="western">Christophe's still talking, bending down briefly acknowledge his beloved cat, as he hauls his camera gear further into the house to be put away until his next job. Viktor continues to lean against the door, feeling out of it. The hallway light flashes on at the flick of a switch, and he grimaces at its brightness. After almost an hour of driving in the dark, the light is almost too much.</p><p class="western">He is, of course, still wearing most of his costume. The medium and small sized accessories and head gear, even his wig cap and contacts, were all shucked off long ago, but he hadn't bothered with the spandex or his face paint. He must look absolutely ridiculous.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles softly to himself. The in-between stage is always one of the more fun parts of cosplay. He loves the awkwardness of it. The liminal space between Viktor Nikiforov and Someone Else.</p><p class="western">How he likes to be Someone Else. More often than is probably healthy.</p><p class="western">“Viktor? You coming in?”</p><p class="western">“Coming,” Viktor calls out, finally standing up on his own two feet. A hot shower is calling to him.</p><p class="western">But first, he needs to take Makka out for a quick walk.</p><p class="western">“What? You're going out there like that?” Christophe asks when he sees Viktor hooking a leash to Makkachin's collar.</p><p class="western">Viktor grins. “Of course. What sort of dog-dad would I be if I made my sweet girl wait?”</p><p class="western">Christophe smiles and rolls his eyes. “All right then. Give 'em a show worth staring at.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just laughs. No one will be out there at this hour, not on his lovely little suburban street full of retired grandparents and young families.</p><p class="western">But all the same, he hopes he confuses the hell out of anyone who happens to glance his way.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's 1 AM, and Viktor is wide awake.</p><p class="western">The pieces of Sidon are safely put away. The accessories, the spandex, the paint, the shoes, every single piece, even though he knows he will be bringing it all out again in the near future for another shoot and some future events. Viktor is nothing if not neat and very conscientious with his livelihood. With as many intricate costumes as he has, he needs to be careful about where he lets them rest. Losing even a single piece would set him back, and he has an eternally tight schedule.</p><p class="western">Viktor strokes his hand through Makkachin's soft fur, listening to the soft snores of his best friend.</p><p class="western">He could be doing something fun. He could pick up his Switch and explore Hyrule for a few leisurely hours, a little reward for a costume well made, but he doesn't have the energy to focus on anything that requires thought and decision making.</p><p class="western">But he can't sleep. He's been trying for the last two hours, and all he is now is bored.</p><p class="western">So instead of resting, his mind naturally turns to its usual pattern: thinking about his plans for the next day.</p><p class="western">He needs to get up early for his 6 AM work out; he has to keep his figure toned and trim, especially for his more form-fitting costumes. (Jesus, the field day his fans and equally enthusiastic haters would have if he ever got out of shape.) Then he can eat the pre-planned breakfast that sticks to his strict diet and gives him enough energy to last until lunch, which is then... well, more of the same, actually.</p><p class="western">(Dinner isn't much more interesting, either. Food is energy and not much more in Viktor's life.)</p><p class="western">Most of the day will be spent working on the photos from his shoot with Christophe until they're ready for publishing. Then he needs to ride the Sidon hype all the way to the bank, because there are endless bills to pay and money he needs for the future. Oh, and then there are small, basic cosplay props and pieces he needs to stock up again for his next con. And there's cosplay prints to, well, print off. They're a huge seller at most cons, and relatively cheap to mass print as well. A smile and a signature makes quite an easy buck for his and Makkachin's livelihood.</p><p class="western">And then after that... The next costume, Viktor supposes. Whatever it will be. If a company doesn't commission him to advertise their work in the near future, then he will have to come up with something that will excite his fans.</p><p class="western">The thought of starting another costume so soon makes Viktor feel very, <em>very</em> tired. And hungry.</p><p class="western">His stomach rumbles quietly in the dark, and Viktor finds himself groaning. Fuck, he actually is kind of hungry. But it's far too late to be eating.</p><p class="western">Logic can't shut up a hungry stomach though, and what Viktor craves most right now is a juicy, <em>greasy</em> cheeseburger with extra cheese and bacon. Something he most definitely can't indulge in if he's going to fit in Sidon for the next little while.</p><p class="western">With a groan, he rolls over onto his side. When was the last time he ate one of those? About a month ago, when he had a particularly rough night with Sidon's headgear. He'd been forced to give up for the night, a rarity even for him, and in a moment of spitefulness he ordered in the very thing he craved now, with a large side order of fries and a thick chocolate milkshake to wash it all down.</p><p class="western">Christophe had walked in on him, mid-bite, bingeing an old anime favourite of his in the living room. With a drop of ketchup smeared carelessly across the corner of his mouth, Viktor had simply stated, “This is an official cheat night. It's been months, I've earned it. Any comments?”</p><p class="western">“None,” was Christophe's amused response. Without needing to be asked, he collapsed on the couch next to Viktor, and they'd proceeded to spend the rest of the night watching a cute little girl attempting to collect all of the Clow cards before her rival could. It had been a blessed break from the endless crunching.</p><p class="western">... And then Viktor got right back on the horse the very next morning, with an extra long trip to the gym to work off his moment of weakness.</p><p class="western">It was nice, though. To just eat what he wanted, do what he wanted. A giant middle finger to the mountain of endless work he created for himself.</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs aloud.</p><p class="western">Cosplay is still fun, cons are still fun, but... it's also not, sometimes. Or rather, the parts he cherished about it as a teenager no longer fit the current agenda.</p><p class="western">Viktor tries to remember the fun things he did do at his last con, and he comes up completely empty.</p><p class="western">And then he has an equally disturbing thought: does he honestly even <em>remember</em> much of his last con?</p><p class="western">What the hell did he do the entire time? He attended it, certainly. But he also worked the whole time. He met many new faces – though he's not sure a brief “thank you, see you around!” counts as <em>meeting </em>new people – and he even made quite a bit of money, but was there anything else he'd gotten to experience?</p><p class="western">Hard as he tries, Viktor can't recall anything past the artist alley he'd set up shop in. Being on his feet all day, sneaking bites of food and sips of coffee in between customers, just existing for others to take photos of and buy signed prints from – had that really been his entire experience?</p><p class="western">He didn't even attend a single panel outside of the one he was invited to co-host; he used to love panels way back when. And even that is a blur of faces in the crowd, of voices at the microphones asking him the same questions he hears at every con he attends. What was the panel even about again? Craft foam? No, no, that was the last con. This last one was about... Something. Embellishments of some sort.</p><p class="western">“Well, fuck,” Viktor mumbles to himself. Is he seriously old enough to be getting <em>memory problems </em>already? He's only twenty-eight!</p><p class="western">This is why he writes everything down in his planner. His brain is so stuffed with nerd crap and dog facts, there's no room for anything else.</p><p class="western">Makkachin lets out a sudden, loud snore. She rolls over in her sleep, her hind leg giving out a small but enthusiastic kick.</p><p class="western">“Stop showing off,” Viktor pouts. Why can't he be asleep too?</p><p class="western">Sick of doing nothing, he picks up his cell phone and goes immediately to Facebook, which he hasn't looked at since early yesterday. It's a total mistake. It's all more of the usual. Family members he rarely talks to are complaining about nothing yet again. The topic of the night appears to be Millenials and Gen Z and how grossly lazy and entitled they apparently are. His aunt in particular is pretty pissed off that one Millenial had the <em>fucking balls</em> to say “no problem” instead of “thank you” at the end of a grocery check out.</p><p class="western">Viktor barely resists the urge to roll his eyes. Awesome. He yawns, mutes his aunt, and then switches over to his business account.</p><p class="western">A little scrolling reveals a link to an interview he did at Chihoko Con, which was posted a few hours ago. Viktor is properly tagged, but he'd been too busy all day preparing himself to go play out in a river, so it wound up being buried in his other notifications.</p><p class="western">Bored and with nothing better to do, Viktor clicks on the link and watches to refresh his memory.</p><p class="western">Or he does, for maybe ten seconds.</p><p class="western">What he actually ends up doing is watching the background, observing the passerby's and the wide variety of costumes that appear briefly on screen behind him and the interviewer. He doesn't care about what's going on in the foreground. He even ends up forcing himself to ignore all of it. He'd just wind up criticizing each strand of wig hair that might of been out of place, or how the finer details of his costume look on someone else's camera, and that's the last thing he wants to be doing when he's supposed to be sleeping.</p><p class="western">(He even presses 'mute' on the video, cutting out the questions altogether. He doesn't even want to hear his own voice right now, if he's being honest. It's uncomfortably deep to his ears at times, and this is one of those nights where he wants to pretend it isn't so.)</p><p class="western">The video ends after a measly ten minutes (the interview felt far longer in person, funny that). Sighing inwardly, Viktor scrolls aimlessly through the comments and glances at the side bar full of recommended videos. Did anyone else upload videos of the con? Maybe he can vicariously relive the experience he didn't have through someone else's content. That's not weird, is it?</p><p class="western">He scrolls and scrolls, until he eventually comes across a video with a thumbnail that features <em>him </em>dressed as Loki<em>,</em> posing on one side with a few cosplayers on the other, all of them looking in his direction in shock. Viktor doesn't recognize anyone in the picture or even what they are dressed up as, though he's certainly seen those particular costumes around before.</p><p class="western">He also doesn't remember taking that specific photo in the thumbnail. But there were so many taken over the course of the weekend, perhaps he's forgotten this one as well.</p><p class="western">He stares at it, not sure how to feel in the moment.</p><p class="western">Then his eyes rise to the words at the top. “Meeting our idol?” he reads aloud. The title below the video reads pretty much the same, except for the part where it lists the video as “4/4.” Ah, so not the starting point then.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances to the side recommendations again, scrolling until the first part pops up. The thumbnail on this video features the same four young men posing with Starbucks drinks in front of a car. It's a diverse group of men, and they're all smiling. One of them even has their fingers up in a pair of bunny ears behind one of the other boys. The boy in question is oblivious, too busy posing amongst the other three for the camera.</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks as he takes the boy in question in. Oh... he's actually really cute. He has a soft, almost rounded face, messy ink black hair, and amber brown eyes that are framed by his blue-rimmed glasses. He looks Japanese, if Viktor's guess is right. Definitely a looker. The kind of attractive that doesn't slap you in the face from the get go, but rather sneaks up on you and leave you thinking about them long into the lonely night.</p><p class="western">... Or so Viktor thought, anyway. But what does he know? He certainly isn't one to sit up late at night thinking about boys.</p><p class="western">Viktor shifts his focus back on the thumbnail. It isn't like he has anything better to do, right? And he's admittedly curious to see how he played a part in these stranger's weekend.</p><p class="western">Maybe it will help him recall a fun piece of the weekend, too.</p><p class="western">Viktor taps his thumb on the thumbnail and waits for the video to load.</p><p class="western">The video opens with a blurry shot of someone slumped over a coffee table, arms splayed out, head flat against the wood. The room is dark but for the blue light of cell phones and a hallway light in the background. Scraps of fabric, hot glue guns, and feathery wisps of white wig hair are strewn all across the floor. Viktor spies a small set up in the corner, a sewing <em>and</em> a embroidery machine. Older models, well loved, but still looking to be in pretty good condition. Viktor whistles. Whomever they belonged to, they meant business.</p><p class="western">The voice from behind the camera begins to whisper:</p><p class="western">“Well, fam. Here's a helluva opening to the con vlog. It's two AM, and we <em>just</em> finished our Inu Yasha cosplays.”</p><p class="western">The figure slumped over the table groans, long and deeply.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes follows the camera's as it zooms in on a pair of long white wigs, styled and sitting on wig heads on top of a small kitchen table. Amusingly enough, someone had taken black sharpie to the faces of the wig heads themselves and drawn faces on them. One had sharp eye-linered eyes and a winking face, while the other had glasses and a small smile.</p><p class="western">“Leo and Guang-Hong finished theirs yesterday,” the same voice continues, “like sensible, good cosplayers. Which is what we're not.”</p><p class="western">The slumped figure groans again.</p><p class="western">“Think we should hit the hay, buddy-boo?” the cameraman asks the slumped figure. “We could probably get at least a couple good hours in before we gotta get up and get ready.”</p><p class="western">The young man turns their head and regards the camera with a thousand yard stare, the look of someone who has definitely put too much time and effort into a single project and is now regretting every life choice that has lead them up to this moment in time.</p><p class="western">Viktor lets out a small, sympathetic sound. The poor thing. He looks like he needs a week of sleep, not a few hours!</p><p class="western">“That's a yes, for you non-Yuuri linguists out there,” the cameraman says.</p><p class="western">The boy – Yuuri – just bangs his forehead against the table with a loud thud.</p><p class="western">“Same,” Viktor whispers out loud to himself. Who doesn't want to die after con crunch?</p><p class="western">There's a small noise in the background, something faint rustling, and then a brown toy poodle comes bounding into the room, rushing over to Yuuri. They stand up on their hind legs to try and reach Yuuri's face, tongue out and licking at any skin they find.</p><p class="western">“Ah, Vicchan!” Yuuri yelps, but he grins tiredly and takes the precious thing into his arms. “No, not play time. Sleep time. Settle down now, okay?”</p><p class="western">The puppy – Vicchan – just lets their tongue loll out of their mouth as they breathe heavily.</p><p class="western">Yuuri chuckles and pets the beloved pupper.</p><p class="western">Viktor presses a hand to his chest, bottom lip bitten into his mouth. Oh. Oh, no. Yuuri's cute <em>and</em> he has a poodle. That's marriage material, right there.</p><p class="western">(No! No crushes! Yuuri's a complete stranger. Viktor can look but he must forget by morning.)</p><p class="western">“He just wants to make sure you're sleeping next to him tonight,” Phichit coos, reaching out to also pet the small dog.</p><p class="western">Yuuri huffs a weak laugh. “Fine, fine. You win. Bed time it is. C'mon, Vicchan. See you in the morning, Phichit.”</p><p class="western">“See you in the morniiiiiing,” Phichit sings back to his roommate. The clip fades to black.</p><p class="western">The scene changes. It's daytime now, early afternoon by the looks of it.</p><p class="western">The other two members of the four-person group are now entering the apartment, Yuuri holding the front door open for them. There's Starbucks drinks in each of their hands. The new members look a little younger than the first two, though not by much. Viktor squints. Wait, does he recognize them? Something in his brain says yes, but he can't pinpoint where exactly he knows them from.</p><p class="western">(Well, the con, obviously, but when and who had they been during the weekend?)</p><p class="western">“God bless you!” Phichit praises as he's handed his Venti cold brew by the friendly looking Latino boy.</p><p class="western">“And a Trenta iced coffee for our favourite, most reliable con driver,” the last boy (Guang-Hong? Viktor guesses) says. He hands the extremely large drink to Yuuri, who presses his face into the cold plastic and starts to make not-quite crying noises.</p><p class="western">(Oh, no. That's <em>super </em>cute.)</p><p class="western">“Bless you, Guang-Hong,” Yuuri says as soon as he's able to collect himself, confirming Viktor's assumption. So the other boy must be Leo.</p><p class="western">The camera's focus swings around and onto the cameraman himself, a Southeast Asian boy with perfectly winged eyes and a friendly face. Viktor instantly recognizes him as the boy from the thumbnail giving his friend the bunny ears.</p><p class="western">And then Viktor spies the make-up the boy is already wearing, and he gasps to himself.</p><p class="western">“Oh. Like the wig heads!”</p><p class="western">It's a small detail, not relevant to anything, but he imagines the two boys drawing on the wig heads one bored day, personalizing them for every wig they slip onto it, and it warms Viktor up inside. He can't remember the last time he did something like that. Not since he was a teenager, maybe. Back in the “this is only a very, <em>very</em> expensive hobby that I do with my friends on weekends” days.</p><p class="western">“Okay! Crew's all here, everything is packed. Yuuri, got everything?” the cameraman spins the camera onto Yuuri, waiting for his response.</p><p class="western">Yuuri just pushes his glasses up his nose and cheekily replies, “<em>Yes</em>, mom. Got my keys, got the costumes, confirmed everything with the dogsitter. I'm all ready to go. I made sure of everything last night. ”</p><p class="western">“You mean this morning.”</p><p class="western">“Shhhhh. Last night.”</p><p class="western">“It's 'last night' if it was before you went to bed,” Leo confirms before taking a sip of his hot coffee, his tone serious despite the mischievous gleam in his eyes.</p><p class="western">“Noooot helping,” Phichit shoots back, but he's laughing. He takes a long, deep sip of his cold brew and lets out a satisfied sigh. “Okay! Time to get going. Inu Yasha vacation is a go! We'll see everyone at the con!”</p><p class="western">There's a sped up montage of the four loading up a car with their luggage and cosplays, and though cute music plays over the footage and replaces the actual audio, Viktor still smiles at the sight of the four clearly having fun at the beginning of their trip. There's lots of finger pointing (accusations of some sort?), over exaggerated shrugging, even a quick, almost blink-and-miss-it moment where Yuuri just arches his brow in the background of Phichit and Guang-Hong talking and sips his iced coffee suggestively, as though he just heard some hot take that he's intelligently decided not to comment on.</p><p class="western">The scene that follows is more serene: the view of the highway and vast fields of trees with more calm music playing over top it. There's other clips inserted of Phichit continuing to drink his cold brew, of Guang-Hong asleep with his head on Leo's shoulder.</p><p class="western">It's all very chill and cozy. Like spending quiet quality time with a group of good friends.</p><p class="western">Viktor wishes his travels were more like that. He has too much stock and merchandise to worry about, let alone his own costumes and accommodations. Christophe goes with him, rarely does he not take the chance to, but the atmosphere is very different. More work than a vacation.</p><p class="western">It's nice to return what a convention used to be like through these four, even if it's only through his phone.</p><p class="western">Viktor buries deeper into his bed, snuggling into his thick comforter, ready to see what the group of young men do next. (What's an Inu Yasha? He can't wait to find out.)</p><p class="western">Except he's then slapped in the face with massive mood whiplash when the next clip is of the four hanging about a dark hotel room.</p><p class="western">There's a mess of bags and luggage in the corner, taking up the desk and spilling onto the floor. Everything is bathed in relative darkness; only one lamp on a night table is turned on.</p><p class="western">Yuuri is sitting on the side of a bed closest to the lamp in question, just staring at his hands in his lap and not meeting anyone's eye. Leo and Guang-Hong are out of sight but Viktor can hear them talking softly in the background, catching words like 'open' and 'pizza.' Viktor's eyes search for the digital clock the hotel would have provided, and his brow raises when he reads the numbers as past nine.</p><p class="western">The camera turns toward Phichit, who wets his lips and makes a small popping sound. “So uh... we had an incident. But we're okay! It's nothing major. We just had a small snag in our plans. We were supposed to be here in time to catch pre-reg, but that ain't happening this time.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Viktor hears Yuuri say in the background.</p><p class="western">“It's fine, it's fine! I'm just glad we realized you'd forgotten your meds before we'd gotten here.”</p><p class="western">“We had everything perfectly planned out, and I fucked it all up,” is Yuuri's response. The hands in his lap have curled into tight fists.</p><p class="western">“I care way more about you feeling good all weekend than whether or not we stand in a line up on Friday instead of Thursday.”</p><p class="western">“But...” Yuuri starts, except he's interrupted by Leo coming into view, holding his own phone up.</p><p class="western">“Hey, we found a place nearby. We're gonna order and then head down?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, good.” Viktor can hear the relief in Phichit's voice. “Okay, lemme grab my wallet and...”</p><p class="western">But Leo waves a hand. “Nah, it's on me tonight. You hold onto that cash for your creepy body pillows.”</p><p class="western">“You're a coward and you know it,” is Phichit's equally teasing response. He turns the camera towards himself and points a finger straight at it, expression mock-serious as he lectures, “Listen, to everyone judging in the comments. I see you! And I can also see the mountain of body pillows you have of your cute anime husband that are all shoved deep, <em>deep</em> in your closet!”</p><p class="western">Leo shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah. What do you want on your pizza?”</p><p class="western">“Whatever you're having, darling. You know what I like.”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, don't let the boyfriend hear you say that,” Leo says. He glances at the other side of the room and laughs at what he evidently finds there. “You know he's joking!”</p><p class="western">Phichit gasps. “I'd never joke about our love!”</p><p class="western">“I'm going to throw a pillow at you!” Guang-Hong whisper-shouts off screen.</p><p class="western">“Big words for someone who isn't even near a pillow,” Phichit snaps back.</p><p class="western">“Fight me!”</p><p class="western">“We're leaving now,” Leo cuts in, and he walks off camera. Viktor hears the hotel door open and close, Leo's and Guang-Hong's conversation fading into nothing.</p><p class="western">Suddenly the room is too quiet with only Phichit and Yuuri there.</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks up for the first time since the clip has begun, and though he's eerily still, Viktor can just sense the strength it's taking in Yuuri to remain calm when he's clearly very upset. Whatever sort of medication Yuuri takes, it must be extremely important for him to be this distressed about almost forgetting them for a weekend.</p><p class="western">“Everything's okay, buddy,” Phichit says.</p><p class="western">“Everything's okay,” Yuuri repeats back with zero enthusiasm.</p><p class="western">“We're gonna eat some delicious, greasy carbs, go to bed early, and start the weekend off right. Our costumes are done. Pre-reg isn't until twelve, so we can sleep in a little bit. And if you're still feeling shitty tomorrow, then we can meet Viktor on a different day.”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Viktor whispers to himself. Just the mention of the cute boy on the bed <em>planning</em> to meet Viktor quickens heart with excitement. Somehow, in getting caught up in the con drama of these four strangers, he completely forgot the very thing that grabbed his attention from the start. This boy actually met him over the weekend.</p><p class="western">(Or... had he? Now that Viktor thinks of it, he doesn't remember him from the weekend at all. He knows his memory is a terrible, worthless thing, but he also likes to think he wouldn't forget a cute face like Yuuri's.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in a shuddering breath. Nothing about the smile he plasters onto his face is very convincing, but he sounds less strained as he agrees with a quiet, “Yeah. We'll do that. If that's okay with you.”</p><p class="western">(Viktor desperately wants to give this lovely boy a big, <em>long</em> hug. He hopes someone did over the course of the weekend.)</p><p class="western">“It's more than okay with me,” Phichit replies. “I'm sure the others will be fine with it too. Sound good?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah.” Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">“Okay, let's see what's on TV this late at night.” The television flickers on, bathing the room in more artificial light. “Holy shit, a Nick Cage movie! Is this the bee one?”</p><p class="western">“Oh God,” Yuuri chuckles. He settles onto the bed, legs curled up to his chest. “We can watch that one if you want. But it's really weird. He's in a bear suit at one point because, y'know, reasons.”</p><p class="western">“Sold!”</p><p class="western">The next clip is of the four of them huddled on their beds, two mostly empty pizza boxes sitting at the end of one bed. They're muffling their loud laughter into their hands. There's tears in Leo's eyes. The only one out of sight is Yuuri – he must be the one holding the camera. The camera slowly zooms in on Phichit's face, who looks distressingly more and more concerned as a torture scene plays out on the hotel TV. Phichit's eyes dart frantically between the camera and the TV, and he silently mouths the words, “<em>what in the fuck</em>.”</p><p class="western">In the bottom right corner pop up the words “<em>see you in the next part~</em>” in an overly fancy white font, a jarring but humorous stylistic choice when there's screaming and buzzing noises in the background. Viktor laughs softly to himself and makes a mental note to look up whatever the hell movie they were watching at a later date.</p><p class="western">Following the end of the last scene is a fancy cosplay photo of the four out in a field, dressed in costumes from an old anime that Viktor actually recognizes from his own childhood. There's links to other videos as well as the group owned patreon, but that's not what grabs Viktor's attention.</p><p class="western">He pauses the video before it can end and studies the photo. He searches for Yuuri, curious as to who he's dressed up as, but it's a moment before Viktor recognizes him. And when he does, his breath catches in his chest, because in that same moment he realizes that Yuuri is <em>crossplaying</em>.</p><p class="western">He's dressed as Kari Kamiya from Digimon (the second season, if memory serves right) with what looks to be a homemade plushie of Gatomon resting in his lap. Next to his friends, he sits on a large rock and is looking up and off screen, something like hope alight in his eyes. There's a soft, rosy blush on his cheeks and stylistic, precisely drawn eyeliner to strengthen the expressiveness of his eyes. God, and his lashes are so, so long. False lashes, or just a lot of mascara? (Or, Viktor thinks with a dry swallow, natural?) Although the wig Yuuri wears is short and styled simply, Viktor can still tell that love and care were put into making sure the bangs perfectly frame his soft face.</p><p class="western">It's not hard to suspend disbelief and see a young, teenage girl in him. Not in the slightest.</p><p class="western">“<em>Wow</em>,” Viktor breathes. How much work does Yuuri have to put into passing – does it come naturally? Is he one of the lucky ones who only needs a touch of make up while his costume and natural features do the rest of the work? Surely not, no one is <em>that</em> lucky. But looking at the image, Viktor's certain there's no heavy editing at work. Yuuri's features still look very much the same as they did in the rest of the video. It's a possibility that the group did go that far to alter even their video content, but Viktor has a gut feeling that's not the case.</p><p class="western">It occurs to Viktor that maybe Yuuri is just skilled enough at what he does that it <em>appears</em> effortless.</p><p class="western">That, somehow, makes Viktor feel nothing short of <em>giddy</em>.</p><p class="western">Like he's accidentally stumbled across a rare treasure out in the wild when all he expected that day was a simple walk.</p><p class="western">He immediately starts up the next video, eager for more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sidon is a character from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which released early 2017. He's a huge fan favourite because of his charming, noble personality and very attractive design. He's essentially a giant, sexy red shark prince who spends a lot of time hyping up Link/the player character and going on about how much he values their friendship. Guess how popular this ship is in LOZ fandom. Go on, I bet you can.</p><p>(For the record, Viktor ships it too.)</p><p>Sidon also had an older sister named Mipha. But that's all I'll say about her for now~</p><p>Con crunch is when a cosplayer pushes the completion of their costume as close to the convention was possible, either out of procrastination or a busy life schedule that doesn't give them enough time to properly work on it. Some people even finish their costumes IN THE FUCKING HOTEL ROOM the morning of the first day, or whichever day they planned to debut the costume! DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF. IT'S HELL.</p><p>Viktor refers to Yuuri's cosplay “Kari Kamiya” and not “Hikari Yagami” because he grew up with the Fox dub in the 90s and never really watched any of Digimon in its original form. Don't worry, Yuuri knows the difference. Someday they'll have a long chat about how much of a different beast the Japanese Digimon is from the American one lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. how far is too far?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ayyy this is the last chapter I have done before I have to return to work. Updates may slow down now, especially because I need to start working on my mer au fic again too. If all goes well tho, I'd like to get at least a chapter a week out for you? This fic shouldn't be horrendously long or difficult to write - it hasn't been so far - so we'll see.</p><p>Minor spoilers for Gurren Lagann, if you decide to look up the costumes but haven't watched the anime yet.</p><p>And the lyrics near the end of the chapter are from "G.U.Y" by Lady Gaga. Feel free to put the song on for that particular scene. ;)</p><p>The Horny (tm) officially begins in this chapter. Brace yourselves!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Eyes glued to his phone screen, Viktor buries the bottom half of his face in a spare pillow he clutches to his chest, smiling into the silk of his pillowcase as he watches four strangers goof off for an entire weekend.</p><p class="western">There's so many new faces appearing throughout the set of videos, all of them dressed up in lovingly made or commissioned costumes.</p><p class="western">The most notable ones are two girls in the second vlog who are dressed as a couple from a show Viktor only saw the first episode of months back (one of them is a twin, evident by the other twin lurking behind them with a displeased expression on his face).</p><p class="western">In a relatively calm hallway, they reenact a dance that their characters apparently perform in the show, while Phichit plays the presumably appropriate music off his phone. A few attendees either stop to watch with their own phones out or briefly glance back before continuing on, but the two girls keep dancing like they don't even care. The rhinestones on their costume glimmer endlessly on camera like stars in the night sky, and when they're done everyone claps and cheers. The two beam and hug each other, one of them kissing the other's cheek.</p><p class="western">“Couple goals!” Viktor hears Phichit shout from off screen, which makes everyone laugh.</p><p class="western">Viktor finds himself chuckling as well. The mood is honestly infectious.</p><p class="western">There's endless smiles and laughter, a lot of often quoted remarks that Viktor doesn't get but grasps early on are in-jokes amongst the community the group has created. There's amusing cuts in the footage, close ups on extreme facial expressions as weird things are caught or said on camera. And there a <em>lot</em> of strange things documented that Viktor doesn't recall ever seeing when he was there.</p><p class="western">The group at one point encounters a large group of Pokemon cosplayers and fans, who are all watching one person dressed as Ash Ketchum and another dressed as a Team Rocket grunt play out an actual Pokemon battle on their 3DS's. Someone has the original battle music from the video game blaring on a small boom box hoisted up on their shoulder. The crowd surrounding the duo shout for either opponent and fist-punch the air as the two cosplayers shout out their Pokemon's commands dramatically.</p><p class="western">Guang-Hong steps in front of the camera to shout, “I knew we should've brought our starter gijinkas! The <em>one</em> time we don't bring them and this happens!”</p><p class="western">Behind him, Leo laughs, “Next con.”</p><p class="western">But Yuuri reminds them, “We still have to fix <em>five</em> different things on yours.”</p><p class="western">Leo grimaces.</p><p class="western">“It's almost seven,” Phichit cuts in, loud enough to be heard over the crowd. “I think Viktor leaves his table pretty soon? Should we go see if the line up has cleared up yet?”</p><p class="western">(Viktor's heart leaps in his chest.)</p><p class="western">Except the smile on Yuuri's lips is gone in the blink of an eye, and it gives the answer away before Yuuri can. “Uh. Maybe tomorrow. He's probably tired after day one, and I don't want to bother him.”</p><p class="western">“You think?” Leo asks, a hidden question in his tone.</p><p class="western">“He could be,” Guang-Hong grants. “Day one and two are usually the busiest.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Phichit yields, “let's try again tomorrow.”</p><p class="western">It's a little disappointing, Viktor privately admits, but he knows how off Yuuri was the night before, and there's still two more videos to go. At some point Viktor makes an appearance in the weekend.</p><p class="western">So when the second vlog ends, he clicks on the third one and keeps going.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">With each video Viktor clicks on, he's excited to see what the four decide to wear for the day.</p><p class="western">In the second vlog everyone dressed up as characters they apparently play in a DND game they're involved with. Well, everyone except Yuuri that is. Oddly he skips cosplaying that day, and the vlog doesn't spend anytime explaining why other than for Yuuri giving the camera a shrug while everyone is busy getting ready.</p><p class="western">(Except Viktor can't help but notice an untouched costume sitting in one of the cosplay luggage, one that certainly matches the general aesthetic of the rest of the group.)</p><p class="western">The Digimon cosplays make a return during the weekend in the third vlog. Yuuri appears to be feeling better that day, because he dresses up with everyone else. And Viktor's glad that he does, because it steals his breath away to watch Yuuri move. He's not just wearing a feminine costume, but he's <em>living</em> it. His voice is pitched just a little higher, he moves more from the hips than the shoulders, he even keeps his elbows cinched a little closer to his waist when he walks. As much of his lifelong masculine habits are transformed as possible, and it's nothing short of <em>stunning</em> to watch in action.</p><p class="western">“Look at you go,” Viktor breathes into his pillow. Yuuri's dancing alone to a song all of his own, a dance few dare to even attempt.</p><p class="western">It reminds Viktor of days long gone, old costumes he no longer has in his possession, that stopped fitting him once his last teenage growth spurt really kicked in. His body just... changed. Too much. He outgrew it all.</p><p class="western">Part of him fears that the general convention crowd will respond poorly to Yuuri pretending to be a girl in their presence – Viktor's never forgotten some of the responses he got in his crossplaying days – but to his delight most people respond warmly to Yuuri's efforts. If they express surprise when Yuuri opens his mouth and talks in a voice deeper than expected, they let it slide off their backs like water and keep the conversation going.</p><p class="western"><em>Good,</em> Viktor thinks. He doesn't want to have to make a time travel machine to go and speak with any rude convention attendees.</p><p class="western">Although, if Yuuri keeps making those cute faces at the camera, he might just do it anyway, just so he can force himself to leave his table and seek the boy out in person.</p><p class="western">“Today?” Phichit asks over their dinner in the hotel room. Viktor doesn't have to wonder what the question is.</p><p class="western">Just like in the second vlog, Yuuri throws out some half-formed excuse that the rest of the group just accepts without a fight.</p><p class="western">Viktor frowns. So not the second convention day then. So do they meet on the last day?</p><p class="western">Except... Viktor's starting to suspect what the answer is - that maybe the reason he doesn't remember Yuuri from the weekend is because they most certainly <em>didn't</em> meet at all – but the more romantic side of him clings to the possibility of being wrong.</p><p class="western">Which is stupid. It's silly to be this invested in a stranger, to pin his happiness on the actions of someone else. He's too old to be pretending otherwise.</p><p class="western">And yet those feels swirl inside him all the same. In the dark of his room, alone with nothing but Makkachin, his phone, and a closet full of packed away costumes, there's a desperate part of him that needs to know that there's still surprises in life, that there's still little miracles out there that can bring back that spark in him.</p><p class="western">Viktor clicks on the fourth and final vlog.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The last vlog carries a different ambience from the rest.</p><p class="western">Everyone is dead tired from the night before. The last clip from the previous vlog was of the four of them, along with some invited friends, familiar from the second vlog, staying up and drinking late into the night, playing games and reminiscing about the weekend's events. Now they wake up in this entry worn out and barely able to drag themselves out of bed. The digital clock only reads 8 AM.</p><p class="western">Phichit buries his head in Yuuri's shoulder and makes a sound like he's in the throes of a painful, lingering death.</p><p class="western">“I know,” Yuuri rasps, his voice gravelly. He pats Phichit on the shoulder before reaching for his glasses.</p><p class="western">The troopers are still getting into another cosplay for the last day. Many people understandably skip out on the Sunday of a convention, but Viktor knows the same drive to keep right on going straight through to the end.</p><p class="western">The final cosplays for the weekend are the ones from the thumbnail, the same one that had sunk its claws into Viktor's brain and hauled his attention over to them.</p><p class="western">“Inu Yasha day!” Phichit shouts from the bathroom, more awake now that Leo had gone and retrieved enough coffee and breakfast sandwiches for everyone before the costuming had truly begun. The camera faces a wall-sized mirror that hangs beside the bathroom. Phichit's dressed up as someone in an all red outfit and with a white and spiky long haired wig. His make-up makes him look intimidating. Especially the eyebrows. They're almost cartoonishly angry looking, but with the way Phichit drew them on, they look like they're <em>supposed</em> to be like that, not like an amateur mistake.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stands next him, also done up for the day. Yellow contacts replace his glasses, and Yuuri's stare is almost smouldering in the reflection. His eyebrows are less intense than Phichit's, but only in comparison. The go-getter had covered his natural brow entirely and drawn on completely new eyebrows. Yuuri's make-up for the day strengthens his cheekbones, sharpens his nose and eyes. It's heavy for the con floor – though certainly not out of place – but it will show up splendidly on camera.</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows thickly. Okay. So Yuuri can make a very attractive girl <em>and</em> a stupidly hot man. He doesn't know if this particular knowledge is a curse or a revelation.</p><p class="western">“Is my dear full demon brother all ready to go?” Phichit asks with a waggle of his brow. The expression is comical given the extreme eyebrows. Except Yuuri's not laughing.</p><p class="western">“Is this the part where I tell you to shut up?” Yuuri quips. He tugs at his wig, frowning at something unspoken. “I don't know why I picked this guy to cosplay, I'm not good at being mean or intimidating.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, I don't know about that.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Intentionally</em> mean.”</p><p class="western">“Sure, Jan.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri scowls.</p><p class="western">“That's a <em>very</em> Sesshoumaru expression you're making there, buddy.”</p><p class="western">“Hnnnn.”</p><p class="western">“Perfect. Just keep doing that.”</p><p class="western">“Are we meeting Viktor today?” Guang-Hong asks, poking his head in the bathroom. Half of his head is hidden beneath a wig cap and only one eye is completely done. His look is decidedly much more lighthearted looking. A comic relief character, Viktor guesses.</p><p class="western">Yuuri begins to fuss with his wig even harder.</p><p class="western">“Are we?” Phichit reiterates.</p><p class="western">“Hnnnn,” Yuuri hums again.</p><p class="western">“It's the last day,” Phichit reminds him. “If not now, then it'll have to be at another con. Whenever that is.”</p><p class="western">“I know, I know,” Yuuri mumbles. “I just...” He gestures vaguely to himself. “Do I look presentable? I can't tell if this looks good or not.” He makes a pained noise. “I knew I should've practiced my make-up more. I feel like a mess.”</p><p class="western">Leo joins the growing crowd, evidently having heard the struggle going on near the bathroom. “Dude, you only just finished this thing a few days ago. It's okay if it's not up to your usual standards. You still look really, <em>really</em> good.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “Good enough to meet Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“Of course you are,” Viktor murmurs into his pillow, muffling his quiet confession.</p><p class="western">“Definitely,” Leo confirms for him. “He'll be wow'd.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know...” Yuuri trails off.</p><p class="western">Phichit pauses in further contouring his jaw to level a calm, rational response to his anxious friend. “We don't have to meet him right now, we still have most of the day before the convention starts to shut down. We'll just hang out until you feel ready. There's that shoot we're doing later today, so maybe we'll go after that. Sound good?”</p><p class="western">But Yuuri blurts out, “If I wait too long, I'll panic even harder and back out entirely!”</p><p class="western">“Then we'll go now and get the scary thing over with?”</p><p class="western">“But...!”</p><p class="western">Phichit sighs. “It's your decision. Just don't wait too long to make it, okay?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, but his eyes meet no one else's.</p><p class="western">That's all Viktor needs to know how the rest of that day turned out; the truth sinks deep in his stomach, weighty and uncomfortable. It's disappointing, but not completely surprising. There's no way the two of them met.</p><p class="western">Viktor barely pays attention to the rest of the vlog, tuning in only when he recognizes the sight of his guest table in the background, of the three trying to encourage Yuuri to face his fear and just go say hi to someone he looks up to.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't, though.</p><p class="western">Viktor expects the rest of the vlog to carry on as usual, but his brow lifts when the next clip is of him. Guang-Hong's talking behind the camera, talking <em>to</em> Viktor. And that's when he remembers where he met the two from.</p><p class="western">“Can you say hi to our friend? He really wants to meet you but he isn't feeling well right now. His name's Yuuri and he's a big fan!”</p><p class="western">“Sure thing,” the Viktor on the camera replies, completely oblivious to how he was going to feel in the future, watching the moment replay on his phone. Past him slides into his chosen role easily, as smoothly as shrugging on a comfortable, well-loved jacket, and he smirks up into the camera, just enough to be suggestive without overly creepy. And then he says the lines:</p><p class="western">“<em>Hello, Yuuri. Don't be too afraid to come say hi next time. I promise I don't bite too hard</em>.”</p><p class="western">Viktor pauses the video then, and buries his face into his pillow.</p><p class="western">God, what is he <em>doing?</em></p><p class="western">How pathetic is he, watching almost an <em>hour</em> worth of Youtube content just to find out whether some boy he doesn't know came to say hi to him or not.</p><p class="western">Except now he's looking at the personal message Yuuri's friends requested for their friend, and what had Viktor given? He's basically seducing Yuuri through the camera! Like he's making fun of him!</p><p class="western">... Oh no. What had the poor boy thought after seeing that?</p><p class="western"><em>You didn't know,</em> Viktor reasons to himself. <em>You had no way of knowing anything. </em></p><p class="western">Except now he does know, and it... hurts. It plain old hurts.</p><p class="western">Somehow, Viktor's thumb finds his phone screen again, and he resumes the video, as though finishing it is any better than not doing so.</p><p class="western">The hurt worsens as he watches Yuuri struggle for the rest of the vlog on screen, his mind clearly far away for the rest of the video, and the discomfort doesn't go away, even as the vlog quickly turns to other events, to other good-byes with friends, to the group shedding their costumes in a bathroom and changing into comfy onesies for the long ride home.</p><p class="western">The four of them smile and wave at the camera as they bid their audience a good-bye for now, but even Viktor can see that Yuuri's smile still doesn't reach his eyes.</p><p class="western">The vlog ends, and with it Viktor's hopes.</p><p class="western">His eyes betray him and peek at the sidebar, where the thumbnail for the first vlog can be seen. It's that first picture he saw of the group, and in it Yuuri's smile is genuine, it's hopeful for a good weekend. It's the smile of someone confident in themselves, ready to show the world what he's worked so hard on.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares so long at the thumbnail, wondering, that the screen eventually goes dark. There's nothing but the quiet sounds of his and Makkachin breathing.</p><p class="western">And then, with a sudden, burning need to not leave it there, to not have it end <em>like this</em>, Viktor taps on his phone screen and starts to scroll through Terra Incognita's Youtube content.</p><p class="western">There's a happy, talented boy hiding inside this Youtube channel, and Viktor will be damned if he doesn't find out who this boy is when he's having a good day.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“... Did you sleep last night?”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks up from his half-eaten breakfast. Makkachin's hovering around his legs again, waiting for scraps. (Viktor is sucker enough to give her food from the table sometimes, but the vet has been on his ass about doing it too much as of late, so he resists the temptation for now. Even if her begging paw on his thigh makes him want to give in right now.)</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks. “You can tell?”</p><p class="western">Christophe nods his head at him. “You're actually sitting at the table for once. It's also, like, 7 in the morning and you're not at the gym.”</p><p class="western">“Oh. Well. Yeah. I didn't think it'd be safe to drive, so I passed for today.”</p><p class="western">His friend starts the Keurig for his morning coffee, humming some old pop song from a decade ago as he prepares his first brew, and then he sits down while he waits for the machine to get going.</p><p class="western">“Soooo,” Christophe drawls. “What kept you up? I thought yesterday went pretty well, don'tcha think?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “It's not that. I feel pretty good about the shoot.”</p><p class="western">“So, what then?”</p><p class="western">Viktor has no idea how to say this, so he just does it. “I fell down a Youtube rabbit hole and didn't come out until about an hour ago?”</p><p class="western">That has Christophe's brow rising. The corner of his lips lifts as well. “Dare I ask what hole this is?”</p><p class="western">“It's too early to be that horny, Chris.”</p><p class="western">“Depends. You haven't answered the question yet.”</p><p class="western">“... A convention vlog hole?” Viktor admits.</p><p class="western">“Ah, I see,” Christophe says. He's up and retrieving the milk from the fridge. He goes about finishing up his coffee, the spoon clinking in the mug as he stirs the sugar into the hot beverage. “I didn't know you watched those. They're a pretty niche thing to get into.”</p><p class="western">“I don't? Usually? I don't normally have time to watch stuff like that.”</p><p class="western">“But you had plenty of it last night and got curious, is that it?”</p><p class="western">“Sort of. It's a long story.”</p><p class="western">Christophe smirks around the rim of his mug before he takes a small sip. “I got time. Tell me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs. And then he starts to talk.</p><p class="western">Christophe is quiet throughout the duration of the silly story, only occasionally making an amused or appropriately sympathetic face as Viktor describes the boy he's been watching all night.</p><p class="western">Viktor knows he's waxing poetic about a stranger – going on and on about the perfect blending of blush and contour on his cheeks, of the shiny gloss on his lips, of his ability to roleplay in a convention hallway. But he can't stop himself. It's like Yuuri is a dream come to life, and Viktor can't help but want to go back to sleep for even a small chance of it returning to him.</p><p class="western">When he's finished, Christophe nods his head almost sagely, like he completely understands where Viktor's coming from.</p><p class="western">And then he completely ruins the wise aura he quietly exudes with the remark, “So you were literally up all night, watching some cute boy on Youtube because you have a giant gay crush on his nerdy cosplay skills. Damn, Viktor. That's a new one.”</p><p class="western">Viktor buries his face into his hands. “I know, I know! But it's not like that, not entirely. I'm just in awe of his skill?”</p><p class="western">“I don't believe that for a second. That's not all of it. How much of this guy have you watched videos of?”</p><p class="western">“... His entire channel's worth?”</p><p class="western">Christophe whistles, long and low. “Woooow. Now <em>that's</em> horny.”</p><p class="western">“Chris!”</p><p class="western">“I don't know what you expected from me, but what you're going to get is certainly not going to be filtered. I think anyone can spot how gay this is from miles away.”</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs, because he knows Christophe' right.</p><p class="western">This is what he gets for being single and lonely for so long. He finds out a cute, talented boy wanted to meet him, and now he's left drooling like a dog, tail pounding excitedly against the floor.</p><p class="western">Christophe sips his coffee again. “So.”</p><p class="western">“So?”</p><p class="western">“Aren't you going to show him off? Let me see who you have this crush on. Maybe I can talk some sense into you before you fall any deeper.”</p><p class="western">He's reluctant, but Viktor reaches for his phone and brings up the Terra Incognita Youtube channel. He scrolls through the videos available until he finds a thumbnail of Yuuri alone, where he's sitting in front of the living room table, crossed-legged, his make-up collection set up on one side of the table, several mirrors on the other. It's titled “How to Crossplay (mtf),” and it's one of the first videos Viktor watched after he'd gone through the entire backlog of convention vlogs the group has uploaded.</p><p class="western">Wordlessly, he hands the phone over to Christophe.</p><p class="western">His friend takes the phone in hand and, to Viktor's surprise, he just starts to laugh to himself, like he's just heard the best, most startling punchline ever and can hardly believe his ears.</p><p class="western">“What?” Viktor prompts.</p><p class="western">“It's just... I know this guy. I've worked with Yuuri before.”</p><p class="western">“You've what?!”</p><p class="western">“His group were all at Chihoko Con,” Christophe continues, oblivious to the fact that Viktor had spent all night lamenting that fact. “We did a shoot together on Sunday. They did an Inu Yasha group, I believe. We took a bunch of photos and even some cinematography for my next convention showcase video.” And then he shakes his head and hands the phone back. “Of course. I should've guessed you'd get a crush on him. Everyone does at some point.”</p><p class="western">Viktor frowns. “What do you mean?”</p><p class="western">“You don't know? You just said you spent all night making goo-goo eyes at his videos. Oh, wait... You haven't looked at their Patreon yet, have you?”</p><p class="western">Viktor bites his lip. “I thought – I thought that might be going too far, paying money to see more.”</p><p class="western">Christophe hums. “Maybe. But you should know: Yuuri's a dancer.”</p><p class="western">Too many mental images come to mind as Viktor tries to process that statement, some of them far too lewd for a 7 AM morning chat, even if it is about a very cute boy. So he only manages to force out a small, “Oh. Okay. Like... like a regular dancer, or?”</p><p class="western">Christophe grins. “Here, let me bring up my account.”</p><p class="western">Seconds tick painfully slow as Viktor tries not to watch Christophe as he takes his time going through his phone.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances down at Makkachin, who peers up at her daddy with eyes that plead for scraps, unaware and uncaring of his plight.</p><p class="western">“No,” he mouths. Makkachin whines.</p><p class="western">“Ah, there we go, found it.” Christophe offers his phone to him.</p><p class="western">But Viktor holds up a hand. “I shouldn't... it's behind a paywall for a reason.”</p><p class="western">“This one isn't,” Christophe says. “They left this video public to help entice people into joining, so you can look at this one guilt-free. But I must warn you, one look and you'll totally understand what I mean by <em>everyone</em> crushes on Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">Hesitant, Viktor takes the phone.</p><p class="western">The video is in full-screen. The image is of Yuuri on stage – a convention stage? – and he's frozen in a dance-like motion.</p><p class="western">Unlike before, Viktor immediately knows who Yuuri is dressed up as this time. He's actually done up as one of his favourite characters from an old show Viktor binged back in the day. Yuuri dons a long, almost white-blonde hair with light blue on the bottom layers, the wig styled to be perfectly fluffy and bouncy, cloud-like, and he's garbed in a full black spandex body suit with red, circle like patterns, and thick blue rings on some of the limbs.</p><p class="western">“Nia!” Viktor gasps excitedly. It's been forever since he's thought about dear sweet Nia Teppelin. The best part is that Yuuri is in his favourite design of hers, the Anti-Spiral look from the end of the series.</p><p class="western">He immediately takes a closer look. Whatever Yuuri used to help fill out the chest, it looks fairly natural, with the appropriate amount of fullness and weight for the character. It's a little funny to be finding himself ogling a pair of feminine breasts considering how painfully gay he is, but seeing as they're attached to Yuuri, he still finds himself very interested.</p><p class="western">He almost doesn't look – but he dares to, and his eyes drop down to Yuuri's crotch, curious if... Oh. Oh, he's definitely tucked. The illusion is total.</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, he makes a perfect Nia,” Viktor breathes.</p><p class="western">Christophe snickers. “Easy there, Romeo. Now watch the video.”</p><p class="western">Hands suddenly too warm and sweaty to be even holding a phone, Viktor taps the play button and waits with bated breath.</p><p class="western">The video opens to a large and dark room, camera steadily facing a stage with intense lighting. The crowd is oddly quiet but for the sound of fading clapping – they're in between acts, Viktor guesses, for whatever event this is. There's a table where several people sit and watch the show from their own vantage point, so Viktor almost wants to say that it's a cosplay masquerade, but he starts to doubt it when he recognizes Phichit, dressed up as a time-skip Simon walk out onto the stage. His chest is completely exposed in this costume and the long trench-coat that would help cover him is absent; it has several people in the crowd letting out sexually charged whoops and wolf whistles.</p><p class="western">Phichit pays the hecklers no mind. The only indication that he heard them is the amused smirk on his lips. His star-shaped red glasses glint in the harsh stage lights as he raises the microphone in his hand to his lips.</p><p class="western">“How amazing was that?! Everyone give a round of applause to Sailor Star Fighter for their performance!”</p><p class="western">The crowd cheers and whoops and claps so loud and hard it almost makes Viktor's ears hurt.</p><p class="western">Phichit waits until they've calmed down before he continues. “We're going to take a quick intermission now to give the last set of performers a chance to get ready, but stay in your seats, because we have a special performance for all of you! Judges can relax on this one too, because there's no judging needed here. Everyone give a warm welcome to the one and only Nia Teppelin!”</p><p class="western">That's when Yuuri steps out into the light. Not at all dainty and weightless like a Nia would normally walk, but self-assured, his shoulders straight back, extra attention given to the hips. There's undeniable power in each step.</p><p class="western">Yuuri walks to the center of the stage, head down, face mostly obscured by the thick bangs of his wig.</p><p class="western">A hush falls over the audience.</p><p class="western">And then the music starts to play. A low humming as the intro starts. Yuuri lifts his head and begins to mouth along to the words:</p><p class="western">“<em>Greetings from Himeros. God of sexual desire, son of Aphrodite. Lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting positions.”</em></p><p class="western">“Oh, no,” Viktor whimpers. He's <em>not</em> prepared for this.</p><p class="western">He's truly not, as the the bass begins to pound like a heartbeat, and Yuuri dives straight into motion. His hips swing and gyrate, and he moves all about the stage, owning every inch of it, every part of him in sync to the beat. It's all too easy to picture his movement in a more private setting, in low lighting, with less clothing, under or on top of someone.</p><p class="western">It doesn't matter that Yuuri's clothed from head to toe. No skin needs to be shown for everyone to feast heartily on the sexual delights Yuuri offers to them all now on his body, the toned and curvaceous platter.</p><p class="western">And worse – or maybe best – of all, Yuuri stares down from the stage, over his shoulder, up at them while low on his knees, his eyes burning into his captive audience as he continues to lip sync to the lyrics. As though daring someone to try and join him on stage.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's lips, shiny and plump with the most flattering shade of rose pink lipstick, pull into a smirk.</p><p class="western">“<em>Touch me, touch me, don't be sweet,”</em> he sings silently, and it curls Viktor's toes beneath his seat. He can't remember the last time he's felt this <em>attracted</em> to anyone before.</p><p class="western">Before Viktor knew it, the song is over, and Yuuri strikes a final pose, back facing the audience, head turned to the side and tilted up, long lashes fanning his cheek as they fall to a close.</p><p class="western">The audience goes absolutely <em>wild</em>.</p><p class="western">The video ends, leaving Viktor breathing heavily in his seat.</p><p class="western">When Viktor finds it in himself to look up from the phone, he finds Christophe leaning his chin on his hand, blinking leisurely, like some cat that's amused at a mouse's panicked scrambling to get away from danger.</p><p class="western">“Mmhm,” Christophe hums.</p><p class="western">“There's...” Viktor swallows. “There's more videos like that on their Patreon?”</p><p class="western">“So many. I'd even wager they make quite a bit of their income based on just how thirsty people are for Yuuri and his... talents.”</p><p class="western">“You don't say...”</p><p class="western">Christophe downs the remainder of his coffee and smacks his lips as he sets the empty mug down, looking unbothered by the whole situation. “Look. I'm not trying to <em>discourage</em> you - ”</p><p class="western">“Right...”</p><p class="western">“ - But I <em>am</em> saying that Yuuri has a lot of admirers. And I've never heard of him taking anyone up on the offer to have a little fun, let alone date. He can be very different off camera.”</p><p class="western">Viktor thinks back to the last videos he watched before he'd forced himself out of bed that morning, of Yuuri grinning on camera, teasing his friends in that quiet and knife-sharp way of his, of mostly sticking to the background unless called forward by his friends. He thinks of the videos where he's working hard in the background, making sure everything is done on time. There's hours worth of footage of Yuuri being what Viktor thinks is a backbone of the group. Maybe it came with age, maybe it's just a personality trait, Viktor's not sure, but what he is sure of is that Yuuri is a hard worker who takes things very, very seriously.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks back down at the patreon page open on Christophe's phone. He's watched a lot of videos. But clearly, not all of them. He thought he had a clear idea of what Yuuri could be like, but it's obvious now he doesn't.</p><p class="western">And that, more than anything, makes him want to find out <em>even</em> <em>more.</em></p><p class="western">“Is it crossing a line if I support them?” Viktor finds himself asking out loud.</p><p class="western">“Do <em>you</em> think it does?”</p><p class="western">“I don't know... He.” Viktor swallows. “In the first con vlog I saw of him, he said he wanted to meet me.”</p><p class="western">“He is a giant fan of yours. Everyone knows that. I'm sure even you noticed your influence on him.”</p><p class="western">“Everyone knows?” Viktor asks ironically. Everyone but him, Viktor thinks. At least until last night. How was he so unaware of Yuuri until now? Was he just that out of touch with the cosplay world until now?</p><p class="western">Well, he's aware now.</p><p class="western">And now something else has changed as well. Yuuri's not the only one who wants to meet someone admirable.</p><p class="western">The only question now is this: does he take that leap of faith?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>MOST IMPORTANT NOTE, FOR THE CONCERNED: when Viktor is checking out Yuuri dressed as Nia, he's not “suddenly straight” or checking out tiddies for the sake of tiddies. He's only attracted to that because they're on Yuuri's body, the implication I'm going for here that bodies or our expectations of them don't necessarily define every part of attraction. Viktor is still very gay. But he's also nonbinary so the concept of “gay” does get a little funny here considering he only feels like a man some of the time. To the cis people reading this who are suddenly very confused: I'm sorry, I'm gay and nonbinary and I don't fully get it either. This edges into Big LGBTQ Theory stuff and I'm not really going there in this fic. I'm writing experience here, not academics.</p><p>Viktor calls himself gay in this fic, but it's probably more accurate to call him queer because no label fits him perfectly.</p><p>Okay other notes:</p><p>Yes, that was Mila and Sara (and Michele!) in the background of this fic lol. They'll make a better appearance later on at DuettoCon.</p><p>A gijinka is the Japanese word for anthropomorphism, which is basically a human-like design of a fantasy character or animal of some sort. It's really common ad popular in fandoms like Pokemon. It lends itself to a lot of creativity because anything goes so long as you can still recognize what the costume is supposed to be of!</p><p>A tuck is where you take your penis and balls and shove them up into your ass so that it looks like you don't have them/have the more flat surface of a cis woman. It's something pinoeered by drag queens, as far as I know. Yuuri goes all out when it's necessary, lol.</p><p>A (cosplay) Masquerade is an event where cosplayers can sign up and show off their costume on stage. There's usually music and sometimes cool lighting. It's very Runway (sometimes literally, depending on how the stage itself is set up). Sometimes there's even skits, where people will dance, do comedy sketches, etc. either alone or with friends. They get judged and there's awards, occasionally prizes (though if you're looking for money to help pay off the labour and materials of a given costume and the weekend away, lmao look elsewhere, that's not the norm). It's a lot of fun for the people on stage and for the audience and is generally considered a major even at cons.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. this cannot be fucking happening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri wakes from his afternoon nap to the sound of his roommate hissing his name in his doorway.</p><p class="western">He's groggy, squinting into the dark of his room as he blindly feels his nightstand for his glasses. Next him, Vicchan lets out a big yawn and rolls his head back to stare at Phichit in the same confused manner as Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Wha?” Yuuri groans. He doesn't even know what day it is. He's still in the post-con crash and has been sleeping all of his free time up. With the blinds of his window tightly shut, for all he knows it could be 3 PM or 3 AM. “Is the apartment finally on fire?”</p><p class="western">“Have you looked at our Patreon?!” Phichit blurts out instead, ignoring the question altogether. There's a certain energy in his friend, like he's about to bounce off the walls but is just holding himself together strongly enough to stay planted on the ground.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. Okay, so it is a 'fire' of some sort. “No? Should I have?”</p><p class="western">“Go look! Right fucking now!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri searches for his phone and ends up finding it underneath his drool-stained pillow. Stomach twisting preemptively, he logs onto their joint cosplay account. His eyes widen when he sees what Phichit is undoubtedly close to screaming over.</p><p class="western">“W-What...” he stutters, blinking hard and fast at his screen.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nike Cosplay supports us now?!</em>
</p><p class="western">“Viktor fucking Nikiforov is giving <em>us</em> money to be giant nerds!” Phichit stage-whispers, barely containing his voice.</p><p class="western">“I don't...”</p><p class="western">“I have no idea what the hell happened or why, but he's paying for the highest tier, too!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's hand is starting to shake. He grips his phone harder, as if that can somehow calm his body down. “No, no, this is a joke – ”</p><p class="western">“Did someone tell him about us?” Phichit ponders aloud, eyes looking up at the ceiling as though it will blow away, and the heavens will part, revealing some strange costumed god that will give them all the answers they need. “Is it an accident? Did he just stumble across us? What does he see in us?”</p><p class="western">“<em>Stop</em>,” Yuuri forces out. He can't process that right now; he's too stuck on Viktor's account name on his phone screen. He clicks on the account, just to see if it's actually the same one used by his idol, not some throw away joke account someone made to bully Yuuri and his friends, and he's <em>horrified</em>, not relieved, to see that it actually really does belong to Viktor.</p><p class="western">“It's the vlog,” Yuuri whispers.</p><p class="western">“The what?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri digs the heel of his hand into his eyes. His glasses shift awkwardly on his face, almost poking his eye, and in a rush of frustration, he throws it off his face and onto the bed next to his legs. “It's the vlog! He must've seen it! That's how he knows who we are.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, it's probably not that...”</p><p class="western">“It is, I know it is!”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, calm down – ”</p><p class="western">“I am calm!”</p><p class="western">The mood quickly shifts. Phichit flicks the light switch on, and he strides over to the bed.</p><p class="western">“Buddy, breathe with me, okay. In and out. It's <em>fine.</em> We have so much shit on there, it's not like he went through every single video or something. He probably just saw a photo of us, or <em>one</em> video, and likes what we do. You know he works closely with Christophe. Maybe he showed Viktor something from our shoot.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can feel his mind thrashing in the water, desperate for a life jacket or something buoyant thing to cling to, so when Phichit offers a rational explanation, Yuuri digs his claws into it and clings for all he's worth.</p><p class="western">He breathes in, holds, lets it out. Repeats it several times before he tries to speak. “Yeah,” he exhales. “Yeah, maybe. That must be it. He saw a heavily edited photo of us that makes us look good and got interested in what we could be like.”</p><p class="western">Phichit frowns. “Hey, I always look good. And you do, too. You can't edit skill and hard work into a costume.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry. I know. But you know what I mean.” Yuuri takes another breath. “He supports lots of other cosplayers on his account. He's always been like that. We just... happen to be one of them, now.”</p><p class="western">Something in that reply seems to settle Phichit's worries, because he allows a small smile. “Yeah. It's not like we're on a pedestal with a spotlight. We're just in the same room as him now.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows.</p><p class="western">Phichit nods at the bed. “Can I sit?”</p><p class="western">“Go for it.”</p><p class="western">Phichit climbs onto the bed, settling at the far end so Yuuri still has his space. Vicchan comes bounding into Phichit's lap, and Phichit happily delivers all the pets Vicchan wants.</p><p class="western">They sit in silence for a while, just processing the enormity of it all. They can make it sound as small as they please, it's still astounding to think that someone as professional and Up There as Viktor now supports them in their endeavours.</p><p class="western">“I can't believe I'm saying this, but... senpai noticed us,” Phichit says, his voice in quiet awe.</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. He doesn't want it to be funny, though it kind of is. But he doesn't want to laugh at this. Not right now. “I don't think I can handle a senpai joke at the moment.”</p><p class="western">“Oops. Too late.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head and taps on his phone screen to check the time. “Shit. It's already 5. I can't believe I slept that long.”</p><p class="western">“I was going to make supper. You hungry?”</p><p class="western">“Not really, but I probably will be when there's food in front of me.”</p><p class="western">“I did a bit of grocery shopping while you were napping. How's stir-fry sound?”</p><p class="western">“Can we have noodles with it?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Of course! I stocked up on those, too.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. He lifts himself up and gets out of bed, adjusting his messed up shirt and flannel pajama pants when he's on solid floor again. He remembers to reach over for his glasses, settling them back on his face. “I'll help.”</p><p class="western">“Fuck, yeah. Please chop the onions. You know I hate doing those.”</p><p class="western">“Only if you make that sauce I love,” Yuuri bribes back, smiling when Phichit heartily agrees and follows him off the bed. Yuuri helps Vicchan off the bed, and then the three of them head to their tiny kitchen to prepare their meal.</p><p class="western">It feels odd, to be discussing dinner, groceries, who is doing what in the kitchen. To be just carrying on like it's a normal day when Yuuri feels like his biggest expectations in life have just been ripped out from beneath his feet and rolled up into something unrecognizable.</p><p class="western">There's no helping the twisting knot in his stomach, but the least he can do right now is stay calm, and go eat some supper with his best friends.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's not until later that week that Yuuri realizes the full extent of what Viktor's paying for.</p><p class="western">The highest tier of their patreon grants a patron access to everything they share only with paying fans: their Discord, bonus videos that don't make it to Youtube, cosplay WIPS, fully edited collections of photos, and even their private bi-weekly Saturday night stream, where they all hang out in Yuuri and Phichit's living room with their cosplay materials and sewing machines. They usually work on their next project with at least a hundred or more eyes on them, though sometimes they just chill with their fans and talk. It's usually a fun time, even when they're stressing over a costume, because at least they have a bunch of people to scream with over it.</p><p class="western">Except now Viktor has access to it, if he so desires to partake.</p><p class="western">And that stream is <em>tonight.</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't even wait a minute after Leo and Guang-Hong show up, the pair lugging in their usual cosplay gear under their arms, the front door barely shut, before he sics the question on them all.</p><p class="western">“What if he shows up?!”</p><p class="western">He doesn't need to say who. The living cosplay legend has been on the back of everyone's mind the last couple of days, since Phichit sent a group message and alerted everyone to the good (panic-inducing!) news. They didn't talk about it too much outside of the general excitement of being noticed by someone they considered god tier, but that honestly might have been more for Yuuri's benefit than anything else.</p><p class="western">Guang-Hong looks around the room for everyone else's reaction. When no one else says anything, he shrugs at Yuuri and asks, “Well, what if he does?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri freezes on the spot. The two, worst words an anxiety-riddled mind can ever hear: <em>What if.</em></p><p class="western">Leo shakes his head and quickly intervenes before Yuuri's mind can run off without him again. “Only two things can happen. One, Viktor doesn't show up, and we carry on like usual. Or two, he shows up and steals the show.”</p><p class="western">“Hmm, I dunno,” Phichit wonders aloud. “I think there's a third possible option.”</p><p class="western">Leo arches his brow. “Oh, yeah? What's that?”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins. “He shows up, and he blends in nicely with us.”</p><p class="western">It takes hardly a second for Yuuri to immediately pick up Phichit's intentions. “Oh, no. If he shows up, you're not <em>inviting him</em> to stream with us.”</p><p class="western">“But think of how our fans would react! Us, hanging out with a cosplay <em>legend?</em> Word will get around that we're buddies now – ”</p><p class="western">“We're not buddies,” Yuuri interrupts, but Phichit continues.</p><p class="western">“ – and then word about <em>us</em> will get around more, too! You gotta think big, Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">Leo coughs into his fist. “Uh, that actually might not be such a good idea in his case.”</p><p class="western">“But it's a great opportunity. It's social networking 101!”</p><p class="western">His friends continue to mull the question over, while Yuuri goes silent.</p><p class="western">He frowns down at the mess of fabric lying in a big heap on the living room table. All of the pieces for his Ruby Moon skirt and top were cut and organized yesterday. He doesn't want to struggle with the shoulder piece or the wings just yet, so he plans to work on the main outfit for now, which will still take him most of the night, assuming things go well. At some point he'll need to stop and help his friends with their costumes, if they ask for it, so he has to schedule his time for that as well. But his main plan for tonight's stream is to just sit in his usual corner and sew, sew, sew.</p><p class="western">So even if Viktor <em>does </em>show up, maybe he can just be... too busy to pay attention?</p><p class="western">(Yuuri knows that's not at all how it will go down, but what else does he have to convince himself not to skip the stream entirely? People <em>will</em> notice if he's not there.)</p><p class="western">“I know it's a good opportunity for us...” he admits aloud. Their Patreon does very well, all things considered. It supports their hobby enough so that their income can be reserved for important, adult things like bills and rent. But there's always room for growth.</p><p class="western">At the sound of Yuuri's voice, the group stops talking in an instant.</p><p class="western">Phichit makes a face. “But you're worried you might do or say something stupid in front of him if he does show up.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri silently nods. It's his worst case scenario. Making a fool of himself in front of a stranger is terrible, but at the end of the day, they're not someone he'll see again. He can live through that.</p><p class="western">But making a fool of himself on front of Viktor, someone whose opinion he cherishes more than anything? It would just end him on the spot.</p><p class="western">Phichit sighs. “If he shows up, I won't invite him on voice chat.”</p><p class="western">“No, Phichit...”</p><p class="western">“It's fine, really! I won't lie, it'd be great if it could happen, but if you're uncomfortable with it, then we'll just stick to text chat if he pops in. He'll probably just get bored and leave after a few minutes anyway.”</p><p class="western">“Phichit...” Yuuri protests. The weaker part of him wants to nod and agree, he wants to say “Yes, lets keep our distance, let's shut out any chance to befriend someone we all think is high above us,” but the words feel sour in his mouth. That was the sort of thinking he would have easily given into before he'd gotten into therapy years ago, before the medication had helped level out the chemicals in his brain to a point where he can usually wrestle some control over himself and this thoughts.</p><p class="western">Why is fear still ruling him, even now, even after all the work he's put into getting this far?</p><p class="western"><em>Next time</em>, he'd said, not even a week ago. He'd meet Viktor the next chance he had. So what if it ends up being sooner than he'd assumed?</p><p class="western">And then there's always the chance Viktor doesn't show up. For all Yuuri knows, he's making a scene for <em>nothing.</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “If... if he shows up...”</p><p class="western">Phichit perks up.</p><p class="western">“... if things go well... <em>maybe</em> we can... voice chat, or something. <em>If</em> things go smoothly.”</p><p class="western">It takes a moment, but delight begins to shine in Phichit's eyes. “You mean that?”</p><p class="western">He's uneasy, but Yuuri forces himself to smile and nod. He can't keep hiding and wrecking everyone else's opportunities just because he's scared of failure. He has to be better than that. He needs to try harder, for his and their sake.</p><p class="western">Even if it does feel like jumping off a cliff into certain doom.</p><p class="western">(But hey, his Ruby Moon cosplay requires large butterfly-esque wings. Maybe he can just use those to try and fly.</p><p class="western">... Wow, he is <em>such</em> a nerd.)</p><p class="western">“Only if you're okay with it,” Phichit confirms, but he's grinning all the same. “And only if he agrees to it, of course! Who knows, he'll probably say no anyway.” He claps and rubs his hands together. “Okay! Let's order in some food and get this stream started, shall we?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's almost an hour into the stream, and there's no sign of Viktor showing up.</p><p class="western">They ordered in Thai food from a place nearby that Phichit personally endorses (“It's not as good as home, but it's easily the best here”). The food is hot and delicious, and they start the stream like they always do: enjoying dinner with their fans.</p><p class="western">The regulars show up almost immediately, while more casual fans pop in and out now and then. They chat about current TV shows everyone is watching, what everyone's working on, answer random questions fan have for them that aren't too personal or intrusive.</p><p class="western">Yuuri only half watches the chat, eyes darting away just as fast as they jump on the steadily scrolling chat. He tries to focus on the spicy pad thai in his mouth, but he finds he has little appetite that evening. He takes his remains over to the fridge and stores it for later. Knowing his bad habits, he'll be starving late in the night and want to an admittedly heavy snack to help settle his nerves.</p><p class="western">His friends continue to chat with the stream, taking their time with their meals. They bounce off the chat so well, completely natural in front of a good hundred or more strangers. Yuuri smiles distantly at the sight of them in front of their computer, but finds he's unable to come back and join them.</p><p class="western">Instead, he wanders over to his dedicated corner of the living room, where he has his sewing and embroidery machine set up. It's still within range of the webcam, so fans can still see him at work, but he's also far away enough that Yuuri feels less like he's <em>directly</em> in the hot spotlight. He doesn't mind his friends soaking up most of the light's warmth anyway; he's more than happy keeping to a more moderate temperature most of the time.</p><p class="western">He reaches towards his pile of fabric, and starts to work.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri notices at the back of his mind Vicchan settling down nearby not long after he sits down, his beloved pet curled up in a small, furry ball. Yuuri silently thanks his friend for being there like he always is. He feels less alone, less noticeably <em>outside of</em> the stream with Vicchan there with him.)</p><p class="western">“Nah, I gave up after episode 5,” he hears Guang-Hong reply in the background.</p><p class="western">“But it gets good in episode 6,” Phichit retorts.</p><p class="western">“Listen, if it takes <em>that</em> long to get good, then it's not good,” is Guang-Hong's reply. “When there's tons of actually good shit out there to watch, why would I wanna waste my time on something boring and mediocre?”</p><p class="western">“Date night is just us trying out a new show for the hell of it, and then giving up ten minutes in because Guang-Hong over here is impatient,” Leo laughs.</p><p class="western">“It's not <em>impatience</em>, it's <em>standards</em>,” Guang-Hong disagrees adamantly.</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts to himself, but keeps his hands on his fabric, guiding it steadily through the needle of the sewing machine.</p><p class="western">He keeps getting distracted, though. Part of him keeps listening to the stream, listening to his friends chatting. It's the same part of him that's anxious for the moment Viktor finally arrives.</p><p class="western">Due to his split-attention, Yuuri ends up completely bungling some of the hemming of his long skirt. He frowns at the machine – like it's to blame and not his unsteady hands – and he goes about undoing his work and fixing the thread in the machine for the fifth time that night.</p><p class="western">Eventually, in spite of himself, Yuuri finishes the skirt. He holds it up in front of him, turning it in his hands to watch the fabric flow to and fro from the movement. For the first time in almost two hours, he allows himself a small smile, momentarily distracted from his fears, if only because he's too busy trying to imagine how his costume will look upon completion.</p><p class="western">“Hey, Viktor!” Phichit greets out of nowhere.</p><p class="western">And just like that, Yuuri's blood turns to ice in his veins. His hands clench the soft fabric tightly, and he lowers his arms like his limbs are tied to the strings of a puppeteer.</p><p class="western">
  <em>He's here.</em>
</p><p class="western">He's suddenly too aware of every movement of every inch of his body. Aware that Viktor's eyes could be on him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri chances a glance back to the computer. He can't read the chat from where he sits, but he stares at it as though he can. Seeing all of the tiny text on screen quickly scrolling makes his heart race.</p><p class="western">Phichit glances over his shoulder at him. “Viktor says hi!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sets his skirt in his lap and quickly adjusts his glasses. “H-Hi,” he manages, far too quietly.</p><p class="western">“We lost our minds when we saw you pledged!” Guang-Hong says to the computer.</p><p class="western">“I had to do a double take,” Leo says in agreement, “but wow, thank you so much.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's still looking at Yuuri. When he catches Yuuri's attention, he silently mouths, <em>“Is it okay?”</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip. <em>Don't be a coward</em>, he tells himself. <em>Just stay in your corner and let your friends have this.</em></p><p class="western">So Yuuri nods, wordlessly. Then quickly turns back to his sewing machine.</p><p class="western">“Hey, Viktor,” Phichit says, his words suddenly too harsh on Yuuri's ears as he listens too closely, “do you wanna come on voice chat with us? We'd love to chat with you, and I'm sure our fans would love to hear you too. If you don't want to, it's cool! It's just an offer.”</p><p class="western">There's a moment of nothing, and then Phichit lets out a delighted noise. “Awesome! If you're not on our Discord yet, hop on and I'll message you so we can get this set up.”</p><p class="western">Oh, no. Oh no no no no.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sits frozen at his corner as he listens to Phichit typing away on his keyboard, the clicking of his mouse.</p><p class="western">And before he knows it, he can actually hear Viktor talking.</p><p class="western">“Hello? Is it working?”</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, it <em>is</em> him,” Yuuri hears Leo murmur out loud.</p><p class="western">“The one and only,” Viktor replies with a soft chuckle. His voice sounds a little different over the mic, but it's recognizably his. Yuuri's watched far too many videos featuring Viktor to not immediately know it.</p><p class="western">“Before the chat runs away with us, there's just something I want to say,” Viktor says on the other end. It has everyone sitting up a little straighter in their seats, Yuuri included, as he wonders what exactly his idol wants to say to them.</p><p class="western">“I've been going through your Patreon,” Viktor begins, oblivious to the silent look of horror on Yuuri's face as he talks, “and I'm very impressed with your work. I don't know how you four all managed to make so many group cosplays and have it pan out, but bravo to you. Phichit, your wig-styling is nothing short of on point, it's amazing just how much you make wig fibers look like your reference images. Guang Hong, I've seen your videos on how to recreate pre-existing items into perfect costume pieces and props, and I have to say you're very clever and crafty. You've transformed things I've never thought of using. Leo, I've seen old and new pictures of armour builds you've made over the years, and you've come really far. You're especially talented at painting foam and giving them some real life.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Holy shit</em>,” Phichit gasps. “Are we getting reviews right now? I think we're getting reviews right now!”</p><p class="western">The chat scrolls even faster, and Yuuri can tell, even from where he sits, that most of the comments are all-capped screaming. The chat is absolutely <em>losing it</em>.</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost can't believe his ears. His idol is <em>complimenting his friends</em>.</p><p class="western">Really, it confirms what Yuuri has known for years: that Viktor is a professional, and a damned good one. A lesser cosplayer would have felt jealousy or envy of his friends accomplishments, probably wouldn't have said anything at all, but Viktor praises them like it's the most natural thing anyone can do. Yuuri can hear the sincerity in Viktor's smooth voice, and he doesn't doubt for a second that there's no ulterior motive at play here. Viktor just sees hard-earned skill and applauds it the way it deserves.</p><p class="western"><em>I'm glad I said yes,</em> Yuuri thinks. If only so his friends can hear these words from Viktor himself. It was terrifying to realize that Viktor had access to a long back log of work, but now that he hears Viktor's admiration out loud, sees the exhilaration on his friends faces, there's no denying that this is a good thing, that this was the right choice. His friends deserve to hear accolades from someone they all look up to.</p><p class="western">Viktor's talking again. Yuuri only catches the tail end of it, hears Viktor say breathily, “And to the quiet one hiding in the corner back there...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes go wide. Viktor's talking <em>to him</em> now.</p><p class="western">“... I've never seen someone as skilled at crossplaying as I have you. You're among the best out there. I would say you have a gift for it, but I can tell you've also worked incredibly hard at it. Watching you move and breathe as a woman in your videos does nothing short of take my breath away.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri, funnily enough, feels his own breath catch in his chest.</p><p class="western">There's no way... he had to have imagined that.</p><p class="western">Except his friends are all looking at him, absolutely beaming.</p><p class="western">“Did you hear that?!” Phichit gasps. “Viktor likes your crossplay!”</p><p class="western">“'Like' is too small a word,” Viktor chimes in, and the tone of it reminds Yuuri of the clip from their con vlog, of the way Viktor smirked up into a camera and flirted openly and brazenly with him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's silent, his mind racing a mile a minute.</p><p class="western">It feels like the culmination of years upon years of idol-worship, of late nights stating at photos and rewatching old youtube videos until he knows every second of it by heart.</p><p class="western">He's spent far too many nights dreaming about getting anywhere close to Viktor's level, about being able to finally approach his hero and say, <em>“I've looked up to you practically my whole life. I started this hobby because of you. When it got hard and felt impossible, I kept going because of you. I only came this far </em>because<em> of you.”</em></p><p class="western">In those dreams, he doesn't call Viktor his muse. Not because it's not true, but because there's no way he can ever admit something so embarrassingly honest out loud to someone like Viktor. Even if it is so obviously, painfully the truth.</p><p class="western">But that long dreamt of moment is here now, and it's more than Yuuri could have ever asked for.</p><p class="western">Viktor sees him – and he recognizes his hard work. He says Yuuri is among the <em>best</em> he's seen!</p><p class="western">Only this time it's not a dream. It's not something Yuuri made up. It's real.</p><p class="western">... And yet in spite of all that, of all those years, all those feelings, all that <em>want</em>, all Yuuri can manage to get out in that moment is a small and undignified, “Uh.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>lmao Vicchan is around while cosplay stuff is happening but I should point out it's generally not a good idea to have pets in the same room while you're sewing/working on cosplay anything, not just because stuff can get wrecked but because accidents happen and you don't want your pet to get hurt! Vicchan is allowed because this is a magical world where dogs never die/get hurt. ;D</p><p>Cosplay notes:</p><p>Cosplayers don't always make things from scratch! An extra creative/clever cosplayer can look at something common and everyday and say to themselves, "I can totally make xyz out of that." Guang Hong is extra good at. Not for lack of money or anything like that - though a skill like this CAN save you lots of money! - but more because he likes the challenge and likes not having to waste money if he already has something that will perfectly suit his needs.</p><p>In my experience most cosplayers appear to be a mixed bag of this: make some things, alter others, and flat out buy the rest. The Terra Incognita group basically exemplify this. They all make, alter, and buy different things.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. let's try this again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ayyyyyy everyone! Here's some more nonsense for y'all lol.</p><p>To those who celebrate the holiday and are missing out on spending extra special time with friends and family, I feel you, and I hope this update helps liven up your day! (Though of course in these Current Trying Times of ours, I hope it does for everyone who reads this.)</p><p>Cosplay notes for this chapter:</p><p>Worbla is a type of thermoplastic that's really popular with cosplayers who build armour. It comes in sheets and is nice and light and very moldable when using a heat gun.</p><p>A costest is when cosplayers test out a new costume or costume idea. Sometimes they take clothes/old wigs/stuff they already have from previous costumes or from their closets, do some minor alterations, and test out how a character would potentially look on them. Sometimes it's also when a cosplayer is in the process of making a new costume and they try it on as they go, sometimes with or without a wig or make-up, to get a feel for how it's progressing and what changes they want to make along the way. </p><p>Costesting in general is actually really important. For example, the more you practice the kind of make-up you want to wear for a certain character, the more happy you'll likely be with the results once you're at a convention and debuting it for the first time, because you'll have already worked out any kinks or missteps you've had along the way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Uh.”</p><p class="western">Viktor watches the screen closely, waits for more of a response out of the cute boy on his monitor than a one syllable sound. He holds his breath tight in his chest with anticipation.</p><p class="western">He's spent all day waiting for this moment, carefully crafting the words he wanted to say to the boy who made him smile big and bright and genuinely for the first time in a <em>long</em> time. They couldn't meet like Yuuri wanted to at the convention, but it's all right, because Viktor will just come to him and give Yuuri all the praise he deserves. It won't be in person, but it's the next best thing. He hadn't expected to get invited onto the stream through voice chat, but it plays better into Viktor's plan than sticking to text-based chat did, because then Yuuri can hear the sincerity in his voice, hear Viktor's admiration for himself.</p><p class="western">He <em>has</em> to get this moment right. As far as Viktor's concerned, the little stint with the camera in the con vlog was just a misstep, and he's going to correct in the best way he knows how. A little praise always goes a long way, in Viktor's book.</p><p class="western">(And the added benefit of the Nikiforov charm doesn't hurt, either.)</p><p class="western">So he sits still in his computer chair, and he waits.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares at the computer, completely still in his seat, like he's just witnessed something utterly out of this world, something no one would ever believe without seeing it for their own eyes. It's an expression so pure and free of doubt or second thought. He honestly looks like he's in sheer awe.</p><p class="western">Viktor releases the breath he held so close to him. That's the face he wanted Yuuri to make in the con vlog. In another world, where they did meet out in the wild, dressed up in their best work, Yuuri would look up at him like that. And if the Viktor in that world is particularly blessed, Yuuri would smile as well, and a conversation would naturally flow from there.</p><p class="western">Viktor eagerly waits for the rest of the reaction to follow.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks, as if remembering where he is and what's going on.</p><p class="western">His eyes dart across his friends faces.</p><p class="western">In the blink of an eye, everything changes.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't know what happened or what's even going through Yuuri's head, but his expression quickly transforms itself from one of having been given a pleasant stroke of his cheek with a loving hand, and more like that same hand as just pulled back and struck him with a hard, cruel slap.</p><p class="western">It's not at all the reaction Viktor expected to get. He had few expectations to begin with, but all of them ended with a charming little blush on Yuuri's cheeks, with hearing Yuuri's soft voice replying with a small but pleased sounding, <em>“Thank you, that means a lot coming from you.”</em></p><p class="western">But reality is so much different from Viktor's daydreaming.</p><p class="western">And he can feel, in real time, all chances of what this could have been slipping quickly away like sand between his fingers.</p><p class="western">Viktor opens his mouth. To clarify his comments, to say something else, to maybe calm down whatever is going on in that corner of the room, anything to ease whatever stress he's accidentally created.</p><p class="western">But then Yuuri completely turns away from the camera, and he goes back to sewing.</p><p class="western">Like Viktor isn't even there to begin with.</p><p class="western">Viktor's frowns at his monitor, lost and confused. Years of people making eyes at him, vying for his attention (sincerely or otherwise), didn't leave much room to get accustomed to being given a cold shoulder.</p><p class="western">“<em>He can be very different off camera</em><em>,”</em> Christophe had said.</p><p class="western">Maybe that's not entirely the case, because he's on camera right now and he's still showing a whole other side Viktor hadn't anticipated. Viktor knew he wouldn't get the incredibly sexy and powerful presence he spent far too much time watching this past week, not on a webcam on a Patreon stream, but he still didn't expect to receive... well, what else to call it but rudeness?</p><p class="western">And yet Yuuri <em>had</em> looked happy, for too a brief moment. Viktor doesn't get it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's friends notice immediately their friend's standoffish behaviour, and in an instant Phichit is grabbing the stream's attention again. “That means a lot coming from you! We've been fans of yours for years. Thank you so much.”</p><p class="western">Viktor recovers quickly, or at least forces himself to in order to avoid any potential awkwardness. Gotta keep the conversation going, draw less attention to what a flub the last thirty seconds have been. “Thank <em>you</em> for being fans. It's great to see what other people are doing out here. How long have you guys been in the game?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, man, years?” Leo answers, counting absently on his fingers. “We've been watching everyone else do it since we were teenagers. But we've only been doing this as a group for a few years now.”</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor says with a whistle. “You've accomplished quite a lot in such a short period of time.”</p><p class="western">Leo laughs. “We don't do much else, besides work and sleep.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs as well. “That's a mood.” He eyes the scrolling chat, catches that many people in there are now trying to talk to him. Oh boy, it hasn't been five minutes and he's already stealing the show. “I'm seeing a lot of questions here. Should I bow out so you can regain control?”</p><p class="western">“No, no, staaaay,” Phichit says with a flap of his hand. “I don't think any of us mind if you talk to our fans. They're just as much your fans, too.”</p><p class="western">Guang-Hong and Leo chime in with similar sentiments. No one's bothered.</p><p class="western">No one that's paying any attention to the stream, anyway.</p><p class="western">Viktor feels a little awkward about it, but if it's fine with three-fourths of the group, then he'll roll with it as well. Even if it does feel a little like he's working now and not just enjoying a leisurely stream like everyone else.</p><p class="western">Who knows, if he hangs around long enough, maybe Yuuri will warm up to his presence.</p><p class="western">“A few questions,” Viktor agrees, “but then we're talking about you guys again.”</p><p class="western">Phichit starts to click quickly around on the screen. “Here, lemme slow down the chat and then we can pin-point some real good ones.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just sits back in his computer chair and lets Phichit do as he pleases. He's fine with the other cosplayers vetoing questions; it's less work for him.</p><p class="western">To Viktor's surprise, most of the questions aren't about his work. Maybe it's the nature of the community the group has built up over the years, but most of the questions are about silly, trifle things. It's almost a relief, if Viktor's being honest. He doesn't want to be asked a hundred questions about things he's written and self-published books about. (There are even very old, out of date Youtube videos of most of the basics that he made way back when, for the more dedicated fan who doesn't want a more updated and streamlined method to follow).</p><p class="western">Yuuri hardly reacts to any of the questions asked or the answers given in the foreground. Viktor's not sure how to feel about that. But he tries not to think too hard on it.</p><p class="western">In spite of the fact he said he'd only answer a few questions, he keeps answering more and more.</p><p class="western">To his delight, he gets at least five questions about Makkachin.</p><p class="western">“She's sleeping in the living room right now,” Viktor answers when someone asks where she is. “I just took her for a nice, long w-a-l-k today before I came on here. I would've been on sooner, but I figured it was best to get her nice and tuckered out first.”</p><p class="western">“Awww. We do the same for Vicchan,” Phichit replies. “Otherwise he starts to mess with our fabric and beg for attention. It's cute... until you find teeth marks in your worbla. We usually keep him out of the room when we do any of that stuff, but he's gotten better lately.”</p><p class="western">“Oh nooo,” Viktor moans in agreement. “Makkachin used to be bad for that too until I finally trained her to stop messing with things. I still only let her around for certain stuff, though. Never when I'm painting or using a heat gun, or anything she could get poisoned with or hurt around.”</p><p class="western">The toy poodle in the background, which has been resting by Yuuri's feet since at least Viktor's made his appearance on the stream, lifts its head and lets out a small yip.</p><p class="western">Phichit half-turns in his seat and calls back, “Yes, we <em>are</em> talking about you.”</p><p class="western">Vicchan yips again.</p><p class="western">“Shhhhh,” Yuuri gently shushes, not looking up from his sewing. He's handling black, shiny, pleather-like material, the cuts of it shaped in a way Viktor can't exactly make out the final form of. But then again, he can't recall Yuuri actually <em>working</em> on this particular piece of his costume. In fact, he looks more like he's tinkering around with the machine and trying to distract himself than actually accomplishing anything productive. If he wasn't so glued to his seat, Viktor would have thought that Yuuri wanted to run away.</p><p class="western">And just like that, the mental image of Yuuri in a white costume with black and red accents, looking pointedly away from everyone around him, breathing heavily, and then opting to not get in line to meet his idol instantly comes to mind.</p><p class="western">Is he... is Yuuri <em>nervous?</em></p><p class="western">... Oh, fuck.</p><p class="western">Viktor wants to slap himself. How dense can he be? Of course Yuuri's nervous! He was more than a week ago when he had the chance for them to meet in person, why wouldn't he be now, even when it's just through voice chat and a one way video?</p><p class="western">It makes Viktor reconsider the entire situation. Maybe Yuuri is technically being rude – but now it reads less as a personality flaw, and more because he's just that scared of Viktor being, at least figuratively, in the same room as him.</p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lips, suddenly feeling odd and a little guilty. He should have considered this before he logged on, but it's much too late now. Stupidly, he thought Yuuri had only been nervous at the convention because of a bad start to the week, because of some doubt that crept in when he got dressed up in his work. Anyone would be nervous showing off something so personal to an idol. But that's not all of it, Viktor can sense that now. There's a piece of the puzzle missing here that he doesn't know anything about.</p><p class="western">How could he have seriously thought that things would go differently when he barely knows who Yuuri is outside of some 10-20 minute videos on a video website?</p><p class="western">Viktor just wanted so badly to approach the boy and tell him what an inspiration he is – but all he's done is create an unpleasant situation for the very one he admires.</p><p class="western"><em>Maybe I should go</em>.</p><p class="western">Before Viktor has the chance to bid the cosplayers good night and take his leave, Vicchan yips once more and gets up, sauntering over towards the three cosplayers in front of the screen. The movement startles Yuuri from his sewing related trance, and he watches with an almost betrayed look on his face as his pet leaves his side.</p><p class="western">Phichit leans to the side and hoists the small pupper up into his lap, so that everyone in chat can get a better look at him.</p><p class="western"><em>VICCHAN</em>, the chat collectively screams.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles at his screen in spite of himself. “Aww, what a cutie-patootie,” he coos, wishing he could go right up to the small doggo and give him a nice scratch behind his ears. Maybe he can't get socializing right anymore, but at least he knows how to treat a dog well. “Like a mini Makkachin.”</p><p class="western">“Funny you should say that...” Phichit mumbles, a borderline shit-eating grin on his face.</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a face, forgetting in the moment that no one can see his expressions. But Phichit doesn't elaborate on his comment, so Viktor doesn't pry either.</p><p class="western">“I wish I could give him a treat,” he says instead. “I <em>love</em> dogs. Especially poodles. You said his name's Vicchan? That's a unique name, I don't think I've heard anything like it. Did you make it up?”</p><p class="western">“Something like that,” Phichit answers vaguely.</p><p class="western">“I made up Makka's name,” Viktor supplies. “It's silly, but I used to write stories as a kid. 'Makkachin' was the name of a dragon I gave my main character in this fantasy world I made up.”</p><p class="western">Movement catches Viktor's eye, and he glances over to see Yuuri looking up and making a face. It's the most sincere expression he's seen on Yuuri's face since his little monologue a good half hour ago, and the pure confusion behind it almost makes Viktor laugh.</p><p class="western">“Did I say something funny?” he asks. He doesn't expect Yuuri to respond, but he reaches out anyway, giving the other boy a chance to talk if he wants it. If this is the chance to remedy what he's done, then he'll jump for it without a single glance back.</p><p class="western">“Um...” Yuuri mumbles, and he messes with the unruly fringe of black hair resting over his forehead. “I just. I didn't know you used to write. You've never...”</p><p class="western">“Never mentioned it in interviews?” Viktor guesses aloud. “Well, most people don't care about that stuff. People wanna know how I make a wig defy gravity, not whatever nonsense I made up as a bored teenager.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not looking in the direction of the camera, but he says, tone more insistent than Viktor could have ever expected, “I don't think that's true.”</p><p class="western">Oh. Interesting.</p><p class="western">Rather than carry on with boring personal details though, Viktor presses forward and asks, “What are you working on in the background there? I've been staring at it on and off and I can't tell what it is.”</p><p class="western">The chat flies by faster, more than a dozen people agreeing with Viktor's sentiments.</p><p class="western">“Did we not officially announce it?” Phichit gasps. “We're doing a Cardcaptor Sakura group for our next con! I meant to announce it on our Patreon, but maybe I forgot. It's been a long week, you guys. But yeah! I'm doing Yue, Guang-Hong's going as Spinel, aaaaaand... have you decided yet, Leo?”</p><p class="western">“Let's be honest, I'm probably doing Kero,” Leo answers. “It'd be weird if you all did the guardians and I did someone else entirely.”</p><p class="western">“You can do whatever you want, babe. I believe in you.”</p><p class="western">Guang-Hong frowns at Phichit, who holds his hands up in surrender and hisses out a quick, “Kidding! I'm kidding.”</p><p class="western">Before he can help it, Viktor lets out a delighted noise and claps his hands together. “You're seriously doing Cardcaptor Sakura?”</p><p class="western">Guang-Hong puffs out his chest and replies with, “Hell yeah, we are!”</p><p class="western">“Oh, my God,” Viktor gasps again. “That was my favourite show growing up.”</p><p class="western">And just like that, like Viktor accidentally guessed the magic words to open the unopenable door, Yuuri sits up straighter in his chair, expression open and curious as he asks, “It was?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah.” Viktor smiles, feeling a rush of anticipation as Yuuri's body language becomes more receptive to him. It's like he's finally convinced a spooked animal that he's truly safe, that he can be trusted to be around. “I used to record it on my VCR and rewatch it everyday after school. You know how some people have a story that feels like home to them? That was one of mine for a long time.”</p><p class="western">“Yes!” Yuuri blurts out. “I know exactly what you... uh... ” And then he stops, as if remembering himself, and his lips purse tightly together to hold back anything else he might consider embarrassing. His cheeks, from where Viktor's sitting, look<em> bright</em> red.</p><p class="western">(It's a cute shade on Yuuri's skin. A very, very cute shade.)</p><p class="western">All three of Yuuri's friend sit quietly but with very pleased looking expressions. Phichit stroke's Vicchan's head like a villain from a Bond film.</p><p class="western">The chat's scrolling, fast as always, but Viktor pays it no mind.</p><p class="western">“I think I have a good guess,” Viktor continues, because there's no way he's letting the conversation end now, “but who are you doing, Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips, glancing at the mess of black, shiny fabric sitting next to his sewing machine. “Ruby Moon,” he eventually says.</p><p class="western">“Nice.” Viktor's grin grows. “Here's something else you probably don't know.”</p><p class="western">Like a fishing hook, Yuuri is completely caught by the suggestion of more insider knowledge he doesn't have. He turns more in his seat to face the camera, hand on the backrest, sewing machine completely forgotten. “What?”</p><p class="western">“I technically cosplayed Yukito once.”</p><p class="western">“What?! But I haven't seen any pictures...”</p><p class="western">“There are none,” Viktor explains. “It was just for a Halloween party I went to as a teen, before I started seriously cosplaying. It didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to. I used my real hair, since it was so similar in colour, and I wore some stuff out of my closet. I don't have any photos of it, though. Well, maybe there's photos <em>somewhere</em>... but I don't know any of the people who'd have them anymore.”</p><p class="western">To Viktor's eternal delight, a small pout forms on Yuuri's lips. What an interesting expression. Like Yuuri's frustrated about something. It doesn't take much to guess why.</p><p class="western">Normally, given some of the weirdos he's met in the past, a fan being this dedicated to wanting to know everything about their idol would unnerve Viktor a little bit. But if it's Yuuri, then he thinks it's okay. Yuuri's obviously a big fan, but he also seems pretty harmless. He's likely no different from how a much younger Viktor used to save hundreds of pictures of his favourite video game and anime characters on the family desktop computer, all so that he could look at them when he was feeling down or needing inspiration.</p><p class="western">Well, it's a little different, because Viktor's a living, breathing person and not an anime character, but the point still stands. Yuuri's no stalker.</p><p class="western">So Viktor laughs and teases with, “Want to see it that badly?”</p><p class="western">Viktor expects a quick lie, but Yuuri answers with an almost coy, “Maybe.”</p><p class="western">Wow, what a time to be wishing he <em>did</em> have photos. “Sorry. Maybe I'll do a costest someday with an actual wig and then you can see.” Remembering they have an audience of at least a hundred, he hastily adds, “That's not a promise, by the way! I'm just thinking out loud. No one tell people I'm doing that for sure.”</p><p class="western">Viktor can just make out the corner of Yuuri's mouth lifting.</p><p class="western">“Behave, chat,” Yuuri orders.</p><p class="western">Before Viktor's ready for it, there's a small lull in conversation. He's not sure what to say now. Yuuri doesn't say anything either, though if it's any consolation, he looks far less stressed out now than he did a few minutes ago. Viktor would almost call it a comfortable silence, if it weren't for their text-based audience waiting for someone to do or say something interesting.</p><p class="western">For the first time that night, Viktor wishes it were just the two of them. So he could talk to Yuuri properly, without any added stressors, without accidentally putting Yuuri on the spot like he did. Maybe then he could have done it all right.</p><p class="western">Phichit takes the lapse in natural conversation to turn in his seat to face Yuuri. “Hey, wanna come over here? Some of the chat have some questions for you now.”</p><p class="western">(There are a few that Viktor does see in the chat, but he suspects that's not the main reason Phichit's calling Yuuri over.)</p><p class="western">“I dunno what questions those would be...” Yuuri mumbles, but he rises from his seat all the same. He wanders over to the empty chair next to Phichit and sits down. The glare from the monitor and an optimally positioned ring-light reflects in Yuuri's glasses, mostly shielding his big, brown eyes from sight.</p><p class="western">He's so much closer to the camera now. Viktor can make out more of his features, everything from the fullness of his lips (and the way they shine when Yuuri nervously wets them with the tip of his tongue), to the small light brown mole that sits on the left side of his neck, near the bottom, just peaking when the collar of Yuuri's shirt moves.</p><p class="western">Viktor can't even help but notice the fine bone structure of Yuuri's hands when he lifts one up to push his hair out of his eyes.</p><p class="western">(They're very nice hands. Fingers not too long or thick, and the fingernails are nicely kept. His hands look strong, like they can easily open a pickle jar without giving into pain when the skin chafes against the stubborness of a lid. Maybe it's an odd thing to consider attractive, but Viktor's struggled a lot over the years, okay.</p><p class="western">Holy shit, did he just wax poetic about Yuuri's <em>hands? </em>Just how far gone is he?)</p><p class="western">Viktor comes back to reality just in time to catch a flicker of a smirk on Phichit's face.</p><p class="western">Without warning, all three of Yuuri's friends rise from their seats, Leo and Guang-Hong making an exaggerated show of stretching their backs and limbs.</p><p class="western">“We should finally get to work,” Guang-Hong says, tone sly and borderline mischievous.</p><p class="western">“Yeah, it's almost 9, we'd better get started,” Phichit agrees in a similar voice. He hands Vicchan over to his owner, squashing any protest that might have been on Yuuri's lips as he's suddenly distracted with the squirming pupper in his arms. “You'll entertain chat for us, right?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri frowns, likely realizing too late his friend's evil scheme. But he stays seated, mumbling, “Traitors,” under his breath as he's suddenly left to his own devices. Vicchan stirs too much, restless, so Yuuri carefully places him back down on the floor. He then sits up right and starts to read through the chat. His friends get settled in the background with their scissors and hot glue guns, chatting amongst themselves as they get to work.</p><p class="western">Viktor waits as Yuuri answers a few simple questions – mostly about how he's been, about Vicchan – before he speaks up again.</p><p class="western">“If you don't mind me asking – and I saw some people in the chat wondering, too – why did you choose Ruby Moon?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri briefly looks up and into at the webcam, caught off guard, and then away just as quickly, looking off and somewhere else as he composes an answer. “Uh. I guess a couple of reasons. They're not very interesting ones to be honest.”</p><p class="western">“I'm interested,” Viktor counters. “And I think chat is too.”</p><p class="western"><em>TELL US</em>, one person all-caps in the chat.</p><p class="western"><em>^ what they said!</em> another quickly agrees.</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. (Oh, how his lips shine when he does that.) “Okay. Well, the first one is because she's so different from me. Originally I was going to do Yue and Phichit was going to do Ruby Moon, but when we talked about it in more depth we realized it would be a whole lot more fun to try and be characters that are unlike us. Plus, I think I'd look a whole lot better in her colour palette anyway. I still have weird feelings about how much white is in Sesshoumaru's costume, but at least he has a few other colours to help balance it out on me. Black, pink, and red work better with me usually.”</p><p class="western"><em>Oh, I'm inclined to agree, </em>Viktor thinks. “Are those the only reasons?” he inquires further, doing his best to behave himself and not out right flirt with the cute boy on the screen. He doesn't want to spook Yuuri back into his little sewing corner.</p><p class="western">“No. I also... maybe this is weird, and I know most of you guys know this already, but I just prefer cosplaying feminine characters? I usually have a whole lot more fun with it than I do dressing up as a guy.”</p><p class="western">“You look like you have more fun,” Viktor agrees.” You look a lot more relaxed in your WIPs and con vlogs when you're doing a lady character.”</p><p class="western">That has Yuuri snorting. It's nice to see a reaction that's not nervous or closed off, even if it edges into sardonic territory. “It's weird, right? I'm one hundred percent a guy. I just also really, really like wearing fancy dresses and lipstick and tall heels.”</p><p class="western">Oh, Yuuri in heels? Now there's a mental image Viktor likes.</p><p class="western">Viktor lets Yuuri's answer roll around in his head for a moment. An odd feeling abruptly tingles beneath his skin. He thinks he knows the answer already, but he asks the question anyway, almost needing to hear Yuuri confirm it for him. “It feels good, doesn't it? Dressing up like that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “I know it's strange...”</p><p class="western">“I don't think it is.”</p><p class="western">“Well, some people think it is.”</p><p class="western">“'Some people' don't matter. If you're happy doing it, who cares?”</p><p class="western">There's an explosion of comments in the chat, all agreeing with Viktor's feeling exactly. He catches a few of them:</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're a HOT LADY Yuuri! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Some people suck and should not be listened to ever!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I tried out crossplaying because of you! If you ever gave it up I'd cry a river!</em>
</p><p class="western">The last one has Yuuri nearly squirming in his seat. “I mean... thanks? I dunno what to say to that. I'm sorry.”</p><p class="western"><em>Don't be sorry. Just take a bow,</em> is what Viktor wants to say. How does this boy not understand the effect he has on others? He's seen the comments on their Patreon, on the photos and videos that star this sweet, nervous boy. Within the community Yuuri has helped build, there's a strong number of them that follow specifically for Yuuri's powerful gender fucking. It wouldn't surprise Viktor at all if there are even more silent admirers as well. It's hard to believe that anyone <em>wouldn't</em> be inspired by Yuuri. Viktor certainly is.</p><p class="western">“I mean...” Yuuri continues, still squirming, not quite looking at the screen, “if there's anyone you should be thanking, it's Viktor. I only started doing it because of him.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's smile falls. The admittance brings up conflicted feelings. Viktor misses the days where he crossplayed more than anything, but he thinks how poorly he'd done it back then, and how ill-fitting it is on his body now, and he wants to shrivel up into nothing. He can't even think about making an attempt now, being years out of practice, with a body like... like his. It's too ugly to consider.</p><p class="western">And then there's his livelihood to consider. It doesn't make sense from a business stand point to risk it all for a chance to be...</p><p class="western">Well. It doesn't matter.</p><p class="western">“I'm flattered...” he starts, but trails off as he finds he doesn't know how to finish that sentence.</p><p class="western">“I used to stare at pics of your Sheik cosplay all the time and wonder how you did it,” Yuuri blurts out then.</p><p class="western">Sheik? Fuck, that was so long ago. That was first cosplay Viktor ever did that got him a lot of attention on the internet. He recalls the (admittedly amusing) confusion, of an entire video game fandom all collectively trying to guess at his gender. Most of them were wrong, insisting over and over that he was clearly a girl. Contrary to what many back then assumed, it hadn't cothered Viktor at all. If anything, it was so much fun watching them try to get it right. It was almost a disappointment when it came out that he was a guy after all. Such a thing wouldnd't happen now. No matter what he wears now, he's obviously a man whether he likes it or not.</p><p class="western">“I was fifteen and had most of my face covered up,” Viktor answers matter-of-factly. “Sheik is farily feminine looking facially speaking, but they also has a masculine body-type, so it's not like I had to worry about my chest or hips. It's not really that impressive, all things considered. I'm more amazed by <em>your</em> skill, if anything. You have an adult male body, and yet you can look as womanly as you want. It's like magic.”</p><p class="western">“It's not magic, it's padding and heavy make-up,” Yuuri says with a confused blink.</p><p class="western">Viktor replies with, “You make it look like magic. I know it's not, but that's how it looks. And in the cosplay world, looks are all that really matters.” And then, because he suddenly doesn't care, he just wants so badly for Yuuri to get how important his art truly is, “I wish I had half the talent you did back when I did it.”</p><p class="western">He almost laughs at the outright baffled look on Yuuri's face. The words aren't processing, he can tell. Yuuri's brain has obviously frozen hardcore and the reboot tune is still echoing in his brain as the rest of him rushes to catch up.</p><p class="western">“Did you think I was just saying shit earlier when I said you have a real knack for this?” Viktor teases. “I meant everything I said. I really admire your craft, Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">“I-I...” Yuuri stammers. That gorgeous flush is back on his cheeks again. His hands are up and squishing said cheeks. The slight push puckers out his lips just enough to really emphasize their plushness, and before Viktor can stop himself, more dangerous words are already out of his mouth.</p><p class="western">“Keep making that cute face of yours, and I'll keep praising the hell out of you. Deal?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's jaw drops. “W-What?!”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, would you look at that. Chat agrees with me.”</p><p class="western">“Chat, shut up!” Yuuri nearly shouts.</p><p class="western">Viktor bursts out laughing. He feels... elated, somehow. It's a miracle Yuuri's at the computer and blushing at all the compliments.</p><p class="western">“I can't believe I'm hearing this,” Yuuri moans in near agony.</p><p class="western">“That's okay, I'm perfectly happy saying it again and again until you do believe it.”</p><p class="western">“You can't be serious!”</p><p class="western">“Oh, I'm very serious.” Viktor laughs again at Yuuri's poor face. Is there any blood left in the rest of his body? Surely not. “You've got more questions, Yuuri. Better hurry up and answer them.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in a long, frustrated breath. “Not yet. I'm not letting you get away with teasing me in front of everyone.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smirks. Yuuri is too easy to toy with. It's too much fun. “Oh? And what are you going to do about it?”</p><p class="western">That appears to stump him good and hard, because Yuuri's mouth opens and closes like a fish in a fishbowl, and all he comes up with, “I don't know, but I'll come up with something! When you least suspect it.”</p><p class="western">That just makes Viktor's smirk grow even wider. “I look forward to it, then. Do your worst.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grumbles something Viktor can't make out. It almost sounds like, “You'll see, you'll all see,” but he's unsure.</p><p class="western">With the teasing at an end, the cutie-pie goes back to reading the chat's comments. There's more questions about Ruby Moon, but it's moreso fans who aren't familiar with the character or the source material. Yuuri answers most of the questions, but insists on avoiding major spoilers.</p><p class="western">“No, I'm <em>not</em> telling you how it ends. You're all as bad as Phichit. Please ask something else.”</p><p class="western">Viktor sits back and happily listens to Yuuri try to explain what a Clow card is, or who Clow Reed even is. Part of him thinks he should chime in and help Yuuri out, especially when the boy's brow pinches in the middle as he tries to recall all of the strange alterations the American dub made decades ago, but Viktor's just as content to listen to Yuuri talk about a common interest.</p><p class="western">And Viktor would be lying if he said it wasn't a treat to watch Yuuri's face light up as he rambles about something he clearly enjoys and holds dear.</p><p class="western">“... and she's not even from the manga,” Yuuri's saying, the calmest Viktor's seen him all night, “they added her for the anime for some extra drama with the love... triangle? Square? You get what I mean. But anyway, I really like her. She comes a long way, and there's some really interesting episodes with her and her relationship with Syaoran. It's one of those few times where an added character actually benefits the story in more ways than it does hinder it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes trail absently to the bottom right of his screen, and he feels himself deflate when he realizes that it's nearing 10. He needs to take Makkachin out one last time, just so there's no accidents throughout the night, and then prepare himself for bed.</p><p class="western">“Sorry to interrupt...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances up at the webcam, stopping mid-sentence. “Huh?”</p><p class="western">“It's getting near my bedtime. I better call it a night,” Viktor explains, almost apologetically.</p><p class="western">To Viktor's surprise, Yuuri's shoulders fall. “Oh. Okay.”</p><p class="western">“It was fun,” Viktor says, hoping Yuuri can hear the smile in his voice. “Thanks for having me on here.”</p><p class="western">“Uh, no problem,” Yuuri answers.</p><p class="western">In the background, Phichit sits up on his knees and waves his arms in the air. “Come back again! Don't be a stranger!”</p><p class="western">“Sure,” Viktor chuckles. And then, because he has to know for sure, “Is that okay with you, Yuuri? Do you want me back? I know I sort of just... dropped in you on tonight.”</p><p class="western">“I don't... I don't want to sound like <em>that</em> kind of fan...” Yuuri fidgets with his glasses. </p><p class="western">Viktor's reply takes no thought at all. “You won't. You aren't.”</p><p class="western">“Then, yes? I do? But only if you want to.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “I do.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, biting his bottom lip. The act makes Viktor want to reach out and gently urge it out from beneath Yuuri's teeth with a gentle pull of his thumb.</p><p class="western">(It almost makes Viktor want to slide that hand a little further back, cup Yuuri's jaw, and...</p><p class="western">He should seriously stop there.)</p><p class="western">Viktor heaves a silent breath. “Well. Good night, everyone. I'll catch you around the internet. Thanks again for having me.”</p><p class="western">The hard working cosplayers on the floor in the background all wave to the camera, stage-shouting, “Goodbye, Viktor!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's goodbye is silent, but he waves at the camera, a small smile on his lips. It feels shy, but also sincere. The kind of expression where you feel too much at once, and can't quite meet someone's eye lest they see just how much you feel in that moment.</p><p class="western">... Or, Viktor is just reading too much into it.</p><p class="western">Part of him hopes not.</p><p class="western">Before he can talk himself out of it, he logs out of the site, and sits back in his computer chair, staring up at his ceiling.</p><p class="western">He replays the night over in his mind, snapshots of Yuuri slowly warming up to him over the course of the stream.</p><p class="western">No, Yuuri isn't at all what Viktor expected. He's honestly so much more than his expectations. It was a rough start, but towards the end Viktor could begin to see some of the Yuuri he saw on Youtube and on their Patreon peeking out.</p><p class="western">And now Viktor wants to know even more about this beautiful, gender fucking boy.</p><p class="western">Viktor lets out a long sigh, and breathes out the only words that can come to mind at a time like this.</p><p class="western">“Well, fuck me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Writing Viktor not getting how an anxiety disorder works and being like “what do you mean Yuuri's still nervous?” is simultaneously very fun and very frustrating, as someone who struggles with anxiety lmao. But he also straight up doesn't know Yuuri has that kind of anxiety so we shouldn't be too hard on him.</p><p>I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing at all. I've read this over so many times I can no longer tell if it makes sense. I think it does? But I'm not trusting my brain on this one.</p><p>Till next time! &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. what the hell am I doing?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cosplay notes:</p><p>A wig cap is a thin piece of tight fabric (usually a light nude colour although other colours do exist) that a cosplayer wears underneath a wig. It helps hold your hair back/in place and keeps it from poking out from under the wig and being seen. It's highly recommended you wear one (or even two! Sometimes two is needed if there's a loooot of hair going on) if you wear a wig. It's honestly so much less of a headache to keep everything in place if you do.</p><p>Also, for the love of god, please don't wear a swim cap in place of a wig cap! You'll just end up hurting yourself and giving yourself an actual headache. That shit can rip your hair out real hard.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">The stream ends around 11 PM that night. Everyone has to work at some point the next day. Enough progress has been accomplished for the group to feel comfortable stopping, so they go through their usual 'good-bye' ramble and then shut the stream down for the night. The living room is tidied up as best as possible (though certain things Phichit just shrugs off and labels as “tomorrow's problem”), and Guang Hong and Leo leave with their things, promising to message the group chat later in the week.</p><p class="western">The last thing to do now is to just get ready for bed.</p><p class="western">Dressed in an old t-shirt and comfortably worn pair of flannel pants, Yuuri leans against the wall across from the entrance to the bathroom, staring up at the ceiling as he replays the last couple of hours over and over in his head. Surreal isn't a strong enough word for how it all feels now.</p><p class="western">“Chat sure got wild tonight,” Phichit says to him around his tooth brush.</p><p class="western">“Too wild,” Yuuri says with a sigh. “The second Viktor left, it's like all bets were off.”</p><p class="western">“I know, right? I can't believe you of all people actually went in and blocked all these new portmanteaus they were coming up with.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. He feels red and hot at the thought of how out of control certain sections of the chat had gotten. “Who even does that? Who comes up with a ship name based off two strangers who just met?”</p><p class="western">“Nerds,” is Phichit's flippant reply. He takes his tooth brush out of his mouth to add, “And, to be fair, these same people have watched your giant crush on Viktor unfold over the last couple of years in real time.”</p><p class="western">“It's not a crush.”</p><p class="western">“Fine, 'art-crush,' 'cosplay-crush,' whatever you wanna call it. They just know he's a big deal to you. They were just excited you finally got to talk to him. Even if they did go pretty far with it.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri frowns. “I don't care if they tease me. That's one thing. But they shouldn't make fun of Viktor through me. He's a nice guy, he doesn't deserve that. Especially not after all of the compliments he gave you tonight.”</p><p class="western">A slow smirk spreads across Phichit's mouth. “I mean. You're right. But what about the nice things he said about <em>you </em>tonight, buddy-boo?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels himself bristle at the implications. “What about me?”</p><p class="western">“He said some awfully nice things about you tonight.”</p><p class="western">“He was just...” Yuuri swallows.</p><p class="western">“Don't say 'just being nice,' because the things he said went way above and beyond 'nice.'</p><p class="western">“Can we not talk about this?”</p><p class="western">“We could,” Phichit states neutrally. He goes back to brushing, watching Yuuri through the mirror on the wall. “But! If you ask me – ”</p><p class="western">“No one asked you...”</p><p class="western">“<em>If </em>you asked me,” Phichit states again, louder, “I totally think Viktor was coming onto you. And, for the record, Leo and Guang Hong totally agree with me, which means it's three against one if you choose to deny reality.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri scowls back at Phichit's reflection in the mirror. His roommate pointedly ignores him and continues to finish up brushing.</p><p class="western">“Speaking of weird things, though...”</p><p class="western">Phichit glances back at him, brow raised with intrigue.</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “Did you notice he got a little... weird? About the whole crossplay thing?”</p><p class="western">“Elaborate.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno if I can. I just got a weird vibe.”</p><p class="western">“You mean like he secretly disproves? I didn't get that impression at all. If anything, he came onto you the hardest when you guys were doing the lady-talk. He totally thinks it's hot.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri chooses to ignore Phichit's comments in favour of sticking to the actual topic of conversation. He refuses to believe Viktor is at all like those creeps at conventions who hit on him <em>because</em> he confuses their sexuality. Not that Viktor had hit on him. At all. “No, not like that. More like...” He gestures at the air uselessly.</p><p class="western">Phichit snaps his fingers. “Like he misses it! Is that what you mean?”</p><p class="western">“I can't be sure, but...”</p><p class="western">“I'm not gonna lie, from what I remember of the conversation, he did sound pretty nostalgic for a little while there.” Phichit chuckles. “Y'know, it's funny. Most people look back on their old cosplays with a whole lot of embarrassment. They won't delete all of the evidence, but they'll sure as shit hide it so it's like it never existed at all. But I guess he doesn't really have that option, seeing as all those old pictures are so easy to find.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “He did sound embarrassed, but not because he'd done it at all, but more like because he didn't do it well enough the first time. He basically said so himself.”</p><p class="western">“Because you're the best he's seen and he wishes he could've been more like you back then,” Phichit quotes back at him, grinning far too broadly for Yuuri's liking.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's done with all the blushing he's done tonight, and yet his cheeks and ears burn all the same. The situation is already too much to wrap his head around, he doesn't need Phichit poking him with it either. “Stop while you're ahead.”</p><p class="western">“His words, not mine. Want me to go back through the stream and find it for you?”</p><p class="western">“<em>No.</em>”</p><p class="western">“Oh, I'm sorry. You were going to go back through the footage yourself to try and convince yourself it wasn't real. My bad.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's face is no longer on fire, it's fucking <em>blazing</em>. “You're evicted,” he hisses, because he's got nothing else to defend himself with.</p><p class="western">Phichit full on laughs this time. “Sure, Yuuri. I'll leave my rent on the kitchen table for you.” He flicks the bathroom light off and steps out, patting Yuuri's shoulder on his way past him to his bedroom. “You've got work early in the morning. Don't stay up too late messing around with your own head.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stays in the hallway long after the light in Phichit's room as gone out and the door is closed for the night. He stares at his bare feet, toes curling in the carpet.</p><p class="western">Does it still count as messing with your own head when you're trying to piece together what the hell just happened to you?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri loses track over the course of the week of how many times he goes back through the stream footage. On his breaks at work, late at night when he can't sleep, even when he's busy cleaning and doing upkeep around the apartment.</p><p class="western">(But never when Phichit is home, his roommate doesn't need to know how fixated he's become over this.)</p><p class="western">He studies every second of it like it holds the answer to every question he's ever had. He's got the damn thing near memorized by the middle of the week.</p><p class="western">It's not all for nothing, though. Three things come from his obsessive retracing of that single night.</p><p class="western">The first is that he's utterly and completely ashamed with how he handled Viktor coming onto voice chat.</p><p class="western">Even when he's not looking at the screen, Yuuri can hear the moment his brain shut down from the immense pressure of responding to his life-long idol in front of an audience, and the too-long period of time it takes for him to open up again and properly receive Viktor's compliments as they are. He re-experiences the fear and apprehension all over again, and it makes him wish he'd done it all differently. He could of at least said “thank you” and tried to say something nice back. His only comfort is that things did improve over the course of the stream, Yuuri's attitude included, and by the end of it Viktor doesn't appear hurt or bothered at all by the rocky start.</p><p class="western">(There's a voice in Yuuri's head that says Viktor's just really good at hiding his real feelings, because there's no way he wasn't bothered by Yuuri's rudeness. But it's not like Yuuri can turn back time. It's just an uncomfortable truth he has to sit with and accept.)</p><p class="western">The second thing Yuuri realizes is that he suspects a strong part of where Viktor's compliments come from is a place of nostalgia. Guessing from several remarks Viktor made during the stream, some part of him misses his older days of crossplaying. There's an undeniable longing in his voice, hints of regret and romanticism.</p><p class="western">Perhaps Viktor just misses the craft itself, or maybe even the memories associated with it. Yuuri can't be sure. He can't read minds. And despite being a huge fan for little more than decade, it's not like he personally knows Viktor very well.</p><p class="western">But that's not what concerns Yuuri most now. What bothers him is that Viktor thinks Yuuri's good, among “the best” Viktor's seen thus far, and so he can't help but compare his past self to Yuuri's present self.</p><p class="western">It isn't a fair comparison in the slightest. Make-up was very different in the 2000s. Cosplay itself was certainly different back then as well. Things evolved fast as the internet became more wildly popular and accessible. Everyone began sharing their wealth of experience and knowledge on dedicated forums, even going so far as to make in-depth tutorials for others to follow along with to take more of the guess work out. And with all of the crowd sourcing came the inevitable mass improvement of the craft itself. A lot of older methods and products cosplayers used to get the same job done have been replaced now with newer, more efficient techniques, or even just out right better looking and acting materials.</p><p class="western">In Yuuri's eyes, it's not fair for anyone to look ideally at the present, and then to look shamefully behind them and wonder how they didn't accomplish the same results when they had so much less to work with.</p><p class="western">There's one comment Viktor made in particular that stands out to Yuuri as perhaps the reason Viktor gave it all up:</p><p class="western">“<em>You have an adult male body, and yet you can look as womanly as you want. It's like magic.”</em></p><p class="western">Anyone else would have been flattered, but the comment confuses Yuuri more than anything. And, to be honest, it hurts for Yuuri to hear his idol talk like that.</p><p class="western">“<em>It's not magic,” </em>he'd insisted.</p><p class="western">But every time he plays that part back, he can hear Viktor's real response in his tone. The older cosplayer doesn't quite believe him.</p><p class="western">Viktor's right in that his body has changed, as all bodies do when they age, but Yuuri's also positive Viktor could do just as well – no, even <em>better</em> – if he just gave himself another chance at crossplaying. He has so much more skill, knowledge, and experience under his belt now. With a little research to update himself on current make-up trends he (presumably) hasn't dealt with, he could catch up real fast.</p><p class="western">This, of course, leads Yuuri to his third and most surprising realization: that not only does he want to see Viktor to crossplay again, but Yuuri wants to <em>share</em> the hobby with him.</p><p class="western">How silly it is, really. For him to think that <em>he</em> has something to share with Viktor. That he has expertise to pass on.</p><p class="western">Yet for the rest of the week, Yuuri can't get the notion out of his head.</p><p class="western">He's spent far too many days and nights wondering what Viktor could do if he ever returns to his old hobby, what he can potentially achieve at his current level. The Viktor from the mid-to-late 2000s was smaller in frame, and he pulled off younger female characters with ease, beautifully blending the perceived harsh line between two genders. It would undoubtedly be a different process now, given that Viktor is much older and very much a man, but who says he can't pull off a gorgeous woman if he wants to?</p><p class="western">And now that he suspects Viktor might secretly want that too, it's all Yuuri can think about.</p><p class="western">More than anything, Yuuri wants to open that door for him. He needs Viktor to know that the door was never closed in the first place.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That's how Yuuri finds himself Friday night, half-done up as Ruby Moon with his long, fully styled wig on his head and the current version of the make-up he wants for her. His head itches from the wig cap he has on and the pins holding his wig in place, but he hardly processes the annoying bit of sensation.</p><p class="western">He stares intensely down at his phone, his thumb hovering over the “DM” button on Viktor's cosplay Twitter account.</p><p class="western">“What am I doing?” he mumbles to himself.</p><p class="western">What <em>is</em> he doing?</p><p class="western">Except... he knows what he's doing. He may be neurotic and a (not hot) mess, but he's not stupid.</p><p class="western">He knew as soon as he bothered to put his contacts on in place of his normal glasses. He knew with each brush of his pink and red eyeshadow against his eyelid, each delicate swipe of the thin tip of his liquid eyeliner, of his liquid to matte lipstick tracing the delicate curves of his full lips.</p><p class="western">Bored and left alone at home on a Friday night with no one there to stop him, Yuuri's ambitions got the best of him.</p><p class="western">Although no one else was there to actually witness him applying all the layers of make-up on his face, Yuuri still transformed himself with an audience of one in mind.</p><p class="western"><em>You need to master this look anyway, </em>he'd told himself. That was his excuse to keep going, to keep from chickening out and running for the make-up wipes he keeps stashed in the bathroom.</p><p class="western">It was a good enough excuse to keep him going all the way to the end...</p><p class="western">But now he sits on the floor, staring at his phone, at <em>Viktor's Twitter account</em>, and the weight of his true intentions press heavily down on him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri rubs his lips together, the gloss he'd passed over the matte lipstick still slick and slippery, almost sticky. He feels hot beneath the heavy wig and make-up, like he could break out in a sweat at any second.</p><p class="western"><em>You gotta share this</em>, the traitorous voice in his head insists yet again. <em>Viktor will understand. He'll understand better than anyone. He'll probably even love it.</em></p><p class="western"><em>But what if I'm just bothering him?</em> another voice asks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri breathes long and deeply, forcibly so.</p><p class="western">He shouldn't bother Viktor.</p><p class="western">But he's already here, the make up is already on, and it will feel like a huge waste to not share it with someone who shares his interest. Who might even have helpful, constructive feedback to give back. In that context, it makes more sense to share his work than it does to hide it, right?</p><p class="western">Then a new thought occurs to him: what if he actually looks terrible? What if Viktor laughs at him?!</p><p class="western">In a moment of panic and self doubt, Yuuri closes the Twitter screen and brings back his camera to look at himself for the umpteenth time since he finished his make up.</p><p class="western">He studies his face over and over in his camera phone, long and hard. It takes longer before he feels his nerves settle, but eventually he admits privately to himself: <em>okay, this is actually the best I've looked yet.</em> He can second-guess it all he wants when he puts the phone down, but for now, while he's staring back at himself, he can see the truth of it. He looks <em>good.</em></p><p class="western">It's only his fourth costest thus far but it's already beginning to feel natural on his skin, like he's meant to look this way. Last time had also been pretty good, but there were parts of it that felt too large and cartoonish for the look he wanted. This time he thinned out the long, cat-winged liner, made it less cutesy and more mature. And, in an impulsive moment of “why the fuck not,” he also drew on small, fake lashes just beneath his bottom lash line. After all is said and done, he's glad he'd done it; the combination of extra lashes and thinner eyeliner makes his eyes pop far more than his last try. Not to mention it makes him look sly, almost seductive, far more like Ruby Moon than his last attempt.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri looks in his camera he doesn't see himself, a mid-twenty-something young man who basically lives in his sweats in his free time. He sees a charismatic, beautiful, feminine guardian of moon magic. For all intents and purposes, it's <em>not</em> him anymore.</p><p class="western">Maybe... maybe that's enough to impress Viktor. Maybe it's good enough to share with him.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just... open Twitter, click on the button, and word vomit before you chicken out.</em>
</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in his next breath and holds it in as he opens up Twitter again. He goes straight to Viktor's account and dives right into his private messaging screen.</p><p class="western">He begins to type.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey, this is Yuuri!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He stops there, unsure how to continue. What the hell does he say?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>I was practising my Ruby Moon make-up and I thought you'd wanna see it, so here you go. See you around!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Shit, it sounds so forced and awkward, like an email from a distant relative or old, out of touch friend who's just trying to pick up a relationship where it was last left off, but the more Yuuri tries to come up with something else the worse it sounds in his head. It's probably best that he leave it as short and simple as possible.</p><p class="western">Viktor's a busy guy, anyway. The less Yuuri troubles him, the better.</p><p class="western">With a defeated sigh, Yuuri picks the best of the selfies he's taken that night, a simple shot of him smiling up at the camera, and attaches it to the message.</p><p class="western">And then he hits send.</p><p class="western">In a burst of movement, he thrusts his phone to the other side of the couch and forces himself to just... sit still. Stay calm. To will his skin to stop tingling with anticipation and anxiety.</p><p class="western">It then dawns on him that now he has to wait for Viktor to even see the message, let alone respond.</p><p class="western">Which means he's left to sit there for however long it takes, becoming increasingly horrified at what he's done.</p><p class="western">A stray strand of wig hair slips into Yuuri's eyesight. He absently blows it out of the way.</p><p class="western">Well. Nothing to do now except... take it all off and go make a super late supper, he guesses.</p><p class="western">He gets up mechanically from the couch and heads to the bathroom to go and change back into his normal self... and then quickly races back to the living room when he realizes halfway there that he forgot his phone on the couch.</p><p class="western">He stares at the device in his hand, considering (fine, <em>overthinking</em>). Should he set the sound back on so that he'll know the instant there's a reply? Or will the wait to hear his notification sound just drive him crazy?</p><p class="western">Yuuri goes back and forth until he decides it's better to turn the sound on. He doesn't want to seem desperate – even if he totally is – but the sooner he knows there's a reply, the sooner he can stop panicking about it. It also means he doesn't have to keep staring at his phone, watching the screen for the notification to pop up.</p><p class="western">“Okay. Time to go be Yuuri again,” he says to himself as he heads back to the bathroom. At least the make-up wipe feels nice and cool on his face. His skin feels light and free again as soon as every inch is scrubbed with the damp wipe.</p><p class="western">After putting his wig back on his wig head for later, he wanders into the kitchen for a quick-ish meal.</p><p class="western">He's shifting through the contents of the fridge when he hears Vicchan rushing into the kitchen, no doubt thinking that one of the humans being in the kitchen means the potential for food for him as well.</p><p class="western">Smiling down with pity at his sweet pupper – he's not getting human food, as much as Vicchan wants it – Yuuri bends down briefly to pet him before going back to prepping his meal. He'll give Vicchan a treat later.</p><p class="western">Yuuri most definitely does <em>not</em> keep checking his phone every other minute as he tries to get on with the rest of his night. Not while he's washing his rice, not when he's chopping veggies, and certainly not while he's standing by the stove top and stirring around his sliced up chicken with a spatula. He's not tense, feeling every second of his life drag past him by like it's a whole ass minute.</p><p class="western">Is the sound on? Is it working? He tests his phone, makes sure that, yes, the sound is in fact on, and no, there aren't any new notifications. The reality of the matter is that Yuuri is just impatient.</p><p class="western">He forces himself to set the phone aside, if only so he can feel less pathetic about the whole thing. It doesn't work. And the longer he waits, the longer the silence really begins to settle deep in his bones.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs, feeling himself deflating the longer he waits for any sign of a reply.</p><p class="western">Maybe Viktor didn't see his message. It is his cosplay account, after all. People probably blow up his DMs all day long. It's actually surprising that Viktor doesn't have his account set so that non-mutuals can't sent him messages.</p><p class="western">(Or maybe it's not. Yuuri can't picture Viktor ever turning someone down or away, not unless he truly needed to. Phichit did mention the possibility of a social media manager a while ago, maybe they veto the messages first?)</p><p class="western">So maybe... it just got buried.</p><p class="western">Or ignored.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares at the floor, trying to will himself to feel anything other than disappointment. It's only when the sound and smell of his food sizzling and burning catches his attention that he comes back to life and forgets his phone and his message altogether as he tries to his best to salvage his meal.</p><p class="western">“Great,” he sighs aloud. The veggies are a little overcooked for his liking now (even a touch burnt on one side). Oh, well. At least the chicken mostly survived, and the rice is fine. The soy sauce will still save his meal, for what it's worth.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's heading out the living room with his plate when he hears the front door open. Vicchan lets out an excited yip and scurries towards the entrance.</p><p class="western">“Heeeey boy, how you doin'?” Phichit greets in a gentle voice. His voice raises as he calls out, “Yuuri? You home?”</p><p class="western">“In here,” Yuuri calls back. “There's food in the kitchen if you want some.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, yes please,” Phichit practically moans as he steps further into the apartment. He drops his bag on the seat next to Yuuri and immediately heads toward the kitchen. “How was your day? Do anything exciting?”</p><p class="western">“Umm. Kind of.”</p><p class="western">Phichit pokes his head out the kitchen doorway, brow raised. “Kind of? What does 'kind of' mean?”</p><p class="western">But Yuuri shakes his head. “Don't worry about it. Go get your food before it gets cold.”</p><p class="western">Phichit snickers. “Yes, dear.”</p><p class="western">When Phichit comes back into the living room, full plate in his hand, he shoves his bag out of the way and collapses next to Yuuri on the couch. Vicchan follows him, standing up on his hind legs to try and get a good sniff at their meals.</p><p class="western">“Thanks for supper. I'll get tomorrow's.”</p><p class="western">“Sounds good.” Yuuri gets Vicchan's attention with a snap of his fingers and points across the room. “Down, Vicchan. Go rest.”</p><p class="western">Obediently, though with much sad glancing over his small shoulder, Vicchan wanders over to his little puppy sized dog bed. He walks in small circles and then flops down. He continues to stare at them from across the living room though, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he watches his humans eat.</p><p class="western">“Soooo....” Phichit stirs his food around on his plate. “What kind of exciting thing did you do today?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri chews a piece of broccoli before he decides to answer honestly. “I worked on Ruby Moon.”</p><p class="western">“Nice. What'd you do?”</p><p class="western">“Just some make-up. Wanna see?”</p><p class="western">“Always!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grabs his phone (breathing halting in his chest when he briefly checks to see if there's any Twitter notifications that he somehow magically missed, then slowly releasing when he sees there are none). He opens up his gallery to show Phichit his recently taken selfies.</p><p class="western">His roommate takes his phone and scrolls through the photos, mouth hanging open. “Oh, my god. Yuuri! These look fantastic! Did you level up or something?”</p><p class="western">The corner of Yuuri's mouth lifts. “Maybe. You think it looks good?”</p><p class="western">“Hell, yeah! You looked good last time too, but this time you look more like you're about to step on me and make me beg for mercy.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. “Now that's a mental image.”</p><p class="western">“It's what you're going for though, isn't it?”</p><p class="western">“Technically, yes.”</p><p class="western">“I can't wait to see the full thing when it's done,” Phichit sighs happily. “You're gonna look amazing.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles despite himself. Even if Viktor never sees the selfie, at least his friend thinks he's improved upon his look. “You'll look amazing, too.”</p><p class="western">“Naturally,” Phichit replies cheekily. Before anything else can be said a sound bit of a puppy barking interrupts the conversation. The sound plays again without warning, and then again, nearly tripping over itself. Phichit glances down at the phone with surprise. “Ooh, what's this? Is someone blowing up your phone?”</p><p class="western">The moment freezes in time, Yuuri staring at his oblivious friend as he realizes all at once, much too fast for his brain to properly catch up: <em>it's Viktor!</em></p><p class="western">Before his mind has a chance to process, his hand is already snatching the phone back from Phichit's grip.</p><p class="western">“H-Hey!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri barely hears Phichit's protests. He's too busy unlocking his phone, checking his notifications. There's a phone update available, some Facebook ones he doesn't care about, and...</p><p class="western">Right there, right on his screen.</p><p class="western"><em>Nike Cosplay</em> DM'd him!</p><p class="western">“Holy shit.”</p><p class="western">“What? Why're you making that face?” Phichit leans across the couch, trying to get a look at Yuuri's phone. “Did some cute girl or boy just text you?”</p><p class="western">Reflexively, Yuuri cradles his phone close to his chest and, after maneuvering his plate of food onto the table, scrambles to the far side of the couch. That has Phichit squinting his eyes.</p><p class="western">“Oh. I see. A <em>very</em> cute girl or boy.”</p><p class="western">“N-No,” Yuuri stammers, but Phichit's not buying it.</p><p class="western">“Have it your way. Just promise to warn me before you invite them over for some fun.”</p><p class="western">“It's not like that,” Yuuri blurts. “It's just – it's just Viktor, okay?”</p><p class="western">That changes the look on Phichit's face. Straight from teasing and amusement all the way to flat shock. He blinks several times. “Wait. Let me get this straight. You're texting <em>Viktor Nikiforov?</em>”</p><p class="western">“Not exactly texting...” Yuuri huffs out his next breath. He wants this conversation over and done with so he can hurry up and check Viktor's reply. But Phichit's staring hard at him, most definitely not letting the topic drop.</p><p class="western">“Just what?” Phichit presses further.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs internally and caves. “Y'know how I said I was practising my Ruby Moon earlier? I might have... sent Viktor a selfie. Or something. Over Twitter.”</p><p class="western">Oddly enough, Phichit says nothing. They stare at each other, faces blank, as though they are both waiting for something to happen.</p><p class="western">Eventually Phichit nods at the phone. “Well? Don't keep us in suspense. What'd he say?”</p><p class="western">Carefully, like he's scared he'll suddenly drop his phone and it will shatter into pieces somehow, Yuuri pulls it away form his chest and to a reasonable distance. He swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry. With a tap of his phone he activates it, types in his password, and unlocks it.</p><p class="western">He clicks on the notification, and his phone takes him straight to the private messaging page of his Twitter.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western"><em>Hi Yuuri! I didn't realize you have a Twitter! </em>: D</p><p class="western">
  <em>WAOW, look at you go! How'd you get the red and pink eyeshadow to blend so seamlessly?! I'm in awe!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri reads the message aloud, as calmly as he can manage, though it's difficult to find his voice in the moment. His hands feel too warm and damp around his phone, so he holds it tightly so that it doesn't slip out of his grip. When he reaches the end, he goes back and rereads the message over again, silently to himself, and then again.</p><p class="western">
  <em>He thinks I look good!</em>
</p><p class="western">Viktor even said wow – or wrote it in that funny way he does online sometimes. Yuuri's dreamt of Viktor reacting to him like that for <em>years</em>. It's almost as good as hearing Viktor say it out loud.</p><p class="western">A rush of a strange, alien feeling floods Yuuri's body from head to toe. It leaves him warm and tingling, and he finds himself unable to do anything but stare at the DM screen and soak in the surreality of it all.</p><p class="western">When he finally looks up, Phichit is staring at him with just as much awe and excitement as Yuuri feels churning in his body.</p><p class="western">“What should I do?” he finds himself asking, even though he already knows the answer.</p><p class="western">“Message him back,” Phichit helpfully says out loud for him, making the option tangible and real. “Look, he even asked you a question. Start with that.”</p><p class="western">Nodding slowly, Yuuri looks back down at his phone and tries to compile a reasonable response that won't bore Viktor with too many specifics.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I do. It's just a silly personal account, I only really use it to follow people and share our group stuff. I don't really advertise it anywhere.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lots and lots of blending! You gotta be patient, sometimes go back in and re-add eyeshadow. Also helps if you have decently pigmented eyeshadow with a good payoff. It took half an hour lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri hits send, and allows himself to breathe again.</p><p class="western">“Soooo...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri avoids Phichit's long and measured stare.</p><p class="western">“What motivated you to slide into Viktor's DMs?”</p><p class="western">“I didn't <em>slide into</em> his DMs.”</p><p class="western">“Sure, sure. So what made you do it?”</p><p class="western">Does he dare be honest? He's not entirely sure he wants to say it out loud. Not the whole thing, anyway. He's been bold enough for one day. So he meets Phichit only halfway with a short, sweet, “I thought he'd want to see my make-up. That's all.”</p><p class="western">Brow furrowing, Phichit says, “That can't be it. Mr. Twist-My-Arm-To-Be-Social just out of nowhere goes and tries to chat up Viktor Nikiforov over Twitter?”</p><p class="western">“Hm, yup. That's about it.”</p><p class="western">Phichit clicks his tongue. “Uh huh.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri considers being more honest, with both Phichit and himself.</p><p class="western">But then his phone goes off again.</p><p class="western">Phichit smirks. “Oooh, that was fast.”</p><p class="western">For a moment Yuuri thinks about telling Phichit how long he waited for the first reply, but he buries the response, instead unlocking his phone again to see the reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ah, I see. A secret account. ; D No wonder I couldn't find you on here. Is it okay if I follow you back or would you rather I not?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think I understood most of that lol. It's been forever since I messed with eyeshadow, and back then it was always the drug store stuff. I bet the stuff you have is way better.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor wants to follow him? Yuuri feels strange all over, like he's living in a lucid dream where he can call all of the shots. Funnily enough, that dreamlike feeling makes it easier for Yuuri read Viktor's message and respond to it like he normally would, not at all like when he had to hear Viktor's voice over the voice chat.</p><p class="western">Thumb flying over the keypad, he replies back immediately.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You can if you want, but I'll probably bore you. The only stuff I put on here are pics of Vicchan. If you just want to see cosplay stuff you only need to follow Phichit's account.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Some drug store stuff is actually pretty good. Some of the really expensive stuff can be crap, too. Trust me, I've wasted enough money figuring this out the hard way.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He hits send.</p><p class="western">“That sure was a lot of typing,” Phichit comments. “You two getting along well?”</p><p class="western">“I think so?” Yuuri confesses. “I wasn't expecting to actually talk with him. He must be bored or something.”</p><p class="western">“Or something,” Phichit echoes, an odd tone to his voice. Out of nowhere he lets out a yawn. He rises with his still-full plate of food off of the couch.</p><p class="western">“Leaving?” Yuuri asks, surprised his friend isn't hanging around for a while longer. They spend most nights just chilling in the living room. Rarely do they part ways for the night before 10.</p><p class="western">Nodding, Phichit lets out another large yawn. “Yeah, I had a long day. I'mma just finish this up in my room and crash. Say hi to Viktor for me, yeah?”</p><p class="western">As if on cue, Yuuri's phone goes off again, puppy barks alerting Yuuri of another message from Viktor.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri agrees. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p class="western">With a small wave, Phichit takes his leave. “G'night!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri waits until Phichit is out of the room before he turns back to his phone.</p><p class="western">Along with the notification of a new DM, there's a second Twitter alert: Nike Cosplay now follows his personal account.</p><p class="western">It's a lot to take in. Yuuri's dreamt of a lot of things, but in all honesty, this isn't one he ever dared to touch.</p><p class="western">Sucking in a shaky breath, he opens up his DMs.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you kidding? I live for puppy pics! That's an insta-follow for me. Vicchan deserves followers!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow, really? The way all those beauty youtubers go on about their hundred dollar palettes you'd think they'd all be absolutely perfect. I guess I've just been out of that scene for too long to know better. Good thing you're around to tell me otherwise.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Also I have to ask. What does your username mean? I think I get it, but what's a katsudone?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Under his breath, Yuuri lets out a faint chuckle.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Vicchan thanks you! Or he would if he wasn't asleep right now. He'll thank you later.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Of course they do, they're paid to hype garbage products, especially if their name is attached. There's some beauty tubers out there who will tell the truth, tho. I can send you some if you're ever interested.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's kind of a pun? It's katsudon, but I added an 'e' at the end so it also stands for 'done.' Katsudon's just my favourite food. It's also kind of a running joke with our fans. They're always saying how done with life I look on camera sometimes, lol.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Tell Vicchan when he wakes up it's no problem~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Truuue. I don't follow the scene close enough to know names but I do remember some scandals and call outs lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You can send them if you want! I'm always down to watch random stuff before bed. : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oooohhhh! I've never heard of it before. Google is telling me it's a pork dish of some sort? It looks so good! Or maybe I'm just that hungry</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri settles deeper into the couch, feeling more relaxed than he has all day.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll make a list of the best ones and send 'em your way : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh it's not your stomach lying to you, it IS good. It's honestly the best! I only eat it once in a while, usually after I finish a costume. I can't make it as good as mom does, though. So usually I just find an excuse to go home and visit so I can have some of hers lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western"><em>Thank yoouuuu </em>o(^▽^)o</p><p class="western">
  <em>Awww no don't tell me that! My stomach is rumbling now!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is home far away?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's comment has Yuuri remembering that he has food, right there beside him on the couch. He makes a face at how cold it must be by now. He rises from the couch with his plate to go warm it up in the microwave, phone in hand so he can continue replying while in the kitchen.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sorry! If it makes you feel any better I'm hungry right now too lol. I just remembered I have food but it's totally cold now. Oops</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nah, not really. It's a bit of a drive but nothing I can't handle. They own a cozy inn outside the city. Phichit comes with me sometimes for a day or two of free relaxation when we need to get away from it all</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There's a small delay after the reply is sent. Yuuri waits in silence, wondering whether the conversation is over or not. The microwave dings with his food before another reply arrives. But, as Yuuri's heading back to the couch, Viktor's message eventually comes through.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Don't be, I like hearing about new things~ It gives me something to look forward to trying someday!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That sounds so nice. The only places I stay that aren't home are the hotels at cons lol. Your family's inn sounds a lot more personable though. It must be nice to have family relatively close by.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Back in his cozy spot on the couch, Yuuri absently eats his meal as he continues to type on his phone. He doesn't know where the ease of replying comes from, but it feels less like he's texting a stranger (or an idol) and more like... well, not a friend. They don't know each other well enough for that. But, with the way their conversation is going, there's a growing feeling inside that says there's the potential for it.</p><p class="western">But for all he knows, it's just Viktor having a boring night in and looking to be distracted by random conversation.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri tries not to get his hopes up.</p><p class="western">All while continuing to text back and forth, long into the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. ready to jump again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Minor warning for some more internalized transphobia. Mostly just Viktor cutting a relevant conversation topic down before it can really get anywhere because of a lot of shame.</p><p>There's also some minor Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild opinions in this chapter, but no heavy spoilers. If you like FF 13 then I'm sorry but whoops some very minor criticism ahoy (I personally have very mixed feelings). If you're not into FF at all then all you really need to know is that 13 is super divisive among fans because of gameplay and plot reasons.</p><p>Is this fic partially an excuse to watch my faves also nerd out about some of my favourite things? MAYBE</p><p>I'm sorry this chapter took longer than expected, I struggled really hard with the first half of it. I wrote basically 3 different versions of it before I realized I was writing it more from a Yuuri-centric POV than a Viktor one, where there's more worries about what it all means than just pure joy that something good is potentially happening? You know you write too much angst as a hobby when you realize after deleting 5-8 pages worth of writing several times that you're writing a happy chapter all wrong! Did I temporarily forget how happiness works?? YEAH, KINDA. THAT'S super embarrassing</p><p>Here's some abbreviations/terms for y'all for this chapter (/finger guns):</p><p>loz = Legend of Zelda</p><p>ff = Final Fantasy</p><p>chocobo:  giant yellow bird creature from Final Fantasy. They are beyond adorable! Please google them for an instant hit of that sweet, sweet serotonin.</p><p>vai = a female Gerudo (a fantasy race in LOZ that live in the desert. They're mostly all veeeery tall, physically strong women. They've only been in two LOZ games though, Ocarina of Time originally and now in Breath of the Wild. There's lore reasons for their absence and it's uh very dark and kinda upsetting. But they're back now so YAY)</p><p>NPC = a gaming term that means “non-player character.” Kinda self-explanatory but it just means any character you don't personally control in a game. Think shop keepers and background people you sometimes have the option of interacting with.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Well, well. Isn't this familiar,” Chris says by way of greeting the next morning.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks up from his phone, a bite of scrambled egg halfway to his mouth. “Huh?”</p><p class="western">“You're sitting at the table again. Only this time, you look like you're in an awfully good mood.” Christophe busies himself with scooping some vanilla yogurt into a small bowl. His first coffee of the morning is brewing. Even though Viktor can only see Christophe's back as he prepares his breakfast, he can hear the amused grin in his friends voice. “You've been smiling at your phone since I walked in.”</p><p class="western">“Have I?” Now that he thinks about it, Viktor has been smiling all morning. All last night, too. His cheeks are tired and even starting to hurt. He can't remember the last time he felt this bright and buoyant, like he could float right out of his seat and up into space.</p><p class="western">Talking to Yuuri all night just... does that to him. He feels lighter in body and mind than he has in literal years. He feels <em>good</em>.</p><p class="western">The messages stopped hours ago mid-conversation – Yuuri likely fell asleep – but just thinking about them makes Viktor's heart want to burst with happiness. Is it too soon to message a “good morning!” to Yuuri? Would that be weird? Should he wait for Yuuri to message back first? Viktor's been going back and forth on the decision all morning. But it's just as well. He keeps scrolling through their chat log and getting lost rereading everything at his leisure. Part of him is still amazed that this is real, and he just wants to bask in the dream-like afterglow.</p><p class="western">Christophe grabs the creamer from the fridge and the large Chocobo jar full of sugar that they keep on the counter, adding his preferred amount of both to his coffee. His spoon clinks against the ceramic of his mug as he stirs, the only sound in the otherwise quiet room.</p><p class="western">“Sooo,” he draws out, conspiratorially, “are you going to tell me why you're smiling like that, or are you going to keep it a secret?”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums quietly to himself. Does he want to share the fact he was up late talking to a cute boy with Chris? Yes, but Viktor can't help but want to bait his friend with the secret knowledge anyway. Chris does it to him all the time, and it's been so long since Viktor had good, non-cosplay related news to want to bounce off the walls about.</p><p class="western">“It's a secret,” he finally answers. He laughs a little too loudly at the betrayed look Christophe's face.</p><p class="western">“Really, now? I thought we were friends.”</p><p class="western">“Consider it revenge for that time you and Masumi woke me up in the middle of the night.”</p><p class="western">“We weren't <em>that</em> drunk. We tip-toed.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just raises his brow. That's not at all how he remembers it. “Drunk enough to slam noisily into walls on your way to your bedroom. You even woke poor Makkachin up.”</p><p class="western">“Makka is a light sleeper. A sneeze wakes her up.”</p><p class="western">“Poor pupper,” Viktor croons, ignoring his friend's defense. He reaches down his side to scratch Makka's back. She lifts her head in greeting and lolls her tongue out as she basks in the unexpected attention. “Did mean ol' Chrissy and his boyfriend wake you up? Yes they did, yes they did!”</p><p class="western">Eyes rolling, Christophe finishes preparing his morning parfait. He's stashing the ingredients back in the fridge and cupboard when he retorts with, “Fine, have it your way. Two can play this game.”</p><p class="western">“You're terrible at keeping secrets.”</p><p class="western">“But not at teasing with them,” Christophe replies cheekily. He picks up his breakfast and starts to leave the room when Viktor stops him.</p><p class="western">(Like Viktor could really keep news like this a secret for long.)</p><p class="western">“Wait. I'll tell you if you promise not to freak out.”</p><p class="western">Chris glances over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. “... The hell have you been doing, Nikiforov? Why would I freak out?”</p><p class="western">Viktor pats the empty space next to him at the dining table. “Get over here and find out.”</p><p class="western">Christophe pauses, eyes on Viktor like he's assessing whether or not he should be concerned over what he's about to find out. But he still approaches the table and sits down. Lightly stirring his parfait, he regards Viktor with pretend nonchalance. “All right. Enlighten me. What naughty things have you been up to?”</p><p class="western">Viktor sets his phone aside and leans on his crossed arms. “Soooo. I've been talking to someone.”</p><p class="western">“To a boy?”</p><p class="western">“To a boy,” Viktor confirms.</p><p class="western">Face carefully neutral, Chris silently sips his coffee and waits for Viktor to continue.</p><p class="western">Viktor thinks he should probably be nervous about confessing that he's been busy flirting his way into trouble, but oddly he's not. It's been a long, long time since he's been interested in anyone, but rather than feeling hung up on the reality that it's been a while since he's been involved with anyone romantically, what he feels is more anticipatory. It's the sort of rush someone feels when they look out into the free and open sky before they choose to jump out of the plane, trusting their parachute will protect them from harm.</p><p class="western">It's scary, but he feels so, so ready to jump again.</p><p class="western">Besides, he suspects his friend will be excited for him. Who wouldn't be?</p><p class="western">“So,” Viktor traces the rim of his own cup of coffee with the tip of his finger, “you know how I pledged for Yuuri's group Patreon last week?”</p><p class="western">“Uh huh...” Christophe hums around a spoonful of breakfast.</p><p class="western">“Well, they had a stream last weekend. And I showed up.”</p><p class="western">“Right...”</p><p class="western">No judgment so far. Just a blank face and a mild but curious tone of voice. Except knowing Chris, he's withholding all opinion until he's heard the whole story.</p><p class="western">Viktor presses forward. “They noticed me there and invited me to voice chat with them. I got to talk to everybody.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri included, I take it?”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. It's harder to hide his smile now that it wants to stretch from ear to ear. “Yeah.”</p><p class="western">Christophe takes another sip of his coffee, then sets the mug down. He takes in Viktor's inability to hide his joy, and something in his expression finally softens, becomes more receptive to what he's hearing. “Did you make a friend?”</p><p class="western">“I think so? Not at first, though. Yuuri avoided me for almost an hour when I showed up. I was complimenting everyone on their hard work, him especially. But I think I came on too hard with him.”</p><p class="western">“Like you were <em>actually</em> coming onto him, or...?”</p><p class="western">“Well... Yes? But I meant every word I said, regardless of the flirting. I just really needed him to know how beautiful of a woman he makes, you know?”</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts again. “Nice. I can see Yuuri's face now. Did it look like he shit his pants?”</p><p class="western">Viktor holds back a chuckle. He shouldn't be laughing, especially not after how worried he'd been that he'd crossed a line. But it's admittedly a little funny in hindsight now that he's spent a night just chatting to the boy as though they were something like friends. “Kinda? He looked like he was freaking out. But eventually he warmed up to me and we talked for a while on the stream. It was a lot of fun.”</p><p class="western">“Wow, 'Viktor' and 'fun' in the same sentence is almost an anomaly,” Christophe teases, but he's smiling up at him over the rim of his mug. “Okay. So you had a good night last weekend. What does that have to do with you smiling like a dumbass at your phone? Unless...”</p><p class="western">Unable to help himself, Viktor bites his lip against too-broad smile. He almost wants to hide behind his fringe. His cheeks are warm and his breath feels caught in his chest like a fluttery butterfly. He can't even say it out loud, can he? Putting it into words too real, makes it known, when just the private experience alone is already almost too much for his body to take.</p><p class="western">What is he, a teenager again? God, he feels so young. It scares him a little bit.</p><p class="western">One look at Viktor has Christophe mirroring the same giddiness Viktor feels bubbling up inside. “<em>Shut up</em>. Were you up all night talking to Yuuri?! How in the hell did you pull that off? That boy avoids everyone like the plague.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “I have no idea. I didn't contact him after the stream because I thought that'd be a bit much. I thought, you know, maybe I'll see him around at some point. I said what I wanted to, I shouldn't do anything else. It was probably weird enough to him that I even showed up to the stream. But then last night he just messaged me on Twitter out of the blue and we got to talking.”</p><p class="western">Christophe's mouth falls open. “He actually slid into your DMs?”</p><p class="western">“I wouldn't say <em>that</em>...”</p><p class="western">“You wouldn't, but I absolutely would. What did he say? There must have been a reason for him to contact you.”</p><p class="western">Does he dare show Christophe the reason why? Viktor almost doesn't want to. Yuuri shared that picture with him. For all he knows Yuuri didn't mean for anyone else to see it. But at the same time there's a strange part of Viktor that wants to show Yuuri off, show his friend how <em>fucking amazing</em> this boy looks when he's just bored at home and with nowhere to go.</p><p class="western">(Someone should have taken that boy out somewhere nice. Or treated him to a nice, private night in. It's a shame Viktor couldn't have been there to have done so.)</p><p class="western">Viktor eventually settles with a simple, “He sent me a selfie of a costest he was doing. He was showing off some make-up he'd done.”</p><p class="western">It's the truth, but at the same time Viktor can keep the selfie for himself. Yuuri's obviously open about his crossplaying, but Viktor's not sure how open he is with costests or selfies. He's already pushed Yuuri's limits. The last thing he wants to do is more of that, even in private, even without the potential of Yuuri finding out.</p><p class="western">Christophe whistles. “Wow, a whole ass selfie, huh? That's definitely not like him. You must've really charmed him last weekend.”</p><p class="western">“If you saw how he was when I first got there, you wouldn't say that.”</p><p class="western">“But you said he warmed up to you. And now he's contacted you out of nowhere and sent you a photo of himself.” Leaning on a propped up hand, Christophe smirks up at Viktor like a cat amused that a mouse it caught is wriggling to get away from the press of its paw. “How long has it been since you've seriously dated anyone? Four years? Five?”</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a small, embarrassed noise. He confirms in an equally small voice, “Longer than that. I did mess around a little last year, but nothing serious.”</p><p class="western">“Certainly never with anyone you took home with you. I don't know how you can go so long without human touch. I think I'd die.”</p><p class="western">“... Guess I'm just made of stone.” Viktor shrugs. It has been a while, but there are reasons. It's not for a lack of trying, or lack of someone being interested in him. One look at his Twitter DMs will reveal all too quickly just how interested others are in him, though almost always for the wrong reasons.</p><p class="western">The reasons aren't worth losing sleep over, though. He just... hasn't wanted to be with anyone. That's all.</p><p class="western">“I know it's weird – ”</p><p class="western">“It's not weird,” Christophe interrupts. “If you don't feel anything, don't force it. If you're satisfied with just yourself, that's just as good too.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's not, though. Satisfied, that is. But Viktor nods along anyway.</p><p class="western">“It's been a while since anyone's interested me.”</p><p class="western">Christophe's smirk grows. “But Yuuri interests you now.”</p><p class="western">Just hearing Yuuri's name brings a smile back to Viktor's lips. “Yeah. He's just so <em>adorable</em>. And so very interesting. Every time I find something out, it's not enough. I want to know even more about him. I feel like I've barely scraped the surface of who Yuuri is.”</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts. “He's just adorable, huh?”</p><p class="western">The comment shouldn't catch Viktor off guard, but it does. “Well, I mean... <em>yes</em>, he's sexy as hell. What do you want me to say? Chris, how many guys do you know that can pass for a woman whenever they want to? Who <em>wouldn't</em> want to fall to their knees for him?”</p><p class="western">“Is that all you need to get your motor going? Because there's an active drag scene nearby. I could take you to some shows.”</p><p class="western">But Viktor shakes his head. “It's not that. If it was just about the looks, I'd follow his work but I wouldn't...” He inhales. “I don't know how to put it into words. But I just feel something. When we talk, it just feels like we click. Chris, if you asked me two weeks ago what my type was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. But if you asked me now, I'd just point at him because he's exactly it. I can't remember feeling this attracted to <em>anyone</em> before. Not even...” He stops himself there.</p><p class="western">For a long moment Christophe just gazes at him. Viktor stares back, uncertain what it is his friend is searching for in his face. Eventually Christophe tilts his head and lets out a soft sound. “That's a helluva crush you've got there. How interesting.”</p><p class="western">Viktor pokes at his cold eggs with the prongs of his fork. “I'm doomed, aren't I?”</p><p class="western">“Most definitely.”</p><p class="western">“Look at me,” Viktor says at the end of a sigh. He finally spears some egg onto his fork and takes a bite. “One night of chatting with a cute boy, and I'm fucking gone.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor. You're gay,” Christophe deadpans. “Of course you've been swept off your feet after a night of positive attention. I bet Yuuri hardly said anything other than 'I like dogs,' and <em>whoosh!</em> There you went.”</p><p class="western">“We talked about more than dogs!” Viktor protests with a helpless laugh.</p><p class="western">“Ah, but you <em>did</em> talk about dogs.” Christophe's eyes glitter with mischief. “So, when's the wedding?”</p><p class="western">Viktor drops his fork onto his plate with a loud clack and levels his friend a long stare.</p><p class="western">“Never too soon to discuss tuxedos. Or honeymoons, for that matter,” is Christophe's defense. He takes a sultry bite of his parfait and makes a show of slowly chewing the assortment of berries and granola he'd topped it with.</p><p class="western">Viktor just shakes his head. But he's smiling despite himself.</p><p class="western">“Hey.”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks back at his friend. He's smiling as well, small but warm.</p><p class="western">“I'm happy you're putting yourself out there again.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno about that...” Viktor says. “Does chatting with someone new on Twitter all night count?”</p><p class="western">“It does,” Christophe says. “I can't remember the last time you made a new friend, or talked to someone outside of business emails or convention signings. Even if this doesn't turn out the way you want...”</p><p class="western">For a brief second Viktor's heart lurches in his chest, but he pointedly ignores it, needing to hear his friend out in spite of himself.</p><p class="western">“... I still think this is a good thing. God knows you need to socialize more. So even if we don't hear wedding bells, a new friend is still a great thing to have. But I'm rooting for you. <em>Especially</em> because it's Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">The comment has Viktor pausing, considering everything his friend has told him about Yuuri up till this point. He doesn't want to consider it, not when he's still glowing with possibility, but the rational part of himself has to ask. He's too old to pretend there are no bumps in the road of love and happiness.</p><p class="western">“Do you think... maybe I'm reading too much into this? That maybe Yuuri really is just being sociable?”</p><p class="western">“Hmm.” Christophe scratches the fine hair along his chin in thought. “Hard to say. In all the time I've known Yuuri I've never seen him flirt with a single soul, but I <em>also</em> sure as hell have never heard of him sliding into anyone's DMs before either. Just because I've witnessed him stonewall way too many people to count at conventions doesn't mean he's incapable of being interested in anyone. He's definitely not straight, if that's what you're worried about.”</p><p class="western">Viktor lets out a small gasp. “I didn't even think to ask, to be honest.”</p><p class="western">“Too used to being around other queer people, huh?” Christophe laughs. “Although I guess in this case 'queer people' just means you and I, since you never invite anyone over.”</p><p class="western">“I know, I know... not going to include Masumi in that list? He's over often enough.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, you're right. Okay, our personal little queer community is now a trio.”</p><p class="western">“And Makka too,” Viktor insists.</p><p class="western">“Yes, yes. Our perfect ally.”</p><p class="western">It's silly, but they share a laugh over it all the same. It's better than thinking about how small Viktor's world has become. It's ironic, isn't it? His work reaches so many people, far more than he ever dreamed of as a teenager, and yet he can count on one hand the number of people (and dogs!) he actually has in his life. How pathetic is that?</p><p class="western">But then, that just makes Christophe right, doesn't it? Even if... even if things don't turn out the way he hopes with Yuuri, then surely another friend is still a good thing.</p><p class="western">But he hopes. Viktor hopes with all of his heart for even just a small, tiny piece of happiness.</p><p class="western">Like a beacon in the dark, Viktor's notification sound bit goes off, a sound clip of the victory theme from an older Final Fantasy game ringing optimistically. Viktor's mood instantly goes from good to great in the blink of an eye.</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts. “Is that him now?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe,” Viktor replies, but honestly, who else would it be? He picks up his phone and unlocks it. Sure enough, there's Yuuri's Twitter name on his list of notifications.</p><p class="western">Viktor immediately clicks on it.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>omfg I'm so sorry! I fell asleep mid-reply!! No I haven't played ff 15 yet, but it's on the back-burner. I'm still a little salty about 13 tbh, I wanted to like it so much but it just felt so disjointed. Fang is still one of the best ff ladies around though, she single-handedly saved the first game in that trilogy for me</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If I don't reply much it's because I'm at work! I'm rushing there rn, I kinda slept in late</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor quickly gets to replying. Off to the side, Christophe chuckles and shakes his head.</p><p class="western">“I gotta get to work. I'll leave you to your long distance flirting. Tell Yuuri 'hi' for me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums, too busy to tear his eyes away from his screen. He hears Christophe leaving, but he immediately forgets his friend had even been there to begin with as he loses himself once again in conversation.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's okay! I figured as much lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Believe me, I totally understand. I had some reservations about 15 too because of 13 but it really grew on me. But then again 13 grew on me too, I just have to ignore the sequels and I'm all good.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh no, that wasn't because of me was it? I'm sorry! I kept you up late! D :</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Also Christophe says hi!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>omg no it's not your fault! I just do that sometimes, my sleep schedule is kinda stupid. I work mornings and days but my body just wants to be up all night anyway.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll have to give it a try soon then! But after loz, I'm way too busy playing breath of the wild lately for anything else</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Christophe???? as in Intoxicated Photography Christophe??????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Awww, you must be so sleepy in the mornings. I can't stay up too late, I usually conk out pretty early whether I like it or not. I'm such an old man ; ^ ;</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're playing botw too?! What do you think of it so far?? I've beaten the story but I'm running around trying to 100% it at the moment. There's so much stuff!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes, the very same! He's my roommate lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There's a ten minute interval between responses. Viktor finishes off his breakfast in the mean time and whistles for Makkachin to follow him to the backyard. Best to let her have some sunshine and fresh air before he sits down to check his business emails. She had her early morning walk, but a little extra time outside couldn't hurt.</p><p class="western">Viktor's out back, watching Makkachin sniff the lone tree they have standing proudly in their fenced off backyard when his phone chimes the victory fanfare again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're barely 30! Though I guess with your hair colour people could mistake you for a silver fox type. You'd just need to grow some whiskers out and get a bit more rugged looking</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I am! I got it a few weeks ago. I just got into Gerudo town before I had to stop. I wanna cosplay Gerudo!Link so badly I can't even. I'm convinced the only reason why nintendo hasn't made link crossdress earlier is because they knew it'd be too powerful</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're WHAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. He really can't help himself.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuriiiiiiiii! Are you saying I'm a charming, charismatic older man~? ; )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I looooove Gerudo Town! I'm so glad they brought the Gerudo back. I was really surprised at first that Link crossdresses at all but it makes so much sense in context. Gotta admit, he looks real good as a vai too!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The response comes much quicker. Viktor's barely herding Makkachin back inside when he hears his phone chime again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I RETRACT MY LAST STATEMENT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That's the only line of text, but it makes Viktor snort to himself regardless. He can picture it now: Yuuri frantically rushing a response back before anything else could be read into his earlier reply, fingers tripping over themselves in his haste.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't regret the shameless teasing – especially at the mental image of Yuuri blushing at it – but it is admittedly a little heavy for 8 in the morning. So he'll back off for now.</p><p class="western">He simply types back:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>; D</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think you'd make a great Gerudo!Link! It's feminine enough for your personal comfort, but you still get to dress up as a character you like. The outfit is such a lovely colour of blue too, and then there's all of that gold as well~ It'd look lovely on you.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">(Wait. That's still flirting, isn't it? Well, shit.</p><p class="western">Too late to take it back, though. Viktor already hit send.)</p><p class="western">He waits, on and off glancing at his phone as he finally settles down in front of his computer to get the more monotonous part of his job accomplished for the morning, but for a while there's nothing. Yuuri had mentioned rushing to work, so Viktor reasons that Yuuri is just busy, not... well, not bothered by the shameless flirting.</p><p class="western">Or that's what he keeps telling himself, but then one hour turns into two, into three, almost four, and Viktor begins to doubt himself. He does his best to distract himself with some photo editing – most of his Sidon photos are done and already published online, although there's a handful he's taking a little extra time on – yet it's hard to focus for long when his mind insists on lingering elsewhere.</p><p class="western">It's when he's considering sending Yuuri an apology for his blatant flirting that his phone finally sings again. Viktor most certainly does <em>not</em> dive halfway across his desk to snatch his phone and check the reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sorry I disappeared! Work happened. But I got an hour til my next class to finally eat some breakfast and rest</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You think? I was kinda thinking the same. I don't mind cosplaying guys, but it's not as much fun most of the time. I have to be really into the character. But most of the time my favourites ARE the ladies so???? The venn diagram of the ladies I stan and my favourite characters of all time is basically almost giant circle</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But yeah, Link crossdressing in this game is the perfect middle ground for me for dressing up as him. Also can I just say thank fuck they didn't make a giant joke of it? I was expecting Link to make some faces and show a lot of resistance but he's just so down to dress up in whatever, and he even strikes a cute pose? Like he enjoys being cute and attractive?? I don't know about you but I about lost my shit</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Something in Viktor tenses. Most of the reply is fine of course, but the last section... How much does Viktor want to say back? Does he confess that he'd gotten a little choked up at how much of a non-issue Link crossdressing is treated in-game? That he had to pause and just let the fact that Link is canonically completely fine with being perceived as a woman – even with being flirted with <em>as</em> a woman by NPCs – sink slowly into his bones? He can count on one hand the examples of characters like Link where crossdressing isn't played for laughs, or cringe, or something ugly and humiliating, so to see it just exist as is and without harsh commentary is just...</p><p class="western">No, no, okay, that's definitely... Nope. He's glad Yuuri is into Link crossdressing too, but they don't need to go any deeper into that.</p><p class="western">Viktor sucks in his next breath and begins to type.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's okay! I'm technically working right now, too. If you don't mind me asking, what do you do? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal! I'm just curious is all~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Exactly! It suits you so well. And you'd get to use such breathable material. Think of how comfortable it will be at spring and summer cons! That alone is worth the price of admission.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I totally agree, it's a very nice change of pace. : )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There. That's a perfectly acceptable response, yes? He does agree with Yuuri, but there's nothing extra to promote further discussion. He hits send, and then promptly turns back to the remainder of his photo edits.</p><p class="western">He pauses only when his phone goes off again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nah it's fine. I'm an assistant dance instructor. I work for a friend of the family who does this for a living. She used to dance in competitions all over the world, and she's always showing off her trophies and photos and wink-nudging me and saying “that could be you” but hhhhhhhh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Very true! I need a breathable costume for once. I'm always sweating to death in heavy fabrics</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The reply is pretty to the point, but that doesn't stop Viktor's mind from grabbing the minimal details and running with it. What sort of dancing does Yuuri help teach? What does he look like? Viktor pictures Yuuri in a matching black tank top and tights, both of them practically a second skin, clinging to every inch of his toned curves. How lucky the students must be to be able to watch Yuuri move and breathe art in the same room as them, a living example of what they could also be if they put the work and time in. And then there's the reflection of Yuuri in the large, wall-length mirror a dance studio has. Like there's <em>two</em> Yuuri's moving in sync in the same room.</p><p class="western">... Fuck.</p><p class="western">Viktor's throat is suddenly very, <em>very</em> dry. He regrets not grabbing himself a drink earlier before sitting down. He needs water. Badly.</p><p class="western">Before Viktor can gather himself and respond to Yuuri in a timely manner, another message comes through.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Speaking of botw! Holy SHIT, your Sidon photos! I just saw them! The first batch of photos you put up a few weeks ago were so good but the second set you put up last night are somehow even better??? The sun setting in the background really just adds something, especially to the water. You look so princely and mysterious!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><em>Oh.</em> Yuuri thinks he looks <em>princely</em>. It's quite the compliment. Praise is always nice, but it feels so much more heartfelt and satisfying coming from Yuuri than it does a stranger, the difference between a touch on the shoulder to a full-fledged, tight hug. Viktor partially suspects it's because Yuuri doesn't strike him as the type to give empty or self-motivated worship. He's just being honest. And he honestly thinks Viktor is <em>handsome</em>.</p><p class="western">It makes shivering in a cold lake in early spring so much more worth it.</p><p class="western">Filled with warmth and joy too vast to contain, Viktor can only pass some of it along back to the sweet boy who makes his heart beat just a little faster with each message.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Waow! So you dance all day and help other people learn? No wonder you do it so well in your videos, your body moves like it makes music all on its own~ I was completely enthralled with the videos of you dancing on your Patreon</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thank you! : D Christophe helped me get those photos. The water was sooooo cold, but I'd just finished the whole thing and was so excited to wear it. I didn't want to wait! I want to wear him again asap but I need to finish editing the rest of the photos we took before I can justify going to take more lol. I still have to edit the video footage I took of me making the costume too so I can post the tutorials sometime this month before the botw hype is over</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor hits send, and then leans back in his computer chair and lets himself just bask in the moment. He feels so good, which he is sad to say is a feeling he is unused to. Did talking to people always leave him feeling this satisfied? It's always nice to chat with people, but something about it is so different with Yuuri. He's not even sure he can pinpoint the specifics. Do the specifics even matter?</p><p class="western">All Viktor really cares about is that talking with Yuuri is not only fun but also effortless.</p><p class="western">... Okay, focus, focus. He's <em>supposed</em> to be working. Viktor sets his phone aside and forces himself to turn back to his main computer monitor. His photos aren't going to finish themselves.</p><p class="western">He gets a few more minutes of concentrated editing done before his phone goes off again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aaaahaaaaa you saw those, huh? It rakes in the money I guess. People love watching me shake my dumb butt all over the stage for some reason. Might as well post it online, right? It pays bills and for like half of our costumes so it'd be stupid not to</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There's more photos?? I wanna see theeeem. I can't wait to see the behind the scenes for your Sidon!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“What?” Viktor deadpans out loud. There's no way. There's absolutely no way this boy has zero clue of the effect he has on people. His fingers barely keep up with how fast his brain is already replying.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>asdfghjkjhgfdfghj </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>For “some reason,” Yuuri?? I nearly died watching your Nia Teppelin dance routine! You seduced the entire audience in less than 4 minutes!! Did you hear the applause at the end????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>weeeellllllllllllll</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, nerds ARE horny, as my roommate loves to remind me. That's all it is. They'd react the same no matter who was doing it</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor rereads the message several times, honestly unable to believe that Yuuri was able to type out those words and <em>mean</em> them. Is it possible people don't congratulate Yuuri often enough on his hard work? Viktor's seen more than enough evidence on their Youtube and Patreon videos to indicate that's not so, and yet Yuuri keeps talking about himself like he's an amateur who is just getting his feet wet, not like he's a seasoned cosplayer with tons to boast about.</p><p class="western">Honestly, it's a crime against humanity that Yuuri can't see himself the way Viktor – and hundreds of others, of course – do. So Viktor will remedy that oversight right now.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's more than “horniness,” Yuuri. I won't deny that is a factor, because you're right, nerds are a horny lot, but you have real talent and skill. You're skilled enough to be teaching others, and you share it with the community when you get out there and light the stage on fire. That's amazing, Yuuri!!! You've earned every bit of success you've achieved!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor stares stubbornly at his screen, waiting.</p><p class="western">Eventually Yuuri begins his reply. The three dots at the corner appear and disappear in the bottom corner several times over the course of a few minutes. Viktor suspects that Yuuri's deleting and rewriting his response, but that's all right. He's seen first hand how hard it is for Yuuri to accept admiration. He's willing to sit through the tension for however long it takes for Yuuri to wrap his head around Viktor's words.</p><p class="western">And then when his reply finally does come through, Viktor breathes a sigh of relief, because it's infinitely more accepting than the first time Yuuri encountered Viktor's unashamed adoration.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>aaahhh I mean thank you? I'm sorry I'm no good at this. But thank you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have to get back to work now, my break is about over. It was really nice talking to you. I'm sorry if I talked too much or distracted you or something</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Oh, no. It's the second time he's had to wonder this, but how honest does Viktor want to be this time? The way Yuuri worded it, it almost sounds like the conversation is about to end for much longer than most of the day.</p><p class="western">But Viktor doesn't want this to end. Not yet.</p><p class="western">So he might as well just say it.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're most welcome : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nonsense! You're not a bother in the slightest. I really enjoy talking to you, you're a lot of fun to chat with. If you wanna keep chatting later I'll still be around all day! All I'm doing is fiddling around with photoshop and signing prints later to mail off tomorrow, so it's not like I'll be that busy</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">(That last sentence is kind of a lie. Viktor <em>will</em> be very busy. But he'll always make time for Yuuri.)</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay! I'll message you later then? Maybe I'll have funny student stories for you. Our students are always saying and doing weird things</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ttyl!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That's the last message he'll get for a while, but Viktor feels anything but disappointed. He sends back a simple heart emoji and then finally puts his phone down with the intent of actually ignoring it for the remainder of the early afternoon.</p><p class="western">Part of him misses Yuuri already, but it's okay. Now, for the first time in forever, he has something other than work to look forward to. A boy like Yuuri is always worth waiting for.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. something new and exciting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for some discussion of past sexual harassment (specifically towards teenagers in this instance), and general cosplay community grossness. Also maybe some implied transphobia/cissexism with an interview gone wrong? I'm sorry to say any of this exists, but unfortunately that's this shit hole of a planet for ya. We're working on it</p><p>This chapter is a liiiiittle different style-wise from the rest. I wanted to focus mainly on Yuuri's and Viktor's conversations and not what's going on in reality, since the latter isn't important at all atm. Just straight up chatting was a big part of the original twitter thread and it's where most of the bonding is at this point in time so I figured why not a chapter of fun (and maybe less fun) convos Yuuri and Viktor have over the next little while! This isn't every conversation they have over a period of how many weeks, these are (what I think are) funny or important ones. I probably won't do another chapter like this because reality/descriptions and such will be needed for certain convos – I wanna explore what's going on in their heads as it happens! - but I think for this chapter I can get away with it? I'm trying to insinuate what they're thinking/feeling with just text, which is fun! But also a challenge.</p><p>If this doesn't work the way I want it to then lmao we'll all have to suffer from my terrible hubris</p><p>We'll be back to your regularly written chapters in the next one!</p><p>The Rainbow Road song Viktor references in this chapter is this old classic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuX5_OWObA0</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">It's several hours before Yuuri's able to get back to Viktor. The work day is long and busy, and Yuuri is utterly wiped out by the time he arrives home. He's a good dog owner so he of course takes Vicchan out for a quick walk around the block before he finally allows himself to flop on his bed and let out a long, tired sigh.</p><p class="western">Once he's sufficiently cozy, a light blanket thrown over him while the air conditioning hums at a low level that keeps his room the perfect temperature for his liking, Yuuri at last allows himself to pull out his phone and return to the one place he's thought about all day long.</p><p class="western">Just the sight of his Twitter DM screen with Viktor is enough to make Yuuri feel almost dizzy with happiness.</p><p class="western">The rest of the world may as well not even exist when they talk.</p><p class="western">But Yuuri is very, very okay with that.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey Viktor!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey! How'd your shift go? : D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Good! Just got home not long ago. How'd all those print signings go?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aaahhh my poor wrist, it hurts so muuuuuuch. The famous life is such a hard one to live</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>.... uh</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Kidding! I'm not that famous lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you sure about that, Mr. I've Been On TV Several Times?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmmm I should've guessed you saw those. Tell me honestly, they weren't as cringey to watch as they felt to do them, were they?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't think there's a single thing you could ever do that I would write off as “cringe,” but no, you were fine</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The interviewers on the other hand...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lmao, real rude, right?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>They're fine most of the time, but holy shit, that last interview you did? The one you did at Chihoko Con? When the guy brought up your crossplaying he got so weird about it. Like not creepy necessarily but there was definitely some "lets point and laugh" vibes going on, except he totally expected you to laugh with him</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm not saying the whole interview was a total crapshoot, just that his fragile male ego really couldn't handle the thought of you ever wearing a dress or make-up </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's like he wanted you to publicly agree that it was ridiculous or something</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ah, yeah. Not my favourite interview, I'll admit. But at least it wasn't a talk show interview, less people will see that one. Who cares about some random youtube interview right?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And I hate to say it but you do get used to do it. People being like that, I mean</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It is what it is</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>His ego was pretty fragile though ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Why should anyone get used to something like that???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western"><em>¯\_(</em> <em>ツ</em> <em>)_/¯ </em></p><p class="western">
  <em>You got me there!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't think anyone else should put up with it, but I'm sort of a “face of cosplay” public figure. I have to keep professional no matter what they throw at me. You should of heard some of the stuff that has been said to me backstage of certain talk shows, but then again maybe not, it's not great</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sorry</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I kinda take it personally too, I guess</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wouldn't want anyone talking to me like that either. I hate it when people get gross about such a non-issue</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No one should talk to you like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Also I will fight every one of those talk shows! I'll send GIANT MURDER BEES!!!)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>People don't talk to you like that, do they? I haven't crossplayed in a long time, but surely people in the community have gotten better about it? I don't expect anything from non-cosplayers, they're not great with cosplay in general. But I see a lot of younger people crossplaying just fine online, lots of ladies in particular. Or maybe I just have my hopes up</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Awww Yuuri, it's fine, you don't have to do that~ I can take care of myself)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ah ha ha.... haaaaaaa</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Let's just say I've had far too many straight boys hit on me and then get The Look when I open my mouth</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Or girls who wanted to date me because they think I'd “let them dress me up.” I dunno where they got the idea I'd let them do whatever they want to me but apparently that's a thing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Although one time I swear I had a guy come up to me and say, “I know what you actually are, you're not fooling anyone,” and I????? I actually froze that time, he was so big, he loomed over me. Thankfully Phichit was there, that one actually made me pretty nervous. We reported him to con staff but I don't think anything came out of it, which, y'know, BIG SURPRISE I guess</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western"><em>Waow, nothing has changed in a literal decade!!!! </em> <em>(</em> <em>ﾉ◕ヮ◕</em> <em>)</em> <em>ﾉ</em> <em>*:</em> <em>･ﾟ✧</em></p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm so sorry people have been garbage to you, what the hell. Especially with that last guy in particular! What he said almost sounds like a threat. Who the hell threatens someone over what they're wearing?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THANKS, I HATE IT</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>JACKASSES, THAT'S WHO</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I hated it too! Omg back in my day...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(I hate that I seriously said that)</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But... Do you mind dumb stories? Because I have dumb stories</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Go right ahead! I have dumb stories too</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, so...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Back in my day, people either ignored me completely, outwardly made faces at me or called me terrible things that I'm not going to repeat. OR, and I swear this happened several different times, they'd try to invite me back to their hotel room. And this was when I was like 15-17! I was YOUNG! I always found a way to get away from them without making a scene but wow did it ever make my skin crawl</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>oh GROSS</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>MY SKIN IS CRAWLING NOW TOO</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh no, I literally just remembered something else</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't believe I almost forgot about this</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>One time I was wearing the first version of my Misa Amane cosplay at a local con. I was by myself in the dealers room looking at some art books, and some guy just walks behind me and FLIPS UP MY DRESS, high enough that it totally showed off the lacy underwear I was wearing to match the costume (yes I went that hard, you can judge). I was already pretty self-conscious about how short the dress was because I'd messed up making it, but I didn't have the time to fix it before the con, and I really wanted to wear her with the Death Note group my friends and I were doing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm not sure if anyone saw. It was really crowded, no one said anything to me or looked like they saw or even cared, but I still ended up... standing in a corner for a long time, too embarrassed to go anywhere or tell anyone. Thinking about it still makes me feel a certain type of way</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't cry very easily but wow did I almost start crying then</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Especially because I didn't get a good look at the guy, so being there in a giant crowd of strangers made me feel like it could have been anyone. I didn't feel safe at all</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Eventually my friends found me and they took me back to the hotel room and helped me calm down. I'm glad I actually had friends at that time, I dunno what would have happened if I'd been there all by myself</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Anyway.....</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, there was no real middle ground for me, either. I'm actually surprised I kept it up for as long as I did to be honest, I didn't have much encouragement from people</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WHAT?!?!?!?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm so sorry that happened. That wasn't right at all. Fuck that guy with a cactus</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm glad you had people with you to help you out, I can't imagine being there completely alone after being sexually harassed like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor... what do you mean “actually had friends”???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I literally meant just that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I didn't really have friends as a kid lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What?????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I know it's hard to imagine, but not everyone liked me as a kid. I was weird and annoying. My family moved around a lot too, so I lost touch with the few friends I did end up making</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>???????????????????????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I did end up reconnecting with one friend though, through Facebook. Okay, I found others on there too, but Chris was the only one I still had things in common with</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And then we became roommates when I moved here! (/^▽^)/</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But you have friends now, right?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry, that's a really weird question, of course you do</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Of course! I'm fine now~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Why would someone like me struggle with something like that?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUUUUUUUUUURIIIIIIIIII</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YEAH?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hi : 3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>sldlkfhkds;</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hi, Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What are you up to on this fine friday night? Getting ready to go out clubbing? Partying it up with the boys?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em> <b>katsudone with life:</b> </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm telling my dog to stop trying to eat my headphone wires so I can play my video games in peace</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's been a long day and I just wanna veg oooooooout</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh! Sorry, should I leave you alone? Should I go? I'll go</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>nO GET BACK HERE</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm stuck on this level anyway...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What are you playing?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>botw</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm trying to sneak into the Yiga Clan hideout but I'm a dumbass who keeps getting caught</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg I hated that part</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, I loved it, but I hated it too. I'm so bad at stealth missions</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Let me help! I have tips!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>;o;</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Please for the love of god, I need all the help I can get</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm bad at stealth missions too, I get way too impatient, I'd rather force my way in like a REGULAR gamer</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: D</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, so this is what I did.........</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>MAKKACHIN TOOK A MEGA POOP OUTSIDE AND SOME OF IT IS STUCK TO HER FUR NOW!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THIS IS A T R A V E S T Y</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ohhh noooo, she's a stinky butt now!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>MAKKACHIN IS A CLEAN GODDESS WHO NEVER STINKS OR DEFECATES HERSELF EVER. THIS IS CLEARLY THE DEVILS WORK</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Stinky poopy buuuutt</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI NO</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri! Look what I found today!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>?????</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wait these look familiar</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THESE ARE FROM YOUR MISA COSPLAY</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was digging through my closet looking for something else and I came across these old pieces. I'm surprised they haven't fallen apart. I thought I threw these out long ago but I must have missed them</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow, I was so much smaller back then</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This would BARELY fit me now!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I remember seeing pics of this when you debuted it!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The black lace and heavy make-up really suited you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I tried doing my make-up like that once waaaaay back when because of how good it looked on you and I botched it completely lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The secret is that I wore my make-up like that aaaaall the time back then ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>you WHAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah! I was a total emo kid lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have a lot of photographic evidence of it looking bad though, I could only get the heavy make-up to look good maybe half of the time? I had to rush it most mornings before school so it looked like garbage sometimes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wanna see? :3c</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YES PLS</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>One sec, gotta go back to the deepest pits of Facebook to find them............</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay! Here you go~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You weren't kidding, those are some real raccoon eyes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WAIT I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lmao it's fine! It's 100% what it looks like</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wait, here's one pic where it looks good</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oooohhhhh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah I was right, the heavy/smoky make-up looks good on you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It used to, yeah</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I bet it still does</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmmm who knows...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay today was absolute shit! Time for CCS and junk food! No I do not accept criticisms at this time!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ooooh rewatch partyyyyy</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was just watching it the other night! I'm almost done : D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We just finished The Judgment episode, or I guess it's the first one since there's kind of two judgment plot twists lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Phichit had a field day as soon as Yue got here</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>He's telling me to tell you “Big Bitch Boy is here now”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Also he says hi</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I loved that episode as a kid!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well I still like it now, but holy shit, the drama of it! I was on the edge of my seat!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Which is funny because I don't think I really got the full effect of “if you fail, everyone you love will forget about you” as a kid. Like it sounds bad, but as an adult it hits so much harder. I'm not sure there's anything worse than being completely forgotten about by the people you love most</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Hi Phichit!)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well shit I'm full of emotions now</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sorry! I was just thinking out loud</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thinking in text?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thinking out loud in text???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Holy shit you're such a dork sometimes</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This is a good thing I hope</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor, there isn't a single bad thing about you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But okay since you brought it up</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How much did this show mess you up as a kid? Because it kind of messed me up a little, but not in the regular CLAMP way</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Like you think this show is cutesy and fun but then you get randomly really dark stuff like the judgment, some of the cards attacking a bunch of kids or making them disappear or something else dangerous. And that's not getting into any of the shit with Clow Reed, OR the movies!!! Don't get me started on the movies</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol that stuff didn't really bother me even as a kid</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If anything it made me like the show even more</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There were some real stakes! The show spends so much time building up all of these relationships, only to basically threaten to take them all away if Sakura can't succeed! I'd never seen anything like that before so it felt so new and intriguing</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Exactly. And it only gets worse when you remember Sakura is in ELEMENTARY school</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Right??????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>... Hey, Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>??? : )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I remember a few weeks ago you said CCS felt like home to you, or it did when you were a kid</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Every time I watch it now or work on my Ruby Moon cosplay, I think about that</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I did say that, yes</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Was it something you used to get through the day? Because lowkey it was kind of one of those things for me too</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm not saying I had a bad life or anything. I had a really good childhood. But I still struggled anyway. I was afraid all the time, and this was one of those things that helped me forget how scary everything was</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, Yuuri : ( I'm sorry you felt like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It absolutely was like that for me, too. It was comforting</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Because as bad as things get for Sakura, everything still works out in the end. It's like she says, “Everything will be alright”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And I think... that was something I really needed to hear when I was younger</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I guess I still need to hear that now though, since it's still one of my go-to shows when I need to unwind and forget about life for a little while</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow, look at us getting feels for an old magical girl show meant for kids, huh?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This will probably sound stupid but... I'm glad you have something like that around for when you need it</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not stupid sounding at all. I appreciate it a lot~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I know stories like that typically have to end on a positive note, but CCS was one of the first shows for me where it felt like the main character had to really fight and give it her all for her happy ending</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Although it certainly wasn't the only one. LOOKING AT YOU, SAILOR MOON)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>omg do NOT get me started with Sailor Moon</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That girl put up with SO MUCH trauma at what? 14???? She didn't ask for dark kingdom bullshit or future nonsense or evil queens or her boyfriend CONSTANTLY getting stolen or mind controlled???? She just wanted to eat cake with her friends and have fun!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And people who never watched the whole thing STILL call her a “useless crybaby” when that's the whole point of her character arc, that she matures and fights through her tears?!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>SORRY, I'VE BEEN IN WAAAAAY TOO MANY FIGHTS OVER THIS</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WAIT, YOU LIKE SAILOR MOON??????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>DID I EVER GIVE OFF THE IMPRESSION I DIDN'T???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>FAVOURITE SENSHI, ATTACK, STORY ARC, AND SHIP, RIGHT NOW!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ASHJKDFGHJK </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I NEED TIME</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>OH NO MY FINGERS AREN'T TYPING RIGHT THIS IS A NIGHTMARE I HATE BEING PUT ON THE SPOT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUUUUUURRIIIIIIII</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have a song stuck in my head, HELP</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's not even a good song! It's fucking NICKELBACK</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Don't worry, I got this!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Click on this not at all suspicious link and you'll be freed from your eternal torment</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>wha</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>NO, YUURI, WHAT THE HELL</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>DID YOU SERIOUSLY RICKROLL ME?????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, I SAVED you. You're welcome!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THIS CONVERSATION IS OFFICIALLY OVER </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YOU'LL BE BACK</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THEY ALL COME BACK</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I HATE HOW RIGHT YOU ARE</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(muffled 'never gonna give you up' plays eternally in the distance)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(jams to it completely against my will)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">”””<em>against my will,””” my ass</em></p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>your ass, huh</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>SHUSH</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey! Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I was busy at Leo's today. Everyone was having a shit week so we all went over and ate pizza and played some Mario Kart</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I thought it'd be kinda rude if I was on my phone the whole time</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's fine! I got your message earlier saying you'd be away from your phone for a bit. You have a life, and it comes first! I'm happy to hear from you whenever you're free : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I hope you guys all feel better now. Mario Kart is a helluva way to unwind given all those blue shells though lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's like Guang-Hong says, “Every blue shell is a brand new betrayal”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>He kicked all of our asses, btw. He spends way too much time training. We play a lot of Mario Kart at cons so he always wants to be ready for it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I dunno if you saw but there's an old video on our Youtube of us playing on New Years one time a few years ago. We're drunk af and honestly all I actually remember of that night is screaming about how much I hate Rainbow Road</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, I saw</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You were so cute in that video! Your bright pink cheeks and your adorably frustrated face~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Drunk you also have zero filter and I kinda live for it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(it's rainbow road it's where you go when you die it's rainbow rooooooooooaaaaaaaaaad)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>hhhhhhhhhhhhh drunk me is an EMBARRASSMENT</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's why I normally only drink like that at cons or on special occasions, otherwise there'd be so much blackmail material</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(HUSH, PHICHIT AND LEO ARE ALWAYS SINGING THAT DAMN SONG)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't drink at cons at all, I'm always too busy and/or tired to do anything but work</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't like drinking alone either, it makes me feel shitty</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wait, do you go to cons alone???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well Chris usually comes with me, he does some work at cons and he helps out with my tabling</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But other than that he's usually out at night hanging out with people and I'm up in my hotel room relaxing/prepping for the next day</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ooohhh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>None of the other friends you have are into cosplay/cons are they?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Right! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Definitely not</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That sucks</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I like being by myself sometimes at cons but night time is kind of lonely</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Especially if your hotel room is next to a party room and you can hear them making noise all fucking night long</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Luckily you've got quite the crew with you ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol yeah I have no idea how that happened</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I somehow made one really good friend and then suddenly I knew a bunch of people through him? I'm not very close to most of them tho, like I wouldn't call us best friends necessarily, but they're cool to be around, even if I don't know what to do or say half the time</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>not that close to many people, either</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not even with your non-cosplay friends?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>... Okay I'm gonna level with you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Those people are acquaintances at best</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That I know from when I went to university</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I haven't seen any of them in person in a really long time</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The only human beings I see on a regular basis are Chris, his boyfriend, and the people who work at the grocery store</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I guess I kind of know the kids on the street I live on, they're always sneaking around trying to see what I'm working on and I let them look sometimes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But that's it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The person I've talked to most in the longest time iiiiiiiiiiis you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Um feel free to be mad that I kinda sorta maybe lied to you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The person you've talked to the most is me????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's super pathetic, I know</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, it's</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's not pathetic</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know what to say right now</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nothing to be sorry for, it's sort of a personal choice</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm fine like this</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think so</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But I also don't really want to think about it, so maybe not</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I kind of have a confession too</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're probably the person I've talked to most lately too?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean other than Phichit, but even then</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Shit, what level of fanboy am I now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sometimes I think “you gotta stop monopolizing Viktor's time like this, he's BUSY”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But then I see something dumb or funny online I need to send you, or Vicchan does something cute that I need to share because I know you'll get it, and........</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>:')</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I love it when you send me pictures of Vicchan~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And you're not taking up all of my time. None of the time we've spent talking was something you 'took,' it was always freely given</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't believe I'm asking this but I have to</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are we friends??? Is this friendship???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Do you want to be friends?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Only if you want to be!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Then we're friends~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Although I guess I already thought of you as such for a while now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this, I'm out of practice</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's okay, I'm not very good at this either</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>holy shit, I'm friends with Viktor Nikiforov</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Holy shit, I'm friends with Yuuri!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ASDFGHJKHFDFGHJK</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ... that maybe blooms into something unexpected</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the wait for this chapter. If it helps at all, the next chapter is almost done as well. My bad habit of writing 30+ page chapters almost happened again but I forced myself to split this up lol.</p><p>This chapters cosplay notes:</p><p>(Liquid) Resin is a synthetic fluid that can be used to make lightweight and very durable gems/jewels, props, small costume pieces, etc. It's basically liquid plastic. There's all kinds of ways to play around with resin to get it to do some really cool looking stuff. It requires a lot of patience because it takes a while to properly cast/harden, and if you're not careful you could end up with something like air bubbles in it, or it could be half done and you try to pull it out of the mold and end up squishing it/leaving a huge thumb or finger print. If you've never seen resin projects before do google it, there's some really cool stuff out there.</p><p>(As a side note, PLEASE do your research and be VERY careful if you decide to get into resin art! It can be very dangerous because of the fumes. This is also not a thing you should be letting kids do unmonitored.)</p><p>“Con season” is basically spring to fall. There are conventions all year around of course, but the majority of them (at least in North America) tend to fall somewhere between March and November, with summer probably be the most popular time.</p><p>A CMV stands for “cosplay music video.” Broadly speaking they're music videos with footage of people in their costumes. Sometimes they're narratives, sometimes they're comedic, other times it's just to show off the cosplay. Relatedly, some photographers in the cosplay community also go around conventions and film shots of cosplayers that offer to be in their videos. These particular CMVs are often called “cosplay showcases,” for anyone who wants to try and youtube some. </p><p>Here are two examples that I really love right now:</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHSYlPoOr20 </p><p>(I love this one especially because TWO stunning Anthy Himemiya's back to back, and it ends with wedding!Wangxian????? AMAZING.)</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70SRZ5NicmA </p><p>This will come up soon enough, but Christophe is well known in the community for his photos and showcases. It's kind of a fight to get into one. Luckily our protagonists are friends with him so they kind of get in without much of a fuss. ; )</p><p>The Space Sword is a weapon used by Haruka Tenoh/Sailor Uranus in Sailor Moon. It's pretty bitchin', feel free to google this as well to see how cool it looks. There's several versions of it depending on which version you're watching/reading though so don't feel confused if you get several slightly different looking swords</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Holy shit,” Yuuri breathes out loud as he stares down at the most recent messages on his screen. “I'm <em>friends</em> with Viktor Nikiforov.”</p><p class="western">Phichit glances up at him from his tablet. A moment of silence passes between them before he opens his mouth and deadpans, “Uh, yeah? You guys have been talking for like over a month now. Why wouldn't you be friends?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri rakes a hand through his messy hair. “I dunno? I guess I assumed Viktor was just wasting time in between work or something. But I just asked him if we're friends and he says so.”</p><p class="western">Phichit makes an amused noise. “No one spends more than a month of chatting with someone because they're bored. He obviously likes you a lot.”</p><p class="western"><em>Obviously?</em>  Yuuri's mind carefully echoes.</p><p class="western">He suddenly wants to squirm beneath his sleepwear.</p><p class="western">It's not even just the fact that Viktor confirmed that they're friends that makes Yuuri want to hide. It's also the confession that Yuuri is the person Viktor talks to <em>the most. </em>Viktor could talk to anyone he wants, but he wants to spend his free time talking to Yuuri? That's an active thing he chooses to do?</p><p class="western">It makes sense that Yuuri talks to Viktor as much as he's allowed – why wouldn't he want to? But for Viktor to feel that way, too...</p><p class="western">The confession leaves Yuuri feeling odd in a way he's not used to at all.</p><p class="western">He knows what fear feels like and what panic does to him. He's used to feeling like the world is constantly on the verge of ending in some unprecedented way. The feeling of concentrated doom just runs through his veins. But this? This is a entirely <em>new</em> feeling, it's intense in an entirely new way, and he's not sure what to do with it. He wants to clip a leash to Vicchan's collar and go running with him at the local dog park down the street. In long, large laps to get all of the unexpected electricity currently shooting through him out. Maybe also shout at the top of his lungs at the same time? Yeah, that feels about right.</p><p class="western">He probably would do that, except it's getting late, and he doesn't want his neighbours to lurk in their windows and watch him act like a fool in public. Yuuri also strongly suspects that he could run all the way around the world and it still would not be enough to calm him down.</p><p class="western">So he just sits there, utterly still, pretending everything is fine, just fine, thank you.</p><p class="western">Phichit turns back to his tablet, scrolling through what looks like their Patreon page. Christophe had finally sent back the large set of photos their Inu Yasha group had taken together at Chihoko Con. (Their commissioned CMV isn't done yet, but the flirty photographer had promised that he's working hard on it.) Now they get to start the process of slowly posting their newest work online. Their faithful patrons get to see it first for two whole weeks, and then once the time limit is up the photos will drop onto their group Instagram and Twitter accounts.</p><p class="western">Yuuri hasn't looked at comments, but he quietly wonders if Viktor has seen the first photo yet. It's not his usual crossplay – it's honestly one of the rare times Yuuri dresses up as a male character – but would Viktor still be interested?</p><p class="western">“How is Viktor doing, by the way?” Phichit asks, a funny tone to his voice.</p><p class="western">“Good,” Yuuri answers, thankful for the small talk. Casual conversation distracts him just enough for him to ignore the strange energy coursing through him. “He's been busy with a lot of commissions lately. Mostly resin stuff and props.”</p><p class="western">“I'll bet. Con season is here. Gotta get those last minute pieces before the big weekend,” Phichit comments, still idly scrolling. “I saw some of the stuff he posted on Patreon today. I don't know how he gets the resin to look so good. The last time we tried there were too many air bubbles and it didn't cure right at all.”</p><p class="western">“Victor's just amazing like that,” Yuuri says matter-of-factly. “Someone's paying him right now to make Haruka's Space Sword. You should see how shiny it is, it almost looks like real metal.”</p><p class="western">The corner of Phichit's lips lifts upward, but he doesn't say anything else.</p><p class="western">The quiet response out of his normally not-that-quiet friend is enough to give Yuuri pause, but he doesn't think too much of it because the sound of his phone going off steals his attention away.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg, Yuuuuuriiiiiii!!!!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just saw your pic on Patreon!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How are you so good at this? How do you DO THAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks at his phone. He tries to recall just how he looks in the photo Phichit uploaded. His Sesshoumaru cosplay requires coloured contacts, aka the bane of Yuuri's existence, and the day they'd done the shoot was... well, not Yuuri's favourite day of that weekend. He admittedly did not need too much extra work to look as done with life as he'd felt that afternoon. So whatever photo it was, it can't possibly look that good. He's sure anyone can tell that he's not acting.</p><p class="western">But he's curious as to what Viktor's even talking about, so he replies with:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How do I do what?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THAT</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>THAT THING</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're totally smouldering!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Looking at you glare at the camera like that makes my blood burn!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes widen slightly behind his glasses. Okay, if he felt weird before, he feels it even more so now. Like Viktor's not the only one with blood burning.</p><p class="western">There's no way Viktor thinks that's good, on-camera acting. Absolutely no way.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Honestly, half of that is just me squinting because I can't see for shit</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So it's not really me doing that intentionally</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri, you've gotta stop talking yourself down like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No one is accidentally sexy the way you are</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” Phichit waves a hand in front of his face. “You okay? You're making a face.”</p><p class="western">“Fine!” Yuuri squeaks. “Just – just fine.”</p><p class="western">Phichit also makes a face, but Yuuri's mind is elsewhere.</p><p class="western">Viktor thinks he's <em>sexy? </em>How in the hell does anyone think that?!</p><p class="western">Oh.</p><p class="western">Oh, wait.</p><p class="western">Viktor's <em>teasing</em>.</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost slaps a hand against his forehead at his own foolishness. That's what it is. It's what friends do. Viktor does tease him a lot, some days more than others. Now that they're officially friends, Viktor just feels more secure in joking with him in that kind of way. It looks like flirting, but it's not real, not intending for anything other than a quick laugh. Phichit does it all the time with their friend group; no one takes it all that seriously.</p><p class="western">(Well, Guang Hong does, especially when Phichit's comments are directed towards Leo, but that's a whole other story.)</p><p class="western">Ah, it all makes sense now. But how to respond?</p><p class="western">... Tease back?</p><p class="western">It requires a couple different attempts, but eventually Yuuri comes up with something that he thinks suffices.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>god help us if I do try then lol </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes, God help us indeed ; )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If this is you not trying, then I don't think any of us could survive you in your full sexy glory</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri nearly drops his phone.</p><p class="western">Viktor might be good at this, but Yuuri certainly isn't!</p><p class="western">It's almost worse when Yuuri reads the reply in Viktor's voice. He can just imagine hearing those words in the smoothness of Viktor's tone, picture the way his tongue and lips curl around the vowels and consonants in that particular way of his.</p><p class="western">... Okay. Okay, the urge to run is now infinitely worse. He needs to stop thinking immediately.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's phone barking jerks him back to reality.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I gotta go take Makka out for a bit and then I'm hitting the hay, got a lot to do tomorrow </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Have a good night gorgeous &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. That's... that's the first time Viktor's ever used a heart emoticon. He must be in a really good mood.</p><p class="western">The thought of Viktor being happy that he's friends with Yuuri is... wow, <em>a lot.</em></p><p class="western">That strange feeling swells up so big inside of him, he feels like he could explode around the room like a balloon that's been fully blown up but not tied off.</p><p class="western">“You're smiiiiliiiiiing,” Phichit draws out, poking a finger into Yuuri's cheek.</p><p class="western">“Am not,” Yuuri denies, but his face betrays him. He can't get his cheeks to relax or his mouth to stop pulling upwards. Why is it he has no trouble keeping a blank face when his students make inappropriate comments about him behind his back (where they seem to think his ears can magically no longer hear, because he <em>can</em> hear, and yes, he <em>is</em> aware of how thick his ass is, thank you very much) but the second Viktor does or says basically anything to him, Yuuri's insides just instantly start to melt?</p><p class="western">“Did Viktor say something flirty?” Phichit asks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not sure what to say. He takes far too long trying to come up with a response, because Phichit nudges him with his shoulder and asks again, “C'mon, what'd he say?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri presses his phone to his chest, knowing that Phichit will try to sneak a peek if he's not careful. “None of your business.”</p><p class="western">“Oooh, I see. It's all for you. Must've been naughty. Did he send you a picture of his di – ”</p><p class="western">“<em>No!</em>”</p><p class="western">Phichit laughs, eyes glinting. “It's just a question. I know he didn't, you would've freaked out if he did something like that. Whatever he sent must have been nice, though. You seem awfully happy.”</p><p class="western">That has Yuuri's shoulders dropping. Phichit's words roll oddly around in his head. “I do?”</p><p class="western">“Well, yeah? I mean, of course you are. Why wouldn't you be?”</p><p class="western">“I... I dunno.”</p><p class="western">“It's like you've been on cloud nine all month. You're always smiling at your phone, or talking about things Viktor sends you, or referencing things he says.”</p><p class="western">“I do?”</p><p class="western">Phichit tilts his head. He looks genuinely confused by Yuuri's own bewilderment. “You haven't noticed?”</p><p class="western">“Not really.”</p><p class="western">“Are you not happy?”</p><p class="western">“No, I... I think I am,” Yuuri confesses. He hasn't really thought about it, not like this. Except now that the word 'happy' has been said out loud, it makes a striking sort of sense. How did he <em>not</em> realize that? Shouldn't something like that be obvious?</p><p class="western">Well, not to him, apparently.</p><p class="western">Maybe he's been too busy spending the whole month just floating along on the pleasing wave of Viktor's attention that he hasn't stopped to notice that he <em>is</em> floating at all.</p><p class="western">Is it normal to be this happy and out of it when you gain a new friend?</p><p class="western">He was undoubtedly happy when he bonded with Phichit all those years ago, and he feels good when he's around Leo and Guang Hong, or Mila and Sara, but this... This feels different somehow. The colours are similar, but the tone is different.</p><p class="western">“I don't mean to put you on the spot,” Phichit apologizes.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “I guess I honestly just never really thought about it. I didn't realize my feelings were that obvious.”</p><p class="western">“Feelings are funny like that sometimes. But I'm not complaining. It's good to see you happy. And if anything, I bet Viktor is super happy too.” Phichit rises from the couch, stretching his arms above his head. “Anyway, I'm gonna go take a shower before bed. You good?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, go ahead.”</p><p class="western">It's not until Phichit is gone and Yuuri hears the muffled sound of the shower head going that Yuuri allows himself to slowly sink into the couch. The only other sound in the room is the low-volume of the TV playing, and Vicchan's small snores all the way from his dog bed in the corner.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares blankly ahead at their TV set-up, not hearing or seeing anything on the screen, as he replays the conversation with Phichit over and over again in his head.</p><p class="western">Happy. That's what he feels. <em>Happy.</em></p><p class="western">And yet something about it is still different. It's an entirely new happiness, one that Yuuri can't pin down. He thinks about his friends, and he feels warm. But when he thinks of Viktor, he feels hot right to the core.</p><p class="western">
  <em>... Uh oh.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Things carry on normally – or about as normally as “I get to talk to Viktor Nikiforov everyday” gets.</p><p class="western">The conversation with Phichit remains at the background of Yuuri's mind. Like an annoying younger sibling that won't stop poking their head in the privacy of his brain while he's busy trying to live his life, asking questions Yuuri doesn't have answers to and is far too out of his depth to even begin exploring.</p><p class="western">Yuuri just wants to shout back, “Go away! I have no idea what you're even asking! Go bother someone else!”</p><p class="western">Except that someone else is also him, because there's only him and his terrible, terrible brain.</p><p class="western">(If only his meds helped keep him from overthinking everything all the damn time, but not even therapy could completely break him out of that habit.)</p><p class="western">If any of this causes any change in Yuuri's behaviour, Viktor doesn't seem to notice. He certainly doesn't comment on it. If Viktor's little “<em>Good morning, Yuuri~</em>” messages make Yuuri feel a certain way, then that's for Yuuri to know and no one else's business. Their conversations continue like nothing has changed, and Yuuri is just happy he's allowed to be a part of it.</p><p class="western">Him? Happy? Can those two words even be used in the same sentence?</p><p class="western">But... that's how he feels, isn't it? Happy. And not in a way he's experienced before.</p><p class="western">Briefly, Yuuri considers just asking Viktor what something like that means, but if there's anything he fears almost as much as he does looking like an incompetent idiot, it's looking like an incompetent idiot in front of Viktor.</p><p class="western">So he keeps the concern to himself.</p><p class="western">It's not that important, anyway. There's more pressing matters at hand. Like finishing his Ruby Moon on time for Duetto Con, which is only a little less than two months away.</p><p class="western">There's still time – it's only early June, and the convention is not until mid-July. He already has a good chunk of the base outfit completed, though there's still more daunting pieces to attempt, like the overly large butterfly-esque wings Ruby Moon has. If he messes anything up, he'll need extra time (maybe even extra resources) in order to take another stab at them.</p><p class="western">That's not including the time he'll need to help the rest of his friends complete their part of the group. Or the time he'll need to be a responsible adult who works a day job and sleeps in order to recharge and go back to work the next day. A little time to relax would be nice too, but he's not holding his breath for that.</p><p class="western">The looming deadline makes his muscles tense up in a way not even a good evening jog can't release him from. His mind feels frantic when he's left alone with his thoughts of all the things he needs to accomplish. He can plan all he likes, he's still left with the actual work of making everything happen in such a way that it all fits into his tight schedule, and leaves no one let down or disappointed.</p><p class="western">For all intents and purposes, it may as well be a second full-time job.</p><p class="western">... <em>Why</em> did he pick this hobby again?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Apparently Yuuri's behaviour <em>does</em> change to some noticeable degree, because one day Viktor asks him:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you okay?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri looks at his phone, then at the mess of cosplay supplies on the kitchen-slash-dining room table in front of him, then back to his phone again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Uuhhhh cosplay nonsense???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh! What are you trying to do?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>My Ruby Moon wings</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have an idea and it sounded good in my head but now that I'm trying to actually do it I just want to throw up</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Show me?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Which mess, the cosplay stuff or me?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg Yuuri</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're not a mess &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I want to see what you're working with, if that's okay?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">... Well, why not? He's not sure Viktor can help him, but it can't hurt to get some feedback. Yuuri steps back from the table and tries to take the best possible photo he can of his set up. Vicchan circles around his feet, quietly begging for attention, but Yuuri does it best to ignore him for now. He just took Vicchan out for the longest walk possible, Vicchan can stand to entertain himself for a while.</p><p class="western">He sends the photo along with his next reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I saw a tutorial online for these beautiful iridescent faerie wings and my dumbass brain went 'what if that but bigger????'</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And now all I can think is 'you spent a hundred or so dollars just to fuck up'</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I haven't even done anything yet! I've been staring at all this stuff for a good 20 minutes</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri waits, foot tapping on the floor as he tries his best not to look at the supplies on the table and scream.</p><p class="western">Viktor's reply feels like a hit of instant relief.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oooh I think I know what you're talking about! I've seen wings like that around Ren Faires. They are definitely much smaller than what you're going for though</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you trying to make more realistic looking butterfly wings than the solid black and red she has in the anime? That's such a cool idea! It'd really add some more visual intrigue to her design</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The enthusiasm Yuuri can hear in his head from Viktor's reply settles his nerves, if only just a bit. He even finds himself smiling a little as he taps out his reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I am! It's solid colours in the anime but there's fully coloured manga art of her with more realistic looking wings, and I thought it'd be really cool if I could somehow pull that off</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But the method I picked requires ink and blending and dhkjflkkjffdslkdkljsl</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I feel so out of my depth here. I've never made wings like this before, but I want to look a certain way so I have to do this</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You can do it : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You've made amazing things before! And you can do it again. I have complete faith if you~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But what if I fuck it all up?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Then it's just your first attempt. It's not your last chance to get it right</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>When do you need them done?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not for another month or so</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm just</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm just anxious</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes widen at Viktor's next response.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Do you want some company while you give it a shot?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm just packing up pledge rewards right now, I'm not busy : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We could voice chat, that way you don't have to constantly stop and pick up your phone</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We can even video chat if you want, I might even be a little helpful in your endeavours if I can see what you're doing in real time lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri nearly bounces on his feet. Does he want to? He thinks he wants to. Having Viktor see him work is nerve-wrecking – what if he makes a mistake and Viktor notices? - but on the other hand, Viktor's seen him work before. He's been to enough Patreon streams to see Yuuri sew and hot glue quite a few things together at this point.</p><p class="western">Viktor watching him work is more like... like a friend helping out, not his idol quietly judging him from afar.</p><p class="western">Because that's what they are. They're friends. Friends trust each other and share things like this. Right?</p><p class="western">Except they're the kind of friends who mostly text back and forth. Yuuri hasn't heard Viktor's voice since that first stream he attended more than a month ago. What if they video chat and Yuuri panics too hard to concentrate on his cosplay, or worse, even hold up a decent conversation? What if he can't even multi-task and everyone has been too nice to him his entire life to say something about it?!</p><p class="western">No, no, breathe, <em>breathe</em>, damn it. He <em>can</em> multi-task. His friends aren't polite liars. And neither is Viktor.</p><p class="western">If it goes badly, Yuuri can just... fake sick or something. End it early.</p><p class="western">Yeah. Yeah, okay. There's a doable plan. So long as there is one, he can do this.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's thumbs miss the intended letters more often than he wants to admit, but he eventually gets the reply out.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, that sounds like a good idea</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Discord?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">After getting the okay from Viktor, Yuuri opens the Discord app on his phone and goes to straight to his (admittedly small) friends list. He opens the private messaging screen between him and Viktor, eyes already on the little button meant for video chats, but Viktor beats Yuuri to the chase and sends him the invite. It rings loud and expectantly, begging for a response.</p><p class="western">Sucking in his next breath, Yuuri hits the accept button and braces himself.</p><p class="western">A new screen takes up Yuuri's phone. It's small, but it's undeniably of Viktor. He's standing in front of a large computer desk, his dual monitor set-up just in view. There's a strange looking printer behind him, as well as something like a hundred or so light purple and blue packages next to it. Stacks of cosplay prints on glossy paper sit in front of his monitors, with smaller piles of other physical rewards off to the side. Most of the prints lean towards red and orange hues – Yuuri recognizes it instantly as the image everyone voted for as this months print reward. His favourite photo from Viktor's Sidon shoot weeks ago had won out. He looks noble in it, even from afar. The red of his full body suit reflects in the calm water, and the setting sun behind him outlines his body in a beautiful gold halo.</p><p class="western">Phone angled slightly from above, Viktor looks up into the phone, and holy shit, it almost feels like Viktor's looking straight <em>into</em> him. Yuuri almost takes a step backwards from the intensity of Viktor's gaze.</p><p class="western">How embarrassing is it that, even from states away, Viktor's presence is still so intense?</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks at him, and a smile unfurls across his lips.</p><p class="western">“Hey, Yuuri,” he says, sounding a touch breathless.</p><p class="western">Suddenly Yuuri can't breathe. He stares at his phone, tongue-tied.</p><p class="western">(Oh no, Viktor's waiting for a response. He has to think of something, and quick!)</p><p class="western">“Uh,” he answers intelligently.</p><p class="western">Viktor snorts. The admittedly undignified noise coming out of someone like, well, Viktor, has Yuuri's shoulders falling from where they are around his ears.</p><p class="western">“You know, that's the first thing you ever said to me,” Viktor laughs, eyes squinting from what Yuuri can only guess to be delight. “I'm beginning to think it's just a thing with you.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows. What to say, what to say.</p><p class="western">“Y-Yeah? Well, what if it is? What would you do about it?”</p><p class="western">That seems to catch Viktor off guard, because in the next moment he lets out an almost too quiet, “Um.” When he realizes what he's just done, he lets out another laugh. “Okay, okay, you got me there.”</p><p class="western">“Do I?” Yuuri finds himself blurting out, which makes zero sense, but Viktor continues to laugh like it's the funniest thing he's heard in a while. But hearing the sweet chime of Viktor's laughter gently coaxes Yuuri into releasing the tension in his body, and he finds himself smiling despite his anxiety.</p><p class="western">For a brief moment Viktor looks like he wants to say something. He even opens his mouth. But something stops him. He instead turns away for a moment to click around on his computer. The printer in the background lets out a noise and begins to print what looks like a label to be stuck onto one of the many packages on the desk.</p><p class="western">“So,” Viktor says, “walk me through this tutorial you found. What exactly are you trying to do?”</p><p class="western">The clear request gives Yuuri's brain something to latch onto. He's very, very grateful for it. He doesn't know if he can keep up good conversation on his own, but if there's a focal point for them to circle around, then he think he can survive.</p><p class="western">“Well, it's like this...”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's an actual tutorial for what Yuuri is doing with his wings, which can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrey7ZGBwZA </p><p>If you're wondering “wait why did it take more than a month for Christophe to finish editing their photos and send them back?” it's because A) Christophe has a day job and other photo sets to finish first, and b) it's a running (frustrated) joke in the cosplay community that photographers either take forever to edit photos, OR never send them back at all. Christophe doesn't do that though, he always finishes the things people pay him for. He's very reliable like that~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. why did you give it up?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What's this? I updated TWO fics within a day of each other? I'm a goddamn superstar! /sarcasm</p><p>I would wait longer to post this but it's been a while since the last update and I want the bragging rights of my slow ass updating twice in the same week.</p><p>Cosplay(ish) notes for this chapter:</p><p>If you're a cosplayer and you have access to a machine to vacuum seal your cosplays, totally fucking do it. It will save you SO much space, and keep it all together! If you're like me and you live in an apartment, you'll need all the space you can get.</p><p>And if you're really into magical girl costumes and want the frills to be extra frilly/bouncy, look into horse hair braid for the hem. It will do wonders for you!</p><p>Enjoy the fic!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri spends the next ten or so minutes detailing the process he researched online. It's fairly simple technically speaking. He already has the desired wire frame for both halves of the wings, the required inks and solution needed to blend it out on the iridescent film, and the foam pads needed to achieve said blending. He even has gloves and a mask to help protect his lungs from the fumes.</p><p class="western">He's spent months conceptualizing what he wants, researching the best way to go about it, and he now has everything he needs to do it. He just needs to, well, <em>do it</em>. That's oddly enough the biggest obstacle of all. Not the research or prep work. It's the actual creating itself that's stumping him.</p><p class="western">Viktor listens to all of it, his face turned away from the camera as he fills up and labels patreon packages, but he always glances up at the camera when Yuuri's voice falters, a sympathetic smile on his face as he waits for Yuuri to find himself again. It's not just a tutorial he's recounting on the spot, but also his thoughts that he's trying to organize out loud, and Viktor is nothing if not patient.</p><p class="western">“It doesn't sound too hard,” Viktor comments when Yuuri finishes explaining his intentions. “It will take a while, considering how big those wire frames are, but I'm sure it will turn out lovely if you're patient and take your time.”</p><p class="western">“I can do that,” Yuuri says, wetting his lips, “take my time, I mean. It's starting that's hard right now.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums. He pats a label sticker onto a package and sets it aside. He turns to the camera, a hand perched on his hip. “How much material do you have? Did you buy just enough for one set of wings?”</p><p class="western">“I bought enough for about two sets,” Yuuri says. “Maybe a little more, if I plan the placement of the frame on the film just right. I figured I was going to screw up and didn't want to wait for more film to ship in case I did.”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “Tell me, Yuuri. When you sew, do you make mock-ups in muslin first?”</p><p class="western">“Huh? Sometimes... moreso back when I was learning, or when I'm making something super out of my comfort zone.”</p><p class="western">The corner of Viktor's lips curls upwards. “But why do you do it?”</p><p class="western">“... Oh!” Yuuri gasps. It hits him a slap of his hand to his forehead. “You think I should make a practice set of wings first?”</p><p class="western">“Why not? Your first attempt doesn't have to be <em>the</em> attempt. It's always good to play around with new crafts before you try to make the real deal. That is, if you're comfortable doing so. I'm not saying you have to make a huge pair of wings, but what if you made a small wing? Maybe no bigger than your forearm? That way you can get a good feel for how the inks work and how best to make them blend out the way you want. You'll not only still have enough for two proper attempts, but you'll also have some experience with your materials to give you some confidence.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri scrubs a hand over his face. “Holy shit, why didn't I think of that? The answer is so obvious. I'm such a dumbass.”</p><p class="western">Viktor snorts for the second time that evening. The sound is even more endearing this time around. “No, you're not. Crafting supplies get expensive. Not everyone can afford to just mess around and learn how best to utilize their resources.”</p><p class="western">“Still...”</p><p class="western">“I'm sure you would have thought of something similar given enough time for your mind to relax and stretch a little.”</p><p class="western">“Hmm. Maybe.”</p><p class="western">“Definitely,” Viktor challenges, though it's playful and harmless, not at all unlike how Phichit likes to poke Yuuri's cheek when he gets down on himself. “So. If you want to do this now, then you should put Vicchan somewhere else so he stays safe. And open up your balcony door or windows or whatever you have going on in there. We don't want you passing out on us, now would we?”</p><p class="western">“No, mom,” Yuuri retorts before he can stop himself.</p><p class="western">Any mortification he might have felt doesn't have the time to simmer into anything hot and uncomfortable because Viktor just winks at the camera and gives back an equally playful, “Careful! Keep up the attitude and I might have to punish you.”</p><p class="western">Encouraged, Yuuri shoots back, “I'd like to see you try. You're how many states away? Good luck enforcing anything.”</p><p class="western">Viktor leans in closer to the camera, eyes half-hooded. “Is that a challenge?”</p><p class="western">“I dunno, mom. Is it one?”</p><p class="western">“Oooh, the <em>mouth</em> on you.”</p><p class="western">This time when Viktor laughs, Yuuri is laughing right along with him.</p><p class="western">How did he think this was going to be hard at all? Actually talking to Viktor out loud isn't at all different to how they type on a social media mobile app. It's easy and fun. Like they should have been friends years ago. Like they already have been.</p><p class="western">Could it have been like this much earlier? If Yuuri hadn't chickened out each and every time he tried to say hi in the past? He tries not to think about it too hard now, not when it's possible that Viktor can see every emotion that crosses Yuuri's face. If texting has a benefit, it's that it is much easier to hide the moments of doubt or shame when Yuuri doesn't want Viktor to see them.</p><p class="western">If he can help it, he'll never let Viktor see anymore of that side of him. He doesn't need to burden Viktor with... that.</p><p class="western">Taking his friend's advice seriously, Yuuri lifts Vicchan up in his arms and carries him to his bedroom. He quietly promises him that he'll take Vicchan out for the longest trip to the dog park possible afterwards, along with an extra fancy snack as a reward for being such a good, patient friend. Vicchan makes eyes at Yuuri when he's left in his room, but it's for the best. The last thing he wants to do is take Vicchan to the vet.</p><p class="western">Opening the balcony door as wide as it will go, Yuuri gathers his materials and sets himself up on the floor. It's windy outside – too windy to work out on the balcony like Yuuri usually does when he's working with anything with fumes – but the breeze is nice on his skin as he settles down next to the screen door. He has a large piece of cardboard underneath the film to prevent any of the ink from accidentally dropping onto their carpeted floor, and old newspaper underneath and expanding past <em>that</em> for extra measure.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stands his phone up against a stack of books nearby, angled so Viktor has a somewhat decent look at what's going on. Well, not at the project itself, unfortunately. But Yuuri can show Viktor as he goes.</p><p class="western">Yuuri pulls on his gloves with a satisfying snap and pulls his mask over his face. He then stares down at his set up... and his mind goes completely blanks.</p><p class="western">“I have no idea what to do,” Yuuri admits, voice muffled by his mask. “I mean, I know <em>what</em> to do, but I also don't?”</p><p class="western">Viktor taps a finger against his lip, a considering look on his face. “Ruby Moon has large red dots on her wings, correct? I'd recommend dropping the red ink onto the film first before you do the black. If you use the black first, it will muddy the red and it won't look as bright.”</p><p class="western">“Makes sense. I should probably find out how the black and red might blend together too while I'm at it... I don't want it to look weird when I actually do it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor beams at him. Despite the small image on Yuuri's phone screen, nothing about Viktor's presence feels little. His voice is strong and confident as he says, “Yes, exactly. Best to find out now. You can do it! Just take it nice and slow as you learn.”</p><p class="western">Nodding, Yuuri lets a few drops of the red ink finally drip onto the film, and gets to work.</p><p class="western">It's a little hard to talk through the mask – Yuuri has to raise his voice much louder than he's comfortable doing, which makes him wonder if the neighbours can hear him – but he manages, and he and Viktor continue to casually chat.</p><p class="western">They talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. The topics come as effortlessly as they do during their online chats. Yuuri even briefly forgets that it's <em>Viktor</em> he's talking to, his brain likening it more to him just chatting with a close friend than his idol.</p><p class="western">It also helps that this friend knows something about making wings, and gives pretty good tips when Yuuri's stuck staring at the film with no idea how to proceed.</p><p class="western">The constant encouragement is also very, very nice to hear. Yuuri's so glad his mask hides how big and happy his smile is when Viktor lets out an enthusiastic stream of praise. Viktor doesn't need to see how embarrassing he truly is.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't realize hours have passed until he hears the apartment front door open, and Phichit call out a greeting. Phichit enters the living room when he hears Yuuri's usual reply, but when he sees that he's busy at work and video chatting, he smiles a little too broadly for Yuuri's liking and takes his leave just as quickly.</p><p class="western">(It's not like he's hogging Viktor all to himself. Phichit can stick around if he wants.</p><p class="western">... But at the same time, it's okay that Phichit leaves.)</p><p class="western">It's dark, the sun mostly set, when Yuuri decides he's finished for the night. His back hurts from being bent over the solo wing on the floor.</p><p class="western">Yuuri arches his body and lets out a small groan. “Okay. I think I'm actually done now. Wanna see?”</p><p class="western">“Of course!” Viktor replies. He's long since completed his packaging for the day and has just been chilling in his computer chair for the last hour, watching Yuuri work away. He had to get up once to let Makkachin out, but other than that Viktor's attention has been completely on him.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri gently lifts one side of the wing and angles his phone with his other hand to give Viktor a decent look, Viktor lets out an excited gasp and clasps his hands to both sides of his face.</p><p class="western">“Yuuuuriiiiiiii! Oh, it's so shiny and pretty, like real butterfly wings. I'm in love! But what do you think? Are you happy with the results?”</p><p class="western">“Well, I messed up a little bit in a few spots, but I think so. You were right about putting the red on first. If I want get the spots as dark and intense as I want them to be, I'll have to go over them a few times and let them dry before I add the black, though.”</p><p class="western">“A useful thing to have learned,” Viktor says, nodding sagely.</p><p class="western">Yuuri lowers the wing back onto the floor and tugs his mask off over his head, taking a pleasing gulp of fresh, cool air. The longer he looks at the practice wing, the more he actually likes about it, and the less daunting the thought of creating a matching pair of much larger wings becomes.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's back and legs hurt from hours of focus, but the relief feels good. It's worth it.</p><p class="western">He lifts his phone higher, grinning at the image if Viktor smiling back at him. “Thanks for suggesting I do that, Viktor. It actually really helped.”</p><p class="western">“No problem. Anything to help out a fellow cosplayer.”</p><p class="western">“I almost want to start the wings now, while I'm on a roll. But it's getting pretty late.”</p><p class="western">“You're also probably more tired than you realize. Best to save it for when you're well rested and not sore all over.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost wants to challenge that – he's not that tired or sore – but experience and past mistakes tell him that Viktor's right. If anyone knows how stupid it is to keep working on a project into the wee hours of the morning, it's going to be the professional cosplayer.</p><p class="western">Viktor tilts his head. Some of his fringe falls further to the side, gently framing the top of his high cheekbone. Yuuri's momentarily distracted by it until Viktor's words finally register in his head.</p><p class="western">“How is the rest of the costume coming along, by the way?”</p><p class="western">“Good, actually,” Yuuri replies. “All of the sewing is done. I just have the shoes and wings to finish before I can do a full costest of it.” Yuuri wets his lips as an idea occurs to him. “Do you... want to see?”</p><p class="western">Viktor lights up. He sits straighter in his chair. “Yes, of course!”</p><p class="western">Grinning, Yuuri lifts himself up from the floor (slowly, and with a wince). After quickly cleaning up his mess and depositing everything onto the kitchen table, he heads to his room.</p><p class="western">Vicchan bolts out of his room as soon as Yuuri opens the door, but when he takes a second look to see if Vicchan needs out, he spies Vicchan bolting to Phichit's open doorway instead of the entrance to the apartment. He shrugs and figures his pupper must be fine if he's immediately trying to bother Phichit instead of seeking relief. He hears Phichit let out an excited, “Where've you been, buddy? Get up here!”</p><p class="western">Certain that his roommate will take care of any sudden needs Vicchan will have, Yuuri closes his bedroom door behind him to give himself and Viktor some privacy.</p><p class="western">“Okay, one second, just gonna sit you down here...” Yuuri sets his phone against the stem of his nightstand lamp. When he's confident his phone won't slip and drop straight onto the floor, he goes and opens up his closet. He has the finished pieces of the costume, minus the wig, carefully folded up in a container that's clearly marked “Ruby Moon” with black marker on some duct tape he stuck to the side. He'll properly vacuum seal the whole thing after the convention to save space, but for now it rests in here.</p><p class="western">Yuuri pops open the container on his bed.</p><p class="western">“Okay, so I just finished this red collar... thing... the other day.” He holds up the first piece to the phone, turning it back and forth slightly to give Viktor a good look. “I don't know what to call it to be honest, but it's done.”</p><p class="western">“Oooh, very nice,” Viktor praises. “The points look very straight and smooth.”</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Yuuri says, feeling his cheeks warm up. He almost wishes his mask were still on to hide it, but the not-too-great lighting in his room should also do the trick. “It was a pain in the ass to get them that way, but not as much as the corset.” He switches items, picking up said corset and holding it up against his form. “I'm a dumbass who picked shinier fabric because I wanted it to really pop against all of the matte fabrics. I had to remake this, like, three times before I was happy with it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks the item all over, eyes soaking up every inch of it. “I like it, though. It'll really show off your natural curves when the light hits it right.”</p><p class="western">“That's what Phichit said.” Yuuri sighs when he remembers something else. “He <em>also</em> said it looks BDSM-y.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “I mean, he's not wrong. It's not a bad thing, either. If anyone in Cardcaptor Sakura is into the kinky stuff, it would definitely be Ruby Moon.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs again. “I hate that I agree with you, but you're absolutely right.” Placing the corset aside, he lifts up the long flowing skirt, the first piece he'd made when he started the costume. “I'm the happiest with this. Maybe you can't tell from afar, but look closely at the fabric.”</p><p class="western">He holds it up nice and close to his phone. The dramatic gasp Viktor lets out alerts Yuuri as to when Viktor notices the small, added detail.</p><p class="western">“Is that <em>butterfly print?</em>”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pulls the fabric back. “Yeah! I found it by complete accident the last time Phichit and I went fabric shopping in Toronto. I bought a bunch of it because I didn't know if I'd ever find it again, and I didn't want to mess up and not have more to work with. It's so light and comfortable, and it drapes so nicely too.”</p><p class="western">“I'll say. Look at the way it flows! It's going to look so good against the corset and collar.”</p><p class="western">“You should see how it looks when it's shorter.” At Viktor's confused look, Yuuri switches the longer skirt out for the shorter one he made shortly after the first skirt had been completed. The length of it just hits Yuuri's mid-thigh, and the magical-girl-esque frills are more obvious. “I made this one, too. It has some horsehair braid in the hem so it's a lot more frilly and fun.”</p><p class="western">“Oooh. What for? Are you planning for a summer convention or shoot?”</p><p class="western">“For dances and lip syncs, actually.” Yuuri shakes the skirt up and down, making the fabric bounce. “A long skirt won't be as easy to move around in, but I had so much extra fabric I just thought 'why not make another skirt just for dancing?'”</p><p class="western">“Good thinking. Wouldn't want anyone to accidentally step on your longer skirt.”</p><p class="western">“Exactly. It's happened before in another costume, and they ended up making it rip. They didn't even apologize.” Yuuri makes a small noise. “Then again, I'm not even sure they knew that they'd done it. It's so dark and crowded in a dance.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “I wouldn't know, I haven't been to one in years.” He props his elbow on his desk and rests his chin upon his hand. There's a fondness in his eyes that slowly warms Yuuri from the inside out. “You're going to look amazing, Yuuri. No one will be able to tear their eyes away from you.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know about <em>amazing</em>...” Yuuri's suddenly unable to look directly at Viktor.</p><p class="western">“Hush. You absolutely will. You have a real talent for this. I can't wait to see how the whole thing looks with your impeccable make-up. Your transformations are truly a thing of magic.”</p><p class="western">There's that comment again. That weird implication that Yuuri's skills are otherworldly and unobtainable by normal human hands.</p><p class="western">But that's all he is: a human, with admittedly an uncommon interest. And Viktor's one as well.</p><p class="western">Yuuri adjusts his glasses until they sit right on his nose again. “Viktor...”</p><p class="western">“Yes?”</p><p class="western">“Do you ever miss it?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost thinks that the feed on his phone froze because Viktor is so utterly still. It's only when Viktor blinks that Yuuri realizes that it hasn't.</p><p class="western">“Miss what?” Viktor asks, his voice sounding off, too nonchalant for what his expression says.</p><p class="western">“Crossplaying,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“I...”</p><p class="western">In an instant Yuuri can see how uncomfortable Viktor is with the question, and Yuuri regrets asking it immediately. “It's okay if you don't want to answer,” he rushes out. “Forget I even asked.”</p><p class="western">That makes Viktor's eyebrows pinch together. “What? No, Yuuri, it's fine. It's just... it's a loaded question, I guess you could say.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry. I'm not digging for secrets, I swear.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's expression relaxes somewhat. “No, I didn't think you were. You want the honest truth?”</p><p class="western">He does, but not in exchange for Viktor's comfort. “Only if you want to tell me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor brushes some hair out of his eyes, his attention elsewhere as he seems to think his response over. “I miss it all the time,” he quietly confesses.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can hear the sadness laced in Viktor's voice, and it makes him pause and consider his next words. He asks in an equally quiet voice, “Why did you stop? Did it just get too uncomfortable for you?”</p><p class="western">“... A lot of reasons,” Viktor answers. “But yes. It got uncomfortable. I was never fully satisfied with it. Some costumes never sat the way I wanted it to on my body no matter how hard I tried, and it made me hyper aware of... things. And then I got older, and...”</p><p class="western">Viktor stops there. He looks like he wants to continue, but his lips purse together as though to hold something back.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sets his skirt aside and lifts up his phone. He takes a seat on the edge of his bed and holds the phone up at eye level. There's little he can do, being several states away with only their phones connecting them, but in this moment he doesn't want to be so far away from the screen for Viktor to feel like he's baring his soul to someone completely distant.</p><p class="western">“Would you ever consider trying it again?” he asks.</p><p class="western">The corners of Viktor's lips lift, but it's not a smile. “I don't know if I can. I had fans, but lots of people weren't so kind about it the first time. I have a very supportive fanbase now, but I don't know what their limits are. It's been so long since I've done it. The audience I've cultivated expect certain things from me. I know I branch out a lot and try lots of new things, but there's still only so much freedom that I actually have.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares blankly at his phone, wondering if he actually heard that right.</p><p class="western">Sure, Viktor's answer makes sense from a business stand point, and yet Yuuri can't help but feel that it's unsatisfying at the same time. The Viktor he knows gets new and exciting ideas from seemingly out of nowhere. He looks an obstacle in the face and says, "challenge accepted." A Viktor that lets out a small sigh and says “can't do it, people might not like it” just doesn't make <em>any</em> sense to him.</p><p class="western">... But then Yuuri recalls Viktor's comment about a lack of encouragement, and things not sitting right on his body, and he begins to wonder what's really going on in Viktor's head.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri come back with a firm, “I think you'd look amazing if you did it now.”</p><p class="western">Viktor finally looks back at him, eyes blinking. “What? No.” A pause, then, “...You think?”</p><p class="western">“I know so.”</p><p class="western">“You don't think I'd look too...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not entirely sure what Viktor's getting at, but he has a suspicion. “Too what?”</p><p class="western">A uncomfortable noise escapes Viktor's lips, not quite a nervous chuckle, more like a sound of disbelief at himself. “I don't even wanna say it, to be honest. But... you don't think I'd look like a man in a dress?”</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri answers honestly.</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “See, I'm not too sure about that.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Yuuri begins, leaning back on one hand on his bed, “I mean, technically you would be a man in a dress, but not in the way you mean. I'm a man in a dress half the time. It's not a bad thing.”</p><p class="western">“But you don't <em>look</em> like it,” Viktor presses.</p><p class="western">“Hard work and effort,” Yuuri presses back. “If I can do it, then anyone can do it. Your body is capable of being anything you want it to be.”</p><p class="western">Viktor stares at him, teeth digging into his bottom lip. In a strange, almost surreal moment, Yuuri has the sudden urge to reach out and gently urge the delicate flesh out with his thumb. He's suddenly glad there's miles and miles between them to keep from Yuuri doing anything so weird and... intimate.</p><p class="western">After a pause, Viktor says in a quiet rush of breath, “You might be the only one who does think I can do it. It's not like anyone else asks me if I ever would again. Not seriously, anyway. It's all a giant joke to everyone else. Or an embarrassment I need to scrub clean.”</p><p class="western">That sets off an alarm in Yuuri's head. In another surreal moment, he thinks he can hear what Viktor's <em>not</em> saying. It slides the puzzles pieces into proper position, and now Yuuri's not only perplexed that his idol is uncharacteristically down on himself, but angry that someone out there might have <em>stolen</em> something from him.</p><p class="western">Brow furrowing, Yuuri asks, “Who told you that you can't do it?”</p><p class="western">“No one,” is Viktor's hasty answer. But in the next moment, after a long stare from Yuuri, he adds, “Well, no one important anymore... he's long gone. They all are.”</p><p class="western">The confirmation makes Yuuri's gut boil hot with anger. He tries to imagine someone who meant something to Viktor telling him he can't do what used to make him so happy, and it makes the anger sizzle and spit even hotter.</p><p class="western">Yuuri says, “'No one' sounds like a jackass.”</p><p class="western">The comment catches Viktor off guard. He blinks at Yuuri before he lets out an off sounding chuckle. “He was, in more ways than one. But I've never forgotten some of the things he used to say.”</p><p class="western">“He's wrong,” Yuuri asserts with a shake of his head. “He doesn't know what he's talking about.”</p><p class="western">“Maybe.”</p><p class="western">“Did he even crossplay with you?”</p><p class="western">“Nah. He thought the whole thing was pretty weird. But I guess I was attractive enough for him to tolerate it until it got to be too much. He's not the entire reason why I stopped, but I'd be lying if I said he wasn't a major contributing factor.” Viktor's voice lowers as he admits, “Some days I look at old photos and can't help think that maybe he was right all along. It all looks so wrong. I can hardly remember how good it used to feel because all I remember and see now is the bad.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's words momentarily stuns Yuuri into silence. He never once imagined that someone could have done something as cruel as that to Viktor, to someone as strong and self-assured at him. How was that even possible? Who looked at someone so inspiring and made the decision to try and tear them down like that?</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Yuuri says in a firm voice. He waits until Viktor's eyes focus on him before he continues. “Do you believe him more than me?”</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a small face. “... No? I'm not sure what you're asking.”</p><p class="western"><em>Don't say it</em>, a nervous voice in Yuuri's head says. Don't say the thing he's thought for years. Viktor can't know what he thinks. He shouldn't open himself up in a way that let's Viktor see something too vulnerable, too personal, too loaded with implication. It will just embarrass them both. The voice repeats over and over in a panic: <em>don't say it, don't say it, don't say it!</em></p><p class="western">But a voice even louder cries over it: <em>say it, he needs to hear it!</em></p><p class="western">His heart beats too loud in his ears for Yuuri to think straight. His nerves scream to act now, to either freeze or flee or fight. Viktor watching him so closely through their video connection only makes the urgency worse. There's no time for any other decision, so Yuuri just throws it all out in a rush.</p><p class="western">“Viktor, you're probably the most beautiful person on the planet. Whether you're dressed up as a man or a woman or anything else. Some toxic asshole doesn't change that fact.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...” Viktor breathes aloud, but nothing more follows. He's staring at Yuuri like he can't believe his eyes.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri continues, if only to make himself more clear. “I'm sorry he did that to you. I'm sorry he put doubt in your head like that. But he's wrong, and I'll sit here all night if I need to if you need convincing.”</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows. “You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault I have shitty taste in men.”</p><p class="western">“Someone has to. I'm guessing he never apologized.”</p><p class="western">“Why apologize if you're never wrong?” Viktor mumbles under his breath. Seconds later he scrubs a hand over his face. “I'm sorry, that was really bitter sounding. You don't need to be hearing this.”</p><p class="western"><em>But maybe you need to be saying it</em>, Yuuri wants to say.</p><p class="western">“You're too nice,” he says instead. “Give me his address and I'll beat him up for you.”</p><p class="western">That shocks a laugh out of Viktor. “What? No, I'm not giving you his address.”</p><p class="western">“Do it and I'll show up on his front step in 5 inch heels and all the glitter in the world. He'll rue the day he ever messed with Viktor Nikiforov.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri</em>,” Viktor stresses, but he's laughing again despite himself. “Okay, okay, that mental image is actually pretty good. I would pay to see that. But I'm still not giving you his address.”</p><p class="western">“That's fine,” Yuuri replies. “I have my ways. I'll record the showdown for you when it happens.”</p><p class="western">“Please don't go to jail on my behalf.”</p><p class="western">“Fiiiiiine. At least let me glitter bomb him, though.”</p><p class="western">“He's really not worth it.”</p><p class="western">“<em>You're</em> worth it.”</p><p class="western">It's out before Yuuri can catch himself – but for once, he doesn't regret his mouth speaking faster than his brain, because the comment has Viktor lifting his head a little, his eyes brightening. It's a little hard to tell over the phone, but Yuuri thinks he sees a light dusting of a blush creeping across Viktor's cheeks and ears.</p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lips. “Yuuri...”</p><p class="western">“Yeah?”</p><p class="western">“Did you mean what you said earlier?”</p><p class="western">“Uh, which part?”</p><p class="western">“The part about you thinking I'm beautiful.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri immediately goes quiet.</p><p class="western">He really did say that, didn't he? That's not an easy thing to take back. He doesn't want to, either. It <em>is</em> the truth, but he's also not sure he's ready to own up fully to such a remark either.</p><p class="western">Viktor sits silently in his chair, watching him with an expectant gaze.</p><p class="western">Yuuri clears his throat, the noise jarring in the sudden silence that has fallen over the two of of them. “Well... yeah? But everyone thinks that. I'm hardly alone on that one. Have you seen the thirst comments on your posts?”</p><p class="western">“But <em>you</em> think that,” Viktor says, not straying from the course.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but feel like he's tightly wrapped himself up in his own words, like a dancer hanging in the air on silks, only he moved in a way he hadn't meant to and now he's all twisted up, hanging awkwardly and upside down, unable to undue what he's done or free himself in a way that won't be horribly embarrassing to watch.</p><p class="western">No way out – except to retread the path he's already travelled.</p><p class="western">“I do,” Yuuri admits.</p><p class="western">In a rare moment of shyness, Viktor glances away and moves to tuck some of his fringe out of his eyes. It falls back into place almost instantly, the length not quite long enough to stay where he guides it.</p><p class="western">“I know people think I'm attractive,” Viktor says, “but what they usually say is that I'm handsome...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri waits for him to continue.</p><p class="western">“No one...” Viktor sucks in a sharp breath. “No one actually says that I'm <em>beautiful</em>. That's just not a word anyone applies to me. Or at least I've never heard it. Not even when I dressed up as a girl. I heard 'cute' and 'pretty.' But never 'beautiful.'”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Yuuri says, “I'm glad someone said it to you. Even if that person is my awkward ass. I hope that doesn't ruin the moment for you.”</p><p class="western">Except telling from the way Viktor looks back up at him, eyes crinkling with how bright and big his smile is, it's anything but. The look on Viktor's face steals the breath right out of Yuuri's chest. It hits him hard, in that moment, just how true such a statement is, just how beautiful Viktor is inside and out. There's really no one else out there like him, no one who makes Yuuri feel like this.</p><p class="western">Viktor says, “It doesn't ruin it. The fact that it's you makes it even better.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For the interested: next chapter might have some sexual content! I'll warn you next chapter if/when it happens. :3c</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. but am I really beautiful?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>¯\_(ツ)_/¯ </p><p>Warning for some internalized transphobia and gender dysphoria. It is spread all throughout the chapter, so it's hard to avoid, but the worst of it starts with “Because that's what he is” and ends at “For someone to think that”. All you need to know if you need to skip that section is that Viktor feels very ugly about himself with regards to his gender feelings/expression.</p><p>No sexual content in this chapter after all! It's being moved to a more appropriate chapter later on~ It'll be more enjoyable to read this way, believe me. If it was in this chapter it'd be sad sexual content and I dunno how badly any of you want that.</p><p>Gender notes for this chapter (nothing too spoilery but if you don't want to know anything yet feel free to skip, this will all be stated in-universe at some point):</p><p>I haven't stated this anywhere yet, and it's probably not going to be said in these exact words in this specific fic (though they probably will be in sequel fics – yes, there'll be sequels! This is an entire AU now!), but Viktor is specifically genderfluid in this 'verse. He will use the word non binary at a later point in time, but non binary is kind of an umbrella term for a loooot of different gender expressions, genderfluid is much more specific. </p><p>To those who don't really know what genderfluid means in Viktor's context, it means that his innate sense of self/gender tends to fluctuate. Sometimes he feels like a man, sometimes like a woman, sometimes both, sometimes neither, and his struggle is that he's trapped in the experience of being just a man without the freedom to explore the rest of himself. He experiences dysphoria most on the days where he doesn't feel like a man, but is generally okay when he does feel like one. He's mostly okay with his body aside from a few things he does wish were different, but those feelings also tend to fluctuate. An example is he's fine with his voice on days where he feels like a man, but on days when he doesn't it's grating to his own ears and he's hyper aware of how it sounds/feels in his throat.</p><p>The reason why I wanted to state it out and clear is because I know how frustrating it can be, as a trans reader, to read something with a character who is vaguely trans in some way, wondering the whole time “Okay, but what IS their experience? Is it like mine or is it different?” and oftentimes not getting a satisfying answer.</p><p>So, yeah! This will all be stated in text at some point. But just so there's some reassurance, here it is in black and white. Or as black and white as genderfluidity gets lmao.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Their call ended not long ago.</p><p class="western">“My battery's dying,” Yuuri had said, almost apologetically, like he thought Viktor expected him to stay on for the entirety of the night and not for as long as their conversation naturally flowed. Viktor would have been more than happy to chat literally all night long, but they both have lives they need to get back to in the morning. Not to mention that his own phone was dying as well. So they bid each other farewell and then signed off for the night.</p><p class="western">Viktor's been sitting in his chair and staring up at the ceiling ever since.</p><p class="western">Beautiful. Yuuri thinks he's <em>beautiful</em>.</p><p class="western">Viktor presses a hand over his heart, which feels like its ready to beat right out of his chest. He feels so full, so overwhelmed with <em>feeling. </em>His insides swell with it to the edge of bursting over. Yuuri's always so full of surprises, but Viktor never once expected a surprise such as this one.</p><p class="western">No one's ever called him beautiful before.</p><p class="western">Viktor's been called a lot of things. Some good, some... not so good. Never anything that made him want to bury his face into a thick, soft pillow and hide his tears.</p><p class="western">Wait, tears?</p><p class="western">Viktor lifts a finger to his eyes and catches a stray tear that clings to his bottom eyelashes. He pulls it back to get a good look at the unexpected droplet. Where did this come from? Why is he crying? He frowns at the offending droplet. He hasn't cried in years. Not since...</p><p class="western">The thought that this is a tear from an old wound coming alive again with new ache bothers Viktor more than he wants to admit.</p><p class="western">“I'm not going to cry over you,” he murmurs aloud to no one. He did enough crying years ago. It wasn't worth it then, it certainly isn't now.</p><p class="western">Except, unbidden, unwanted, the image of someone from long ago comes to mind, someone who had promised him the world, only to crumble it all beneath Viktor's feet. Despite the long stretch of time between the past and the present, the memory itself is unnervingly crisp and clear. He can recall some of the last words they'd exchanged before permanently parting ways, can still hear the disgust in the man's voice, the utter contempt. It's never left him. It fills Viktor anew with shame and humiliation and so much regret.</p><p class="western">When Viktor blinks there's another tear in his eye, followed by another, and another. Pain lurches in his chest, a terrible twist of what had once been the excited beating of his heart. Viktor's bottom lips wobbles. He scrubs a hand across his eyes and tries to shove it all away. Before Viktor can swallow it down – the same way that he always does – a small sob chokes itself out of his chest, startling him with how raw and guttural it sounds in his small computer/business room.</p><p class="western">He's spent so long avoiding his own feelings – doing everything in his power to be too busy to pay any attention, to be as closed off to himself as possible. He thought that, maybe, if he just waited long enough, those feelings, all of them, would just go away on their own. Yet in a moment of weakness, of allowing himself the full joy of Yuuri's words, the rest of his feelings just came flooding back, as strong as they had been long ago, a reminder that he can't escape himself after all.</p><p class="western">His problems hadn't gone away – all he'd done was erect a dam between them and himself, and now the wall is crumbling away from the built up pressure.</p><p class="western">Viktor sucks in a shaky breath.</p><p class="western">There's just really no escaping this, is there?</p><p class="western">In a moment of painful honesty, Viktor hates himself deeply for still feeling anything at all for someone who cared so little.</p><p class="western">With a small exhale, Viktor glances about the room and comes to his next conclusion. He can't stay in here all by himself. He knows what will happen next if he does, and he's not ready to let old feelings and pain drown him again.</p><p class="western">He swallows back his tears and holds his breath, forcing himself to calm down. Chair creaking, Viktor lifts himself up and heads downstairs.</p><p class="western">The entire ground level floor sits in darkness. From the stairway, Viktor can just make out the outline of Christophe and Masumi on the living room couch, cuddled up under a blanket with a half-empty bowl of popcorn and two glasses of something dark (probably just soda, but knowing Christophe it's probably been spiked with something.) The only source of light comes from their wall-mounted television, which is playing an old animated movie about aristocratic cats that Christophe loves to watch on an almost monthly basis.</p><p class="western">In the dark, Viktor sees Christophe snuggle closer into his boyfriend, head resting comfortably on Masumi's shoulder. He looks perfectly content, like he's having a very good time.</p><p class="western">Viktor pauses in the hallway, suddenly doubting his intentions. He didn't know they were having a quiet night in – he shouldn't disturb them with his presence.</p><p class="western">He turns to head back upstairs, but Christophe's voice stops him.</p><p class="western">“Viktor?”</p><p class="western">Inhaling deeply, Viktor turns back around and plasters a quick smile over his face. “Hey.”</p><p class="western">Christophe sits up and eyes Viktor with a worried look on his face. “What's up?”</p><p class="western">“Nothing, nothing. Was just coming downstairs for a drink.”</p><p class="western">“You sound off...”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, dehydration will do that to you. I just spent the last couple of hours talking non-stop.”</p><p class="western">“... No, it's not that.” Before Viktor can say anything, Christophe leans over to turn on a lamp. Viktor winces when the light flashes on, but not as hard as he does when he catches the flash of realization on Christophe's face.</p><p class="western">Masumi takes one look at Viktor, then turns to his partner. “Should I go?” he asks.</p><p class="western">“No, no, stay,” Viktor insists. “Don't let me interrupt you lovebirds. I was just about to head to bed, and - ”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Christophe interrupts.</p><p class="western">“... Yes?”</p><p class="western">“Sit down.”</p><p class="western">Viktor resists at first, frozen in place, but Christophe stares at him long and hard until Viktor drags himself over to a nearby chair and plops down.</p><p class="western">Masumi plants a quick kiss on Christophe's cheek, murmuring, “I'll wait upstairs” before he rises and leaves the room, leaving Viktor and Christophe alone.</p><p class="western">For a long moment, neither of them say anything. Viktor avoids Christophe's eyes, holds his breath in his chest on the slightest chance he accidentally lets out a sniffling noise or some other sound that will give his feelings away. He's not entirely sure why he's trying to hide it, though. It's not like Christophe can't see it all clearly on his face already.</p><p class="western">Not one to wait too long for a straight answer, Christophe breaks the quiet first.</p><p class="western">“So... Who were you talking to all evening?”</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows. “Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">Apprehension floods Christophe's features, and an old conversation suddenly hangs over them like a heavy cloud ready to rain. “Did he do something?”</p><p class="western">Viktor hastily shakes his head. “No, he didn't do anything wrong. I mean, he kinda said something, but it's not what you think.”</p><p class="western">“You're going to have to explain,” Christophe says with a small frown, “because, from where I'm sitting, it sounds like Yuuri did do something.”</p><p class="western">How to explain? Viktor rakes a hand through his hair while he searches for the words. What is there to say but what actually happened? He doesn't want to tell Christophe everything, but surely there's a way to be honest without getting into a conversation he's not ready to have.</p><p class="western">“He, uh. He called me beautiful.”</p><p class="western">Christophe blinks, and then in a slow release of tension, he lets out a breath and sinks back into the couch. “Holy shit, Viktor. Don't scare me like that. You came down here like the poor boy just shattered your heart!”</p><p class="western"><em>He sort of did</em>, Viktor almost says. Just not in the conventional way.</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” he apologizes. “I didn't mean to scare you.”</p><p class="western">“Apology accepted.” Head lolling back against the back of the couch, Christophe sends Viktor a more amused look as he inquires, “Sooooo. He just called you beautiful out of the blue, or ...?”</p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but tensen. Christophe is a good friend, one of the best Viktor's ever known, but there's plenty of things that even he doesn't know. Things Viktor doesn't want anyone to find out ever again.</p><p class="western">“Kinda? We were just... talking about some random stuff. He specifically said I'm one of the most beautiful people in the world.”</p><p class="western">“Wow. Very high praise from a boy who can barely look people in the eyes.” Christophe quickly adds, “And I mean this in a kind way, because there's no way that poor boy has ever taken his eyes off of you. He's also right, by the way.”</p><p class="western">Is Yuuri right? Viktor's not so sure.</p><p class="western">At Viktor's silence, Christophe gently asks, “I take it this broke your gay little heart?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs.</p><p class="western">Some of the amusement leaves Christophe's eyes. “Why were you crying? If anything, this is good news. We should be celebrating. Your crush thinks you're beautiful!”</p><p class="western">“I don't really feel like celebrating right now...”</p><p class="western">“Why not?”</p><p class="western">Viktor sucks in his next breath. “I know I should be happy – I am! My heart was ready to beat out of my chest when he said those things. But then a lot of old feelings came rushing back after Yuuri and I ended our call, and... I dunno. I feel like shit now.”</p><p class="western">“Old feelings?” Christophe's jaw tenses. “You don't mean old feelings about <em>him</em>, do you?”</p><p class="western">“Who else?” Viktor sighs. As if there's a long list of exes for him to trip over. He can count on one hand the number of people he's had a serious relationship with and still have three fingers and a thumb left.</p><p class="western">“Viktor...”</p><p class="western">“I know, I <em>know</em>. It's been years. I don't know what's wrong with me. A regular person would just get over this.”</p><p class="western">Christophe shakes his head. “No, it's not that. I'm not criticizing. He left an absolute dumpster fire in his wake for you to put out. No one just gets over something like that. I'm just sorry it's still hurting you now.”</p><p class="western">“... Me, too.” Viktor lowers his head, suddenly feeling too heavy to keep it up.</p><p class="western">“He doesn't deserve free real estate in your head.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just nods. He's done everything he can to throw the terrible freeloading thoughts and memories out. It's just not that simple.</p><p class="western">“Can I confess something?” Viktor quietly asks.</p><p class="western">“Of course. What's on your mind?”</p><p class="western">“I like Yuuri. A lot.”</p><p class="western">“That much was obvious.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's head snaps up. “No, I mean, I like him <em>a lot</em>. I thought I was attracted to him before, but it's nothing compared to now. He's so funny and charming, especially when he doesn't mean to be. I've never looked so forward to just <em>talking</em> to someone before. When we talk, it feels like he's talking to me, not just... not just whatever people think I am. I've never met anyone like him before.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Christophe says, slowly, “you haven't technically met him yet.”</p><p class="western">His words punch Viktor right in the gut. He can only nod, biting his lip. “I know. It's silly, isn't it? I have the biggest crush on a person I've never met. What kind of disaster is that?”</p><p class="western">“Well...” Christophe rights himself in his seat and leans forward, eyes steady on Viktor. “That's not to say you don't know each other. I'm just saying there's a physical component missing here. Sometimes that makes a difference. Not always, but sometimes.”</p><p class="western">“You're right...”</p><p class="western">Christophe eyes him carefully before asking, “Can I also say something?”</p><p class="western">Viktor returns the favour with a small, “Yes.”</p><p class="western">“I've noticed you've been a lot different lately. It's going to sound cliche, but you have so much more bounce in your step now. I don't want to say things were bad before you started talking to Yuuri, but you poured so much of your energy into impressing strangers on the internet, there was hardly anything left for you to be yourself. Maybe I'm wrong, but from my point of view, it looks like you're finding yourself again. You look like you're <em>enjoying</em> life again.”</p><p class="western">“It does feel like that,” Viktor agrees after a pause. His eyes sting at the admittance. What a pathetic thing to admit. He's spent so long, too long, avoiding anything that could have given any sense of joy, out of fear, out of shame, out of some need to protect himself from being hurt again. If his life is just work, work, work, than the only thing that can hurt him is himself.</p><p class="western">He's opened himself up now – and it's both thrilling and terrifying.</p><p class="western">Viktor's voice is a little choked as he says, “I love what I do. I have no regrets there. But I'd be lying if I said I haven't also been using work as a way to distance myself from everything.”</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts. “Who'd have thought a shy Japanese boy could get you to poke your head out of your shell again.”</p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but smile softly. “Maybe it's sad, but... I haven't felt this connected to anyone in a long, long time. It's almost like we're...”</p><p class="western">Christophe smiles as well. “Kindred spirits?” he supplies.</p><p class="western">“Maybe,” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western">“Kindred spirits” sounds close to how he feels, but it doesn't fully encompass it either. Maybe it's just the more romantic part of him whispering such notions into his ear, but Viktor can't help but feel like he and Yuuri were <em>meant</em> to know each other. Like this is the perfect place, the perfect time, the perfect circumstances.</p><p class="western">... Well, maybe not perfect <em>circumstances</em>. Not if he's still crying to himself because someone he previously loved never treated him anywhere near as well as a new crush does.</p><p class="western">“It's ridiculous, isn't it?” Viktor finds himself admitting out loud. “Getting so choked up because someone new has no problem saying something so meaningful to me, when someone who knew me for so much longer never wanted to.”</p><p class="western">“No. I think it just shows how much of a dick your ex was. He never gave a shit about you, only what you could do for him.”</p><p class="western">Viktor winces. “But literally crying over being called 'beautiful'...”</p><p class="western">“I mean, I'm not sure I would,” Christophe says with a shrug, “but if it means something especially important to you, than it's not silly.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's words stick in his throat, refusing to budge.</p><p class="western">It <em>does</em> mean something important to him, because as conventionally attractive as he knows he technically is, Viktor also feels ugly straight down to the core.</p><p class="western">Because that's what he is. That's what he would be if he gave back in to old urges. A man in a dress. He's tall, statuesque, with big hands and a strong jaw, and they're all things people immediately perceive about him and interpret no matter what he adorns his body with. No one who looks at him will ever see him the way he so strongly desires. All they will see is a man wanting to parade around with long lashes and flowing dresses, a public embarrassment to anyone who lays eyes upon him.</p><p class="western">There are days where he's fine with his more masculine traits, days where he even feels pretty good about them. On those days he can look in the mirror and say, “I'm a man,” accept all that it implies, and be content with that. Those days, thankfully, are more common than not.</p><p class="western">But the days where his body does feel out of sorts with who he is? They're unbearable. And the ways he used in the past to ease that discomfort are not even within his orbit anymore.</p><p class="western">For someone to think that, in spite of those things, he's beautiful anyway? Of course it breaks Viktor's heart.</p><p class="western">... Only Yuuri doesn't know the truth. He <em>can't</em> know the truth. Surely his opinion would also change if he did.</p><p class="western">Like <em>his</em> did.</p><p class="western">The thought fills Viktor with a dread he can hardly stand. He can't lose Yuuri, not when they're in the midst of getting to know each other.</p><p class="western">But how long can he hide himself? Can he manage to keep himself a secret forever?</p><p class="western">“I don't know what to do,” Viktor confesses out loud.</p><p class="western">“Tell him?” Christophe offers.</p><p class="western">Viktor almost laughs.</p><p class="western">“I'm serious.” Christophe tucks his legs beneath himself, making himself more comfortable on the couch. “You like Yuuri. He seems to like you quite a lot. Why not tell him? Normally I'd warn against you catching feelings as deep as this for him, but seeing as Yuuri is giving you some pretty nice compliments, I'd say things are looking in your favour.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's heart begins to beat again at the thought of actually telling Yuuri his feelings. He wets his lips and asks, “You think so?”</p><p class="western">“Well... it is Yuuri we're talking about, so maybe put some feelers out there first before you give him a giant speech about how in love with him you are. You're less likely to scare him off that way.”</p><p class="western">Viktor draws a knee up to his chest, resting his cheek against it. “Put some feelers out, huh?”</p><p class="western">As miserable as he'd felt as soon as their conversation ended, there had still been bliss. Yuuri makes him feel so good, so <em>happy</em>. The pain is worth it he can feel like that even half of the time. He'll gladly weather the storm of his emotions if it means more warm, sunny days for him to bask in.</p><p class="western">Especially if it means basking in them while in the arms of a very cute, very charming boy.</p><p class="western">How much warmer would he feel then, with Yuuri's body wrapped around his? The thought almost makes him shiver.</p><p class="western">Maybe Viktor couldn't keep himself a secret the first time – but he can do it now. He's wiser now. He learned his lesson the first time.</p><p class="western">So with a smile, Viktor says, “I'll think about it.”</p><p class="western">“Good. And while you're thinking about that...”</p><p class="western">Viktor lifts his head.</p><p class="western">“Maybe consider going back to therapy sometime soon?” Christophe suggests. “I'm not saying you shouldn't be crying over how well someone treats you, but it is a little alarming that you feel that strongly over being treated, well, <em>decently</em>. It's how you're supposed to be treated, not a treat you get once in a while for being on your best behaviour.”</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a face at the suggestion. “See, I know you're right, but do you remember the last therapist I had? She forgot literally everything I told her, so every session was like starting all over again. She cancelled sessions last minute and wouldn't contact me, so I'd show up only to find out she was elsewhere and not available. Not to mention she wouldn't stop asking me about my sex life.”</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts. “Oh, trust me, I remember. Susan's legacy will live on in our worst nightmares. But do give it some thought. I want to see you happy and well, whether you have a new boyfriend or not. And only you can make sure that happens. If you feel complicated things now, before you've even told Yuuri your feelings, there's no promising that they'll go away if you two do get together.”</p><p class="western">It's ominous, the warning. But Viktor knows Christophe is right, on more levels than one, in ways he isn't even aware of. So he nods his head and tells his friend that, again, he will give it some serious thought.</p><p class="western">For now, though... there are more urgent matters that he needs to attend to.</p><p class="western">Like figuring out just what exactly Yuuri's feelings are.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for how short this chapter is! But the next scene/s work better from Yuuri's POV, and this chapter is all angst, soooo best keep it short and to the point I think.</p><p>Susan is a real therapist I had years ago (that's not her actual name, if I told you her real name you would laugh because Reasons). She literally did all of those things and more. She was... something. Thankfully not all therapists are like this!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. what are my feelings?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, so I know JACK DIDDLY SHIT about business licenses and if you need them to be a cosplay guest at a con. I've tried googling around but I can't find much on that specific topic, and I'm not bothering a big name cosplayer for a small detail in a fanfic. So if I'm wrong, WHOOPS. The internet says you don't need a license to sell on etsy, which is where Phichit most likely sells their group prints, sooooo we're just gonna go with “they don't have/didn't need one until now, they'll find out off screen and we won't worry about it again because who cares.”</p><p>I also decided basically just of this chapter that some characters are gonna be aged up! Okay I've been thinking about it for a while but the decision has finally been made. It will just be a couple added years so that the younger characters are closer to University age/more independent and able to attend cons on their own. It will also hopefully make the group dynamic a little less awkward once everyone is together at Duetto Con. I'll list the new ages for the relevant characters below:</p><p>Phichit: 23</p><p>Guang Hong: 20</p><p>Leo: 22</p><p>Mila: 21</p><p>Minami: 19</p><p>Everyone else who appears in this fic is at the regular ages that they would be in 2017. :3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri's on his break at work when he gets a important message from Phichit in their group chat.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>GUYS</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>what, did your tracer body pillow finally ship</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>NO, IT'S WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri: </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's unbelievable</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YOU'RE GONNA SHIT YOUR PANTS</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wait where's Leo, he needs to be here!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>know what?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>he's in class rn, I'll just tell him to scroll up when he's free</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Fine, delayed surprise for Leo</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WE GOT INVITED TO BE GUESTS AT, DRUM ROLL PLS</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Insert drum roll noise here)</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>DUETTO CON!!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>!!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WHAT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>IKR?!?!?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ONE OF THEIR GUESTS HAD TO CANCEL LAST MINUTE BUT APPARENTLY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE REQUESTED US!!?!?!?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>holy shit we're famous!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YEAH</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>WE WERE ALREADY GONNA GO, BUT NOW WE GET TO GO FOR F R E E</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>OUR BADGES AND HOTEL ROOM WILL BE COMPED IF WE SAY YES!!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>sobs </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>free, FREEEEEEE</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The only thing is we'll have to stay an extra day because we'll have a guest table all weekend, so we can't do our usual “leave in the middle of Sunday” thing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So we'd be there until Monday morning at the latest</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But!!!! We're all gonna save money for basically a free weekend, so what's one extra night? We'll probably have to do some panels in exchange for it but HEY, FREE VACATION!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Can we all get the extra day off though?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I should be fine </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think Leo can manage too. classes are long over by then anyway and Leo's family is pretty good about giving time off work</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>and I can't see why he'd say no</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>it means a longer vacation!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Exactly!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I should be able to get the time off too, no problem</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What about you, Yuuri?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Minako will say yes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So long as we agree to send her the footage of the lip sync as per usual, she'll say yes to anything</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh!!! That reminds me!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The con also offered to bump up our request for our lip sync panel to be A MAIN EVENT</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Which means PRIME schedule time, PRIME space, PRIME EVERYTHING!! We'll get a big room and maybe cool lights and really good sound systems!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And a good crowd ; D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>lol we always get a good crowd, people eat this stuff up like candy</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, but now we'll have even MOAR people in the crowd because there'll be space for them!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI, SAY SOMETHING!!! PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE FREAKING OUT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, I promise, you are not the only one freaking out</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit: </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Buddyyyyyyyyy</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You always kill it on the stage. And think of how many new people are gonna see you dance for the first time! We might even get NEW Patrons!!!! MONEY, YUURI. MONEY! This is a great opportunity!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: (</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: (</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't have to reply to them right away, but think it over? </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We should wait for Leo to see this anyway, just in case there's a good reason to turn 'em down </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>good idea, you never know</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll email them to let them know we're talking it over and that we'll get back to them</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>They said they're announcing guests real soon though so we gotta get back to them as quickly as we can</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Phichit, wait</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm in</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just ignore me if I zone out real bad for like a few hours when I get home, this is a lot to take in</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're always allowed to change your mind! Just let me know before I give them an answer, I don't wanna come across all unprofessional</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll probably change my mind a million times between now and when you email them with our decision, just ignore me until the last minute</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol okay, can do</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS ALL SQUAD, GET BACK TO YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ah yes, my busy schedule of bingeing wolf's rain</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Why in the hell are you doing that to yourself</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>because tsume is hot</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is this better or worse than that time we binged all of Madoka Magica in a single night for Leo's birthday?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Worse</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Guang Hong:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>worse</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>asdfghjk</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Fair enough</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Leo:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What the hell why did you guys blow up my phone???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>SCROLL UP SCROLL UP</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><b>Guang Hong</b>:</p><p class="western">
  <em>scroll up!!!!!!!!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What they said</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Leo:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>... HOLY SHIT</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Aaaaaaaand sent!” Phichit sings out loud. He grins at Yuuri from over his tablet. “It's official, we're gonna be guests at Duetto Con!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri attempts something like a smile, yet it feels more like a grimace.</p><p class="western">It's been several days since they received the request from the con, which is not nearly a long enough period of time for Yuuri to fully process the concept that people <em>want</em> his group of friends to guest at their convention.</p><p class="western">Their group talked it over several times, but each time it came up, everyone just seemed more and more excited about it. Even if it means working a guest table over the weekend, some of the things they look forward to the most at a con are now undeniably going to be improved in ways they never once expected. Not to mention that there's the potential to make extra money at their table, which will cut back even more costs on their weekend vacation away.</p><p class="western">It's unanimous. Everyone's on board with the decision.</p><p class="western">Yuuri is, too. Technically. Even if he does keep eyeing the lifeboat off to the side. It doesn't make sense to say no, and he doesn't want his doubts to ruin his friends weekend, so he's just going to deal with it the best way he knows how: by not thinking about it at all.</p><p class="western">Or at least he's trying not to think about it. It's hard when your roommate keeps bringing it up.</p><p class="western">“This is so exciting!” Phichit practically wiggles in his spot on the couch. “We've never been guests at a big con before!”</p><p class="western">“Just a few of the local-ish ones,” Yuuri agrees vaguely.</p><p class="western">“Uh huh. There's no comparison. A con with a couple hundred attendees versus thousands? It's like we're climbing up the cosplay ladder!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's breath catches in his chest. “Yeah, this is... this is pretty huge.”</p><p class="western">Phichit lightly pokes Yuuri's knee with his socked toe. “Hey, do you think we'll need a business license to sell cosplay prints at our table? We can't show up without anything to sign. Think of how embarrassing that'd be!”</p><p class="western">“Uh, I honestly have no idea,” Yuuri says with a shrug. Would Viktor know? Maybe he should ask. Viktor runs a business for a living, he'd probably know the ins and outs. “Want me to ask Viktor?”</p><p class="western">Phichit hums. “If you want to, but I wanna see if I can figure it out on my own first. I'd hate to bother him with something we could find out on Google in under a minute.” He turns back to his tablet with a determined look in his eyes. “Don't worry, I got this. If we need one, we'll just apply ASAP.”</p><p class="western">“What prints are we even going to sell?” Yuuri asks. “I mean, I know we have some sets to choose from, but it's not like we're swimming in options.”</p><p class="western">Their group does dabble in making some cosplay prints available through an online storefront that Phichit manages, but it's not a constant, monthly thing like it is with other cosplayers like Viktor. It also tends to be the other members of their group that make newer prints for their store. Yuuri's never been one hundred percent comfortable with the idea of it. There's a handful of older prints of him – mostly of his Avatar Kyoshi, which for some reason really took off with the fandom a few years back – but Yuuri prefers to forget that they even exist. Or that they've been in the hands of complete strangers at that.</p><p class="western">If they're going to have prints of them for the con, then they technically will need to include Yuuri in the selection as well. Maybe even have prints of <em>just</em> him.</p><p class="western">(... Oh, god. <em>More</em> expectations. He's going to need to <em>sign them</em>, too. All while smiling and maintaining constant eye contact with who knows how many people.</p><p class="western">How does Viktor do it?!)</p><p class="western">Phichit waves his hand. “Don't worry, we've got tons of photo shoots to choose from. And if we need new stuff we can arrange something. We got time.”</p><p class="western">“... Right. Time.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's mumbling to himself as he reads a document he has pulled up on his tablet, something about taxes, but Yuuri for the most part tunes it out. It's too much to think about the actual logistics of being a guest and all that it implies. There's too many sudden and new expectations right now to even begin to consider.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri just sits on the couch, staring blankly in the general direction of their TV with unblinking eyes.</p><p class="western">“... ri? Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">“Yup?” Yuuri says from far away.</p><p class="western">“Do you know if Viktor's going?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri jerks his head in Phichit's direction. “What?”</p><p class="western">“I mean to Duetto Con. Has he mentioned it at all?”</p><p class="western">“No? We don't usually talk about that stuff.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's brow lifts high up. “Really? You mean you guys never talk about meeting up at a con or something?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows thickly. “Not exactly... it hasn't come up.”</p><p class="western">“Well, he is a big name guest. He's probably not allowed to tell people which cons he's attending until the con announces it anyway. We're not allowed to tell anyone yet, and we're practically newbies at this part.”</p><p class="western">The notion that, possibly, maybe, Viktor could attend the same con as Yuuri, the very same con they're going to attend a little more than a month away, makes Yuuri want to jump off their balcony.</p><p class="western">But he reminds himself that so many cons happen in July alone, there's absolutely no way Viktor would just happen to guest at the same con as them. What are the odds?</p><p class="western">“Yuuri? You look like you're going to be sick.”</p><p class="western">“I'm fine.”</p><p class="western">“If you say so.” Phichit shoots Yuuri a strange look from the other end of the couch. “You know... I thought you'd be excited to see Viktor in person, seeing as how you guys talk all day and night. What gives?”</p><p class="western">The hem of Yuuri's shirt, which has a thread sticking out from the inside, suddenly grab Yuuri's attention.</p><p class="western">Phichit's eyes remain on him, though. Yuuri can feel them burning into his skin. So he sighs and makes an attempt to explain himself.</p><p class="western">“It's not that I <em>don't</em> want to see him.”</p><p class="western">“I hear a silent 'but' in there.”</p><p class="western">“But...” Yuuri continues, “I dunno. Talking to him all day on my phone is different than being in the same room as him.”</p><p class="western">Phichit points out, “You guys video chatted the other day, though. You seemed fine then. That's as close to being in the same room as him as you're gonna get outside of actually being next to him.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “I know it doesn't make sense, but part of me still gets nervous about him. It's fine texting because there's still that physical distance, you know? I'm safe in here. If I need a moment to collect my thoughts and give him a good answer, I have that option. I can filter myself.”</p><p class="western">“Are you sure about that? Because I could hear you guys all the way from my room when you were video chatting. You sounded like you two get along great. You didn't sound like you were worrying over what to say.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tenses. “You could hear us?”</p><p class="western">“Weeellll,” Phichit draws out, “ I could hear, like, your tone and stuff, but not what you were actually saying.”</p><p class="western">Well, that's a relief. The conversation he'd had with Viktor over video chat was a little on the private side. Yuuri doesn't want to betray Viktor's privacy, not when the other cosplayer was being so vulnerable.</p><p class="western">Yuuri slinks down in his seat, mulling over his thoughts. “We do get along really well... we've only done it once, but video chatting was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.” He lets out a small sigh. “It's still different than being with him in person, though. I don't want him to meet me and think, 'wow, Yuuri's this boring and bland in real life?' I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's harder to disappoint someone from miles away.”</p><p class="western">“...Um, I hate to break it to you,” Phichit points out again, “but you can disappoint anyone from any amount of distance. That's really not how that works.”</p><p class="western">It's the wrong thing to say, because Phichit takes one look at Yuuri's face, and hastily adds, “But that's also the good news! It's been a while, you guys talk everyday, and you haven't disappointed him.”</p><p class="western">“That I know of,” Yuuri says with a wince.</p><p class="western">“You can't let your brain make things up when there's no evidence to support it.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sure there's evidence somewhere.”</p><p class="western">“It's not 'evidence' if it's your brain twisting your memories around on you,” Phichit deadpans.</p><p class="western">Yuuri just bites his lip.</p><p class="western">Phichit turns in his seat, tablet set aside for the moment. “Do you really think Viktor would wanna talk to you all day long if you secretly upset him all the time?”</p><p class="western">“...No?”</p><p class="western">“Exactly. Remember when we were sitting in these exact same spots, and you were freaking out because Viktor said you guys are friends?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri covers his face with his hands and groans. “I'm embarrassing.”</p><p class="western">“No, you're not. You freaked out a little, but it was the good kind! I could tell. Maybe you were really nervous, but you looked happy too, like you'd gotten the best news of your life.”</p><p class="western">“...I was happy,” Yuuri murmured, hands falling from his face. “<em>Am</em> happy,” he then corrected.</p><p class="western">“Of course you are. Being friends with him feels good, doesn't it?”</p><p class="western">“It does,” Yuuri says again, a touch of awe to his voice, like he can't believe what he's saying. How obvious and yet also confounding it all is. Who wouldn't be happy to be this close to Viktor? And why is it such a revelation to him?</p><p class="western">“Sooooooo,” Phichit draws out with a sly grin on his face, “just think how much happier you'll be if you get to hang out with him in person!”</p><p class="western">Just like that, Yuuri freezes on the spot.</p><p class="western">“I have to take Vicchan for a walk,” he says out of nowhere.</p><p class="western">“What? It's late, Yuuri – ”</p><p class="western">“He needs one. A nice, long walk before bedtime.”</p><p class="western">Phichit twists around in his seat to watch Yuuri as he gets up from the couch to go find Vicchan. “Yuuri, it <em>is</em> bedtime – ”</p><p class="western">But Yuuri just strides through the apartment, whistling for Vicchan to come find him.</p><p class="western">He eventually finds Vicchan settled underneath his bed, on a bundle of t-shirts Yuuri somehow forgot had fallen off his bed while he'd been folding laundry earlier that day. Vicchan stirs as his owner reaches beneath to pet him, eyes blinking up at him.</p><p class="western">“Walk?” Yuuri says. That's enough to get Vicchan to perk up with interest. He does a quick stretch, and dashes out from beneath the bed and towards the apartment entrance.</p><p class="western">Phichit's still in the living room, staring at Yuuri from over the couch with a small pout on his face.</p><p class="western">“Don't stay out too late,” he says.</p><p class="western">Yuuri waggles his phone in his hand as he reaches for the leash hanging on the wall. “Don't worry, I got my phone. Be back in twenty.”</p><p class="western">“Fiiiiiiine. Have a good walk.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's a warm and muggy June night, the heat heavy on Yuuri's skin, enough to create a thin sheen of sweat not even a minute after he's stepped outside. The sun set almost an hour ago, but left behind no cool relief. The sky is dark and clear and yet also with very few stars decorating it. For a brief moment it makes Yuuri long for home.</p><p class="western">On the bright side, there's no one else around on their street. Just Yuuri alone with his furry best friend. He doesn't have to deliberately avoid anyone's eye or force politeness for their benefit. He can just relax as best he can and go for a walk.</p><p class="western">Vicchan immediately tries to walk in the direction of the dog park, their usual route, but with some urging Yuuri is able to get Vicchan to take an alternate path. As much as he'd love to let Vicchan run around his favourite place, it's also too dark out, and he doesn't want to run into any chances of losing Vicchan in the night. Not even all of the nearby streetlamps or the tall chain link fence surrounding the park itself can alleviate his anxiety about that.</p><p class="western">Vicchan behaves well enough, huffing every now and then like he's displeased at the change of routine, but he doesn't try to dart in any other direction or pull Yuuri elsewhere. He walks at a steady and comfortable pace, ahead enough of Yuuri to not run into the risk of getting run over. It's almost surprising just how well behaved Vicchan is tonight. Yuuri almost suspects that Vicchan understands on a subconscious level how much Yuuri also needs some space and fresh air to clear his messy head, but who knows.</p><p class="western">Left to the stillness of their empty street, Yuuri is also left to his circling thoughts.</p><p class="western">“<em>Being friends with Viktor feels good, doesn't it?”</em></p><p class="western">It shouldn't come as a surprise, but it does feel good. Being friends with Viktor feels good in ways Yuuri never could have anticipated.</p><p class="western">That was never the problem, though. The problem is that there's something decidedly <em>different</em> about that feeling than the feelings he has for his other friends.</p><p class="western">He's not a particularly touchy person, but these days Yuuri often finds himself thinking about touching Viktor. Nothing egregious, just... wondering what Viktor's hair feels like in real life, would it <em>could</em> feel like beneath Yuuri's hand as he brushes it out of Viktor's bright eyes. He finds himself wondering if Viktor's skin looks as soft and firm as it does in photos. Viktor works out, this much he knows. It's not photo edits that make Viktor's waist so trim, or his arms and legs toned and strong looking.</p><p class="western">He can't quite picture ever actually touching Viktor, but he sure thinks about it a lot. Way more than what a normal friend would.</p><p class="western">It kind of reminds Yuuri of how Phichit talks about casual friends he's had over the years. Little comments about how attractive they are, how much he likes their arms or their eyes or thighs, or how their lips feel when they kiss –</p><p class="western"><em>But it's not like that</em>, Yuuri thinks. He doesn't – he doesn't think about <em>kissing</em> Viktor. It's not the same.</p><p class="western">... Isn't it?</p><p class="western">As if to test himself, Yuuri deliberately pictures Viktor's lips, how they looked during their video chat earlier that week. He pictures the way they shaped words, the peak of tongue, the gentle curve of his cupids bow, the fullness of his bottom lip, the soft shine where the light meets it –</p><p class="western">In the dark, Yuuri flushes hard enough to turn his whole face beat red. He feels <em>odd</em>, but he's not entirely sure where the source of said feeling comes from.</p><p class="western"><em>You're objectifying your idol, of course you feel weird</em>, Yuuri silently chastises himself.</p><p class="western">He's never felt comfortable thinking about people in that way, especially people he doesn't know very well, or at all. It almost feels disrespectful. Like he's encroaching on someone else's personal space. He hates it when people do that to him, so why would he do it to anyone else, even if it's only in his own mind?</p><p class="western">... Still. He's been thinking a lot these days. Thinking about a lot of things he doesn't normally concern himself with.</p><p class="western">It can't be a crush, though. Yuuri's never had one before. And Viktor... he's always been special in Yuuri's mind and heart, long before they ever got to talking. So who is to say that those feelings can't also be uncommon? Crushes are common for everyone else, so intertwined with the human experience of all the people around him. It couldn't be that.</p><p class="western">Except... how would he know if he's never had one?</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost wishes he could just ask Viktor about it. What a crush feels like, or what it's like to completely fall for someone. Why he feels like he shouldn't stare at Viktor too long, and yet always finds himself unable to look away. He wishes he could just describe all the strange thoughts and feelings that have been swarming inside him and get a clear answer back. Viktor would know what he's feeling. Someone as worldly and experienced as Viktor would probably know just about everything.</p><p class="western">But he can't ask Viktor those questions... can he?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's stepping back inside his apartment – lights off except for the one in the doorway, Phichit nowhere to be seen – when his pocket suddenly vibrates.</p><p class="western">Taking care to release Vicchan from his leash first, Yuuri rights himself up and slips his phone out of his pocket. It's a Twitter notification. Yuuri doesn't need to check to know who it is.</p><p class="western">In spite of the unease of his thoughts, Yuuri's heart still picks up at the realization that Viktor messaged him.</p><p class="western">Viktor's been busy all day doing the final preparations for a convention he's attending this weekend. He messaged Yuuri early in the morning, warning him that he'd be away from his phone most of the day, making sure he had everything ready to go for an early trip the next morning. Yuuri understood completely; it's always good to pack up and do as much prep as you can before the actual day you leave. It's Viktor's livelihood, after all. He has to be prepared for everything.</p><p class="western">It's been hours since they last talked. Not that Yuuri's keeping track.</p><p class="western">Smiling softly in the dim light of the doorway, Yuuri unlocks his phone and checks the message.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>All done! (/^▽^)/</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I almost lost an entire stack of new prints, but I found them! I must have misplaced them last night when I was sorting through my collection</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Glad you found them! Wouldn't wanna miss out on sales lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nope! Not when I need to pay for a certain someone's toys and treats</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How're you? What have you been up to?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, you know. This and that</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ooooh, this and that huh? Wouldn't want to disturb you from something so mysterious~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. He walks into his bedroom and closes the door behind him.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, no, disturb away. It's really not as fun as you think</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's next message confuses Yuuri.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Disturb, huh?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There's a minute or so of the three dots of a message in progress appearing and disappearing. Yuuri watches them, wondering what's up for Viktor to be rewriting his message. It's not like him. He's only like that when he's opening up about something.</p><p class="western">Usually something painful.</p><p class="western">Worried, Yuuri flops down onto his bed and stares up at his phone, waiting.</p><p class="western">And then Viktor's next message comes through.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is it okay if I ask a personal question?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cosplay notes:</p><p>Conventions are not a one size/one type affair! They come in many different sizes and, for lack of a better word, flavours. The experience you're getting at a middle sized sci-fi/fantasy convention will undoubtedly be a little different than one you'll get from, same, San Diego Comic Con, or a small local anime con. One is not better than the other necessarily, but some cons will cater better to your interests than others, which is why if you try one and find it doesn't fit you, I recommend trying out a different one.</p><p>This is also a good opportunity to bring up that there's also two types of conventions: ones that are run by fans for fans, and ones that are run by big businesses to do major advertising of their properties. San Diego Comic Con is the latter – it's why you have SO many professional guests and people from many pop culture industries there, all showing off new stuff you expect in the coming year/s. Line-ups are absolutely terrible at those – you'll wait nearly all day to get into ONE panel and miss most of the convention! – but if you're really into finding out new info before everyone else, then that's the place to be. People also really bring out their A-game cosplays there, so it's a great spot to see some really cool, internet-famous-worthy stuff.</p><p>Fan run cons, on the other hand, while often also have big name professional guests, aren't there to advertise things to you. They're there to celebrate the geeky shit you love in all the ways you want. There's a lot of huge fan run cons as well, but they also make up a lot more of the middle sized and smaller cons that you'll see sprout up everywhere. BUT! Fan run cons are how nerdy conventions all started in the early 1900s in the sci-fi scene. It's also were we have documentation of the first ever seen cosplayers ; D (or at least cosplayers as we know them in this context. People have always dressed up throughout human history for a variety of reasons!) We wouldn't have major conventions without groups of nerds deciding “let's all hang out together at the same location for a day/few days!” NERDS BUILT THIS CITY. BECAUSE OF NERD FEELINGS.</p><p>With all that said, Duetto Con is a middle-to-large sized anime con that is run by fans. I'll explain more of what that experience is like in the fic itself~</p><p>I should also note, just in case, that none of the cons listed in-fic are real. I'm making them all up, though I am basing a lot of things about them off of real conventions!</p><p>EDIT: I changed it so that the group now has comped guest passes AND hotel rooms for their weekend at Duetto Con! I'll clairify this in the next posted chapter as well so readers will be kept up to speed on this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. I'm an idiot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for some internalized issues/struggle with asexuality/demisexuality</p><p>Nerd notes for this chapter:</p><p>A triforce is a famous/iconic symbol from The Legend of Zelda. It's composed of three triangles that make up one big triangle, and each part represents something different that's associated with three creation goddesses (power, wisdom, and strength).</p><p>I mention two different races from The Legend of Zelda in this chapter: Zora and Hylian. The Zora are a fish/amphibian based species in LOZ that live in rivers; they have different aesthetics/looks depending on which game you look at, but in BOTW there's lots of shark and whale inspiration taken. The Hylians are a human/elf-like based race. It's basically what Link and Zelda are.</p><p>I know ATLA is on a huge resurgence right now, but the references to “moon" and "Yue” in this fic refer to a completely different character. He's a moody, silver-haired, androgynous grump nugget. He is also, of course, in usual CLAMP fashion, absolutely gorgeous. Please google him.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Viktor's heart is thundering in his ears as he waits for a response.</p><p class="western">He doesn't know what finally pushed him to do this. Several days of thinking the question over? A day of barely talking to Yuuri and wondering on and off about what he was up to? Constantly rewatching old videos on Yuuri's group Youtube channel late at night and wondering what it could be like to be with Yuuri in person? A good almost two months of intense, gay yearning?</p><p class="western">Who is he kidding. It's all of it.</p><p class="western">He's a fool in love. Anyone can see that.</p><p class="western">And he needs to know if, maybe, possibly, Yuuri feels anything for him as well.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's response isn't immediate. There's a few minutes of nothing, not even a sign of a reply in the making. Viktor reasons that Yuuri just hasn't seen the message yet. He might be letting Vicchan out, or is elsewhere in his apartment, away from his phone. Or, given that it's late, it could be that he fell asleep.</p><p class="western">God, Viktor hopes not. He can't wait till morning for an answer. He knows he won't sleep a wink if he has to.</p><p class="western">Eventually, those three dots appear in the bottom corner. The tension in Viktor's body builds, feels like a rubber band pulled taught and ready to snap at any second.</p><p class="western">Yuuri replies.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sure?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lip. Okay. Okay, just... just type the question out. Get it over with. Christophe said to put some feelers out, so he'll start with that. That seems like the safest way to go without dragging it out too long. He's not one to dance too long around the point, and, given what he knows about Yuuri, he knows the other boy isn't too fond of it either.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you single right now?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor hits send, and then waits the longest five minutes of his life.</p><p class="western">And he knows that it's exactly five minutes because he watches the DM screen and the digital clock up at the corner of his phone simultaneously.</p><p class="western">Suddenly his bed feels uncomfortable beneath him as he lies there watching his phone like a hawk, his pillow too soft under his head, bed oddly stiff, even though he's never had that problem before. He rolls over onto his other side and grabs another pillow to swap his out with. It does little to help. Everything just feels wrong.</p><p class="western">Makkachin stirs near his feet at his movement, letting out a snort in her sleep. Well, at least she's comfortable.</p><p class="western">Viktor's phone vibrates at Yuuri's response.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, yeah?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Feel free to laugh but I'm not exactly the dating type</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">... What?</p><p class="western">Viktor squints at his phone, stomach twisting into knots. What does that even mean? Yuuri is always full of surprises – Viktor loves that about him – but this one doesn't exactly fill him up with delighted butterflies. Most people would just say “yeah, I'm available,” or maybe jokingly moan about how hard the single life is. Even when dating doesn't go well, people are still into the <em>idea</em> of dating.</p><p class="western">It can't be a lack of interest, can it? Christophe said Yuuri's not straight. That implies interest somewhere, right?</p><p class="western">Dread flooding Viktor's body like a sinking ship, he hastily types his question out.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You mean you aren't interested in dating at all?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, not exactly</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just don't really date people</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There's never been anyone I was interested in doing that with</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">... No. No, that can't be right. Viktor must be reading it all wrong. He couldn't have mistaken all of Yuuri's more flirtatious comments for just everyday, friendly joking.</p><p class="western">Except Yuuri's next message only cements what Viktor fears most.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I tried dating a girl from school because Phichit said she liked me and thought we'd be a cute couple. I was kinda curious so I thought “okay, I'll try, maybe I just need to give it a chance.” I guess it went okay, but I felt so far away the whole time</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We only had like three dates before I called the whole thing off</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>She stopped talking to me right after that and I don't really blame her, I was probably terrible at the whole thing now that I think about it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Dating just isn't really my thing I guess</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor stares blankly at his phone, not feeling anything.</p><p class="western">Not that there's nothing to feel, but there's just so much that it somehow all cancels each other out. All Viktor can do is reread Yuuri's words over and over, not processing them fully, not able to think anything except a pained mantra of, “I was warned, I was <em>fucking warned</em>.”</p><p class="western">How many other people have subtly inquired – or, God help them, out right asked – only to get this same exact answer?</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't have the time or space to begin accepting reality; Yuuri continues to message him, unaware of how much Viktor's hopes and dreams are in the process of being shattered into tiny, cutting pieces.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>...That's weird, isn't it? Almost everyone I know complains when they're single and acts like it's the worst thing ever, but I've never been too bothered</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But I know I should be</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor winces at those words. He can hear the insecurity in Yuuri's voice, the doubt, perhaps even some shame thrown in for good measure. Viktor would know, he's an expert with that last emotion in particular.</p><p class="western">What else can Viktor do but latch directly onto Yuuri's struggle, make it the focus, make it the only thing that matters right now? Because if anyone is going to hurt in this moment then it's sure as hell not going to be Yuuri. Viktor won't let that happen.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't think it's weird at all</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know if this will help, but there was a really long time where I never wanted to look at another person, let alone be in a relationship</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The thought of it actually made me sick to my stomach for quite a few years</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's probably not the same thing you're describing, but I still think it makes sense to not want to be with anyone</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's reply nearly trips after Viktor's with how quickly it comes in.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But it's weird to not want to be with someone, isn't it? To not even try and find that person? People are always saying to me, “you'll find someone when the time is right,” but I don't know if that time will ever exist for me</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know if I'm capable of this stuff</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There must be something wrong with me</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's heart squeezes tightly with sympathy.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, Yuuri </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There could never be anything wrong with you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know about that...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Let me frame like this then: I know the world obsesses over sex and romance, but do you honestly want it for yourself?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There's no sense seeking out something you don't actually desire</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If you're genuinely not interested, then you might just be saving yourself and other people a lot of needless heartache</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's the thing, though</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think I want it? Being alone is fine too, I'm pretty content with what I get out of my friendships, but sometimes I think about what it would be like to fall for someone and it sounds really nice</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I've never felt like that before though. I don't think I'd know what a crush would feel like it came up and slapped me on my ass</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor allows himself a long, quiet moment of acceptance.</p><p class="western">“... Well,” he says out loud to himself, “I guess that's the answer, isn't it?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri definitely doesn't have a mutual crush on him, then. And the odds of him ever being interested are slim to none.</p><p class="western">Viktor thinks he should be crying. He should be tossing his phone aside, burying his face into his pillow, and drowning out any and all noises he might make for all the now lost daydreams he's spent too long fostering in his head.</p><p class="western">But he doesn't feel anything. He's just numb.</p><p class="western">Maybe that's a blessing in disguise. How humiliating would it be to cry over something he never even had a chance with?</p><p class="western">It doesn't even occur to Viktor to be angry or upset <em>at</em> Yuuri, either. It's not Yuuri's fault Viktor is a hopeless romantic who put a lot of feelings into something imaginary. Yuuri is innocent. Yuuri is allowed to not be interested. There were times Viktor felt certain Yuuri was flirting back, but it's clear now that Viktor misinterpreted the cues. And that's on him.</p><p class="western">After all, who wouldn't be friendly and receptive to their idol? He should've been more aware of that, more careful –</p><p class="western">No – he can't let himself think that. Yes, he <em>is</em> Yuuri's idol, but they're still friends. Something has built up between them over the last couple of months, even if... even if it's not exactly what Viktor desperately wants.</p><p class="western">Viktor's phone goes off several times in succession; Yuuri's still talking.</p><p class="western">Viktor slowly turns his head and looks down at his phone, weighing the pros and cons of continuing this conversation as it is or if it would be safer to just... end it now. Change the subject. Or just go to bed and (attempt to) start fresh in the morning. He's allowed to do that. Yuuri won't question Viktor suddenly feeling too tired to keep talking. He knows Viktor has to get up early for a long trip. They can forget all about this by tomorrow.</p><p class="western">Or, at least Yuuri can.</p><p class="western">So long as one of them does.</p><p class="western">But because he's a sucker for punishment, Viktor unlocks his phone to respond to whatever it is Yuuri's trying to tell him.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey, Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Maybe this is too much but</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Can I ask you a personal question too?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That raises Viktor's brow.</p><p class="western">He can't say no to Yuuri, though. He's not sure he ever could.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Of course</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What do you want to know?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What does a crush feel like?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, I figure you must have dated lots of people</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You must have lots of experience</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but let out a small, humorless laugh. Wow. It looks like he's not the only one with a inaccurate perception of the other. He wonders what else they've both misread about one another. They've been talking every day for a while now, but there's still plenty neither of them know.</p><p class="western">Does he tell Yuuri the truth? He hasn't had the greatest luck with love. Unsatisfying hook-ups and one, horrendous failure of a relationship that dragged itself too long into the dirt really don't count for much. Not for anything helpful, anyway. Someone else with more balanced experiences could give Yuuri a better, more nuanced answer. That's the kind of answer Yuuri deserves.</p><p class="western">But Yuuri's asking him.</p><p class="western">So, sadly, Viktor can only give what he personally knows.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's a little different for everyone</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But I can say that a healthy crush feels really good, like you're floating up in the clouds, like nothing can hurt you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You just feel so much all at once. It's a high you keep on chasing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>All you want to be is close to the person you like</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Does it ever feel... bad?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It can</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>When it's good, things that would normally sound like they'd feel bad, like your stomach being full of butterflies, are actually more on the pleasant side</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But when things go wrong, it can feel awful</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>... What does that feel like?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor almost can't bring himself to answer. But he does.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It feels like...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Like you're not really worth anything after all</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The next morning, Christophe eyes Viktor up and down as they pack up his car for their road trip. Viktor does his best not to acknowledge it, attention firmly on properly stuffing all of his gear and merch into the backseat and trunk. He gives a particularly hard push at a large box that has decided it doesn't want to fit snugly inside the back like he wants it to, grunting with the effort.</p><p class="western">“Did you sleep last night?” Christophe asks.</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Viktor says. An hour or two technically counts.</p><p class="western">“You look exhausted.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums. “Was up late getting ready for today.”</p><p class="western">After a second glance over, Christophe shakes his head and says, “I'm driving, then. You should get more sleep on the way there.”</p><p class="western">“But...”</p><p class="western">“No buts. We'll get some coffee and breakfast for the road, but I expect some loud, restful Z's as soon as we hit the highway.”</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs. He's too worn out to argue it. “Fine.”</p><p class="western">After letting Makkachin out one last time, they leave their usual note for the pet sitter on the table by the doorway and lock up. They get into the car, Viktor adjusting his seat to get as comfortable as possible. Christophe hands him a light, forest green blanket that's patterned with golden-yellow triforces all over. Viktor's had it for years. He brings it along on all of his con trips. Admittedly, it does comfort him a little bit to have it covering him now.</p><p class="western">Christophe starts up the engine, but before he pulls out of the driveway, he turns and asks Viktor, “Is there anything you need to talk about?”</p><p class="western">“Nope,” Viktor says, staring out his passenger-side window. “Nothing at all.”</p><p class="western">“... Okay, then.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The start of the convention weekend is a giant blur.</p><p class="western">It's a familiar feeling all things considered, but it's not one Viktor takes much comfort in.</p><p class="western">He can't let his feelings distract him from his livelihood, though. He's a grown adult, not a teenager experiencing his very first heart break.</p><p class="western">So Viktor smiles at every attendee that comes to greet him, who comes to buy prints and merch from his table, signing the former with his usual flourish and sometimes even wink, and he makes <em>damn</em> sure he's always pleasant and professional whenever he needs to attend a panel he's been invited to. He's being paid to bring his best, and his best is what he brings.</p><p class="western">Prince Sidon, being one of his newer costumes, is among the selection he brings along with him for the weekend to show off for the masses. Viktor finds himself glad for it when he dons it that early Friday morning. Costumes where he can hide as much of himself beneath his craft are some of the most relieving things to wear. The less of himself he has to see in the mirror some days, the better. The less of him showing, the more complete the illusion.</p><p class="western">And, boy, does he ever not want to look at himself right now.</p><p class="western">Sidon also helps alleviate some of his low mood the moment the face paint and spandex are all perfectly in place. Like someone else has stepped into his shoes, is willing to carry the weight of him for a day so that he can escape from himself for a short period of time. Sidon, after all, is strong in ways Viktor isn't: emotionally honest, willingly vulnerable, completely unafraid to be himself and to bare his soul to a newcomer in his life. Even when the world is falling apart and his people suffer, he still smiles and sees opportunity where it presents itself.</p><p class="western">Sidon may also be immediately charmed and enthralled with a small, androgynous Hylian, but Viktor likes to think Sidon is also smart enough to not let his Zora heart be broken by them. He certainly seems fine when Link carries on his journey without him.</p><p class="western">Being able to put Sidon on and pretend for nearly ten hours that he's anything but himself is something Viktor desperately needs in that moment.</p><p class="western">Because perhaps the hardest part of the weekend for him is that Viktor doesn't – <em>can't</em> – message Yuuri very much.</p><p class="western">He wants to. Very much so, out of both habit and his fruitless pining. Yet he knows it's not a good idea to be so attached to his phone while he's working and putting on a constant, weekend-long show for the public. It looks bad if he's not attentive and engaged.</p><p class="western">He also knows it's not a good idea to be constantly talking to a boy who, accidentally, inadvertently, kind of broke his heart. It only invites trouble and, potentially, more heartbreak.</p><p class="western">It doesn't make the longing any less intense.</p><p class="western">Especially when Viktor wakes up that Friday morning to a sweet, oblivious <em>“Good morning!”</em> message from him. Viktor does reply, and then, because he knows what will happen if he doesn't, he warns Yuuri that he'll be away from his phone for the remainder of the day.</p><p class="western"><em>I'll get back to you later</em>, Viktor tells him. <em>It's gonna be a busy weekend. I might be away from my phone the whole time.</em></p><p class="western"><em>That's okay! I hope you have lots of fun, </em>Yuuri messages back. <em>Have a good con, Viktor!</em></p><p class="western">It chokes Viktor up a little bit when he thinks about it over the course of the day. Honestly, Yuuri is too much of a sweet person.</p><p class="western">It might be the hardest part about his silent heartache: the fact that he can't just tell Yuuri how much he's hurting. He's not going to burden Yuuri with his unwanted feelings. Not when it's his own fault.</p><p class="western">He can't talk to Christophe about it, either. Shame and humiliation sew his lips tightly shut, and it's all he can do but smile and say, “I'm fine” when Christophe inquires. His roommate keeps looking at him like he can see what's brewing inside, but Viktor just carries on with his usual routine. What else can he do but keep moving forward?</p><p class="western">Friday passes, bleeds almost seamlessly into Saturday. He wears another costume – a major, complicated King Bowser build that Viktor made earlier that year, heavy with weathered looking armour and a giant helmet and back-shell – but it's more or less the same day to him. Nothing different except the shell Viktor's decided to hide himself in.</p><p class="western">Oh, well. The money is good, and the attendees are happy.</p><p class="western">What else matters?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Are you really just going to lie there all night?”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks up from his phone. He's lying on his side, aimlessly browsing his most used social media sites, wasting whatever is left of his Saturday night before he can reasonably go to bed.</p><p class="western">Christophe, who was in the process of getting ready to go out to the hotel bar on the bottom level, stands next to Viktor's bed with a hand on his hip and a brow perfectly raised.</p><p class="western">“Yeah?” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western">“You've been quiet all weekend.”</p><p class="western">“Not all weekend. I've chatted with hundreds of people.”</p><p class="western">“That's work, and you know that's not what I mean.” Christophe jerks his head towards the door. “Come with me? I'm gonna go meet up with some friends. I could introduce you.”</p><p class="western">“Hm. I'm good.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor...”</p><p class="western">But Viktor just plasters a smile on his face and says, firmly, decisively, “Have fun for me.”</p><p class="western">Christophe frowns, obviously displeased by the rejection, but he shakes his head and mumbles a small, “Later, then.” And then he's right out the door, leaving Viktor to himself.</p><p class="western">Viktor lets out a long, tired sigh. He stares vaguely towards the balcony. The blinds are drawn, blocking out the festive lights of the exterior of the convention center, but Viktor can hear the commotion outside, hear loud laughing and shouts, the distant booming of music. He doesn't need to look out over the balcony to know that, even at 10 PM on a Saturday, people are still out there dressed up as their favourite characters, still partying, and planning to do so until the wee hours of the next day.</p><p class="western">There's so much unbridled joy out there – but in here, in his hotel room, Viktor is just miserable.</p><p class="western">Fuck. What a weekend this has been.</p><p class="western">Some terrible, self-punishing part of him wants to reply to the message Yuuri left hours ago, which had been a simple, <em>“I miss cons, I haven't been to one since Chihoko Con,”</em> but he can't bring himself to do it.</p><p class="western">The offhand reminder of Chihoko Con stings in a way Viktor didn't anticipate.</p><p class="western">Oh, well. He has the perfect excuse of being busy all weekend, so it's not like there's pressure to respond. Yuuri understands how hectic cons can get.</p><p class="western">Some quiet time alone is probably good for him, anyway.</p><p class="western">Viktor considers getting up and going over his inventory – he should be doing that, all things considered – but he did most of it earlier, usually keeps up with it over the course of the day, and his body doesn't feel like even sitting up, let alone getting off of his hotel bed.</p><p class="western">So he just goes back to his phone.</p><p class="western">He opens up Twitter. Immediately, the first thing he sees at the top of the feed is an announcement from the Terra Incognita account:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>It's stream night! We're finishing up our CCS costumes. Come join our Patreon and see what you're all missing out on~</b>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The image posted along with the text is of Phichit doing the Will Smith meme pose, hands open up wide and directing the audience to look at a sewing mannequin that's covered in what looks to be the half-completed costume of the moon Clow guardian Yue. The tweet was posted a few hours ago, but Viktor's been to several streams, and he knows how long these tend to go for this group. It's probably still going, if maybe about to wrap up for the night soon.</p><p class="western">... Should he go watch the remainder of it?</p><p class="western">No, Viktor quickly decides. Better to keep his distance for the moment.</p><p class="western">Except, as if the universe has heard his quiet pain, as if it wants to intervene, Viktor's phone then vibrates with a new Twitter notification. It startles Viktor bad enough to almost knock the phone right out of his hand and onto the floor.</p><p class="western">“The fuck?” he mumbles.</p><p class="western">But then his eyes widen when he sees who it's from.</p><p class="western">Yuuri.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(Loudly clears throat and gestures broadly at the “Oblivious Heartbreaker Yuuri Katsuki” tag)</p><p>Was that tag well-earned? I wonder~</p><p>It gets better from here, don't worry. We're officially entering some serious thirst territory from Yuuri's end.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. but I'm an idiot who keeps trying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>IMPORTANT NOTE: so I made a small edit in chp 12. It's a minor change but everyone is getting comped guest badges AND hotel rooms when they get to Duetto Con. I figure it's a big/successful enough con that that'd be no problem for them. ;3 The dialogue at the start of the scene barely changes so feel free to not go back and reread, you're not missing anything important other than the added detail and one or two lines altered for consistency.</p><p>Cosplay notes for this chapter:</p><p>A heat gun is basically what it sounds like, only it shoots out hot hair. In cosplay it's normally used to mold/shape foam; foam will hold the shape you mold it into when you get it hot and let it cool down in that form. You can use a hair dryer for this purpose but I dunno if it's anywhere near as effective. Similarly, hair dryers are also great for heating wig fibers into certain shapes, or into standing up into gravity defying hair styles and spikes. You have to be VERY careful though because not all wigs are made equally! You can end up melting the fibers of a wig if you get them too hot and then it turns yucky and gross and you can no longer do anything with it.</p><p>A “party room” is just a hotel room where tons of con-goers come party/get drunk. God help you if you're a quiet/normal hotel room and you happen to be next to one of these. Or if you want a quiet room but your roommates turn your room into a party one anyway. (8 (/has been there several times)</p><p>A (Mobile Suit) Gundam is a giant robot where a person sits inside and controls the suit. Gundam in general is a loooong ass, complex series about war and politics and such. Or, uh, in some cases, about little kids building robots and playing games with them? Ah, the joys of being a super successful and very old franchise with a bajillion spin-offs.</p><p>The description of a Sephiroth cosplayer with the armload of McDonalds is a reference to a famous image of a Sephiroth cosplayer standing at a McDonalds counter, ordering and making the person behind the counter uncomfortable. The image went viral and is really easy to find if you wanna google it.</p><p>Oh, if you do google this btw, you WILL also find cosplayers who are dressed up as Sephiroth mashed together with Ronald McDonald. Yes, this is a thing that happened. It is amazing.</p><p>(Sephiroth, for those who don't know, is from Final Fantasy 7.)</p><p>Kiki, Sheeta, and Howl are all from Studio Ghibli movies (Kiki's Delivery Service, Castle in the Sky, and Howl's Moving Castle respectively.) If you for some reason you haven't watched these yet, you totally should! They're pure magic to watch</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“I really should not check that,” Viktor says out loud to himself.</p><p class="western">Only there's no one else in the room, no one and nothing to stop him from his own impulse control. And it's weak, ever so weak when it comes to a new message from Yuuri.</p><p class="western">So in spite of his better judgment, Viktor taps on the notification, and he opens the message.</p><p class="western">It's a selfie. Phone angled a little above head level, Yuuri smiles up into the camera, a hand held up close to his face with a V for victory. He looks pretty happy in the photo, fairly relaxed. He's not the only one smiling in the photo either; Phichit, Leo, and Guang Hong can be seen in the background, sitting on the carpeted floor of Yuuri's living room, which has been covered in thick layers of newspaper and cardboard for the group to work safely on. Everyone waves enthusiastically at the camera, like they're greeting an old, treasured friend. Even Vicchan, who sits on the unused computer chair in the background, looks up into the camera, head tilted and ears lifted with open curiosity. The computer the group uses to stream glows brightly above and behind the small pupper.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares at everyone for a long, long moment.</p><p class="western">He then inspects the photo more closely, curious as to how the groups nightly stream has made out. From the looks of it, everyone is close to finishing up, if not already completely done. Viktor makes out two pairs of finished angel-like wings leaning against the wall next to the balcony doors, both of them constructed out of long, white feathers. Sitting on the table – which has been shoved off to the side to make room for everyone - are two sets of foam helmets and breastplates, painted and weathered to look on the more realistic side.</p><p class="western">After Viktor gets his fill of studying the costume pieces, his eyes trail over the less obvious details. Such as the hot glue guns strewn about the room, one of which is still plugged into a wall socket next to a lone hair dryer. (Viktor guesses it's their stand in for a heat gun.) There's even a few half-empty bags of hot glue sticks for good measure. Several tubes of silver and black paint – as well as a large tub of primer, oh thank God, they primed their work – can be seen alongside dirty paint brushes that are resting in old food containers filled with now dirtied water.</p><p class="western">And, as the <em>pièce de résistance</em>, the odd white feather can be found on all sorts of surfaces can be found <em>all</em> around the room.</p><p class="western">It's quite the picture. It's not quite “a tornado hit us and this is the devastation left in its wake,” but it's pretty damn close.</p><p class="western">The selfie is filled with things Viktor can instantly relate to: the high of finishing a big costume, the massive mess that inevitably follows.</p><p class="western">It also features something Viktor hasn't experienced in years: working on a project as complex as this with a group of good friends, and having it come to full fruition.</p><p class="western">Everyone looks so proud of themselves. They must be, to have finished everything <em>not</em> on the eve of a convention weekend. Now they'll have time to relax and enjoy their free time until whenever they plan to debut their work to the world.</p><p class="western">It's a great photo. And Yuuri sits at the center of it, the focal point of it all.</p><p class="western">It hurts to see how obviously happy Yuuri is. How life moves on whether or not Viktor is a part of it. The feeling is not all that different from the one he gets listening to all the other con goers outside his hotel room having a blast, living in a world completely separate from his. And yet Viktor can't help but smile sadly back at the photo anyway. He's glad Yuuri is having a good time, taking joy in his hobbies with his friends.</p><p class="western">A message follows beneath the photo. Viktor braces himself for whatever it might say.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey, Viktor! I hope you're having lots of fun at the con. Stream night isn't the same without you hanging around</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If you're asleep right now then I hope you have a great day tomorrow</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>&lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's breath catches in his chest.</p><p class="western">Wait. Does... does Yuuri miss him? And is that really a heart emoticon at the bottom? Yuuri's never done that before.</p><p class="western">No, nuh uh, he's obviously reading too much into it, Viktor knows he is. He really shouldn't let it mean something it's not supposed to.</p><p class="western">...But it's also been a <em>long</em> weekend. The past two days felt like an entire week, and Viktor misses the hell out of Yuuri too. How can he not? Viktor longs for their easy-going chats, the little updates Yuuri gives him about his day, the funny things Yuuri always seems to stumble across online and sends him as a way of sharing the laughter and horror.</p><p class="western">Viktor misses sharing things with Yuuri, too. He's not sure anything he gives back to Yuuri is in any way as close to as entertaining, but Yuuri never responds like he's secretly bored, like Viktor is bland or out of touch. There's a distinct energy to their conversations Viktor has never felt anywhere else, a balanced give and take that never leaves Viktor drained or unsatisfied. If anything, it leaves him hungry for more.</p><p class="western">His days just aren't the same without Yuuri in them.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares at the message – specifically at the heart at the bottom – and thinks.</p><p class="western">Even if Yuuri doesn't feel anything romantic towards him, that doesn't mean he can't miss Viktor as a friend. It doesn't make whatever their bond is unimportant or invalid. So why is he punishing himself like this? Why is he punishing them both? Why can't he just work on his feelings on his own time and enjoy whatever company Yuuri is willing to share with him? He's had some time to himself, and it felt shitty and terrible.</p><p class="western">Maybe... he just needs to push through the pain and keep on moving forward.</p><p class="western">“Fuck it,” Viktor says to himself.</p><p class="western">He taps on the message bar and begins typing.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey, Yuuri! Tell everyone I say hi for me : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm not asleep yet. I'm just relaxing in my hotel room, today was a pretty long day</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't have enough time to wonder if Yuuri is even still paying attention to his phone right now because Yuuri's reply comes in as quickly as Viktor's was sent. Could it be that he was also waiting for a sign for them to continue as they have been?</p><p class="western">It almost makes Viktor want to laugh. Poor boy probably doesn't even know that <em>he</em> was the sign all along, that his desire to keep talking to Viktor even when there has been little response for several days now is what's putting this back on the rails.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hi!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But it's Saturday. D : Isn't there a dance going on, or a party room nearby?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Chris is there with you, right? You mentioned he was going with you. I'm sure he'd know where a good party is</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's almost dangerous just how easy it is to slip back into old habits, because immediately something in Viktor relaxes, lets out a long-held breath and allows him a chance to breathe in fresh air. There's a comfort in talking to Yuuri that Viktor can't deny himself anymore. He's never had a friend quite like Yuuri before, and it's what he desperately needs right now.</p><p class="western">Well, at least that much hasn't changed. It's a weird sort of blessing.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p class="western">
  <em>He's somewhere in the hotel. I think he mentioned going to a bar, but honestly I was only half listening</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ahhh I see</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not a bar person?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, I can be</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm just not sure I'm up to being seen by anyone right now</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Shit, where the fuck did that come from? It's such a selfish comment to make right now. Yuuri messaged him with good vibes and intentions, and here Viktor is, being a complete fucking downer while Yuuri is probably still be streaming. If Viktor's going to message him, it should only be something positive. He doesn't need to taint Yuuri's night with his own foolishness.</p><p class="western">Viktor goes to delete his last message, intending to replace it with an apology for his terrible manners and boundaries, maybe even a change in subject, but then Yuuri beats him to the chase.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What do you mean?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">...Whelp. Too late to pretend Viktor didn't say anything now.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I dunno</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry I'm not watching your stream right now btw</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It looks like everyone finished their costumes. They look awesome. I can't wait to see proper photos of them</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's okay! You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Stream ended ten minutes ago anyway</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Everyone says thank you btw! There's still one more piece that we gotta finish but we're gonna do it another day, it's too late in the night to start it now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Everything else is ABSOLUTELY DONE though!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Remind me later to show you my wings when they're done drying, you have to see how they turned out!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'd do it now but I want you to see them standing up and in good lighting. Plus I don't want to accidentally mess them up</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Congratulations : ) and I will</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You must be so happy everything turned out the way you hoped</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He sure hopes Yuuri is, anyway. But it's hard to imagine Yuuri not being so. Not when he looked as such in the photo.</p><p class="western">It's then that Viktor considers writing a quick 'good night' message, to end the night on a more positive (or at least neutral) note before more of his poor mood can ruin a decent conversation, but then several more messages from Yuuri pop up in the DM screen before Viktor even has a chance to tap the message bar.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Um...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you okay?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I know it's text so maybe I'm just misreading you, but I'm getting some odd vibes from you right now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Did something happen at the con?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor holds his breath.</p><p class="western">He doesn't want to lie, but if Yuuri can pick up on his mood through only a few messages, then... well, he owes Yuuri some sort of truth. He doesn't want Yuuri to worry about him.</p><p class="western">Viktor's never been a good liar, anyway.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, everyone has been lovely here</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just haven't been feeling like myself lately, it's been a bad week</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You looked like you were having a great night and I... I don't wanna ruin that</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're not ruining anything, promise!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're also not a downer btw, you're allowed to have a bad night. That's what Phichit always says, and he's usually right about this kind of thing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is there anything I can do to help you out?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Oh, honey. If only. But Viktor's on his own with this one.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I dunno</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know what to do tbh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I thought lying in bed would help but I feel even worse now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can hear everyone else out there having fun and it's making me feels things</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>: (</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I've been there</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>When I feel like that I have to force myself out of bed and go do something. I usually go for a walk. It honestly helps more than you'd think</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Huh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I usually just............... do what I'm doing right now</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And it sucks, right?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Even if you don't actually do anything, a change in scenery is actually good for your brain! Something about new/external stimulants. I learned that in therapy</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow I explained that badly, but I swear I'm not making any of that up</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's brow lifts. Yuuri's been to therapy? Whatever for? It feels too personal to ask though, so he clamps down on the urge to ask further questions.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmm, I never thought of it like that but you have a point</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>...Should I do that? </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Go for a walk, I mean</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah! I would if I were you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're at a con, I'm sure you'll see some wacky shit that will make you smile : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Especially at this hour of night</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nothing brings out the weird in people quite like the cover of darkness lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There's a long moment where Viktor just stares at his phone, weighing the pros and cons of getting out of bed. He feels physically wrung out, enough so that he suspects he might not be able to get out of bed regardless of whether or not he wants to.</p><p class="western">But then he hears more laughter outside – a group of people walking past his hotel room, shouting amongst each other to be heard through the commotion – and a yearning for something different surges through Viktor like a crashing tidal wave.</p><p class="western">He wants to be <em>happy</em>, damn it. Is that too much to ask? He wants a moment of freedom and bliss and not feeling out of place no matter where he goes or what he wears.</p><p class="western">He thought maybe he'd find it with Yuuri, and for a while that seemed to be the case.</p><p class="western">It just turns out that he was wrong.</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes him happy, so, <em>so</em> happy... but Viktor can't keep relying on someone else for that feeling. It only crashes and burns when he does.</p><p class="western">So it's time to try and find it some other way, in a manner that won't leave him stranded when things don't go the way he hopes.</p><p class="western">That means getting his ass out of bed and actually looking.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I am getting tired of not actually doing anything at cons outside of work</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I've been feeling like that for a while, actually</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Did you know I'm not even a guest at this con? I decided last year to check it out, just for something different</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Except I'm doing exactly what I always do. I went ahead and turned the whole thing into more work when I applied for a table, because I couldn't justify just going to a con for fun</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Or maybe it's not “justify” so much as... I was too scared to try</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And now I'm lying in my bed, missing out on everything</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So... maybe a walk around would be good for me in more ways than one</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I gotta do something, right?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes! That's the spirit! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Maybe you missed out on the first half of the weekend, but it's not too late to see the rest of it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The con floor is probably closed by now, but there's always stuff going on no matter what</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And I dunno about you, but nothing perks my spirits quite like some weird ass convention bullshit at whatever-'O-clock</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just watch out for the drunk cosplayers! Especially the handsy ones!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles quietly to himself.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lmao, good point</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay. I'm gonna force myself up, get dressed in something comfy, and go for a walk</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll keep my phone on me but I want to try and just... be in the moment </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So I might not be around for a bit</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But if I see something really funny or weird, I'll come back and tell you about it?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'd like that : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm gonna be up pretty late so if you also need to chat more when you're done exploring, I'll be here</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's surprising, but the reassurance that Yuuri will be waiting for him, ready to hear whatever tales Viktor brings back... it gives Viktor the push he needs to actually sit up in bed and put his feet back on the floor. He's going to do it. He's going to get dressed in something not meant for bed and go for a mini adventure.</p><p class="western">It's funny... he almost feels better already. He even feels a little excited. Imagine that.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay then! : D I'm on my way</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wish me luck~!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's phone goes off while he's in the process of pulling a clean shirt over him. He glances down at Yuuri's last message to him and smiles at the response.</p><p class="western">Then he pockets his phone into the back of his jeans and heads out the door.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ganba!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">How could Viktor ever forget how fucking strange a hotel can get this late at night at a convention?</p><p class="western">Outside his hotel room is oddly quiet, but there's echoes of noises ringing down the narrow hallway, of activities going on all around him in other rooms. The lights are a little on the dim side of things, though still warm and yellow in hue, and there's hints of shadows everywhere the light doesn't reach. The red, carpeted floor muffles the sound of Viktor's shoes as he walks down it.</p><p class="western">He's barely turned around the corner, heading straight to the set of elevators situated at the center of his floor, and he's already seeing things.</p><p class="western">There's two con goers dressed up as cat girls, rainbow glitter shining on the tops of their cheeks and eyelids, in short skirts with long, furry tails hanging down behind their legs, and collars worn brazenly on their necks that have bells hanging from the center. They even wear tall kitty ears attached to headbands that match the colours of their short, curly wigs.</p><p class="western">To a regular person on the street, cat girls would make one do a double take. But at an anime con, it's a regular Saturday night.</p><p class="western">Viktor surmises that they must have just come back from the dance, because one of them sways back and forth, as if gesturing towards a dance without making the full commitment, and she is drunkenly singing along to a song Viktor doesn't recognize that is blaring from her phone. It's not English, that much Viktor can make out, though he couldn't tell you what language it is. Despite her inebriation there's an undeniable enthusiasm to her tone, and her pronunciation seems to be pretty close to the actual song.</p><p class="western">The other, more sober con goer swipes a keycard over and over through the slot next to the door handle, making displeased noises when the light flashes red instead of green.</p><p class="western">“This keeps happening!” Viktor hears the sober one hiss as he walks past them. “This is the third time!”</p><p class="western">“<em>I just wanna fall in love!</em>” the other sings off key.</p><p class="western">“Oh, my God, you are so fucking drunk right now. Okay, okay, give me your card, hopefully that one still works. Please tell me it's in your purse.”</p><p class="western">“Heheheheee, here you goooooo.”</p><p class="western">Viktor almost glances behind him, to see if the two make it safely into their room, but he catches something out of the corner of his eye and just manages to not trip over the legs of someone sitting on the floor.</p><p class="western">“Oh – sorry!” he stumbles out as he catches himself mid-step, but the person on the floor doesn't bother lifting their head or acknowledging him. Their legs are pulled tightly towards their chest, arms wrapped protectively around themself. What little Viktor can make out of their face is hidden beneath their wig, which looks tangled after what must have been a long, long day, some of the wig fibres frizzy and sticking out oddly in some spots. Their lips are pinched together angrily, and they sniff loud and wetly.</p><p class="western">Oh. He's most definitely been there before.</p><p class="western">Viktor stops mid-step just a foot or two ahead and considers asking them if they're okay, but he hears a nearby hotel room door open and someone say a name in a soft, sympathetic voice, so he minds his business and keeps on walking.</p><p class="western">Viktor finally arrives at the elevator doors. He goes to press the button to get down to the bottom floor, but then one set of the elevators dings and begins to opening. He steps back to enter, but stops completely when he sees what's inside.</p><p class="western">“Sorry! Sorry!” a giant Mobile Suit Gundam apologizes profusely as they attempt to side-step out of the elevator. Viktor can only tell that a person is inside the giant suit because of the voice talking inside of it. It takes a minute or two, but the giant robot manages to shuffle awkwardly out of the elevator, letting out a big sigh of relief once they're out into the bigger, more accommodating hallway.</p><p class="western">From behind, a Sephiroth carrying an armload of fast food follows them out.</p><p class="western">“See, that wasn't so bad?” they tease. The make-up on their face accentuates every sharp angle, and the smirk they put on is especially prominent and menacing to look at.</p><p class="western">“Says the guy who didn't bring his giant-ass sword,” the Gundam throws back at them. “At least you can see. I knew we should've come back here to change first. Fuck, it's like a goddamn sauna in here. ”</p><p class="western">“You look really cool, though,” Viktor offers out of the blue.</p><p class="western">The Gundam turns to Viktor, and though there's no facial expression to go by, Viktor can tell by their voice alone that they're surprised Viktor is still there and complimenting them.</p><p class="western">“Oh! Thank you! This thing took me months to finish.”</p><p class="western">“You did a really good job. You look like the real thing.” For a moment Viktor is lost – he's not sure how to proceed, what to say outside of pleasantries. Not wanting the silence to linger too long and awkwardly, he grins at them and adds, “Um... too bad it's so hot in there, huh?”</p><p class="western">The Gundam groans. “Tell me about it. I wish I was wearing regular shit right now. But <em>this</em> guy over here wanted to get food right after the dance and not do two trips.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs softly with sympathy. “Wow, you went to the dance like that? You must really be dying in there.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, yeah. Definitely almost dead in here.”</p><p class="western">...Oh, no. Another lapse in conversation. Viktor fishes for the first thing that comes to mind and thrusts it into the conversation.</p><p class="western">“I made a giant Totoro costume once for an event many years ago. I thought my skin was going to melt off by the end of it.” And, then, another thing comes to mind. “If you can, you should try and install a small fan in the helmet. It'll do wonders for your endurance.”</p><p class="western">The Sephiroth makes a pleased noise. “Ayyy, not a bad idea. We should get that done before Duetto Con.”</p><p class="western">“Hmm... okay,” the Gundam acquiesces, “but only if you mess with the wiring. I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole.”</p><p class="western">Sensing a natural end to their small talk – the two of them have food and must be exhausted – Viktor nods his head at them and wishes them a sincere, “Good luck, you two.”</p><p class="western">“Thank you!” the Gundam says back. “Have a good con!”</p><p class="western">As the Gundam and Sephiroth begin walking away, their bantering resumes like there hadn't been an interruption at all. Echoing off the hallway walls, Viktor hears the Sephiroth hiss to their friend, “Do you know who that was?!”</p><p class="western">“What? Who?” The Gundam asks in a baffled voice.</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs softly to himself.</p><p class="western">He immediately tunes the rest of their conversation out, not interested in where the rest of it is going. He presses the nearby button for the elevator, and steps into the next available one when it opens.</p><p class="western">Noise greets Viktor first when the doors open, as sudden and unexpected as a splash of cold water thrown across his face. It's almost enough to make Viktor step back into the elevator, unsure if this is something he can endure.</p><p class="western">But then he steels himself, and he ventures further towards the action.</p><p class="western">The lobby is <em>very</em> busy. It's packed with cosplayers hanging out after hours, none of them ready for the day to be over or willing to go find entertainment elsewhere. The con-goers are dressed up in everything from animal or anime mascot-based onesies to full blown costumes that take up a lot of space and attention. Sprinkled throughout the gathering are those in regular street clothes that are accessorized with things bought from the vendor hall.</p><p class="western">Because of the dance that night, many different people in the crowd wear glow stick bracelets and other glowing objects that hang on their arms and other parts of their costumes or dance wear.</p><p class="western">Admittedly, Viktor likes the sight of all the glowing jewellery, especially with how creative some people got with attaching the cheap bracelets to their body. Especially when it's combined with bright, colourful make-up looks on the wearers faces. It makes the lobby feel like a giant, open party anyone can come and go from at will. Not at all like something he's intruding upon.</p><p class="western">(Hmm. Maybe he should have gone to the dance. It's been a long time since he's done something like that.</p><p class="western">Except it's been so long, can he even still dance at all?)</p><p class="western">Viktor pauses on the fringe of the gathering... and then takes a deep breath and steps into the madness.</p><p class="western">Stepping inside is like stepping into a living, breathing kaleidoscope. There's such a variety of different colours, patterns, and textures, it's a total feast for the eyes. Viktor admires many costumes from afar, pondering to himself how the cosplayers went about constructing them, how <em>he'd</em> do it if he ever did a costume like theirs.</p><p class="western">A few people notice him, but other than a few polite smiles and some side-stepping to let Viktor pass through without trouble, they leave him be, untouched.</p><p class="western">Part of Viktor wants to open his mouth and try and start a conversation with someone, anyone... but something in him freezes, cold and tight in his chest, so he keeps walking.</p><p class="western">Why is he like this? Why is it he can handle one-on-one okay, or respond to someone who approaches him while he's working just fine, but when he's left to his own devices among more people than he can count, he just suddenly clams up and can't find his voice?</p><p class="western">(He knows why, though.)</p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but feel disappointed in himself. Ashamed that past experiences still drag behind him even years later, hold him back from normal interactions.</p><p class="western">Maybe he shouldn't have left his hotel room, after all. Not if he was going to be reminded of all that. Not if he's trapped between complete silence or acting like Viktor Nikiforov of Nike Cosplay, there to encourage others and talk to them like a leader and not... well, a fellow nerd.</p><p class="western">Eventually Viktor gets through the crowd, and to his surprise he finds familiarity on the other side. The hotel bar stands proudly here, less busy inside its glass walls. It's just as well though, because there being fewer people inside the bar makes it that much easier for Viktor to pick out Christophe, who is standing next to the bar counter with several people Viktor doesn't recognize.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't let himself weigh the pros and cons of trying to mingle this time – he forces his feet to keep walking, even in spite of how much they want to turn back towards the elevators.</p><p class="western">Theoretically, it should be much easier with a friend nearby, right?</p><p class="western">Maybe he freezes amongst complete strangers, but Christophe certainly isn't one of those.</p><p class="western">It's not until Viktor's a few feet away that Christophe finally notices that he's even there, but when he does, Christophe breaks out into a grin and pats a welcoming hand on Viktor's shoulder.</p><p class="western">“Hey! You came!”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Viktor says, briefly touching the hand on his shoulder. “I got tired of feeling sorry for myself and thought I should go for a walk instead.”</p><p class="western">Christophe leans in and asks, “Heartbreaker Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">“Heartbreaker Yuuri,” Viktor confirms. “But... don't be mad at him. It's entirely my fault. I did what you suggested and figured out on my own that he just wouldn't be interested.”</p><p class="western">Christophe makes a face at that. “Did you actually ask him, or were you extremely unclear about it? Because I said put feelers out, not gesture vaguely at him and hope he gets the hint. You have to be <em>very</em> obvious with a boy like that.”</p><p class="western">But Viktor shakes his head. “Nah, he made it very clear in his own way that he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for anyone. I'd rather just... forget about it. I feel like enough of a dumbass.”</p><p class="western">Christophe sizes him up, and then shrugs. “Okay, fair enough. Moving on, we are. Hey, while you're here, lemme introduce you to some people.”</p><p class="western">He then gently pulls Viktor closer to his side, angling Viktor so that he gets a better view of the people in question.</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks at two young women who are chatting at the bar, one of them with a drink in their hands. The women notice the movement next to them and stop talking, glancing over at them. One of them is fair with short, auburn hair, while the other is olive-toned with long, black hair. They're dressed like they're ready for a night on the town, their hair styled immaculately, make-up perfectly blended and applied. The only sign that they're part of the con crowd are the lamented con badges hanging around their necks. Their names are written in black sharpie across the blank, white space in the center of the badges, along with their Twitter and Instagram handles.</p><p class="western">(They seem... sorta, kinda familiar. But like always, Viktor can't place when and where he might have seen these two.)</p><p class="western">“These two lovely ladies are Mila and Sara,” Christophe introduces. And, with a flippant wave of his hand, he tacks on a quick, “And that walking, talking disaster back there is Sara's twin brother, Michele. Please ignore him, he's a giant headache.”</p><p class="western">(The 'headache' in question doesn't appear to hear said comment – he stands at least a few feet away, downing a beer and chatting to two men Viktor also doesn't recognize. There's a distinct, unfriendly frown on his face though, so Viktor doesn't feel at all inclined to find out what sort of headache this Michele is in person.)</p><p class="western">One of the women – Sara, Viktor sees from a quick glance at her badge – laughs heartily at Christophe's comment. She says to Viktor, “I promise you, it's not a genetic thing, it's entirely a Michele thing. I'm one hundred percent a darling. But enough about that, it's nice to meet you...?”</p><p class="western">“Ah, where were my manners?” Christophe chastises himself. “This is my good friend Viktor. You've probably seen him all over the internet or my Instagram. He's quite the poster boy of my work these days.”</p><p class="western">Mila snorts. “Oh, we know. Sara's just teasing you. You show this boy off all day, every day. Who isn't going to know who this hottie is?”</p><p class="western">Viktor wishes Christophe hadn't mentioned that at all – though what cosplayer at the con isn't going to eventually recognize him, even out of costume, especially if they also follow Christophe's social media? So he smiles back at the pair of women all the same, hoping that nothing about the interaction changes.</p><p class="western">“Nice to meet you, too...” Viktor trails off as his eyes slip down over the sea of enamel pins that take up space on the lapels of Sara's leather jacket.</p><p class="western">There's so many of them, dozens of nerdy and anime references all over. He can't help but run his eyes over them all, trying to place them. He's surprised at the sheer number of older references he can spot from his childhood. Are 90s shoujo and old school JRPGS still popular among younger people? Then again, Sara doesn't look <em>that</em> much younger than him.</p><p class="western">And then his eyes fix onto one pin in general, and they widen with recognition.</p><p class="western">The pin is a small flag, and it's blue, pink, and white.</p><p class="western">He blinks, at the pin and then up at Sara, suddenly very, very confused.</p><p class="western">Sara just smiles politely back at him like a bolt of lightning hadn't just struck him. “Like my jacket?” she ventures.</p><p class="western">“Oh – uh, yes. Is that a...” His words get stuck in his throat, and when Sara continues to stare at him, patiently waiting, he clears his throat and chooses the safer path to walk down. “Is that a Jiji pin?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, this little thing?” Sara taps it with a black-polished finger nail. It rests closer to her neck, nestled amongst other Studio Ghibli pins. “Mila gave that to me on my last birthday. <em>Kiki's Delivery Service</em> is one of our favourite movies.”</p><p class="western">“Your Kiki cosplay was sooooo cuuuute,” Mila sighs happily, resting her chin on Sara's shoulder as naturally as if it belongs there. She grins up at Viktor, not at all awkward or uneasy in front of him. “We did a Ghibli group a few years ago where a bunch of us did the heroines. Sara was Kiki and I did Sheeta. We practically matched!”</p><p class="western">“They do look a lot alike,” Viktor agrees.</p><p class="western">“You did Howl one year, didn't you?” Mila asks.</p><p class="western">Something in Viktor tenses, but he grins through it and says, “Yeah, I did.”</p><p class="western">It was one of his biggest costumes that year. Instead of going for the usual, flamboyant outfit Howl wears through most of the movie, Viktor had opted to recreate the giant, bird-like monster design from the latter portion of the film. The thing was hell to get in and out of, but it had been a blast to see peoples faces light up with recognition when he'd walked the con floor.</p><p class="western">He expects the next thing for either Mila or Sara to say is about the costume itself – a question about how he made the giant bird-monster suit, how he attached tiny fake feathers to his face, maybe about how he blended the wig and feathers together to look nearly seamless...</p><p class="western">... But instead, Mila stands up properly, claps her hands together and says, “I love that movie! Have you ever read the book?”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks, stunned. “Uh, yeah. I did, years ago.”</p><p class="western">“Which do you like more? They're both so different, it's like they're two different stories, right? Do you like the movie or the book more?”</p><p class="western">Viktor can hear Christophe snickering beside him, but he ignores it. He's too busy being surprised anyone wants to talk about him about something other than cosplay at a convention.</p><p class="western">“Uh, I like both a lot,” he says, “I like Sophie more in the book because she takes so much less shit, but watching Howl be dramatic on screen is way too funny to pass up.”</p><p class="western">Sara laughs into her drink. “Good answer. Okay, here's a new question then. Dub or Sub? Because Christian Bale as Howl just does something to your senses, doesn't it? <em>Especially</em> when he does the monster-voice.”</p><p class="western">That startles a laugh out of Viktor. “Oh no, are we actually going there? Because you're absolutely right. I can't resist that deep voice of his. I got shivers when he hissed at Sophie to 'go away.'”</p><p class="western">Mila sighs again. “No one can.”</p><p class="western">Sara nudges Mila's shoulder, laughing under her breath, “Easy there, girl.”</p><p class="western">Viktor feels a hand on his shoulder again, and he glances to his side at Christophe.</p><p class="western">“Lemme get you a drink,” his friend says, “because knowing these two, we're gonna be here all night thirsting over anime men.”</p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lips. This isn't so bad, is it? Maybe he's extremely out of practice socializing with anyone who isn't Christophe, Makkachin, or... or Yuuri... but here's a chance to start. He can't back out now, even when his nerves tell him this is dangerous, this is too much to handle.</p><p class="western">Because as scary as it is, he's managing so far, isn't he?</p><p class="western">He <em>can</em> handle it. He just has to take it one second at a time.</p><p class="western">So he nods, says, “Surprise me,” and then gets back to chatting with Sara and Mila about dramatic anime men with good fashion sense and thrilling voices.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OOOOOOH, YOU THOUGHT! YOU THOUGHT VIKTOR WOULD BE THE ONLY TRANS PERSON HERE!</p><p>To clarify, because I dunno if it'll ever actually come up in any of the fics, Sara is a trans lady.</p><p>Fun note for the Sara/Mila shippers reading this fic: Sara's leather jacket was originally Mila's! But Sara kept stealing it because “babe I'm cold” reasons and eventually Mila just gave it to her because she wore it way more than Mila did lol (and also because Mila likes how it looks on her).</p><p>The song the drunk cat girl cosplayer sings is actually a line from Twice's song “Like Ohh-Ahh.” It's a really cute song about wanting to find love. You can check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rtV5esQT6I </p><p>As a side note, this song will definitely be back when the Dance Scene happens~ I'll have a full playlist of the songs from that scene for you guys when that chapter happens &gt;:3c</p><p>ONE LAST NOTE: Viktor cosplaying Howl in the past is actually a stealth shout out to this AMAZING Howl's Moving Castle AU fic that pilindiel wrote, where Viktor is the Howl of the story! It's called "The Promise of the World" and can be read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8612644/chapters/19747732</p><p>I love this fic so much~ You will too if you give it a chance!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Oh.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OOOOHOHOHOHO, would you look at that? A rating change AND some new fun tags. &gt;:3c (This fic was origianlly tagged as explicit but I changed it a while ago because I didn't know how graphic this fic would end up being. I think it's safe to say it's a little past mature now.)</p><p>Warning: sexual content is officially in the fic! If you need to skip for whatever reason, start with “So what if he just... y'know” and come back to the story at “Against his better reasoning." As a small warning, there is more references to struggling with sexuality as a person on the asexuality spectrum! So there is some implied self-shaming in the text.</p><p>For anyone who skips, all you need to know is that Yuuri gets off to the thought of Viktor and then realizes he has a super duper crush on him.</p><p>For everyone else who is into the sexy stuff: I hope you enjoy~</p><p>Also YEAH, I did title this chapter after the most commonly used dramatic fanfic line of all time! And I regret NOTHING. It just works too well lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri falls asleep waiting for Viktor to message him back.</p><p class="western">He wakes the next day, a little groggy, pillow damp near his mouth from cooling drool. His glasses are still on his face somehow, though they're on a little awkwardly, the arm on one side digging into his cheek.</p><p class="western">When did he fall asleep last night? Around 4? He remembers last looking at the digital clock on his phone around 3:34 AM before his eyes started to seriously droop. He'd been determined to stay up just in case Viktor did need to talk more, but not even he can withstand the human need to sleep. Falling asleep so late means he's spent most of the morning making up for it, though.</p><p class="western">Oh, well. It's a Sunday, and he has those days off. He likes to sleep in anyway. Or “sleep in” as much as a dog owner realistically can. He does recall waking up at some ungodly hour a while ago to let Vicchan out, but of course he went straight back to bed as soon as Vicchan was done his business.</p><p class="western">(In his usual fashion, Vicchan now naps peacefully at Yuuri's feet, his snores quiet and beyond adorable. Yuuri wouldn't have it any other way.)</p><p class="western">After rolling onto his back and adjusting his glasses, Yuuri grabs his phone to check his social media. Tired as he is, he can't let himself drift off again. Not if he's going to be able to sleep tonight.</p><p class="western">(And, fine, he also wants to see if Viktor did ever get back to him.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri's spirits lift when he sees that Viktor did – and then the confusion hits when he sees that he also has an actual text message is waiting for him.</p><p class="western">Out of curiosity, he opens the text message first.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Mila:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>GUESS WHO WE MET LAST NIGHT!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We talked about Ghibli movies for LITERALLY two hours. This guy knows his stuff!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Following the message is a group selfie of Mila, Sara, Christophe, and – to Yuuri's surprise – Viktor. They look like they're all at a bar. The lights are dim, and there's half-empty drinks in the background on what Yuuri thinks is the bar counter. Mila and Sara are on both sides of Viktor, the former sticking her tongue out at the camera while the latter winks coyly. Christophe is just behind Viktor and Mila, giving heavy bedroom eyes while he (ironically?) pouts his lips. Not quite to duck face proportions, but it's edging pretty close.</p><p class="western">Viktor – Yuuri observes, probably more closely than one should – is smiling, an arm leaning against the counter while the other hangs a little awkwardly, like he's not entirely sure what to do with himself. It's not really like him, not like a professional-yet-independent model who is used to posing in front of a camera for a living.</p><p class="western">And yet, in some way, it's still absolutely like him. In that immortalized moment caught on Mila's phone, Viktor looks every bit the awkward, goofy nerd Yuuri has come to know over the past while. His smile reaches his eyes, the skin crinkling just so. Like he's genuinely having a good time. Yuuri can feel the warmth of Viktor's smile all the way from a whole other state, and it makes his insides twist almost pleasantly.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but stare at Viktor, utterly transfixed.</p><p class="western">He swallows thickly, suddenly feeling a little weird, and he forces himself to tap on the message bar and reply back to his con friend.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow! I'm glad you got to meet him : D He's a really nice guy</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I hope you're having a good weekend. See you at Duetto Con!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">With that social interaction completed, Yuuri quickly dips into whatever message Viktor left for him on twitter.</p><p class="western">It's a pretty long one, and one look at the time stamp reveals it was sent very early that very morning. Yuuri's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull when he sees how early. Viktor should have been <em>sleeping</em>, not up messaging him!</p><p class="western">It was also sent hours ago. It's almost 11 AM, so in all likelihood Viktor is already out on the con floor, dressed up for the day and working his table and whatever panels he might be doing.</p><p class="western">Yuuri snuggles into his bedding and readies himself for the mini novel he's been sent. He'll send a good reply back when he's done so Viktor also has something nice to look forward to whenever he's able to check his phone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI I'M SO SORRY</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was out much later than I thought I'd be! I saw weird stuff but nothing really worth mentioning tbh, just your usual convention nonsense</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I would have messaged you earlier but I thought maybe you were asleep. I didn't want to accidentally wake you up</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You were right, a walk was exactly what I needed. I had a lot of fun! I met some really nice people at the hotel bar and we chatted all night. I might have gotten a little buzzed too, just enough to feel a little bubbly</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Real talk, I didn't even sleep last night, which??? I'm an old man, Yuuri! I have a BEDTIME. But I was just so energized last night that I couldn't make myself do it </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know how I'm gonna get through today but oh boy am I going to be drinking so much coffee</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Anyway sorry for the wall of text, I'll talk to you later! It's Iron Man day and I need to apply a fake beard and moustache to my face even though I'm gonna be wearing a helmet all day, because you just never know when a little kid wants a photo with it. Pray for me :' D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts to himself. He can just picture it now, Viktor finally returning to his hotel room at who knows what hour, trying to get himself to calm down enough to get at least a quick nap in, but inevitably just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, too awake for his own good because he had too much of an exciting time.</p><p class="western"><em>That</em> sounds like a proper convention experience.</p><p class="western">Not that lying in bed, feeling sorry for yourself isn't one as well. Yuuri's had several cons like that. But he's relieved to know that Viktor was able to turn it all around into something positive.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Awwww. Don't overdose on the caffeine!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And don't worry about it. : ) I'm a big boy, I can handle you being away for a night</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm glad you had fun, btw. That's what conventions are supposed to be!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Actually, one of the girls you met last night texted me and sent a selfie you guys took together. She seemed awfully happy to have met you. You looked like you were having a good time</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Have a good last day of con! Good luck with the the fake beard!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri hit sends, and then lies in his bed, wondering what to do with himself.</p><p class="western">“I wish I was at a con,” he mumbles aloud to himself. His last one was less-than-stellar. But, between the extra panels his group have been requested to do as well as choreographing his next performance for their big cosplay lip sync event, his next one is already looking to be quite an adventure. He almost wishes time would fly by so he could be heading off to Ohio for a fun weekend with his friends.</p><p class="western">Yuuri wonders what things Viktor is seeing today, now that he's more open to trying to find adventure outside of his table.</p><p class="western">Well, he doesn't necessarily have to wait to find out about the bizarre going-ons at the con. That's what Instagram is for.</p><p class="western">Yuuri opens the app up and begins scrolling.</p><p class="western">The posts under the hashtag for the convention alone is already in the thousands, and that doesn't include the posts from previous years. The feed is bursting with colours and inspiration, everything from perfectly edited photos of completed costumes to fuzzier videos and con floor pics of shenanigans that happened – <em>are</em> happening – over the weekend. All of it makes Yuuri itch to throw a costume on and join in on the fun.</p><p class="western">(What is it Phichit always sings the day before a con? <em>“I wanna be where the people are”</em>? What a fucking mood that is right now.)</p><p class="western">More than once he stumbles across a photo or video of Viktor, either from the con floor or at a panel, and always in one of the costumes he must have brought with him to the weekend event. Given that newer posts show up first, the ones Yuuri initially sees are Iron Man – a current classic of Viktor's given all of the Marvel hype – and the giant suit of King Bowser he made earlier this year. One couldn't even guess that Viktor is the one inside latter if it weren't for the photographic proof of him constructing it posted on his Patreon, or the videos of him showing it off in motion. Yuuri especially remembers the video demonstrating how the lights work inside the open mouth so it looks like Bower's about to breathe fire.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri tries to imagine transporting that costume to a convention and, in an instant, decides he would have given up trying long before the thing could even leave his apartment. Does Viktor mail costumes like that ahead of time, or does he build them in such a way so as they can be taken apart and stored in a way that makes moving them more manageable? He'll have to ask sometime.)</p><p class="western">He admires the craftsmanship in each photo, eyes lingering over every detail, and then he forces himself to continue scrolling on. Yuuri tries to focus on all of the different pics under the hashtag, the wide variety of cartoon and video game characters brought to life, but it's not long before he begins to scroll specifically to find the con floor pics of Viktor.</p><p class="western">There's plenty of photos posted of other cosplayers getting pictures taken with him at his guest table, with descriptions filled with all-caps and shouting about how cool Viktor looks in person and how nice he was to them in their brief interaction.</p><p class="western">A strange, not entirely pleasant feeling coils in Yuuri's belly when he reads those descriptions.</p><p class="western">Almost like... like he's jealous?</p><p class="western">But that's silly. What is there to be jealous of? He's certainly not jealous of Viktor. Not once has Yuuri ever felt envy towards the older cosplayer, only a deep admiration and an intense desire to someday, somehow, get as close to his level as possible.</p><p class="western">So then... what else is there to be jealous of?</p><p class="western">Yuuri studies the last couple of pictures again. And then it occurs to him.</p><p class="western">Is he jealous of Viktor's <em>fans? </em>Because they get to be there with Viktor in person and talk to him and...</p><p class="western">Okay. Okay, moving on now. He's just gonna keep right on scrolling and not question that dump truck of disastrous thoughts.</p><p class="western">Except when he does scroll on, something worse happens when he stumbles across an oddly very aesthetic picture of Viktor as Prince Sidon. It's shot like a professional photographer directed it, properly showing off the model's (<em>Viktor's</em>) good looks with careful and calculated intention.</p><p class="western">One glance at the Instagram account and Yuuri realizes it's a photo that Viktor himself posted, a photo that Christophe must have taken before the con and prepared for posting to help hype up Viktor's appearance at the con. The credits are listed right there in the description, along with Viktor's message stating where he's attending and which days he's dressed as what. There's thousands of likes and almost as many comments, half of which are fans lamenting that they can't be there to see him in person.</p><p class="western">(That's... that's <em>scarily</em> relatable right now.)</p><p class="western">What makes this photo worse than the others is that, unlike King Bowser or Iron Man, you can actually see Viktor's face. The camera is angled in such a way to make the viewer feel like they're looking up at him, like one would to a giant, towering Zora prince. The angle also accentuates the sharpness of Viktor's jaw and the width of his broad shoulders, making him look particularly masculine and strong. The colours are even edited slightly to make the red pop harder against the bright blue of the sky behind him, and the yellow of his contacts almost appear to glow beneath the shadow of the headpiece Viktor wears.</p><p class="western">Even though face paint, as well as different parts of the headgear Viktor wears, cover up a lot of his natural features, there's no mistaking his natural charisma, the trademark curve of his flirtatious smile.</p><p class="western">It's a very, very different vibe than the more personal selfie Yuuri saw not even half an hour ago, but it twists his belly up in the same exact way, makes his breath feel shallow in his chest in a way not at all like his usual anxiety.</p><p class="western">... Oh, no. It's like that Loki moment from the con vlog all over again. It's like Viktor's staring straight into Yuuri's being, despite the fact that it's a <em>fucking photo.</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri slaps his phone onto the bed.</p><p class="western">“That's it. I need to get up and actually do something.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri does his best to do just that – distract himself with everyday chores, with some TV, a little bit of gaming, playing with Vicchan – but inevitably, drawn to it like a magnet, he keeps going back to his phone and checking his social media.</p><p class="western">He doesn't go back to the hashtag on Instagram, but he almost doesn't need to, not with how many mutuals of his are updating their own SNS accounts with pics of their con weekend, or sharing the photos of others directly onto his feed.</p><p class="western">(If Viktor also updates his accounts, then Yuuri can't help but see said updates. He follows Viktor's work, after all. It's not creepy to look at those. He's meant to see them!)</p><p class="western">Some point in the late afternoon, Viktor finally gets back to him. Yuuri pauses in the middle of doing dishes to check his new messages. Not because he's glued to his phone, waiting on Viktor to get back to him. But because they're friends, and Yuuri wants to share in the excitement. Yes. That's it.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURIIIIIIIIII </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Today is WILD. I have STORIES</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't tell any of them right now because working, but as soon as I'm free I'm gonna bombard you with them!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles fondly down at his phone. It's not much if a response to anything he said hours ago, but he knows Viktor's busy. He probably only has the time to churn the message out as quickly as he can before stowing the phone away.</p><p class="western">Honestly, he's happy to hear back from Viktor at all.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's got all the time in the world right now, so he types up his reply like usual.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sounds great! I'm here all day lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm so bored. Phichit's out and I don't know when he'll be back </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wish I was at a con</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wish</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri deletes the last two words the second he realizes what he's about to write.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>I wish I was there too.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It feels like such a stupid, selfish thing to 'wish' for. Not when he's had several chances already to make such a thing happen, even though he's bombed ever one of those chances.</p><p class="western">There was always some reason to cancel, some little thing he hyper-focused on to use as a one way ticket out of his own ambitions. His anxiety, his costume not being up to par, Viktor looking too busy. The timing was never right. Or, rather, Yuuri never felt right, which made it all the more easier for him to nitpick reasons to <em>not</em> meet Viktor out of thin air.</p><p class="western">In spite of his past cowardice, Yuuri finds himself wishing now for the one of the few things he's wanted for years anyway.</p><p class="western">He wishes he was at the con, too.</p><p class="western">Because he's missing the fuck out of Viktor right now.</p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip. If he were there right now, could he actually go through with it? Meet with Viktor? He never had the courage before. Why would he have it now? Just because he and Viktor talk every day? Admittedly, he did gather up enough courage to reach out to Viktor and start their chats, but there's a huge difference between some words on a screen and actually standing before his idol – and friend.</p><p class="western">With a shake of his head, Yuuri hits send on his phone and delivers his reply as is, and then does his best to get back to reality.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri hears from Viktor a few more times throughout the rest of the day, but it's sporadic at best, and also quite limited.</p><p class="western">Part of him hopes that, once the convention center shuts down for the weekend and people are forced back into their hotel rooms for rest or cars to begin the journey back home, Viktor will send him a more detailed update about how the rest of his weekend went. Yuuri wants to hear all about how his last day went.</p><p class="western">What he doesn't expect to get that evening is a short message that reads simply as:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey Yuuri~! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Chris says there's this really nice restaurant nearby, so we're gonna clean up and go get some actual food for the first time today. Some friends of his are coming too, so I might be too busy to chat until later tonight</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the stories I mentioned earlier. I'll come regale you with them later!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I hope you're having a good night too!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Something in Yuuri deflates, and it's hard to ignore as he rereads the text several times.</p><p class="western">Well – this is good, right? Viktor's going out and having fun.</p><p class="western">Still, Yuuri finds himself sighing all the same.</p><p class="western">It'd be a whole lot easier to distract himself if Phichit were also home. They could have a nice night in, maybe order a pizza or something, play some video games.</p><p class="western">The only problem with that is that Phichit also texted him about an hour ago with:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Don't wait up for me! I'mma be busy tonight ; D Might not even come home if you catch my drift</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>&lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Which, knowing Phichit... yup. Yuuri's fine not knowing the details of that. At least his roommate is courteous enough to let him know he'll be out for the night.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances down at Vicchan, who is sniffing around his feet.</p><p class="western">“Walk?” he says, maybe a little louder than is necessary.</p><p class="western">Vicchan immediately looks up at him expectantly. He gets up on his hind legs and leans against Yuuri's leg, and his mouth hangs open as he pants excitedly.</p><p class="western">Yuuri grins. “Okay, walk it is.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The walk does wonders for tuckering Vicchan out – as it should, they were out for a good hour or so – but it does almost nothing for Yuuri.</p><p class="western">He's back to lying on his bed, staring at his phone, mindlessly scrolling in an attempt to stave off the inevitable boredom.</p><p class="western">It's getting late – it's half past 10 PM, and there's still no sign of Viktor.</p><p class="western">He's not sure why he expects Viktor to get back to him so promptly. Viktor's out tonight with new people. He's going to be busy getting to know them, no doubt enjoying his free time now that the convention is over for the year.</p><p class="western">It's unreasonable of him to feel like this. Yuuri doesn't <em>own</em> Viktor, after all.</p><p class="western">Telling himself that over and over again doesn't do anything to ease the boredom and excess energy, though. Yuuri feels antsy. He never realized before just how much time he invests in his day-long chats with Viktor. Now that he's left without it, what the hell does he do to pass the time?</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares up at his ceiling, pondering his situation.</p><p class="western">What if... Well. Phichit's out for the night. Vicchan's asleep in the living room. It's just him, alone, in his comfy bed. And he needs a way to relax and wind down for the night.</p><p class="western">So what if he just... y'know.</p><p class="western">Admittedly, it's been a long time since he's last jerked off. As sexually charged as his lip syncs and some of his crossplays tend to be, Yuuri's not really that much of a sexual person himself. He can go weeks in between getting off and be completely fine with it. He's even actually fallen asleep with his hand around his dick before because he literally got bored of the repetitive monotony of the action itself.</p><p class="western">(Yes, it's embarrassing, and no, he'll never, ever tell anyone.)</p><p class="western">There's no real reason not to do it right now. It's the perfect time and place if he wants to do it at all. And he's overdue for a little bit of release. It might even help tire him out enough to fall asleep like a regular person with a sensible sleep schedule.</p><p class="western">(Wow. How exciting does that sound? “I'll jerk off so I can go to sleep,” not, “I'll jerk off because it feels good and I like it.” Hmm.)</p><p class="western">Still. An orgasm is an orgasm.</p><p class="western">Okay, fine, so he's gonna do it. But how to go about it, though?</p><p class="western">Well... he should probably take his pants off first. Get comfortable.</p><p class="western">Awkwardly, Yuuri unbuttons his jeans, dragging the zipper down. The sound of metal parting, the zipper hissing down the aluminum teeth, is loud in Yuuri's quiet room.</p><p class="western">He means to shuck the layer off entirely, but he stops with his thumbs dug into the waist of his pants, suddenly unable to do so. It feels weird. A little too intentional. Like he's trying to seduce himself. Is this how regular people feel? How <em>do</em> regular people do this?</p><p class="western">Yuuri instead places his hand over his soft sex, over the thin barrier of his underwear, and his mind goes blank as he tries to come up with ways of turning himself on enough to get this going.</p><p class="western">This part is always a stumbling block for him: he doesn't really know what he finds hot enough to make him hard with want. Sexuality as a concept is completely nebulous to him, something theoretical, that other people apparently feel all the time. When it comes to himself, he might as well be a robot for all the genuine sexualness he ever feels. Normally, when he does try to get off, it's because his body decides it's pent up and horny. It's an alien function in his body that acts on its own will and drive, separate from him and his own consciousness, and he only really gives in and gives it what it wants when it becomes a total distraction.</p><p class="western">It's kind of funny. He <em>likes</em> the idea of sex; he's not at all repulsed or turned off by it. It sounds like a good time. Everyone else acts like it is. He's not immune to how much his friends like to talk about it, when they share funny stories over drinks and food, talk to him like it's an experience he's also intimately well versed in.</p><p class="western">They mean well. They know he's a virgin. But, sometimes, it's also like they forget that his feelings differ from theirs.</p><p class="western">Yuuri likes to think that, one day, maybe, he'll find someone he could to get to know in that way. That he could feel safe and comfortable enough in their arms to be taken apart in such a way that has him moaning into their neck and clinging for mercy. But as it is right now, the act is so disconnected from him physically that he has a hard time accomplishing much of it even on his own.</p><p class="western">He's tried watching porn in the past to rouse his interest – it works less than half of the time. Most of the time Yuuri ends up making faces at certain sounds the actors make, or things they do to each other that don't look all that pleasurable. It's worse when the actors try to talk dirty to each other, with incredibly lewd slang and phrases that Yuuri can't believe anyone would ever find hot. The whole thing just takes him right out of it. It's too weird, too intimate for him.</p><p class="western">Absently, Yuuri traces a finger over his still soft sex.</p><p class="western">He could try watching porn again... He might be able to find something to help him get this over with. He's probably better off just picturing something in his head, though. At least then there's zero chance of seeing something that'll put him off the concept of getting off entirely.</p><p class="western">Yuuri closes his eyes, and tries to picture something, anything, that will make him feel like the young, sexual, adult man he's supposed to be.</p><p class="western">What do men think about when they're trying to get off?</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries the first thing that comes to mind: picturing other people having a sexual encounter.</p><p class="western">He tries all sorts of variations: men and men, women and women, men and women, but they all more or less get the same response out of him. His arousal feels lukewarm at best. Thinking about other people kissing and touching makes him feel almost invasive. Like he's intruding upon someone else's private life, even though they're completely fictional and made up inside of his head.</p><p class="western">No, he can picture the bodies of attractive people all he wants. It's still not enough to make him hard with desire. He's painfully soft and limp.</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. He opens his eyes and frowns at his bedroom. “Why am I so bad at this?”</p><p class="western">With a huff, he rolls onto his side and pouts down at his bedding.</p><p class="western">He feels ridiculous. And pathetic.</p><p class="western">He bets Viktor has absolutely no problem getting off whenever he wants to.</p><p class="western">...That paints a new and interesting picture in Yuuri's head.</p><p class="western">Part of him resists at first – he can't just think about Viktor in a sexual context! Except, he has in the past, hasn't he? Those little thrills he gets when he sees pictures of Viktor smiling (or smirking) into a camera. The butterflies he got the one time they video chatted a while ago, which never quite settled over the course of the night but never made him feel sick either. Viktor makes Yuuri nervous, but, if he's being honest, it actually feels kinda <em>good. </em>Exciting, even<em>.</em></p><p class="western">Isn't that what arousal is? Isn't this what other people feel?</p><p class="western">Yuuri might be a hot mess who can't trick himself into getting a single boner, but he is a hot mess with eyes. And Viktor is, objectively speaking, very, <em>very</em> attractive. The bodies of other people, real or imagined, do absolutely nothing for him, but the second he pictures <em>Viktor's</em> body, suddenly it's like the temperature in the room has been turned up without his say so.</p><p class="western">Nervously, Yuuri wets his lips.</p><p class="western">Viktor's always been special. That's all it is. It's not – it's not a <em>crush</em>. He's just an exception to every rule that makes up Yuuri's life. Who wouldn't be turned on by him? It doesn't mean anything deeper than that.</p><p class="western">So it's... it's okay, isn't it? If he just uses Viktor as a springboard? Nothing more than that. He'll think about Viktor only enough to get the gears going, and then he'll stop, and never, ever bring it up to anyone ever. No one needs to know.</p><p class="western">(Well, Yuuri will know, there's no way he'll ever forget this, but he can feel his dick twitching with real interest now, and suddenly the idea is far too tempting to ignore.)</p><p class="western">So he lets himself picture the unthinkable.</p><p class="western">If Viktor were alone, like Yuuri is right now, unwinding after a long day and giving in to carnal pleasure, what would that look like?</p><p class="western">Viktor's in a dark room with a small light source, a small lamp that sits nearby. He's reclined on his bed, above the covers, and he's wearing only a shirt. It's shoved up his chest, exposing his toned pecs and the long valley of his stomach, which dip into his hips and stretch out into his long, long legs that are bare except for very fine, silver hair. One leg is bent, the foot planted firmly on the bed. And between his legs...</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't picture <em>that</em>. His mind won't let him go that far.</p><p class="western">It doesn't matter. His body responds all the same, as if he can see it anyway, as if he were near it. He doesn't need to picture it to know that Viktor's hand is wrapped around his hardened length, giving it slow, smooth, teasing strokes.</p><p class="western">Unconsciously, Yuuri's hand begins to slowly rub over his underwear. It feels... nice. He can feel some of his blood beginning to move south. He's steadily becoming firm beneath his hand.</p><p class="western">He doesn't know what to think about next – but that's okay, because his slowly awakening desires seem to know what next to arouse himself with.</p><p class="western">Like a scene from a movie, the Viktor in his mind looks up at him with hooded eyes, much like he did once as Loki, like he does now as Sidon, and his lips curl in that particular way of his, and he asks in a husky voice, <em>“Well, are you just going to sit there and watch me?”</em></p><p class="western"><em>But I don't know what to do, </em>Yuuri finds himself mentally answering. Because he doesn't. He barely knows how to pleasure himself, let alone another human being. He's so out of his depth.</p><p class="western">The Viktor in his head smiles at him, sweetly, encouraging, and he says, <em>“I'll show you.”</em></p><p class="western">The rest of his fantasy unfolds more naturally. Yuuri can picture himself lying next to Viktor, comfortably close, enough to feel the warmth radiating off of Viktor's body. There's no need for a blanket when there's the heat of their encounter warming them.</p><p class="western">At Viktor's word, Yuuri finally imagines it – imagines wrapping his hand around Viktor hard length. The fantasy version of himself has a bolder touch than he ever thought he could in real life, and he watches Viktor's face closely as he strokes him, guides him through the journey to satisfaction.</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow pinches with pleasure, and he lets out a small sound that goes straight to Yuuri's cock in real life.</p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip against his own noise. Unable to wait any longer, his hand dips inside his underwear and pulls himself out. He's hard, almost painfully so, and he finds he actually enjoys the weight of himself in his hand.</p><p class="western">Yuuri begins to stroke with purpose.</p><p class="western">He continues to think about moving his hand over Viktor's length – as he moves it over himself. For some reason, Yuuri thought that he would want to imagine the opposite scenario, picture Viktor pleasuring him instead, maybe hovering over him, supported by his knees on either side of Yuuri's body, but the thought of servicing his friend is scratching an itch Yuuri didn't even know he has.</p><p class="western">What he does to himself, Yuuri imagines he's also doing to Viktor. When his hand is slow, he hears Viktor's soft panting, intimately close, as though he were really breathing into Yuuri's neck. When his hand moves faster, when he teases the sensitive head of his dick, Viktor's pants become laced with small gasps and moans, edging into a whimper for more.</p><p class="western">Eyes closed tightly shut, Yuuri's minds eye focuses on Viktor's face, watches for every minuscule change in his expression. He drinks in the raw, open pleasure playing across his features like it's the only thing that can ever quench him.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes open and meet his, and arousal spikes through Yuuri like lightning.</p><p class="western">It's then that Yuuri thinks: <em>okay, okay that's enough, I need to stop here. I've already gone too far.</em></p><p class="western">But he doesn't stop.</p><p class="western">His hand moves like it has a mind of its own now, responding to the inherent need that's thick and hard between his legs, and his mind continues to play the scene out, adding new details for him to latch onto. Like Viktor digging his teeth into his plump bottom lip, a moan that trickles into a happy, blissful laugh, of his toes curling into the bedding they're lying atop of, thighs shaking with need.</p><p class="western">Words enter the picture now, phrases that echo endlessly in Yuuri's head.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yes, like that. You feel so good. God, I'm close.”</em></p><p class="western"><em>I am too,</em> Yuuri answers back. He can feel himself approaching the end, much faster than he's used to. No one else is touching him, but because of his hand firmly stroking himself through his fantasy, he feels Viktor's pleasure as his own.</p><p class="western">He slides his hand up his t-shirt, shoving the fabric up to expose himself, and he teases one of his nipples. The Viktor in his mind arches his back when Yuuri does the same to him, pressing the nub further into his twisting thumb and finger.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri,”</em> Viktor whines this time, head bowing to press against Yuuri's as they both near the precipice, <em>“Yuuri, please – !”</em></p><p class="western">And then, before Yuuri is ready for it, before he can brace himself, Viktor moans into his ear,<em> “Please... let me touch you, too.”</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip against a loud moan, and he shakes through the strongest orgasm he's had in <em>years</em>.</p><p class="western">He's still quaking long after the pleasure begins to subside, breathing heavily as he stares down at himself. His release is splattered across his stomach and dripping down his loose fist. He's an utter mess.</p><p class="western">Normally, after release, Yuuri immediately becomes bored of the concept of getting off and proceeds to clean himself off. He'll then goes to sleep or play some video games, and slip back into the routine of his everyday life.</p><p class="western">Not tonight, though. Tonight, as Yuuri stares down at himself, as he thinks about what he's just done, he discovers that he actually wants more.</p><p class="western">In the culmination of his touch, Yuuri missed out on imagining Viktor descending into the very same moment of pure ecstasy.</p><p class="western">Just thinking about how Viktor might sound, how he might look, in such a vulnerable and open moment has Yuuri's sex twitching with continued interest. Can he – can he actually go <em>again? </em>He feels good after his orgasm – better than usual – but he's not entirely satisfied, either. It's like he needs another round. Or two.</p><p class="western">Against his better reasoning, Yuuri also finds himself wishing Viktor were actually there with him, that he could really feel the heat and firmness of Viktor's body pressed against his, can feel his breath against his skin, feel his lips moving over his –</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows thickly as realization slowly settles over him. As all of the feelings he'd had over the course of his day part the fog of his mind like piercing sunlight, revealing to him the truth of it all.</p><p class="western">Because this is so much deeper than just “an exception.”</p><p class="western">Oh.</p><p class="western">Oh, no.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. what do we want?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's an extra long chapter, as a treat.</p><p>Small warning for an implied reference to using sex/hooking up as a form of self harm. To skip that whole paragraph, stop at “Briefly, he considers” and come back at “He wants to meet someone, someday.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Good con,” Christophe says over the music in Viktor's car, playing through an aux cord that's plugged into the former's phone. A lofi remix of some classic video game music gently beats in the background of their long drive home, at once familiar and nostalgic but also fresh and new.</p><p class="western">Viktor hums his agreement and snuggles into his blanket.</p><p class="western">It's funny to think that he was sulking into it only a few days ago, almost hiding from the world outside his car while he mourned something that had barely begun. Admittedly, part of him is still a little sad, a little wounded, as one feels when love is snuffed out before it can reach its full blaze, but... that's also life. And while it did get the best of him for most of the con, the last day or so turned out to be pretty enjoyable. Maybe not super memorable, not when one been to as many cons as he has, but it was good.</p><p class="western">“You looked like you had fun last night,” Christophe says again.</p><p class="western">“I did,” Viktor says. “I don't know if I really did or said much, but it was nice getting out of the hotel.”</p><p class="western">Christophe shoots him a quick grin before turning his attention back to the road. “You did a lot by coming along. I know how you get with large groups.”</p><p class="western">Viktor stares out the window, watches as tall and green trees pass them by. The sky is bright and clear blue with only a handful of thin clouds spread out across its canvas. It's a pleasant summer day, by all accounts.</p><p class="western">“I just don't know what to say sometimes,” Viktor admits.</p><p class="western">“That's okay. I don't know if you could tell, but everyone liked having you there.”</p><p class="western">Viktor snorts. “No, I couldn't tell. People love asking for autographs from strangers they don't like.”</p><p class="western">“Smart ass,” Christophe jokingly reprimands him. He glances at Viktor again, his expression sobering. “So... how are you feeling, by the way?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs. “Fine. Decent. I'm making it.”</p><p class="western">Christophe nods. The music fills in the empty space between them.</p><p class="western">Unable to deny temptation any longer, Viktor sneaks a hand under his blanket to fish out his phone. He checks it for the fifth time that afternoon, on the off chance it went off and he didn't hear it.</p><p class="western">More specifically, he checks his DM conversation with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Their conversation has been a little... off since the night before. Viktor can't pinpoint when the change happened, but at some point since between last night and this morning, Yuuri's replies began to sound strained. Or as much as text on a screen can “sound” like anything.</p><p class="western">He rereads some of it, trying to pick out where it all went wrong, what <em>he</em> might have done wrong.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg, I'm sorry I fell asleep on you last night! I'm such an old man, my head hit my pillow and I was out just like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I had a lot of fun last night! We went to this local Japanese restaurant with some people Chris knows from other cons, some other photography people </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I checked to see if they had that dish you like so much, but sadly they didn't. I brought it up and no one else had heard of it, so we spent like 10 minutes watching Youtube videos of it being made by professional chefs. I think I accidentally converted some people lol, it kinda felt like we were settling for whatever the restaurant actually had</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Admittedly I didn't really say or do much. I actually felt kind of awkward and out of place? But I'm glad I went. The food was really good and it was nice listening to con stories. Apparently someone cosplayed as a GIANT Cherubimon (the good/non virus version!) and I'm so mad at myself that I missed it!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow, that's a lot! I'm glad you had a fun time : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The hell kind of Japanese restaurant doesn't have katsudon????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't know! This one apparently. They mostly just had ramen and sushi and a few other things. It was also pretty small though, just a cozy, little spot. I'd definitely go back : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How was your weekend, btw? Do anything exciting? How's the cosplay squad?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, you know. This and that. Nothing special</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Everyone's doing well! I'll tell them you said hi</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, well that's good!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just scrolled back through the messages you sent yesterday. I'm sorry I missed so many of them! I just saw your earlier message about Mila. I didn't realize you knew her and Sara. They're super nice, I really like them : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think I've seen them around before but you know how my memory is, I can't really figure out from where</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>They also showed me pics of their cosplays from the weekend! I don't know half of what they dressed up from but w a o w, the level of detail the put into them! They showed me the refs they used and they really amped up the original designs! I love it when people do that</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, they are really nice</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Their cosplays are really something, they're pretty popular online too</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sure you probably just saw them around at a con or something, they go to a lot of them together</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aww, that's nice! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hopefully I see them around again sometime</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, hopefully!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri hasn't said anything else since then. It's been a few hours since then.</p><p class="western">It bothers Viktor now more than he wants to admit. Staring at the chat makes him feel like there's a hole in his chest, and each glance at the physical silence on his screen just makes it grow wider and wider. Several times since Yuuri's last message, Viktor's tried to think of something else to say, but every time he comes up empty handed.</p><p class="western">And, given that Yuuri also hasn't said anything else, it's becoming apparent that Yuuri might not want to say anything either.</p><p class="western">Things seemed fine Sunday night, when he got back to the hotel room and (briefly) chatted with Yuuri before falling dead asleep in his bed, but he woke up that Sunday morning to an awkward tension. What changed between last night and this morning?</p><p class="western">“He's probably just really busy,” Christophe says when he notices Viktor's back to checking his phone. “It is a Monday.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Viktor sighs. He sets his phone side, determination to not stare at it settling in. “It's better this way, isn't it? If we talk less? I got so attached to him... maybe I just need more space.”</p><p class="western">“Maybe so. Why don't you go to sleep? I'll wake you up at the next coffee stop.”</p><p class="western">“Okay.” Adjusting his seat so that it reclines further back, Viktor closes his eyes, and lets the calming, atmospheric music from Christophe's phone guide him to a light nap.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's when they're parked in front of a Starbucks, getting their second caffeine hit for the day, that Yuuri messages Viktor out of the blue.</p><p class="western">The two of them are chilling on the hood of Viktor's car, stretching their legs and sipping back large cold brews, when Viktor's phone goes off with a loud rendition of the Final Fantasy victory fanfare. Viktor almost falls off his car with how much its suddenness startles him. He catches himself just in time and manages to save his drink in the process.</p><p class="western">He and Christophe look at each other, and the latter smirks into the lid of his drink.</p><p class="western">“That would be for you,” he says.</p><p class="western">Hand suddenly a little too clammy to be handling anything that could slip and die on the pavement, Viktor unlocks his phone and reads his new message.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Um, I'm sorry I wasn't super talkative earlier. I've been in a weird headspace since last night and I'm not really all here right now. I didn't sleep very well either and have been in a rush all day, and that kinda made it all worse</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I didn't realize how bad my replies came across until when I started to think about them and looked them over</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I hope I didn't wreck your weekend with my weirdness</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor wastes zero time thinking. He just types.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, Yuuri! No, you're fine : ) Nothing is wrecked</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry you're having an off day. It wasn't anything I did, was it? I know I was a little distant all weekend too except for the last half of it. I didn't think how shitty that might make you feel. I'm sorry, it was never my intention to make you feel ignored</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Noooo no no no, you're fine! And no, you didn't do anything</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This is</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This is all me weirdness. I can't explain it. But don't worry!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Also it's okay when you're away for a while, or if I'm away for a while. It's not like... it's not like we owe each other day-long chats, right?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is this weird? I'm sorry, I'm making this weird. This is not the sort of conversation I'm used to having with anyone</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're not making it weird : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I like our chats! A lot! They're my favourite part of the day</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm just trying to get out and socialize more too</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I've been in a weird place, too. And I want to try and improve things for myself</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And you should! If I get in the way of that, tell me and I'll do better</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol, you say that like you were ever in the way of anything</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You have nothing to worry about, Yuuri. If anything, you've helped me a lot! I owe so much to you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm trying to get my shit together, and, honestly, it's probably only happening because you helped me realize how much I need to do that. I don't want to carry on the way I have been for the last however many years, it's miserable and I'm tired of it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So it might mean a little less chatting as I try and, I dunno, live life? But it doesn't mean I want to stop talking to you!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay I really don't know how to respond to that</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just accept it as the truth then~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're a really good friend, you know that? How are you not furious with me right now?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Because you inspire me to be a good friend too &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>pfbbfffffbbbbfffffbbfttttt</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Honestly though</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I really appreciate you explaining what was going on with you. I'm not really used to people doing that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was starting to worry I'd done something wrong and... well, yeah. I just figured it had to be have been something I've done</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's been so long since I've been good friends with anyone other than Chris that sometimes it feels like I forget how to be one myself, so it only made sense that I fucked up somehow</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg no. No no no no no no no</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm really sorry I made you feel like that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't ever want to be the reason you feel sad or down</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't mean to, but I hurt people sometimes and always end up realizing it too late. The LEAST you deserve is an explanation for why I was being distant. You're not wrong for reacting to how I was behaving</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thank you for hearing me out and for being understanding</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuuuuuriiiiiiiiiiiiii ;o;</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How did I ever get so lucky to be YOUR friend?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's my line, silly</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you driving home right now? Well, obviously not RIGHT now, you're on your phone, but like are you on your way back?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yup! We're just having a coffee stop right now. We're an hour or two away from home</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't wait to see my sweet, precious girl! I miss Makka and I miss my own bed</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol, I'll bet</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Makka definitely misses you too : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll let you get back to travelling then. I gotta finish my lunch real quick and get back to work anyway</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll talk to you later?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Drive safe!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thank you!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ttyl &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You're smiling,” Christophe comments when Viktor shoves his phone back into his pocket.</p><p class="western">Viktor takes a small sip of his cold brew. “Just thinking about how lucky I am.”</p><p class="western">“Lucky?” Christophe echoes, brow arching. “That's a big turn around from earlier.”</p><p class="western">“Well...” Viktor shrugs. “Shifting perspective, I suppose. Just because one thing didn't work out the way I hoped for doesn't mean something else can't.”</p><p class="western">Christophe grins into the lid of his drink. “Well. So long as you're happy.”</p><p class="western">Viktor swirls his cold coffee around in its cup, mulling the comment over. He's still smiling; he's unable to stop himself from doing so. He wouldn't have been able to picture himself feeling like this not even twenty minutes ago, but now it feels like the most natural response in the world.</p><p class="western">There was a time, many years ago, where another persons emotions controlled how he felt about himself, about the world, about <em>them</em>. There was only enough room for the thoughts and feelings of one person, and it was never him. Apologies were rare in both sincerity and quantity, and they never once soothed the ache in Viktor's heart like a few words from Yuuri do. Viktor wasn't even aware that an apology <em>can </em>feel good.</p><p class="western">Maybe it should make him feel even sadder, that he's going to miss out what Yuuri could be like as a boyfriend...</p><p class="western">But, funnily enough, he doesn't feel that way, not right now. He's sure he will later, but in this moment, Viktor feels grateful. Whatever he's lost out on having Yuuri as a partner, he's gained infinitely in Yuuri's friendship.</p><p class="western">And that, right now, feels fucking priceless.</p><p class="western">How can anyone not be satisfied with that?</p><p class="western">“You know... I think I am,” Viktor finally says. He lifts his cup for another sip. “And if I'm not, then I will be, someday.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Things return to normal once Viktor's home.</p><p class="western">Well, mostly normal.</p><p class="western">He still spends his daylight hours working on his business. Mostly commissions right now, an even mix of prop work and styled wigs. Con season is in full swing now, which means it's usually Viktor's busiest time of year for a multitude of reasons. There's less time to relax, less time to sit down and just breathe. Every second he dedicates to either fixing up his own costumes so that they're presentable to the next con he attends, helping others to complete their own cosplays in a timely manner, and stocking up his own merch to sell at cons. And that's not taking into account keeping up with his SNS accounts, updating his website and online store, and making sure he keeps a consistent and entertaining presence online for others to want to follow.</p><p class="western">In spite of all of this, he does try to make time in the evening for a social life of <em>some</em> sort. If not for the sake of having a life, then for the sake of his mental health.</p><p class="western">Every night, he takes a few hours off to go do something completely non-work related. He either takes Makkachin to the nearest dog park to play with her to their hearts content, goes out to the local movie theatre and catches a current movie, or he spends a quiet evening in with Christophe (and, occasionally, Masumi as well). Those nights tend to be filled with either some local take out or getting adventurous and attempting to recreate a whole new recipe of something they've never had before but saw online somewhere. And then they relax in the living room, enjoy dinner, and either catch up on a TV show they're all watching or play an old, loved video game to help unwind.</p><p class="western">It's a simple comfort Viktor's been deeply missing.</p><p class="western">It briefly reminds him of the old days, with old friends, but he does his best to divert his attention elsewhere when old memories try to resurface. He instead tries to focus on the sound of Christophe's laugh when he slams his boyfriend's Smash Bros character of choice over the edge of the stage, on the feeling of Makkachin nudging her head against his hand in an effort to get him to pet her, on the taste of delicious, home-cooked food on his tongue, and how it settles comfortably in his stomach.</p><p class="western">They're small things, but they're enough.</p><p class="western">It's only been a week since Viktor's started doing this, but wishes he'd started sooner.</p><p class="western">He stills talk to Yuuri everyday. There's some periods of inactivity in their chat, as the two of them are busy with work and other things, but they always come back to that little shared space on their Twitter accounts, especially at the end of the day.</p><p class="western">Although there's the occasional twinge of pain when Viktor thinks about how fast his heart still beats when he talks to Yuuri, he still finds himself smiling all the same when they spend time catching up. Talking to Yuuri and being his friend is still a joy he would never trade for anything in the world.</p><p class="western">Their chats still run long into the night, going until Viktor's unable to keep his eyes open and, inevitably, he falls asleep still holding his phone in his hand. Tired as Viktor is the next morning, he never regrets the extra time spent talking to him.</p><p class="western">But it's also not the only thing he has to look forward to anymore.</p><p class="western">He never used to spend so much time with Christophe, even though they live together. They always saw each other in passing, but their lives were often like parallel lines that never meet no matter how far they run. Even when they share hotel rooms at cons, they're both busy working their own jobs at the event, and only see each other now and then over the course of the weekend.</p><p class="western">Now they're dedicating some time to them hanging out like actual friends. It's nice to hear about Christophe's day job, about the variety of shoots he does with his customers. They even reminiscence about old times in middle school, laughing at how far they've come since that moment Christophe approached Viktor on the playground to ask him what game he was playing on his Gameboy Advance.</p><p class="western">There's not much about the past Viktor likes to remember, but that memory is a golden one.</p><p class="western">When Christophe is busy with his own personal life and relationship, Viktor finds entertainment elsewhere, little things that he can enjoy, even if it's on his own. Sometimes he enjoys them because it's on his own. No expectations from anyone else, no going at anyone else's pace.</p><p class="western">Briefly, he considers an old habit of his: going out to a bar and trying to meet someone. Or, at least, find a way to forget about someone in particular with someone else. But Viktor resists the old temptation. It wasn't helpful a year ago, when the only worth he felt was when someone used his body to find their own pleasure, and it's not something he really wants to go back to.</p><p class="western">He wants to meet someone, someday. He wants to feel what real love is like. The kind where lives are shared.</p><p class="western">It's too soon to try and look elsewhere. He'll wait until the butterflies he feels from Yuuri dissipate on their own, first. However long that takes.</p><p class="western">He's got other things to focus on right now, anyway. And those things, so far, seem to be working out for him. Life might be a little on the predictable side right now, but that's all right with him.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">This is why, a week or so after his last convention attendance, Viktor is left utterly flabbergasted when he sees the final guest announcement that Duetto Con makes on their Facebook page.</p><p class="western">Viktor knew he was going to be announced soon. The guest announcements for the con have been trickling out over the past couple of months, to continuously entice old and new attendees into parting with their dollar to come attend the weekend event. Most of the guests have been publicly declared by now. Voice actors, writers, artists, other cosplay guests.</p><p class="western">In today's update, the staff declare their, <em>“Last, but certainly not least”</em> guests of the con.</p><p class="western">Plural. So not just him?</p><p class="western">Obviously Viktor is one of them, given he hasn't been announced yet. That much he suspects. But not once does he ever expect to see who takes up the <em>other</em> cosplay guest slot next to him.</p><p class="western">The final announcement leaves him staring blankly at his phone that evening. He's sitting out on the grass of his backyard while Makkachin plays with one of her favourite toys. It squeaks loudly with each squeeze of her teeth around it. The sun is still high in the sky despite the late hour, and he can hear children loudly playing a few yards over.</p><p class="western">All of it feels distant from him, like he's physically far away from reality. All Viktor can hear is his blood pounding in his ears as he reads the announcement over and over again. Because, edited into a single image, in a picture next to one of him, there is a cosplay group photo of <em>Terra Incognita Cosplay</em>. And Yuuri is most definitely in that picture.</p><p class="western">What was a calming evening outside in the fresh air, shoes and socks off so he can feel the cool grass beneath his feet, is turning into something else altogether.</p><p class="western">In less than a month, he and Yuuri are going to be in the same state, in the same building, sitting at guest tables in the <em>same room</em>.</p><p class="western">It's a lot to take in.</p><p class="western">A Twitter notification pops up at the top of his phone. Viktor doesn't need to look to know who is messaging him right now, likely with the same level of shock.</p><p class="western">With a shaky breath, Viktor opens the DM up.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you guesting at Duetto Con?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Uh, yeah</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Surprise?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're guesting too?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We accepted a few weeks ago, I guess some fans requested us or something</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're seriously guesting????</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well, I'm not that invested in lying on the internet about where I'll be</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So, yes, I am</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay okay okay</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor can feel tension building in his body. Yuuri sounds anything but happy about the revelation. It makes Viktor think back to the last con they were both in attendance at, and... well, he's seen for himself in the form of a con vlog how well that went for Yuuri. He also remembers how nervous Yuuri got when he appeared on that one Patreon stream not long after that, too. Whatever it is, something about Viktor makes Yuuri nervous to a point of shutting down.</p><p class="western">Viktor likes to think that, after a few months of chatting daily, with how comfortable things seemed when they last video chatted, that they're long past that point. But he also can't see inside Yuuri's head. Maybe there's something Yuuri's not telling him. Some other factor that's completely out of Viktor's orbit of thought. Yuuri's current reaction appears to support that theory.</p><p class="western">Maybe he should just change the subject?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>They posted the schedule today, too</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Have you given it a look?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>...Oh, they did?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>One sec, I gotta check something real quick</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor considers checking the schedule himself – he won't have a lot of time at the con to do much, but maybe he can squeeze something into his own personal agenda – but before he has the chance to open the available document up, Yuuri's back in his DMs.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh no</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh no oh no oh no</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This CAN'T be happening right now</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What's wrong?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The lip sync!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>They put it on FRIDAY</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh. Is that bad?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YES</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We're always doing lip sync panels and we agreed with them to make it a big event at the con if we guest, but it never occurred to me that it would be on any day other than Saturday. We arranged everything as if it would be</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>This completely fucks with our cosplay plans!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>The plans can't change?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wish, but we're doing a group on Friday with Sara and Mila and another one on Saturday. On Saturday, we're supposed to be having a unofficial cosplay meet up for CLAMP cosplayers too</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>My lip sync is for Ruby Moon, not Sesshoumaru!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I mean, maybe there's a way to switch it all around, but there's a lot of people involved, and they all have their own plans too and we can't ask the staff to change the schedule either when they've spent the last month or more working it all out and holy shit I'm fukced I'm so fucjekd,dlcdacdlk;c</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't know what to say. He's never been good with calming people down when they're on the verge of panic, or tears, or any intense emotion. He never knows what to say or do, and if past experiences are anything to go by, his attempts never pan out well anyway. It's a weakness of his, he admits.</p><p class="western">But he's gotta try. He can't just sit there while Yuuri panics.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri, it'll be fine</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So you gotta lip sync as someone else? You can pull it off! You're a master at this stuff</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm FUCKED is what I am!!!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I've spent months choreographing this shit! I have to change EVERYTHING in less than a month?! That's not enough time to do anything! This is a DISASTER IN THE MAKING</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It doesn't have to be! You finished all your costumes, right? Maybe Phichit or someone can help you? I'd offer but I'm no dance expert, I wouldn't be of any real help </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can be your cheerleader, though!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri, I know you can pull this off</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't!!!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Take a deep breath. We can figure this out</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You said yourself that maybe things can be switched around? Talk it over with everyone involved first. Maybe your groups can be moved around, you never know</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Figure out what everyone else is able to do first before you freak out over whether or not you need to change your routine</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Deep! Breaths!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'M BREATHING, I SWEAR</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well, good! Because I can't exactly teleport there and make sure that you are!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sorry this</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>this is just a l o t</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm trying to process everything and it feels like my chest is going to explode</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor feels every word sink into the pit of his stomach. He has a suspicion, and he can't help but swallow back the apprehension and ask it out loud.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's not just about the scheduling, is it?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>what do you mean?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I know it has a lot to do with your plans, but...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you also freaking out because I'm going to be there?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>... I mean</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Kinda</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Look, I dunno if you know this, but... I've tried to meet you before? Several times? And I always backed out because I got too nervous</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Oh, Viktor knows. But he sees the three dots at the bottom bouncing as Yuuri continues to write, so he keeps his mouth shut and waits for the rest of his reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wanted to meet you at my very best, but my best just never felt good enough at the time</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's embarrassing, tbh</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, Yuuri</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You were always good enough to meet me</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not that there's ever been any requirements, but if there were any, you easily exceed all of them</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor swallows around a growing lump in his throat.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If you really don't want to, I can leave you alone. I won't bother you at the con at all. I might smile or wave at you if we bump into each other, I don't want to be rude to you after all, but I'll keep my distance</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Whatever you want, I'll comply with</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't want to ruin your con</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>????</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor... you'd never...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No, no, let me start all over</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I know what I said, and it's true, but... I do want to meet you. As scared shitless as that makes me</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't want to disappoint you...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You could never disappoint me</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>See, you say that now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But in all seriousness, yes, I want to meet you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just. Just don't be surprised if I'm a giant disaster when it happens? If I say something stupid or stare at you all bug-eyed or trip over my own damn feet, because SOMETHING stupid is going to happen and neither of us is gonna be able to ignore it</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We video chatted just fine though? Am I really that intimidating?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not necessarily intimidating, but... okay, fine, maybe. You're a very impressive person</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And I guess there's a degree of separation when it's just text on a screen, or your voice, or even a small video of you on my phone. Like, it's YOU, but it's also not? On my phone, it's you, my friend, not you, one of the most popular cosplayers around</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But... I don't want to let that get in the way of meeting you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't want to be scared of something that could be amazing</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So, if you want to, then I'm definitely down to meet you at the con</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm sure everyone else would be thrilled to hang out with you, too! Especially if Chris is around. I'm sure they'd want you to come hang out with us in our room. Our room is always a party room no matter what con we're at, so you'd be more than welcome to come hang out with us whenever you wanted to</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>:')</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'd be honoured to meet up with you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If you change your mind between now and then, PLEASE tell me! I'll understand! I'm not holding you to anything. Your comfort matters more to me</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I won't. I'm determined not to</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Maybe the rest of the weekend is going to be a nightmare of epic proportions because of things that are out of my control, but I refuse to let this be one of them</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So we are going to meet up, something stupid will happen, and THEN we will have a great time!!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor bites his lip against a smile.</p><p class="western">God, it's so attractive when Yuuri gets like this. Like he's on fire from the inside out, pumped up with his own ambition even when his gut instinct is to run away. Viktor can feel his blood thrumming in his veins from all the excitement. He's going to have to get a handle on this before the con happens.</p><p class="western">A few weeks is enough time to sort his feelings out, isn't it?</p><p class="western">Well, only one way to find out.</p><p class="western">But, like Yuuri says, Viktor's also not going to let himself get in the way of an amazing time, either.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So, I guess</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll see you in a few weeks, then?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You most definitely will</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor is too excited to sleep that night.</p><p class="western">It's how he finds himself lying in his bed, petting Makkachin's fur as he watches videos on <em>Terra Incognita's</em> Patreon page.</p><p class="western">He really shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be going through Yuuri's cosplay work, not when he's trying to get over the boy. But, in his excitement, he can't help but rewatch one of their latest videos.</p><p class="western">It's a music video that the group commissioned from Christophe at their last con, which his friend finally finished editing a few weeks ago. It features the costumes they did on the Sunday of that con, the same day Yuuri last attempted to meet Viktor.</p><p class="western">He recalls all of the praising he heaped on top of Yuuri when the video dropped on their Patreon, all of his all-cap shouting about how cool Yuuri looks in the video, how mysterious and undeniably sexy.</p><p class="western"><em>Sexy???</em> Yuuri had typed back. <em>Omg, no way. I'm a terrible Sesshoumaru. I couldn't even see two feet in front of me, I'm just scowling the whole time.</em></p><p class="western"><em>Yeah, and it makes people weak in the knees when they see you,</em> Viktor had typed back.</p><p class="western">(And by people, Viktor totally meant himself.)</p><p class="western">They had to agree to disagree that day.</p><p class="western">The video itself is fairly simple. Mostly aesthetic shots of the cosplayers in various scenic locations that could be found near the hotel and convention center. There's plenty of trees and sunlight, even a large field of tall grass. All of the different, slow-panning shots lovingly show off everyone's costumes, and gives everyone a chance to pose and move around in character.</p><p class="western">There's a few shots that Viktor assumes are a throw back to the anime canon, with several members of the group posed around Phichit and his character in a menacing way. There's even several action shots, including one with two swords, one significantly larger than the other, crossing and meeting each other in the middle of the frame, Phichit on one side and Yuuri on the other, the two glaring at each other heatedly.</p><p class="western">Other shots are more amusing: Guang Hong's character bouncing around Phichit's like a child high on sugar, appearing to be berating and annoying the hell out of Phichit, Leo's character straight up flipping off Phichit's from afar while Phichit gestures at his crotch and appears to be shouting obscenities.</p><p class="western">The whole thing is enjoyable to watch, even though he has no knowledge of the source material.</p><p class="western">Yuuri had a terrible day – a bad weekend in general – when the shots for this video were taken. But, watching Yuuri move on the screen of his phone now, Viktor is determined to make sure Duetto Con isn't a repeat of Chihoko Con.</p><p class="western">If Viktor's insides turn to liquid when Yuuri's eyes smoulder in the bright sunlight and harsh shadows of nearby trees, hand poised in such a way to show off long claws, then it's his problem to deal with later.</p><p class="western">Which he will.</p><p class="western">Because he's an idiot with feelings.</p><p class="western">For now, he watches his screen intently, and he thinks to himself: <em>I am so fucked come Duetto Con.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OH BOY, I WONDER WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT CHAPTER, NO ONE WILL EVER GUESS</p><p>Fun fact, I did see an actual GIANT Cherubimon cosplay a few years ago and I nearly lost my shit. It looked PERFECT, like it literally stepped out of the Digimon movie/s!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. flying into your arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another extra long chapter, as another treat.</p><p>Before anyone asks/worries: no, absolutely nothing happens to Vicchan or Makkachin while everyone's away at con. We're not doing THAT plot twist!</p><p>If anyone wants to guess which two particular American cons I'm basing Duetto Con off of, feel free to~ It's probably very, very obvious. I'm gonna note I have not been to either of these cons, but I do watch way too many con vlogs for my own good lol. I am making some stuff up and combining some other things and doing whatever the hell I feel like for the resort/con that's in this fic tho, so if something isn't an exact 1:1 ratio, that is why. MY FIC, MY RULES, AND MY RULES DICTATE THAT THIS WILL BE THE BEST CON EVER.</p><p>Cosplay notes:</p><p>A guest liaison is basically someone a convention assigns to a guest to make sure all of their needs are met. They deliver communication between the guest and the staff running the con, they make sure the guest gets to wherever they're needed without trouble, etc. It's basically their whole job for the weekend.</p><p>(I didn't know the term for this until exactly this week lmao. There's an entire wiki for running cons! How did I find this so late in the game????)</p><p>Unravel is the opening song for the first season of Tokyo Ghoul. It fucking slaps, my friends. The covers on Youtube are also amazing, especially the Jonathan Young and OR3O/RichaadEB ones.</p><p>Vocaloid is basically synthesized computer programs that can sing music and have characters/designs for each individual voice. Miku Hatsune is the most popular/well known one, but there are SO many out there. There's even been in real life concerts for them!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“I need your help.”</p><p class="western">Phichit looks up at Yuuri from his laptop. The screen is on one of many slides that they've been working on all evening for one of the panels the Duetto Con staff requested they host. Aside from the lip sync, there's two other panels their group is responsible for: “Cosplay, Social Media, and You,” and “Crossplay 101.” Yuuri's not involved with the social media panel, that's more Phichit and Guang Hong's field of expertise, but the latter, oh boy, does the crossplay one ever need him.</p><p class="western">Given the current state of Yuuri's on-going post-schedule panic, Phichit is taking care of everything so that he can focus primarily on the most important part of his weekend.</p><p class="western">(Well, the second most important part. The first happens to be a 5'11, silver-haired boy he's going to meet in less than two weeks.)</p><p class="western">He's grateful for Phichit stepping up, but Yuuri feels bad for making Phichit work so many extra hours in his free time to get both of them ready for the convention. So, after he's done work and his extra hours in the studio, trying to wrangle together a whole new routine for a character he's really not all that comfortable wearing even around the con floor, he sits in the living room with Phichit in the evening and gives him all the first hand information he needs to put together a hopefully solid slide show that's accessible for the average con attendee.</p><p class="western">He's trying to focus on the task at hand, truly he is, but Yuuri's mind wants to fixate on something more urgent than explaining to strangers how to look like a convincing, fictional lady.</p><p class="western">After a week of freaking out over this in the privacy of his mind, he's finally ready to ask for any kind of advice his friend can offer him.</p><p class="western">“Help with what?” Phichit asks when Yuuri doesn't elaborate any further. “I thought I was already helping.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries not to squirm in his seat. He sits in silence as he attempts to find the words to delicately explain his conundrum.</p><p class="western">“Did we forget something again?” Phichit says when the silence drags on too long. “We went through the checklist last weekend, everything looked good to go.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head as he bites the tender flesh around the nail of his thumb.</p><p class="western">“Oh, no. Something's already broken, isn't it? Please tell me it's not one of the wings. Those were a bitch to get done.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head again. “No, no. Nothing like that.”</p><p class="western">Phichit gives him a quick glance over. He leans back against the arm of the couch, delicately balancing his laptop atop his crossed legs. “Sooooo, what's up then? I can't help but notice you've been biting your fingers all evening.”</p><p class="western">“Not biting,” Yuuri says around his thumb.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri. You're doing it right now.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri drops his hand into his lap with a slap.</p><p class="western">Phichit clears his throat and takes the plunge Yuuri can't bring himself to go through with. “Is this Viktor related?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“Is it because you two agreed to meet at the con? Are you having second thoughts?”</p><p class="western">“Not second thoughts...”</p><p class="western">“Then what?”</p><p class="western">“I...” Yuuri wets his lips. “I think. I think I might have a crush. On Viktor.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's mouth falls open and his brow lifts straight up into his fringe. Yuuri expects his friend to declare some sort of surprise, to ask for how long he's felt like this, maybe even congratulate him on how he's “finally” levelled up into some phase of adulthood that's eluded him for his whole life.</p><p class="western">Instead, Phichit claps his hands together and shouts to the ceiling, “Finally! Oh, thank fuck! I thought we were going to have to deal with this at the con, but holy shit, you actually figured it out!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri deadpans, “Excuse me?”</p><p class="western">“I mean, it was pretty obvious.” Phichit shrugs.</p><p class="western">“How obvious?!”</p><p class="western">“Remember when we invited him onto our stream and you guys flirted for like half an hour?”</p><p class="western">“We didn't <em>flirt.</em>”</p><p class="western">Phichit clucks his tongue. “Debatable. But anyway, I told you back then he was totally coming onto you, right? And you got all flustered and denied it. Except what did you do next? You fucking send the boy a hot selfie of yourself, and then you guys start chatting all day and night, non stop, for nearly <em>three months</em>. If that doesn't scream a giant crush to me, then I don't know what does.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares into space for a long minute, as the puzzle pieces in his head finally slot themselves into place. They all audibly click in his head, each snap more decisive than the last.</p><p class="western">When Phichit puts it like that... It's hard to deny. Even harder to ignore.</p><p class="western">Has he – has he <em>seriously</em> had a crush on Viktor for longer than he's even realized?!</p><p class="western">“... It wasn't a <em>hot</em> selfie?” Yuuri attempts to downplay.</p><p class="western">“You,” Phichit says as he points directly at him, “are a <em>disaster </em>gay. The biggest disaster gay to have ever gayed. Second only to Viktor, who, for some reason, hasn't out right asked you out by now. Unless he's done that? Have you been holding out on me?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri frowns. “What? No. No, no, no. Who says he likes me back?”</p><p class="western">Phichit snorts back a laugh. “Do I need to do a deep dive into that one, too?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe? Wait, no, please don't.” Yuuri runs a hand through his hair. “I really don't think he likes me back, but I'm not entirely sure what he feels. That's why I need your help.”</p><p class="western">“You want to woo him at the con?”</p><p class="western">“N –” Yuuri pauses.“Um. I dunno? Do I? I don't know what to do. I've never had a crush before. And especially not on someone who lives far away. What's the protocol for something like this?”</p><p class="western">Phichit makes a noncommittal noise. “Hell if I know. From what pop culture has taught me, you probably wanna take him on cute dates and hold his hand in public and cuddle with him on the couch and make sweet, sweet –”</p><p class="western">“<em>Stop</em>,” Yuuri emphatically says.</p><p class="western">“<em>Dinners</em> with him, I was going to say,” Phichit says with the tease of a smirk on his lips. “I'm sorry, but I don't really have easy answers for you. You know me. I don't do the whole romance thing. Just being friends with some benefits on the side is all that I need to be happy. Do you want sex tips? I can give you those. I know this one trick...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri buries his face into his hands and groans, long and low and loud.</p><p class="western">“Or,” Phichit laughs, “we can put a pin in that one and save it for later.”</p><p class="western">“<em>I'm fucked</em>,” Yuuri whines into his palms. “I'm supposed to meet him in less than two weeks, and he's going to take one look at me and know in an instant I have a huge crush on him! It'll ruin everything!”</p><p class="western">“Y'know, not necessarily.” Setting his laptop down onto the living room table, Phichit turns in his seat to better face Yuuri, one leg crossed while the other stretches comfortably out. “Remember when Guang Hong was crushing on Leo?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “Unfortunately.”</p><p class="western">“It was stupidly painful to watch, wasn't it?”</p><p class="western">“Tell me about it.”</p><p class="western">Phichit nods. “What made it so painful to watch was Guang Hong just kept making all these weird assumptions about Leo without much evidence to support it. Like, he was absolutely convinced he was already taken.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri throws himself back against the couch and settles into a tired, slumped position. “He was convinced Leo was dating <em>you.</em>”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins. “Right. Because I'll flirt with anyone who is cute. I've got nothing to lose except a good time. And Leo doesn't care what I do because he's a patient, tolerant guy who thinks it's harmless fun. And it was. Or I thought so at the time.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Yuuri says, “but then Guang Hong got really upset that one night.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri remembers it vividly. Late Saturday night at a local con in their state, he came back to their hotel room only to walk in on Guang Hong – who, at the time, Yuuri barely knew – crying alone on his bed. And not the kind of crying you can pretend you didn't hear or see; it was choking sobs, shaky breathing, a struggle to hold yourself together yet falling to pieces anyway because of the immense pressure.</p><p class="western">Sadly, given how that particular weekend had been going, Yuuri had sensed some sort of crash was about to hit. It felt inevitable, so he wasn't entirely surprised to have stumbled across it. Seeing someone cry at a con is certainly not an out of place thing to see. Emotions usually tend to run high, and the highs are often as steep as the lows.</p><p class="western">Yuuri regrets the fact that he hadn't done much to help Guang Hong at the time – hadn't known <em>what</em> to do for him. The look on Guang Hong's face when he looked at Yuuri pleaded for something, anything, to give him even a little relief. All Yuuri could come with were useless questions like, "Uh, do you want some water? Tissues? A pillow?"</p><p class="western">Thankfully Leo stepped into the room shortly after he had, the timing completely coincidental, and Yuuri was able to duck out and leave the two of them to talk things out.</p><p class="western">Looking back on it now, with fresh eyes and his own insecure feelings bubbling beneath the surface, makes the memory hit a little differently.</p><p class="western">“One of us should have said something sooner,” Yuuri says, “so Guang Hong didn't end up wasting half of his vacation being so stressed out. I know he was fine after he and Leo sorted it all out, but that first half was terrible to watch.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, you're right,” Phichit agrees. “We kinda fucked up there. I can understand why he got so upset back then. I do come on a little harder than I mean to sometimes, and it couldn't have been easy to see me flirt with Leo all over the place in front of him. I honestly didn't realize just how much he seriously liked Leo at the time. Not until you told me what happened.”</p><p class="western">Phichit then holds up a pointed finger. “But! And this is a big but, mind you. If Guang Hong had just <em>asked</em> us what the deal was, he could have saved himself a lot of stress and anguish. He wouldn't have gotten as jealous as he did.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri thinks of his own situation, and he can't help but shake his head. “I don't know if it's that simple. He was probably scared Leo would reject him. They were pretty good friends first. Maybe...” Yuuri swallows thickly. “Maybe he thought Leo wouldn't want to be his friend anymore, if he knew what Guang Hong really felt.”</p><p class="western">Phichit hums. “True. But if you never take that leap, then you'll also never know.” He nudges his socked foot against Yuuri's leg. “Is that what you're worried about? That you'll tell Viktor and he'll reject you?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri diverts his gaze. The answer is so plain and easy, it hurts. “How can he not?”</p><p class="western">“You said yourself you don't know how he feels.”</p><p class="western">“I'm pretty certain he doesn't like me like that, though.”</p><p class="western">“How can you be sure?”</p><p class="western">“Because...” Yuuri sighs. “Because why would anyone like him want someone like me? I'm fine as a friend, I guess, but there's no way I'm acceptable boyfriend material.”</p><p class="western">“You don't know that.”</p><p class="western">“I know I've <em>barely</em> kissed another human being,” Yuuri blurts out, wincing at the sharpness of his voice. But he's unable to stop himself from word vomiting the thoughts he's been wrecked with all week. “How is that going to be appealing to him? No one wants to date a mid-20s virgin, Phichit. He knows I don't have any experience.”</p><p class="western">Phichit frowns. “Is this is about more than just having a crush? Are you having a crisis of some sort?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tightly crosses his arms over his chest, as though it'll help settle the powerful thudding of his heart. “I don't know. I feel so confused. I've spent my whole life not feeling anything close to this. I've never <em>wanted</em> anyone before. I don't know what to do with myself. I picture telling him, and I imagine him rejecting me, and it... it <em>hurts. </em>I can hear it so clearly in my head. <em>'Oh, you like me? I'm flattered, but I think we're better off as friends.'</em>”</p><p class="western">Phichit says nothing for a moment.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sniffs decisively and turns his head away completely.</p><p class="western">“I think,” Phichit says, slowly, “that you should probably just <em>ask</em> Viktor what he feels, instead of playing mind games with yourself like this. You're only hurting yourself at this point. Do you need the hotel room at some point over the weekend to talk with him? Because I can make it happen. I won't even tell Leo or Guang Hong why, I'll just say it's private and you guys can take your time.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows thickly. “I don't – I don't know if I can do that... Just because Guang Hong and Leo worked it out in a hotel room doesn't mean Viktor and I can. I feel like I'm willingly walking into a nightmare, Phichit. I don't wanna lie on a hotel bed and cry my eyes out because I'm not good enough for someone. I'm not ready to be feeling this stuff.”</p><p class="western">Phichit looks away too, his face contemplative.</p><p class="western">“I wish I had an easy answer for you,” he says. “Basically, there are two choices you can make, but I don't think you need me to spell those out for you.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">Phichit sighs. “All I can say is do what feels right in the moment. If you get to the con and decide you never want to tell him? Do that. If you get there and you think you need to tell him, no matter what the outcome? Then do that. You still have time to figure it out. There's probably parts of it you can't figure out until we're all there, anyway.”</p><p class="western">“That's the part I hate most,” Yuuri confesses. “The waiting. It makes me sick to my stomach.”</p><p class="western">“I wish I could do something about that, but I haven't mastered time travel yet.” Phichit pats his laptop. “But! There's plenty of stuff we need to do to get ready for the con. So if you need some distractions, we've got plenty of 'em.”</p><p class="western">The corner of Yuuri's mouth quirks upward. “I thought you said the other day that you had it all taken care of.”</p><p class="western">“I do,” Phichit says, “but I'll always welcome a little help. Just because I have all of the prints we'll need and a <em>million</em> sharpies doesn't mean I have everything organized or packed away yet. Not to mention we still have this power point to hammer out.”</p><p class="western">Well, Phichit does have a good point.</p><p class="western">If Yuuri's stuck waiting, then he might as well keep his mind off things as best he can until the moment of truth.</p><p class="western">(That might be easier said than actually done, but Yuuri's willing to try.)</p><p class="western">“Hand over the laptop,” he says, reaching out a hand and flexing his fingers. “Lemme look over what we got.”</p><p class="western">“Here you go. I'm still working on the part explaining how blush works. While you're doing that, I'm can start going through our videos and see if we have any useful footage we can put into the presentation for some extra flair. We can save ourselves a lot of confusion if we literally show the audience what we're talking about while we're explaining things.” Phichit lifts himself off the couch and stretches his back. “But first, a drink. You want anything while I'm up?”</p><p class="western">“Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though.”</p><p class="western">“If you're suuuuure,” Phichit sings on his way to the kitchen.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's clarifying a minor bit of information concerning blush and the different effects you can get out of its placement on your face when Phichit pokes his head out of the kitchen and asks, “Um, Yuuri? I was just thinking, and... y'know how I still jokingly flirt with Leo sometimes, right? Just for fun?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Yuuri says, not looking up.</p><p class="western">“Do you think I should stop?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stops typing and looks at him. “You're rethinking the Guang Hong situation, aren't you.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I don't get jealousy, like, at all, and it's always just been a joke, but now I'm wondering if maybe it's too much.”</p><p class="western">“Guang Hong's never said anything. Not to me, anyway.”</p><p class="western">“He doesn't <em>need</em> to say anything half the time,” Phichit points out. “He has an extremely expressive face.”</p><p class="western">Something occurs to Yuuri then, and he can't help but almost smirk at his friend as he says, “Well, you can't read minds, so you might as well ask him how he feels about it.”</p><p class="western">Phichit gasps. “Yuuri! Using my own wisdom against me. How could you?!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snickers. “Only because it's so good and applicable. Lemme know how the discussion goes.”</p><p class="western">“Traitor!”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The next week and a half fly by so much faster than Yuuri is ready for.</p><p class="western">Between work, creating a new choreography, and his evenings helping Phichit ready their group for their new responsibilities at a fairly large con, it's actually a wonder that Yuuri gets any sleep. But every night, like clockwork, he's out by the time his head hits his pillow.</p><p class="western">The frenzy is actually pretty handy in that way. Yuuri's temporary schedule sucks so much energy out of him, not even his anxiety can keep up him late. Small miracles, he supposes.</p><p class="western">His ultimate goal lingers at the back of his mind, though. Always lurking, no matter what Yuuri's trying to focus on. The fact that he's about to meet someone he's looked up to since he was an awkward teenager. So many emotions swirl themselves into a mess in his gut: anxiety, anticipation, excitement, and a little bit of something else that is nameless but no less strong.</p><p class="western">He's not going to back down, though. No matter what else happens, this <em>will</em> be the con he finally meets Viktor.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri counts down the days, one by one, until they finally leave for Ohio.</p><p class="western">It's about a 3 hour drive from Detroit to the con, give or take traffic and pit stops. Everyone is all set to leave late Thursday morning after Leo and Guang Hong meet up at Yuuri and Phichit's apartment, so that they'll arrive at their hotel at a decent hour. It's their usual convention game plan: leave early, arrive early, and then properly rest up for a busy first day.</p><p class="western">(After years of doing basically the exact opposite, they've all long since learned their lesson and have figured out the best way to start their vacation.)</p><p class="western">Accidents can still happen, though. Last time, Yuuri royally messed up and forgot his medication, which forced them to turn around to go back for it. It was only the first domino to fall in what was a disaster of a weekend. This happened months ago, yet the memory still stings.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's determined to avoid a repeat performance.</p><p class="western">His medication is the very first thing he packs this time around. His bottles remain home, but he has light blue weekly pill case that he likes to use for occasions such as this. He organizes exactly the amount he'll need while he's away, and then he stores it properly in his luggage where it cannot possibly fall out or get misplaced in between then and the con.</p><p class="western">Yuuri has two separate sets of luggage for convention weekends: one for his cosplay gear, and another for his “civilian” stuff. And, folded and set aside in the civvy luggage, there is a medium sized bag he reserves for whatever he ends up buying at the con itself. Which isn't much these days, he's not as interested in loading up on goodies at cons anymore, but there's always a few things that catch his eye.</p><p class="western">He always likes to pack several days before actually leaving. He starts even earlier this time because of what happened with Chihoko Con, and he triple checks every time something is added.</p><p class="western">By Wednesday afternoon, the day before they leave, all of Yuuri's luggage sits by his bedroom door, ready for the trip.</p><p class="western">Vicchan sniffs at it and gives Yuuri the saddest look imaginable, a look he reserves for only when the luggage is out of storage.</p><p class="western">“Aww, Vicchan,” Yuuri coos as he kneels down to pet at his pupper. “You know how it is. It's only for a weekend. I'll be back Monday.”</p><p class="western">Vicchan snorts and buries his face into Yuuri's hand.</p><p class="western">“You like Lii,” he says, and Vicchan perks up at the name of his dogsitter. “You'll have loads of fun without me.”</p><p class="western">Vicchan just snorts.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs to himself and continues to pet his furry friend.</p><p class="western">“Pray for me, Vicchan,” he murmurs quietly. “I'm going to need all the help I can get.”</p><p class="western">His phone chooses then to go off, but it's not Viktor who messages him.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Leo:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>YUURI</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>HELP</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>With what?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Leo:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>My sister found my make up and messed some of it up. My contour palette is TOAST. I'm never going to get it all out of the carpet asdfghjkfdfghj</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wasn't super happy with it anyway but now I definitely need a new one. Would you go to the drug store with me and help me find something better? You know this stuff way better than I do :' D</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol oh boy</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, sure. Meet you there in 5?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Leo:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>BLESS YOU</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>-</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">What starts as a quick “get in, get a palette, and get out” quickly turns into a long browsing session for the two of them. It just so happens there are lots of things Leo needs to stock up on for his cosplay make-up stash, and he asks for Yuuri's opinion on almost everything he picks up off the shelf.</p><p class="western">Yuuri helps as best he can – given how much make up he wears, he's tried a lot of different brands, and he has opinions on almost everything Leo holds up to him. What's generally good, what's worth the extra money if you really care about quality, what's okay if you're short on cash, and what's an absolute waste of time no matter what the price.</p><p class="western">Admittedly, it makes for a fun, little break. Yuuri likes looking at all of the shiny, new packages of colourful make-up, especially the newer products he hasn't had a chance to test out yet. He even considers grabbing a few new things for himself while he's there. Even if he doesn't use them at the con, there will be future opportunities to test them out.</p><p class="western">At the back of Yuuri's mind, he wonders what Viktor would think of the products he and Leo go over. What Viktor would be into now, years after he's stopped wearing that kind of make-up. Aside from face paint, Viktor does wear basic foundation and some contour for his cosplay modelling, even a small touch of eyeliner to make his eyes stand out, but Yuuri wants to know what colour eyeshadow current Viktor would like, what lip shade he'd want to glide over his lips.</p><p class="western">(That last thought in particular has Yuuri audibly swallowing.)</p><p class="western">As if on cue, a new message from Viktor chimes on his phone, the first one in several hours.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuuuriiiiiiiii!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I literally just finished packing! I am free until tomorrow!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Leo takes one look at Yuuri on his phone, and a slow smile slides onto his face. “I'm gonna go pay for these,” he says, a curious note to his voice. “Meet you outside?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, be there in a sec,” Yuuri answers, a touch distracted.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nice!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm out with Leo. He needed some new make up and an expert to help him pick stuff out</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oooh, an expert</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wonder who that is :3c</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Certainly not me lmao</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmmm are you sure about that?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Make up shopping with you must be so fun though. You know so much stuff! I bet you'd have all kinds of fun stories too from all the stuff you've worn and for what costumes. You should make more videos about this stuff! I'd love to hear more of your opinions</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri grins.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's funny you say that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was actually just wondering what YOUR thoughts would be on all this stuff</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aaaaahahahaaaa</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't have any thoughts</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't even let myself look at that stuff when I need to replenish the little make up I do have</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Really? Not even a little curious?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wouldn't say I'm not curious, but...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just don't look at it. It feels too tempting? I don't even use eyeshadow when I use face paint like I've seen some other people do. I just get face paint in other colours and work with that. I've seen some really interesting tutorials on Youtube, and I really like the effect you can get with eyeshadow</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, honestly, I'd really like to play around with them. Even if I look like shit afterwards, I think it'd be a fun experiment</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't help but think it'd be a bad idea though</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What do you think?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's brow lifts with interest.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't think it's a bad idea at all! Your normal cosplay make up is already really good, but I think adding in eyeshadow and other kinds of make up to your repertoire would really help level it up too?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's not a criticism, btw! There's no right way to do make up. It's just a thought is all</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But even outside of that, if you want eyeshadow to use as actual eyeshadow, for other costumes or even just for everyday make-up, I still think it's a good idea. Whatever makes you happy, right?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmm </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have to ask</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If you could have any colour eye shadow, or lip colour, or whatever make up you wanted no matter what, what would you go for?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Huh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't really know? Make up is so much different now than it used to be</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm kinda curious about highlighters, I like the shimmer a lot</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But... well. Okay, don't laugh, but I think about blue lipstick a lot? We never really had that when I was a teen. Nothing good, anyway. Only different shades of red and brown, maybe a black or red-based purple if you were lucky. Now there's so many different colours! I see people online wearing blue of all kinds of shades and I just think, “Wow, I would've been so into that”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's a silly thought, though. I'd look...</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I don't think it's silly</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Blue would look amazing on you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>:' )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aaaanyway! Have fun make up shopping! I'm gonna go clean up around the house so it looks nice when I come home next week</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay! Talk to you later!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri pockets his phone again and exhales deeply. He's not sure what he expected. He can sense how interested Viktor still is in all this, how much he wants to dip his toes back into the scene, but he's obviously still holding himself back.</p><p class="western">Deep down, Yuuri wishes Viktor didn't feel like he had to.</p><p class="western">In a perfect world, Viktor can do whatever the hell he wants to and no one would give him any grief for it.</p><p class="western">Glancing up at the rows of make-up in front of him, Yuuri's eyes pass over a section of brightly coloured lipsticks from a brand he's pretty fond of. Like Viktor described, there's an assortment of wild and “unnatural” colours that were definitely less popular not that long ago but are much more accessible now.</p><p class="western">His eyes fall on one in particular, a shimmery, sapphire blue. Yuuri instantly imagines how it could look on Viktor's lips, how it could bring out the bright blue of his eyes, and in that moment, he wants to see it more than anything.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri takes a chance, and he takes one into his hand.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“It's currently Wednesday night, my lovely cosplay friends,” Phichit says into his vlogging camera. Yuuri and him are chilling in the living room, relaxing before the big day tomorrow. Yuuri's playing his copy of <em>Breath of the Wild</em> while Phichit hangs around and watches.</p><p class="western">“I know you all saw our announcement video! And the feedback has been utterly amazing. I didn't realize how many of you were also attending the con,” Phichit continues to talk to the camera. “We're super excited to guest at it this year. We have so much planned for you guys! We're going to try and film as much of it as possible. Which might be a little hard given how busy we're going to be, but we'll do our best. We even have plans to film our panels and post those online for you guys. And we'll be filming our lip sync event as well, so all of you dancing-Yuuri fans out there can watch out for that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a slight face at the mention of the lip sync, but keeps his attention on the TV screen.</p><p class="western">(His routine is... mostly ready. Mostly. As in it's <em>technically</em> done, but Yuuri's not at all satisfied with it. But years of overworking his dance routines have taught him that attempting to do anything about it now will only end in disaster, so there's little else he can do but distract himself by killing some Bokoblins.</p><p class="western">Besides, Minako kicked him out of the studio earlier that day. Something about “give your body a rest for once,” or whatever.)</p><p class="western">“There's another surprise we have in store,” Phichit teases, “and some of you who have hung around our streams might be able to guess what it is, buuuut I think we'll keep that one under wraps until the actual convention.”</p><p class="western">Momentarily lowering his camera, Phichit turns to Yuuri and stage-whispers, “Am I allowed to vlog about Viktor at the con?”</p><p class="western">“You're going to do it anyway,” Yuuri retorts.</p><p class="western">“Yes, but I thought it'd be nice to ask for your permission first.”</p><p class="western">“Then you have it,” Yuuri says, eyes still on the TV. “But you should probably ask Viktor too. I dunno how he feels about being vlogged.”</p><p class="western">“Okay, will do! And don't worry, I'll edit this bit out.” Phichit lifts his camera back up and resumes vlogging, mostly talking about the panels they'll be doing and giving a general idea of what the weekend will look like. Yuuri mostly tunes it out, turning it into background noise as he tries to figure out a stubborn Shrine that won't pony up the orb he wants.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's phone barks, yanking his attention away from his game.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuriiiiiiii</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Lol, hi Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So uh, tomorrow's the big day</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you excited/nervous/having any second thoughts yet?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes, yes, and absolutely not</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I was thinking though, did you still want to meet tomorrow night like planned? You said your drive is going to be almost six hours. If you want some time to rest up first, we can always meet up some other day during the weekend</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I wouldn't mind! I wanna meet you but I also don't want to do it while you're falling asleep standing up or something, it feels a little unfair to you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll be fine! I'm used to travelling : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But thank you for asking &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>No problem!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you sure you haven't changed your mind? I'll understand if you did</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Nope, I'm sure : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Just remember what I said about something 'stupid' though lol</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I gotta go, I promised Chris a relaxing evening in. We're going to play some Dragon Age and then hit the hay early. G'night, Yuuri! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>See you tomorrow! &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>See you tomorrow &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“That's all for today,” Phichit begins to conclude his vlogging for the night. “Tomorrow is Day 0, and the start to what is going to be a glorious weekend. We'll see you all there!”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's Thursday morning, and the start of their convention weekend.</p><p class="western">The routine is at once familiar and alien.</p><p class="western">Familiar because everyone shows up at the apartment on schedule with Starbucks in hand and snacks for the road, because Phichit has his vlogging camera out and is casually filming everything for the con vlog. Yuuri texts his dogsitter and confirms that she'll be in later that day to watch Vicchan like normal, they do one last sweep of the apartment to make sure the place is good to go for their absence, and then they all start packing things into Yuuri's car.</p><p class="western">The experience simultaneously feels alien because it's not just their regular gear they're stuffing into the car this time around, but there's also the things they need as guest of honour at the con, like the small boxes full of cosplay prints to be sold and signed.</p><p class="western">Their guest liaison – who introduced himself to them weeks ago as Emil – assured them that the con will take full responsibility of printing out a giant, matte sign for the group to hang up behind their table, a group cosplay pic that everyone agrees shows off their talents the best. The set up even includes a way to hang up different prints for con-goers to easily see as they pass by.</p><p class="western">But Phichit, in all his endless enthusiasm for making their first stint as big name cosplay guests at a large con the best ever, still took it upon himself to take it one step further.</p><p class="western">“I know we <em>could</em> just have all the prints in a binder,” Phichit says into the camera, “but I thought our table would look <em>way</em> better if we also had table displays! That way everything looks nice and professional, and more people can see what we have to offer without having to wait around to flip through a book. Artists do it all the time and it works for them just fine.”</p><p class="western">“Which is <em>great</em>,” Leo calls out from the back of the car, “but how the hell are we going to fit everything into the trunk? It was a tight squeeze last time without all this extra stuff.”</p><p class="western">Phichit rubs his chin and hums thoughtfully. “My friends. I'm afraid it's time for our least favourite game: Car Tetris<em>.</em>”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong groans. “I hate Car Tetris.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri adjusts his glasses. He didn't spend every anxiety-filled night as a teenager playing Tetris for nothing. “I'll handle this. Gimme your luggage, Guang Hong. You too, Leo.”</p><p class="western">It does all fit, technically speaking. If you don't include the fact that Leo and Guang Hong are most definitely going to also be a little squeezed into the mess in the back. Or that Phichit will be sitting with several boxes crammed next to where his feet are supposed to go. But no one makes a single complaint when they all file into the car; everyone just make themselves as comfortable as possible for the trip. They sit their heavily caffeinated Starbucks into their respective drink holders, stash their snacks within reaching distance, and they all settle in for the 3-ish hour drive to the hotel.</p><p class="western">Yuuri checks his phone one last time before he has to put it away. Viktor left his place not that long ago, and he warned Yuuri ahead of time that he'd be the one driving so he wouldn't be able to text him. He also said that anything Yuuri wants or needs to say on the way, Christophe will gladly reply in Viktor's place.</p><p class="western">Yuuri fires off a quick:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey! We're finally leaving now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Pray for me that I don't randomly crash the car into a ditch lmao</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The three dots appear, so Yuuri gives the other end a minute to reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hello~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor says have a safe drive and that he'll see you soon ; ) he also says no car crashes are allowed until he gets to say hi to you in person </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We look forward to seeing you</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>&lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts at Christophe's reply. Flirtatious as usual. He sets his phone aside and, after making sure everyone is good and ready to go, begins backing out of his parking spot.</p><p class="western">“I call dibs on the aux cord!” Guang Hong declares from the back as they pull out into the busy street.</p><p class="western">“Are we going to hear ten different versions of <em>Unravel</em> in the next hour?” Phichit asks as he hands the cord over with his free hand.</p><p class="western">“Noooo,” Guang Hong says despite the grin on his face. “Just five. And probably a lot of Vocaloid. I fell back down that hole last night.”</p><p class="western">“Ah, Vocaloid,” Leo sighs wistfully. “It's been so long since we cosplayed that.”</p><p class="western">Camera still recording, Phichit turns around in his seat, and says, “Hey, remember that time a little girl came up to us while we were doing our shoot, and...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but smile softly to himself while his friends reminiscence about old times. The days before their Youtube channel took off, when their cosplay internet presence was still fresh and new and slowly gaining traction. The days where they were just four friends who happened to meet at local cons and bond over their shared love of 2D characters and rich story telling. The days where they closely followed cosplay internet personalities who seemed so far above them all in skill and reach, never once dreaming they'd ever get as close.</p><p class="western">If you told them all those years ago ago that they'd be here, that they could lift themselves up this high into the sky, a much younger Yuuri wouldn't have believed you.</p><p class="western">Things are different now. This weekend alone is proof of that.</p><p class="western">Hands firmly gripping the steering wheel, Yuuri allows himself a moment while they're paused at a stop light to breathe even and deeply. He doesn't think about his responsibilities for the weekend, the expectations other have placed on him. He instead does his best to just sit in the moment and let it all simply be.</p><p class="western">This weekend is going to be different. He's made sure of it every step of the way so far. There will always be things out of his control, but the things that are have been managed to the best of his ability. If he's going to end up worrying himself sick yet again, then he'll do it in the moment of truth, and not a minute before.</p><p class="western">For now, he just needs to relax his shoulders, focus on the road, and let the next couple of hours fly by like the scenery outside of his vehicle.</p><p class="western">Given the infectious laughter and chatter going on inside said vehicle that fill Yuuri's heart with unbridled excitement for the coming weekend, it turns out to be not all that hard of an obstacle to jump over after all.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“We're here!” Phichit announces to his camera.</p><p class="western">Late in the afternoon, bordering into the early evening, they finally pull up front to the hotel resort they'll be staying at until next Monday morning.</p><p class="western">The hotel itself is impressive, honestly one of Yuuri's favourite places to stay at during a convention. It's spacious inside and out, with beautiful greenery and wide, open fields surrounding the resort. Absolutely perfect for outdoor shoots.</p><p class="western">Due to the location, it's honestly a bit of a drive to get to a nearby restaurant or grocery store, which can be a pain in the ass, but the setting makes up for the inconvenience. There are several restaurants inside the resort, anyway. Not to mention that delivery is also available.</p><p class="western">That's not all of the perks to the hotel, though. Attached to it is a large water park available to anyone who has a con badge. It's incredibly popular with con attendees, especially cosplayers who want to indulge in pool side shoots or bathing suit photography. With the summer and convention heat combined, it's the perfect place to cool off in at the end of a long day of costuming. Yuuri and his friends made frequent use of it last year, even had a make-shift shoot with nothing but their phones and enthusiasm. Yuuri's not so sure they'll get to use it as much this time around given their new responsibilities, but he's sure they'll make time for it at some point.</p><p class="western">Twenty minutes before their arrival, Phichit texted their guest liaison to inform them that they were set to arrive soon. And there they stand at the entrance to the hotel, wearing a bright blue Duetto Con Staff shirt. He looks about their age, with a scruff, short beard and moustache, and slightly messy hair. By all accounts, he appears friendly. He smiles broadly and waves at them as the four pull up to the hotel.</p><p class="western">Phichit respectfully turns off his camera before they begin to exit the car.</p><p class="western">“Hello!” their liaison greets. “You probably already guessed, but I'm Emil. It's nice to meet you guys. I'll be helping you out over the course of the weekend. How was the drive? Did you have any trouble getting here?'”</p><p class="western">“None at all,” Phichit answers for the tired group. “I hope we didn't keep you waiting long?”</p><p class="western">“Not at all. I have a luggage cart all set up here to take your things up to your room. I'll explain everything to you once we're in there.” Emil takes one look at the load squished into the back of the car and inside the trunk when Leo pops it open, and he lets out a long whistle. “Woooow. This is definitely going to several trips. But no worry! I got you guys covered.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, that's okay,” Yuuri says, “we can haul our own stuff in – ”</p><p class="western">“Nonsense!” Emil says with a wave of his hand. “You're our guests. You go right on inside and get checked into your room. I'll load this stuff up for you and meet you inside.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri goes to protest, but Leo steps in and says, “It's okay, I'll help Emil while you guys get us set up in there. Between the two of us, it'll take no time at all.”</p><p class="western">“If you're helping, then I am too!” Guang Hong chimes in. Before either Leo or Emil can say anything, Guang Hong is already attempting to unlodge a large bag that contains two pairs of wings from the trunk without damaging anything in the process. Leo makes a startled sound and rushes to his boyfriend's side to make sure it's properly taken out of the car.</p><p class="western">Hesitantly, Yuuri and Phichit begin to head inside. It feels a little wrong to expect someone they don't know to handle their stuff, but Emil happily chats with their two friends while they work away like this is nothing at all to him.</p><p class="western">“I could get used to this,” Phichit murmurs to Yuuri as they head inside the hotel.</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a face. “I'm not sure I like this part much.”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins. “That's fine. I'll like it for you.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Before long, the car is properly parked and they're all checked into their hotel room.</p><p class="western">Everything is brought up to their room – “A suite!” Phichit gasps when they find out just how good their room is – and they all almost collapse tiredly onto their big, comfy beds. Emphasis on “almost,” because there's several gift baskets waiting for them on said beds that are filled with snacks and fruit and other little goodies. And, resting on their pillows, are their con badges, their cosplay names and SNS information printed out professionally in the blank space nestled beneath the convention mascot. The design this year is a mermaid anime girl with bright pink hair and a blue shell bikini.</p><p class="western">Phichit turns to Emil with the biggest look of wonder in his eyes. “No line up?”</p><p class="western">“No line up!” Emil says with a grin.</p><p class="western">In awe, Leo swears under his breath in Spanish.</p><p class="western">(After last year's intense line-up, it's a miracle they get to avoid it altogether this year.)</p><p class="western">While everyone is checking out the gifts and badges, Emil claps his hands together and says, “Now that you're all here, let's go over the details, shall we? Stop me if anything I say confuses you.”</p><p class="western">The four of them politely set the gifts and badges aside on a nearby table, and they all go out into the sitting area where there's a couch and an arm chair for everyone to claim a space.</p><p class="western">It's hard for Yuuri to focus on anything Emil says when all he can think about is how, in less than a few hours, he's going to be meeting his friend soon. There's no more room in his brain for anything else but Viktor.</p><p class="western">(Shit. Phichit is right, he <em>is</em> a gay disaster.)</p><p class="western">Thankfully, Emil doesn't appear to notice that Yuuri's head is miles away, in someone else's car. Yuuri nods his head at the right intervals and does his best to make eye contact.</p><p class="western">“And that's everything!” Emil finally concludes almost half hour later. He beams at the four of them, hands on his hips, not at all out of breath despite the non stop talking. “Any questions?”</p><p class="western">The four of them all glance at each other, but no one says anything.</p><p class="western">“Nah, I think we're good,” Phichit says. “You were very... specific.”</p><p class="western">“Try to be!” Emil says. “The less confusion there is, the easier of a time we'll have.”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Guang Hong raises his hand, and Emil nods at him.</p><p class="western">“You said in your emails that the convention is going to comp all of our food?” At Emil's second nod, Guang Hong asks further, “Does that include groceries? Because we usually do a quick grocery run the night before a convention so that we have extra drinks and snacks in the hotel, you know, in case we can't fit in an actual meal.”</p><p class="western">“Of course!” Emil says. “If you guys are comfortable with it, I can even do the grocery run for you. That way you can all relax here. Just give me a detailed list and I'll grab everything for you. Sound good?”</p><p class="western">“Sounds <em>amazing</em>,” Leo sighs in agreement.</p><p class="western">“Great! Lemme just get my phone out... okay, what do you need?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri zones out while his friends and Emil discuss the grocery order, biting his lip absently as he stares at the balcony window overlooking the interior of the hotel resort. They're pretty high up, but if he cranes his head a certain way, he can still make out the seating area below, the fancy fountain that runs all day and night, and even the large, infamous gazebo that cosplayers lord themselves over every year. Last year, it took them <em>hours</em> to be able to wiggle themselves into it for a quick shoot that only lasted, at most, ten minutes.</p><p class="western">(Was so worth it, though.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri thinks it'd be cool if they could get in there Saturday, when they're in their Cardcaptor Sakura group, but he's also not holding his breath.</p><p class="western">“Okay! I'm gonna head out, but I'll be back in a bit. Feel free to just relax here and do whatever you feel like,” Emil says on his way out. “Oh! There's a green room on the 12<sup>th</sup> floor, if you're up for some socializing. Staff and volunteers would love to meet you!”</p><p class="western">“Thanks again!” Phichit replies. He closes the door behind Emil and settles back against it with a long, tired sigh. He runs a hand through his hair. “Holy shit, guys. We <em>made</em> it. Look at this place. We've never had a room with a sitting area before!”</p><p class="western">“And have you seen the bathroom?” Leo says, pointing in the direction of said room. “It's almost bigger than my room back home!”</p><p class="western">“Just think,” Guang Hong says, “Viktor and people like him do this all the time. He just lives it up at whatever con invites him.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno if he's actually living it up at every con,” Yuuri says. A big room with all the necessities is nice, but he remembers Viktor admitting to moping around his room at his last con and avoiding the actual con itself when he wasn't required to work. That hardly sounds like living it up.</p><p class="western">“If his con stays are anywhere near half as good as this, then it so is,” Phichit disagrees.</p><p class="western">Yuuri deigns not to get into it.</p><p class="western">Guang Hong stretches his legs out and sinks deeper into the couch. “How long till Viktor gets here?”</p><p class="western">“Probably another two hours,” Yuuri guesses.</p><p class="western">“Oh, good. I can totally fit a nap in there.”</p><p class="western">“Ugh, a nap sounds amazing right now,” Phichit practically moans. He nods at Yuuri. “You should take one too. You drove the whole way here, you're probably pretty tired.”</p><p class="western">“Not really,” Yuuri lies. His body is a little on the sore and tired side, but his mind is absolutely wide awake. He's not sure he can sleep, anyway. What if he does, and he sleeps in and misses Viktor getting here? Would that be the 'stupid' thing he does? Oh yeah, Viktor will be super impressed by that.</p><p class="western">“I can hear your thoughts running a mile a minute from here,” Phichit deadpans.</p><p class="western">“No, you can't.”</p><p class="western">“So can. C'mon, buddy. Get up. Our bed awaits us. I'll set an alarm so we don't sleep in.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts up at the urging of Phichit's hands around his arm, and he lets himself be led into the bedroom. He climbs onto the bed, Phichit getting in on the opposite side. Yuuri stares at his phone and ignores the sounds of his friends soft breathing, the occasional snore from Leo, determined to just scroll his phone and wait until Viktor arrives.</p><p class="western">But eventually, in spite of himself, Yuuri's eyelids begin to grow heavy, and before long he's breathing deep and heavily, phone slipping out of his hand and onto the comforter of his shared bed.</p><p class="western">He vaguely recalls stirring when someone knocks at their front door, but Phichit rises and answers for them all. There's some voices, the sound of the available fridge in the mini kitchen opening, but soon the hotel door opens and closes again, and the bed dips when Phichit returns to it, and Yuuri inevitably returns to his rest.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">An alarm distantly rings in the recesses of Yuuri's mind. It interrupts a strange dream he was having, and it's gone completely from memory before Yuuri can start to come back to himself.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri? Wake up.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stirs for the second time that evening, finally waking against his will at the feel of Phichit gently shaking him awake.</p><p class="western">“Mmndon't wanna,” Yuuri groans into his pillow.</p><p class="western">Phichit chuckles. “You don't wanna see Viktor?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri immediately shoots up in his bed.</p><p class="western">Phichit laughs harder. “Wow, that got you up! I don't actually know if he's here yet, but it's been about two hours.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri squints at his friend, but he says nothing. He fixes his askew glasses and feels the bed for his phone.</p><p class="western">“He's probably not...” Yuuri begins to say, but when he unlocks his phone, he sees a new message waiting for him.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm here~!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Line up to check in is a little long, so I'll be down in the lobby for a while if you wanna come say hi : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If not, I'll be around!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“... here...” Yuuri finally finishes.</p><p class="western">He's here.</p><p class="western">
  <em>He's here.</em>
</p><p class="western">His message was sent almost 20 minutes ago. Is he even still there?</p><p class="western">“What does it say?” Phichit asks, leaning over to get a glimpse at the screen.</p><p class="western">Yuuri pockets his phone before that can happen, and in an instant he is up and dashing off towards the bathroom to fix his poor excuse for a physical appearance.</p><p class="western">“I take it that means he's here?” Phichit calls after him.</p><p class="western">“He is!” Yuuri answers, voice almost shaking. From nerves or excitement, he can't tell in the moment. Who is he kidding, it's definitely both. It's like his body has been struck by lightning, and all he can do right now is react.</p><p class="western">In a hurry, he flips the bathroom light switch on and fusses with his messy hair in the mirror. Why did it choose to be extra unruly today? Some hair just doesn't want to lie flat, no matter what he does, and there's no time to get any hair styling product out to try and fix this. Would it be too obvious if he did, anyway? Would Viktor be able to tell?</p><p class="western">“Yuuri!”</p><p class="western">He glances behind him at Phichit's voice, already a little out of breath.</p><p class="western">Phichit stands in the doorway, vlogging camera in hand, the red light lit up with active recording.</p><p class="western">He gestures towards the entrance. “C'mon, let's go! He's waiting for you!”</p><p class="western">And like that's the magic word, the one thing Yuuri needs to hear in that moment to shove his mind out of the way and get his damn legs moving, Yuuri feels his nerves harden into steel, and he hurries past Phichit and to the door, leading the charge to what he's been waiting a lifetime for.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“This is it, folks!” Phichit proclaims to the vlog as they stand and wait in the hotel elevator as it takes them down to the lobby. The small space buzzes with frantic energy; it's taking everything in Yuuri to stand still and not pace about in the tiny, mirrored box.</p><p class="western">Phichit continues. “This is the big moment! To those who haven't guessed yet, we're hanging out with <em>the</em> Viktor Nikiforov this con! A certain someone over here has become good friends with him the last couple of months, and now they're finally meeting up in person!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri turns to Phichit. “Okay, I don't know if I want <em>that</em> in the vlog.”</p><p class="western">“Why not? It's such good clickbait material.”</p><p class="western">“No clickbait.”</p><p class="western">“Give me a weekend to persuade you on that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri opens his mouth to retort, but the elevator dings their arrival, and the doors slide open. Without wasting time, Yuuri dashes off in the direction of the lobby, dodging people who are heading to their own rooms, or hanging around the bottom floor in small groups. Some of them are already in costume, even though the convention doesn't officially start until the next morning, and many are wearing early-bird badges and even con t-shirts that they picked up that very evening.</p><p class="western">He feels a little foolish with how quickly he's hurrying – not quite running, but most definitely not walking – but Yuuri can't get himself to slow down. It feels like if he does, Viktor will disappear, and with it goes their chance to finally meet. Which is ridiculous, they have a whole weekend to meet up, and yet his racing heart and brain aren't listening to the logic.</p><p class="western">A couple people turn and look at Yuuri as he rushes past them, probably wondering where the fire is, but he ignores them completely. He only has one goal in mind, and nothing is going to stop him from getting there.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stops when he finally arrives at the lobby, panting from the exertion. He can hear Phichit catching up behind him; he's still talking to his camera a candidly as ever.</p><p class="western">He doesn't hear what Phichit's saying.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes lock onto a tall figure in the distance, and everyone and everything in the lobby immediately fades away to nothing.</p><p class="western">Viktor's standing at the front desk, talking to clerk checking him in. He's nodding at something the clerk says, handing them what is likely his ID.</p><p class="western">Frozen in place, Yuuri feels unable to do anything but stare and watch.</p><p class="western">You could ask him who's standing next to Viktor, or what he's wearing, and Yuuri wouldn't be able to tell you. He can't tear his eyes away from Viktor's face, his striking and strong profile, or from the reality that he's really standing here in the same room as Yuuri.</p><p class="western">As though feeling Yuuri's eyes burning into him, Viktor turns his head and glances down his way. He doesn't immediately take notice of Yuuri, his eyes roving over the area and all of the commotion, but then they finally lock onto Yuuri, and Viktor's eyes widen and his lips part.</p><p class="western">Emotion swells up inside Yuuri's chest, and it bursts with enough strength behind it to crack and shatter the glass wall that's been holding the two of them apart for all this time.</p><p class="western">There's no room for fear now. There's only want and need and desperation.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's feet move before his brain can catch up. This time he <em>is</em> running, and he can't for the life of him make himself slow down.</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks with surprise at how fast Yuuri is charging at him, but instead of flinching or trying to slow Yuuri down, he turns to him with arms open wide. Yuuri crashes straight into them, his own arms thrown around Viktor's broad frame, and he holds on as tightly as he can. His heart bangs against his chest as though trying to escape, and he can only hope that Viktor can't feel its violence.</p><p class="western">If he does feel it, Viktor doesn't remark upon it.</p><p class="western">Instead, Viktor holds onto him just as tightly, just as desperately, and Yuuri feels more than hears Viktor utter his name like its a breathless plea, like it's the most beloved sound in the world.</p><p class="western">He should be afraid. Nervous to make a fool of himself in front of someone so revered, and yet Yuuri feels anything but that.</p><p class="western">In Viktor's arms, he feels safe and wanted, protected against everything, even himself.</p><p class="western">Yuuri releases a long held breath and relaxes fully into Viktor's embrace.</p><p class="western">Finally.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here's your confirmation that Phichit is aromantic/pansexual in this AU! I find the idea of Yuuri being demi and Phichit being aro and thus unable to help each other with certain scenarios because it's out of the realm of their experience to be highly amusing.</p><p>I also like the idea of Phichit being aro because he's such a fun and warm character! Aro (and ace!) characters tend to be portrayed in pretty robotic/inhuman ways, which really sucks ass.</p><p>IN OTHER NEWS: I made a thread on Twitter breaking down the narrative choices behind Viktor's cosplays in this fic! Here is a link for the interested: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1296291791961038849 </p><p>If you've ever wanted extra information/a BTS of what Viktor wears and what I'm insinuating about him, boom, there ya go. I'll probably do a thread for Yuuri's costumes too, but I can tell you all right now it's 100% indulgent stuff, Yuuri's choices are more “it'd be hot if he did this” than anything as deep as Viktor's. But if you wanna know what Yuuri's known for in this 'verse, I'll link that one in the future! And I might link them again when this fic is over, so if you don't wanna read them now, you'll have the option/reminder to check them out later.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. so here we are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow, I have little to say this time around. The fuck?</p><p>Uh it's not stated in fic because I figured it's probably obvious, but yes, Viktor's liaison absolutely took care of all of the pre-con stuff for Viktor that Yuuri's group had done when they got there, because he's much more experienced and knows exactly what he needs to ask for up front. So his fridge is full of food/water and such too.</p><p>Cosplay notes:</p><p>A minder is just another term for a convention liaison.</p><p>The Iron Bull is from Dragon Age: Inquisition. I haven't played any DA (yet?) but from what I understand this guy is big and kinky af and frankly that's all I or Vitya need to hear.</p><p>Aaaaand that's it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Viktor's hardly breathing.</p><p class="western">He's scared that if he does, if he makes a single move, a single sound, this delicate moment will shatter into pieces and be lost to him forever. It's all he can do but close his eyes, cling just as tightly to Yuuri who is now buried deeply in his embrace, and pray that it never ends.</p><p class="western">Because Yuuri's here. Right in his arms. And, God, does it ever feel <em>right</em>.</p><p class="western">He's so unbelievably warm, so solid and real; their bodies being pressed so firmly together like this nearly makes Viktor do a full body shudder.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's cotton shirt feels thin beneath Viktor's palms, appropriately light for the summer weather. If he focuses hard enough, Viktor thinks he might even be able to get a sense of what Yuuri's bare skin might feel like beneath his shirt. He can feel the natural body heat radiating off Yuuri, straight through the thin layer, and if Viktor lets his mind push just a little further...</p><p class="western">No, nope, nuh uh. Not going there.</p><p class="western">Viktor promised himself he'd keep clean thoughts all weekend. For his sake, if nothing else. He needs to think about something else. Like about how he's glad he didn't put on anything fancier than a pair of jeans and a light shirt of his own, given how casual Yuuri is dressed; how silly he would have made the two of them look if he went all out for their first meeting. Like he really is an idol meeting their long time fan, and not two friendly men who happen to share a hobby and similar interests.</p><p class="western">Okay. He definitely needs to breathe now.</p><p class="western">When Viktor finally does allow himself a deep, filling breath, a combination of Yuuri's shampoo, his natural scent, and the smell of clean hotel linings flow into Viktor's senses. And oh, if that somehow isn't more overwhelming than the feel of Yuuri in his arms. It invades his senses so pleasantly, so comfortably. Yuuri fills him inside and out.</p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but release Yuuri's name under his breath. It's almost embarrassing how utterly full of feeling it is. Like he's left himself wide open for Yuuri to see everything, if he only chooses to lift his head and look.</p><p class="western">For that reason alone, he hopes Yuuri doesn't hear him.</p><p class="western">He doesn't know if Yuuri does. But Viktor does feel Yuuri release a breath of his own, and he practically melts against Viktor's form as the embrace relaxes into something a little more... intimate feeling. Like this encounter is somehow more than just two friends greeting each other.</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts his head then, and he pulls back just enough to meet Viktor's gaze.</p><p class="western">“Hi,” he breathes out.</p><p class="western">Suddenly, Viktor can't breathe again.</p><p class="western">“<em>Ahem</em>.”</p><p class="western">The stark sound disrupts the moment, and Viktor buries the disappointment building in his chest as Yuuri turns his head to find the source of the interruption.</p><p class="western">Viktor's liaison stands just behind them – a young man who introduced himself earlier as Seung Gil – and his brow is pinched as he looks Yuuri over with an overly unimpressed glance. He wasn't there a moment ago. He had been outside, packing Viktor's things into a luggage cart so that he could get in the line up to check in, but he's clearly finished with that task now. The cart waits next to them, a reminder that Viktor's here with obligations and responsibilities beyond just meeting a good friend.</p><p class="western">“Please step away from my guest,” Seung Gil commands.</p><p class="western">“It's okay, he's a friend,” Viktor begins to say, but Yuuri is already stepping out of hugging range, his cheeks colouring a deep, ashamed red.</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Yuuri mumbles. “I, um, got a little carried away.”</p><p class="western">Seung Gil stares back at Yuuri with an unblinking stare. “Yes, I can see that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri says nothing, and Viktor is at a loss for how to reclaim the excitement of only moments ago. The last thing he wants is for someone else to sour the memory with unwanted tension and rules. He doesn't know what to do.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, Viktor's not the only one there who knows how important this moment is to him, and who is willing to step up and dilute the tension.</p><p class="western">“Excuse me, but where is <em>my</em> hug?” Christophe purrs to the newcomers. He opens his arms expectantly and flexes his fingers in a come hither motion, though the look on his face says that he's (at least partially) joking.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks at Christophe like he's only just realized that he's even there to begin with. “Oh, hey Chris. Good to see you.”</p><p class="western">Christophe pouts at the subtle rejection. Viktor honestly can't blame him. Yuuri gives damned good hugs.</p><p class="western">“Free hug, coming your way!” Phichit declares, and he steps into Christophe's arms and gives him a one-armed squeeze. His other hand keeps his vlogging camera perfectly aimed, capturing the moment for what Viktor assumes is for his next con vlog. “How you been, buddy? Up to no good, I hope.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, you know, the usual,” Christophe replies with a chuckle. He pats Phichit's shoulder with a solid clapping sound. “At least you never let me down, my sweet Peach.”</p><p class="western">“Excuse me, sir...”</p><p class="western">Viktor turns to the clerk behind the desk, smiling apologetically for having forgotten all about her in the heat of the moment. “Yes?”</p><p class="western">“Here's your ID back,” she says, sliding back the plastic card. “I have you all checked in now. These are your card keys – be careful not to keep them in your wallet. They might deactivate if they get too close to your debit or credit cards. We hope you have a good weekend with .”</p><p class="western">Viktor thanks her and takes both his ID and the pair of card keys for himself and his roommate.</p><p class="western">Out of the corner of his eye, Viktor sees Yuuri eyeing the fully loaded luggage card and the boxes sitting next to it. “Do you need help?” he asks. “I can – ”</p><p class="western">“I've got it,” Seung Gil interrupts.</p><p class="western"><em>How? </em>Viktor wants to ask. Seung Gil might have gotten the cart all right, but Viktor and Christophe carried the extra boxes in with them. The trip from the car to the hotel was a pretty awkward one physically speaking, given the near ten minute balancing act they had to perform on their way in. If Yuuri's offering an extra pair of arms, he sure as hell isn't going to turn that down.</p><p class="western">He goes to say something, but Phichit beats him to chase.</p><p class="western">“We can get the extra stuff! It's no trouble at all. This way you only have to do one trip.”</p><p class="western">Seung Gil opens his mouth to protest, but Phichit's already moving. He turns off his camera, letting it hang off his wrist by the strap it's attached to, and he lifts up one of the boxes into his arms.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances at Viktor, shrugs his shoulders, and follows suit. Viktor and Christophe end up grabbing the last two boxes.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, Seung Gil doesn't insist a second time. He simply blows some hair out of his eyes and begins to push the cart towards the elevators, leading the way for the rest of them.</p><p class="western">Christophe and Phichit walk closely behind Seung Gil, happily chatting along the way.</p><p class="western">Viktor slows himself down to walk closer to Yuuri's speed. He takes one look at the box in Yuuri's arms, and feels a little guilty that Yuuri got stuck with that one in particular. It's one of the bigger ones of the bunch, and it looks heavy.</p><p class="western">“I can carry that one too,” Viktor says, a little awkwardly. The moment feels fragile all over again. “Y'know, if it's too heavy.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “I'm good, thanks. I got it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor picks his brain for something else to say. He finally thinks of something, and nearly kicks himself for not having said it earlier. “Thanks for helping out. You didn't have to offer. You must be really tired.”</p><p class="western">“It's okay, I wanted to,” Yuuri replies, and he smiles up at Viktor. “You're probably way more tired than I am, anyway. It's not fair to make you carry all of your stuff alone. It's the least I can do.”</p><p class="western">A pleased feeling bubbles up in Viktor's stomach.</p><p class="western">“Um,” Yuuri begins. “Sorry I was so late. I woke up literally five minutes ago.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “Oooh. That explains it.”</p><p class="western">“Explains what?”</p><p class="western">“This,” Viktor says, and before he can stop himself, he's reaching over and teasing a hand through Yuuri's messy bedhead. Alarm jolts through Viktor's body at his casual behaviour – does Yuuri even want to be touched? A hug he initiated is one thing, but this is something else entirely.</p><p class="western">He doesn't have long to be embarrassed at himself because suddenly Yuuri's laughing, honest to God laughing. Viktor's momentarily stunned. He's never heard Yuuri let out such a raw, unbridled sound before, not like this. Yuuri tends to be more muted when it comes to his voice, preferring to talk at a normal level and rarely going above it. Or at least, that's how it was the two times they chatted with audio. Maybe they just haven't talked in real time enough.</p><p class="western">It's not that Viktor doesn't think Yuuri can laugh like that. Only that Viktor most definitely did not expect to be blessed with such a blissful sound five minutes after getting to meet this precious boy in person.</p><p class="western">Yuuri ducks his head out of Viktor's reach, and he says with some defiance in his voice, “Hey, it's not my fault my hair never does what I want it to. I tried to make it flatter but there wasn't any time. I thought I'd miss you if I fussed too much.”</p><p class="western">“Is that why you were running?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks at Viktor like he's grown a whole other head on his shoulders.</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “Okay, okay. Point taken. I would have found you eventually, though. You could have taken your time if you wanted. I would've understood.”</p><p class="western">“Probably,” Yuuri concedes. Except his tone sounds like he thinks that was anything but a possibility.</p><p class="western">They enter the elevator alongside everyone else. It's cramped with the luggage cart stuffed in with everyone else. Viktor and Yuuri both fall quiet throughout the ride up to their floor, Christophe and Phichit eagerly filling the space for them with their own voices.</p><p class="western">Viktor bites his lip against a bursting smile.</p><p class="western">Secretly, Yuuri rushing to meet up with him makes Viktor very, <em>very</em> happy.</p><p class="western">While he had been down in the lobby, he had spent the whole time either looking all around him for Yuuri to show up in the crowd, or browsing through his phone, trying to not look as clingy and pathetic as he felt. With each minute trickling by and still no sign of Yuuri anywhere, not even a reply in their DMs acknowledging Viktor's arrival, Viktor had wondered more and more if Yuuri finally changed his mind after all.</p><p class="western">Viktor wouldn't blame him if he did. He'd find a way to understand.</p><p class="western">But then he'd gotten a strange feeling, and he'd looked up – and there Yuuri was, and then he was crashing into his arms, and he felt like he was always meant to be there, holding Viktor as tightly as he wanted to hold Yuuri, and...</p><p class="western">Viktor's glad he was wrong. He's glad that Yuuri's standing right beside him, that this is happening at all.</p><p class="western">Now to make sure that he doesn't screw anything up for the remainder of the weekend.</p><p class="western">It may only be Thursday night, but Viktor's certain he can behave himself for the next four days.</p><p class="western">(But maybe not if Yuuri hugs him again like that.)</p><p class="western">The elevator dings their arrival to their floor, and everyone follows Seung Gil down the hallway to Viktor and Christophe's shared room. His liaison waits until Viktor has the door unlocked and is ushering their stuff in before he holds out a hand to Yuuri and Phichit, stopping them in their tracks.</p><p class="western">“Thank you for your help,” Seung Gil says in a flat voice, “but I would like to speak with my guest alone. It's protocol.”</p><p class="western">Viktor watches as Phichit and Yuuri exchange quick looks.</p><p class="western">“Okay, fair enough,” Phichit says. Without hesitation, he pushes his box over to Seung Gil's arm. Yuuri is a little more polite about it, murmuring a small, “Sorry” as he hands his over. Seung Gil purses his lips, but he says nothing. He just carefully steps back into the room and sets the boxes down on the floor before they have the chance to overwhelm him.</p><p class="western">“I'll come find you!” Viktor calls out. He wishes they didn't have to part so soon – they've hardly been together longer than a few minutes – but he knows when duty calls, and he'd rather get this over with now so he can spend more uninterrupted time with Yuuri later.</p><p class="western">“We're just down the hallway!” Yuuri answers. He gives him the room number, and then he and Phichit are gone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The conversation with Viktor's liaison is fairly brief. Just fifteen minutes of going over the absolute basics, making little clarifications, letting him know of the last minute changes.</p><p class="western">One such change is Seung Gil himself. The woman Viktor had been corresponding with for the past couple of months had a last minute emergency and could no longer make the time to be there for him. She alerted him of this a few days prior, as soon as she knew she had to drop out, and she promised that someone else would be chosen ASAP to fill in for her.</p><p class="western">Sadly, this person has other duties to the con, and needs to be equally available for both.</p><p class="western">“I'll be around as much as needed,” Seung Gil explains toward the end of the conversation, “but I might disappear now and then to check on other things. If you need something and I'm not there, call my cell and I'll get back to you.”</p><p class="western">“I should be fine,” Viktor replies. “Christophe's here, and I'm used to doing these things on my own. I also know the location pretty well, so I won't get lost. I'll try not to trouble you too much.”</p><p class="western">“It's no trouble,” Seung Gil says, but his tone of voice doesn't quite match the words. But then he closes his eyes, as if composing himself, and when he opens them again he adds a quiet, “Thank you for understanding.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles, replies with a quick, “No problem,” and gets the door for him.</p><p class="western">He's had stressed out and intense liaisons before. It's nothing personal, Viktor gets that. It's a difficult job to have even on the best of days, so he usually does what he can to make it easier for the person assigned to help him out during what is often more or less a three to four day long work shift. Conventions always have some level of stress to them. The less he creates for others, the better.</p><p class="western">(But if Seung Gil's ever rude to Yuuri and his friends again, then oh boy, will there be some words. Stress is fine, but impoliteness to anyone, let alone another guest who is taking time out of their weekend to be there for the con, is not going to fly.)</p><p class="western">“Do you get the feeling your minder is a little stressed out?” Christophe asks as soon as Seung Gil is out the door.</p><p class="western">“That's an understatement,” Viktor agrees. He unzips his personal luggage on his bed and rummages through to find his bathroom essentials.</p><p class="western">Christophe lounges across his bed, head propped up by his hand. “Phichit was saying on the way up here that he'd be a whole lot hotter if he smiled more.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “Please tell me Seung Gil didn't hear him say that.”</p><p class="western">“Couldn't tell. Probably not. I think he was too focused on getting you up here.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums, and grabs his bag filled with hygiene products. He strolls over to the bathroom to freshen himself up. For no real reason.</p><p class="western">“So... how about that hug?” Christophe calls from the bedroom.</p><p class="western">“What about it?” Viktor calls back, careful to keep his voice calm and even.</p><p class="western">Viktor can practically hear Christophe's smirk all the way from the bathroom. “Seemed awfully intense.”</p><p class="western">Viktor busies himself with his toothbrush, leaving no room to respond.</p><p class="western">“It's just interesting is all,” Christophe continues.</p><p class="western">“Uh huh,” Viktor hums. He spits the excess toothpaste into the sink and and then reaches for his hair comb. Should he use a little styling product and coif some of his fringe out of his eyes, or would it look better as is, draping across half of his face like usual?</p><p class="western">The sound of feet padding on carpet draw near, and Viktor turns to look at his friend lingering against the doorway. Christophe's arms are crossed loosely as he regards Viktor with a speculative look on his face.</p><p class="western">“Nothing to say?” Christophe asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor puts on a polite smile. “What is there to say? It was a hug.”</p><p class="western">“Looked like a whole lot more than that. Are you <em>sure</em> he doesn't like you?”</p><p class="western">“Positive.”</p><p class="western">“I've just never seen him be that... touchy. Ever. Yuuri usually avoids being touched, but he was literally hanging off of you.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Viktor says at the end of a small sigh, “you know Yuuri. He's full of surprises sometimes. I think I'd behave strangely too if I was meeting someone important to me.”</p><p class="western">Christophe arches his brow, but says nothing more.</p><p class="western">When he's certain he's all good to go, Viktor turns to Christophe and asks, “How do I look?”</p><p class="western">Christophe gives Viktor an approving nod. “Like you're ready to be swept off your feet.”</p><p class="western">Viktor levels his friend a bemused stare. “Chris. Serious here.”</p><p class="western">“I was being serious.”</p><p class="western">“Fine. But none of that when we're over there. Yuuri and I are <em>friends,</em> okay? I don't want this to be weird. Things were tense enough in the lobby. I need this weekend to go well. So please, just... play along. Let's pretend I'm not a dumbass with feelings, all right?”</p><p class="western">Christophe looks like he wants to say something, or like he wants to grab Viktor by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, but instead he throws up his hands in surrender. “Whatever you say, Romeo. I'll play nice. But you'll have to forgive me if I need to leave the room at some point to keep from screaming.”</p><p class="western">“You won't need to,” Viktor says as he leads the way out of the hotel room, “because there's nothing to scream about.”</p><p class="western">“Uh huh. Press X to doubt,” Christophe retorts.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Phichit answers the door not even a few knocks in.</p><p class="western">“Gentlemen!” he greets brightly. “Welcome to our temporary abode. Come in, come in. Mind the mess, we haven't put anything away yet.”</p><p class="western">The set up of this suite mirrors Viktor's and Christophe's, though a few pieces of the sitting room are arranged in other places, like the TV being mounted on a different wall, with the couch and armchairs directed to face it. The paintings on the walls are just as abstract and seemingly random, but the colours and designs vary enough to stand out. Luggage, boxes, and several giant, almost people-sized bags rest in a giant heap against a wall in the corner near the provided desk. Wings for the Cardcaptor Sakura group, Viktor assumes.</p><p class="western">Excitement shoots through him at the thought that those finished costumes are in the same room as him. He can't wait to see the group come to life.</p><p class="western">(Especially a certain Ruby Moon.)</p><p class="western">Guang Hong and Leo, who are cuddled up on the couch, watching what looks like a baking competition on the big screen, glance up as Viktor and Christophe walk into the room.</p><p class="western">“Hey, what's up?” Leo waves with his free hand, while the other holds Guang Hong close to him.</p><p class="western">“Hiiiii,” Guang Hong yawns. He doesn't bother moving his head from Leo's shoulder. He looks warm and cozy, ready to fall asleep.</p><p class="western">(Viktor might be a little jealous. Just a little.)</p><p class="western">Christophe says, “Hello, a pleasure as always,” and takes a seat on the nearest available chair. “How was your drive? It looks like you managed to get here all in one piece.”</p><p class="western">“It was <em>so</em> nice. Best drive I've had in a long time,” Phichit answers for them. “What about you? Yuuri was saying you guys had to drive six hours?”</p><p class="western">Viktor hears the other four men slip naturally into conversation, the voices filled with excitement and energy, but his eyes dart about the room, too distracted trying to find the more elusive member of the group. Where did Yuuri go? He said he'd be here –</p><p class="western">There's the sound of a door closing, and Viktor turns just in time to see Yuuri stepping out of the bathroom.</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks noticeably different from before. His hair is behaving more, is even a little pushed out of his eyes. His cheeks are red, not from embarrassment this time, but from being freshly washed. Yuuri's head is bowed as he cleans his glasses with a small, blue wipe, his brow pinched as he focuses on the task. He lifts up his glasses up to squint at them, probably to make sure they're actually clean, but he lowers them when he realizes that Viktor is standing there, looking at him.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor says. And then, because he's at an utter loss, he jokes, “Long time no see.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri says, “We saw each other not even half an hour ago.”</p><p class="western">“But not for very long,” Viktor quips. He's not sure any amount of time will be long enough to properly savour Yuuri's presence.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head, but he's smiling all the same. He slips his glasses back on, and his eyes are bright and clear as he looks up at him. He loiters awkwardly in the mini hallway, hands in his jean pockets. “So.”</p><p class="western">“So,” Viktor echoes.</p><p class="western">“Here we are.”</p><p class="western">“So it would appear.”</p><p class="western">“That's a great opening line!” Phichit declares. He's suddenly right up between Viktor and Yuuri, his camera up and recording again. “It's Day 0, folks! Everyone's arrived, our stuff is all here, and we're hanging out with not only Chris from <em>Intoxicated Photography</em>, but also <em>the</em> Viktor Nikiforov.”</p><p class="western">“Uh,” Viktor utters. For as much as he's binged all of the <em>Terra Incognita's</em> con vlogs, he certainly didn't expect to actually be in one. He was vaguely aware of the camera in the lobby, but for some reasoned he made the assumption it was a one time thing, not a weekend event.</p><p class="western">“Phichit,” Yuuri says, voice full of warning, “remember what I said?”</p><p class="western">Camera lowering, Phichit says, “Oh, right. Permission.” He beams up at Viktor, the hope of his face shining bright and infinite. “You'll let me vlog about you, right? It'd be awesome con vlog material. Our fans are your fans, too!”</p><p class="western">“Sure?” Viktor says. “Do I have to do anything specific?”</p><p class="western">“Nope. Just be your fabulous self and I'll do the rest.”</p><p class="western">“Okay then. Sounds good.”</p><p class="western">“Perfect! So as I was saying...” Phichit lifts his camera back up, and wanders back into the sitting room, already chatting the device up like it's a friend and not a piece of equipment.</p><p class="western">(Well, that is a major part of the charm behind the vlogs: Phichit talking to their fans like they're part of the group, not just strangers following them online. Viktor certainly likes that aspect about them.)</p><p class="western">“Sorry 'bout that,” Yuuri apologizes quietly.</p><p class="western">“Oh, it's fine. I'm not bothered,” Viktor replies. “It'll be fun to see the results.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri hastily promises, “I'll make sure he cuts out anything embarrassing or less than flattering.”</p><p class="western">“Now Yuuri,” Viktor says, a hand on his chest, “are you suggesting that I have an unflattering side?”</p><p class="western">“If you do, I sure as hell don't know about it,” Yuuri answers without hesitation. “But on the off chance you do, I'll make sure no one sees it. Phichit has a habit of letting the <em>juicy</em> bits of cons stay in the final cut sometimes.”</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor breathes, “how very protective of you.”</p><p class="western">“Someone has to be when it comes to Phichit.”</p><p class="western">The comment has Viktor grinning. “Such a knight in shining armour.”</p><p class="western">“Stoooop,” Yuuri whines half-heartedly. Except he doesn't sound like he wants Viktor to stop. Viktor's heartbeat flutters despite himself. Behave, <em>behave</em>.</p><p class="western">“Oh man, you guys were playing Dragon Age?” Viktor hears Leo asking. It's initially aimed at Christophe, but Leo looks at Viktor as well, opening the question to him. “I haven't played those games in forever.”</p><p class="western">“Indeed we were,” Christophe purrs. “Inquisition, specifically. It's our favourite in the series.”</p><p class="western">“Nice, mine too,” Phichit comments. “Who are you romancing?”</p><p class="western">“The Iron Bull,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“Really?” Yuuri asks. “I didn't think he was your type.”</p><p class="western">Christophe quietly snickers to himself.</p><p class="western"><em>Who do you think my type is?</em> Viktor almost asks. He's curious as to what the answer is, but it's a dangerous question, and not one he really wants to get into, especially with other people in the room. Especially not with <em>Christophe</em> in the room, who is going to get a throw pillow to the head if he doesn't stop smirking at them like he's witnessing the funniest sketch comedy act ever.</p><p class="western">But Yuuri's still looking at him, like he's trying and failing to read a whole other language, so Viktor shelves the urge to shut his roommate up and returns to more pressing matters.</p><p class="western">“I think I just like the idea of being manhandled,” Viktor answers honestly. “He could lift me up in one arm and sling me over his shoulder with no effort, and that's kinda hot to me. Plus, I've already romanced literally every single other character, and I wanted to see his route.”</p><p class="western">“Huh,” Yuuri says. A curious response, Viktor thinks.</p><p class="western">Viktor opens his mouth to ask who Yuuri would prefer to chase after – which, honestly, he shouldn't even be asking if he's going to be distancing himself from those sorts of thoughts and feelings – but thankfully there's an abrupt knocking at the door that halts the moment.</p><p class="western">“The ladies are here!” Phichit declares. He rushes to the entrance, hopping over some of the boxes that lie in the way.</p><p class="western">“The ladies?” Viktor mouths to Christophe. His friend merely gives a one shoulder shrug.</p><p class="western">There's a commotion in the doorway, several voices all talking at the same time as greetings are exchanged. The door closes loudly behind them as Phichit ushers the new people in.</p><p class="western">A voice cuts clearly through the noise at the doorway. "Don't tell my brother we're here, it took us forever to escape him..."</p><p class="western">Viktor's jaw nearly drops when Mila and Sara waltz into the sitting room.</p><p class="western">The two of them do an immediate double take when they also see Viktor standing there, staring back at them, but they recover almost instantly. Mila lets out an excited shriek and goes straight to him, hugging Viktor like they're old friends and not acquaintances who have only spent a few hours in each others presence.</p><p class="western">Mila pulls back just as quickly, her face beaming. “Hi, stranger! How ya doing?”</p><p class="western">“Good,” Viktor replies, collecting himself just as quickly. “It's nice to see you again.”</p><p class="western">Phichit turns the camera on them. “Wait, wait. You guys know each other?”</p><p class="western">“Kinda,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“We met at Inferno Con,” Mila says.</p><p class="western">“Well, we met at a <em>bar</em> at Inferno Con,” Sara clarifies with a small laugh. “But I guess that's more or less the same thing, depending on who you talk to.”</p><p class="western">“Why didn't you tell me when we were texting?” Phichit asks, flabbergasted. “I was going to do fancy introductions and everything.”</p><p class="western">“I told Yuuri,” Mila says, “so it's not like we were hiding it. I even sent him a selfie we took.”</p><p class="western">Phichit spins towards Yuuri. “You knew about this?!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pushes his glasses up his nose. “Technically, yes.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri! We don't keep secrets in our household!”</p><p class="western">“What? Yes, we do,” Yuuri says with a skeptical look. He doesn't list any examples of said secrets, but the look on Phichit's face says that Yuuri is absolutely right.</p><p class="western">Phichit turns the camera on him, and he utters the words, “Deception. Under my own roof. Unthinkable!”</p><p class="western">“What <em>I</em> want to know,” Sara says as she plays with a chunk of her long, dark hair, “is how you guys know Viktor. That's kind of random. I mean, I knew you guys were big fans, but how the hell did that happen? Wasn't it a big deal to go meet him at your last con? I thought you guys didn't do that.”</p><p class="western">Phichit squints. “Aren't you a Patron? Viktor's been on some of our streams.”</p><p class="western">“I am,” Sara says, “but I also work, like, <em>every</em> time you stream, so I'm a little behind on that front. I'm afraid you'll have to catch me up. It's not like you've mentioned any of this in your newer videos, y'know.”</p><p class="western">“I was saving it for the vlog,” Phichit says matter-of-factly. “Buuuut, since you asked, the story goes like this...”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks away while Phichit lists the – quite frankly – surreal details of Viktor “randomly” becoming a patron one day and then popping up on the groups stream not long after. Thankfully, he leaves out the less flattering details of Viktor and Yuuri being awkward towards one another, choosing instead to focus on how well they all got along, the nice things Viktor said about the group in front of their audience, how Viktor and Yuuri hit it off not long after and have been in contact since then.</p><p class="western">Listening to it being explained out loud, the set up honestly sounds like the start of a modern romance novel or movie. Or maybe that's just Viktor's mind playing hurtful tricks on him.</p><p class="western">He's careful to keep his mind blank and his heart steady until Phichit wraps the story up in a neat, little bow.</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Mila says at the end, eyeing Viktor with what looks to be flat out admiration, “I never would have expected that. You usually have to poke Yuuri a bunch to get him to keep a conversation going, but you got several months of convos out of him? How the hell did you manage that?”</p><p class="western">Not sure how to respond, Viktor slaps on a quick smile and says with a wink, “What can I say? I'm magic.”</p><p class="western">Mila makes an explosive gesture with her hands. “<em>Poof</em>. Magic.”</p><p class="western">Sara balances a hand on her hip. “Maybe it's just me, but I feel like half of the story is missing. Viktor just dropped into your lives out of nowhere? That's lazy writing if I've ever heard it.”</p><p class="western">“Maybe we're just that fucking cool,” Guang Hong retorts sleepily from the couch. Leo bites back a small laugh and pats his boyfriend's shoulder.</p><p class="western">“I mean, it was kind of random,” Viktor admits out loud.</p><p class="western">The comment has the whole room going quiet.</p><p class="western">“What do you mean?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor bites his tongue, suddenly wishing he'd kept his big mouth shut. He's never told Yuuri just how he stumbled across his internet presence – it was always a topic he kept tucked close to his heart, afraid that it coming to light would be intensely awkward, or weird, or incredibly off putting to someone he knows is a little skittish around him at times.</p><p class="western">Christophe rests his chin on his hand and asks him in a honey-sweet voice, “Are you going to tell them or should I?”</p><p class="western">“Tell us what?” Yuuri says, mild concern slipping into his tone. It puts on Viktor on edge as he realizes that this is really not the time or place to be admitting his half of the story to the other party.</p><p class="western">“It's an interesting story,” Christophe comments.</p><p class="western"><em>What are you doing?</em> Viktor wants to demand. He thought they had an agreement in their hotel room. Why is Christophe prodding at things that are better left unsaid?</p><p class="western">Okay, calm down. Maybe – maybe it's not as big of a deal as he thinks it is? It's possible he blew it all up in his head into something larger than it actually is. Maybe that's why Christophe is taking this so lightly.</p><p class="western">Swallowing, Viktor decides he should just take the plunge and get the awkwardness out of the way. There's no way out of this without looking extremely suspicious, anyway.</p><p class="western">“So, uh. I was really bored one night,” Viktor begins to explain, hyper-aware of everyone's eyes on him, and the vlogging camera still recording, “and I was watching some Youtube videos people were posting about Chihoko Con. And I stumbled across your con vlogs of that weekend. My picture was on the thumbnail of one of your videos, and I got curious.”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri turns his head towards Phichit, face eerily blank. Phichit's eyes are large, and he clasps a hand over his mouth.</p><p class="western">Unsure of what else to do, Viktor continues.</p><p class="western">“I watched the whole set, and I ended up just falling down this hole where I watched a bunch of your older videos. I barely got any sleep that night, if I remember right. And when I told <em>this</em> guy about it the next morning,” Viktor points at Christophe, who sits there, looking completely innocent despite the insinuating tone of Viktor's voice, “he pointed out you guys have a Patreon. And I guess the rest is history?”</p><p class="western">The room remains quiet, but Yuuri is scarily so.</p><p class="western">“You,” Yuuri utters, staring pointedly at Phichit.</p><p class="western">“Me,” Phichit says, a nervous look on his face.</p><p class="western">“You said there was no way he would see those videos!”</p><p class="western">“I mean – there wasn't? How was I to know he was going to get bored and find our stuff?”</p><p class="western">“This is why clickbait is dangerous!” Yuuri continues. “He said he watched them because he saw his picture on a thumbnail!”</p><p class="western">“That was to entice other viewers, not him?” Phichit attempts to explain, but Yuuri is shaking his head.</p><p class="western">“I can't even,” Yuuri forces out, suddenly sounding out of breath. “I cannot. I need some air.”</p><p class="western">No one attempts to stop him as Yuuri darts out of the sitting room and over to the balcony, where he forces the sliding door open, and steps out, closing the door behind him.</p><p class="western">Guang Hong carefully breaks the silence. “Y'know, it's kind of funny when you think about it.”</p><p class="western">“I <em>really</em> don't think he agrees,” Leo says, nodding towards the balcony.</p><p class="western">Phichit sighs and finally turns off his camera. “I'm gonna have to edit this out, aren't I?”</p><p class="western">Viktor lingers awkwardly as the rest of the room slowly returns to a more normal conversation. Everyone else seems to move on without issue, unaffected by anything Viktor said, but he can feel the tension sitting thick and heavy outside on the balcony adjacent to the sitting room. It feels stifling even from inside the hotel suite.</p><p class="western">So he waits, just long enough to give Yuuri a moment to catch himself again, and then Viktor slips out of the room and out onto the balcony.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't stir when the sliding door opens and closes. He's leaning against the banister, arms crossed against his chest, staring out at the crowd stirring down on the floor level. The air is full of hundreds of peoples voices, filling every inch of the resorts interior, but it's all a distant hum as Viktor walks over to the banister and stands next to Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Are you okay?” he asks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shrugs.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't know what to say, so he looks out across the inside of the hotel. He picks out several other people hanging out on their own balconies. He wonders if they've also made as giant of a mistake as the one he just made.</p><p class="western">“So you saw everything, huh?” Yuuri eventually asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor turns his head towards him. “What do you mean?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lets out a humourless laugh. “The whole mess that was my last con.”</p><p class="western">“I wouldn't say I saw everything...”</p><p class="western">“But you saw what was posted. Phichit left enough of it in. You saw what an absolute disaster I am. Is this the stupid thing that was going to happen? Because this is worse than I pictured.”</p><p class="western">“You're not a disaster,” Viktor insists. “You just had a rough weekend. It happens to everyone. It happened to me not even a few weeks ago.”</p><p class="western">“But <em>you</em> saw,” Yuuri says, and he finally looks up and at Viktor. He doesn't say it, but Viktor can hear perfectly the unsaid accusation: <em>and you knew the whole time. </em></p><p class="western">Yuuri looks incredibly vulnerable. It makes Viktor want to wrap his arms around him and hold him tight against what has to be terrible feelings coursing through him right now. Yuuri is critical of himself even at the best of times. But Viktor can sense Yuuri's need for space, so he holds himself back. Yuuri's comfort comes first before any selfish need Viktor may have to protect him.</p><p class="western">“I suppose so,” Viktor admits.</p><p class="western">Yuuri turns away, lips pursed tightly shut.</p><p class="western">Viktor winces. Fuck. What to say, what to say...</p><p class="western">“The vlog itself is fine,” he says. “There are a few moments where it's clear you're having a rough time, but you can only really tell if you're paying close attention. Which I was, to be fair. But Phichit is a pretty good editor. The vlog is very sympathetic to you. The comments were, too.”</p><p class="western">“I don't want anyone's pity,” Yuuri murmurs.</p><p class="western">“It's not pity,” Viktor says. “Yuuri, I didn't watch all of those vlogs and think to myself, 'wow, this guy is pathetic.' I watched them in <em>awe</em> of you.”</p><p class="western">That has Yuuri turning back to him again, face scrunched up with confusion and bafflement. “What?”</p><p class="western">Viktor gives what he hopes is a calming, comforting smile. “Is it not obvious? Yes, I saw that you struggled at your last con, but I also saw how hard you worked to help everyone else have a good time. I saw you wearing your craft with pride, even when you probably wanted nothing more than to hide in the hotel room and forget you were there at all.”</p><p class="western">“I didn't even wear everything I brought,” Yuuri says. “I bailed on the first day.”</p><p class="western">“If you needed to pass on the first day, then you needed to pass on it. Part of being a responsible cosplayer is knowing when you need to take a break from the hobby and give yourself a chance to relax.”</p><p class="western">“I wouldn't call it relaxing...”</p><p class="western">“Maybe not, but then I would also say you're not being fair to yourself.”</p><p class="western">“I...” Yuuri takes a deep breath. “I don't want you of all people to think less of me. That's what I'm scared of most. But you saw everything. You saw how much we hyped getting a chance to meet you, and how I fucked the whole weekend up, and how I just... gave up. Without even really trying.”</p><p class="western">Ah, so that's what it is. That's what's hurting Yuuri the most.</p><p class="western">In a soft voice, Viktor promises him, “I could never think less of you. I already think so much of you.”</p><p class="western">“Which just means when I inevitably disappoint you, I have so much higher to fall from.”</p><p class="western">Viktor feels himself prickling. “Yuuri, you're not listening to me. Yes, you're going to have bad days, or hard moments, and you're not always going to be able to hide that, but it doesn't erase all of the good things about you either.”</p><p class="western">It's not all that he wants to say – he wants so badly to tell Yuuri, <em>“and if you ever fall, then it can be right into my arms, because I'll catch you every time”</em> - but he knows better than to go there.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri doesn't say anything, Viktor turns so that his side is against the banister, his arm crossed over the edge. With a firm stare and an even firmer voice, he says, “Do you know why I kept watching your videos after the initial one?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri chances a glance Viktor's way. “No?”</p><p class="western">“Well, for one, because you're adorable as hell,” Viktor teases lightly, “but, two, because I saw how openly and bravely you dressed up as anyone you wanted to be, and I thought that was the most amazing thing I had ever seen.”</p><p class="western">Despite the utter confusion written across Yuuri's face, he turns to face Viktor, crossed arms falling apart. “You're talking about the crossplay thing, aren't you?”</p><p class="western">“Of course I am. But it's not just crossplay,” Viktor clarifies. “It's any costume you wear. You do it with such confidence on the con floor, at your photo shoots. Even if you're not particularly feeling it, you still wear them like they were made for you and only you.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. “I most definitely do not feel confident as Sesshoumaru.”</p><p class="western">“That's the one with the giant tail and the claws, right?”</p><p class="western">“Yup. That's the one.”</p><p class="western">Viktor tilts his head. “You wore it the day you tried to come meet me.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri diverts his gaze. “Mmhmm.”</p><p class="western">“I would have loved to have seen it in person. I think I would have fawned over it.” <em>Over you.</em></p><p class="western">“I wasn't up to it, though... I felt so out of it that day. I just wanted the weekend to be over.”</p><p class="western">“That's okay. I must admit, I was a little sad by the time I got to the end of the vlogs and realized you never came to see me, but getting to meet you now more than makes up for it.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri brow lifts. “Wait. You watched them, hoping I was going to come see you? Seriously?”</p><p class="western">“How could I not hope you'd come see me?”</p><p class="western">Aghast, Yuuri gestures at himself and blurts out, “Because I'm me, and I'm a giant disaster, remember?”</p><p class="western">“In all honesty,” Viktor says, “which one of us is the bigger disaster? The one who decides to pass on meeting their idol because they're not emotionally up to it, or the idol who stumbles across the other's Youtube videos and gets disappointed that they didn't get to meet a fan?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's got nothing.</p><p class="western">Viktor snickers. “See? Honestly, how embarrassing is that?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes an amused sound, and he says, “Maybe a little bit. But you're still not as bad as me.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, I beg to differ.”</p><p class="western">“Beg away, then,” Yuuri retorts.</p><p class="western">Oh, but Viktor could. He could.</p><p class="western">“I am glad,” he says instead.</p><p class="western">“About what?”</p><p class="western">“Meeting you,” Viktor says. “Getting to know you. Randomly finding your videos.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lips. “Yeah?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Viktor confirms.</p><p class="western">Yuuri studies him for a long moment, and Viktor thinks that he's probably going to look away again, maybe dismiss or downplay the confession, but he surprises Viktor by letting a smile unfurl across his plush lips, eyes squinting with what must be happiness behind his glasses.</p><p class="western">He says, “I'm glad too. I'm sorry I put this off for so long. But maybe it's better it happened this way.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's heart flutters in his rib cage. “No regrets?”</p><p class="western">“No regrets.”</p><p class="western">“Good. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how exactly I found out about you before. I should have done so earlier.”</p><p class="western">“That's okay. I'm not actually mad at anyone else. Just myself.” Yuuri lets out a long breath. “I just got a little overwhelmed is all. It was a lot to take in. But I feel a little better now.”</p><p class="western">“I'm glad you're feeling better. I'd hate to ruin your first night here,” Viktor says. “So, just to be clear here, you're not mad at Phichit either?”</p><p class="western">“Nah. I mean,” Yuuri's smile takes on a sly edge to it, “I might use it as guilt-trip material for a little while, just to prove a point, but I forgive him.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “Okay, but don't torture him too much. He means well, even if he uses me as clickbait. Who knows if we would have met if it hadn't been for him.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, no. Don't tell him that,” Yuuri laughs back. “He'll let it go to his head and then he'll start saying things like – ” He abruptly stops, and he glances away with reddened cheeks.</p><p class="western">It's a cute look, Viktor decides. He likes it a lot. He wishes he had the right to make Yuuri blush like that more often.</p><p class="western">“Should we go back in? They're probably worried about you,” he says.</p><p class="western">“Actually...” Yuuri wets his lips. “Can we just stay out here a while longer? I'm not ready to go back in just yet.”</p><p class="western">“Sure,” Viktor says. “Do you want me to give you some space?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “No, I – please stay. If you want to.”</p><p class="western">“I want to,” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western">The corner of Yuuri's lip curls upward, and he turns back to the rest of the resort, watching the crowd down below.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances behind him, back into the hotel suite. He can hear the rowdiness inside. Leo's up and demonstrating something odd, a dance move or something like it, and everyone's laughing and holding their phones up to capture it on video. Everyone except Phichit, who is staring at the balcony with large, worried eyes.</p><p class="western">Viktor gives Phichit a thumbs up. The small gesture has Phichit's tense shoulders falling, and he smiles back at him before joining in with the rest of the group.</p><p class="western">“So,” Viktor says, turning his attention back to precious person next to him, “what costumes did you bring this week? Aside from Ruby Moon, I mean. I saw your preview pictures, but I'm afraid I'm not too familiar with them.”</p><p class="western">Grinning, Yuuri stands up a little straighter, and they fall as naturally and easily into nerdy conversation as a river does following its path.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Several hours later, Viktor and Christophe retire to their room.</p><p class="western">All tuckered out from the long drive and hours of socializing, neither of them say much except the bare essentials.</p><p class="western">They go through their nightly routine – which isn't much, but it's enough to remind their bodies of how worn out they are – and then they go straight to bed.</p><p class="western">Viktor's bed is large and comfy, the blankets thick but also light enough to not stifle him. The AC runs steadily, keeping him nice and cool from the summer heat. Even the darkness of the room is pleasant, as the heavy curtains on their tall windows block out enough of the bright lights of a resort that's open and running at almost every hour of the day.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, it's relatively quiet outside now, aside from the odd shout now and again, as most people have returned to their hotel rooms for the night. As they should, given that it's almost midnight. No one wants to be dead tired for the first official day.</p><p class="western">But maybe that doesn't matter, because Viktor's heart is loud and fast in his ears, practically vibrating in his veins.</p><p class="western">His heart feels so <em>full</em>. Just a few hours spent with Yuuri, at least one of them alone out on the balcony, talking like they're old friends instead of new ones, and already he feels like he's going to burst from how happy Yuuri makes him.</p><p class="western">At the rate things are going, this weekend is going to be a whole lot harder than he previously suspected.</p><p class="western">It should concern him, but Viktor can't feel anything else past the giddiness. Like this, he's not sure how he's even going to fall asleep.</p><p class="western">His phone goes off, ripping Viktor's attention away from his thoughts. He unlocks his phone, and is elated to find a new message from Yuuri.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Thanks again for putting up with me earlier. It must have been pretty awkward for you. Phichit says he's sorry too</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's no trouble at all! Thank YOU for being understanding!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Tell Phichit he's forgiven, as well. He didn't know, no one could have expected him to</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He pauses, considering if the next part is too much, but in his exhilaration, he decides to go for it anyway.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>I look forward to finally seeing you cosplay in person tomorrow! You're going to wow everyone, and I can't wait to be there to see it</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktooooorrrrrrrr!!! How am I supposed to sleep when you say things like that???</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, bed time now. See you tomorrow. G'night!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hehehehehe</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Good night, Yuuri~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Setting his alarm for the morning, Viktor sets his phone aside and rolls onto his back, grinning unabashedly at the ceiling.</p><p class="western">Convention weekend, here he comes!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. day one: let's do this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cosplay (and make up + other nerd!) notes:</p><p>Coloured contacts (aka circle lenses) are eye contacts made to change your eye colour. Not every cosplayer bothers with these – either because comfort, safety, price, etc. - but really hardcore/serious cosplayers who want to look as legit on the con floor as possible will use them to add that extra oomph to their costume. But wearing contacts like these are never 100% safe, there are only “safer/” or less risky ways to go about it. There's always going to be some risk, especially if you buy some cheap ones from random online stores that don't follow health regulations. So if you decide to go this route with a costume, PLEASE do your research and be very, very careful!</p><p>Here's a (brief-ish) video of some tips regarding coloured contacts, and some things to think about if you decide to wear any (TW: there's an image of an infected eye partway through the video and it is naaaaasty): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwxHKMmiGzo</p><p>“Fallout,” in terms of eye shadow, is when you apply the product to your face and flecks of the powder fall off the brush and onto your face. A lot of fallout is typically a sign of low quality make-up, and is something that frequently comes up in make up reviews. It's stupidly annoying, especially if you do the rest of your face before your eye make up, which makes a giant mess on your cheeks, so some people will recommend you do your eye make up first before the rest of your face to avoid messing it up.</p><p>A beauty blender/sponge is pretty self explanatory, but it's a sponge (usually an oval shape? With a more pointed tip?) that you use to dab your wet/cream make up product into your skin. It actually does work really well! I personally find it way faster/effective than a brush. Less chance of streaks in your foundation, too.</p><p>Nightwing (aka Dick Grayson) is the first Robin from Batman comics, all grown up and striking it out on his own. He's had many looks over the years – I'm partial to the finger stripe look from the late 90s-early 2000s. (Google “Dick Grayson fingerstripes” and you'll 100% see the sexy appeal.) I did want Viktor to wear that version, but I thought it made more sense timeline wise and such for him to cosplay the version from the Batman: Arkham Knight video game. He kind of has the finger stripes going, but it's not really as obvious.</p><p>(For more info about why I picked Viktor to cosplay Nightwing, check out the link at the end of the chapter for the next update of the “behind the scenes of Viktor's cosplays” list. I'll also have a link to the list of Yuuri's cosplays!)</p><p>And finally: this isn't a term, but in the fic I describe foundation “erasing” Guang Hong's features. This isn't literal, of course! But to anyone who uses make-up, you know how foundation can basically take all of the colour out of your face (because it's all covered with one even shade), and this can give off the impression of less shadows/natural colours on your face, which can make you look kind of dead/flat looking. To people less acquainted with make-up – especially cosplay make-up, which has its own, more extreme styles and methods than “normal/everyday” make-up – what this ends up meaning is that you have to use MORE stuff to bring back “life” to your face (i.e blush to make your cheeks rosy, lipsticks or tints if you covered your lips with foundation, contour for shadows, highlight to draw the eye to accentuate particular spots on your face, etc.). Cosplay make-up is honestly its own game entirely, so I could go on for hours.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Ow,” Yuuri utters under his breath. He glares at his reflection in his LED make-up mirror, his eyes watering, and tries to force back his body's natural reaction so that he can continue with his make-up routine.</p><p class="western">Phichit looks up from his own mirror, a make up brush still working his contour into the natural line of his cheek with broad, circling strokes. Guang Hong and Leo claimed the bathroom as their designated costuming prep space earlier that morning, after everyone had taken a quick shower to refresh themselves for their first day of the con, so he and Yuuri took the sitting room for their own. Their bags of make-up, wigs, and miscellaneous costuming pieces are spread out all over the broad desk they now occupy.</p><p class="western">“Contacts in?” Phichit asks.</p><p class="western">“Contacts in,” Yuuri confirms. His favourite part of cosplay. Yaaaaay.</p><p class="western">To be fair, they're not always that bad. His last pair for Sesshoumaru weren't that great – the colour didn't match what the preview on the site showed him, which is <em>always</em> a great sign of quality if you ask him. There was no time to reorder a new set from elsewhere, so he was stuck with the imperfect choice. It was just one of many things about his Sesshoumaru costume that he felt uncomfortable with at Chihoko Con.</p><p class="western">This new set he ordered weeks ago from a different brand are pretty good, though. The colour is much truer to what he wants, more gold than the neon yellow of his last pair. He thinks he can even seen a little better in these ones, although everything still has a distinct gold-yellow tone to it.</p><p class="western">Not that it will matter for too long. It's more for con floor show than anything else. He'll need to take them out for tonight, for when he prances about the stage for everyone...</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries to distract himself from the thought by digging through one of his make-up bags for his foundation and beauty blender.</p><p class="western">“Mine aren't so bad this time,” Phichit says, turning back to his mirror. He taps the tip of his brush back into his contour palette and starts to work it into his other cheek. “They hurt more at Chihoko Con, but for some reason they're okay right now.”</p><p class="western">“Probably just your brain tricking you into thinking they're good so you can stand to wear them all day,” Yuuri mumbles. He blinks back the last of his tears and then gets to work on applying his concealer and foundation.</p><p class="western">Phichit always thinks he's crazy for doing his face before his eye make-up. Yuuri thinks he just knows what he's doing.</p><p class="western">(It also helps that the eyeshadow he buys has little to no fallout issues. He's spent far too much time, research, and money into this hobby to waste his resources on crappy product.)</p><p class="western">Phichit twists and turns his head to get a good look at himself. “You excited for tonight?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri hums noncommittally.</p><p class="western">“Well, <em>I'm</em> excited,” says Phichit. “It's gonna be a helluva show. I can already hear the crowd cheering for you. They're not gonna know what hits them tonight.”</p><p class="western">“Hm. Yeah,” Yuuri says flatly.</p><p class="western">Phichit eyes him. Yuuri can tell, even from the corner of his eye, that his friend wants to say something, but then there's a knocking at their door. Phichit gets up to go answer it.</p><p class="western">“Breakfast delivery!” Emil sings from the entrance. “I got your coffee, bagels, and muffins right here.”</p><p class="western">“You're a godsend,” Phichit sighs happily. He leads Emil and his armload of breakfast into the sitting room. He knocks on the bathroom on his way back, shouting at their other friends, “Guang Hong, Leo, breakfast is here! Get out here before I suck back all of your caffeine!”</p><p class="western">There's a crashing noise, and Leo and Guang Hong stumble out of the bathroom, the latter pulling at the hem of his shirt on his way out. Despite the fact that they started their make-up a good twenty minutes before either Yuuri or Phichit, they don't look any further ahead than them.</p><p class="western">(Phichit's kind to them this time, and keeps his comments to himself.)</p><p class="western">Everyone gathers in the sitting room – even Emil, who Phichit happily invites to sit down with them – and they all start chowing down on their breakfast and talk amongst themselves about their plans for the day.</p><p class="western">Everyone except for Yuuri.</p><p class="western">He stares at his reflection, feeling frozen stuck to his seat.</p><p class="western">He doesn't want to take a break when he's barely gotten anything done. He knows he's careful enough to not get any food or liquid on himself while he works, but his stomach already feels stuffed full with frantically swarming butterflies. It's a very normal feeling the day of a big performance. That fact doesn't make it any more easy to deal with, but it does make it a familiar discomfort for him to sit with.</p><p class="western">Except... this isn't his usual performance jitters. It's not just the dance tonight that he's nervous about. There's something else on his mind, something more immediate, more unavoidable.</p><p class="western">And if he doesn't sit still and <em>focus</em>, he might mess everything up and reveal what a hack of a costumer he is in front of one of the best in the business. It's an embarrassment he could never forgive himself for.</p><p class="western">Leo notices him fussing aimlessly with his brushes. “Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">“Hm?” Yuuri doesn't look up.</p><p class="western">“Your breakfast sandwich is getting cold.”</p><p class="western">“Not hungry.”</p><p class="western">Phichit contradicts him with, “You were twenty minutes ago when we gave Emil our orders.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, well, that was twenty minutes ago. I'll save it for later.”</p><p class="western">Phichit sighs. “All right. I see how this is gonna be. Leo, grab his legs. I'll get his arms. Guang Hong, unwrap the sandwich and prepare it for force-feeding.”</p><p class="western">“<em>No</em>,” Yuuri snaps, but his friends are already standing up and making as if to enforce Phichit's threat. Yuuri pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales a defeated sounding, “Fine, fine. Gimme the sandwich.”</p><p class="western">“Thatta boy,” Phichit praises, handing over his food and iced coffee.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs to himself and sucks back almost half of his drink in one long gulp.</p><p class="western">It's probably better this way. He gets cranky halfway through a con day if he doesn't force down some sort of sustenance in the morning, whether his stomach likes it or not. With their crammed schedule, who knows when they'll get a chance to fit in a proper meal. He certainly shouldn't be dancing tonight without any food in his system.</p><p class="western">(Time in their agenda has been made for meals and breaks, of course, but no one is holding their breath for a chance at a sit down restaurant until sometime that night at the earliest. And seeing as the lip sync panel isn't until 8 PM, it's definitely not until any time after that.)</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Emil says after swallowing a large bite of blueberry muffin, “you guys sure are a feisty bunch. You like this all the time?”</p><p class="western">“Nah. Just on day one,” says Leo. “We're still all pent up with energy and enthusiasm. By tomorrow, you'll start to see the seams coming apart.”</p><p class="western">Phichit shoots Leo a look. “Not if I can help it. Tomorrow is Cardcaptor Sakura debut day. None of us are allowed to get tired until Saturday <em>night</em> at the earliest.”</p><p class="western">“I'm tired already,” Guang Hong moans into his drink. He looks it, with nothing but foundation on his face, which erases and flattens a lot of his more distinct features. Like everyone else, he'll need to reapply said features all over again with contour, highlight, and other make up products in order to bring his face back to life.</p><p class="western">Phichit shrugs. “Then chug back enough coffee and energy drinks so you don't feel it until tomorrow night.”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong makes a face. “But then I'll have to pee every 30 minutes. Shippo is hard enough to get into without having to get out on my own. You've seen that giant ass tail.”</p><p class="western">Leo scratches at this head, where his scalp and his wig cap meet. “My head is already starting to itch.”</p><p class="western">“Mine's not even on yet,” Guang Hong groans, “but I can already feel a headache coming.”</p><p class="western">Phichit pauses, and his eyes slowly widen. “Guys, it just hit me... we have to wear these things literally all day long. It's only, what, 10 AM? We have to make it until <em>at least</em> 9 PM tonight. We've never worn anything for that long before. We're going to be so sore tonight.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but snort into his drink at the growing despair on his friends faces. It's only the first day, their costumes are barely even fully on, and yet everyone is already starting to remember the less than fantastic side of dressing up like anime characters all day long. They're things that are easily forgotten not long after one leaves a con and mourns the end of a great weekend.</p><p class="western">“I thought you guys enjoyed doing this?” Emil says, with the funniest, most fish-out-of-water look on his face. Clearly the face of someone who has never worn a heavy duty costume outside of Halloween or a costume party. “Isn't cosplay supposed to be fun?”</p><p class="western">The rest of the room sighs in unison.</p><p class="western">“It is,” Leo says. “It just also happens to be one of the best and worst hobbies out there.”</p><p class="western">Emil blinks up at him, expecting some clarification. Leo quietly sips his mocha and stares off into nothingness.</p><p class="western">“Okay, enough of that.” Phichit slams his drink definitively down onto the desk, a couple of droplets splattering onto the furnished wood. “We're gonna get ready, and then we are going to go out there and <em>kill</em> it. We'll be dead by Monday, but so help me, we are going to show everyone out there why we're guests this year!”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong tips his head back, chugging down the rest of his cold brew, and he too slams his empty cup onto the table. “All right. Let's fucking do this.”</p><p class="western">They quickly finish off their breakfasts, and then everyone parts ways to return to their cosplay stations. Emil leaves, promising to return before they need to leave. The sound of the hotel door closing behind him shakes something in Yuuri's body, as he turns back to his mirror and thinks to himself: <em>Fuck, this is really it, isn't it?</em></p><p class="western">It's do or die... and he's still not sure if he's ready yet.</p><p class="western">He sucks in his next breath and closes his eyes in an attempt to calm himself. He can't draw on a perfectly winged eye with shaky hands, after all. And anything less than a perfect stroke of liquid liner isn't good enough to show on the floor, <em>or</em> to Viktor.</p><p class="western">“It's going to be okay,” Yuuri hears Phichit say to him as he reclaims his seat next to Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“It has to be okay,” he hears himself respond.</p><p class="western">“I know what you're thinking, so let me be the voice of reason you need to hear right now. You,” he points at Yuuri, “are going to impress the pants off of Viktor.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri does a double take. “I'm going to what?”</p><p class="western">“Or body suit, or body paint, or a fucking thong and crop top, I dunno. Whatever he's wearing today, it's coming right off of him,” Phichit tacks on. “You're gonna go down there and you're gonna charm it all off of him. One look at you, and he'll be swooning.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grimaces. It sounds nice, idyllic even – although he sure as hell wouldn't know what to do if Viktor ever did swoon into his arms – but he's much too cynical to believe it for even a second. “I don't know about that.”</p><p class="western">“Well, your brain is lying. Again. Listen to me, your very observant and totally unbiased third party friend here.”</p><p class="western">Shaking his head, Yuuri dips a small make-up brush into his favourite red eye shadow and taps it gently against his palette to get rid of the excess.</p><p class="western">“I just... I feel so stupid right now,” he admits out loud. It's so easy to feel like that, when pressure and self-doubt stare back at him in the mirror. “It feels like anything could go wrong at any second, and I'll never know when that moment has come until it's too late. We've only got a few hours to get this right. What if... what if I mess it all up? I can't handle the thought of Viktor seeing me screw up on the first day.”</p><p class="western">Phichit smiles. “You won't mess anything up. You're way better at this than you give yourself credit for. You were <em>invited</em> here, remember that.” Phichit turns his attention to his eyebrows, which he begins to draw on with his favourite black pomade. “Besides, everyone always feels like a giant idiot until they're done getting into their costume. It's half of the confusing magic. Don't judge yourself until the whole thing is done. I bet even Viktor feels just as silly when he's putting his on.”</p><p class="western">“You think?” Yuuri asks. He's actually never really thought about that before. In his mind, there's only Viktor, perfect as he already is, and Viktor as <em>Nike Cosplay</em>, already fully in costume and still perfect. He's never imagined an in between before.</p><p class="western">Phichit snorts. “Buddy. You don't even have eyebrows right now. Have a little laugh, you'll feel better.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances up at his brow bone reflecting back at him in the mirror, which is covered up with several layers of craft glue and foundation so that not a single strand of human hair can be seen. It's as smooth and bare looking as the rest of his face. Combined with his hair pulled back under two pairs of wig caps, he looks like an alien from outer space.</p><p class="western">He imagines Viktor in a similar predicament, the same awkward middle ground between himself and a fictional character.</p><p class="western">Something cracks through the surface of his nerves, and Yuuri lets out a small laugh.</p><p class="western">“Damn it,” he says. “Why do I take this so seriously again?”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins at him, and he reiterates Leo's earlier words: “Because this is the best and worst hobby ever. Live it up, my friend.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Several hours later, Emil begins leading them through the crowded hotel resort to the section of the convention center dedicated to its guests.</p><p class="western">As soon as they exit the elevator, a wall of noise slaps them all in the face. Yuuri inadvertently holds his breath as they willingly enter the chaos and head to their destination. There's such a great mass of people that it's hard to pin point where one person begins and another begins. It might as well be a never-ending blob, especially with Yuuri's contacts messing with his sight.</p><p class="western">The guest alley is all the way on the other side of the center, making it a long walk from their hotel room. Yuuri sticks close to Phichit, who does the same, never moving so far ahead that Yuuri loses him in a crowd that's not against splitting the five of them up if they don't properly keep up.</p><p class="western">(Halfway through the journey, Yuuri thinks he hears someone shout out over everyone's heads, “Holy shit, is that an Inuyasha group?!” It's not the first or last time he's heard such a comment since debuting this particular group. Despite the lingering unease in his belly, he can't help but smile at the instant acknowledgement. If there's one thing a cosplayer loves more than wearing a costume, it's being instantly recognized. Bonus points if it's before the con has even officially opened.)</p><p class="western">Even with the all the pandemonium, Emil leads them quickly and efficiently to their destination, looking crisp and unbothered by it all as he ushers the four of them into the alley.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels himself breathing properly again as soon as they step through the big twin doors that shut off the large room from the rest of the convention. If there's a major perk to being able to completely skip the hours long line-up that they're normally stuck in every year, it's this. They can spend their time waiting for the con to start in relative quiet. They'll have to leave soon to go to the opening ceremony, but until then they are safe in here.</p><p class="western">And yet... Yuuri can't help but remind himself that this brief comfort comes at a cost; they're here with expectations on their shoulders, and that weight won't lift until Sunday evening. He can't let himself relax too much. Not when there's so much at stake for himself and his friends.</p><p class="western">“Guys, look!” Leo says, pointing off to the side. “I can't believe it. We seriously made it.”</p><p class="western">The alley itself is long as it is wide, with many tables set up in several long rows with enough space in between them for lines to comfortably build up. In spite of this, none of them have any trouble picking out their specific table.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sees the giant matte vinyl sign that's been hung up behind their table before anything else. It's a group shot from their Inuyasha photo shoot from Chihoko Con. Phichit thought it best to use a recent photo of them for their main con advertisement, especially of a set of costumes they knew they were also bringing to the con.</p><p class="western">He can't help but admit that they look really good in the photo. Not just because of their own skills at modelling and costuming, but also because of Christophe's top tier editing skills. They look professional in a way Yuuri has a hard time believing is real.</p><p class="western">He stares up at it in awe. It really is the four of them, posed like the anime come to life, for every con attendee to see as they pass by. A real life Inuyasha, Shippo, Koga, and Sesshoumaru.</p><p class="western">Their group name sits at the top of the sign, the font bright and bold and stylish, luxurious as a crown. Down along the side are the relevant SNS handles for people to look up, as well as a proper credit to Christophe's paid photography.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes trail down to their actual table, which is bare except for the table displays Phichit bought and the boxes of prints they brought with them all the way from Detroit. Emil helpfully carted everything down for them while they'd been in the “finishing touches” stage of their cosplay prep, and now they await organization.</p><p class="western">“Just tell me how you want it, and I'll have it all set up for you,” Emil offers.</p><p class="western">Phichit dives right into action, ripping apart the tape holding together one of the boxes. “Well, I was thinking...”</p><p class="western">Leo and Guang Hong hang back while Phichit and Emil talk. Yuuri's eyes trail over the rest of the spacious room with interest. He can easily pick out all of the different guests that have also been invited to the weekend long event, with their own giant signs and names clearly advertised. They're also hanging around their tables, preparing themselves for their first day at the con. Voice actors, artists, writers, other cosplayers...</p><p class="western">His eyes hone in on Viktor's table, several tables down from theirs.</p><p class="western">It's grandiose, to say the least. Much like their own set up, there's a large vinyl sign showcasing one of Viktor's many, <em>many</em> costumes. This one Yuuri is partially familiar with, and only because it is something Viktor has worn and shown off in the past. It's Nightwing from Batman comics, specifically from the more recent video game series that Yuuri vividly recalls Viktor posting a lot about when the last game in the series released back in 2015.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri may or may not have gone back and picked up all four games – and their DLC – based on this fact alone.)</p><p class="western">He also remembers the photo chosen for Viktor's sign. In this picture, he stands with his back to the camera, in a dark, moody alleyway background with seedy, neon lights from nearby city signs glowing in the distance. Viktor's reaching behind him to take one of his escrima sticks from where it rests against his back. The tips of them glow bright blue, and the light bounces off Viktor's black, full body armour, and the mask that hugs his eyes so perfectly.</p><p class="western">The photo ends just below Viktor's mid-thigh, which conveniently allows for the photo to show off his... well. Yeah.</p><p class="western">“Damn, they chose that pic, huh?” Phichit whispers in Yuuri's ear, almost making him jump.</p><p class="western">“What do you mean?” he asks.</p><p class="western">Leo takes one look at the sign and grins. “Yuuri, you ever dabble in DC comic fandom before?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “No?”</p><p class="western">“Well, there's a thing with Nightwing fans... or maybe it's better to call it an obsession. Specifically about his <em>assets</em>.”</p><p class="western">In that moment, Yuuri thanks every possible god in the universe for the layers of make up on his face, blocking out any chance of a blush coming through.</p><p class="western">(...Yuuri <em>does</em> recall all of the endless ass jokes that people posted online a few years ago the second pics of this costume dropped online. But not once did he ever consider that it was a fandom joke. He just thought people were horny for Viktor because, well, who wouldn't be? Even he is, apparently.</p><p class="western">He's still getting used to this fact.)</p><p class="western">Leo takes one look at Yuuri's face and bursts out laughing. “Sorry, sorry. But it is kinda fitting Viktor picked that costume, right?”</p><p class="western">“Are you seriously checking out another man's ass in front of me?” Guang Hong pipes up, but there's no edge to his voice, only exasperated humour.</p><p class="western">“Nooo, never in a million years,” Leo replies. “Yuuri, on the other hand...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri opens his mouth to defend himself, but it's then that he notices movement behind Viktor's table, and he tenses when he realizes Viktor's on the floor behind it, likely sorting through his things. He almost doesn't recognize the person as Viktor, with the styled short, black hair and matching mask covering his eyes, but he gets a better look at Viktor's profile when he sits up straighter, and yup, that is most definitely him. Yuuri's stared at far too many pictures of Viktor to not know him, even from a distance.</p><p class="western">Christophe is nearby too, reading something on his phone, but like a magnet, Yuuri's attention goes right back to Viktor.</p><p class="western">“Oh hey, speak of the devil,” Phichit says. “Hey Yuuri, would you say his ass looks as good up close as it does from far away?”</p><p class="western">“Shhh!” Yuuri shushes.</p><p class="western">Grinning, Phichit pushes gently at Yuuri's back, nudging him in the direction of Viktor's table. “Go say hi, we'll get set up shop here.”</p><p class="western">“But...”</p><p class="western">“Go! Before we have to start being professionals!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes dart between his friends and Viktor's table, hesitant, but he knows Phichit is right. Soon the doors of the convention will open, and then there won't be time for anything until much, much later. And that's counting on the fact that Viktor will be free later on – he honestly doesn't know what the other cosplayer's schedule looks like.</p><p class="western">So... now or never, he guesses. There's no more putting this off.</p><p class="western">Nervously, Yuuri pushes back some of the white wig hair that hangs around his face. It falls back into place immediately. He suddenly feels very, very hot, not just in his costume, but in his own skin.</p><p class="western">But, with a deep breath, Yuuri still turns towards Viktor's table, steels his nerves, and approaches.</p><p class="western">Viktor stands up, apparently done with organizing whatever he'd been busying himself with, and holy shit, he looks so <em>fucking cool</em>. The slenderness of his black and bright blue armour makes him looks built and ready for acrobatic battle. In spite of the light in the room, Yuuri can still make out the glow of the LED lights inside Viktor's escrima sticks, and in the iconic V design that sits along Viktor's back and chest. He almost wishes someone would turn out the light so that he could properly see the glow and how it plays off Viktor's form.</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost stops walking, just to try and take the whole costume in, but he doesn't want anyone else to see how stupidly star-struck he is right now, so he fights back the urge and keeps walking.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyeing his table set up until he notices Yuuri approaching. The whites of his mask block out his eyes, making it difficult to read his initial reaction, but Viktor's mouth breaks out into what Yuuri can only think of as a “heart shaped” smile when he realizes who is coming to visit him.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri! Is that you? I almost didn't recognize you.”</p><p class="western">Christophe looks up from his phone. He smirks but says nothing, only slides his phone into his pocket and wanders away.</p><p class="western">“Uh, yeah, it's me,” Yuuri says. He lifts his arms and tries to give Viktor a good look at his hand-made kimono as well as the large, foam pauldron circling broadly around his arm. He prays his wig didn't somehow get messed up in the ten seconds it took to walk from his table to Viktor's. “So, um, this is it. What do you think?”</p><p class="western">Viktor sounds in awe as he rushes out a breathless, “What do I think? I think you look <em>amazing</em>. I know nothing about – what did you say his name was last night? Sesshoumaru? Yeah, I know literally nothing about him, but wow, colour me intrigued. You look so cool and mysterious. I wanna nerd out about how you made all this, but there's honestly not enough time in the world for it.”</p><p class="western">Pleasure unfurls in Yuuri's chest, surprising him with its suddenness, its fullness, and it leaves him speechless. Viktor honestly sounds like he really likes it, not at all like he's faking it just because they're friends. Is this a dream come true?</p><p class="western">Viktor walks around the table and comes closer, and though it's hard to tell due to the mask, Yuuri thinks Viktor is looking the costume over more carefully. He gestures to the giant, long thing of fluff resting on Yuuri's shoulder. “Is this a tail? It's so big and fluffy.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grins. “It is. Massive, right? Sesshoumaru's a demon, so I have this giant tail, claws, some markings on my face, these sharp ears...”</p><p class="western">“I love it. What a great design.” Viktor scratches idly behind his ear, his wig no doubt itching already. “I'm sorry I didn't message you more this morning. I figured you would be super busy getting ready, so I didn't want to distract you.”</p><p class="western">“It's fine,” Yuuri says, “I got your 'good morning' message. I'm sorry I didn't say too much back. I'm not sure I would've been good a conversationalist, I was a little stressed this morning.”</p><p class="western">Viktor says in a sympathetic voice, “I'm sorry to hear that. I know you have odd feelings about this costume, so it must have been hard to get back into it. For what it's worth, you look amazing. Your make-up especially looks phenomenal.”</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Yuuri says. “Only took me almost three hours. But it's actually better than last time, so I guess I can't complain too much.”</p><p class="western">The conversation lapses into silence for the moment.</p><p class="western">In a hurry to keep things from turning awkward, Yuuri nods at Viktor's table. “Are you all ready for opening?”</p><p class="western">“Just about!” Viktor replies. “Do you like my table set up? I built it myself.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “Yes, I remember when you posted pics on Patreon.”</p><p class="western">Most cosplayers, himself and his friends included, normally bought any kind of easy and efficient structure to show off their merchandise. Not Viktor, though. In usual Viktor fashion, he has built several different table displays, all of them themed in such a way so as to better match different costumes he brings to cons. The one on his table today matches Nightwing to a T, with the backs and sides looking like a brooding cityscape. A mini Gotham to present books and prints to a nerdy, con-going audience.</p><p class="western">“Is it going to match the rest of your costumes, though?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Nope,” Viktor says with a small 'pop' at the end, “ which is why I have a whole other set up ready to go for tomorrow and Sunday in my hotel room.”</p><p class="western">That shocks a laugh out of Yuuri. “What? You can't be serious.”</p><p class="western">“Totally serious. I have a reputation to uphold, Yuuri. Everything has to match. What's the point if I don't go all out?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri laughs again. “Now I'm wondering if we're a little 'underdressed' for our table.”</p><p class="western">“No, not at all,” Viktor assures him. “Most people don't go this far. Besides, you're just starting out. It costs a lot of time and money to do things this way.”</p><p class="western">“I guess you're right.” Yuuri wets his lips. “It does look really cool, though. Your set up, I mean. It matches everything really good.” And then, because Yuuri is a walking, talking disaster, he rushes out a quick, almost slurred, “You look really cool, too. Obviously.”</p><p class="western">It takes a second for the last bit to process, but then Viktor's face relaxes into an easy smile. “Thank you, Yuuri.” He glances down at his table a moment, then lets out a gasp. “Hey, do you want a photo?”</p><p class="western">“Photo?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Yes! Do you want me to sign something for you? A print, a book, whatever you like. It's on me, no charge.” Yuuri doesn't know how, but he suspects that Viktor is winking behind the mask. “Special friend privileges, you see.”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Yuuri says, almost laughing at himself. “For a second I thought you meant, like, taking a selfie or something...”</p><p class="western">Viktor brightens. “Can we do that, too?”</p><p class="western">“You want to?”</p><p class="western">“Of course I do!” Viktor says, sounding like any other choice is unthinkable. “This is our first con together. And your first time guesting at a big con. We need to document this!”</p><p class="western">“...Okay,” Yuuri agrees. “But I'm not taking a print or book from you for free. You do this for a living. I'd feel guilty.”</p><p class="western">Viktor taps his lip with a gloved finger, humming loudly in an over the top fashion that Yuuri knows is just the older cosplayer teasing him before deciding to say what he's actually thinking. “What if we did a swap, then? I'll show you a new print of mine if you show me one of yours.” His voice lowers into something like a purr. “I'd love to have something of you for my place.”</p><p class="western">Oh – hearing Viktor say that, <em>like</em> that, feels embarrassingly good.</p><p class="western">But it's also a lot to take in, and Yuuri can't help but almost squeak.</p><p class="western">He tries to remember what prints he even brought to the con and mentally comes up empty. He could always just grab them all and let Viktor give them a look over, but the thought is abruptly a lot to process, too much for his fanboy mind to handle, so he chokes out what he can only assume sounds like a high pitched and cowardly, “Can we maybe... put a pin in trading prints for now? I definitely want to, but I should really be getting back to my table, and I don't wanna rush writing a good message for you, and...”</p><p class="western">Viktor's shoulders fall, but there's an empathetic smile on his face, and his voice is free of disappointment as he says, “We can absolutely do it later. There's no hurry, we have all weekend. Do you wanna hold off on the selfie?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes of his head. “We can... we can do that now, if you want.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Viktor says, reaching into one of the pouches at his waist and slipping out his phone, “get over here, then. And bring that photogenic face of yours.”</p><p class="western">It feels surreal, standing next to Viktor and angling himself in order to find his “selfie face” in the camera of Viktor's phone. Part of him still can't believe that they've been chatting for months, that they hung out all last night, that they're both standing here right now, leaning <em>into</em> each other, taking a selfie like regular friends do.</p><p class="western">But it's happening, and even Yuuri has to admit that the image of him reflected back looks happy, despite the constant buzzing of his nerves.</p><p class="western">He chances a glance at Viktor's face before the camera goes off – and he holds himself carefully still when he realizes that Viktor looks just as happy as he does.</p><p class="western">“Perfect,” Viktor breathes, and wow, his voice feels so close, Yuuri can practically feel it rumbling through him. “I'll send it through our DMs so you have a copy too.”</p><p class="western">“Are you gonna post it online?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Nah. This one is just for me. Unless you want to post it on your accounts? I'm all right with that if you want to.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. He likes the idea of it being something special and private, just for the two of them. Even if that's not necessarily how Viktor is thinking of it. “I don't post much to begin with, so why start now?”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “You should start posting more. People would love to see more of you.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno...”</p><p class="western">“Think it over at least.” Viktor glances behind Yuuri. “Ah, your friends are calling you over. You'd better get back to them.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri hums. “Yeah, I should... I'll talk to you later, Viktor.”</p><p class="western">He's only taken a couple of steps when he hears Viktor call out, “If I don't see you during the day, then I'll see you tonight!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pauses mid step. He looks behind him. “Tonight?” he repeats.</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Viktor says, smiling. “For your dance. I'm one of the judges for the lip sync. I won't be judging you, of course, but I'll be there to see it all. I can't wait to see what you have planned this time.”</p><p class="western">“Ah... okay. See you tonight,” Yuuri says flatly. Stiffly, he turns back around and forces his feet to take him back to his table.</p><p class="western">He knows he looks calm on the surface, and no one seems to suspect a thing, but for the next thirty minutes, until Emil announces that it's time to head to the main event room for the opening ceremony, Yuuri's brain is an endless, shrill scream that would be right at home in a horror movie.</p><p class="western">His routine is still in shambles – and Viktor is going to see him attempt to perform it on stage?!</p><p class="western">Someone else take the wheel, <em>please</em>.</p><p class="western"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Updated cosplay twitter thread links!</p><p>Viktor's update: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1311764151287582724</p><p>Yuuri's list: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1311769648380211203</p><p>ALSO, here's some links to fanart from back when this fic was just a twitter thread last year that are relevant to this and chapter 17:</p><p>Yuuri getting dressed as Sesshoumaru: https://twitter.com/KKElenca/status/1139758176767815680</p><p>Viktor in Nightwing, texting Yuuri:  https://twitter.com/KKElenca/status/1139636722206171137</p><p>This one isn't 1:1 with the fanfic version of this scene, BUT ART I DID OF YUURI HUGGING VIKTOR: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1311770516739575808</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. expectations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cosplay/Nerd notes:</p><p>An AMV is an Anime Music Video. They were really popular years ago, but I dunno if they're quite as big of a thing now? Lots of cons will – or used to? – even have AMV contests where you get to sit in a room and watch all of the entrees. They're honestly a lot of fun, there's so much creativity that goes into AMVs and getting to watch them for the first time with other nerds in a room can be a blast. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS ODD, BUT TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. There's really nothing quite like watching your favourite anime suddenly come onto a big screen with heart pounding music and having all of the emotions from the scenes edited into the video just come at you full force.</p><p>Jolyne Cujoh/Kujo is the 6th Jojo in the Jojo's Bizarre Adventure series. She has bitchin' style and a very..........interesting introduction to the JJBA verse. If you know, you know. </p><p>Hirohiko Araki is the manga-ka of Jojo's Biazarre Adventure. He is a mad genius with ZERO limitations or reservations about fucking anything. HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS AND IT'S GLORIOUS. (AHAHAHAAAAA Y'ALL THOUGHT THERE'D BE NO JOJO IN THIS AU, DIDN'T YOU)</p><p>In reference to the Free! cosplay group Yuuri and friends did, here's who did who:</p><p>Yuuri: Rei<br/>Phichit: Nagisa<br/>Guang Hong: Haru<br/>Leo: Makoto</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Hello and greetings, everyone!” the host of the opening ceremony calls out to the massive audience before them, who reply with enthusiastic shouting and applause. “Welcome to Duetto Con 2017!”</p><p class="western">The opening ceremony is an hour and a half event filled with greetings, con related information, and a variety of performances to hype up the crowd for the weekend. Despite hanging out in the backstage green room with the other con guests, the ceremony itself is so loud that Yuuri can clearly make out what's going on out in the main event room.</p><p class="western">He sits in the corner of the room with his friends, listening avidly to going-ons of the event. Understanding his more contemplative mood, his friends leave him to his thoughts while they have some friendly chatter with the other people in the room.</p><p class="western">There's a distinct pattern to the event that Yuuri picks out. The host gives a small info dump of con information, a reminder of important rules and big events they don't want the crowd to miss, sponsorships they're obliged to give a shout out to. After several minutes of this, they put the more serious half of the event on pause for a performance of some sort to take place, to help keep the mood of the crowd lifted.</p><p class="western">Some of it Yuuri's unable to discern. All he can tell is whether or not the audience is vibing with the act currently on stage given the level of applause given at the end. But he does pick out a few more distinguishable acts that he can picture perfectly in his head: an AMV, probably focusing on all the newest anime of that season, that is set to a blood-pumping metal track, someone singing a popular anime opening theme, and a group of most likely idol cosplayers who dance to a popular routine across the stage that gets the audience clapping along to the beat.</p><p class="western">It's an entertaining way to break up the heavier information dumps, and it gets Yuuri's blood pumping despite the wall between him and the actual performances themselves. Yuuri almost wishes he were out in the audience, able to actually see it all play out.</p><p class="western">(Opening ceremonies may or may not be a thing he tends to miss at every con he's ever attended, due to being held up in his hotel room, perfecting his make-up and last minute wig styling before finally stepping out onto the con floor.)</p><p class="western">Closer to the halfway point of the ceremony, Emil and several other liaisons come into the green room and begin ushering the guests out in the stage wing, where they're organized into a line-up that coordinates with the list the host is going off of. The cosplay guests are at the end of the line. Viktor stands behind Yuuri, the last but certainly not least on the roll call. It's hard to think about anything except the fact the taller man is lurking behind him, but Yuuri has to keep his mind on the audience out there so that he doesn't make a fool of himself or his friends in front of them.</p><p class="western">“When you hear your name,” Emil shouts over the seemingly endless applause that shake up the room, “just walk out onto the center of the stage, right where that giant orange duct tape X is on the floor, and show yourselves off for a few seconds. When you're done, go straight to the opposite side of the stage. I'll meet you over there and guide you to your seats.”</p><p class="western">Emil gives them a second for any last questions. When there are none, he takes off, dashing out of the wing to hurry down the long and messy way to the other side of the vast stage.</p><p class="western">The very same stage Yuuri will be taking later tonight.</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries his very, very best to <em>not</em> think about that right now.</p><p class="western">One by one, as names are proudly called out, and guests start walking out onto the stage to meet the masses, leaving the wing emptier by the minute.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in a shaky breath and rolls his shoulders in an effort to loosen the tension. He's been holding himself so still, so tensely, for so long now that he's starting to feel stiff and achy.</p><p class="western">“Excited?” Yuuri hears Viktor ask over his shoulder.</p><p class="western">Yuuri grimaces. He doesn't look back, not wanting Viktor to see the fear on his face. “Y-Yeah. Not sure what I'm gonna do once I'm out there, though. I've never done something like this before.”</p><p class="western">He can hear the confusion in Viktor's voice as the other man says, “But you dance on stage all the time.”</p><p class="western">“It's... not really the same.”</p><p class="western">There's a long moment where Yuuri can feel the pressure to clarify why that is – but how does one explain the difference between a routine you practice for months ahead of time, that you are solely responsible for, versus the pressure to make a whole group look good, in a brief moment that you didn't suspect you had to do until the night before?</p><p class="western">Not to mention a whole other costume related issue, one that Yuuri doesn't really want to think about...</p><p class="western">(Absently, he can't help but tug at the top of his kimono, like there isn't enough room to breathe despite the fact that there most certainly is.)</p><p class="western">When Yuuri fails to offer any explanation, Viktor offers a soft, “Want a tip?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lets out a heavy breath. “Yes, <em>please</em>.”</p><p class="western">“Just smile and wave at everyone,” Viktor instructs. “Keep it nice and simple. No one will be unhappy with that. Or, if you're feeling especially flashy, be in character and pose like Sesshoumaru would. People love that sort of thing.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, even though he's still uncertain as to what he's actually going to do once he's out there. “Um, let's start with waving and work from there.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “All right, fair enough.”</p><p class="western">It's not long until it's time for the cosplay guests to start making their entrance. The first handful of them step out to cheering and loud whistles from the crowd.</p><p class="western">Yuuri and his friends stand right before where the shadows end, ready to burst out into the harsh and colourful stage light.</p><p class="western">Phichit's grinning brightly, excitedly. “This is it, guys!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't have time to respond, because before he's ready for it...</p><p class="western">“And next, let's all give a round of applause for <em>Terra Incognita</em> C<em>osplay!</em>”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries to shut out his vibrating nerves, instead focusing on following Phichit's lead as the four of them finally step out into the light.</p><p class="western">He's not entirely sure what to do once they're all out there; it's hard to think with hundreds of eyes on them, with their applause pounding in his head. Thankfully, Yuuri can't really make out much of anything past the first couple of rows, so for all he knows the room isn't quite as full as it sounds.</p><p class="western">(Who is he kidding. He knows it is.)</p><p class="western">His friends raise their hands and effortlessly wave out to the crowd, so Yuuri does the same, hoping all the while that he doesn't look anywhere near as awkward as he feels.</p><p class="western">Out of nowhere, someone in the audience shrieks far too enthusiastically, “<em>Sit, boy!</em>” It shoots straight to their ears as swiftly as an arrow fired over the crowd.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances Phichit's way. He's still waving, smiling like he didn't hear a thing. Except there's no way he didn't hear that. It's a comment they all heard a lot at Chihoko Con, which is inevitable, given it's a joke that's beyond beaten to death in the series they're cosplaying from. It was mildly annoying at the last con, and Yuuri has a bad feeling that it'll be just as annoying at this one.</p><p class="western">Their five seconds are up, and then they're heading off into the other wing of the stage.</p><p class="western">“And last, but certainly not least,” the host begins to announce as they disappear back into the shadows, “everyone, please give a warm Duetto Con welcome for the one and only <em>Nike Cosplay</em>!”</p><p class="western">Although they were in the process of being lead to their designated section of the audience so that they could relax and watch the rest of the show, Yuuri stops and glances back, not wanting to miss his friend's official first appearance at the con.</p><p class="western">And oh, is he ever glad that he did.</p><p class="western">Viktor struts out onto the stage like he's flirting with the entire room. There's an undeniable swagger to his step, an easy roll of his shoulders as he reaches back for his glowing escrima sticks and pulls them off his back. He poses with them like a vigilante ready to kick some ass, and the crowd goes <em>wild</em> for it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't blame them. He can't help the way his heart bangs violently in his rib cage, all from watching Viktor work his magic in the spotlight like he does.</p><p class="western">He does a few quick poses that flow as seamlessly into each other as water trickling down a river, and then Viktor gives a final wave to the crowd before he strolls off the stage.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels like an utter fanboy as he looks up at Viktor and blurts out, “And that's how it's done?”</p><p class="western">Viktor grins at him. “That's how it's done.”</p><p class="western">“Ah, excuse me gentlemen,” Yuuri hears Emil say as he comes up to them, “we gotta keep moving here. You can talk later if you want.”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Yuuri says, flushing with embarrassment, “sorry, I was just...”</p><p class="western">A soft hand then cups the back of his shoulder and gently urges him along.</p><p class="western">“You heard the man,” Viktor says in his ear. “Gotta keep walking.”</p><p class="western">Normally being touched, especially out of nowhere, puts Yuuri on edge enough to knee-jerk shrug out of whatever hold someone has on him, but Viktor's hand on his shoulder feels oddly grounding, not at all unpleasant, so he leaves it be and walks with him over to where his friends wait for him.</p><p class="western">Well. One task done. Now to survive the rest of the day.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Once the opening ceremony is over, Emil guides them back to their artist table. With the con in full swing now, the halls of the convention center are even busier than before, with people rushing back and forth to find friends, find events, find a damn bathroom to fix some small part of their costume that has suddenly decided to be unruly not even a few hours into the weekend. But they make it back to their table not any worse for wear.</p><p class="western">Before they even step through the open doors, they quickly discover that line ups have already begun to form for people to meet their guest of choice.</p><p class="western">Their line up, to Yuuri's surprise, is actually fairly long, starting at the rope barrier set up a few feet from their table and ending closer to the large entrance on the other side of the room.</p><p class="western">“Is that seriously our line?” Leo asks, eyes almost popping out of his eye sockets.</p><p class="western">Phichit sings, “We're faaaaamouuussssss!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri takes one look at Viktor's line up and lets out a dark chuckle. “Not that famous. His line up is almost out the door. I think that guy over there is actually turning people away to try and keep it under some sorta control.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Relatively</em> famous,” Phichit amends. “You gotta admit, though. It's a bitchin' start.”</p><p class="western">They're getting themselves set up behind their table when Emil catches their attention.</p><p class="western">“I'll keep the line flowing,” he says to them. “Make sure no one lingers too long or gets interrupted by anyone else trying to cut to the chase. I'll even handle the money if you'd like me to. And if anything happens, I'll deal with it. You don't have to worry about a thing.”</p><p class="western">“Is something going to happen?” Guang Hong asks, brow lifting.</p><p class="western">“Naaaah,” Emil says with shake of his head. He pauses. “Well. Actually. You never know. But I'll make sure nothing escalates. I have a walkie talkie on me. If I need to call security, I know how to reach them.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri and Phichit exchange looks.</p><p class="western">“Sounds good?” Yuuri says uncertainly.</p><p class="western">In contrast, Phichit shoots Emil a quick flash of a finger gun. “You got it, Mr. Liaison. You do your job, we'll do ours. Between the five of us, this will be a piece of cake.”</p><p class="western">“Great! That's exactly the attitude we need to get through the day.”</p><p class="western">“You mean the weekend,” Leo says.</p><p class="western">Emil laughs. “I like your spirit. Sure, we'll absolutely get through the weekend.”</p><p class="western"><em>Why does it sound like even you are secretly doubting it?</em> Yuuri thinks to himself.</p><p class="western">“Well,” Phichit claps his hands, “what are we waiting for?”</p><p class="western">Emil motions for the first one in the line up to come forward. “Step right up, young lady. Lucky you, being at the front of the line, huh?”</p><p class="western">It's incredibly strange being on the other side of the table. Yuuri's never really been one to visit guests at cons in general, Viktor really being his one big exception to the rule, but he's still more used to seeing the “big and important” people on the other side of the line of guest tables, backed up against the make-shift walls and signs, rarely ever stepping out into the wide space meant for con-goers to traverse.</p><p class="western">In this brand new scenario, he's the main attraction, not the tourist, and he can't run or hide as they're all finally approached for the first time.</p><p class="western">Their first fan isn't in costume, but she's dressed up in a white sailor fuku with bright pink accents and matching skirt, and her curly hair is styled up into twin, poofy buns ala Sailor Moon. There are even crescent shaped moon glitter highlighting the tops of her cheeks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't know what to do or say as she steps up to their table. That's evidently all right though, because the teenager knows exactly what she wants to say and do.</p><p class="western">“Hi! I've been following you guys since almost the beginning, and I watch your videos religiously. I'm always quoting you guys at my friends, you're so funny. I can't believe you guys are here as guests. I'm so happy for you guys!”</p><p class="western">“Wow, thank you so much,” Phichit says, beaming at her. “Did you want a selfie together, or a print...?</p><p class="western">She looks almost shy as she asks, “Can I get both?”</p><p class="western">“Absolutely, you can. Do you have your phone on you?”</p><p class="western">The rest of the interaction follows a more structured path: she takes out her phone, they all squeeze into frame for an Instagram worthy photo, and then she looks over the selection of prints for her choice.</p><p class="western">Her pick ends up being a group shot of the four of them from their Free! group. It was another shoot they did with Christophe – their first shoot with the photographer, actually – and it was also at this very con, years ago. Yuuri remembers very well them prancing about the water park and taking the silliest photos ever. This particular print is actually of the highlight of that evening: they were all splashing each other, and the way Christophe edited it really emphasizes the natural shine of the water as it flies across the shot and drips down their half naked frames.</p><p class="western">(As far as male costumes go, Rei is one of Yuuri's favourites. The best part about being Rei is that he gets to wear glasses and see everything like normal. The second best part is that the costume is just a swimsuit and light sports jacket, which is <em>perfect</em> for a summer con. It's the most comfortable thing ever.</p><p class="western">Of course, this was long before Patreon, right before their Youtube channel really took off, even before there was more of a spotlight on him in general... It probably says a lot that he hasn't worn Rei much since then, despite his old positive feelings about the costume itself.)</p><p class="western">Leo uncaps a black sharpie. “Want it signed?”</p><p class="western">The girl gasps. “Oh, my God. Yes please! Can you all sign it? I swear I'm gonna get this thing framed and hang it up somewhere real nice.”</p><p class="western">“Oooh, a high honour,” Phichit croons. They place the print down onto the table and take their turns signing their names.</p><p class="western">Yuuri is the last to sign, so he's naturally the one to hand it over to her.</p><p class="western">“Here you go,” he says quietly.</p><p class="western">She looks at him, and her eyes dart all over his face before flying away. She lets out an airy, almost nervous chuckle as she takes the print from him.</p><p class="western">“Um – thank you! Have a good con! G-Good luck with the lip sync tonight!”</p><p class="western">And then she's gone, rushing away as quickly as she came.</p><p class="western">Yuuri silently stands there, stunned.</p><p class="western">“Oooh,” Phichit whispers to him, “she totally thinks you're cute.”</p><p class="western">“Everyone has a thing for Sesshoumaru,” Guang Hong chimes in with a snicker.</p><p class="western">Yuuri resists the urge to get down on his hands and knees and hide underneath the table.</p><p class="western">The next fan is summoned forward, and then the next, and the next after that. The interactions are more or less the same, to the point that Yuuri easily forgets most of the people that come forward as the next person steps forward. The four of them listen to whatever their fan has to say before guiding them towards whatever memento of the moment they'd like to take back with them, and then they sign it.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri comes to find that it's rare that anyone <em>doesn't</em> want something signed.)</p><p class="western">In spite of how similar the interactions are, they are no less tiring to stand through as one hour turns into two, into three. Especially when a fan feels particularly inclined to ask strange questions out of the blue, or even the same questions as everyone else. It's an extra couple of minutes of unscripted chatting that Yuuri doesn't feel up to, with his mind constantly looking forward into the near future whenever its given the chance.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, his friends more than make up for his slack, and they keep their fans happily engaged for the duration of their brief interaction.</p><p class="western">If any of their fans notice that Yuuri is a little on the quiet side, they don't complain. If anything, they tend to just look at him and turn a little rosy cheeked before they stutter out something complimentary like, “I really like your dancing” or “I really like your make-up.”</p><p class="western">(Or, in a more specific case that had Yuuri blinking, someone seriously said with a straight face, “Sesshoumaru was my first anime crush as a kid. It's cool to see you dressed as him.”</p><p class="western">“Uh, thank you,” was all Yuuri was able to utter back to them as he tried to also ignore Phichit covering his mouth to hide his laughter.)</p><p class="western">Although there are chairs provided for them to sit down on, no one makes any use of them as their line continues to fill up and move. If there's a blessing to the constant flow of people, it's that time passes by as quickly.</p><p class="western">And, unlike at a regular con, where Yuuri would have to walk the hallways or aisles to see all of the different costumes, other costumers are coming up to them, unintentionally giving them an opportunity to see and appreciate their work from the relative comfort of their table.</p><p class="western">There's several times where even Yuuri can't help but pause and look over a fan's costume, sometimes even inquiring about it when some lovely and meticulous detail in particular catches his eye. The fans in question are always happy to turn around and show off their hard work, or the work of someone they happily paid for the privilege to wear on their person. While it's not quite the same as meeting people out in a hallway in between events, or outside while taking a break from the rush of the endless con crowd itself, Yuuri finds he enjoys it all the same.</p><p class="western">He also finds that, more than the prints, the selfies, or even the small chat, him asking a fan about their costume makes their eyes light up with a glittering joy Yuuri can't help but recognize deep down in his core.</p><p class="western">Is that how he looked when Viktor acknowledged his craft earlier that day? Like he could just float among the clouds from the sheer euphoria?</p><p class="western">He glances down the way at Viktor's table, but it's hard to make out what's going on at his table with the displays blocking most of the sidelong view. Viktor's far too busy to notice Yuuri staring, anyway. Not once does his attention leave his fans, nor does the smile on his face ever slip. Despite being in costume and in a crowd-heavy room, there's not a bead of sweat on his brow, not a hint of fatigue to be found anywhere. He's handling the constant attention like, well, like a pro.</p><p class="western">Hm. Maybe he should ask Viktor for some table pointers, too. He's sure Viktor must have a few to spare.</p><p class="western">Finally, by the time the third hour hits, Emil stops the line and puts up a small table sign that reads “Off to lunch/a panel.”</p><p class="western">“Lunch time!” he declares, eagerly rubbing his hands together. “Then we're back here for another couple two hours before your first panel.”</p><p class="western">Phichit wipes a hand across his forehead, careful to not disturb the styled bangs of his overly haired sprayed wig. “Fuck yeah, food time.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not very hungry – his belly is too full of worry for the evening time – but ultimately he's glad to leave the table and have a change in scenery. A walk might even do him some good.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I can't believe it took us almost the whole hour to eat a single wrap,” Guang Hong complains on the way back to the table.</p><p class="western">Leo sighs. “Not our fault people kept stopping us to ask for pics.”</p><p class="western">“In all fairness, they were pretty big wraps,” Phichit adds.</p><p class="western">They're complaining, but it's honestly a pretty common thing they experience at nearly every con they attend, so it's not as if it's a complete surprise. Yuuri's not sure why it would be any different now that they're guests and not just regular con attendees. Though he supposes it is different now that people are supposed to pay them money for photos, digitally taken or sold physically at their table.</p><p class="western">It was kinda funny watching the looks on peoples faces when they realized they needed to pay up for something anyone else would probably give for free.</p><p class="western">“It's a good thing you're here,” Phichit says to Emil as they step back into the guest alley. “The less bitchy I have to be to strangers, the less likely they'll complain online about what terrible guests we are.”</p><p class="western">“Hey, it's my job,” Emil says with a lighthearted shrug. “I don't mind telling people they need to come find you here if they want a photo. They can say whatever they want about me on our Facebook page, it doesn't hurt me any.”</p><p class="western">Leo laughs. “Remind me to buy you a drink before the con is over.”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, deal!”</p><p class="western">Likely due to the sign on their table, there isn't a line up for them when they return to their table. Except, Yuuri notices as he takes a seat behind the table, there's someone hanging around the back of the room, eyeing their table like a hawk. A young woman?</p><p class="western">He swallows, suddenly feeling odd in his own skin. Has this person been waiting around for them? And for how long exactly?</p><p class="western">Yuuri's stomach flip flops as the person pulls away from the wall and approaches. The closer she gets, the more Yuuri recognizes her. Well, not <em>her</em>, per se, but the costume. Black and green two-toned hair with twin oval buns and braids, and a slinky, revealing blue-black outfit that no practical person would ever wear outside of a bizarre anime themed run-way?</p><p class="western">Yup. It's a Jojo.</p><p class="western">Yuuri should know, because he crossplayed the same character, even the same exact outfit, almost a year ago.</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, is that a Jolyne?” Phichit whispers to him.</p><p class="western">“Yeah, I think so.”</p><p class="western">“Hot damn, she's rockin' it pretty good.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Shhhh</em>,” Yuuri hushes him as the cosplayer stops at their table.</p><p class="western">She finally reaches their table – and then she stands there, silently, neon green lips pursed tightly together as she stares at them. No, not at them all, but at<em> Yuuri</em>.</p><p class="western">... Maybe this person wants to see him specifically? He can handle this. Probably.</p><p class="western">Although he does wish he could tell if he knew this person from a previous con – but the heaviness of her make-up makes it near impossible to identify her. Extremely heavy contour and stylized, manga-esque lines, likely drawn on with liquid eyeliner of some sort, make it hard to pick out her natural features.</p><p class="western">Yuuri clears his throat. “Hi.”</p><p class="western">The woman still doesn't say anything.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances at his friends – they look as lost as he does. Even Emil is making a bit of a face, like he doesn't know if he should step in or let the scene unfold as is. Maybe this person is nervous and can't find their tongue? Yuuri can certainly relate.</p><p class="western">So he tries again. “Did you want a print?”</p><p class="western">“You,” the Jolyne says, and oh, her voice isn't at all what Yuuri expects to hear. Not quite low and masculine, but not entirely high and feminine either. Being physically much closer now, Yuuri notices now that a rainbow and holographic button has been pinned to the lanyard of their con badge, in a prime spot for most peoples eyes to naturally find. It boldly reads: <em>“Hi! My pronouns are he/she/they.”</em></p><p class="western">It strikes Yuuri then that he's likely not the only crossplayer at a con this big.</p><p class="western">Which might explain why this person is so focused on Yuuri, and not the rest of the group.</p><p class="western">“Yes?” he says, prompting this person to continue.</p><p class="western">“You...” they start again, and then, before Yuuri has a chance to fully brace himself, they blurt out in a loud voice, “<em>are my hero!</em>”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stiffens in his seat. “Uh...”</p><p class="western">“You're my favourite cosplayer of all time!” they continue, voice slowly escalating as they get increasingly more and more excited. “I follow your channel and your Patreon and even your dead Twitter account. I was so lost when I discovered you, I didn't know who I was or what I am, but watching you be so feminine and beautiful online really spoke to me. I have you to thank for so much of myself. It's because of you that I feel comfortable as a man and a woman and everything inbetween. I've learned <em>so much</em> from you.”</p><p class="western">This time, it's Yuuri that stares silently, flabbergasted at all that's been thrown at him.</p><p class="western">The Jolyne continues, voice somehow picking up in speed and pitch and intensity, like their excitement is about to careen off the road and into a tree but they're too caught up in the moment to realize it and slow down.</p><p class="western">“I wanted to come see you earlier, but my make-up took <em>forever</em>. I needed to get it exactly right before I could show you. I saw you cosplay this last year and I loved it so much, I went and read all of Jojo to find out what this was all about, and now I'm a huge fan of that too! I can see why you picked Jolyne out of all the different Jojos there are, she's so unique, and that's really saying something.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels sweat beginning to collect beneath his wig. He resists the urge to wipe at his face, lest his hand smear any of his make up.</p><p class="western">“I took a lot of inspiration from your version, but I made some changes of my own as well, like with this spandex. I don't know if you noticed, but this spandex also has glitter in it! As if an Araki design isn't flamboyant enough, right? But I figure it's a nice bonus, it shimmers really nicely, or it did when I checked it out in the mirror before I came here.”</p><p class="western">They finally pause to take a breath. And then they ask Yuuri in a smaller, emotion filled voice, “What do you think?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri fumbles out an unsure sounding, “It's nice?”</p><p class="western">In only two simple words, the Jolyne cosplayer completely deflates. The sparkle goes dim in their eyes, and the corners of their smile fall.</p><p class="western">“Just... nice?” they say.</p><p class="western">What do they want Yuuri to say? He's still reeling from half of the things he's just heard; he can't get past the fact this person thinks Yuuri is some sort of hero to aspire to, a hero to <em>take inspiration from</em>. And yet they stand here before him, living proof that the world really is a fucking weird place to exist in, and he doesn't have the words to express how terribly uncomfortable it's making him feel right now.</p><p class="western">The Jolyne studies Yuuri's face, and the horror of the situation dawns on them far too quickly for Yuuri to rescue the encounter.</p><p class="western">What makes it even worse to watch is that Yuuri knows exactly how it feels to be in such a position. He can't help but feel the cosplayer's mortification mirrored deeply inside of himself, reminding him of all the times he's crammed his foot in his mouth, or made a fool of himself in front of someone he cares about.</p><p class="western">“Ah,” Phichit interrupts, voice too cheery for the occasion, “since you're such a huge fan, why don't you two take a selfie together? If you have your phone on you, I can take it for you if you like.”</p><p class="western">“... No, that's okay,” the Jolyne says. “Actually, I – I have to go now. It was nice meeting you!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tries to open his mouth, but his lips are glued together, and the Jolyne rushes out of the room faster than Yuuri can react to.</p><p class="western">If only they were the only ones to have witnessed such humiliation – there's a line-up to their table now, and more than a few people saw at least half of it play out in real time.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's breath feels stuck in his chest. This is a fucking nightmare.</p><p class="western">Why can't he just smile and play the part like everyone else does? Like Viktor can? This is just further evidence that he's not meant to be doing this. He's no hero, no star of the show. He's just some strange guy from Detroit who only feels comfortable in the spotlight when he pretends to be something so entirely different from himself, no one will look at him and see <em>him</em> for who he really is.</p><p class="western">Except he's sitting there now, dressed as a man, and this person approached him with the intention of connecting with him as a person, not just a cosplayer –</p><p class="western">And then there's the rest of their fans, out there on the con floor, who might come to the lip sync tonight expecting things from him too, a flawless routine that he doesn't have –</p><p class="western">And there's his friends, who are eyeing him now with worry in their eyes, who are depending on him to keep a good public image at their first real chance of moving up in the cosplay world –</p><p class="western">It's too much. Way too much. He needs to leave. Right now.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's already out of his seat and darting around the table.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri!” Phichit calls out after him. The concern in his voice is enough to get Yuuri to stop for a moment and glance back. He makes the mistake of letting his eyes also fall on Viktor's table, and he sees Viktor looking up and over at him.</p><p class="western">For once, Yuuri's glad there's a mask in the way of reading Viktor's true expression. He doesn't want to see the worry or disappointment on his idol's face as he runs away like the useless coward he is.</p><p class="western">“I-I'll be back,” he forces out, and then he's gone, racing as quickly as he can to the nearest exit that will take him to the outdoors.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(slams fits on table and shout/chants MORE TRANS CHARACTERS, MORE TRANS CHARACTERS!!!!)</p><p>WOW, WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS COSPLAYER, NO ONE WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO GUESS</p><p>If you honestly don't know and want to know before the next chapter drops, check the character tag because it has been updated ; o</p><p>LIP SYNC IS DEFINITELY NEXT CHAPTER</p><p>Here's a link to Yuuri's updated cosplay list: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1318256650961211394</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. find myself in the music</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>LONG CHAPTER AND LIP SYNC TIME. Brace yourselves, y'all.</p><p>Here's the order of songs mentioned in the lip sync (in case you wanna listen along):</p><p>“I Need A Hero” by Bonnie Tylor</p><p>“Larger Than Life” by Backstreet Boys</p><p>“It's Raining Men” cover by Geri Halliwell (originally by The Weather Girls)</p><p>“Cannibal” by Ke$ha</p><p>“Get This Party Started” by P!nk</p><p>“For Your Entertainment” by Adam Lambert</p><p> </p><p>Enjoooooooooy~ To those that celebrate, have a good Halloween weekend. Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">The first exit Yuuri finds slams open as he shoves through it and rushes out into the nearby field.</p><p class="western">The sun is high up on the sky. The air sizzles from the summer heat. It's only mid-afternoon of the first day, but already there are several scenic photo shoots taking place outside, by the trees, out in the open grass, and probably even further out into the wilderness for the more ambitious minded.</p><p class="western">Yuuri does his best to ignore them as he hangs around, walking back and forth, up and down the side of the quiet road, breathing deep and evenly to calm himself.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, no one seems to notice or care about him lurking about.</p><p class="western">He feels foolish, being out here by himself. He half expects a car driving by to slow down and for the passengers inside to stare at him as they pass by.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, that doesn't happen either.</p><p class="western">“I need to go back in,” Yuuri mumbles to himself. He doesn't know how long he's been outside, but it's already been far too long. He has a job to do, and an image to protect.</p><p class="western">Can he really do it, though? When he's already completely messed up not even halfway through the convention?</p><p class="western">The nearby exit slams open again, and Yuuri looks up, startled, wondering if someone's come after him.</p><p class="western">Except it's not who he expects to see: Seung Gil races out the door and into the field, head down and hands swinging fists at his side. He passes Yuuri by without a glance.</p><p class="western">“Seung Gil, where are you going?!” Yuuri hears someone shout from the exit. Another member of con staff, from the looks of it.</p><p class="western">It doesn't stop the man. If anything, he walks even faster.</p><p class="western">The commotion has the nearby cosplayers and photographers pausing and looking their way, no doubt wondering what's going on.</p><p class="western">Uncaring of the audience he's attracted, Seung Gil goes straight out into the middle of the field. He stops out in the open grass, squares his shoulders, throws his head back, and <em>screams</em>.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's jaw drops.</p><p class="western">Seung Gil screams long and loud and uninterrupted, until his voice turns raw and weak from lack of air. The field is eerily quiet when he's finished, but for the sound of nearby birds chirping excitedly. No one says or does anything, they only watch in bewilderment as Seung Gil slowly turns around, and takes his time walking back to the exit.</p><p class="western">He stops briefly when his path crosses Yuuri's, looking up to say in a flat voice, “Shouldn't you be at your table?”</p><p class="western">“Ah,” Yuuri says, “I... forgot something out here. I found it, though.”</p><p class="western">Seung Gil sniffs, face blank and uncaring, and then he keeps walking.</p><p class="western">The rest of the cosplayers and their photographers gradually go back to their hobby.</p><p class="western">With a small sigh, Yuuri shakes his nerves off as best he can, and heads back to where he came from.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, there you are!” Phichit says upon his return, sounding beyond relieved to see Yuuri heading back to the table. Honestly, he doesn't blame his friend for thinking he might have just left. “Where'd you go? I was starting to get worried.”</p><p class="western">“Just outside,” Yuuri explains. He's careful not to look over at Viktor's side of the alley, or at anyone, really. He's also careful to keep the corner of his lips up in what he hopes is a convincing enough smile for his friends and their liaison to accept. “I needed a little air, but I'm all better now.”</p><p class="western">“Are you sure? If you need more space...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “I'm fine. Did I miss anything important?”</p><p class="western">“Not really. We were going to send someone after you, but you came back in time.”</p><p class="western">The current fan at their table asking Phichit a question steals his attention away, which gives Yuuri the perfect opportunity to... well, stand there and respond if and when spoken to. He smiles politely at the person at their table, but is left alone for the most part. They seem more interested in talking to his friend than anyone else, which is perfectly fine with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Inside his kimono, Yuuri flexes his hands and tries to will the shakiness out of his skin.</p><p class="western">To his relief, no one in the line up looks at him funny. No one says anything when they step up. It's like he didn't make an incredibly awkward scene out of nowhere. It's good, he thinks. It'll make pretending he wants to be there easier to fake.</p><p class="western">He can do that. Fake it all. For a whole weekend. He <em>has</em> to.</p><p class="western">And yet, as he plays the part of a convention guest trapped behind a table, his clenching stomach and sweaty palms argue with him otherwise.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Several more hours pass before Emil finally puts up the sign again, signalling to everyone that their chance at photos or prints or even just a quick “hello” is over for the time being. Yuuri barely holds back a heavy sigh when he does. It's a good thing it's too loud in the alley for any random bystander to hear him be openly tired.</p><p class="western">“Okay guys,” Emil says, leading them out of the alley. “Time for a quick dinner, and then it's time for your panel, then your lip sync after that. Do you need to stop by your hotel room to grab anything for them? It'll probably be your last chance before your back-to-back panels.”</p><p class="western">“I've got my laptop in the room,” Phichit says. “And the presentation and music is all on a flash drive just in case something happens to that.”</p><p class="western">Emil grins. “Oh, good! You never know with panels, or technology for that matter. We should be fine with the laptop, though. I can go get both while you guys are eating. Unless you want to chill in your hotel room this time? I don't blame you if you do. You boys look exhausted.”</p><p class="western">“The hotel room,” Yuuri blurts out before anyone else has a chance to say anything. He tacks on a quick, embarrassed sounding, “Uh, please.”</p><p class="western">No one argues the idea. His friends look as eager as he feels to go to some place where they can't be stared at, or talked to, or asked things of. So they quickly make their plans – they give Emil their dinner orders, let the man rush off to grab said food – and then they head back to their room for a proper break.</p><p class="western">“This wig needs to come off as of last weekend,” Guang Hong groans the second they step back into their hotel room. He yanks it off his head and tosses it recklessly onto the table of their sitting room.</p><p class="western">“Careful!” Leo gasps. “That took hours to style. We don't have time to fix it if you mess it up.”</p><p class="western">“I don't even care right now,” Guang Hong moans into the arm of the couch he collapses onto. “My head hurts so much. Where's the Advil? Did we even pack any?”</p><p class="western">“Pain relief, coming right up,” says Phichit. He tosses it and a bottle of water Guang Hong's way.</p><p class="western">The next hour passes in relative quiet. Not even Phichit, who usually grabs his camera at the first sign of a small break from con shenanigans for his usual vlogging, does much of anything during their time off. Everyone sheds their wigs, shoes, even parts of their costumes, and they lay about the sitting room and eat the food Emil brings up to them.</p><p class="western">Yuuri knows they all look funny, half in their costumes, half out of them. Incomplete. No one cares. Cosplay pieces and garbage are strewn all about like a massive hurricane hit the suite, but all anyone cares about is resting their sore feet and shoving food down their throats and into their aching bellies.</p><p class="western">As he nibbles at his food, Yuuri spends the limited time he has going over his make-up one last time. He won't have a chance to fix anything once they start their panels. It survived most of the day, but sweat is powerful against even the best of finishing sprays some days, especially in early July, so Yuuri reapplies powder and a little contour to keep his features sharp and masculine. His eyeliner started to smudge at the corners at some point during the day, so he fixes that as well, even going over the whole wing on his top lid to make sure the line remains dark and crisp.</p><p class="western">Not that it will matter that much when he's on stage. Most people won't see him up close. But he'll know, and that's enough to throw him off balance if he's not careful.</p><p class="western">When he decides he's somewhat satisfied with his face, Emil looks at his phone and says, “Whoops. Looks like it's time to go, guys. You all set?”</p><p class="western">Phichit answers, “Give us, like, five minutes to get back into character and then we're good to go.”</p><p class="western">Jokingly, Emil holds his hand flat against his cheek and turns his head. “I see nothiiiiing.”</p><p class="western"><em>This is it</em>, Yuuri thinks to himself as he slips his wig back onto his head and readjusts it until it looks right on his head. No turning back now. As soon as they walk out that door, it's Phichit and Guang Hong's “Cosplay, Social Media, and You” panel, and then... then it's the lip sync. Only several hours to go until he has to walk out onto the stage of the main even room and...</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, hurry up!” Phichit calls from the hotel room entrance. “We only got fifteen minutes, and there's no way we're not gonna get stopped on the way.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Yuuri apologizes. “I'm coming, I promise.”</p><p class="western">“Good,” Phichit says, “because I'm trusting you with my camera during the panel. Make sure you get our good side. Our Patrons deserve good framing.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. Well, at least it's something to distract himself with for the next hour or so.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The panel is here and gone in a flash.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't recall a second of it. One minute he and Leo sit down up front, Phichit's camera on a tripod in front of them, angled to perfectly capture Phichit and Guang Hong as well as their power point presentation, and then the next thing he knows it's the last ten minutes of the panel, and his friends are taking questions from the audience.</p><p class="western">“That went pretty well,” Leo leans in and whispers to him.</p><p class="western">“Ah, yeah,” Yuuri whispers back. The questions are numerous and threaten to overflow into the time slot meant for the next panel, so it certainly seems like it was a hit. Phichit's even sitting up on the mini stage, grinning like a mad man who just had his first taste of power.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri will have to make time after the con is over to watch the panel again when it's posted on their Patreon. He owes his friends hard work at least that much.)</p><p class="western">Con staff soon step in and inform the audience that they must leave if they're not staying for the next panel, and Phichit and Guang Hong are able to grab their things and hop off of the mini stage.</p><p class="western">They make their exit quickly, cutting through the crowd to get to their next destination: the main event room.</p><p class="western">“Lip sync, lip sync, lip sync!” Phichit chants into his camera.</p><p class="western">“It's still a good hour until the actual lip sync,” Leo reminds him.</p><p class="western">“<em>Lip sync, lip sync, lip sync!</em>” Phichit chants even louder. He's so boisterous and enthusiastic, nearby con attendees even start chanting back, fists pumping into the air. It has Phichit laughing in utter delight. “C'mon, Yuuri! Get hyped!”</p><p class="western">Awkwardly, Yuuri lifts a fist about chin level and gives it a small shake.</p><p class="western">The main event room is still clearing out when they arrive. A con volunteer stands at the closed twin doors, making sure everyone leaves and that only them and the performers who signed up for the event actually enter the room during the little time they have to prep everything.</p><p class="western">Emil and several other volunteers go about making sure the stage and lighting situation is up to par while the four of them wait for everyone else to show up. Yuuri doesn't know how, but somewhere down the line Phichit got a hold of a clip board, and has dug out a list of performers. He checks names off with a sharpie as he greets the cosplayers who walk down to meet them at the stage.</p><p class="western">They give it ten minutes before they try to get the show on the road.</p><p class="western">“Is that everyone? I think that's everyone.” Phichit asks out loud to no one. He doesn't wait for an answer, either. He clears his throat, and begins shouting to the small crowd, “Hi, everyone! I'm Phichit, the guy running the show. These three are Yuuri, Leo, and Guang Hong. My minions, if you will. I'm gonna give you a quick run down of what you need to know before you get up on that stage, and then we have whatever time we have left to smooth out any other kinks. You guys need anything, or have any questions later on, find one of us or one of the staff. Got it?”</p><p class="western">Several people in the crowd call out some form of acknowledgement, or nod their head. Which is fine, because everyone's eyes are on Phichit, and it's clear they're listening.</p><p class="western">“Good! Okay, so...”</p><p class="western">“Heeeey!” the volunteer by the door shouts. “You got one last person!”</p><p class="western">Phichit looks up from his clipboard, blinking. “Huh? Oh, I did miss someone.” He shouts back, “Okay! Send 'em down!”</p><p class="western">“Sorry, sorry!” the last performer calls out as they rush down one of the many aisles between the many, <em>many</em> seats. “I got lost, and...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts his head, and his stomach drops when he realizes who the missing performer is.</p><p class="western">How is it seriously the Jolyne from earlier? Is the universe laughing at him?!</p><p class="western">“Hey, it's okay,” Phichit is saying to them. There's no way he doesn't recognize the cosplayer either, but he's acting like it's the first time they've ever talked. “I take it you're Minami?”</p><p class="western">Minami's eyes dart between Yuuri and Phichit before decidedly glancing away from the former. “Y-Yeah...”</p><p class="western">Phichit smiles at them reassuringly. “No worries, friend. We were just starting, you haven't missed anything yet.”</p><p class="western">Minami wets their lips and nods, looking anything but relieved.</p><p class="western"><em>No, no, no...</em> Yuuri thinks as Phichit gives the newcomers a run down of how the show works. He can't be in the same room as Minami for more than ten minutes, let alone several <em>hours</em>. It's a ticking time bomb of some other avoidable failure waiting to happen.</p><p class="western">But there's no avoiding this – and it's not like Yuuri can leave. He's the mid-way point of the show, the intermission, and their fans will wonder what happened when the show is uploaded online next week and his dance is noticeably absent. He's never missed a dance, not since he started doing this several years ago.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri grits his teeth and tries to bear the awkwardness of it all.</p><p class="western">When Phichit's done explaining everything and questions are answered, the performers are given a chance to either go up on the stage and get a feel for how their dance will play out in the actual space given, or go hang out in the backstage green room and wait for the actual show to start.</p><p class="western">Yuuri hangs back, waiting to see whichever Minami chooses so he can do the opposite.</p><p class="western">Without looking at anyone, Minami keeps their head down and heads off to the back stage. Yuuri breathes a small sigh of relief, and lingers around the stage with the small subset of the group that wanted to practice on the big stage.</p><p class="western">(It mostly turns into several cosplayers joking around and taking videos of themselves before the big show, but neither Yuuri nor his friends care too much. So long as they're feeling themselves and good to go on when the time comes, they can do whatever they want.)</p><p class="western">In the darkness, a burst of light suddenly comes from one of the twin doors parting. Someone leaving to go find a bathroom? Another late performer? Yuuri certainly hope it's not the latter. They don't have much time to...</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” a voice calls out.</p><p class="western">“Viktor?” Yuuri calls back, stunned. He squints in the darkness, sees a body moving towards them. The blue glow of Viktor's escrima sticks give Yuuri something to latch onto as Viktor eventually appears in the limited light.</p><p class="western">(It also helps that Yuuri took his contacts out before they left the hotel room. Not that his eyesight is all that great, but it's certainly better without the gold-yellow tint messing with everything.)</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor greets. “The alley got pretty dead, so I got permission to come early. What's up?”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Yuuri says, “you know.” He gestures vaguely to the rowdiness behind him.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks over his shoulder and snorts. “Need me to herd them up for you?”</p><p class="western">“Nah, it's fine. It usually happens whenever we do this. I'm fine with letting them get the wackiness out of their system now. Phichit's pretty good at commanding people when he wants to, anyway.” Not sure what else to say, Yuuri nods at the long table sitting on the side of the stage. “Uh, we're all ready for the judges. Did you wanna go pick a spot or...?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe later.” Stepping in, Viktor softens his voice and asks quietly, “Can I ask what happened earlier today? I saw you rushing off, and I've been worried ever since.”</p><p class="western">After a pause, mostly to make sure Phichit is still around and keeping an eye on things, Yuuri says, “Follow me.”</p><p class="western">They go find a couple of seats, far, far back from the stage, where no one will bother them. Viktor even turns off the LED lights in his props to make them less noticeable to anyone who happens to glance their way.</p><p class="western">There Viktor sits patiently, and Yuuri recalls for him the whole embarrassing story.</p><p class="western">“Oh, boy,” Viktor sighs at the end. “I can see why you rushed off.”</p><p class="western">“I royally fucked up,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“Well...”</p><p class="western">“You can say it. I know it's true.”</p><p class="western">“It's not that you <em>fucked up</em>,” Viktor stresses. “It was just a new situation you didn't know how to respond to. Most people wouldn't know how to react to being told something like that out of nowhere. I've been in similar scenarios, and I'll tell you right now that I still don't know how to respond to things like that. Smiling and thanking them doesn't usually hurt, though.”</p><p class="western">“It sounds so easy and simple when you put it like that.” Yuuri slumps in his chair, pouting when his foam pauldron starts to press into his cheek. He does his best to shove it aside without bending or damaging anything.</p><p class="western">“But it's not. I know it's not.”</p><p class="western">“I wish it was. You make it look so easy.”</p><p class="western">“Practice and experience,” Viktor says with a shrug. “You'll get a handle of things by the end of the weekend.”</p><p class="western">“Doesn't feel like it...” Yuuri bites his lip to stop himself from continuing. Does he even want to admit the rest?</p><p class="western">It's Viktor, though. And it's becoming too much to keep all to himself. He needs an outlet, <em>something</em>, before the show.</p><p class="western">“And to be honest with you,” Yuuri says, “it's not the only thing I'm really stressed out over.”</p><p class="western">“Is it about Minami being back stage right now?”</p><p class="western">“N – Well, okay, that too. I'm not super happy about them being here near me after what happened.” Yuuri's leg bounces up and down anxiously. “But it's not that. It's about my dance.”</p><p class="western">Viktor tilts his head. “What about it?”</p><p class="western">“It's... it's not done.”</p><p class="western">“It's not done?” Viktor echoes, flabbergasted.</p><p class="western">“Nope.” Yuuri loudly pops the 'p' like he's also amazed at how fucked he is right now.</p><p class="western">Viktor's shoulders fall. “Oh, shit. I thought you said things were fine with it, though?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. “It <em>is</em> fine. That's the problem. It's not any better than that. I have a mangled routine that I'm only half into, and I have to perform it in about an hour in front of who knows how many people. And it's totally going to end up on a bunch of different phones and cameras, which is then going to be posted online for the whole world to see.”</p><p class="western">“Well, we got about half an hour...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “It's not enough time to fix anything.”</p><p class="western">“Maybe, maybe not. What about it is giving you the most trouble?”</p><p class="western">“... The whole thing?”</p><p class="western">To Yuuri's surprise, the general comment doesn't deter Viktor at all. Instead, the older cosplayer says, “So, it's the general vibe that's giving you a problem?”</p><p class="western">“That's one way to put it,” Yuuri says. “I have the choreography down, and it's not technically bad, but I can't get it to feel right.”</p><p class="western">“What feels wrong?”</p><p class="western">“Viktor...” Yuuri weakly protests. Can't he just shut his brain off and <em>not</em> think about his inevitable doom?</p><p class="western">“C'mon,” Viktor gently urges. “It's just me. I'm not gonna go running to anyone with your secrets. You can trust me.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pinches the bridge of his nose. He exhales deeply as he caves. “It doesn't feel right because it doesn't feel like <em>me</em>. Because it's a <em>male</em> costume.”</p><p class="western">That has Viktor pausing.</p><p class="western">“...What do you mean?” he asks after some hesitation.</p><p class="western">“See? It sounds stupid. I <em>am</em> a man!” Yuuri hisses, quietly, on the extremely off chance someone from the other side of the fucking ginormous room might hear them. “But when I dress up like one, when I try to perform like one, I dunno, I just panic more. It feels too close to who I actually am. It feels like people can see me more than the actual costume. With a costume like Sesshoumaru's, I feel this pressure to be even more masculine than I normally am. To be tall and intimidating and powerful. I don't know if I can fake even half of that. I'm terrified I'm going to step out there and look like a complete joke.”</p><p class="western">“You won't,” Viktor says, but Yuuri shakes his head and laughs.</p><p class="western">“You have no way of knowing that.”</p><p class="western">“Neither do you.”</p><p class="western">In an impulsive moment, Yuuri almost goes to rub his face – he catches himself just in time to prevent himself from smearing his make up all over his face. With a groan, he slaps his hand down into his lap.</p><p class="western">“I know. I know that... but my brain likes to make up all of these scenarios, and they're all worse than the last. I can't even picture a future where things go well, because it's like my head has already decided what the future has to be. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I've <em>been</em> feeling sick all month over this.”</p><p class="western">“Well, there's your answer,” Viktor says, already sounding like he's found an obvious solution. “If you know your brain is lying to you, then ignore it. Pretend it's some heckler you can throw a middle finger at.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but make a face. Is Viktor honestly serious right now?</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” he deadpans, “I have <em>anxiety</em>. If I could do that, I would've done it years ago.”</p><p class="western">“What?” Viktor starts, sounding confused. “Wait, when you say anxiety, you mean...”</p><p class="western">“Meds? Therapy? Breathing exercises? Constantly fighting with my head? I've got 'Big A' anxiety,” Yuuri tumbles out. He cringes at himself. Guilt twists in his belly with how harsh it all comes out, how exasperated he sounds, but he doesn't have it in him to hide how worn out he is right now.</p><p class="western">“...Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was that bad,” Viktor murmurs.</p><p class="western">“It's not your fault,” Yuuri sighs. “I know I've never really mentioned it before. It's annoying enough thinking about it. I don't like talking about it much.”</p><p class="western">Viktor winces. “Still. I didn't mean to trivialize...”</p><p class="western">“It's okay. I'm not mad. Just wishing this day was over already.”</p><p class="western">Viktor brushes some loose hair out of his face. “All right. Let's try and find a different solution elsewhere then. If I'm reading you right, you feel more comfortable being more feminine in your presentation?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe?” Yuuri pauses. “I think... I think I might just be more comfortable being something that's obviously not like me. The more work I have to put into becoming something else, the easier it is to pretend I'm <em>not</em> me. But it apparently only works one way and not the other. I can comfortably be a super feminine woman, but the second I try to be super masculine, my brain starts fighting me.”</p><p class="western">“...I think I understand,” Viktor says softly.</p><p class="western">Yuuri hits his head against the back of his chair. “Yeah. So. That's how fucked I am. Pray for me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor turns more in his seat, body curling towards Yuuri. His size blocks half of the stage from Yuuri's sight, and even feels almost... protective, strangely enough. Like he's a shield blocking out anything that might come between them and ruin the moment. It also feels just a little too intimate. Yuuri has to look away, lest Viktor see just how vulnerable he feels right now.</p><p class="western">“Can I say something?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows. “Yeah. Go for it.”</p><p class="western">“I've watched you dance...”</p><p class="western">“Please don't remind me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. Gently, not at him. “No, no. I mean, I've watched the videos you've posted on your Patreon. They're remarkable. You move like no one else.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno if compliments are going to trick my brain into believing I'm going to nail this,” Yuuri says with a grimace.</p><p class="western">“It might if you let me finish. What I wanted to say is that no matter how you were dressed at the time, no matter who you were pretending to be on those stages, you were always still you, doing what you're amazing at. The magic doesn't come from elsewhere. It comes from <em>you</em>.”</p><p class="western">Tentatively, Yuuri looks up at Viktor's face, listening.</p><p class="western">“So,” Viktor goes on, “let's shift the paradigm here. Your crossplays aren't you faking something you happen to be good at. Male costumes aren't a more 'real' version of yourself on display. They're all different parts of you, the parts you that you decide to show off to the world.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor...”</p><p class="western">“And that's what the people out there love, too. That's what Minami loves about you. People <em>follow you</em> for this stuff, Yuuri. You're stuck because you think, as Sesshoumaru, you have to dance a more masculine way that people will more readily believe. But what I'm saying is that people will believe anything so long as you're confident enough in what you're doing. Sell it the way you always have, and they'll gladly buy it.”</p><p class="western">Silently, Yuuri sits there and lets Viktor's words flow over him.</p><p class="western">“I'm still not over that,” he confesses.</p><p class="western">“Over what?”</p><p class="western">“Someone thinking I'm some big inspiration. Someone figuring out something about themselves just because I shake my ass on stage.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles at him fondly. “You are, though. You've certainly inspired me.”</p><p class="western">“That's even <em>more</em> unbelievable.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “It's still true, though. And I'm sure neither Minami nor I are the only ones who have found something special through you.”</p><p class="western"><em>But how is that even possible?</em> Yuuri wants to ask. He's just himself. Nothing special. Right?</p><p class="western">The entrance opens again. They both fall quiet as several people start heading down the aisles. The judges for the lip sync, Yuuri assumes. It's not quite time for the doors to open yet, but it's certainly drawing nearer.</p><p class="western">“We'd better get down there.” Viktor nods towards the stage. “It's almost show time.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Yuuri sighs. He lifts himself up, pausing to run a hand through the long strands of his wig to try and smooth it out.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm?” Yuuri hums distractedly.</p><p class="western">“When you're out there tonight... It's okay if you don't believe in yourself. But if it will help at all, then I want you to believe in the me who believes in you.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks, and then lets out surprised laugh. “Are you actually quoting Gurren Lagann at me right now?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe.” Viktor grins cheekily. “Is it working?”</p><p class="western">“You nerd,” Yuuri huffs out.</p><p class="western">“The biggest. It was the first dance of yours that I saw, you know. Your Nia Teppelin dance. It blew me away.” Viktor pats a hand on Yuuri's shoulder. “You'll blow everyone else away tonight, too. I can feel it.”</p><p class="western">“We'll see,” Yuuri mumbles.</p><p class="western">Already leading the way back down to the stage, Viktor tosses a grin over his shoulder at Yuuri and retorts, “That we will.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Hello, Duetto Con! Are you guys ready for a show?” Phichit calls out to the audience.</p><p class="western">They roar back, applause and cheers thunderous, almost earsplitting. The room is almost completely full but for the odd seat here and there.</p><p class="western">Yuuri peaks at them all from the stage wing, and gulps. They've never had a crowd this big before.</p><p class="western">(They've also never had a room this big before. Or as much advertisement for the event itself.</p><p class="western">Fuck. This really is the big leagues, now.)</p><p class="western">Phichit waits long enough for everyone to calm down before he opens his mouth to continue. Someone else beats him to the chase with a shrieking:</p><p class="western">“<em>Sit, boy!”</em></p><p class="western">A couple of people laugh. Yuuri nearly faceplams at the predictable joke. It was bad enough at the opening ceremony, and that several fans attempted it at their table over the course of the day, but do they really need to try and pull that one now?</p><p class="western">Hand planting itself firmly on his hip, Phichit steps out from behind the podium and laughs darkly into his microphone.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry, but unless your name is Kagome and you're a reincarnated priestess, you have absolutely no power here. I'm free to be as bad as I want for exactly an hour and a half.”</p><p class="western">The quip gets a heartier laugh out of the audience.</p><p class="western">“All right, moving on! Let's take a moment to say hello to our wonderful judges...”</p><p class="western"><em>Nice save,</em> Yuuri thinks. Leave it to Phichit to get things back on track.</p><p class="western">He steps back from the edge of the wing, letting the usual introductions fade into the background.</p><p class="western">Yuuri and Emil have been left with the task of looking over their performers, while Guang Hong mans the camera and Leo handles the other side of the stage. It's their usual set up, even if the physical space they're using is so much bigger and grander than they're used to.</p><p class="western">While Phichit runs the show out there, Yuuri has to make sure things run back here without issue.</p><p class="western">He also has to make sure that <em>he's</em> ready, when the moment finally comes.</p><p class="western">“If you've been with us before,” Phichit says, voice going low and almost conspiratorial, “then you know we don't normally do this... but this year we have – drum roll, please – <em>prizes! </em>A few wonderfully donated cash prizes from the con itself, as well as some fancy looking certificates for all of our wonderful contestants to use as bragging material for the rest of the weekend. And one such certificate requires you, our lovely audience. We need you to help us find our 'Best In Show.' If you really like what you see up here, shout, clap, give us whatever you got! Just be careful not to damage anything because none of us are made of money.”</p><p class="western">Some of the performers lingering in the wing laugh to themselves, while the others shift their weight from foot to foot or fidget with pieces of their costumes. The first half of the shows contestants are right in the wing with Yuuri, patiently waiting for their second to shine.</p><p class="western">Among them is Minami. They stand in a corner, eyes on the floor and arms loosely crossed, not in a show of defiance or rebelliousness (<em>See? I'm here despite our terrible meeting!</em>), but more like they're uncomfortable and waiting for this to be over and done with.</p><p class="western">Yuuri would know, because he's certainly done the same thing when he's uncomfortable and trapped in a social setting he can't escape from.</p><p class="western">In a blink and miss it moment, Minami's eyes lift and catch Yuuri's. They dart away just as quickly, like they accidentally grazed a flaming hot burner and are now stinging with regret.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in a shaky breath and tries to shove the guilt down. It pushes right back into like a sponge after it's been squeezed, and it fills his insides to the brim.</p><p class="western">Phichit calls out for the first performer to take the stage. They strut out, an Izuku Midoriya in full hero attire. After some lingering applause the entire room soon falls silent, and Yuuri can feel more than hear the expectation held on everyone's breath as they wait for the music to start.</p><p class="western">The crowd collapses into delighted gasps and shouts as an iconic song opens:</p><p class="western">“<em>Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods...”</em></p><p class="western">It's over almost as soon as it started. Yuuri is too distracted to catch most of it, but it sounds like the room loved the show.</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes sure the next person is ready to go out when their name is called. Meanwhile, Emil flutters around in the background, handing out bottles of water and protein bars to anyone who needs them. It's extremely warm back in the wing, so even Yuuri ends up taking a bottle and downing half of it in one long gulp.</p><p class="western">He notices, as he lowers his drink, that Minami isn't taking anything.</p><p class="western">That's not a good sign. And with how tensely Minami is holding themself, they're going to tire their body out before they even have a chance to walk out.</p><p class="western">There's no denying Yuuri messed this up, and it's going to have an impact on Minami's performance. The last thing he wants is for someone else to go out there and suffer humiliation. And what's his job if not to make sure their volunteer entertainment is primed for performance?</p><p class="western">Viktor thinks he's an inspiration. So does (did?) Minami. He doesn't agree with them, but that doesn't make their feelings any less real.</p><p class="western">...Maybe if he fakes it hard enough, he can prevent a disaster from happening. Maybe he can act like the hero Minami thinks he is.</p><p class="western">Biting his lip, Yuuri grabs a bottle from Emil and heads over.</p><p class="western">Minami is careful to not move as Yuuri approaches. He can see the subtle way Minami tenses up even more as he draws closer.</p><p class="western">“Uh, hey,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Minami answers without looking up.</p><p class="western">“Are you thirsty?”</p><p class="western">“Not really.”</p><p class="western">“It's pretty hot in here...”</p><p class="western">“I'm fine.”</p><p class="western">With an inward sigh, Yuuri sits the bottle on the floor, but he doesn't walk away. He can't give up before he's even properly tried. Viktor always has something smart and insightful to say, something that effortlessly lifts the hearts of others.</p><p class="western">(Okay, maybe not at <em>every </em>instance, but Viktor doesn't let himself get discouraged when things don't go the way as planned, either.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri has to at least <em>try. </em>What would Viktor say or do in this situation? Well, he'd probably try and fix what he accidentally cracked. Yuuri might as well start there.</p><p class="western">“About earlier...” he starts.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Minami blurts out at the same time.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. “What?”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Minami repeats, louder. “I was – I was being stupid, I know. I get over excited and my mouth just runs away from me and before I even know it I've said something dumb, and I didn't want that to happen to you, but it did and there's no taking it back.” They slap a hand over their mouth. “Oh, shit. You were just trying to say something right now, weren't you? I'm sorry!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts a hand. “H-Hey, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Actually, I was... I wanted to say I'm sorry, too. I don't really know how to do this whole guest thing yet. I gave you the wrong impression.”</p><p class="western">In the background the audience outside claps, and the fifth performer of the night heads out into the spotlight.</p><p class="western">The music begins shortly after: <em>“I may run and hide when you're screamin' my name, alright...”</em></p><p class="western">Minami blinks up at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p class="western">“I can tell I wrecked your day,” Yuuri explains. “You worked hard to pull off your costume, and I made you feel like an idiot in it. I'm sorry. You don't look just 'nice.' You look fantastic.” His throat feels dry and uncomfortable to talk through, but he has to keep pushing forward if he's going to get anywhere. “I'm awkward with this kind of thing. Well, I'm awkward in general, but especially with compliments. So I just wanted to say you nailed this costume, and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise.”</p><p class="western">Minami's jaw drops. “Really?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “Really.”</p><p class="western">Like the flick of a switch Minami's gloomy mood is brightened into a much bubblier one. “Apology accepted. And it's okay, I get it. I came on super strong. I knew you were awkward to begin with. I guess I just thought if I came charging in, all confident and stuff, maybe things would go well in spite of everything.”</p><p class="western">“It's not a bad plan,” Yuuri admits. “I'm sure it would've worked with anyone else.”</p><p class="western">Minami rubs their arm. “Um. Would it be too awkward if I came by your table later this weekend? I do really want a print from you. And a selfie, if you're willing. I'm still a huge fan, even if we got off to the wrong start.”</p><p class="western">“I'm willing,” Yuuri says, a small smile on his lips. “In fact, I'd be honoured.”</p><p class="western">The sound that escapes Minami's lips can only be described as a classic<em> squee</em>. They throw their arms open and move as if to wrap Yuuri up in a hug – but they stop at the last second and hang back.</p><p class="western">“Oops. Sorry. I'm also a huggy person,” they admit.</p><p class="western">“Let's save the hug for later,” Yuuri says, “when we're both not all hot and sweaty. Deal?”</p><p class="western">“Deal!”</p><p class="western">“Wow, what a wonderful performance, everyone give a hand to Princess Allura for her rendition of <em>It's Raining Men.</em> Now... brace yourselves for our next contestant. If you're not careful, they might just take a bite right out of you. Give a round of applause for Shuu Tsukiyama!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri and Minami glance over in time to see said performer stroll out of the wing, leaving the wing empty but for the two of them and Emil.</p><p class="western">“You're next,” Yuuri says, as the music begins to pound like a violent heartbeat.</p><p class="western">“<em>I have a heart, I swear I do, but just not baby when it comes to you...”</em></p><p class="western">Minami inches towards the edge of the wing. Yuuri follows, hanging close by as they watch the Shuu cosplayer dance.</p><p class="western">“I can't believe this is happening,” Minami breathes. They shake their hands, like they're trying to shake something off. “My whole body is tingling!”</p><p class="western">“Nervous?” Yuuri prompts.</p><p class="western">“<em>Excited</em>,” Minami answers. “I've been looking forward to this for months. I practiced every day this month, in and out of costume.”</p><p class="western">It's honestly a relief to hear that the same curse doesn't plague Minami's mind. There's no sense in both of them freaking out. “You're gonna do great.”</p><p class="western">Minami beams up at him. “Will you watch?”</p><p class="western">“Of course I will.” Then, a teasing lilt to his voice, Yuuri adds, “Not like there's much else to do in here until I go on.”</p><p class="western">“Hey!”</p><p class="western">“Joking,” Yuuri says with a laugh.</p><p class="western">“You'd better be,” Minami teases right back. “I took a lot of inspiration from you for this dance, too. I want you to see it.”</p><p class="western">“Now you're scaring me.”</p><p class="western">“Aw, don't be. It's a love letter if anything.” With a gasp, Minami slaps a hand over their mouth. “Uh, forget I said that. I didn't mean it like that.”</p><p class="western">A love letter? Now Minami must be really fucking with him. Talk about inspiration. “Don't worry, I heard nothing.”</p><p class="western"><em>Cannibal</em> ends, and the audience applauds the Shuu cosplayer as they bow and start walking off the stage.</p><p class="western">“This is it,” Yuuri says. “Warm up the stage for me, all right?”</p><p class="western">“Will do!”</p><p class="western">“Ladies and gentlemen, she's a bad girl who can't be stopped,” Phichit begins the intro. “Everyone, let's get this party started for Jolyne Cujoh!”</p><p class="western">Bouncing on their feet, Minami bursts out of the wing and onto the stage, hands up in the air as they wave enthusiastically. They take their place at the X marked on the stage, and in usual Jojo fashion, they pose like a model straight out of a runway.</p><p class="western">The music begins, opening with a familiar playful chuckle.</p><p class="western">“<em>I'm coming out, so you better get this party started!”</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri hangs by the edge of the wing, and watches.</p><p class="western">He's not sure what he expected out of Minami, but he's enthralled with what he ends up finding.</p><p class="western">Minami is energetic. Hips swinging, hands up in the air when they're not sliding down their hips. They take full advantage of the entire stage, making eye contact with all different sections of the crowd as they playfully bounce about the platform. Even their lip syncing is full of vigour: they fully enunciate each word, making each syllable hit the way it should.</p><p class="western">It's not perfect – but it doesn't have to be. It's full of love: of the motion, for the character, of showing off for everyone. And the crowd is absolutely eating it all up. They begin singing along to the song, clapping to the tempo.</p><p class="western">The lyrics take a small break in the middle of the song, which Minami then uses as the moment to pose in eccentric, modelesque ways that contort their body and give a shout out to the source material. They come and go like the flash of a camera shutter, and the speed and confidence behind them gets the audience riled up.</p><p class="western">“<em>Pose, pose, pose!</em>” several sections of rows chant. And Minami gladly delivers.</p><p class="western">Yuuri swears he actually sees <em>several</em> wigs and hats go flying up into the air as the crowd goes wild. He laughs into his hand, unable to help himself but smile at the chaotic energy Minami's unleashed unto the room.</p><p class="western">This is a love letter to Yuuri's work? Well, he can certainly see it now. He recognizes several moves as his own, though they come with their own Minami-inspired twist. And while some part of him is still is disbelief that this is even real, that anyone could ever feel this way about him or his work, there's no denying how amazing this is to watch.</p><p class="western">It brings back memories of when Yuuri first started doing this. How nervous he'd been that people wouldn't be receptive to a man in drag on stage. How amazed he was when people ate it up anyway and asked for a second helping.</p><p class="western">He still gets nervous that someday people will change their mind – but he's always proven wrong, each and every time, when he steps out there and entices the audience into buying his fantasy.</p><p class="western">Will his fears be proven wrong again tonight?</p><p class="western">It makes Yuuri wish he were crossplaying right now. This would be so much easier if he were a woman right now. He knows how to be a woman. He doesn't know how to be himself.</p><p class="western"><em>But do I have to be a woman to move like one?</em> Yuuri wonders.</p><p class="western">It's what Viktor hinted at earlier. The possibility that, maybe, he could just... do whatever he wants, rules be damned.</p><p class="western">Performing as a woman is his comfort zone, but who says that a man has to move in any particular way? Who says that the way he normally dances is limited to only femininity? It's him dancing, after all. And he's not really a woman, even if he does like to pretend to be one sometimes.</p><p class="western">It's still all him, at the end of the day. That's what Viktor said.</p><p class="western">“<em>You move like no one else.”</em></p><p class="western">So, maybe...</p><p class="western">Realization slams into Yuuri and makes his breath catch in his chest. Suddenly, he feels very foolish for not thinking of it earlier, for letting his mind stay so trapped in such a tiny, limited box.</p><p class="western">He always thought of his gender expression as two sides of a coin. Perform as a woman, live as a man. How did he ever not let himself see that other options still existed for him? It's not a coin. It's more like a prism, exploding with a rainbow of possibility when the light passes through, and all of it is available to him should he choose to reach out for it.</p><p class="western">His previous idea for Sesshoumaru doesn't work. The intimidation and predator-like attitude doesn't translate the way he wants it to. He's had weeks of practice to see this. So what if he tilts the dance on its head and does something more... himself?</p><p class="western">He doesn't have to change the dance choreography itself. Just the way he moves.</p><p class="western">But with only thirty seconds to go until he finally has to go out there, does he have it in him to pull it off?</p><p class="western">Only one way to find out.</p><p class="western">Minami's dance ends with an explosion of cheers and clapping. Beaming, they blow the crowd a kiss and wave good-bye as they head off to the opposite side of the stage, where Leo waits for them.</p><p class="western">“Wow!” says Phichit when the applause finally begin to wane. “Talk about a party, folks. We'll be remembering that one for years to come. All right, it's about time for intermission. I'll give the four of you who literally lost their wigs during this a chance to go and find them. But for the rest of you, please stay in your seats! We have a little dance of our own for you all to enjoy. Judges, you can sit back and relax on this one, because this ain't business, it's all pleasure. Folks, give a warm welcome to Sesshoumaru!”</p><p class="western">Fuck. This is it. <em>This is it.</em></p><p class="western">Off to the side, Emil gives him two thumbs up. “Good luck!”</p><p class="western">Nodding, Yuuri takes a deep breath - and he steps out into the light.</p><p class="western">The stage lights glare into him, hot like the sun from earlier that day, but Yuuri keeps himself from wincing at its intensity. He walks over onto the X marked on the stage, eyes not quite meeting the crowd. He can hear people whispering, speculating. He even hears several flirtatious whistles.</p><p class="western">What's his opening pose again? Oh, right. Back to the audience, head down...</p><p class="western">He gets into position. And he waits.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances up and over at the judges. His eyes pass over the others and fall solely on Viktor, who is sitting at his table with an eager smile. At some point, probably before the competition started, he took off his mask, revealing his bright blue eyes. Someone is saying something to him, and he leans in to hear them, but his eyes are on Yuuri, expectant.</p><p class="western"><em>Well,</em> Yuuri thinks to himself, <em>I hope this is what you came for.</em></p><p class="western">No, no. That's not the attitude to have. Viktor <em>did</em> come for this. And even if Yuuri doesn't believe in himself right now, Viktor still does, and that will always mean something to him.</p><p class="western">For that reason alone, Yuuri is going to make sure no one, let alone Viktor, regrets coming to the show.</p><p class="western">Everyone has expectations of what a Sesshoumaru cosplayer looks and acts like. Yuuri's struggled with it for months now. Those feelings hurt his chances of meeting Viktor at Chihoko Con and made him feel off all day. It hurt his morning, made him doubt himself when he was <em>asked</em> to be here, goddammit. But he isn't going to let it trail after him any longer. He's going to do things his way.</p><p class="western">No one is expecting what they're about to get. And so long as Yuuri can help it, he's going to make sure it's a show no one ever forgets. Be it a success or failure, it might as well be memorable.</p><p class="western">The music begins. Slow, steady, foreplay to lead into the main event. Yuuri begins to move to the rhythm, warming up the crowd for what he's about to deliver, because it's now or nothing and there's no way Yuuri is turning back.</p><p class="western">Seconds before the opening lyrics drop, he twists the upper half of his body with all the power of a snap, and he mouths:</p><p class="western">“<em>So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace?”</em></p><p class="western">He begins to dance.</p><p class="western">Yuuri hears more than sees the crowd suck in a surprised breath. Because unlike a man who would own the stage with powerful sweeps of his arms, with stomping feet, with heated and aggressive eyes that command attention, Yuuri instead tips his head back and moves with elegant gestures of his body that are no less powerful or pleasing. His long wig hair whips about the stage with each turn of his body, enlarging his presence on the stage as well as draping intimately across his body when it lands again. His clawed hand reaches out to the crowd, but it's not curled like a violent demon ready to tear your heart out. Instead it curls like a seductive lover, begging the audience to come hither into his waiting arms.</p><p class="western">And when he reigns it all back in again, he makes sure to catch his bottom lip with the tip of his claw and drag his hand down his body. More wolf whistles shoot through the air at his self-loving display.</p><p class="western">“<em>No escaping when I start,”</em> Yuuri mouths, letting his head roll down so as to peer up at everyone through his long lashes, “<em>once I'm in I own your heart. There's no way you'll ring the alarm, so hold on until it's over.”</em></p><p class="western"><em>Oh, </em>the song and the audience gasps.</p><p class="western">The chorus swells into something powerful, and with it Yuuri as well. He arches his back like he's in the midst of unbearable pleasure, and he's quick to transition it into a sexy roll of his body that has the crowd howling for more. He can hear them, so loud they're practically inside his head, but Yuuri's too focused on reworking his choreography on the spot to pay much attention. His body recalls each planned move like muscle memory, but he translates it on the spot into something that blends the feminine and masculine together into something entirely new.</p><p class="western">There's a brief pinch of worry – that this is too much, too far, there's only so much the audience will accept – but with each roll of his hips, sway of his arms, and toss of his head, he finds the crowd eating up every morsel of it and growing hungrier with each passing second.</p><p class="western">It fills Yuuri with a whole new feeling he's not used to.</p><p class="western">And then Yuuri realizes it's no longer fear of failure pumping in his blood. It's encouragement. It's empowerment. It's fucking satisfaction. This is what he's good at, and he's not surviving this, he's <em>thriving</em>. He's a god on the stage, and he can make the audience sigh and whimper with just a single motion of his body.</p><p class="western">And he finds, maybe most surprisingly of all, that he's <em>loving</em> every damn second of it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri twists around to approach the other side of the stage, but he nearly makes a face when the giant, fluffy tail on his shoulder blocks his view. No matter, though. On impulse, Yuuri grabs the tail, swinging it around in large, playful circles. With a firm (but careful) yank, he unlocks the tail from the magnet with which the base is connected to, and he thrusts it out into the audience where it can't bother him anymore.</p><p class="western">(... Oh, no. Did he really just do that?!)</p><p class="western">It goes flying out farther than Yuuri ever intended. Several people in the front row stand up to try and catch it. Someone does, though he can't make out who. There's no time to worry about it now, but that's okay. If anything, the high Yuuri feels right now makes him almost laugh at his own ridiculousness.</p><p class="western">He glances the judges way, <em>Viktor's</em> way, to see if he'd seen what Yuuri had just done, and he's flabbergasted when he realizes that someone is trying to talk to Viktor while he's in the middle of a performance. What's worse is that Viktor's attention seems torn between the two; he's trying to watch, but he's also trying to be polite and not shut out the other judge either.</p><p class="western">Something else swells in Yuuri's chest. And the only word Yuuri can find to describe the new emotion is <em>“mine.”</em></p><p class="western">Viktor didn't come to see a show only to miss half of it.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri's going to remedy this right fucking now.</p><p class="western">Throwing the rest of his routine out the window, Yuuri saunters over to his unsuspecting prey.</p><p class="western">Viktor finally stops listening to the judge at his side and sees what Yuuri aims to do, but not in time to stop him.</p><p class="western">The crowd collectively gasps and cheers as Yuuri, without any warning, hops up and crawls onto the judges table. Pens are knocked off the table, rolling out onto the stage, and papers scatter. He's up on his knees, looming over Viktor. The crowd can't see much of what Yuuri's doing, with his body mostly turned away, but those who can go shrill as Yuuri writhes and drags his hands up and down his frame, lips wrapped lovingly around the words, <em>“Do you like what you see?”</em></p><p class="western">And then, impulsively, and because Yuuri doesn't fear any god or death or anyone that can possibly stop him now, he places his fingertip on Viktor's lips. It's softer than Yuuri expects, full and plush, and it almost makes him loose his train of thought.</p><p class="western">But only almost.</p><p class="western">“<em>Let me entertain ya 'til you scream,” </em>Yuuri fake-sings.</p><p class="western">(It's brief, but Yuuri swears he feels Viktor's lip tremble beneath his touch.)</p><p class="western">Satisfied that he has Viktor's full attention now, Yuuri finally hops off the table with a loud clang and returns to the rest of his adoring audience.</p><p class="western">But not without a last glance at the judges.</p><p class="western">Yuuri winks at them. <em>“Oh, I bet you thought I was soft and sweet. You thought an angel swept you off your feet.” </em>With a flourish, he spins and faces the audience again, and he points at them one last time as he announces what is the undeniable truth:<em> “Well I'm about to turn up the heat. I'm here for your entertainment!”</em></p><p class="western">And then it's over.</p><p class="western">Yet it doesn't feel like it, because the roar from the crowd is endless, deafening even, and Yuuri's heart pounds in his chest like he's moments from his end.</p><p class="western">“Wow! Wow, wow, wow,” he hears Phichit repeat mindlessly into his microphone. “Wasn't that something? I don't know about you, but my heart just about stopped there! I'm so glad my camera got all of that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks just in time to see Phichit and Guang Hong exchange thumbs up.</p><p class="western">“What are you waiting for?” Phichit says, and it takes a moment for Yuuri to realize Phichit is talking to him. “Go ahead and take a bow, Mr. Seductive Demon Man.”</p><p class="western">Panting, Yuuri collects himself as best he can and gives a small bow. Then he gives a final wave to the crowd before he heads back to the stage wing he originated from, so that he can start looking after the next set of performers that Emil should have retrieved during the performance.</p><p class="western">“And to the person who caught that giant tail,” Phichit continues, voice only a touch more serious, “please do return it to us at the end of the show. That thing took hours to make, and I'm very sure our Sesshoumaru would very much like it back.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. the past is never really gone, but it's not the future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: references/discussion of a past abusive relationship and toxic friendships. It doesn't dive too into detail, but if you've been there, then oh boy will you recognize this bullshit from a mile away. My heart was pounding the whole time I wrote about it lmao. If you need to skip the worst of it, start at "So... you know how I'm not so good at making friends?" and come back into the story at "The last word is barely."</p><p>I'll leave a description of what you need to know in the end notes. /finger guns</p><p>REGULAR NOTES TIME:</p><p>Insert “millennial participation trophy” jokes here? Ngl tho, I actually love it when competitive panels do this because it's always fun to hear what wacky things people are being awarded for. It's so easy to be like “1st, 2nd, 3rd” place, but it's MORE fun to award someone for, say, “the biggest/most complicated wig build I've ever seen” or something.</p><p>For anyone wondering how Viktor magically knows to use to a pronoun for Minami that's not automatically he/him, Yuuri defaulted to they/them when he told Viktor about their issue in the last chapter, so Viktor's just automatically going with that.</p><p>(Or maybe the contestants were told to provide pronouns when they signed up, I dunno. It's 2017 in-fic so I'm less inclined to think that was a thing that was really happening because pronoun stuff was still pretty new – or still outright ignored – in massive public spaces not even a few years ago but maybe this particular con is that progressive. It's up to you on which you believe more~)</p><p>Cosplay/nerd notes:</p><p>“All right, everyone, let's mosey,” is an infamous line said by Cloud Strife in the original Final Fantasy VII game (so far it's not in the remake, but who knows, maybe it'll make an appearance in a future installment). Not that Michele knows this lmao, he didn't get that far into the game</p><p>“Dilly dally, shilly shally” is another quote from the same game by Aerith Gainsborough (thought you might have also heard it in the movie, Advent Children). It basically amounts to “whatever/it is what it is, so let's move on.”</p><p>Beezlemon and Impmon are from Digimon Tamers. </p><p>Zarya is from Overwatch. Please imagine a big buff lady towering over Yuuri, handing him back his fluffy tail. It fills me with delight.</p><p>Yojimbo is an Aeon (aka magic summon) from Final Fantasy X. It's a 2001 JRPG game that got a remaster in 2013, which is the year Viktor cosplayed it. It's a very big and complex costume to make. Yojimbo also has a dog companion, which is how Makkachin was able to cosplay with Viktor lol</p><p>Fushigi Yuugi is an old popular early 90s shoujo manga + anime about a girl named Miaka who, after her and her best friend Yui read a mysterious book in a library, are suddenly transported to a fictionalized ancient Chinese world where they're priestesses of old gods that belong to two warring kingdoms. It's dramatic and soap opera-y as fuck, but it's also very entertaining.</p><p>An important character from this series to keep in mind is Nuriko, who is a man that disguised himself as a woman in order to get close to his love, the emperor Hotohori. The gender politics of Nuriko are a fucking mess and things get weirdly retconned later in the series (oh, he didn't want to be a woman just to be close to Hotohori/because he wants a relationship between them to be legitimized, it's because of trauma over a dead sister???? He's trying to live as her??). I love Nuriko so much but oh boy. Oh boy. (This is all a bigger piss off if you know what happens to him halfway through the story.)</p><p>There ARE spoilers for what happens to him in this chapter, so heads up!</p><p>Nuriko is also not the only genderqueer character in the entire FY series! There's another character who, kind of like Ranma from Ranma 1/2, physically changes between male and female. Their name is Uruki and they're from the prequel manga “Fusihigi Yuugi: Genbu Kaiden.”</p><p>Also, last note: the opinions Sara and Viktor have over Nuriko are all ones I've had in the past, and aren't necessarily textual/canon. They're very much “trans people having opinions about queer characters that get the short end of the stick.” So if you decide to read FY and think to yourself “wait I didn't get this out of the story at all,” that is why lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western"><em>You get back here!</em> Viktor yearns to shout after Yuuri when he disappears back into the hidden wing of the stage.</p><p class="western">But he can't. Viktor's locked in place, forced to sit still and keep his cool and play the role of an impartial judge, despite the fact that his world has just been rocked to the core of his being.</p><p class="western">The 30 seconds Yuuri spent on top of the table, writhing before him in a way not unlike a <em>fucking lap dance</em>, replay over and over in Viktor's head in an endless loop. Viktor can even still hear the lyrics of Yuuri's chosen song playing clearly in his head, taunting him over and over again:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Cause it's about to get rough for you </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">What an absolute fucking understatement that is.</p><p class="western">Viktor can't stop thinking about Yuuri's hooded eyes, the warm and amber brown heavy with seduction, the way the light gleamed on his plush bottom lip, how the bangs of his wig cast a dark and mysterious shadow across his face, the firm yet gentle press of his finger to Viktor's lips...</p><p class="western">(Or the way Viktor had distinctly felt the table quake beneath Yuuri's moving body, threatening to potentially give out at any second and collapse under the unexpected weight of a fully grown adult man.</p><p class="western">It was enough to almost Viktor a heart attack.)</p><p class="western">Where the hell did it all come from?!</p><p class="western">There'd been no warning. No foreshadowing. Only Yuuri suddenly turning his way, and moving towards him with undeniable purpose.</p><p class="western">Shit, Viktor's mouth is drier than the Sahara desert just thinking about. Like Yuuri's heated dance sucked every ounce of moisture out of him, and now he's left with a thirst only Yuuri can satisfy.</p><p class="western">A single glance at the rest of the room tells Viktor all he needs to know: he's not the only one left wanting.</p><p class="western">“All right,” Phichit begins, laughter still skirting around the edge of his voice, “now that we're all parched as hell from that hot performance, let's get on with the second half of the show. If our contestants can hear me, let me just say one thing: <em>please</em> don't climb onto the judges table. I'm pretty sure it's a liability we are not prepared for.”</p><p class="western">The audience collectively laughs.</p><p class="western">Viktor sucks in a deep breath.</p><p class="western">It's not far. Not fair in the goddamn slightest. How is he expected to carry on as normal when Yuuri, with nothing more than a simple shake of his hips, can completely turn Viktor's world upside down?</p><p class="western">“Can you believe that guy did that?” the judge next to him hisses as the next performance begins. The same one who has been whispering in his ear all evening. It's been a constant and annoying recurrence, if Viktor's being honest. “It's beyond unprofessional. Like he was trying to steal the show.”</p><p class="western">The comment has Viktor almost making a face. Almost, because he's quick enough to school his expression and look as neutral as possible, despite the fact he most certainly strongly disagrees.</p><p class="western">“It's nerds dancing to pop music for fun,” Viktor counters flatly. “Everyone loved it and no one got hurt, so I don't see the problem here.”</p><p class="western">Oh, the judge does not like that. As a small blessing, they finally leave Viktor be.</p><p class="western">No longer with any distractions, Viktor does his best to watch the remainder of the show.</p><p class="western">While none of the other performers leave him quite as breathless, it's a blast watching an assortment of differently costumed people command the stage in their own way. It's fun hearing old, familiar songs, and watching them be transformed into something shiny and new in live time. And although he has to sit still and polite in his seat, the urge to move with the music tingles beneath Viktor's skin.</p><p class="western">He especially likes pinpointing stand out details to write down on his sheet of paper for him and the other judges to come up with award certificates for. It's not a form of praise he's accustomed to, given the more serious competitions he's judged, but he has to admit he likes the silly flair of it all.</p><p class="western">By the end, Viktor's fairly certain as to who the “Best In Show” is going to be.</p><p class="western">He doesn't have to wonder if anyone else feels different. When Phichit gets everyone to come back out and stand in a row, he runs down the list of performances for the crowd to react to a second and final time. People <em>scream</em> for Jolyne.</p><p class="western">“Unanimous?” one of the other judges asks the others at the end, leaning across the table to be heard over the near endless noise.</p><p class="western">“I'd say so,” Viktor agrees.</p><p class="western">(If it were any other day, if Yuuri were actually participating, the answer might have been very different. But even Viktor has to admit that this particular performer reached almost the same heights as Yuuri did in sheer enjoyment and enthusiasm, so there's not a drop of disappointment in him that he can't happily award Yuuri with the honour of being the best of the bunch. This person rightfully earned it.)</p><p class="western">After things settle enough for the room to focus on the end of the event, the judges rise from their table and begin going through the stack of signed certificates, reading out awards for things such as “Owner of the Smoothest Moonwalk” to “Most Gravity Defying Cartwheel” and “Exceptionally Enthusiastic Jazz Hands.” The audience laughs and claps in delight as performers accept their certificates.</p><p class="western">The awards are then given out for first, second, and third place, their new owners exploding with happiness when they come forward to accept the certificate and cheque for a small cash prize.</p><p class="western">They're not the only awards that come with an extra gift, however.</p><p class="western">When the clapping has died down and the moment comes, Viktor is handed the microphone to deliver the final award.</p><p class="western">“This one may seem pretty obvious,” he says, unable to help himself but grin over at the performer in question, who is staring back at him with enlarged eyes, “as they have yet to receive an award yet. But we were given quite a spectacular performance by this person, and we're all very proud to reward them for it. The award for 'Best In Show' goes to contestant number 8, Minami Kenjirou.”</p><p class="western">Minami's hands fly up to their mouth as the room explodes with whistles and approval. For a moment they're almost hesitant to step forward to receive their award, but the crowd cheers and urges them on, so it's not long until Minami finds themself again and comes over to receive their prize.</p><p class="western">“Congratulations,” Viktor says to them as he hands off the prize. He winks at them. “Don't spend it all in one place now.”</p><p class="western">Minami nods, one hand still over their mouth. Their eyes glitter brightly with joy and unshed tears. Viktor half expects them to turn to the crowd and show off, but instead Minami waves it in the direction of the wing, eyes focused on someone in there.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances behind him to see who.</p><p class="western"><em>Ah, Yuuri</em>. Viktor smiles at the sight of Yuuri awkwardly waving back, half of it his own form of congratulations, the other half an effort to get Minami to focus on the actual audience behind them. Viktor almost laughs at how cute the display is between the two of them. They must have worked out their missteps out back sometime before Minami went on stage. He's glad for them both.</p><p class="western">Phichit raises an arm in the air. “Everyone, let's give one last round of applause for our contestants!”</p><p class="western">Viktor claps along the rest of the room. He glances one last time behind him as he does, half hoping to catch Yuuri's attention, but when he does, Yuuri is gone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">With nowhere else to be and nothing else to do, Viktor heads back to his suite as soon as he's let out of the main event room. His hours at his table are over the day, and he's admittedly getting pretty tired of the tight body suit clinging to every inch of his form. He could do with a regular ol' t-shirt and jeans right about now, as unglamorous as it sounds.</p><p class="western">If he's lucky, maybe Christophe will be there to keep him company. He should be done his photo shoots by now, unless there's a surprise one planned for later in the evening. It's not uncommon for Christophe to take more “risque” photos, which can sometimes take him away from their room until the later hours of the night. Though Viktor's certain that if such a shoot was planned, Christophe would have mentioned it by now. Outside of showing the actual pictures, he loves teasing Viktor with the sultry details. It's always a stark contrast to Viktor's more boring nights in.</p><p class="western">Viktor tries not to think about where Yuuri is, what he's doing right now, who he's with.</p><p class="western">“Welcome back,” Christophe greets him as Viktor steps into their shared suite. He's sprawled across the couch with his phone in hand, looking nice and relaxed, like he's been hanging around for a while now. “How'd the lip sync go?”</p><p class="western">“I have no words,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“So... bad?”</p><p class="western">“Try 'unbelievable.'”</p><p class="western">“Unbelievably bad?” Christophe tries again.</p><p class="western">Viktor scrubs a hand across his face, and then he decides to rip the band-aid off. “Chris. I'm am doubly fucked this weekend. Yuuri practically seduced me in front of the entire room.”</p><p class="western">“Excuse me?”</p><p class="western">“He got up on my table,” Viktor starts, tugging off his wig and tossing it onto a nearby table, “and he fucking <em>lap danced me</em>, as much as one can lap dance without actually being in my lap. And everyone saw. It's on someone's phone for sure. It's gotta be posted somewhere online by now.”</p><p class="western">“... I see,” Christophe says, biting his lip against a smile.</p><p class="western">Viktor groans into his gloved hand. “Please don't let me on Youtube tonight. Or the con Facebook page. I can't handle seeing it again so soon. I might actually explode.”</p><p class="western">“I'll do my best,” Christophe answers, sounding like he'll be the first to try and search the footage up.</p><p class="western">Viktor wanders into the bedroom, carefully shucking pieces of his cosplay off as he goes.</p><p class="western">“Do you ever think that, maybe, just maybe, you got the wrong impression about Yuuri?” Christophe calls from the sitting room.</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs to himself. Stares down at the mask in his hands.</p><p class="western">“I don't know what to think,” he quietly says to himself.</p><p class="western">He was so sure of everything before they arrived. Yuuri isn't interested in him as anything more than a friend. Yuuri said so himself. Maybe not in those exact words, but he said he doesn't get those kinds of feelings for anyone.</p><p class="western">And yet he also pulled that dance out of his deck and slapped it down onto the table like, <em>“Boom! Make of that what you will!”</em></p><p class="western">What <em>is</em> Viktor supposed to make of it?</p><p class="western">Is he really so hopeless that he's willing to grasp at flimsy straws? A dance like that feels like its intentions would be obvious to anyone with eyes. Or it would be, if it had been done by literally anyone else.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's a whole other language, and Viktor's trapped without a translator app to guide him.</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head at himself, and proceeds to climb into some comfier clothes.</p><p class="western">He's pulling his shirt down over his head when the victory fanfare chimes from his phone. Knowing who it must be, Viktor pulls his phone out of one of the pouches of his Nightwing belt from where he kept it safe all day and goes straight to his DMs.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Where are you right now?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor smiles despite himself. Yuuri innocently wondering where he is? It's cute, if a little painful.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>In my hotel room, getting changed</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Why, what's up?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>A bunch of us are going out for dinner</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wanna come? Chris is invited too if he's free</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There's this Chinese restaurant nearby that we like to go to every year, their selection is great and the people there are really nice. You'd like it!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">This feels... risky, so soon after the lip sync. Viktor's admittedly still buzzing with arousal.</p><p class="western">Except Viktor's stomach chooses that moment to furiously growl, reminding him that a muffin, coffee, and protein bar here and there isn't enough to satisfy him until the next day. He needs a real meal in him.</p><p class="western">Well. Might as well satisfy <em>something</em> when he can.</p><p class="western">“Chris?” Viktor calls out.</p><p class="western">“Yes, my dear?”</p><p class="western">“Are you hungry?”</p><p class="western">“Starving. Why?”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri's inviting us out to dinner. Wanna go?”</p><p class="western">“Oooh,” Christophe draws out, “dinner <em>and</em> a show. I'm in.”</p><p class="western">Viktor groans. “Please don't go there.”</p><p class="western">Christophe appears in the doorway, utterly unbothered. “What? I never said what – or who – the show was. I could be talking about anyone right now.”</p><p class="western">“Smart ass,” Viktor mutters says with a roll of his eyes. He returns to his phone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We're in</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>When are you going?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>In like five minutes. We have reservations for 9:00 so we gotta leave really soon</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Do you need more time?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Shit. Five minutes isn't enough time for a quick shower, or much of anything outside of cleaning his face and reapplying deodorant. Viktor will just have to do what he can to freshen up and pray to the con gods that he doesn't smell like he's been standing in a hot, busy guest alley literally all day.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, that's fine. Meet you in the lobby?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay! See you in a few : )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Lurking over Viktor's shoulder, Christophe leans in and murmurs into his ear, “Do you think if I ask nicely enough, Yuuri will reenact his little dance for me?”</p><p class="western">Officially fed up and at his wits end, Viktor shoots Christophe a large, unimpressed grin and snaps, “I changed my mind. You can stay here by yourself, and I'll go have fun without you.”</p><p class="western">The sudden change in mood takes Christophe by surprise, long enough for Viktor to push past him and head straight to the bathroom before he can get another word in.</p><p class="western">Viktor locks the bathroom door behind him, and dives straight into process of trying to make himself look presentable for the public. If he's going to be a big, gay disaster tonight, he might as well look like an attractive one.</p><p class="western">There's a knock at the door. When Viktor doesn't answer, the handle jiggles.</p><p class="western">Christophe's voice is muffled. “Oh come on, don't be mad with me. I was only teasing. I won't even glance at Yuuri, I swear. I've been waiting for you for almost an hour. Viktor, be reasonable.”</p><p class="western">Viktor answers without missing a beat, “If you're a good boy while I'm away, maybe I'll bring you back a doggie bag full of orange chicken.”</p><p class="western">“What? Viktor, no! I hate that!”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Surprisingly, the lobby isn't anywhere near as busy Viktor expects it to be when they arrive. There's a handful of cosplaying stragglers hanging about, most of them on their phones, possibly waiting for someone, or a cab, but not much else. The clerks behind the desk look very much relieved by this fact.</p><p class="western">Funnily enough, the majority of the lobby being dressed up makes it much easier to spot Yuuri and his friends.</p><p class="western">His usual group is all there, along with Mila, Sara, and a young man that looks suspiciously alike to her. Everyone's dressed down in their civvies, though there's a handful of nerdy merch here and there to mark them as con attendees. Mila has on a dark purple snapback with a gold, upside down crescent moon on the front and small kitten ears on the top, and Sara's wearing her nerdy leather jacket from the first time Viktor met her. Just about everyone has several buttons and enamel pins of a variety of anime characters and quotes attached to the lanyard of their con badges, either small pieces of swag from their first day of con or mementos from previous con experiences.</p><p class="western">Yuuri, to Viktor's relief, looks normal, like he could blend in with a regular crowd. Not that Viktor wouldn't be interested to see what nerdy merchandise Yuuri wants to rep outside of the con scene, because he absolutely would be. It's more that Yuuri with his messy hair, glasses, and casual clothing is a person Viktor recognizes. Soft-spoken, a little on the stubborn side, and criminally adorable. Not a sexual creature hiding beneath a kimono and heavy make-up, who might straddle Viktor without warning and put on another earth-shattering performance for the whole world to helplessly witness.</p><p class="western">It's hard to believe this Yuuri, and the one on the stage, are in fact the same person...</p><p class="western">But with Yuuri looking like this, it'll be that much easier to pretend that's not the case.</p><p class="western">Yuuri brightens when he looks up from his phone and sees them approaching. His face is completely scrubbed of any make-up, looking fresh and clean, even a little red in the cheeks. He must have washed up right before they left.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes meet Viktor's, and to his surprise, they don't flinch away like he expects.</p><p class="western">“Viktor! You're here.”</p><p class="western">His voice sounds so soft right now, not at all gravelly like Viktor's feels after a long day of near non-stop talking. It's the kind of voice he wants to bask in while somewhere cozy and private.</p><p class="western">“As am I,” Christophe purrs at him, hand over his heart. Already breaking his half-hearted promise of not looking at Yuuri, Viktor notes with an internal sigh.</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles and shakes his head. “Yes, you too. I'm glad you could make it.”</p><p class="western">He says it to Christophe – but his eyes are quick to return to Viktor.</p><p class="western">Viktor's stomach flip flops.</p><p class="western">It stuns him that Yuuri is acting so... normal. No, not quite normal. He's more confident than usual. It's a side of Yuuri he's not used to, but is very much liking the sight of. Confidence suits Yuuri well.</p><p class="western">Too bad he has to share Yuuri with everyone else.</p><p class="western">“How hungry are you?” Yuuri asks. “Because we usually order a lot of stuff. You didn't snack before you got down here, did you?”</p><p class="western">“Nah. I'm down for a good, filling meal,” Viktor replies, ignoring his stupid wanting. “So, where is this place? Is it far?”</p><p class="western">“About fifteen to twenty minutes away if traffic is good. I'll lead in my car?”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “Sure, sounds like a plan.”</p><p class="western">“We're going in my car,” he hears the young man next to Sara say out loud, not to anyone in particular from the looks of it.</p><p class="western">Sara stops mid-sentence in her chat with Leo and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Yes, yes, we know. I agreed already, didn't I?”</p><p class="western">Conspiratorially, she cups a hand next to her mouth and leans in to stage-whisper to Viktor, “Michele was born twelve minutes before me, which apparently makes him my knight in shining armour now. The pain of having an overprotective twin.”</p><p class="western">“Sara! I'm just making sure you get there safely. You know the statistics behind male drivers.”</p><p class="western">Sara squints her eyes at Michele like she can't believe her own ears. “<em>You're</em> a male driver.”</p><p class="western">“Besides, where's the fun in being 'safe' all the time?” Mila says with a snicker. “We'll get to the restaurant faster if we Mad Max it there.”</p><p class="western">The look on Michele's is enough to scream “I'm about to have an aneurysm.”</p><p class="western">Silently, Yuuri catches Viktor's eye and mouths the words, <em>“I'm sorry.”</em></p><p class="western">“Well! I'm hungry,” Phichit says very loudly, “and we have exactly twenty minutes to get there, so we should really be moving along now. No more teasing Michele until we're all sitting down with plates full of food, all right?”</p><p class="western">“Yeeessss, food.” Guang Hong beams. His head rests snugly on Leo's shoulder. “I've been dying for it all day.”</p><p class="western">Michele puffs out his chest. “All right, everyone. Let's mosey,” he says, which has Sara groaning to herself.</p><p class="western">“Oh, are you a Final Fantasy fan?” Viktor asks, perking at the obscure reference. It's not as common to hear that particular line these days, at least outside of dedicated fans.</p><p class="western">Michele gives him a strange look. “What?” He turns to his sister. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Is it something I said?”</p><p class="western">Sara shakes her head and grabs her brother by the arm, tugging him along after her.</p><p class="western">Yuuri catches Viktor's eye a second time and lifts his shoulders in a small shrug. “Dilly dally, shilly shally,” he quotes with an amused look on his face.</p><p class="western">Viktor bites his lip against a smile. At least someone else here gets the joke.</p><p class="western">Phichit leads the way through the hotel to the indoor underground hotel parking lot, the whole lot of them loudly chatting as they head down the stairs, their voices echoing off the long and wide concrete walls.</p><p class="western">“You'll love this place,” Yuuri assures Viktor, glancing back over his shoulder to smile up at him. “We go every time we're here for a reason. We discovered it by accident one year and have been going back ever since.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles back, heart tripping over itself. “I'm looking forward to it. Will there be enough room with the reservations, though? Chris and I are kind of last minute. I'd hate to give the owners a hard time.”</p><p class="western">“Actually...” Yuuri glances away, suddenly bashful. “I planned for your seats back when we called them. I didn't have a chance to ask you about it until tonight, so I was kinda hoping you would be free to tag along the whole time.”</p><p class="western">Viktor feels himself warming at the confession.</p><p class="western">Oh. Oh, whatever is he going to do with this precious person?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The Chinese restaurant, as Viktor comes to find out, is a comfortable, mid-sized place near a convenience store and a few other small businesses. The area is mostly empty when they find parking spots and start heading down, which makes the noise the group emits into the night air seem all the more loud and obvious.</p><p class="western">Christophe blends in with the group beautifully, talking to everyone like they're old friends, no time or distance lost between them.</p><p class="western">Viktor feels... a little out of place. He listens and lets the activity flow around him without input or interruption. Because as nice as everyone is, they're not much better than strangers, and Viktor's not entirely sure what to do or say without following someone else's lead.</p><p class="western">It was like this last night, too. In Yuuri's hotel suite, with everyone hanging around the living room. Viktor silently existing while everyone else enjoys each others company.</p><p class="western">Even Yuuri's chatting with Mila like it's something natural, something easy. He smiles at something she says, replies back without misstep or hesitance.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances away. It's hard not to feel a little jealous.</p><p class="western">They step inside the restaurant and are greeted with war, yellow light. The interior is made up of welcoming reds, brown, and gold, which feels cozy and inviting, the perfect place to settle down and fill their bellies with good food. Even the noise level is relatively low as there aren't too many other patrons there, which makes it feel more like they're stepping into a private room than a public business.</p><p class="western">A server at the front smiles up at them and asks, “Name please?” After Phichit confirms their table, the server grabs the appropriate amount of menus and leads the group over to one of the large circular tables near the back of the building, away from the other patrons. They leave just as quickly as they came, though not before telling them that they'll be right back to get their drink orders.</p><p class="western">Viktor's not really sure where to sit.</p><p class="western">Almost everyone else claims a spot in the blink of an eye, likely choosing to sit next to someone they like being near. Viktor feels too awkward to make a decision, especially if the one he makes accidentally gets in the way of anyone else's wants. He doesn't want to cling to Christophe like he did the last time he went out to dinner with people, but he doesn't want to do the same to Yuuri either when everyone else here are also friends with him. Both of them deserve the chance to socialize without Viktor getting in the way.</p><p class="western">Before he has a second to wonder any longer where would be most appropriate to sit, the sound of someone clearing their throat grabs his attention. He realizes Yuuri's looking expectantly up at him, hands toying with themselves around his stomach area. Is he nervous? Whatever for, though?</p><p class="western">Yuuri asks, “Do you... wanna sit by me?”</p><p class="western">“Sure?” Viktor answers. He hates that it sounds like a question, but he doesn't want to sound too enthusiastic either. But then he glances about the table and doesn't see two empty spots next to each other. “Uh, where though?”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, ooh, come sit over here!” Phichit says, standing up to free his chair. “I'll go next to Chris, you two come over here. I even made this seat all nice and warm for you, buddy.”</p><p class="western">“Groooosssss,” Yuuri says around a laugh.</p><p class="western">Phichit moving over opens up two seats next to each other, which Yuuri leads Viktor over to. Viktor gets settled, Yuuri on one side, Phichit on the other. The chairs are spaced evenly from each other and have more than enough elbow room, but he's still distinctly aware of Yuuri next to him, as he lifts a hand and messes with his hair.</p><p class="western">“We doing this like last time?” Leo asks from the other side of the table.</p><p class="western">“What's last time?” Christophe asks.</p><p class="western">“Basically family style,” Phichit explains. “We all go in on on bill and order one or two things each. Then we all share. That we way we can get a bunch of different stuff, and if you don't like something you're not out a meal.”</p><p class="western">Christophe rubs his hands together. “I like this plan. A real feast.”</p><p class="western">Phichit nods at Viktor. “You in?”</p><p class="western">“Sure,” Viktor agrees. “Sounds good to me.” Who doesn't want access to plenty of food for only a fraction of the cost?</p><p class="western">(Not that most of them are actually paying, given the con is accommodating for all of their food needs. But he's sure the con won't complain about dealing with a single bill rather than a handful.)</p><p class="western">“Great!” Phichit looks up in time to see their server returning to them with two pitchers of water in hand and a mini notebook. “But first, it's drinking time.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">A half hour passes, and the table is nothing but obnoxious yet good-spirited laughter. Half the group has had a drink or two in them, and their eyes and cheeks are glowing with the buzz of high spirits. Their food arrived not long ago, and their plates are still full with first helpings. Forks and spoons clink as everyone begins to dine happily on a little of everything, with enough extra white rice on the side to practically drown in.</p><p class="western">Things are good, Viktor thinks. He's quiet again, but he likes listening to everyone else's stories, hearing about all the things he didn't get to see that day. Mila and Sara's phones are passed around to show off different costumes the duo saw, which is a nice added bonus.</p><p class="western">(“There was a Beezlemon?!” Guang Hong gasps. Leo leans in close to him to see the photo.</p><p class="western">Mila replies, “Yeah! He had a kid with him, too. In the next picture, they're dressed as Impmon to match. Look at how badass they look!”</p><p class="western">“I can't believe I missed thiiiiiis.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles as he watches the three of them nerding out over an old, cherished fandom. He wishes he had some on his phone to show off, but sadly the ones he took are on other people's tech.</p><p class="western">Oh well. At least he's not the only one there in such a position. It makes him feel a little less pathetic.)</p><p class="western">And then conversation naturally took a turn towards the more exciting parts of the day, and, well...</p><p class="western">“I don't know!” Yuuri says, hands up in self defence. His face is a bright tomato red, but not from any alcohol. He's been trying to defend himself for almost ten minutes now, but no one is having it. Yuuri's eyes dart all across the table, roaming over everyone – everyone except Viktor, that is. “I don't know where any of that came from. I just did it, okay?”</p><p class="western">“Were you secretly drunk the whole time?” Phichit says, a little too loud for indoors. “Because that was drunk Yuuri that I saw. Drunk Yuuri strips and shakes his ass like he needs rent money in five hours and the patrons aren't paying up fast enough.”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks. Drunk Yuuri does <em>what</em> now?</p><p class="western">Didn't... didn't Yuuri mention a while back that he normally only gets super drunk at conventions or on other special occasions, and for a good reason?</p><p class="western">Viktor sips his water, doing his best to keep a straight, neutral face as he tries not to put a mental image to that particular realization.</p><p class="western">“Did I look drunk to you?” Yuuri hisses at his friend.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yes</em>, you did,” Phichit shoots back. “Didn't you hear me? Do I need to get my camera out and show everyone? Because I have digital proof of everything, and first hand eye witness accounts of at least a couple hundred people. We also have the guy you practically climbed onto <em>right here.</em>”</p><p class="western">Viktor wants to squirm in his seat. Can they not bring him into this? It's bad enough Yuuri and Phichit are going at it with him seated in between them.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's mouth opens and closes several times. “Y-Yeah. Well. Your camera's at the hotel, so good luck with that.”</p><p class="western">“It's not needed anyway,” Leo says with a laugh into his drink. “We were all there.”</p><p class="western">“Not everyone,” Christophe says, frowning. “Why was I the only one not there to witness this glorious display of sensuality? No one told me Yuuri was going to whip it out for everyone to see. You need a proper warning for something like that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri buries his face into his hands and lets out a long, muffled noise.</p><p class="western"><em>Same</em>, Viktor thinks to himself. He wishes the table would move on, for their sake more than anything. If anything has become obvious over the course of conversation, it's that Yuuri regrets what he did and has no idea himself why he went through with such an impulse.</p><p class="western">Viktor's beginning to feel as embarrassed as Yuuri clearly does. Where's the sense in theorizing when no sense exists to begin with?</p><p class="western">“Okay, okay,” Sara says, wheezing, “but I gotta know. Yuuri, did you get your tail back? Because you were bitching pretty hard about that thing in the group chat back in February. My jaw was on the floor when you whipped that thing off the stage like it was nothing.”</p><p class="western">Reluctantly, Yuuri lifts his face from his hands. “Uh. Yeah, I did. A really nice Zarya cosplayer found me afterwards and gave it back.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, good. I was worried there for a second. I'd hate for you to have to remake that thing. That one was, like, your third attempt.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a noise. “I'm never doing that again. No more giant tails for me.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, speaking of cosplay mishaps,” Mila says around a bite of curry chicken, “I'm sorry we still didn't get a chance to finish our Kagome and Sango so we could cosplay with you. We kept coming back to it, but our other stuff took way longer to finish than planned. Miaka and Yui alone took an extra three weeks to complete.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's fork pauses on his way to his mouth. Wait, did he hear those names right?</p><p class="western">“That sucks,” Leo says, “but totally understandable. Our stuff took way longer than expected, too. We can always wear our Inu Yasha stuff again at the next con if you want. Think you'll be done by then?”</p><p class="western">Sara sighs. “I hope so. We've had them planned for months, they're relatively simple costumes, and yet they're half-done in my closet right now and it's driving me mad. The face mask for Sango by itself makes me want to throw the whole thing out the window. How pathetic is that? It's a tiny little thing and yet I can't get it to look right.”</p><p class="western">“I can always help you,” Michele offers, but Sara waves a hand.</p><p class="western">“No, no. I'm learning this on my own.”</p><p class="western">There's a small lull in conversation as people continue to eat their hot food, so when it looks like nothing else is going to be said on the last topic, Viktor decides to ask the question simmering on his tongue.</p><p class="western">“Did I hear you right when you said you made Miaka and Yui cosplays?”</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm. We made the priestess versions for tomorrow,” Mila answers. Then her eyes brighten with understanding. “Wait, are you a fan of Fushigi Yuugi?”</p><p class="western">“A huge fan when I was a teen,” Viktor admits. “It was a big guilty pleasure of mine.”</p><p class="western">“<em>You're</em> a fan of that?” Michele blurts out loud with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Everyone pointedly ignores him.</p><p class="western">“Viktor actually cosplayed Nuriko years ago,” Yuuri says. He's smiling, his expression soft with fondness and nostalgia.</p><p class="western">“Yeah, a really long time ago. He used to be a favourite of mine,” Viktor says. Then, with a small laugh, “Please don't look it up. It's awful by current standards. Wigs back then were... yeesh. Not great. And then there's the cheap party fabric. Everything is way too shiny. You'll go blind if you Google it.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, well now I <em>have</em> to see it now,” Mila teases, but she leaves her phone untouched next to her plate.</p><p class="western">“Ah, Nuriko,” Sara says with a shake of her head. “I love him. But, honestly, he's up there on my list of top ten anime betrayals.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's smile falters. He senses something, but he can't put his finger on what exactly the complain is. He suspects he should just shrug it off and push the conversation elsewhere, but not knowing where else to take it, he's left with a small sounding, “How come?”</p><p class="western">Sara takes a sip of her water before answering. “Just how the story handles him. It's great that he crossdresses and is in love with another man, and that the story more or less takes it seriously, but then halfway it suddenly decides he's a 'regular' man and he's in love with Miaka instead? I wanted to fling my volume at the wall when I got to that plot twist.”</p><p class="western">“And then he dies,” Mila sighs.</p><p class="western">“And then he dies,” Sara repeats, tone darkening.</p><p class="western">“... Well,” Viktor hesitates. And then stops when he realizes he doesn't know what he wants to say.</p><p class="western">No, that's not true. He does know. He just doesn't know if he <em>should</em> say it.</p><p class="western">Although it's been many, many years, Viktor still feels a lot of old love for Nuriko, a lot of old feelings in general. Watching Nuriko proudly be so feminine and masculine on screen just did things to a much younger Viktor's heart. Made him feel like endless possibilities were out there.</p><p class="western">The world quickly shattered that dream – but for a short moment, he had one.</p><p class="western">“I love him a lot,” Sara continues. “For a while there I even thought, 'oh, maybe Nuriko is trans, what if he's really a woman but he doesn't have the words for it?' But then the story had to go and throw all of that away to make him seem more 'normal' before killing him off. It makes my blood boil.”</p><p class="western">“Wait, doesn't he ditch the crossdressing thing early?” Guang Hong says, brow furrowed. “I don't remember him pretending to be a woman for every long.”</p><p class="western">“Technically,” Sara says, “but he's still drawn in an androgynous way, and he has a strong feminine side to him.” She sighs. “It's complicated. I know the story wants us to believe he was only doing it all in memory of his sister, but it's thrown in so late that it feels like a slap in the face. I'm not sure the story knew what to do with him.”</p><p class="western">Staring down at his plate, Viktor pokes around at some beef and broccoli as his heart jackhammers in his chest. Calm down, <em>calm down.</em> They're only complaining about a story. It's nothing personal.</p><p class="western">So why is his heart beating so damn hard? Why does he suddenly feel so tight and uncomfortable in his own skin?</p><p class="western">He hates that he's asking himself that when, if he was truly being honest with himself, he'd know the answer in an instant.</p><p class="western">“You look like you wanna say something,” he hears Yuuri say.</p><p class="western">When he looks up, he realizes that Yuuri is talking to him. Looking <em>at </em>him.</p><p class="western">And so is everyone else.</p><p class="western">Just like that, Viktor is put on the spot.</p><p class="western">“Um...”</p><p class="western">They continue to observe him, but it doesn't quite feel the way Viktor expects it to. It's not like when a much younger him used to be cornered and interrogated on his thoughts and feelings, all for the purpose of it being thrown onto an examining table and dissected into bits and pieces that could be twisted and used against him. These people aren't his old friends – or his ex - who were only interested in being right all the time. They're not going to force something out of him and then spit at it when it goes against their word.</p><p class="western">...Would they?</p><p class="western">Their staring doesn't make Viktor any less uneasy. He also doesn't know most of them very well, so who knows how they'll react to his disagreeing. It's a gamble to open his mouth and be honest.</p><p class="western">He catches Yuuri's eye, and finds himself wishing he could just ask Yuuri if it's safe to differ, if they won't shut him out for the remainder of the night for going against them. He's terrible at making friends, and he doesn't want to fuck this all up before he's had a chance to properly get to know anyone.</p><p class="western">It's not a thing he can ask out loud, though. Not without embarrassing himself. What kind of adult needs to ask, <em>“is it okay if we agree to disagree?”</em></p><p class="western">“You think differently?” he hears Sara prompting. Her chin is balanced on her hand, and though she's eyeing Viktor attentively, though there doesn't appear to be any scrutiny to it at all.</p><p class="western">So Viktor considers this: if she was already on the defensive, ready to argue his feelings with him, then... wouldn't she already act like it? Wouldn't she be tense? Her tone sharp? If he were her, out and proudly trans the way she is, talking about trans headcanons... he wouldn't want to hear anything different. It's far too personal. There's too much risk for hurt.</p><p class="western">(He thinks, as he's actively trying to avoid being hurt right now.)</p><p class="western">Except nothing about Sara looks ready for a fight. She looks like she wants understanding. A healthy conversation to bridge two different view points.</p><p class="western">So... that has to count for something?</p><p class="western">Viktor sucks in a deep breath through his nose. Fine. He'll take the plunge. And if he messes it all up, then the door is only on the other side of the room.</p><p class="western">“It's not that I think you're wrong,” he says, “because I totally see where you're coming from. Nuriko even says himself that he's a man with the heart of a woman. It doesn't sound like something a regular man would say. The story tries to rewrite that, but that part always felt genuine to me. No matter what his gender actually is, there's undeniably a feminine side to him, even after he tells Miaka the reason why he did what he did.”</p><p class="western">Sara nods. “But?”</p><p class="western">“But... I'm not sure I'd read him as a trans woman. I think I would if it weren't for the second half of the story, but I can't ignore the new information either. He cut his long hair and opened up to Miaka for a reason.”</p><p class="western">Sara tilts her head. “So what do you think Nuriko is actually like?”</p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lips, pausing briefly to consider his words. It's another plunge. But he takes it at the end of an exhale. “I think he's genderfluid.”</p><p class="western">That has Sara sitting up a little straighter, like she's heard something she wasn't expecting to hear at all. She looks at Viktor like she's seeing someone else entirely. “Really?”</p><p class="western">Encouraged by the lack of disapproval, Viktor continues. “This is more my reading than, I think, the actual text, but I like to think that Nuriko doesn't let go of his feminine side when he comes to accept his masculinity. I think he accepts that there's two halves of himself, and he becomes more open to exploring the side of himself that he neglected in favour of his sister for so long. So it's not him rejecting himself as a woman, it's him living as himself with traits of both.”</p><p class="western">“Oooohhhh,” Mila croons. “I like that. I like that <em>way</em> more than what the story gave us. Can this be our canon now?”</p><p class="western">Sara smirks at her girlfriend before responding. “I think I like that more, too. Maybe you could even say that Nuriko figuring out he likes Miaka isn't him forgetting or denying that he likes Hotohori, either.”</p><p class="western">Unsure how else to react, Viktor holds up his hands and says, “We stan a bisexual, genderfluid icon?”</p><p class="western">Sara laughs – with him, not at. The cheerful sound lets the air held in Viktor's lung finally release. “That is the best answer possible. Thanks, Viktor. You just single handedly rescued this character for me. Well, maybe not the death part, but everything else has been salvaged.”</p><p class="western">“Aw man, you know who's another good genderfluid character?” Leo says, changing the subject somewhat. “Ranma. We don't talk enough about Ranma.”</p><p class="western">“We were watching Ranma 1/2 last week,” Guang Hong teases.</p><p class="western">“Yeah, because it's so good!” his boyfriend laughs back.</p><p class="western">Christophe shakes his head. “Oh, my God. I haven't thought about Ranma in forever. That's such an old anime.”</p><p class="western">“Hey,” says Guang Hong, “do you guys remember that one episode where...”</p><p class="western">The rest of it slowly fades out of focus for Viktor as he feels himself gradually withdrawing inside his shell.</p><p class="western">Everything went well, better than expected, and yet his heart is still hammering away, and his nerves feel fried.</p><p class="western">He pokes around at his food a little more, enough to look like he's doing something. And then, when he thinks everyone else is too distracted by energetic conversation to notice, he pushes his chair up, and he heads for the exit.</p><p class="western">The night is mild when he steps out for fresh air, with hardly a breeze to be found. It's dark except for the streetlights glowing down onto the pavement and for the odd business that's still open at this time o of night.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks up at the stars and wonders how long he can get away with being out here by himself before he has to go back in and pay for his half of the meal.</p><p class="western">Apparently not long, because the sound of the entrance opening immediately catches his attention. Viktor braces himself for an unwanted encounter, thinking it's probably Christophe chasing him down, or maybe just a different set of patrons leaving the establishment. He doesn't know which to hope for.</p><p class="western">Breath held, he looks.</p><p class="western">To his relief, it's only Yuuri in the doorway.</p><p class="western">(As if there's anything “only” about him.)</p><p class="western">Viktor nods at him. “Hey.”</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Yuuri replies back as he steps out of the building. “Is everything okay? You got kinda quiet and left out of nowhere.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, yeah,” Viktor lies. He kicks at a small pebble by his shoe. “Just... needed some space.”</p><p class="western">“Oh. Should I leave?”</p><p class="western">Viktor purses his lips. Then, “No. No, you can stay if you want.”</p><p class="western">“Okay.” Yuuri picks a spot against the wall next to Viktor, and they stand there in silence for a long moment.</p><p class="western">A car drives down the street, the light from their headlights flashing across them as it passes, and then leaves them back in relative darkness.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a face. “What for?”</p><p class="western">“For being silly.”</p><p class="western">“Needing space isn't silly.”</p><p class="western">“Feels like it,” Viktor mumbles.</p><p class="western">“...Can I ask what happened?”</p><p class="western"><em>I wish you wouldn't,</em> Viktor wants to say, but he could never, not to Yuuri. What is he supposed to say? <em>“My personal feelings got too wrapped up in my interpretation of a fictional character, and now I feel stupid that I got so worked up over the thought of people disagreeing with me because I'm too used to conversations like this going wrong.”</em></p><p class="western">If it sounds bad in his head, then he can only imagine how bad it will sound out loud.</p><p class="western">“Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“Your friends seem nice,” Viktor says instead.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks up at him, surprised, but instead of questioning the peculiar statement, he smiles up at him and says, “They can be your friends, too. They like you a lot.”</p><p class="western">“Enough not to freak out at me for disagreeing with them,” Viktor says, intending to sound sarcastic, but it comes out flat and tired instead.</p><p class="western">“What does that mean? Why would they do that?”</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs. “I dunno. Ignore me.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri eyes travel all over Viktor's face, searching for something. Viktor finds himself unable to look away, despite how much his mind screams for him to. Whatever Yuuri's looking for, Viktor's not sure he wants him to find it.</p><p class="western">“You don't have to tell me what's wrong,” Yuuri says. “I'm not here to interrogate you. But I promise you that no one in there wants to start shit with you.”</p><p class="western">“... I believe you,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“Is this about Sara? I know she can be a little intense with her opinions, but she doesn't intend anything mean by it. She just knows what she thinks and isn't afraid to be honest about it.”</p><p class="western">The corner of Viktor's lip lifts. “Honestly, that's pretty admirable.”</p><p class="western">“It is. Except for when she and Michele get into it.” Yuuri laughs. “Then it's a little scary.”</p><p class="western">“I wish I could be more like that...”</p><p class="western">“Aren't you, though?”</p><p class="western">It's Viktor's turn to laugh. “No. Not really. Yuuri, I came out here <em>because</em> I panicked over it. I thought... I thought if I disagreed with everyone, then your friends would hate me for creating tension over nothing.”</p><p class="western">“You weren't disagreeing with everyone, though. Just Sara. And she certainly doesn't hate you.”</p><p class="western">“I know.” Viktor winces. “I <em>know</em>... but it's not what my head tells me. It's not what I'm used to.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's expression turns confused, and his brow furrows like he's trying to figure out a rubik's cube that refuses to let him have even one solid side of easily understandable colour. Instead, everything is all mixed together, and nothing moves the way he expects it to.</p><p class="western">Guilt washes over Viktor at the thought of troubling someone who has enough worries of his own. Yuuri had a hard enough day. The last thing he needs is Viktor's own anxiety carrying over onto him.</p><p class="western">“What do you mean, it's not what you're used to?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“I shouldn't...”</p><p class="western">“You can, if you want to,” Yuuri offers. “I won't push you, but if something's bothering you, then I want to help, like you helped me earlier. It's only fair, right? It's what friends do.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor starts, then stops.</p><p class="western">He hates to admit it, but Yuuri does have a point. Friendship is a healthy flow of give and take, and although Viktor isn't so good at the latter most days, it is something he needs to get better at. It's not fair to either of them for Viktor to give and give but never allow Yuuri the opportunity to reciprocate.</p><p class="western">Besides, if he says nothing, he might only end up worrying Yuuri more. Knowing now that Yuuri struggles with an anxious mind, the last thing Viktor wants to do is give Yuuri's brain ammunition to create worse scenarios than the reality.</p><p class="western">He took one plunge tonight, and despite his nerves shouting otherwise, it turned out okay. Surely he can take another one.</p><p class="western">It's Yuuri. If he can't trust Yuuri, then who can he trust?</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows thickly.</p><p class="western">“So... you know how I'm not so good at making friends?”</p><p class="western">“You've mentioned.”</p><p class="western">“I did have a group of friends, many years ago. I met them near the end of high school, and we got really close, really fast. We spent almost everyday together. We had sleepovers, went out to movies, dinner, did our homework together. We cosplayed in groups and went to every con we could afford and get to. It's actually kind of funny to think about now, how attached to the hip we all were.”</p><p class="western">“... Okay,” Yuuri says, hesitantly.</p><p class="western">“About two years later, I met my ex. And they didn't like him at all. He didn't like them, either. They hated each other so much they could barely tolerate each other.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's voice is small and sympathetic. “That sounds terrible.”</p><p class="western">“It was. I felt like rope in a game of tug-of-war, constantly being yanked back and forth. I tried to make both sides happy, but all I did was make them angrier, and myself miserable in the process. I couldn't do anything right by anyone.” Viktor brushes a hand through his bangs, moving it out of his eye. “And then, because my ex demanded so much of my time, my friends began leaving me behind. He said that they were saying things about me, intentionally icing me out. I didn't want to believe him, but then one by one my friends would stop messaging me back. They wouldn't say hi back in the hallways at University, or sit near me in shared classes. I'd see them post pictures on Facebook of them hanging out, doing all the things I used to do with them, carrying on like...”</p><p class="western">Viktor has to stop. He looks up at the sky, lips pursed tightly shut as a wave of old emotions overwhelms him. Why does it still hurt so many years later? Why does it only feel like yesterday?</p><p class="western">With a deep breath, he says the part that hurts the most. “I'd never had a group of friends like them before, or a boyfriend that I thought loved me. I didn't know what I was doing. All I knew was that I was fucking everything up.”</p><p class="western">“It doesn't sound like you were the one fucking up,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“I did, though. I believed my ex, and decided fine, if they don't want me anymore, then I'll move on without them. I nuked them on all of my social media accounts and stopped trying. But less than a year after that, not even a few months, my ex started to lose interest in me too... No matter what I did, nothing was good enough for him anymore either. I had no one but him, and I was terrified of failing this too.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Yuuri says, voice soft with feeling.</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “You wanna know something really stupid? It was such a huge red flag, I can't believe I missed it, but my ex used to tell me about all these people he dated, and how they never wanted to be friends afterwards. How his relationships didn't last because the other person didn't take it as seriously as he did, or so he said. I told him, 'I take this seriously,' and I promised I would never leave him. I wanted us to last. He was my first everything, how could I not want us to work out? Even in the dying moments of our relationship, when we couldn't do anything but argue every day over everything, I was still trying to prove to him that I was worth it, that <em>we</em> could be worth it.”</p><p class="western">His eyes burn.</p><p class="western">“But it wasn't to him. I fucked it all up for someone who couldn't care less. And when it was over, I had no one – ”</p><p class="western">The last word is barely out before he feels a body slam into him. Viktor lets out a startled noise as Yuuri winds his arms around him and holds onto him tightly. His body tingles where it meets Yuuri's, like his touch alone makes Viktor come to life.</p><p class="western">Except it also hurts. It hurts to think how little he's been touched this gently, this lovingly, in so long. If he was ever really touched like this at all.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Viktor's arms go around Yuuri's frame, completing the embrace.</p><p class="western">“I'm so sorry,” he hears – <em>feels</em> – Yuuri say into his shoulder.</p><p class="western">“It's... it's okay. It's fine. It's old history.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. He lifts his face up to say, “But it hurts you even now. It's why you panicked in there. Why you spend so much time alone.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, it's okay, really. It was my fault, I was a stupid kid...”</p><p class="western">“No! No, it's not. Don't you dare say it is. The hell kind of friends see you struggling with a possessive, asshole boyfriend and turn their nose up at you because you can't play a game that's rigged against you?”</p><p class="western">“That's not even the worst part,” Viktor says before he can catch himself.</p><p class="western">Yuuri frowns. “It gets worse?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. A week after he broke up with me, he got together with one of my ex best friends.”</p><p class="western">“What?!” Yuuri blurts out. “How? <em>What the fuck?!</em>”</p><p class="western">It's funny to hear Yuuri swear so loudly, but Viktor somehow manages not to laugh. He simply shrugs and says, “Yeah. I don't have an answer for that one. My guess is he might have been chatting with them behind my back when things with us went sour. I don't know what he told them, but I guess it was enough to make them alter history enough in their head to decide I was the bad guy after all.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's expression can only be described as an outright scowl, his eyes are narrow and his lips pout almost petulantly. “Glitterbomb.”</p><p class="western">“What?”</p><p class="western">“I'm going to glitterbomb every single one of them, in your honour.”</p><p class="western">That startles a real laugh out of Viktor, only because the mental image of several assholes having colourful, sparkly glitter exploding in their face tickles him in a way he can't deny is pleasurable. “Yuuri, no! We've been over this. No glitterbombing.”</p><p class="western">“Someone has to do it.”</p><p class="western">“Someone <em>doesn't</em> have to do it,” Viktor retorts.</p><p class="western">“Someone could,” Yuuri presses.</p><p class="western">“I'd rather you stay here,” Viktor says, quietly, smiling down at the furious boy in his arms. “Don't worry about them. They're long gone.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri presses his cheek against Viktor's shoulder. “But their actions still hurt you.”</p><p class="western">Viktor sighs inwardly. “Yeah. That's a me-problem. I gotta go back to therapy sometime, I think.”</p><p class="western">“It's not a bad idea.” Yuuri lifts his head again. “Viktor, are they the reason why you disappeared?”</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow lifts. “Huh?”</p><p class="western">“For a few years, you didn't post any cosplay stuff. No updates, no WIPs, nothing. You suddenly disappeared off the internet. I remember checking your Facebook cosplay page and your DeviantArt account, just in case I wasn't getting updates, but there was never anything new. But then you came back a while later. I always wondered why you suddenly stopped. I was worried you got bored of the hobby.”</p><p class="western">“I should've guessed you noticed that,” Viktor says. “Yeah, they're why I took a long break. I didn't have the motivation to do much of anything for a solid year. Everything became too stressful. Cosplaying reminded me too much of what I lost. But then again, so did everything else, too. I ended up dropping out of University and moving far away to get away from it all. But I'm sure you know all about that, too. Interviewers love pointing out what a surprise success story I am, despite my half finished theatre degree.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Yuuri says again.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles down at him as reassuringly as he can. “You don't have to keep saying that. None of this is your fault. And besides, I came back, didn't I?”</p><p class="western">“With a vengeance,” Yuuri says, awe in his voice. “I remember it perfectly. Out of nowhere, you dropped an entire photoshoot of your Yojimbo cosplay. You looked so professional, like you stepped right out of the game. You <em>and</em> Makka.”</p><p class="western">“I got her after I left home,” Viktor says, smiling fondly at the memory of his beloved poodle coming home with him to his then small apartment he shared with Chris. “I was obsessed with the Final Fantasy X remaster, so I thought, fuck it, I'm going to make the most complicated thing I've ever built in my life, and I'm going to share it. I was nervous to come back, especially because I thought maybe my ex and old friends might see, but I thought it'd be fun and less scary if Makka dressed up with me. What better way to announce I have a perfect dog than dressing up with her?” He chuckles at the memory. “Too bad she ended up tearing the thing apart after the photoshoot. We only ever did the one shoot together because of that.”</p><p class="western">“It's like you leveled up by 50,” Yuuri says, grinning up at him. “You were amazing before, but holy shit, the come back. And everything you made after that only kept becoming bigger and better.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno about being amazing before.”</p><p class="western">“You were. You <em>are.</em> Don't argue with me on this.”</p><p class="western">“Okay, okay,” Viktor concedes. His hands itch on Yuuri's body, not sure what to do, where to go, if their lingering too long on his waist is inappropriate or not. Yuuri doesn't look bothered, so he leaves them be. “I'm sorry for dumping all of that on you. That was a lot.”</p><p class="western">“It's not dumping. It's venting. And I'm fine. I'm just angry you were mistreated like that.”</p><p class="western">“It's fi – ”</p><p class="western">“It's not fine. It's horrible,” Yuuri interrupts.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Viktor yields again. He knows when not to argue, especially with someone as insistent as Yuuri can be.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, evidently satisfied that Viktor's accepted his stance, and then he closes his eyes and rests his cheek back on Viktor's shoulder, arms squeezing tightly around him.</p><p class="western">Helpless to do anything else, Viktor lowers his chin atop Yuuri's head, and squeezes back.</p><p class="western">They fall into easy silence.</p><p class="western">Viktor's mind replays everything he said, every admittance, and a voice tells him he should have kept his mouth shut, that his old friends and an ex partner would be hurt to know that he bad mouthed them to someone who doesn't have access to both sides of the story. Why would he want to hurt them back like this, after everything? The same voice wonders if he's tricked Yuuri into thinking he's a helpless victim, as well. That he's never done anything wrong, when there's so much he would take back and redo if he could.</p><p class="western">After all, it wasn't only his ex that said and did harsh things. Sometimes his words came out of Viktor, when it was needed.</p><p class="western">(And then karma threw it all back in his face when he told the wrong person his deepest feelings, in his last ditch effort to connect with the one person he thought he had, and only ended up losing them.)</p><p class="western">Maybe, after all this time, maybe he still is that two-faced teenager.</p><p class="western">...Yet Viktor also knows that the voice in his head often belongs to someone else, someone who never treasure him, not by the end of things, certainly not even from the start, and that maybe, just maybe, he should be listening to Yuuri instead.</p><p class="western">“I'm glad you had Makka with you when things were hard,” he hears Yuuri whisper against him.</p><p class="western">“Me, too,” Viktor says. “I was lucky back then to get her when I did. But I'm lucky now in another way, too.”</p><p class="western">“How so?”</p><p class="western">“Because I have you, too,” Viktor quietly admits.</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks up, eyes wide behind his glasses. His eyes glitter with an emotion Viktor's scared to perceive, and he's terribly, <em>terribly</em> aware of how close Yuuri's face is to his. He can feel Yuuri breath against him, smell the product in his hair, count the tiny threads of black where Yuuri's face ends and his hair begins.</p><p class="western">In a long yet incredibly short moment, Viktor is tempted, <em>so</em> tempted, to just lean in...</p><p class="western">Yuuri thankfully takes the decision away from him when he turns his head away, reminding Viktor that this isn't his, <em>Yuuri</em> isn't it, and he likely never will be.</p><p class="western">But it's also becoming plain to see that these feelings just won't go away, either.</p><p class="western">It's then that, with a long exhale, Viktor comes to a horrible realization:</p><p class="western">Someone as loving, as understanding, as amazing as Yuuri is doesn't deserve to have secrets kept from him.</p><p class="western">Maybe he can't tell Yuuri everything. Viktor refuses to repeat that mistake ever again. But there is at least one secret he ought to know.</p><p class="western">The only question is: when?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>lmao this was one of the hardest chapters to write yet. But it was also incredibly cathartic.</p><p>To anyone who skipped the abuse section: Viktor had a group of friends and an ex who all hated each other, and they regularly played mind games with him in an effort to hurt the other side/make Viktor choose them over the other. Eventually the ex won out and Viktor's friends bailed on him. And then Viktor's ex broke up with him after he confessed his gender identity in a last ditch effort to close the growing distance between them, leaving Viktor with no one. From the stress of it all, he drops out of University and moves far away from home in an effort to escape his feelings.</p><p>Also, to anyone wondering: yes, this actually happened IRL. Only it was much, much worse, and certain details have been changed to fit the story/be less personal. I left out a lot of other triggery stuff because I'm not ready to write that level of traumatic stuff just yet lmao</p><p>Edit:</p><p>I forgot to post/update these, but here are two explanations behind Viktor's Nuriko and Yojimbo cosplays, as well as a funny addendum to Yuri cosplaying Jolyne that is funnily relevant to the AU.</p><p>https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1327462384164884481</p><p>https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1327458465581834246</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. here's an idea...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>/casually inserts Vine and Tiktok jokes because hahahaaaa I accidentally made this fic take place inbetween Vine being dead and Tiktok emerging...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“Guuuuuys, I miss Viiiiiine,” Phichit whines pitifully at his phone.</p><p class="western">He's been recording their random conversations since the drive back from the restaurant, though Yuuri's not sure even half of it is listenable given the amount of laughing and wheezing there was in the backseat. He swears his friends didn't drink that much at dinner, but they're in such high spirits from a successful first day as guests, it's hard to tell the difference.</p><p class="western">“Where else am I supposed to do con shit posting? Half the stuff I recorded today isn't going to fit into the vlog!” Phichit continues on. His voice bounces off the concrete walls of the indoor hotel parking and back at them, the lone noise in the area, which makes the statement sound all the more dramatic for it.</p><p class="western">“Facebook?” Yuuri offers. Phichit whines harder.</p><p class="western">“Noooo, no, no, no.”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong chimes in with, “Instagram?”</p><p class="western">“Nooooo. It's not the same. It's not chaotic enough.” Phichit sprawls himself across the hood of Yuuri's car, lying there in a dramatic pose. “Nothing fills the Vine-shaped hole that's been left behind. I'm wasting away.”</p><p class="western">“Don't worry,” Leo says as he grabs their leftovers from the backseat of Yuuri's car, “someone somewhere will make a new video app, and then we can properly shit post again.”</p><p class="western">“But <em>when</em> is it happening? It's been almost a year. I'm dying here! Compilation videos on Youtube only do so much when I've seen them all before.”</p><p class="western">Leo shrugs. “Oh, I dunno, give it one more year? Something is bound to come up.”</p><p class="western">Phichit points an accusatory finger towards his phone camera. “<em>Thanks</em>, Twitter. You shit posting cockblockers.”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong snorts. “Thaaat's getting edited out.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri laughs softly to himself and slams his door shut, the car beeping as it's locked for the night.</p><p class="western">Hearing the sound of wheels on pavement approaching, he looks up in time to see Viktor's own vehicle pulling down into the parking lot entrance. Yuuri and his friends hang around patiently while the others find a parking spot nearby. While they wait, Phichit continues to fill the air with his usual con vlog chatter.</p><p class="western">Viktor is the first to get out of his car. He arches his back as he steps out, his arms stretching above his head. The hem of his shirt rides up, enough for a slip of skin to show, and Yuuri's eyes find it immediately.</p><p class="western">He tries to yank them away before Viktor can catch him ogling, but he's much too late. Viktor's gaze finds his, and they gaze at each across the empty car spaces between them.</p><p class="western">Not for the first time that night, Yuuri finds himself unable to look away.</p><p class="western">Not that he isn't scared right now, feeling incredibly nervous and beyond unsure, because he most certainly is.</p><p class="western">No, it's more like there's magnetic pull between them that can no longer be ignored. The more Yuuri resists, the more aware of it he becomes, and the harder it is not to give in entirely. That much was made evident earlier when Yuuri practically flung himself at Viktor and held on for all he was worth.</p><p class="western">(...Or when he made a fool of himself on stage, as he keeps trying to not think about for the sake of his sanity.)</p><p class="western">He was just comforting Viktor the only way he knew how, he'd reasoned at the time. How could he not, when Viktor's voice cracked painfully around his quiet words, when he looked so alone standing there in the dark of the empty street? Yuuri did what was needed to help keep Viktor glued together.</p><p class="western">Except now, a little more than an hour later, Yuuri knows that's not the whole truth.</p><p class="western">It's not just that he wanted to comfort Viktor. It's that he wanted to be the one to comfort him.</p><p class="western">The weight of that selfish realization sits heavy on his shoulders as Yuuri stares longingly at the one man who has ever made him feel like this.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares back at him for a long moment before looking away, breaking the pull for them. Yuuri watches helplessly as Viktor wets his lips and fiddles with his keys, his stomach twisting up with foreign feelings he doesn't know how to deal with.</p><p class="western">Can Viktor tell how drawn Yuuri is to him? Is that why he looks so uncomfortable? Things seemed fine after they went back inside the restaurant to finish their meal with their friends, but who really knows what's going on in Viktor's head...</p><p class="western">“How am I still full from dinner?” Christophe proclaims as he exits the passenger side door. “I don't think I've ever been so satisfied in my whole life. How is this even possible?”</p><p class="western">“Is that why you didn't want any leftovers?” Leo calls over, waving the bag back and forth in his hands. “Last chance to change your mind, y'know.”</p><p class="western">Christophe waves a hand. “I can't even think about food right now. Besides, I've seen how Yuuri gets at 2 AM during a con weekend. Best it goes to you guys so you have something to sacrifice to the insatiable beast lurking in Yuuri's stomach.”</p><p class="western">Viktor glances up from locking his car, looking like he's only just tuned into the conversation and has no idea what he's stepped into. “I'm sorry, the what now?”</p><p class="western">“Nothing, it's nothing,” Yuuri rushes out, but Phichit's already stopped the recording on his camera and is going through his video gallery for the horrible evidence.</p><p class="western">“Oh, you've got to see this,” Phichit says, walking over to Viktor's side to show him his phone. “One year, I woke up to some weird noises. I caught Yuuri scarfing down an entire bag of chips and some leftover pizza while watching some weird ass Youtube videos. He didn't even notice I woke up, he was so into what he was doing. Where is it, where is... here it is!”</p><p class="western">“How about we don't,” Yuuri starts, but Viktor's eyes are on Phichit's phone, and he has no choice but to wait out the dreadful six second video that was posted on Vine almost two years ago.</p><p class="western">Yuuri recalls the whole thing perfectly – and only because he's been asked about it so many times from fans who think it's funny as fuck that Yuuri got caught sitting on his bed, nothing but the cool light from his phone to illuminate him in the dark hotel room, cramming junk into his mouth like he hasn't seen a morsel of food in weeks.</p><p class="western">“...Oh,” Viktor gasps as Phichit replays the clip over. He looks up at Yuuri like he's seeing a whole other person standing before him. “You can't even see your eyes. The light reflects off your glasses too much. It's like something out of a horror movie.”</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Yuuri says flatly.</p><p class="western">“It was much worse when you watched it on the Vine app because it looped so perfectly,” Phichit snickers. “I think we got something like ten thousand views on it. And I've definitely seen it in a 'vines that radiate cryptic energy' compilation video once.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans to himself. Great. Just great.</p><p class="western">“Okay, okay, enough with that,” Leo laughs. “We need to get this food into the fridge before it spoils.”</p><p class="western">Viktor glances around them as they all walk. “Wait, where's Sara and Mila? Didn't they come back?”</p><p class="western">“Nah. They went home with Michele,” Phichit says, leading the way over to the stairs that will let them back to the main part of the hotel. “They live nearby, so they don't need a hotel room. It's just us extremely manly men now.”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, the horror,” Christophe drawls. “Whatever shall we do with ourselves.”</p><p class="western">“Whatever indeed,” Phichit teases back. He holds open the door to the lobby, waiting until everyone else has passed through before following. “Hey, did you guys wanna come back to our room? We're probably gonna sit up a while longer. We've got drinks, if you're interested.”</p><p class="western">“Well...” Christophe trails off. He glances Viktor's way. Viktor doesn't say anything.</p><p class="western">“You don't have to drink if you don't want to,” Yuuri says, sensing some tension in Viktor's lack of response. “Or stay long.”</p><p class="western"><em>Please say yes</em>. He doesn't want his night with Viktor to end so soon, even though it's probably the smart thing to do. Except the sooner their Friday ends, the sooner the weekend altogether ends, and then the sooner they'll have to...</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles at him, but there's a tangible distance between them that Yuuri feels unable to cross. “Thanks, but it's getting pretty late. I gotta get up extra early tomorrow for Sidon, so I should probably hit the hay.”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Yuuri says, quietly.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Viktor begins, but Yuuri shakes his head, catching himself quickly.</p><p class="western">“It's okay, I understand. We should probably go to bed soon, too. We're just super used to staying up all weekend, y'know? Force of habit.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “Oh, I know. I've been there.”</p><p class="western"><em>Yeah, with people I hate,</em> Yuuri finds himself thinking. He holds the bitter comment close. It's not his anger to have, as much as he still feels it.</p><p class="western">They part ways when they reach their floor, Viktor and Christophe wishing them all a good night before they head further down the hallway to their room. Yuuri forces his attention away, not wanting to think about the sudden heaviness settling at the bottom of his stomach, or at least he tries not to. It's hard when it feels like it's pushing the breath out of him.</p><p class="western">Against all sense, he glances down the hall one last time, expecting to catch sight of Viktor's door closing, shutting him away till morning.</p><p class="western">Instead, he's surprised to see Viktor also looking back while Christophe fiddles with his keycard in the key slot.</p><p class="western">There's a moment of hesitation, like Viktor wants to say something but can't. Then his lips pull into something like a smile, and he gives a small wave before he finally disappears into his room, the click of the door shutting feeling all too definitive.</p><p class="western">More feelings slam into Yuuri, and the distinct urge to rush over and make sure Viktor doesn't have to spend the remainder of his night by himself hits him hard.</p><p class="western">It's silly. Christophe is there with him. It's not like Viktor's alone.</p><p class="western">And yet he wants to. He <em>wants.</em></p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Ah, home, sweet home,” Guang Hong sighs as they all step into their suite.</p><p class="western">No one bothers with the sitting room. They set their things aside, shove food into the fridge of their small kitchenette, and then everyone heads straight to the bedroom to collapse on their beds. The fluffy cream white comforters puff and slowly deflate under the weight of everyone's tired and heavy bodies.</p><p class="western">“What a day,” Phichit yawns into his pillow.</p><p class="western">“Still two more to go,” says Leo, propping his head up on his hand.</p><p class="western">Next to his boyfriend, Guang Hong reminds them all, “Three, if you include driving home on Monday.”</p><p class="western">Phichit makes a face. “Ew, driving.”</p><p class="western">Lying on his side, Yuuri picks at a loose string he found at the hem of his shirt. He swallows around the lump forming in his throat. “Um. Can I talk to you guys?”</p><p class="western">Phichit rolls over to face him, brow lifting. “Sure. What's up, buddy?”</p><p class="western">Over his friend's shoulder, Yuuri sees Leo sitting up, legs crossing casually. Guang Hong follows suit, hugging one of the hotel provided pillows to his chest to rest his chin on.</p><p class="western">Yuuri hesitates to continue. He feels bad for bothering his friends when they likely want to relax before getting ready for bed, but his worries are bubbling inside like a boiling pot of water ready to spill over, and he's not sure he can keep it all to himself tonight, not when he's already so exhausted from what was a really intense first day.</p><p class="western">“Everything okay?” Leo asks when Yuuri doesn't say anything more.</p><p class="western">“Sort of,” Yuuri answers honestly.</p><p class="western">Phichit softly prompts him with, “Does this have something to do with Viktor?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “That obvious, huh?”</p><p class="western">“You guys only disappeared for, like, twenty minutes at dinner. For a second there we thought maybe you guys left.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “We were just talking.”</p><p class="western">“About?”</p><p class="western">“Stuff. Not my stuff to say,” Yuuri clarifies.</p><p class="western">Phichit nods in understanding. “Okay, we will definitely not talk about that. Something else on your mind?”</p><p class="western">“A lot of things, to be honest.” Yuuri shrugs. "I don't really know where to start.”</p><p class="western">Leo brushes some hair out of his face. “Does any of it by chance have to do with that dance you pulled off?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri flushes at the memory of it. It feels hot and intense; he's beyond sure it's been branded into his memory for the rest of his foreseeable life. “Uh.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah,” Guang Hong chimes in, leaning forward on his pillow as though to get a better look at Yuuri's face. “I know you do sexy dances now and then, but that was something else entirely.”</p><p class="western">“Uhhhhh...”</p><p class="western">“Do we at least get three guesses?” Leo asks.</p><p class="western">“... You probably don't even need one,” Yuuri murmurs.</p><p class="western">A broad grin lights up Leo's face. “Oh, my God. I knew it.”</p><p class="western">“No way!” Guang Hong gasps.</p><p class="western">Leo and Guang Hong burst into delighted cheers and laughter, Leo even slapping the bed in all the excitement. Yuuri tries his best to curl up into the comforter, but the thick, soft mass can only do so much to hide him from his friend's uncensored enthusiasm.</p><p class="western">Beaming, Guang Hong says, “I kind of had a hunch that's what was up, but it's hard to tell with you sometimes. You were totally trying to seduce him, weren't you?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri buries his burning face into his pillow.</p><p class="western">Leo laughs. “Wow. Who would've thought our Yuuri would be hot for Viktor. This weekend is just full of surprises.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts his head to look at Phichit, his face utterly on fire. “Wait, you didn't tell them?”</p><p class="western">“No?” Phichit answers, blinking in surprise. “I said I wouldn't, didn't I? I <em>can</em> keep a secret, you know.”</p><p class="western">Not sure what to say, Yuuri lets out a weak sounding, “Thanks?”</p><p class="western">Grinning into his pillow, Guang Hong asks, “Does Viktor know? Is that what you guys were talking about?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “No. Nothing like that.”</p><p class="western">“We're not talking about that, remember?” Leo reminds Guang Hong.</p><p class="western">“Oops. Sorry.”</p><p class="western">“What I wanna know,” Phichit says, grinning, “is if that dance was planned from the start. Were you sitting on that little lap dance for weeks, or was that really and truly Yuuri style impulsiveness we saw out there?”</p><p class="western">“The latter,” Yuuri confirms. “Honestly, I didn't know I was going to do it. It just sorta... happened.”</p><p class="western">Leo says, “I'm honestly more surprised you showed your face afterwards. I totally expected you to hide in here all night after that little stunt.”</p><p class="western">“... Me, too,” Yuuri confesses.</p><p class="western">After he left the stage, Yuuri expected to be embarrassed with himself. Ashamed of his overly sexual and possessive display, at his complete disregard for basic safety rules they're always drilling into their contestants. They have rules like that for a reason, so shit like that doesn't happen and get them all in trouble. And what did he do? He shook his ass all over it! How could he not feel humiliated?</p><p class="western">Except... that's not how he felt. At all.</p><p class="western">To Yuuri's surprise, he felt <em>extremely good </em>after his dance<em>.</em> Like a valve that had been tightly shut for too long was finally allowed to release, and so much of what he kept buried inside was allowed to flow as free and powerful as it longed to.</p><p class="western">If anything, he felt relieved.</p><p class="western">For much of the past two days – hell, the last couple of weeks – he'd been stressed out of his mind over this dance. So much so, it shoved a lot of his other worries to the back burner of his mind. But as soon as he got out there and things started going in his favour, it was like all of his worries evaporated into nothing, and all that was left was his pure wanting for Viktor.</p><p class="western">In those thirty seconds, where he laid his wants out bare for the whole world to see, he didn't care who knew his innermost longing. He only knew that he wanted Viktor's attention, and that he was going to get it one way or another.</p><p class="western">So that's what he did. And Yuuri felt fucking <em>amazing</em> afterwards. Unstoppable. Powerful. Like he wasn't only a creature of wants and desires, but someone who could also be wanted and desired in return. And with the way Viktor stared up at him, with eyes wide and full of nothing but Yuuri... it certainly felt possible. If only for a moment.</p><p class="western">It left him wondering.</p><p class="western">“I almost didn't DM Viktor,” Yuuri confesses. “To ask him out for dinner, I mean.”</p><p class="western">“You did, though,” Phichit points out, sounding proud. Like he could tell how much internal convincing it took for Yuuri to pull that off.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “I just felt so good about everything. I was still nervous, but I also thought, 'if I can shake my ass like that in front of him, then I can ask him a simple question.'”</p><p class="western">“I could tell that you were feeling yourself.” Phichit lifts himself up on one arm, arranging himself into a comfortable position, and smiles down at him. “You were smiling the whole time we were getting ready.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's brow lifts. “Did I really?”</p><p class="western">Leo laughs. “Oh, yeah. I don't think any of us have seen you that happy. You're usually more on the reserved side, but you looked like you were about to burst.”</p><p class="western">Oh. He hadn't realized. It's exactly how Yuuri felt at the time – like brilliant, breath-taking fireworks were going off in his head and he was helpless but to stand back and bask in their brightness – but not once did he think it was written so clearly across his face.</p><p class="western">Had it been obvious to Viktor, too...?</p><p class="western">“Honestly, I don't think I've ever felt like that before,” Yuuri admits. “This is going to sound silly, but I actually felt okay with myself for once in my life. How ridiculous is that?”</p><p class="western">“Not ridiculous at all,” Guang Hong says.</p><p class="western">Yuuri rolls onto his back. He stares up at the blank ceiling as he considers his next words. “How did... how did Viktor seem to you guys?”</p><p class="western">Phichit asks, “Like, in general? Or around you?”</p><p class="western">After a moment of hesitation, Yuuri says, “The last one.”</p><p class="western">Phichit chuckles. “Isn't it obvious? That guy has not been able to take his eyes off you since he arrived yesterday. If you ask me, he totally wants to scoop you up in his arms and run off with you. Which, given how absolutely smitten you are, I think I'll allow.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri turns his head to look at him. He doesn't want to hope too hard. For all he knows his friends are just trying to boost his confidence, gas him up enough for him to come to a conclusion that he might take longer to get to if he keeps it all to himself. But they're not the type to lie or exaggerate, either. They'd never intentionally steer him wrong.</p><p class="western">“Really?” he asks.</p><p class="western">Phichit tilts his head, like he's studying Yuuri from a whole new angle. “You can't tell?”</p><p class="western">“I can barely tell my own feelings half the time, let alone someone else's.” Yuuri wets his dry lips. “He, uh. He called me adorable yesterday. Does that count for anything?”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong and Leo exchange looks while Phichit slaps a hand over his mouth.</p><p class="western">“What? He said that and you're seriously asking us if we think he likes you? Who calls their friend adorable?”</p><p class="western">“You do,” Yuuri says. “I mean, usually when you're really drunk, but you do.”</p><p class="western">Phichit flicks his fingers at Yuuri's shoulder. “That's different and you know it.”</p><p class="western">Another thought occurs to Yuuri. Something he's never thought twice about before, but now, with fresh eyes, he wonders if it's something else he's accidentally missed. With warming cheeks, he admits, “He also asked me a while ago if I was single.”</p><p class="western">Phichit shoots up into sitting position, his jaw on the floor. “He what?! When?”</p><p class="western">“A while ago.”</p><p class="western">Phichit slaps a hand onto his chest. “And you never told me? Your best friend?”</p><p class="western">“I didn't think anything of it!” Yuuri defends. “I thought he was just being curious. We talk about a lot of personal stuff.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, okay, but your <em>dating status? </em>People only ask about that if they're interested!”</p><p class="western">“Not... not always?” Yuuri answers weakly. He looks over at Leo and Guang Hong for back-up, but is stunned to see the other two levelling him with expressions of amused disagreement.</p><p class="western">“Sorry man,” Leo says, “but Phichit's got a point here. It's one thing for friends to ask about that, but given everything else, it's pretty obvious what his intentions were.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri returns to staring up at the ceiling, suddenly wishing a giant hole in the bed would open up and swallow him up so he doesn't have to face the fact that he's flat out <em>not good</em> at this stuff.</p><p class="western">Viktor was <em>asking him out?</em></p><p class="western">There's no way... but what if?</p><p class="western">Yuuri wishes he could remember that conversation better, but it's far away enough for the specifics to feel fuzzy. It's somewhere deep in their DMs, he <em>could</em> go look, but he's scared to scroll back and see how much of a dense dumbass he has been. If Viktor really was feeling out whether or not Yuuri was interested, then he undoubtedly let Viktor down when no such thing happened.</p><p class="western">Is that why Viktor looks at him oddly now and then? Like he's also holding something back?</p><p class="western"><em>Is</em> Viktor holding back?</p><p class="western">The realization sucks the breath right out of Yuuri as his memories of the last couple of months rearrange themselves into something else entirely, something totally unexpected. The pieces are all still the same, but the finished picture is entirely new.</p><p class="western">Now it's no feels longer wishful thinking. Now it feels painfully obvious.</p><p class="western">“Sooo...” Phichit draws out. “Have you figured out yet whether or not you're gonna tell him?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “Not really. I was so distracted with everything else, I haven't had much time to really think about it.”</p><p class="western">“Hm. You're thinking about it now, though.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah...” Yuuri murmurs. “But. I'm not sure if I should tell Viktor how I feel.”</p><p class="western">His friends collectively frown, confused by the sudden turn in direction.</p><p class="western">“Why not?” Phichit asks. “You like him, don't you? And we're 99.99% sure he likes you, too. What's the problem?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost laughs. Where to even start? His lack of experience, for one. His confusing sexuality, which he's only recently started to get in touch with almost a quarter of a century into his life. Maybe it wouldn't be a problem in the beginning, before things could become serious, but he's honestly not sure how much fun it would actually be for someone else in the long run. No one wants to date someone who is so completely unsure of their own wants.</p><p class="western">He wishes that were it, but his mind whispers traitorously to him perhaps the most pressing issue:</p><p class="western">
  <em>The distance.</em>
</p><p class="western">Because that is certainly something that can't be ignored for long.</p><p class="western">Once the convention is over, they'll go back to living with hundreds of miles between them. It's unavoidable.</p><p class="western">It's not an impossible thing to get through – but it would be an inevitable strain on things. Even Yuuri can see that. Would Viktor even be into the idea of a hard relationship after what he's been through? It's one thing to flirt with possibility from the safety of a phone screen, it's a whole other to put it into practice and deal with the reality of it all.</p><p class="western">Viktor deserves someone fun, who knows what they want, knows how to please him in return, who can be there for him, in person, whenever he needs.</p><p class="western">Who is he to ask Viktor to give up satisfaction for someone like him?</p><p class="western">With a sigh, Yuuri settles with, “It's complicated.”</p><p class="western">His friends fall quiet. Even Phichit, who normally has a positive outlook for all situations, stares down at the bed and works his lip between his teeth.</p><p class="western">After a long moment, he fixes Yuuri with a firm stare, and he says, “I have a hard question for you.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares back, unable to discern what Phichit is about to throw at him. “Okay.”</p><p class="western">“Will you regret not telling him?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri says nothing.</p><p class="western">“I'm not saying this is your only chance to say something,” Phichit clarifies, “because obviously you can tell him whenever you want, but... well, you said he asked a while ago, right? I think he still likes you, but I can't say he'll feel like that forever. At some point, if he's sure you don't feel the same, he'll start to move on.”</p><p class="western">The thought of Viktor inevitably moving on to someone else, someone <em>other</em> than Yuuri, has his heart squeezing painfully.</p><p class="western">“So you think I should do it anyway,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“I mean, what do you have to lose? On the <em>extremely off</em> chance we're all wrong here, I don't think Viktor's the type to stop being friends with you over a crush. He'll understand. Maybe it'll be embarrassing, and maybe it'd hurt a lot, but at least you'd know for sure.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri winces. “That sounds terrible.”</p><p class="western">Phichit hums. “Yeah, yeah, it does actually. You know what, why am I giving advice about this? I have no idea how this shit works.” He jerks his thumb in Guang Hong and Leo's direction. “Ask them. They figured it out the hard way, maybe they have tips.”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong makes a face. “<em>Gee</em>, thanks.”</p><p class="western">“I'm just saying! Crying got you somewhere. Specifically into Leo's well toned arms.”</p><p class="western">Leo laugh-coughs into his hand.</p><p class="western">“We've been over this,” Yuuri says. “I'm not crying in a hotel room over my feelings. That's bad enough.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Leo starts, “what's worse, being sad in front of your friends and not even trying, thus guaranteeing you <em>get </em>nothing, or giving it a try and maybe getting a hot boyfriend by the end of the con?”</p><p class="western">“The part where I make a fool of myself and have to dig a hole big enough for myself to bury my live body in,” Yuuri deadpans.</p><p class="western">“Don't make me pull up quotes about fools and love,” Phichit warns, pointing a finger at him, “because I absolutely will, and you will hate it.”</p><p class="western">“Try me,” Yuuri retorts.</p><p class="western">Phichit squints at him, his hand slowly reaching for his phone. Yuuri lunges forward before he can grab it and overhands the phone over onto the next bed over, where it narrowly misses Guang Hong's head.</p><p class="western">Guang Hong twists out of the way just in the nick of time. “Hey!”</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Yuuri apologizes on reflex.</p><p class="western">“Rude,” Phichit complains. “But back on topic – oh, you thought you could distract me? Think again.”</p><p class="western">“Phichit,” Yuuri groans, but his friend keeps talking.</p><p class="western">“Here's an idea. You're still not sure you wanna take the plunge? Okay. Well, what if you experiment a little tomorrow.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri arches a brow. “What?”</p><p class="western">“You know...” Phichit places a delicate hand beneath his chin and winks in an exaggerated manner. “<em>Flirt</em>.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares at him long and hard. “That sounds great, except for one small problem. I can't flirt my way out of a paper bag if my life depended on it.”</p><p class="western">“Flirting isn't hard,” Phichit asserts. “Just smile at him a lot, compliment his good looks, touch his arm like he's a work of art and you're appreciating the handiwork. Basically get his attention and <em>suggest</em> things.” Phichit wiggles his fingers at the last part. When Yuuri continues to stare at him, he nudges Yuuri's shoulder and says, “Oh, c'mon. You're good at that part. You didn't just have his attention at the lip sync, you fucking hogged it. You said it yourself that you didn't plan any of that. It all came naturally.”</p><p class="western">“I'm not thrusting my hips in public to keep his eyes on me.”</p><p class="western">“Except you totally already did.”</p><p class="western">“Not <em>that</em> public.”</p><p class="western">"<em>So</em> public."</p><p class="western">“S'not a bad idea,” Leo says, rubbing his chin.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. “The hip thrusting?”</p><p class="western">Leo laughs. “No, no. The flirting part. You already have Viktor's attention, we can all see that. It wouldn't be hard to add a little extra attention here and there to see how he reacts. You don't have to be super fancy or do anything extravagant. Just do what feels most comfortable for you.”</p><p class="western">Flirting? Comfortable? Is that even possible?</p><p class="western">Yuuri lets the suggestion roll around in his head. Could he do it? His mind is coming up blank on ways to actually accomplish that – but, if Phichit is right, then he apparently works best without a script to follow.</p><p class="western">...What if he tried? Just to see what happens?</p><p class="western">But <em>should</em> he, is the question.</p><p class="western">To his surprise, his gut answer isn't a clear cut “no.”</p><p class="western">As scary as actually going for it would be, the more imaginative part of Yuuri's brain can't help but supply him with vivid fantasies of what it could be like to be with Viktor, like clips from a movie that hasn't been acted out or written yet. Viktor in his arms, smiling at something silly Yuuri said or did. The two of them sharing a home cooked meal they both worked on while curled up on the couch and watching a movie together. Walking Makkachin and Vicchan together down a sleepy, autumn street while their hands are tightly entwined, a point of natural contact and warmth against the cool air.</p><p class="western">...Taking Viktor home? Introducing him to his family? Sleeping together in his old bedroom, cuddling beneath a thick blanket while it snows outside?</p><p class="western">All of it has Yuuri's heart swell to bursting.</p><p class="western">If Viktor likes him back, if those feelings are real... then they could have it all.</p><p class="western">No longer able to sit still, Yuuri rises off the bed. “I'm going to go take a shower. Anyone need in?”</p><p class="western">His friends give him a small chorus of “nah, I'm good.” They stay put on their beds, not making any move to chase after Yuuri, though the looks on their faces scream that they're not done with this conversation yet.</p><p class="western">But they also know Yuuri well enough to know that right now, more than anything, he needs a moment to think.</p><p class="western">Yuuri grabs his things and goes for the door, then he stops himself at the last minute to turn back to them. “Um. Thanks for the talk. It helped a lot.”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins up at him. “Hey, no problem. What are friends for?”</p><p class="western">“I know,” Yuuri says. “Just... Not everyone has that luxury.”</p><p class="western">Confusion crosses Phichit's face, but Yuuri leaves before he has the opportunity to ask.</p><p class="western">Yuuri locks the bathroom door behind him and turns the shower faucet to his preferred temperature. The water pressure is actually pretty good all things considered; Yuuri's stayed at enough hotels to know how shitty they can be. The steady shushing of the water preemptively has his shoulders relaxing.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sheds his clothes and steps under the hot, pounding water, and he lets his mind wander...</p><p class="western">Maybe... he wouldn't be great at it all, at first. How can he be, when he's never seriously dated anyone before? But maybe he doesn't have to be <em>terrible </em>at it, either. He could learn how to be the best person possible for Viktor. While he doesn't always grasp things right away, he is a dedicated student, and if his heart is telling him anything right now, it's that he would give <em>anything</em> for the chance to be the one to make Viktor feel anywhere near as happy and safe and wanted as Yuuri feels around him. He feels almost sick with it.</p><p class="western">Flirting like a regular person may be beyond Yuuri's scope of familiarity, but there are other ways to show he's interested, to show that he cares.</p><p class="western">(Like the small gift he still has stored away in is luggage.)</p><p class="western">While it's possible Viktor's no longer interested – or never was to begin with – doesn't Yuuri owe to himself to give it a chance? Shouldn't Viktor be allowed the option to also say yes, or no?</p><p class="western">He won't know unless he tries.</p><p class="western">Who knows. Today didn't go anything at all like he expected. Maybe tomorrow won't, either.</p><p class="western">So, hands braced against the tile of the shower, Yuuri takes a deep breath, and he makes a decision.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. day two: what the fuck is happening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HOW ABOUT THAT ICE ADOLESCENCE TRAILER, HUH???????? It's been almost a week and I am STILL shaking from it!! THE LIVING LEGEND IS COMING HOME.</p><p>This chapter was originally much longer, but it felt like too much happening at once, so I split it up into two. So I have about 10 pages of the next chapter written lol. Don't worry, there's more flirting in the next chapter!</p><p>Small content warning, but Viktor starts to experience height related dysphoria in this chapter and the next.</p><p>-</p><p>Cosplay/nerd notes:</p><p>I forget if I've said this in a previous chapter or not, but “falsie/falsies” is another term for fake eyelashes (aka the things you glue to your eyelids to give your lashes a more dramatic look. They look much scarier than they actually are, and can really take your cute anime girl cosplay to a whole new level if you're willing to go there.)</p><p>A common thing cosplayers will do for anime hair buns is take a foam ball, cut out a tube shape through the inside, stick wig hair on the inside, have it stick out the top through the hole, and then glue the fibres down the outside so that it gives off the impression of a perfectly shaped, non-messy hair bun. I've done it several times before for Sailor Moon related cosplays and it is simultaneously the funnest + frustrating wig thing to be doing, if only because the odds of burning yourself with all the hot glue is VERY HIGH. Don't worry, your finger tips get used to it real fast, and the bowl of cool water you keep with you does help. (Cosplayers have high pain tolerance because of nonsense like this.)</p><p>Pls do imagine Yuuri hunched over a foam ball, muttering “fuck... fuck.... fuck....” to himself for several hours while he dips his fingers into the cold water while smoothing down the wig fibres. Because that is the reality of it.</p><p>CLAMP have a lot of gender/sexless characters in their library of works, which of course includes Ruby Moon. Although she uses she/her and dresses in a feminine manner, Ruby Moon is intended to be written as genderless. I'm not sure whether that refers to her physical body or her innate sense of gender or both, CLAMP isn't too specific when it comes to that sort of terminology. To keep with what the internet is telling me, I use the phrase “genderless” in this chapter to describe her even though it's a complicated phrase/word.</p><p>Just in case you haven't seen the Yuuri cosplay thread on twitter and/or don't know what Ruby Moon looks like, I've described most of the costume in-fic but here is a picture of what Yuuri is supposed to look like: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/ccs/images/d/dc/CCS_Illustration_Collection_Vol.2_P_38.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20191011164559</p><p>Hot af amirite or amirite ;o</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Viktor's dabbing a second layer of white face paint onto his cheek when his phone goes off.</p><p class="western">The victory fanfare is incredibly loud in the quiet hotel room, and it nearly jolts Viktor out of his chair. He glances down at it his phone in surprise.</p><p class="western">It can't be who he think it is; Yuuri's rarely up this early of his own accord.</p><p class="western">...Except Yuuri's also never been a convention guest who has to be on the con floor by a certain hour, either. It's more like a regular workday than, say, an actual weekend for Yuuri in this case.</p><p class="western">Still lying in bed, Christophe stirs and lets out a long yawn. Slowly, he sits up and angles himself just enough to peer into the sitting room. With bleary eyes, he blinks over at Viktor and his set-up from afar. His voice is gravely as he says, “Someone is up early.”</p><p class="western">“It's only 7 AM,” Viktor replies.</p><p class="western">“Eaaaarly. Who's messaging you?”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, I think.” Viktor unlocks his phone, and yup, there it is. A DM from Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Aw, poor guy. He's not much of a morning person, from what I recall. He must be exhausted.”</p><p class="western">“Probably...” Viktor trails off as he opens up the message and is hit with an unexpected selfie.</p><p class="western">It's Yuuri, hair pulled back under what looks like a black wig cap, his skin freshly moisturized and practically glowing, perfectly primed for make-up. He's smiling softly, winking up into the camera. His contacts are already in, because the one eye showing is a soft and flattering pink.</p><p class="western">Viktor almost leans back against his chair, taken aback by the unexpected photo.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not one to send many selfies. Any pictures he tends to share are funny memes he finds online, or photos of Vicchan being adorable. Viktor can count on one hand the number of actual selfies Yuuri has sent since they started messaging.</p><p class="western">And only one – the <em>first</em> one – was anywhere near this intentionally cute.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes trail down to the message sent along with the photo.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ruby Moon day!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Pray for meeeeeeeee, I'm going to need it OTL</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You don't need prayers, you're a master at this. You're going to blow everyone away when you're all done</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But I'll cross my fingers for you anyway~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's reply, to Viktor's surprise, is less dismissive like he expects it to be. It's more... inquisitive, if anything.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You think? I hope I don't disappoint. I do feel a whole lot more in my element right now though, so I guess that has to count for something</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I think it does! Your Sesshoumaru is amazing, but looking good and feeling good are two different things some days. I've certainly had times where costumes feel wrong no matter what I do or what others say</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>If it's all right... can I ask why you chose to cosplay Sesshoumaru? It's not normally a character you go for, right?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well... because my favourite was already taken (my fave is Sango, but Sara wanted to cosplay her in our group so I passed it up). And because... don't laugh, but because I wanted to impress you?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>??? What do you mean, impress me? You made it before we even started chatting : o</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah, I did</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're always pushing your limits, doing new things, going against the type of character people expect you to do, so I thought “I want to be like that too. I want to surprise everyone and show off when I meet Viktor.” I'm always crossplaying these days, so no one expects me to try and be someone masculine and intimidating like Sesshoumaru</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Kinda ended up fucking myself over royally on that one, what with all the panicking I did over it. I knew I should've just picked a female costume I felt the best in the last time I tried to meet you, but I got ambitious</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aw, Yuuuriiiiiii</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm very flattered to hear that : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>On the bright side, I finally got to see it yesterday! And I know I've already said so, but I was very, very impressed with it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>People will be just as impressed with you today, I promise you that. Maybe even more so, since you're so much more used to crossplaying. If you're that good outside of your element, I can only imagine how amazing you are IN it!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Not that I haven't seen photos, because I have, but I'm extra excited to see it in person!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life: </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aahhhh, well...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'll trust you on that. You would know what is and isn't attractive, right? ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor blinks at the last message. What?</p><p class="western">Another message comes in before he has the chance to reply.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How's your Sidon make-up going, btw? You must have started the face paint already</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor can't help but laugh to himself. Maybe it's just him, but this feels a little too obvious.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuriiiiii, are you fishing for a selfie of your own?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Well, you were so nice to send me one, so here, take a look for yourself</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor pulls back his phone, picks an appropriate angle, and snaps a pic of his extremely awkward looking face.</p><p class="western">It's... a peculiar photo, he has to admit. His silver hair is pushed back with a bright pink cloth headband, which makes sections of his bangs stick up at odd angles. Most of his face is a flat white with red lining the sides and pink on his brow, right where his headgear will rest against his skin. Hardly any of his features make it onto the image reflected back to him on his phone, not even his eyebrows, which have been glued down with several layers of craft glue so that his brow will appear perfectly smooth. Without the rest of his costume or make up done, his yellow eyes appear more eerie than friendly.</p><p class="western">He's hardly presentable by any means, but he still gets a kick out of sending Yuuri proof of the mess that he currently is anyway.</p><p class="western">He hopes Yuuri gets a kick out of it as well.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Trust the processssss</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omfg</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You look like a ghost! WHERE'S YOUR FACE???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ikr???</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's somewhere. I have to put it back on ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't wait to see it</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Your face, I mean</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>And your costume!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Is he... reading this right? No, no, Yuuri doesn't mean it like <em>that</em>. He's joking around. He wants to see Viktor's make-up skills, not... not his actual face, right? The lack of coffee is affecting Viktor's brain, obviously. As used to early mornings as he is, Viktor clearly needs to wake up more.</p><p class="western">On cue, he hears Christophe rolling out of bed. The sound of a zipper parts the silence as he sorts through his luggage for clean clothes.</p><p class="western">“I'm gonna take a shower and then grab some breakfast. You want anything?”</p><p class="western">“Coffee would be amazing,” Viktor answers as he tries to think up a suitable reply. If Yuuri is joking around, should he as well? “And maybe a muffin or sandwich.”</p><p class="western">“Preference?”</p><p class="western">“Not really. Surprise me?”</p><p class="western">He glances over in time to see Christophe give him a thumbs up and yawn out a tired sounding, “Can do.” Then his friend disappears into the bathroom. The water starts not long after.</p><p class="western">Viktor turns back to his phone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't wait to see yours, too</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Ever so tempted, Viktor allows himself to type<em> And I mean your costume and your face. </em>But after a long minute of indecision, he deletes it before he hits send.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I truly don't know how you walk in those things.”</p><p class="western">Christophe's holding onto Viktor's waist as well as one of his hands, helping him keep steady as he bends his head down low enough so that he doesn't bump his headgear off the top of the elevator door and accidentally damage it. Seung Gil trails behind them, carrying the tall and wide box holding the pieces of Viktor's new table display for the day.</p><p class="western">Viktor's grateful for all the help, especially when his heel hits the floor wrong and he has to quickly regain his off sense of balance. Even though he's been wearing his high heeled boots for almost an hour now, his feet and legs are already starting to get tired.</p><p class="western">(He knew he should've worn them around the house the week leading up to the con to build up endurance. He knew and he still didn't do it. He's worn Sidon to quite a few cons by now, but it's still been long enough since the last one for his feet to become unused to the extra strain. He got too cocky.)</p><p class="western">And then there's the extra height, which, to Viktor's alarm, is making him extremely uneasy today.</p><p class="western">He feels gigantic. Big and looming over everything and everyone, like some huge beast.</p><p class="western">Which is silly. Sidon <em>is</em> a beast-like character. He's supposed to appear like this. He felt fine this morning before stepping into the boots. He was fine other days he wore this exact same costume. Why is the extra height giving him such grief now?</p><p class="western">(He knows why.)</p><p class="western">It doesn't matter how he felt in the past or how he wants to feel now, though. He still can't stop the voice in his head from whispering: <em>this isn't right. I feel </em>wrong<em>.</em></p><p class="western">Did he accidentally jinx himself by talking to Yuuri about costumes that “fit” wrong at times?</p><p class="western">Quite a few people stop and unabashedly stare at them as they walk through the convention center, but Viktor forces himself to ignore them in favour of paying attention to where he's stepping on the carpeted floor. The last thing he needs right now is to break an ankle.</p><p class="western">“You might as well be walking in stilts at this point,” Christophe comments.</p><p class="western">Viktor replies, “It's not that bad.”</p><p class="western">“He says as he wobbles... You're naturally tall enough to be Sidon, y'know. Why did you go for such tall heels?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head in disagreement. Christophe is technically right, but what's 'natural' isn't good enough for Viktor and his craft. “If my head isn't almost touching the ceiling, then what's the point? Half the magic of this costume is in the height.”</p><p class="western">Christophe snorts. “Whatever you say, Your Highness.”</p><p class="western">They reach the guest alley, and Viktor immediately gets to work re-setting up his table. They have an hour before the con opens for the day, which is more than enough time, but Viktor definitely wants to sit down for at least ten minutes before he has to stand for several hours in a row.</p><p class="western">“I have to go check on something,” Seung Gil says as Viktor packs up his old table display. “But I'll be back to help you with the crowd when the con opens. You'll be fine until then?”</p><p class="western">“Perfectly fine,” Viktor answers. It's not like anyone can bother him in here when the crowd is still outside of the center.</p><p class="western">“Good. I'll be back.” Without anymore wasted words or time, Seung Gil takes his leave.</p><p class="western">“Sure is helpful, that one,” Christophe whispers to Viktor.</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs. “Not his fault.”</p><p class="western">“He was barely around yesterday.”</p><p class="western">“Right, and I was fine.”</p><p class="western">“I have even more shoots today than yesterday,” Christophe reminds him. “I won't be able to stick around as much today.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just smiles. “I look forward to seeing the photos.”</p><p class="western">A line appears between Christophe's brow, but he says nothing. He takes the box filled with the pieces of the old table display, and starts carting it towards the exit.</p><p class="western">Viktor watches him go – and his heart nearly stops when he sees who enters the alley.</p><p class="western">Because oh, <em>fuck</em>.</p><p class="western">It's Yuuri. And he looks like he stepped right out of a dream of Viktor's own making.</p><p class="western">Long, pink hair frames Yuuri's round face and cascades down his back like a thick waterfall. It flatters his natural colour so well. The twin buns on top of his head are large and smooth, the wig fibres perfectly glued down over what Viktor assumes are foam balls to keep the shape clean and distinct. Not that the average person can tell; it looks as naturally styled as real hair would be.</p><p class="western">Eyes trailing down, Viktor takes in the sleek, sexy shape of Yuuri's black corset, which hugs his body like it's a part of him. A bold red collar with a black butterfly statement piece sits above it, and his long, light pink dress flows from the bottom. Even from afar, Viktor can make out the subtle butterfly pattern Yuuri showed him weeks ago, and he admires the extra creative decision from afar.</p><p class="western">Lastly, he takes notice of the large butterfly wings jutting out from Yuuri's back. Just like the practice ones Yuuri made during their video chat, they're a translucent black with opaque lines and red spots detailing the wings to give it a more lifelike appearance. They honestly look like they could start flapping at any second. By themselves, they alone make Yuuri look and feel larger than life.</p><p class="western"><em>And rightfully so</em>, Viktor thinks privately. This is exactly the sort of costume that will really grab the attendees attention. It's certainly grabbed his.</p><p class="western">No one can deny that Yuuri look like a picture perfect woman. Perfect in general, really. Just... just <em>perfect.</em></p><p class="western">Gazing dreamily at the vision that is Yuuri from afar, Viktor realizes a moment too late that Yuuri's <em>also</em> staring back at him.</p><p class="western">Taken aback, he reflexively smiles and lifts a hand in a friendly wave.</p><p class="western">Without pause, Yuuri starts heading his way.</p><p class="western">Viktor momentarily panics, because he is most certainly <em>not</em> ready to be close to Yuuri this early in the morning. And especially not when he looks like this.</p><p class="western">Before he's ready for it, Yuuri is standing in front of his table. Now so near, Viktor picks up on the smaller details of the make-up that has been lovingly applied to Yuuri's face: the shimmer of his pink and white eyeshadow, the glitter of his thick falsies, the sleekness of his black winged eyeliner. His eyes are sultry and mesmerizing. Viktor can feel himself drowning in them already.</p><p class="western">And, fuck, worst of all is the utterly cruel dark pink lipstick spread across Yuuri's plump lips. It draws far too much attention to the shape of them, to the way the light glistens off the more rounded parts of the soft flesh.</p><p class="western">Viktor has to remind himself to breathe.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Yuuri greets, so completely unaware of how hard Viktor is falling. With the extra height, Yuuri has to crane his head back more than usual to look up at him. It has Viktor feeling all sorts of ways, some good, some bad.</p><p class="western">Mostly, Viktor's trying <em>not</em> to look straight down Yuuri's corset.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor repeats back, with nothing else to follow it. Is he tongue-tied now? Why can't he think of anything else to say? Say something about the costume, fool! “Um, wow, you look amazing.”</p><p class="western">There's a moment of nothing, and then a small rush of air escapes Yuuri's lips, not quite a laugh or a sigh of relief, but certainly something in between. His gloved hand lifts to brush aside some hair from his cheek. “Does it live up to your expectations?” he quietly asks.</p><p class="western">“You look like Ruby Moon come to life,” Viktor replies, unable to help his soft affection from slipping into his voice. “I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely stunned. See? You pulled it all off exactly like I said you would.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles, and God help Viktor, it might as well be the sun rising in the morning with the way it warms him right down to the core of his being.</p><p class="western">“It's all thanks to your help,” Yuuri says, twisting around enough for Viktor to get a better glimpse at the wings. Thank fuck they mostly cover Yuuri's ass, because Viktor's immediately eyes betray him and trip downwards, only to get blocked by the film of the wings.</p><p class="western">“See?” Yuuri says. “I never could've done this part without you.”</p><p class="western">“That was all you,” Viktor says, coughing into his hand. “I was only a very eager cheerleader.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri replies, “You always are.”</p><p class="western">“Right. As one should be.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's brow lifts up, though it's hard to tell why Yuuri suddenly looks intrigued. He turns back around, and after worrying his glossy lip between his teeth, he says, “I have a question.”</p><p class="western">At a loss, Viktor says, “Sure?”</p><p class="western">There's a moment of hesitation. Then, hands lifting, Yuuri places them flat against his chest, and he asks in an uncertain voice, “Does... the lack of boobs make or break this costume for you?”</p><p class="western">For the second time that morning, Viktor's eyes betray him and land right where Yuuri's hands rest, where they'd <em>cup</em> if there was anything there to prop up.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Viktor says, “what was the question again?”</p><p class="western">“I didn't pad,” Yuuri explains, voice cracking a little from going an octave higher than normal. “I usually do, but Ruby Moon is technically genderless, even though she likes to dress like a woman. She's also drawn without a prominent chest, so I wanted to stay true to that. But most people would expect some sort of padding with a costume this feminine... Should I have?”</p><p class="western">Of all things, this is certainly not the question Viktor expected to be asked today.</p><p class="western">(Is it terrible of him that, in this moment, all Viktor can think: <em>oh, so it's nothing but your bare skin right up against that leather then, huh?</em>)</p><p class="western">“Not necessarily,” Viktor answers after clearing his throat. “You're sticking to canon.”</p><p class="western">“I didn't for the dress, though. And technically the wings, if we're going by the anime version. And my make-up is a lot more intense than what most people would go for.”</p><p class="western">“But they're such fun creative choices,” Viktor says, gesturing broadly to all of Yuuri's costume. “Besides, that's half the fun of costume making. Picking and choosing what you want to be screen accurate, and what you think could use a little alteration. I added my own personal touches to my Sidon to bring some extra flair to it, and most people loved it. I'm sure people will love your decisions, too.”</p><p class="western">“You think?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“I know.”</p><p class="western">Air rushes out of Yuuri. “Oh, good. I debated this for months. I have these silicon breast-shape things that I use to pad, y'know, to look as natural as possible, but I didn't want to add something like that to a character who is still feminine without them. I thought maybe it'd send a weird message. But then I woke up this morning worrying that I made a mistake by making this corset fit my natural body so that I could wear it without padding. I'm not even sure they'd fit if I tried – oh.” Yuuri presses a couple fingers to his lips. “Sorry. That was a lot. I'm not sure you needed to know any of that.”</p><p class="western">Oh, but to be a tear drop shaped piece of silicone resting comfortably against Yuuri's chest.</p><p class="western">Viktor is <em>so</em> glad for every layer of face paint and make-up on his face. His overactive imagination needs all the help it can get.</p><p class="western">“It's fine!” he says a little too quickly. “It's very interesting, I promise you. I could tell you padded in your other costumes, but I wasn't entirely sure how you did it till now.”</p><p class="western">“Well, now you know,” Yuuri awkwardly says. “Because that is definitely a thing you should know.”</p><p class="western">“Yes,” Viktor replies, just as awkward. “Thank you for sharing your tiddy secrets with me. I'll treasure it always.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, and then he's back to biting at his lip, like he's contemplating something with only seconds to make a decision. Viktor goes to ask him if something is on his mind when Yuuri blurts out a small, “Um. Your Sidon, by the way...”</p><p class="western">“Yes?” Viktor prompts.</p><p class="western">“You look... incredibly handsome.”</p><p class="western">Words fail him then. Viktor blinks down at Yuuri, second guessing himself. Is he hearing Yuuri right?</p><p class="western">He's – he's just complimenting the costume, isn't he?</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...”</p><p class="western">“And tall,” Yuuri hastily tags on. “Really, <em>really</em> tall. Like a real life Sidon.”</p><p class="western">Viktor grins despite himself. The height is giving him a lot of complicated feelings today, the sort he doesn't really want to think about right now, but it's still nice to be complimented by someone he admires. It's not like Yuuri knows, anyway. He doesn't mean any harm by stating the obvious.</p><p class="western">So he lifts up a foot high enough to show Yuuri his boots. The heel thuds against the table as he rests it temporarily on the little available space he has. “Thank you. It's all in the heel.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes go large. “Ooooh, boy. Those are huge.”</p><p class="western">“I know, right?”</p><p class="western">“I don't think I've worn anything that tall before.”</p><p class="western">“No? You should try it sometime. I've become quite acquainted with the ceiling as of late.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri laughs, and it has Viktor's smile widening. What a perfect sound.</p><p class="western">“So... would it be too much to ask if we could take a selfie together?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Again?” Viktor asks, unable to hide the pleasant surprise in his voice.</p><p class="western">“Yes, again. Why, are there rules somewhere saying we only get one for the whole weekend?”</p><p class="western">“No, no, just... okay, stay right there, I'm coming over.”</p><p class="western">Phone in hand, Viktor steps out from behind the table to meet Yuuri where he stands. He has to bend his knees quite a bit to fit into frame. His knees almost shake from the effort to keep himself balanced enough to stand, but he and Yuuri are able to lean in close for a proper shot.</p><p class="western">Yuuri needs extra time to get comfortable; he keeps turning his head this way and that, as though he's not satisfied with what he sees reflected back at them from Viktor's phone.</p><p class="western">“Ready?” Viktor asks when he's certain Yuuri has finally found a pose.</p><p class="western">“One second,” Yuuri murmurs. He wets his lips. And then, seconds before Viktor takes the picture, Yuuri lightly places his hand against Viktor's bicep and tilts his head as if to lay his cheek on Viktor's shoulder.</p><p class="western">“Okay, read now,” Yuuri says softly, his voice unfairly close to Viktor's cheek. Viktor nearly shivers from it.</p><p class="western">He's quick to catch himself – and he keeps his face smiling and free of any astonishment as he takes the picture.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri pulls away, he looks up at Viktor through his long, glittering falsies, and says, “Maybe... we could post this one online this time? I'd be okay with it if you are.”</p><p class="western">“Really?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. Because we look really good.”</p><p class="western">“You mean... look really good together?” Viktor clarifies.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">Jesus, take the wheel. If this is really all in his head, then he's a lot more desperate than he initially thought.</p><p class="western">“Is that okay?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Of course!” Viktor blurts out before he can stop himself. How could anyone ever say no to someone like Yuuri? It's completely out of the question. “I don't have a problem with it. I'll take any chance I can get to show you off on my Insta.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. “Show me off?”</p><p class="western">Suddenly feeling far too daring for his own good, Viktor replies back with a cheeky, “You heard me. Someone as cute as you needs to be shown off. How else with the world see how gorgeous you look right now?”</p><p class="western">“O-Oh,” Yuuri stammers.</p><p class="western">“I'll... I'll DM it to you so you can share it, too. Although don't feel pressured to do so if you don't want to. I know you're not usually one to post very much online.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. His voice is soft as he replies, “I'll post this. Promise.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's in the middle of DM'ing the picture when he hears someone call out to them, “Hello, boys!”</p><p class="western">He looks over his shoulder to see Phichit approaching. As Yue, he's clad completely in white from head to toe, aside from the black of his eyeliner and the blue accent pieces of his costume, and with large, white angel-like wings to contrast Yuuri's black and red butterfly ones.</p><p class="western">“I thought you were setting up the table,” Yuuri says to his friend. It almost sounds like a hiss, with the way it's forced between his teeth. Viktor's sure he's just imagining it, though.</p><p class="western">“I was, but now we're done, so I thought I'd come check up on you. Hey, Viktor,” Phichit says. He pats his hand on Yuuri's bare shoulder, adding with a large grin of his own, “Doesn't our Yuuri look like quite the treat today? I don't know about you, but I could just eat him up right now.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Phichit</em>,” Yuuri actually hisses this time.</p><p class="western">Okay, Viktor decides. Something is <em>definitely</em> up. There's no way this is all in his head.</p><p class="western">But how is this even possible? Yuuri said he doesn't catch feelings like this for people. Is he actually flirting? Or is he messing around?</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't know what exactly is going on, so he'll just play along with whatever game these two are clearly playing until he figures out what they're doing.</p><p class="western">“Certainly,” he says. “Be careful out there, Yuuri. Con attendees are quite a hungry bunch.”</p><p class="western">The look Yuuri gives him screams confusion. Viktor almost feels bad for the teasing.</p><p class="western">Phichit snickers at the comment. “Nice, nice. Anywaaaay, we really should be going now. Wing Squad need to reconvene before the con opens.”</p><p class="western">“'Wing Squad'?” Viktor quotes.</p><p class="western">“That's our name for today, because we all have giant wings. Lemme tell you, we hardly all fit together in the hotel room together, or the elevator. We barely fit behind our table now, either.”</p><p class="western">Viktor glances over at Yuuri and Phichit's table, shaking his head when he sees Guang Hong and Leo with equally large wings attached to their backs. They both look fantastic with their more humanized versions of Keroberos and Spinel Sun, but Phichit's right in that the wings don't give them much space behind the table to work with. That's going to be hell to deal with in a crowded convention center. Viktor sympathizes greatly as he recalls all the large and cumbersome costumes he's dared to bring to events like this.</p><p class="western">“Oh, boy. Good luck with that,” he says. “Watch each others backs so you make it through today. And I mean that literally. The odds of someone crushing those or ripping them is pretty high.”</p><p class="western">“Will do!” Hand still on Yuuri's shoulder, Phichit starts directing Yuuri in the direction of of their table, though Yuuri glances back like he doesn't want to leave quite yet.</p><p class="western">Viktor lifts a hand to wave good-bye – but is surprised when the two suddenly stop. Phichit leans in and whispers something to Yuuri. Eyes darting back and forth between Viktor and Phichit, Yuuri seems to consider whatever Phichit's saying.</p><p class="western">Yuuri turns back to face Viktor fully.</p><p class="western">“Uh, Viktor?” he says, a hopeful note to his voice.</p><p class="western">“Yes?”</p><p class="western">“What's your schedule like for today?”</p><p class="western">“Extremely busy. More so than yesterday,” Viktor answers, a touch regretfully. “Why?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's shoulders fall. Instead of explaining, Yuuri throws out a hasty, “Oh, uh. No reason. I'll see you around.”</p><p class="western">And then he's rushing back toward his table, leaving Viktor with all sorts of strange and curious feelings swirling inside him.</p><p class="western">What the fuck just happened?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. can it be?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: there's more height/body shape related dysphoria in this chaper, plus some implied mourning of Viktor's old body/way of coping with it. It's a big feature in the middle-to-end of the chapter.</p><p>The Starbucks drink Yuuri got Emil to order for Viktor is called The Pink Drink. It's basically Strawberry, Acai, and coconut milk. In case you wanted one for yourself. ; )</p><p>I have to ask – are there any older cosplaying readers here who remember following cosplayers on sites like DeviantArt, or old sites ACP? Because wow, were those ever the days. Not that DA isn't still in use, I'm sure cosplayers still use it, but nowadays it's more of a social media thing I think? (Insert BACK IN MY DAY, WE USED ART SITES TO SHARE OUR NERDY SHIT joke here).</p><p>Yuuri's cosplay list has been updated! You can check out the two newely referenced costumes here: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1336426860922744841</p><p>-</p><p>Cosplay/Random notes:</p><p>“Kurofai” is the ship name/portmanteau for Kurogane and Fai D Flowright, which are an extremely popular ship from CLAMP's manga/anime Tsubasa Resevoir Chronicle. If you're an older weeb, you've definitely seen them around.</p><p>Cons generally “end” around 8-10 at night, meaning the vendors and different alleys close down for the day, although many do have late night events or panels to attend that are often meant for the adult crowd. (Think of things like 18+ panels centered around porn or more mature media, or even panels where you read sexy adult fanfiction out loud. Yes, people do that!) At most cons, typically there are also late night dances to attend, or shows of some sort that can run long into the night as well. The last con I attended had a fantastic nerdy burlesque/drag show that lasted until almost midnight. Some cons do try to run 24 hour stuff – I've heard of at least one con having vendors open literally all day and night long – but that's not that very common and for probably very good reasons. People need to go sleep and shower!</p><p>Although I say cons “end” at a certain time, that's not to say people don't still hang around the convention center and come up with their own entertainment. If you wanna see some weird/hilarious shit, hang around after hours. People are drunk or high off life and they will do the damndest things. One time my best friend and I were hanging around and waiting for the 10 pm dance, and a bunch of teenagers found a giant rope somewhere and started playing tug-o-war in the middle of the hallway/space we were hanging around???? They were so fucking into it man, it was honestly such good and pure free entertainment</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Their earlier interaction lingers at the back of Viktor's head for rest of the morning.</p><p class="western">He does his best to keep his focus on the fans who approach his table, but there's only so much one can do when a confusing beauty like Yuuri is just down the lane from him. How is one supposed to function under conditions like this?</p><p class="western">He can't for the life of him parse out what it all meant. Why Yuuri asked him such odd questions, what Phichit was getting at with his suggestive comment.</p><p class="western">(And why Yuuri was curious about his schedule?)</p><p class="western">It's... <em>almost</em> like Yuuri is intentionally trying to flirt with him.</p><p class="western">Except there's no telling for sure. For all Viktor knows, the breast talk really was just Yuuri feeling insecure about his cosplay choices. The DM from this morning about wanting to see him today just friendly affirmation that he likes spending time with Viktor. The touch against his arm something to help keep Yuuri steady as he leaned in for a photo, and nothing more.</p><p class="western">Viktor wishes Christophe was still here, that he witnessed any of it – but he hasn't returned since dropping his stuff off at their hotel room. He had to go straight to his first shoot of the day. And Seung Gil is... well. He's here and keeping the line organized, that's for sure. But he's not a close friend. Viktor suspects he's not the type to have any sort of insight into these sorts of mixed messages, anyway.</p><p class="western">Viktor almost wishes the day were over, so he can pull Yuuri aside and just... talk to him. Openly. Plainly.</p><p class="western">Every now and then, when he has a moment to himself, Viktor leans across his table and peers down the way at Yuuri, as if observing him from afar will reveal to Viktor answers to every question he has about him. It doesn't. It never does. He can't stop himself from doing it anyway.</p><p class="western">The third time he does it, he catches Yuuri looking back.</p><p class="western">Funnily enough, when it happens, it almost feels like they're in sync. Like they're having the same thoughts, the same hesitant wondering.</p><p class="western">There's no mind reading, though. Only the constant hum of the con surrounding them as the attending crowd flows in and out of the guest alley.</p><p class="western">The fourth time Viktor looks, Yuuri smiles and waves, like they're playing some silly playground game where they have to stay in their spots and communicate from afar with nothing but their body language. Feeling a touch foolish and smitten with how absolutely cute Yuuri is, Viktor can only smile and wave back.</p><p class="western">Encouraged by the continued attention, Viktor keeps peeking over when he can.</p><p class="western">The fifth time he does, Yuuri innocently holds up his hands in the shape of a heart. Even does a cute little hand animation of it bursting apart, like it's too full of emotion for it all to be contained. It has Viktor grinning like a fool.</p><p class="western">The sixth time...</p><p class="western">The sixth time, he catches a certain someone returning to Yuuri's table, dressed in a costume Viktor assumes must be from the same series as before, given the extremely stylized make-up. He bites back a laugh as he watches Minami and Yuuri step away from the table in order to get the space they need to pose.</p><p class="western">Balanced on their tip-toes, Minami leans their back down as close to the floor as they can get, one hand pointing straight out to the phone Phichit's holding for them. Yuuri's pose is less extreme, but Viktor can't help but eye the way his hip tilts to the side, arms posed high above his head in such a way that really draws attention to the long line of his body. Like a beautiful anime fashion model.</p><p class="western">Temporarily without anyone at his table, Viktor watches the whole thing, transfixed by the oddity of their posing, enjoying how much fun the two of them are clearly having.</p><p class="western">Except, like he can sense a pair of eyes are on him, Yuuri glances Viktor's way.</p><p class="western">And then, without breaking pose or character, Yuuri slides his tongue across his bottom lip and <em>winks</em> at him.</p><p class="western">Viktor <em>gawks</em>.</p><p class="western">He apparently does it long enough for Yuuri to step behind his table and pull out his phone. He has to yank off a glove to do it, but he quickly types something on his screen.</p><p class="western">A few seconds later, Viktor's phone goes off.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Pay attention : p</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Feeling bold – and a little curious – Viktor replies with:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>To what?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wouldn't you like to know</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><em>I would, actually,</em> Viktor wants to ask. But Seung Gil clears his throat, yanking his attention away from his phone and back onto the cosplayer dressed in a black and orange volley ball uniform approaching his table. Viktor politely sets it aside and forces himself back to work.</p><p class="western">At some point Seung Gil answers a call on his cell phone and has to go again, though he promises to return at some point to see Viktor off to his next panel. Viktor waves him off, thinking he'll be fine by himself for a while. Except he then takes one look at the long line left waiting to see him, which is almost out the door of the alley, and feels a sigh building in his chest.</p><p class="western">An hour passes, and Viktor feels his throat starting to go seriously dry from the constant talking. His water bottle is long empty, and without his liaison around to grab him another while he mans the line, he's stuck having to deal with it until his next chance at another bottle.</p><p class="western">(He doesn't even have the time to run and grab a quick drink from one of the water stations way off in the corner of the room. The thing sits there, tempting him from afar.)</p><p class="western">While he's signing a Loki print for a fan, he hears his phone go off. Viktor glances at it, but sadly he's too busy to answer, so he forces it to the back burner of his mind and focuses on pleasing the young fan standing before him. It goes off a second time, but he does his best to ignore it for now.</p><p class="western">He's greeting the next fan when he realizes Yuuri is now standing next to his table.</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” he says, “can I have you for just a moment?”</p><p class="western"><em>You can have me any time of day, for however long you'd like,</em> Viktor wants to reply.</p><p class="western">“Excuse me,” Viktor apologizes to his fan before stepping aside to address Yuuri. “Is everything okay?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, I'm fine! Did you want a drink?”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks.</p><p class="western">“Emil's doing a Starbucks run,” Yuuri explains. “And I noticed your liaison isn't around. I figured maybe you'd want in?”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Viktor says. His throat suddenly feels much drier now than it has for the past sixty minutes, as if to remind him of how much worse it can get if he doesn't do something about it now. “Actually, that'd be wonderful. Thank you.”</p><p class="western">“What do you drink?”</p><p class="western">Viktor glances at the person standing at his table, sensing their growing impatience. He says, “Surprise me, I'm down for anything,” and then gets back to his work.</p><p class="western">It's almost half an hour before Emil returns with several trays worth of drinks, but he hands one to Viktor not long after.</p><p class="western">Viktor's not sure what it is. All he knows is that it's a Venti, and it's bright pink and creamy looking, with what looks like strawberries floating at the top. He eyes it curiously before taking an experimental sip.</p><p class="western">And... oh. Oh, <em>no</em>. How has he never had this before? It's bliss on his tongue, and it soothes his aching throat so well. There's no way Yuuri knew whether or not he's had this before, but he somehow knew it was exactly what he needed. It tickles him pink – or it would if it weren't for the face paint – that Yuuri knows him well enough to be able to pick something like this out for him.</p><p class="western">Leaning across his table, Viktor shouts down the lane, “Thank you!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks up from signing a print of his own, laughs, and lifts his own drink in a “cheers” gesture.</p><p class="western">Viktor wants nothing more than to run over and give Yuuri a big hug. And then maybe never, ever let go.</p><p class="western">Because this... this is exactly how it feels to be wooed, isn't it?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor can hardly believe it.</p><p class="western">A voice in his head keeps whispering to him that there's no way, he's misinterpreting everything, but another voice asserts much more loudly, <em>“there's no way this is purely platonic.”</em></p><p class="western">Is he a fool for thinking he's making it all up – or is he a bigger fool for insisting that it has to be all in his head when it's all so clear?</p><p class="western">It feels so much more evident when he finally has the chance to check his phone, on his way out from his second panel of the weekend. Seung Gil unfortunately returned to him late, so he had to rush to his panel straight from his table, leaving him no time to check it earlier. Now, there's nowhere he has to be, no one he has to talk to. He finally has the chance to see what Yuuri was trying to ask him.</p><p class="western">The first half is what Viktor expects, given Yuuri eventually came over to ask him in person.</p><p class="western">But the full message...</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey, we're getting Starbucks? Do you want some? It's on me : )</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Okay, you're talking to people way more than I am and I still feel like dying, so you must be thirsty af right now. Let me get you something? I can take care of you &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's heart feels like the wings of a hummingbird, beating powerful and endlessly to keep him afloat. And boy is he ever floating.</p><p class="western">He can easily grasp the concept of liking someone else – yearning for them so hard that it aches in his chest – but it's more surreal to think that someone might actually like him back. Weeks ago, he hoped <em>desperately</em> that it could be true. Since then, he's tried to give up on such feelings when it became apparent that the likelihood of reciprocation was extremely unlikely. Grasping that there's a chance Yuuri <em>is</em> starting to feel things towards him, Viktor's admittedly not sure what to do with himself.</p><p class="western">(Scream? Jump up and down on his dangerous heels?)</p><p class="western">He already planned on telling Yuuri sometime soon, to get it out on the table so that he can start moving on without damaging their friendship in the long run. Should he... should he tell Yuuri <em>before</em> the weekend is over? He initially wanted to wait until the con was over, to spare them any in person awkwardness when Yuuri inevitably turns him down, but if there's a chance the feelings are requited, then doesn't it make more sense to confess sooner than later?</p><p class="western">Wandering down the crowded contention hall, he pictures it in his head. The smile on Yuuri's face when he finally says the words <em>“I like you,”</em> the soul-deep comfort of a tight embrace that refuses to end, the warmth of Yuuri's words against his neck when he says, <em>“Me, too.” </em></p><p class="western">Something soft and quiet and out of a romantic movie.</p><p class="western">For once, Viktor's glad neither Chris nor Seung Gil are around to watch him drift from one dreamy thought to another, the former still at work, the latter giving him alone time until he needs to return to his table. He needs to get it out of his system – get a proper grip on himself – before he starts interacting with the public again. Before he sees <em>Yuuri</em> again.</p><p class="western">So lost in fantasy, Viktor doesn't notice himself almost walking into a group of Naruto cosplayers who are standing by the intersection of two hallways until the last second. He steps out of the way at the last second, dodging one of them before a collision can happen.</p><p class="western">“Oh! Sorry,” Viktor apologizes. Awkwardly, he gestures at his feet and says, “Uh, it's the heels. Walking in these is kind of hard.”</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, you're <em>huge</em>,” one of them blurts out loud, eyes large as they try and take all of Viktor in.</p><p class="western">The offhand comment feels like cold water being dumped on Viktor's head.</p><p class="western">He's been ignoring the unavoidable as best he can all day, but he's reminded now of how he's been towering over people all day, like some behemoth. He's suddenly much more aware of how his shark-like headgear makes him feel much wider than normal, the long tail hanging down from it swaying heavily with every move of his body. He's reminded of the extra padding on his shoulders, styled to look princely epaulets, which make him feel thicker than normal.</p><p class="western">All of it reminds him how <em>gigantic</em> he really is beyond just the extra height.</p><p class="western">“You look fucking cool!” another one says, but it might as well be in one ear and out the other.</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Viktor says, quietly. He quickly steps away and hurries as best he can down the crowded hallway.</p><p class="western">He keeps his eyes downcast in an attempt to avoid meeting anyone else's. The less he sees the awe in other peoples faces, the better. If he's quick, maybe he can get back to his hotel and take his boots off. Give himself some sort of break from... this.</p><p class="western">This.</p><p class="western">It always comes back to this, doesn't it? Some days, he's free from it. But other days...</p><p class="western">Like ice-cold droplets of water, even more realizations trickle down his being.</p><p class="western">
  <em>How am I going to hide something like this from Yuuri, if we get closer?</em>
</p><p class="western">He's confident he <em>can</em> hide it, if he wills it. He's hidden it for years, after all. Before and after the one time he confessed the forbidden out loud. It was a desperate mistake, and not something he'll make again.</p><p class="western">He'll never let himself be like that ever again.</p><p class="western">If he's careful, if he selects the right words and expressions and suppresses the rest, then it will remain with him forever. It'll be hard on days like this, where the most innocuous statements and reactions to his body feel like nails on chalkboard, but he can always avoid Yuuri on those days. Avoid even the potential of having to sit through Yuuri making his own comments. Yuuri can't accidentally hurt him if he doesn't give Yuuri the chance.</p><p class="western">Except it's already happened, hasn't it? Even Yuuri remarked on his height earlier.</p><p class="western">How can he avoid unintentional harm if there's no way of knowing when it's going to happen?</p><p class="western">... Viktor suddenly feels very, very tired.</p><p class="western">He's really walking down this old, worn road again, huh?</p><p class="western">Almost 30, and still mentally playing hide and seek, only with the goal of never being found.</p><p class="western">He glances around the venue, and abruptly, <em>intensely</em>, he envies the hell out of the other cosplayers in the building who don't have to bear this. Who only need to tear costume pieces off because they physically hurt, not because they do something to their brain that can only be relieved by escaping the costume altogether.</p><p class="western">(But what can he do when the ill-fitting costume is his own body?)</p><p class="western">Suddenly, Viktor is relieved that he's alone for a whole other reason. With a deep breath, he keeps walking.</p><p class="western">Viktor's turning down a less crowded hallway when he chances a glance up, to see where he's going so he doesn't collide with anyone in his mindless meandering. Automatically his eyes latch onto a digital screen standing next to him. It's a panel sign, the glowing letters reading:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>3:24</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <b>Next panel: Crossplay 101 with Terra Incognita Cosplay at 3:30</b>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Oh. It's Yuuri's panel.</p><p class="western">He should probably keep walking. There's no need to be in there. He doesn't crossplay anymore. He should let someone else have a seat.</p><p class="western">Except, when Viktor pokes his head into the room, it's only about half full. Which is still impressive, given the size of the space inside, but there's clearly plenty of space left for more people to wander in. The digital clock on the screen says there's still a few minutes until the panel starts, so the odds of a rush of people coming in are fairly slim by this point.</p><p class="western">Viktor's skin itches beneath the face paint as he lingers in the doorway, and his hands feel sweaty inside of his clawed gloves. Not from nerves, he hopes.</p><p class="western">He glances behind him, at the sea of people passing by him. His hotel room is still far, far away. At least a ten minute walk through the crowd, provided that it's forgiving. And he wants out of it, right now.</p><p class="western">Maybe he'll... take part of his break in here. That's okay, isn't it? He's not hungry or in need of a restroom or a bed yet. He only wants to rest his feet and forget he's stuck in this costume until later tonight. He can do that, if he's busy paying attention to someone else putting on a show. He's sure of it. Surely there's no harm in watching someone else talk about an old hobby.</p><p class="western">It's certainly not because, somewhere deep, deep down, he's still waiting to hear something he's never heard, see some reflection of himself somewhere other than a mirror, be told something no one else dares speak.</p><p class="western">It feels foolish, having hope for anything, yet he feels it building in his chest all the same, intertwining tightly with the fear.</p><p class="western">What is Viktor if not a fool?</p><p class="western">Hesitantly, he steps into the room.</p><p class="western">He hones in on a seat in the very back, way off in the corner. Few other people are sitting near there. There, he won't disturb anyone with his height, or the more unavoidable aspects of his costume.</p><p class="western">Sitting down, he looks to the front of the room. Yuuri and Phichit are standing on the stage, the former bent down to mess around with the laptop while the latter stands with his arms loosely crossed as he eyes the crowd. Viktor also spots Guang Hong and Leo nearby, manning a camera on a tripod. They're unable to sit because of their gigantic wings but they still look relatively cozy hanging out by the wall, Leo's arm loosely around Guang Hong's back.</p><p class="western">Phichit's eyes roam the crowd – and when they land on Viktor, he perks up and nudges Yuuri's shoulder. Yuuri looks up at Phichit, lips parting like he's about to say something, but at Phichit's nod, he looks over, and his eyes widen when he sees Viktor.</p><p class="western">Viktor lifts his hand up and gives a little wiggle of his fingers in an awkward wave.</p><p class="western">Yuuri seems completely flabbergasted, his eyes blinking several times as if he can't believe his own sight, but he smiles and waves back with the same silly wiggle of his fingers.</p><p class="western">“You guys can sit, you know!” someone from the audience shouts to the front.</p><p class="western">“Can't,” Phichit answers them. He shakes his body back and forth, making his wings sway along with him. “We're stuck standing until we can take these off.”</p><p class="western">“You could take them off for the panel?” someone else shouts.</p><p class="western">“These were annoying to get in,” Phichit answers with a laugh. “I'm not touching them until I have to.”</p><p class="western">“They look cool, though!”</p><p class="western">Phichit beams. “Thanks! They feel cool.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri begins to say something to Phichit, but as he does, the panel room next to them starts to pound with heavy bass, the dim hum of muffled vocals following closely behind. It honest to god sounds like there's a club party going next door.</p><p class="western">Yuuri and Phichit exchange confused looks.</p><p class="western">Phichit leans into his microphone and whispers, “Excuse me, but what the hell?”</p><p class="western">“I just checked the schedule, karaoke is next door!” Guang Hong shouts.</p><p class="western">“Nice. We get a free soundtrack.” Phichit laughs and shakes his head. “Well, might as well get started again then.”</p><p class="western">Following the cue, the doors to the room close behind their designated volunteer as they shut them off from the rest of the convention. Viktor does his best to sit still and calmly in his seat, though it's hard when it feels like his nerves are starting to fray at the edges. He knows what to expect with a panel like this, but some part of him feels like running away all the same.</p><p class="western">Nothing he can do about it now, though.</p><p class="western">He watches Yuuri hesitate, his eyes skimming over their attentive audience, but then Yuuri slides his microphone out of its mini stand, and he says into it with a surprisingly calm and steady voice, “Hello, and welcome. Gender is a party, and you're all invited.”</p><p class="western">The crowd collectively chuckles. One person lets out a very enthusiastic whoop.</p><p class="western">Phichit picks up his microphone as well, as Yuuri hits a button on the laptop, bringing their power point presentation to life. Quite literally, as a silent video is projected onto the massive screen behind them. Viktor recognizes the clips instantly: they're from an older video the two of them made for their Youtube channel, demonstrating make-up basics and male-to-female feminization tips.</p><p class="western">(He may have... watched this one a few too many times to count.)</p><p class="western">Some of the crowd chuckle and begin to whisper excitedly to each other as the screen shows even the funnier moments from the blooper version of this video that was posted to their Patreon, which includes Yuuri sneezing after powdering his face (with said powder in the container going <em>everywhere</em>), and his hand slipping comically wrong and ruining a perfectly good winged eyeliner on his mostly finished face, with a slow zoom in on Yuuri and Phichit's horrified faces.</p><p class="western">“Hi!” Phichit starts. “I'm Phichit, and this is Yuuri. We're half of Terra Incognita cosplay, and we know a little too much about makeup for our own good. But you're all in luck, because we're going to divulge our super special secrets to you in... how much time does that say? Okay, in exactly fifty minutes, with five to ten minutes at the end for any questions you might have.”</p><p class="western">“They're my secrets, mostly,” Yuuri says quietly into his microphone. Only it's anything but quiet, and there's no hiding the subtle jest in his tone. The crowd laughs again.</p><p class="western">Viktor tenses as he waits for the moment someone in the crowd says or reacts to Yuuri having a voice that doesn't match how feminine he looks right now... but the longer Viktor eyes the crowd, the more he's surprised to see that there's only smiles on everyone's faces. Even the men in the audience look eager to be here, not like they were dragged inside by friends or partners who are curious about the subject.</p><p class="western">Is everyone in the room truly here for genuine reasons?</p><p class="western">“Ooh, I see how it is,” Phichit teases right back. “All right then, maestro. Take it from here.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri noticeably side-eyes Phichit, though still with good humour. To Viktor's delight, he steps up to the plate without too much silence in between.</p><p class="western">“I guess...” Across the room, Yuuri's lock with Viktor's, for only a moment, but then his voice becomes firm with self-assurance. “The first thing some of you may be wondering is if you can do this, if this is actually possible. And the answer is yes, absolutely, you can.”</p><p class="western">Just like that, even though he's addressing the room as a whole, it feels like Yuuri is talking directly to <em>Viktor</em>. He can hardly hear Yuuri over the beating of his heart, but he tries so very hard to.</p><p class="western">“Crossplay is just one form of cosplay, and anyone can do it if they want to, no matter who you are or how you look. I've been doing this for a long time now, and while it hasn't always looked the greatest, if I can stand up here and look like this, then anyone can.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks around the crowd. Viktor watches as Yuuri's chest rises and falls with what he thinks must be a calming sigh.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri says. “So, today we're going to be focusing more on how to transform yourself into someone very feminine looking, since that's more my area of expertise. But if any of you are interested, we have videos on more masculine make-up styles on our Youtube channel as well.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Or</em>,” Phichit whispers into his mic, “you can ask the staff here to invite us back next year, and we'll do a part 2 for you.”</p><p class="western">“Or that,” Yuuri says with a snort. He hits another button on the laptop, and the looping video transitions into a proper power point slide titled: <em>Step One: Working With What You Got. </em>“All right. So, you have a face and a body. Now what?”</p><p class="western">Everyone settles in for the lecture, relaxed as Yuuri dives deep into the methods behind his art.</p><p class="western">And Viktor listens intently, thirsty for every drop of information Yuuri is willing to give.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“... And that's about it,” Yuuri concludes, almost an hour later.</p><p class="western">The final power point slide pops into place as he says this, a side by side of a much older crossplay versus a newer one.</p><p class="western">The former is a much younger Yuuri, who can't be much older than a teenager, dressed up as the goddess version of Madoka Kaname, a pink-haired magical girl with giant wings and a long, frilly white dress that shortens in the front to reveal the sparkly galaxy looking underside. It contrasts the other photo, which is of Yuuri as Morrigan from Darkstalkers, a sexually charged character Viktor has most definitely seen a lot around the con scene. The costume is mostly a black bustier-like top and purple nylons, which clings to every inch of Yuuri's body like a second pair of skin.</p><p class="western">While the Madoka crossplay is certainly ambitious and not bad by any means, especially for a cosplayer that young, it's also easy to see how far Yuuri has grown from then to his more current Morrigan, not only in the make-up and actual construction of his costume but in the way he holds himself in it. Yuuri as Madoka smiles innocently at the camera, body half turned away, while Yuuri as Morrigan smirks up like he's found prey he's ready to feast upon, body angled towards the lens like he's about to strike. The difference is night and day, and utterly amazing to see side by side.</p><p class="western">And yet, even a pic as old and imperfect as Madoka is, Viktor can't help but fawn over it all the same. He wants to wrap Yuuri up in his arms, point at the screen and say: <em>Look how far you've come! You did all of that! Look how perfect and amazing and inspirational you are!</em></p><p class="western">When he finally done obsessing over every minute detail of the two costumes, Viktor finally notices the words at the top of the slide:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Everyone starts somewhere. You can start now.</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor stares, the statement echoing in his brain as his stomach flip flops. He feels something small budding inside, something that should have been trampled, something that was left alone in the dark too long, arching towards the first rays of sunlight it's seen in years.</p><p class="western">This is dangerous. He should probably get up and leave before anything else can sprout.</p><p class="western">But he stays in in chair.</p><p class="western">Understanding the panel is close to ending, the audience begins to clap and cheer. Phichit bows theatrically to them, while Yuuri shimmies his weight from foot to foot and smiles softly back at everyone.</p><p class="western">“I guess...” Yuuri says into his mic, “we can do questions now, if there are any?”</p><p class="western">There's actually quite a few, mostly people asking for clarifications on things Yuuri said earlier in the panel, which he gracefully answers. One person even asks for make-up recommendations, which ends with Yuuri stumbling out a couple of specific products before he shakes his head at himself and says, “Y'know what, I have an extensive list posted under the video we made for this very subject. If you google our Youtube channel and 'crossplay make-up,' you'll find it. I can't remember even half of them right now to save my life.”</p><p class="western">The volunteer from the back shouts, “You have time for one more question!”</p><p class="western">One hand shoots up faster than the rest. Phichit nods at them and says, “Yes, you in the unicorn onesie?”</p><p class="western">“Hi,” they say, sounding almost out of breath with excitement. “First, love the costume. You look amazing.”</p><p class="western">“Thank you,” Yuuri quietly answers.</p><p class="western">“And second, I just wanted to know how you got into this, like, what the appeal is for you. It's not everyday you see a guy doing something like this, y'know?”</p><p class="western">The comment noticeably takes Yuuri off guard. He clears his throat and mulls the question over.</p><p class="western">“Honestly, it was kind of by accident?” Yuuri confesses. A couple people laugh at the admission out of amused sympathy. “I used to hang around DeviantArt a lot as a young teen and stare at all of these cosplayers who posted their stuff on there. I didn't even know you could dress up like this before I discovered them. I thought you could only do it for Halloween or something, and never anything to this extreme. There were some other sites around back then too, but DA was my fave because that's where my favourite cosplayer hung around the most.”</p><p class="western">At that, Yuuri's eyes flick across the room to Viktor, and... oh. Oh, Yuuri's talking about <em>him</em>.</p><p class="western">“A lot of people were crossplaying as men,” Yuuri continues, “but there was only one I found who crossplayed as women. And he was <em>so</em> good at it. I was actually surprised to learn he was a guy after I completely stalked his gallery. I followed him for years, although I was too shy to do anything except favourite all of his pics and hoard them on my desktop. I remember...” Yuuri bites his lip like he's trying not to laugh at himself. “I remember thinking he was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. No one else even came close to comparing.”</p><p class="western">It's the second time he's heard Yuuri say such a thing, but like the first time, Viktor feels the well of emotion inside of him overflowing. His eyes prickle with unshed tears. He presses his lips firmly together, and inhales deeply.</p><p class="western">“And I have no idea why,” Yuuri says, unaware of the way it's knocking away at the brick walls Viktor has built around these feelings, “but I wanted to be beautiful like that, too. He looked so happy doing it, I figured it must be the best thing ever. So I tried it once and... I guess it just sort of stuck.” Yuuri clears his throat. “Um. Yeah. That's my awkward origin story for you. I'm sorry it's not much more interesting than that.”</p><p class="western">“Noooo, it's perfect,” the person coos. “Aaaaah, that's <em>so cute</em>.”</p><p class="western">Phichit snickers into his mic. “It's certainly something.”</p><p class="western">“Shush,” Yuuri retorts.</p><p class="western">“Did you ever tell him?” someone else in the audience shout, not bothering to raise their hand.</p><p class="western">The volunteer at the back of the room is already trying to usher people out of the room, but Yuuri takes a second to answer them anyway. Although he's responding to them, his eyes are back at the corner of the room.</p><p class="western">“Sort of. But I'm sure he knows.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor spends the last ten minutes of his break inside a nearby bathroom, sitting in a stall alone, collecting whatever pieces of him are left to be put back together.</p><p class="western">It's... a lot to take in. A lot to process. There's as much joy as there is grief, and it's leaving Viktor without the strength to face anyone right now.</p><p class="western">It's never really hit him before. He's known Yuuri took inspiration from him before, but not once did it feel real. Being able to see it all on a screen, laid out bare for him, hear it from Yuuri's own mouth...</p><p class="western">What hurts the most is the want to go back to that time. The thought that, maybe, things could have been so much more different if he'd somehow met Yuuri instead. The things they could have done together. The things Viktor might not have given up on – how he could have found a way to fight for it instead.</p><p class="western">Those things feel far more lost to him now than they do found. More like he's found the bones of something once living, and there's no way to bring it back to life.</p><p class="western">Thankfully Viktor's eyes don't look too red when he finally gets up and studies himself in the mirror, and his make-up is still standing the test of time. Perfect. That's all that matters.</p><p class="western">Seung Gil looks beyond relieved to see him return to his table on time.</p><p class="western">“Where were you? I called your cell,” he says, looking Viktor up and down. “You weren't in you room, either.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Viktor says, plastering a smile back on his face, “I got caught up with a fan on my way back. I'm here, though.”</p><p class="western">“... You are,” Seung Gil concedes. “Ready to work?”</p><p class="western">“Always,” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri and his friends don't return to their table after their panel, and are nowhere to be seen for a while after that. Not that Viktor's counting the minutes. It does feel a little lonely at his table by himself, without the extra fun little games he'd been playing all morning with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">(Seung Gil's company is, admittedly, not a great replacement.)</p><p class="western">Viktor hopes wherever Yuuri is right now, he's having a great time.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Eventually, they do return. Christophe as well, a big grin on his face as they enter the alley, one of his fancy cameras hanging around his neck. Yuuri smiles at Viktor as he passes by, but he heads straight for his table along with his friends.</p><p class="western">Christophe, on the other hand, heads right for Viktor's.</p><p class="western">“Hey, friend. How are you holding up?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, you know,” Viktor says, without elaborating any further. There's no line of people waiting to see him right now for once, so he's taking the moment to actually sit down and hydrate with a whole bottle of water. He'd force down a protein bar, but he's not very hungry right now. “How's your Saturday going? Got any good pictures?”</p><p class="western">“Of course. I got some <em>amazing</em> ones in here. I was actually just at the CLAMP meet-up.” Christophe grabs the available seat next to Viktor and leans in to whisper, “Yuuri was there.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums. “He would be, yeah.”</p><p class="western">“There were a couple of Sakura's and even some Touya's there, so we got some really funny photos of them with his group. I even got a shot of Yuuri tugging on some poor Touya's arm against a Yukito.”</p><p class="western">“Wow. Sounds great.”</p><p class="western">Christophe arches his brow. “That hardly sounds enthusiastic. I thought this was your favourite anime of all time?”</p><p class="western">“It is.” Viktor sighs. “I'm just a little tired, is all. It's been a long day.”</p><p class="western">“I see,” Christophe hums. “Want me to show them to you later, then?”</p><p class="western">“Sure. Over dinner, maybe?”</p><p class="western">“Sounds good. Because I absolutely <em>have</em> to show these off at some point. Two people even got engaged, dressed up as their favourite CLAMP ship. I'm sadly not familiar with the pairing. Phichit was saying something like 'kurofai' or whatever, but I'm not sure I heard him right. Anyway, they were the cutest pair. You could probably hear the screaming all the way from here, it was so loud.”</p><p class="western">The corner of Viktor's lips lift. “I'll bet. Congrats to them.”</p><p class="western">Christophe eyes him, a frown slowly forming, but someone approaches Viktor's table before he can say whatever is on his mind. With a polite smile, Viktor stands up and greets them, and gets back to the one thing about his life that makes sense.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The crowd finally starts to wean by the time 8:30 hits and the main parts of the con begin closing down for the day. There's of course people still hanging around, trying to do what they can before vendors and guests leave, but most people have already left to go find entertainment elsewhere, or a late dinner, or go rest in their hotel rooms. The late night, adult panels are still an hour or more away, and the more family friendly ones are starting to end.</p><p class="western">Viktor is tidying up his table, making it presentable for tomorrow, when he suddenly gets the feeling he isn't alone. He glances up, prepared to take on one last fan for the night, but he pauses when he realizes it's Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Even after a long day, he still looks impeccable. Not a single smudge in his make-up, not a hair out of place, not a drop of sweat. Either he tidied himself up sometime between his panel or now, or Yuuri has really good luck.</p><p class="western">All the feelings he's accumulated throughout the day – the fear, the hope, the intense love – swirl in Viktor's belly as he looks at Yuuri, and it leaves him momentarily breathless from their intensity.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor eventually says back.</p><p class="western">“Um. Thanks for coming to the panel earlier. I wasn't expecting that.”</p><p class="western">“I could tell,” Viktor answers. “It was good. Really good. Everyone loved it.”</p><p class="western">“Y'think? I'm sure someone got bored...”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles and shakes his head. “Not from where I was sitting.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. One gloved hand rubs up and down his arm as he seems to consider his next words.</p><p class="western">Watching him, Viktor wonders if maybe... is now the time to ask? Not to confess, this is most certainly not the place or time for it, but could he ask for some space to talk? He's sure Yuuri's not going to bed anytime soon. And if today has taught him anything, it's that he can't take much more of this. He needs to get whatever this is out into the open and find out where it's going, or ending, before he does something embarrassing like cry in public or start ripping his hair out.</p><p class="western">Because as much as he thinks Yuuri might truly return his feelings after all, there's always a sliver of doubt.</p><p class="western">So, quietly, Viktor resigns himself to whatever may be, and he opens his mouth to say something. Only Yuuri beats him to the chase.</p><p class="western">“Are you busy tonight?”</p><p class="western">“... No,” Viktor answers. “I'm free after I'm done here. What's up? You guys going out for dinner again?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “Actually... the dance is in about a little more than an hour. We go every year. It's kind of our thing. And I was wondering... if you wanted to come with us?”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks, taken off guard. Before he has the chance to respond, Yuuri corrects himself.</p><p class="western">“No. Not with us. With <em>me</em>. Do you wanna come with me?”</p><p class="western">“Like...” Viktor starts, then stops, scared to say the word aloud.</p><p class="western">Yuuri finishes it for him. “Like a date?”</p><p class="western">The gears in Viktor's head stop completely. Like a date. <em>Like a date.</em></p><p class="western">“Unless you don't want to,” Yuuri hastily throws out, but Viktor shakes his head.</p><p class="western">“No, no, I'll come! I'd love to go with you.”</p><p class="western">“Oh.” A smile breaks out over Yuuri's face. “Okay. I gotta go clean up, but I guess... come meet me at my room later? We can go down together?”</p><p class="western">Viktor feels like he's floating from one word to the next. Is this really happening? Did Yuuri actually mean those words? There's no mistaking this, is there?</p><p class="western">“Sure,” he says. “Sounds good.”</p><p class="western">“Cool. I'll see you later, then.”</p><p class="western">Viktor watches Yuuri leave, his thoughts trailing behind him, still trying to catch up with him in the present.</p><p class="western">He's going on a date with Yuuri?!</p><p class="western">(Well. At least he has time to shower this time.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. move with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I hope everyone has had a good holiday and has stayed safe! I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer than planned, I wanted to take my time with this one. The next one might be the same.</p><p>Here's your official Con (K-pop) Dance Chapter Song List! Here's every song referenced in this chapter, in order of appearance. Feel free to listen along:</p><p>Smack That – Akon, featuring Eminem</p><p>The Boys – Girls' Generation</p><p>BOOMBAYAH – BLACKPINK</p><p>Crazy - 4Minute</p><p>BANG BANG BANG – Big Bang</p><p>Gee – Girl's Generation</p><p>Hello Bitches – CL</p><p>Not Today – BTS</p><p>Never Ever - GOT7</p><p> </p><p>Have a good new year, everyone!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“I'm freaking out!” Yuuri shouts from the bathroom. He has to, because Phichit is blaring loud K-pop from his laptop in an effort to jump start 'the mood,' as he keeps putting it.</p><p class="western">(It was originally early 2000s hits, until Yuuri heard Phichit loudly – and badly – singing, <em>“Smack that, all on the floor! Smack that, give me some more!”</em> and had to put an end to it immediately. There's setting a mood for the night, and then there's <em>that</em>.)</p><p class="western">“Why? He said yes, didn't he?” Phichit shouts back. He appears a moment later in the doorway, partially in his Yue cosplay, only with white mini jean shorts and a matching skin-tight tank top instead of the actual costume itself. His long, white wig has been tied into a loose pony tail at the nape of his neck, a bare minimum attempt to prevent too many tangles from happening tonight. Silver and blue glitter sparkle high on his cheeks, bursting with mini reflections of light when he moves. Over all, it's a much more casual and comfortable outfit for a scene as literally hot as a dance.</p><p class="western">Yuuri, on the other hand, made the decision long ago to keep most of his original costume on for the dance, no matter how hot the latex of his corset and gloves is going to make him. The only difference between now and thirty minutes ago, aside from the quick, head-avoiding shower he took to refresh himself as best he could, is the swap he made for his lower half. Instead of a long skirt and nude tights, he's wearing the short, frilly skirt he made weeks ago, and a pair of black fishnet tights.</p><p class="western">It will be a lot easier to move around the way he wants to with less fabric in the way.</p><p class="western">And, hopefully, more appealing to watch as well.</p><p class="western">Although... the more Yuuri stares at himself in the mirror, the more he wonders if he still has too much on. Aside from a few places, most of him is covered up. He doesn't want to take too much off and ruin the Ruby Moon illusion, but on the other hand, would less end up being more? Does that even make sense? He wants Viktor's attention on him while they're down there. Preferably, he wants it as soon as Viktor arrives at his hotel door. But how the hell does he accomplish that?</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” Phichit says when Yuuri remains quiet. “You okay?”</p><p class="western">“I dunno,” Yuuri finally admits. He's breathing deep and heavy, controlled, like he's in the middle of running a marathon. Only it doesn't feel awful like it normally does, like he's about to spiral into panic. He actually feels really, really good right now. But he also feels confused. Like he doesn't know what to do with himself now that he's approaching the finish line. “I think I'm overthinking things again. I was brave earlier, but maybe I'm running out of steam.”</p><p class="western">“Everything will be fine. It's gonna be a good night. I can feel it in my bones,” Phichit assures him, bopping his head along to the music playing in the background. A bubbly pop song from years ago that makes Yuuri want to bounce along to it, too. It sings from the sitting room: <em>Bring the boys out. Yeah, you know. B-Bring the boys out.</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying his best not to bite at his newly glossed lips. He didn't spend the last ten minutes touching up his make-up to mess it up minutes before Viktor arrives.</p><p class="western">“I hope so,” he says.</p><p class="western">“Dude. He said <em>yes</em>. And you said he said the word 'date,' right? We all know what this is. You don't have to doubt yourself like this.”</p><p class="western">That's the problem, though. Yuuri can't help it.</p><p class="western">He reaches for his tube of mascara, feeling the urge to do something with his appearance. A hand gently stops him before he can open the tube. He glances up at Phichit, who is shaking his head.</p><p class="western">“You probably shouldn't do that, buddy. Anymore, and your lashes are going to stick to your falsies so badly they might not come off without you ripping them out.”</p><p class="western">“But I don't know if I'm ready,” Yuuri sheepishly admits. “Something's not right with how I look, but I have no idea what. Everything <em>looks</em> right, but I don't feel right.”</p><p class="western">He says this quietly. He knows Phichit can barely hear him over the music, but Phichit's expression softens all the same, and he offers his friend a small smile.</p><p class="western">“Here,” he says, “lemme help you out. I know just what you need. First things first, let's take this thing off.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks, and then realizes Phichit's talking about his collar.</p><p class="western">“Too much?” he asks.</p><p class="western">“Only in this context,” Phichit replies, carefully unclasping it in the back and laying it down on the bathroom counter to be picked up later. “There, way better. Now we can see that sexy neck of yours. Speaking of, where's your glitter? It's not a dance without glitter.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, over in that bag...”</p><p class="western">There's not too much time left. Yuuri can feel the seconds ticking by like a stranger tapping impatiently on his shoulder, but Phichit takes his time digging out the adhesive and one of the many mini bottles of glitter from Yuuri's collection.</p><p class="western">Phichit expertly pats brilliant gold flecks on the top of Yuuri's cheeks, carefully placing just the right amount on to draw attention to the natural shape of Yuuri's cheeks and eyes without overdoing it and creating a mess on his already finished face. The light patting feels almost soothing, like the steady beat of a calm heart. Yuuri closes his eyes and allows someone else take control of the process for once. He trusts Phichit not to steer him wrong.</p><p class="western">When Phichit's done, he steps back and gently tilts Yuuri's face from one side to the other, examining him. Yuuri thinks he's done, but before he has the chance to say anything, Phichit holds up a finger an says, “One more second. I'm gonna do a thing.”</p><p class="western">“A thing?”</p><p class="western">“Shhh. Trust me on this.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shivers as more cool adhesive is applied along his collarbone. Phichit pats more glitter along the twin lines below his neck, leaving the space dipping in the middle free.</p><p class="western">“It's not too much?” Yuuri asks, worry in his voice. Phichit shakes his head.</p><p class="western">“No way. You totally want Viktor looking here. Think how dark it's going to be down there. It's going to direct so much attention to all this skin.”</p><p class="western">“To my flat chest?” Yuuri asks with an arched brow. He's not exactly sure what would be appealing about the skin <em>above</em> the part everyone obsesses over. He doesn't even have the parts people adore.</p><p class="western">“Viktor is totally into it,” Phichit asserts. “He's into you, isn't he?”</p><p class="western">“Maybe. Probably?”</p><p class="western">Phichit shoots him a look. “Oh no, none of that. Keep your chin up. Play your cards right, and he could be yours by the end of the night.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nearly shivers again at the thought.</p><p class="western">He wants Viktor so badly.</p><p class="western">After one last glance over, Phichit declares that they're done. Yuuri studies himself in the mirror. He has to admit, the small changes are a big improvement. Enough skin is showing to suggest nudity, especially with the only thing covering his torso being a skin-tight corset, and what is showing has the added benefit of gold flakes to shimmer when he moves.</p><p class="western">He looks ready to attend a club – and seduce someone into his bed.</p><p class="western">(Please don't let him trip in his heels in front of Viktor and fall on his ass. He's kept up a certain allure all day. He has to keep it going. Prove he can be as desirable as any other human being on the planet. Prove that he can be <em>worth</em> it.)</p><p class="western">“Are you guys ready yet?” Phichit shouts to the others over the music. Yuuri follows him back into the bedroom half of the suite, but they're taken aback by the sight of Guang Hong and Leo lying lazily on their bed. Their costumes have been discarded on the floor, and they're snuggling atop the covers in their much comfier onesies, Leo in a Winnie the Pooh one and Guang Hong in a Rilakuuma.</p><p class="western">“Uh,” Phichit says, “'Onesie Sunday' isn't until tomorrow, guys. Are you going like that?”</p><p class="western">“Not going,” Guang Hong says around a bit of left over pizza.</p><p class="western">“We're kind of tired,” Leo elaborates. “We figured we'd hang around here, maybe nap until you guys get back.”</p><p class="western">The look Phichit gives Yuuri can only be described as “Wow. Much surprise. Who knew.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shrugs back, not sure what to say. It's not the first time Guang Hong and Leo have wanted alone time at a con. It's not usually a problem, so long as they're warned ahead of time so they don't walk in on anything more private.</p><p class="western">“All right,” Phichit says, “but not on my bed, okay?”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong chokes on his pizza.</p><p class="western">Leo flushes. “We're not...”</p><p class="western">“Sure, sure,” Phichit laughs. “But we're still drinking when we get back, right?”</p><p class="western">“Of course,” Leo says. “We'll have everything ready for you when you get back.”</p><p class="western">“Nice. Because I am so ready to get completely fucking hammered tonight.”</p><p class="western">“Not sure if we should get <em>that</em> drunk, all things considered,” Yuuri points out, but Phichit's already sauntering over to the fridge to pull a wine cooler out. He chugs half of it back before offering it to Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Want some?”</p><p class="western">“I shouldn't.”</p><p class="western">“Scared 'drunk Yuuri' might show up?”</p><p class="western">“You know that's exactly the reason,” Yuuri sighs. Drunk Yuuri knows how to have a good time, but Sober Yuuri also wants to be in control of himself tonight. Better not scare Viktor off with that level of... intensity.</p><p class="western">(Not to mention that once he starts, he often doesn't like to stop.)</p><p class="western">Phichit snickers. “You won't get drunk off half a cooler, I promise. Besides, you're looking a little tense, buddy. It might help you loosen up a bit before your date arrives.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's stomach flip flops at the word “date,” a cocktail of nerves and anticipation stirring in his belly. Well. Maybe a little couldn't hurt. If he's careful, maybe he'll have all the benefits of an uninhibited Yuuri on the dance floor, and none of the embarrassing messiness that will make Viktor block him on every social media site imaginable.</p><p class="western">He begins to seriously consider the offer when a knock at the door halts the conversation in its place. Yuuri and Phichit freeze on the spot, staring at each other like lightning has struck them both.</p><p class="western">The playlist on Phichit's laptop chooses then to switch over to a new song. In contrast to the last tune, this one has a heavy, heart-pounding beat, and sultry vocals. It feels like the lead up to something big.</p><p class="western">“<em>Been a bad girl, I know I am. And I'm so hot, I need a fan.”</em></p><p class="western">Phichit's eyes light up the second he recognizes the song. He grabs Yuuri's wrist, leading him out of the kitchenette. Walking backwards, he mouths to Yuuri along the way:</p><p class="western">“<em>I don't wanna boy, I need a man.”</em></p><p class="western">“Stop!” Yuuri hisses, but he can't help but laugh, giddiness suddenly bubbling through him like champagne freshly poured into a tall glass. Viktor's here. This is really happening! They're going to dance the night away together, and have fun, and, and, and...</p><p class="western">Sucking in his next breath, Yuuri's sweaty, gloved hands unlocks the hotel door, opens to the door to what is hopefully his destiny.</p><p class="western">Viktor's staring down at his feet, working his lip between his teeth.</p><p class="western">He's here – really, honestly here. For Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks normal in his navy blue shirt and jeans, but no less attractive for it. And his bangs, which normally hang over half his face like a mysterious silver curtain has been coiffed off to the side. It adds interest and volume, especially with the way his hair is layered over itself as it's pushed back from his face. Honestly, it's sexy as hell.</p><p class="western">But maybe not quite as sexy as being able to see all of Viktor's face so clearly.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes shoot up at the sound of the door. Their eyes meet at the same level – right, of course, because of Yuuri's heels – and Viktor's lips fall apart as he takes Yuuri in.</p><p class="western">“Oh,” he exhales. “Wow. You look...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles back, eager to hear the rest of that sentence.</p><p class="western">“Absolutely delicious, right?” Phichit teases over Yuuri's shoulder, disrupting whatever Viktor might have said next. Yuuri barely resists the urge to turn and shove Phichit out of frame.</p><p class="western">“Ah, yeah. Absolutely,” Viktor agrees. He laughs softly at himself. “I actually feel a little under dressed right now.”</p><p class="western">“No, no, you're fine! Completely fine,” Yuuri says. He swallows thickly. “You look <em>really</em> good.”</p><p class="western">“Thanks. You're taller,” Viktor notes, glancing down at Yuuri's high heels. And then his eyes get stuck down there, caressing the length of Yuuri's shapely dancer legs. Yuuri can feel the heat of them over his skin, and is suddenly very, very happy with himself that he remembered to pack the fishnets for this trip.</p><p class="western">“Uh, yeah, I am. Not as tall as you were earlier,” Yuuri says, “but definitely tall<em>er</em>.” Wait, is that a bad thing? Does Viktor want to be 'the tall one' in... whatever this is? Yuuri stammers out a quick, “Should I take the heels off? Does it bother you? I can take them off, I have flats somewhere.”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks, looks up at Yuuri like he's just remembered he's standing there in Yuuri's doorway and is supposed to be having a conversation. “What? Oh, no, you don't have to do that. Actually, it's kinda nice. Usually I'm looking down at people, but I like we're the same height right now.”</p><p class="western">“Oh. Okay.” Not sure what else he's supposed to do next, Yuuri steps back and says in a slightly shaky voice, “Um, do you want to come in? We still have some time before we have to go.”</p><p class="western">“Sure. Sounds good.” Viktor glances down the hallway first, like he's looking for something, but he comes inside without a fuss, stepping out of the way so Yuuri can close the door behind him.</p><p class="western">“Want a drink?” Phichit offers. He wiggles the cooler in his hand. “We're downing a few before we get going.”</p><p class="western">“You are?” Viktor asks, sounding surprised.</p><p class="western">“He is,” Yuuri clarifies. “I'm not sure we've gone to a dance completely sober since we were too young to legally drink.”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins around the opening of his drink. “We have plenty, if you're interested.”</p><p class="western">“There's jello shots in the fridge!” Yuuri hears Leo shout from the bedroom.</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow lifts up.</p><p class="western">Phichit laughs. “Ah, ha! I know interest when I see it. C'mere, big boy. Let's get you set up.”</p><p class="western">There's several small batches in the fridge, little plastic containers with a few different flavours that Leo made the night before with the newly bought liquor they brought from home. Phichit notices Viktor eyeing the blue ones in particular.</p><p class="western">“These are blue raspberry,” he says with a nod towards them. “And I think the red ones are strawberry. But if you don't like shots, we have some wine coolers, beer, or I could mix you something?”</p><p class="western">“A blue raspberry shot sounds good,” Viktor says. He accepts one Phichit hands over to him with a small “thanks.”</p><p class="western">Phichit quickly downs the rest of his cooler, and then grabs a strawberry one for himself without missing a beat. He nods at Yuuri. “Still don't want one?”</p><p class="western">“... Yeah. Yeah, I kinda do,” Yuuri admits. It's not a dance without glitter <em>or</em> a little liquor in his blood. One or two won't do any harm, so he grabs a strawberry one for himself.</p><p class="western">“Bottoms up!” Phichit declares.</p><p class="western">The three of them tilt their heads back and down their shots in one go. Yuuri's eyes are closed as he does so, but when he opens them again, they go immediately to Viktor. He catches the bob of Viktor's Adam's apple as he swallows his. His eyes follow the motion all the way down, where he finally notices the deep dip of Viktor's navy blue v-neck.</p><p class="western">Oh... Is <em>this</em> why Phichit said it was a good idea for him to show off a little extra skin there? Because he is absolutely noticing Viktor's. He eyes the sharp lines of Viktor's collar bone, traces over the natural highlight and shadow of Viktor's utterly real chest from where it peeks out at the bottom of his plunging collar.</p><p class="western">The music continues to sing behind them. <em>“I know you wanna touch, like, touch, touch touch.”</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri tries to picture resting his hand there, perhaps when they're dancing, while they're pressed close together, where he'll feel the natural heat of Viktor's body against him... and he immediately has to reach for another shot.</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor gasps, “another one?”</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm,” Yuuri hums, tipping back the second one without waiting.</p><p class="western">“<em>Druuunk Yuuuuuuri</em>,” he hears Phichit whisper in awe.</p><p class="western">“Just for that,” Yuuri says, setting the empty container down on the counter, suddenly eager to prove a point, though to who, he doesn't know, “I'm doing one more.”</p><p class="western">“Yes!” Phichit nearly shrieks. “Tonight is going to be <em>wild.</em>”</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow furrows. “Careful, Yuuri. Just because you aren't feeling it now doesn't mean you won't later. It'll be a while before it dissolves into your system.”</p><p class="western">“I'm not a light weight,” Yuuri reassures him, smacking his lips. The sweetness of the artificial blue raspberry flavouring lingers pleasantly on his tongue, feels cool as it goes all the way down. It almost makes him want a fourth. But he's still sober, and soon he'll be out there in public with Viktor, so he knows better than to go for another. “This will only get me buzzed at best.”</p><p class="western">The line between Viktor's brow relaxes. “Well, okay then.”</p><p class="western">“You, too.” Phichit says, nudging a second shot towards Viktor's hand. “Drink up.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “Thanks, but I'm good. We should probably get going soon. I'm sure there's a line-up to get in by now.”</p><p class="western">Phichit glances at the clock hanging above the mini stove. “Shit, you're right. We're gonna be late if we wait any longer.” He heads straight into the bedroom, where Yuuri hears him teasing with a particularly loud voice, “Behave while we're gone. No funny stuff!”</p><p class="western">“No promises,” Leo answers back just as loudly, before breaking out into laughter as Yuuri hears what he assumes is the sound of a thwapping pillow.</p><p class="western">“They're not coming?” Viktor asks as they begin heading out.</p><p class="western">“Naaaah,” Phichit says, messing around with his phone. He doesn't normally vlog at dances with an actual camera; too much physical activity, not enough good light, and way too much of a risk factor of something happening to the camera itself. “They want some <em>alone time</em>. Y'know, couple stuff and all that.”</p><p class="western">“Ah,” Viktor says, sounding neutral. “So, going to vlog the dance?”</p><p class="western">“You know it. Hey, you guys don't mind if I catch any of your moves on here, do you? I promise I won't show anything too private.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wants to say he's bothered by Phichit's usual over-documenting, but he thinks of how their thousands of fans would react to see him dancing with Viktor, claiming him in such an obvious and physical way... and he's surprised to find out that he's actually kind of <em>into</em> the idea of showing off how much closer he is to Viktor than anyone else watching them are.</p><p class="western">Holy shit. Does he has a possessive side? He did not see that one coming.</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs. “I'm fine with it. I can't promise my dancing is very exciting to watch, though.”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins, pleased with the answer. “Oh, I'm sure it's exciting enough. But don't worry, I swear it won't be ten minutes of you two grinding on each other. I just like showing the whole dance scene, so it's like our audience is there with us. I'm going to be mostly hanging with Mila and Sara anyway. You guys can have all the alone time you could ever want.”</p><p class="western">“Good,” Yuuri finds himself blurting out before he can catch himself. Viktor looks at him, surprise flashing across his face, but Yuuri turns away before the moment can turn into anything awkward.</p><p class="western">They turn a corner and find Christophe hanging about the elevators. He's checking himself out in a nearby shoulder-level mirror, messing around with his hair to get it to sit right on his head.</p><p class="western">Phichit does a double take when they realize it's him. “Heeeeeey, stranger. What are you doing here?”</p><p class="western">Christophe glances their way, a slow smirk spreading across his lips. “Oh, you know. Hanging around for no reason at all. Don't you two look ravishing as always. Where are you beauties headed?”</p><p class="western">“Uh huh,” Phichit, sounding like he doesn't believe a word of it. “We're heading down to the dance.”</p><p class="western">“Really? What a coincidence, so am I,” Christophe purrs. “Shall I escort you?”</p><p class="western">Phichit eyes him for a moment before he holds out his arm for the offering. Christophe twines his around Phichit's, and they lead the way into the next empty elevator.</p><p class="western">“When was the last time you even attended a dance?” Yuuri hears Phichit whisper to Christophe.</p><p class="western">“Many, many moons ago,” Christophe whispers back. “But I couldn't miss out on this one.”</p><p class="western">The bottom floor is <em>packed</em> with attendees when they step out. Some still in full cosplay, others in outfits made for a hot, dark room filled with pounding music. Somewhere nearby, someone blasts popular anime opening music from an old fashioned boom box, which draws a crowd.</p><p class="western">Like earlier, the four of them keep close to each other as they weave through the crowd, hands gripping the edges of shirts so as not to lose each other. They're barely a few feet from the elevators when teenagers dressed like Naruto characters race across their path, bodies hunched down and arms stretched out behind them, their laughter somehow louder than the rest of the con scene. Phichit manages to catch the whole thing on his phone, of course.</p><p class="western">“People still do that?” Christophe asks, flabbergasted as he watches them swerve down the lobby and disappear into the masses.</p><p class="western">“I don't think people ever stopped,” Phichit says with a snort. “C'mon, don't tell me you're too good for Naruto running. Everyone has done it at least once.”</p><p class="western">“Sadly, it was never a phase I had.” Christophe nods in Viktor's direction. “This one, on the other hand...”</p><p class="western">Viktor clears his throat, and avoids eye contact. Yuuri bites his lip against a smile.</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, the gazebo is <em>still</em> occupied,” Phichit complains as they pass by the infamous structure. Yuuri glances over and sees a Voltron group still inside, posing for one of many photographers that hang about the area. Even more people are hanging around the area, waiting for their turn to sneak inside before anyone else can beat them to it.</p><p class="western">“Trying to get photos in there?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“Trying being the keyword here,” Phichit sighs. “At this rate, we never will.”</p><p class="western">“Give it time,” Viktor replies. “People have to go to bed at some point.”</p><p class="western">“What, at Duetto Con?” Phichit retorts with a laugh. “Very likely.”</p><p class="western">The dance is a few hallways away from the lobby, in one of the main event rooms. Although no one is being let in yet and the large twin doors are still closed, music already pulses inside, enticing those waiting outside to come in. Drawn to the impending excitement, a long line-up of attendees stretches all the way from the door and down the nearest hallway.</p><p class="western">“Oh no,” Phichit says when they reach the end of it. He looks up and down at all the people ahead of them. “You know what I forgot?”</p><p class="western">“What?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Fucking glow sticks! I can't believe I forgot that of all things. They're still in our suitcase.”</p><p class="western">“Wait a second...” Christophe says, leaning over to peer ahead of them. “I think we can solve this.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri leans over to look as well, and he spots two con volunteers walking up and down the line with large trays filled unsnapped glow sticks and a small metal case, presumably for money. They even have several snapped ones hanging around their neck and wrists, and because of the dim hallway lighting, they still glow relatively brightly.</p><p class="western">Christophe waves one person down. She skips down to them as quickly as she can.</p><p class="western">“Interested?” she asks.</p><p class="western">“Very,” Christophe replies.</p><p class="western">Phichit reaches for his wallet in his back pocket, but Christophe stops him.</p><p class="western">“I got this,” he says.</p><p class="western">Phichit's brow rises, but he shrugs it off and lets the other man cover it.</p><p class="western">Viktor gently nudges Yuuri's side. “Want some, too?”</p><p class="western">“I didn't bring my wallet,” Yuuri answers. His ID has been stuffed down the back pocket of Phichit's shorts in the slight chance he needs it, but that's all he brought with him.</p><p class="western">“My treat,” Viktor says with a smile.</p><p class="western">Yuuri thinks it over. “Okay,” he says. “But only if you get some, too.”</p><p class="western">“Deal.”</p><p class="western">It turns out the glow sticks are fairly cheap, so Viktor ends up buying quite a few, at least several of every colour available. While they wait for the doors to open, they snap and crack the stiff plastic, shaking and working it between their hands until they glow neon and bright.</p><p class="western">Yuuri settles with wearing a few around his gloved wrists, smiling at the way the colours bounce off the shiny black material. But when it comes to Viktor, Yuuri urges him to wear his around his neck.</p><p class="western">“Why there?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“No reason,” Yuuri lies. He helps attach several together into two rainbow necklaces and circles them around Viktor's bare neck. They rest there cozily, only slightly bigger than a collar. For once, Yuuri wishes he weren't wearing gloves, if only so he could feel the brush of Viktor's skin against his own as he helps Viktor put them on.</p><p class="western">There's still a couple of extra glow sticks left over that don't quite make another necklace, so Viktor makes a smaller circle with them and sits it on his head like a glowing circlet. He gives his head a shake to see if it falls off, but to both of their delight, it stays in place.</p><p class="western">Viktor strikes a silly pose. “How do I look?”</p><p class="western">“Perfect,” Yuuri answers, laughing.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes squint happily with the strength of his smile. “Not as perfect as you do right now.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's insides feel like they're melting into something as sweet and delectable as chocolate hugging and dripping off fruit. A whole day of flirting like this... how do regular people do this all the time? He doesn't know how he's going to make it through two hours of dancing without going wild. They aren't even inside yet, and already Yuuri wants to touch and hang off of Viktor like the fanboy he is. His body itches for it like something fierce. Like it's the only thing that will settle him down.</p><p class="western">He almost reaches for Viktor's hand, which hangs by his side, but Yuuri manages to keep his hands to himself. Out of respect, he tells himself.</p><p class="western">Yuuri notices Phichit glancing behind him, smiling at the two of them like he's witnessing the birth of something amazing. Except he's not the only one. Christophe is also looking back at them, smirking to himself again. Phichit and Christophe notice each other doing this. Yuuri watches as the two of them quietly exchange confused looks that slowly evolve into astonishment. Before Yuuri even has a chance to ask what has transpired, Phichit's grabbing Christophe's arm and tugging him a few inches away from him and Viktor, leaning in close to whisper.</p><p class="western">...Yuuri decides not to ask.</p><p class="western">Not that there's much time to, because soon the doors at the front finally open, and the line begins to move.</p><p class="western">“Yes! Finally!” Phichit's nearly bouncing on his feet. “I just need to dance right now, you know?”</p><p class="western">“Don't I know it,” Christophe agrees.</p><p class="western">The music gets louder and louder the closer they get, until Yuuri can practically feel it throbbing in his veins. Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the liquor finally hitting his system, but Yuuri burns with the need to <em>dance</em>.</p><p class="western">As soon as they cross the threshold from the dimly lit con hallway into the thick darkness of the dance room and it's swirling coloured lights, Yuuri throws caution to the wind and grabs Viktor's hand, hauling him straight out onto the dance floor.</p><p class="western">“Ah, Yuuri!” Viktor gasps, helpless to follow after him. His hand clings tightly to Yuuri's, like he's scared if he lets go he'll lose Yuuri in the growing crowd.</p><p class="western">Yuuri squeezes back, refusing to ever let that happen.</p><p class="western">After finding a spot he likes, Yuuri reaches for Viktor's other hand. Viktor's fingers intertwine with his, but there's a feeling of panic in there that Yuuri can sense. Yuuri remembers then that it's been a long time since Viktor has been to one of these events – and that, maybe, he's feeling a little out of place.</p><p class="western">A new song starts. The woman singing taunts,<em> “Yeah, I'm the female monster! You know that. Everybody let's get crazy right now!”</em></p><p class="western">“Yuuri, I have no idea what song this even is!” Viktor shouts over the music.</p><p class="western">“It's K-pop!” Yuuri shouts back, like it's the only explanation Viktor needs.</p><p class="western">This one happens to be one of Yuuri's personal favourites. He and Phichit love to play it while getting dressed up in their costumes, and especially for dances. It feels comfortable and confidence-boosting, like slipping on a silky set of lingerie made just for him, and Yuuri is more than eager lose himself in it. He doesn't even have to think about finding his groove; his hips are already rolling to the seductive rhythm.</p><p class="western">He knows it must look as enticing to watch as it is to do, because Viktor's eyes are completely on him the whole time, bouncing from Yuuri's face to his hips to his legs and all around again.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't mind. He loves it, in fact. What he <em>does</em> mind is that Viktor isn't moving yet.</p><p class="western">He steps in closer, hands leaving Viktor's to firmly plant themselves on his hips. He can almost feel Viktor startle at the sudden, unexpected contact. But he doesn't move away or shove Yuuri's hands off him. Rather, his arms go around Yuuri's shoulders, as if to hold him close. Even though they're about eye-level, Viktor's head ducks a little, like he's someone smaller, someone delicate, someone to be protected from whatever worries are twisting inside him right now.</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles reassuringly at him. They're here to have fun. And fun is what they're going to have, if Yuuri has anything to say about it.</p><p class="western">“C'mon!” he shouts. “Move with me. Follow my lead.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hesitates again, but as Yuuri continues to sway to the music, his hands gently press at Viktor's hips, guiding him along. Slowly, Viktor begins to move with Yuuri's urging, until he doesn't need the extra push. Grinning, Yuuri releases Viktor from his touch and raises his arms to play with his wig hair, lifting heavy bunches of it up before letting it fall against him in a long river of pink.</p><p class="western">“Holy shit,” Yuuri thinks he hears Viktor says. It certainly looks like what he just said.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's grin widens.</p><p class="western">He then leaves Viktor to find the rest of his own rhythm as he gives into the need to move. He closes his eyes and lets the music crash through him. If there's one thing in life he understands, it's this. Following along to a steady and predictable beat, utilizing every inch of his body to express the parts of him that can't be said in words. He doesn't mind who sees him like this. If there's ever any part of him he wants people to see, it is this.</p><p class="western">And he especially wants Viktor to see.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri opens his eyes again, he's pleased to the core to see Viktor's eyes are still on him. So much so, it's like Viktor's forgetting he's also supposed to also be letting loose. It's cute, though. Being so enamoured that he's forgetting where he is and what he's supposed to be doing. The look on his face reminds Yuuri much of the way Viktor looked up at him when Yuuri boldly climbed up on the judges table. Only this time, Viktor can participate if he wants.</p><p class="western">He sure hopes that Viktor wants to.</p><p class="western">The song ends, and a new one begins. This one slaps even harder, the music rough and intense like pounding drums. It hits the room hard, and in the blink of an eye people are jumping, throwing their arms up in the air and nodding their head like they're at a rock concert. Yuuri follows along, laughing at the way his skirt bounces explosively against his legs with each enthusiastic jump.</p><p class="western">Poor Viktor still looks utterly lost, like an adorably confused puppy. To Yuuri's delight, he goes with it anyway. It's a little stilted at first, like Viktor's not certain of his own body and its capabilities, but it's not long before it heats up into something more loose and natural. He's begins to smile as well, and his cheeks warm with colour as he finally finds himself. Viktor pumps his arm up in the air like he doesn't give a shit about anything, and the loose strands of his bangs whip wildly around his face as he moves without inhibition.</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help but stare, mesmerized by the transformation. <em>This</em> is a Viktor who does what he wants without a care in the world, and it's breathtaking.</p><p class="western">“<em>Bang, bang, bang!</em>” the crowd chants as the chorus slams into them all.</p><p class="western">It slows the crowd down, but Yuuri and Viktor have no trouble transitioning into something less vigorous. Yuuri even takes it as an opportunity to put his hands back on Viktor. He'll blame it on the liquor later, but somewhere he finds the courage to put his hands on Viktor's lower back, hands incredibly close to his ass. His fingernails graze the top of his jeans, even brush against a slip of hot skin as Viktor's shirt begins to rides up from all the movement.</p><p class="western">He's not sure how he expects Viktor to react, but it's certainly not by returning the favour. His hands plant themselves firmly on the lower half of Yuuri's hips, and they pull him in close, close enough for Yuuri to feel Viktor moving against him. Heat floods him like lava, and it leaves Yuuri gasping at the intensity of it all. They move together, almost grinding, and Yuuri clings to Viktor for all he's worth to survive.</p><p class="western">He's never danced with another person like <em>this</em> before, and it feels...</p><p class="western">Before Yuuri's ready for it, the music crashes back to its pounding pace. Viktor smirks at him, and without warning he pulls away enough to return back to dancing like normal. Yuuri nearly gawks at him, wondering where the hell that came from, and how can he get Viktor to <em>not</em> stop out of nowhere like that again.</p><p class="western">Not one to be left behind, especially on the dance floor, Yuuri gets back to what he does best.</p><p class="western">It's like this for many, many songs. The two of them move any way they please, yet often find any excuse possible to touch each other. A bump of their hips here, brush of hands there. Yuuri turning around to press his back to Viktor's front for a quick, teasing roll of his body back against Viktor's front. Viktor's hand running up the length of Yuuri's thigh, nails catching on the thread of his fishnet, enough to tug without breaking it.</p><p class="western">Viktor's hand on his thigh is like fire, and it feels so, <em>so</em> good.</p><p class="western">His hand leaves before it can push up any of Yuuri's skirt though, and fuck, Yuuri almost wishes he would have, if only to feel the heat of him there. He feels almost cold without it.</p><p class="western">Is this what foreplay feels like? Because Yuuri sure as hell feels wound up. And he can't for the life of him take his eyes off Viktor's moving form. Not that he would ever want to. He's quite happy watching Viktor feeling himself out here as much as Viktor appears to be happy watching him.</p><p class="western">When the music becomes more light and playful, as the crowd becomes silly and rambunctious, Yuuri can't help but feed off the more chaotic energy.</p><p class="western">“<em>Aha, listen boy. My first love story,”</em> the music sings sweetly.</p><p class="western">Before Yuuri even knows what he's doing, he and Viktor reach for each other and begin to spin the other around like ballerinas, only for the two of them to get dizzy and stumble almost drunkenly into each other. It must be ridiculous to watch, but they're laughing like it's the most fun they've had in a long time. They continue on like this, dancing like silly teenagers instead of full grown adults who want to look good in front of others, or in front of each other. It's pure, unfiltered fun.</p><p class="western">The song ends, swapping out for another cheerful bop. Yuuri continues on, feeling he could dance literally all night if the con lets him.</p><p class="western">Viktor, on the hand, is breathing hard and has come to a full stop.</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances his way, still moving, but slowing down enough to shout, “What's wrong?”</p><p class="western">“I'll be right back,” Viktor shouts back.</p><p class="western">“What?” Yuuri asks, confused.</p><p class="western">“I just need a break,” Viktor explains, motioning to the wall behind him. There's chairs set up for those who need a break, though most of them are empty.</p><p class="western">The look on Yuuri's face must be pretty disappointed, because Viktor quickly adds, “Just for one or two songs, okay? I'll be right back, I promise!”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri relents. He watches Viktor leave, suddenly feeling a little lost himself. He's used to dancing by himself, but it's so much more fun with Viktor at his side.</p><p class="western">Sighing, Yuuri glances around the room, watching the other solo dancers, the masses of people moving together, other groups on the outskirts who are just hanging around and enjoying the atmosphere. A hundred navy blue shapes of people moving in the dark, with glowing accessories to help outline them; light up shoes, glow sticks, and wands that change colours. One person is attending in a full blown Hello Kitty costume, complete with the giant, round head. Yuuri wonders how they're surviving the growing heat of the room. Yuuri's sweating hard, and he's only in a corset and a skirt.</p><p class="western">He's not alone for too long.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels something against his shoulder, like the tapping of someone's finger. He turns, steeling himself to tell whoever they are that he's not interested, but he relaxes when he realizes it's just his friends. Phichit and Christophe, and Sara and Mila.</p><p class="western">“<em>Heeeello, bitches,”</em> the music croons in the background.</p><p class="western">“S'up?” Sara shouts. She and Mila sway next to him, their own short dresses bouncing against their bare legs. Neon LED lights sewn inside light up the cotton of them in a way that glow sticks can't quite compete with. And like Phichit and Yuuri, they're loaded up with glitter and sparkles on their face, as well as the swell of their shoulders and across their noses in a freckle-like pattern.</p><p class="western">“Love the make-up!” Mila compliments. “You look hot!”</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Yuuri says, falling in tune with the rest of his friends dancing.</p><p class="western">“Where's Viktor?” Phichit shouts from Yuuri's other side.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods towards the wall. “Break time.”</p><p class="western">“A break? From you?” Christophe says. “Oh, this won't do. We have to remedy this.”</p><p class="western">“You thinking what I'm thinking?” Phichit shouts to him. Even in the dark, Yuuri can make out the particular look on Phichit's face. It's one that screams 'let's have a little fun.'</p><p class="western">Christophe doesn't bother with verbally answering. Instead, he settles himself behind Yuuri, close enough for Yuuri to feel the press of his hips against his ass, and he settles his hands around Yuuri's waist.</p><p class="western">“What - ” Yuuri starts.</p><p class="western">“Trust us!” Phichit assures him. He settles in front of him, facing Yuuri's way, his arms going up around Yuuri's shoulders. “Just dance, okay?”</p><p class="western">“<em>All the underdogs in the world, a day may come when we lose.”</em></p><p class="western">Not sure what their plan is, Yuuri goes along with it.</p><p class="western">“<em>But it is not today. Today we fight!”</em></p><p class="western">It's a whole lot different than dancing with Viktor. They're just as close, maybe even closer, especially with the way Christophe keeps pressing into him, but he doesn't feel anywhere near the level of physical excitement. Not to mention that, with Viktor, it didn't take much imagination to find all the places on Viktor that he wanted to touch. Everything felt natural and right with him. In this moment, with his friends, Yuuri's not sure where to even put his hands.</p><p class="western">To the side, Yuuri hears Mila let out squealing laughter.</p><p class="western">“Gimme your phone!” she shouts to Phichit. “We gotta catch this!”</p><p class="western">Phichit fishes his phone out of his back pocket and promptly hands it over.</p><p class="western"><em>Oh no, </em>Yuuri thinks.</p><p class="western">He looks up in time to see the Mila holding the phone at about shoulder level, aimed right at them.</p><p class="western">And just like Yuuri fears, Phichit and Christophe immediately begin playing it up for the camera.</p><p class="western">Phichit slips a leg between Yuuri's, practically straddles one of Yuuri's, and moves his hips like he's chasing after pleasure. Christophe, on the other hand, urges Yuuri to lift his arms up into the air, where they loosely cross at the wrists. Yuuri continues to roll his body between the two of them as Christophe trails his hands down Yuuri's sides.</p><p class="western">It makes Yuuri feel a certain way – at least, until he sees Sara smirk and Mila stifle a smile beneath her hand. They're staring behind him.</p><p class="western">He follows their gaze over to the wall closest to them.</p><p class="western">Viktor's no longer there – and that's because he's heading straight for them.</p><p class="western">Suddenly, dancing in between his two friends feels a whole lot different, knowing Viktor has seen it and is coming for him. Just like that, the heat is back, pulsing through him like nothing else can.</p><p class="western">Suddenly, Yuuri understands.</p><p class="western">“<em>Baby, yes I want it, wow!”</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri takes the split second he has, and he eyes Viktor through his heavy lashes and he gives it his all. Moves like he's in a competition against the whole room, and if he wants the first prize, it's all or nothing. He rubs every inch of himself against the two bodies grinding against him, making it as obvious as possible that it's not them he wants. They're only a consolation prize compared to Viktor.</p><p class="western">And if Viktor feels the same, then he needs to come and <em>take</em> him back.</p><p class="western">Several other dances cross their path, temporarily blocking him from view, but Viktor is there as soon as they're gone.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares, still moving, waiting to see what Viktor does next.</p><p class="western">Christophe notices Viktor. He chuckles, the sound ever close in Yuuri's ear, and he asks over the music, “Got sick of watching?”</p><p class="western">“I think I can do better,” Viktor challenges. Not <em>“no, I'm bored of this.”</em> Nothing about Viktor looks bored. More like <em>“I can satisfy Yuuri more than either of you can.”</em></p><p class="western">A thrill races up Yuuri's spine. His breath comes fast and hard, and it's not from the dancing.</p><p class="western">“What are you waiting for, then?” Phichit shouts.</p><p class="western">He and Christophe stop moving, and with a light shove of his hands, Phichit sends Yuuri Viktor's way, straight into his arms. Yuuri half expects for it to be an awkward collision, especially with how little warning was given, but Viktor catches him with ease.</p><p class="western">His arms immediately go around Yuuri's back, and he asks with a wink, “Shall we?”</p><p class="western">“Please!” Yuuri shouts.</p><p class="western">It's all he wants. Just this. The two of them, moving together like it's the most natural thing in the world.</p><p class="western">He knows Phichit's camera is on them, as they slide their bodies into place and begin to dance again, but he can't care less. All he's ever wanted is right here in his arms, and it's all that matters.</p><p class="western">“<em>Baby, you're mine. Baby, you're mine.”</em></p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's another hour before the dance is officially over for the night.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels reluctant to leave, for the night to end when it feels too soon, but Viktor's hand is in his as they stroll through the convention center, taking their time getting back to their hotel rooms. It feels warm, even against the latex his gloves, and firm. Yuuri can't stop looking down at them, at the way they fit each other so well, wondering if this is always how it always feels or if he's just lucky.</p><p class="western">When he senses Viktor's eyes on him, he looks up. Viktor smiles, eyes crinkling, and his thumb strokes over Yuuri's.</p><p class="western">The simple gesture sends a familiar yet alien feeling shooting straight thought him. Yuuri has to remind himself to breathe.</p><p class="western">He wants to talk to Viktor right now, but his friends are nearby, leading the way back to their suites. The rest of the convention center has slowed down, with a few stragglers hanging around here and there, so they could potentially find a spot nearby, but Yuuri wants a controlled environment. The last thing he wants is for a drunken con attendee (or, worse, an exasperated staff member) to interrupt them while they're in the middle of things.</p><p class="western">“Drinks at our room!” Phichit sings as they exit the elevator and step out onto their floor. “Chris, you in this time?”</p><p class="western">“You know it,” Christophe replies.</p><p class="western">“Did Leo make jello shots again?” Mila asks. Her arm is slung around Sara's back, hugging her close as they walk almost in tandem. Unlike the flooring downstairs, the click of their heels are muffled by the carpet.</p><p class="western">“Hell yeah, he did.”</p><p class="western">“Yeesssss,” Mila sighs.</p><p class="western">“Go easy this time, baby,” Sara gently teases.</p><p class="western">“I'll try.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri listens to the chatter ahead of him, his head miles away. His heart is racing in his chest, more than it ever had at the dance. He can feel the big moment arriving, and he's not entirely sure if he's ready for it. What if he was secretly wrong the whole time? Viktor's been so responsive, but what if it was out of politeness, or worse, pity?</p><p class="western">Everyone stops outside of their suite, Phichit fumbling with the key card.</p><p class="western">Viktor squeezes his hand. He has to do it several times before Yuuri gets the hint and realizes Viktor wants his attention.</p><p class="western">“Yes?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor wets his lips. “Can we...”</p><p class="western">“Go somewhere and talk?” Yuuri finishes for him.</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “My room?”</p><p class="western">No backing out now.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri says. And then he remembers something important. “Hold on a second. I have to go get something.”</p><p class="western">“Get what?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“It's a secret,” Yuuri answers. He holds up a a finger, says, “Wait here,” and rushes into his suite, flying past his friends to get to his luggage.</p><p class="western">There's activity all around him. He can hear Leo and Guang Hong greeting everyone, the sound of glass clinking and the fridge door opening, bags of chips and other snacks being popped opened, but he's completely focused on the small, wrapped package in his hands.</p><p class="western">He eyes it a moment, wondering if maybe... this is too much. If he's crossing an unspoken line.</p><p class="western">But it's here, and he knows he'll later regret <em>not</em> giving it to Viktor should he choose to opt out. So he tucks it behind him, and heads for the door.</p><p class="western">“Where are you going?” Phichit asks as Yuuri passes by.</p><p class="western">“I'll be back in a bit,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">It's all he needs to say, because Phichit grins, lifts his newly poured drink to him, and says, “Good luck!”</p><p class="western">Despite his growing nerves, Yuuri grins back, and he steps back out.</p><p class="western">Viktor is still there, and he looks up when Yuuri reappears in the hallway. Yuuri can see every emotion that's inside of him mirrored in Viktor, the same worries, the same hesitancy, maybe even the same hopes. It gives him the courage to suck in his next breath and commit himself to whatever happens next.</p><p class="western">“Let's go,” Yuuri says.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you want to know exactly what face Phichit was making in the first scene at Guang Hong and Leo, google "doge meme" ; 3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. /Oh/</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HELLO AND WELCOME TO 2021, WE'RE STARTING IT OFF WITH *ALL* THE BIG THINGS HAPPENING IN ONE CHAPTER, AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! STRAP YOURSELFS IN, FOLKS!!!</p><p>We also have an estimated chapter count finally. But don't worry! The end of this fic is not the end of the series! I have plenty more fics in this unvierse planned. We're gonna get to explore Yuuri's and Viktor's relationship and their growth together. ; D I'll give you more details in the near future.</p><p>(The rest of my notes will be at the end of this chapter, so as not to spoil anything~)</p><p>To any readers struggling with major Intense History happening this week: I hope you're all staying safe!!! Please drink some water/take your meds/get as much rest as you can and take care of yourselves. I hope things improve for you and soon. I considered postponing posting this chapter out of respect, but if you're anything like me then you need the reminder that good things can and still do happen in the world, so I decided to post this anyway. No rush, read it if/when you want to, it'll be here when you're ready!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Viktor leads the way back to his room, hands nearly shaking as he digs into his pocket for his keycard.</p><p class="western">He's thought about confessing all night – all <em>day</em> – and now that the big moment is arriving... he's panicking.</p><p class="western">He can't let his nerves get to him. He needs to calm down if he's going to do this.</p><p class="western">And yet Viktor can't stop the soul-deep quaking. He feels like he's about to slip off the edge into the unknown, and the only thing keeping him in balance is pure luck.</p><p class="western">Yuuri lingers behind him, as quiet as he is. Viktor can feel Yuuri's eyes on him as he blunders with the keycard, missing the slot twice before finally managing to slide it through the reader. Thankfully, Yuuri doesn't say anything. He simply follows Viktor into the darkened suite, hanging awkwardly about the doorway as Viktor goes and turns several lights on.</p><p class="western">When Viktor turns back to him, he finds he's not sure how to proceed. What to say or do next. What to even start with. The last time he was in a situation like this was long ago, and it's been even longer since a scenario like this went <em>right</em>.</p><p class="western">...He should probably should start with being a good host.</p><p class="western">“Want a drink?” Viktor asks. “I don't have anything super fancy, but I have water if you'd like some.”</p><p class="western">“Huh? Uh, sure. That'd be great, actually.” Yuuri bites at the corner of his lip. “Is it okay if I take my shoes off?”</p><p class="western">“Of course.” Viktor smiles sympathetically at him. “You were in them all day, weren't you? Your poor feet must be killing you by now.”</p><p class="western">“A little,” Yuuri admits, shimmying them off without even using his hands. It takes at least two inches off his height the moment the steps out of them. He arranges them neatly by the door before stepping further into the suite, looking about the room like he's somewhere new.</p><p class="western">Ah, right. He hasn't been inside here yet. This is all new to him, in a manner of speaking.</p><p class="western">“Your room's exactly like ours,” Yuuri says. “Only mirrored. And way less messy.”</p><p class="western">“Feels weird, right?” Viktor asks with a small laugh. “That's something you never really get used to with hotels rooms, if you stay at a con more than once. The rooms are all so similar, yet still different.”</p><p class="western">The second it's out of his mouth, Viktor feels like a huge idiot. Of course Yuuri has been to Duetto Con several times. He's re-visited many cons. He must already know this. Yuuri doesn't need Viktor to condescend him and explain things he already has experience with.</p><p class="western">And yet Yuuri doesn't roll his eyes or make a snide remark. He just lets out a short laugh and says, “Tell me about it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't want to admit why, but a part of him is deeply relieved his misstep wasn't taken poorly.</p><p class="western">Moving on, he pulls a new bottle of water from his fridge and hands it over to Yuuri, who accepts it with a quietly spoken “thank you.” Yuuri has to pull his hands out from behind his back and place a small, wrapped package onto the counter in order to open up his drink and take a sip, but Viktor chooses not to comment on the unknown parcel, as much as its sudden presence intrigues and unnerves him. He instead waits patiently until Yuuri's had several gulps of his beverage before saying anything else. Not just out of politeness, but also not wanting to rush Yuuri when they have all night to talk.</p><p class="western">(Or, minutes, if things go poorly. It's not like Viktor wants to rush into that, either.)</p><p class="western">“Is it all right if we talk in my room?” he asks.</p><p class="western">Yuuri silently nods.</p><p class="western">This time, Yuuri leads the way into the bedroom. Viktor follows after him, turning on yet another light. He closes the door behind them only part way, in case Christophe returns to the room before they're done talking, but also so Yuuri doesn't feel like he's trapped in here without an exit should he want one. God, that's the last thing he wants Yuuri to feel. Like he can't leave if things go down a bad path, or if he gets overwhelmed.</p><p class="western">“Have a seat,” Viktor offers, gesturing to the two beds.</p><p class="western">Both beds have been made and are clear of any mess that had been there that morning. Yuuri sits down on the edge of Christophe's bed, skirt flaring out as it and the small petticoat beneath are pressed down into the covers. The wrapped parcel sits cozily in his lap, balanced perfectly on the twin hills of Yuuri's thighs.</p><p class="western">(Not that Viktor is paying <em>too</em> much attention to that.)</p><p class="western">Viktor sits across from Yuuri, on his own bed.</p><p class="western">For a while, neither of them say anything.</p><p class="western">It's like everything Viktor has felt for so long now, every thought and word he's wishes to express, has taken off like birds in the sky, too far away to catch up with, too high up to even touch. Although his heart races and his hands sweat in his lap, his mind is an utter blank as he stares back at the beautiful person sitting across from him.</p><p class="western">There isn't much about romance Viktor does know, unfortunately. But what he does know is that he feels far too much for Yuuri for his body to handle, and it scares him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes trace over his face, like he's searching for something. Light trickles across the peak of his cheeks and the lines of his collarbone as he sits there and breathes, positively stunning. His eyes are heavy with makeup and lashes, and the curve of his lips gleam. Yuuri feels more like a lover sitting across from him than a platonic friend, and the way he stares at Viktor so expectantly makes Viktor wonder if he's feeling similarly.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri starts to smile. His voice sounds rough from a long day of endless talking and a dance filled with shouting. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”</p><p class="western">Hesitantly, Viktor smiles back. His voice feels just as raw, but almost pleasantly so. Well used. “Yeah? I'm glad. I had a lot of fun, too.”</p><p class="western">“You said your dancing wasn't that exciting to watch, but I think I beg to differ.”</p><p class="western">“It's certainly not as exciting as yours,” Viktor challenges.</p><p class="western">“I do this for a living,” Yuuri replies. His leg starts bobbing up and down, foot braced against the floor, but he doesn't appear to notice his own restlessness. “Well. Not <em>that</em> kind of dancing. But you know what I mean. I remember you said it's been a while since you last attended a dance. You sure moved like you knew what you were doing.”</p><p class="western">“Sort of? I used to go to them all the time, when I was younger. I guess it just came back to me,” Viktor says. And then, because he doesn't want to think about that time anymore, he changes the subject. “I loved seeing you like this today.”</p><p class="western">“Like what?”</p><p class="western">“Like how you are now,” Viktor explains. “In full costume, and in this version you wore for tonight. I honestly wasn't prepared for how amazing you look in person when you crossplay. You absolutely take my breath away. I don't know how you do it.”</p><p class="western">“You attended my panel,” Yuuri retorts, sounding amused. “You know exactly how I do this.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Viktor laughs, “I know more than I did yesterday, yes. But seeing your art in person... It's honestly like magic.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pauses. “Thank you,” he says. “But you keep saying that.”</p><p class="western">“Saying what?”</p><p class="western">“That what I do is like 'magic.' It's not some inhuman ability I pulled out of nowhere. I'm as much a human as you are.”</p><p class="western">Viktor holds back a wince. He doesn't mean for it to sound like that – but it is how it feels some days. “I don't mean to write off your skill. You've cleared worked long and hard to get this far. I saw as much at your panel.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares at him, quietly, waiting.</p><p class="western">Viktor's not sure what he's waiting for, though. He doesn't know what else to say. The moment becomes overwhelming the more he dwells on it, like he's failing a surprise test he wasn't warned about first and is running out of time to correct himself. He turns his gaze away, attempting to think of some other thing they can talk about.</p><p class="western">(He could just... come out and confess. Right now. But the moment doesn't feel right. There's a strange tension here he wasn't expecting, and he's uncertain how to unravel the knots of it to get down to its plain source before continuing on.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri gives him another moment, and when it becomes clear Viktor doesn't have anything else to say, he takes a deep breath and says on the exhale, “Actually... If it's okay, I do want to talk a little more about that.”</p><p class="western">“I offended you – ” Viktor begins, preparing himself to apologize, but Yuuri shakes his head.</p><p class="western">“You haven't, I promise,” Yuuri assures him. “And you didn't do anything wrong, either. But the subject has come up a few times, and you always sound so sad whenever it does. I don't want you to feel like that.”</p><p class="western">“I don't mean to,” Viktor murmurs. Looking back, he certainly hasn't done as good a job hiding things as he should have. Not if Yuuri's concerned about it. But he would be lying if he said that a part of him didn't feel frighteningly comfortable with Yuuri when it came to... this. Maybe that's why bits and pieces of himself keep sneaking out, against his better judgment. He knows how a story like this ends, and yet a part of him keeps offering slivers of himself like it's a whole new experience and not a well-known trauma.</p><p class="western">“I know,” Yuuri says softly, with compassion. Not at all annoyed or agitated like Viktor expects. “I just wish it didn't have to be like that. I want you to feel like you can do anything you want to. Like you're as unstoppable as I always thought you were.”</p><p class="western">“Aren't I already?” Viktor asks. He means for it to sound light and playful, a joke of a question. Instead, he can feel how pathetic and insecure it really sounds reverberating inside of him, a mocking echo.</p><p class="western">“You <em>are. </em>But...” Yuuri finally notices his leg bouncing up and down and forces himself to stop, an embarrassed look on his face. He sighs. “Look, I'm not good with words. Maybe I should just give this to you and let it speak for itself.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's careful to not look at the package in Yuuri's lap. “Give me what?”</p><p class="western">“This.” Wrapping paper crinkling in his hands, Yuuri lifts the small thing up and leans across the small divide between them to offer it properly.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks at it, then Yuuri, uncertainty roiling through him, but he cautiously accepts the gift into his care. It's small and light, the wrapping paper a sparkling lavender with a gold ribbon stretched across from one corner to the next. A fancy, matching gold bow that looks to be homemade sits at the center, with a small paper tag hanging off it that reads: <em>To Viktor. </em>A small heart sits next to it.</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows.</p><p class="western">Yuuri prods him with a gentle, “Open it.”</p><p class="western">“But I didn't get you anything,” Viktor protests.</p><p class="western">“I didn't get you this because I wanted to get anything out of you. I promise there's no ulterior motives here. I did this because I wanted to.”</p><p class="western">“... Okay,” Viktor relents.</p><p class="western">“Well? Go ahead,” Yuuri says, shifting his weight on the bed, like he's getting comfortable. “Come on. I want to see your face.”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Viktor lifts at the tape that holds the paper down, not wanting to tear into the gift like he's ravenous. He unwraps it like he's following the process backwards, careful not to rip even an inch of the fancy paper, until he reveals the cardboard box sitting inside.</p><p class="western">Viktor plucks at the line of tape holding the tabs down, the sound of it ripping off the cardboard loud in the unnervingly quiet room.</p><p class="western">And then he opens the box. And freezes.</p><p class="western">Unable to tear his eyes away, Viktor stares down at at his gift.</p><p class="western">Or, rather, <em>gifts</em>. Because there's more than one thing inside here for him. But Viktor's eyes hone in on what sits at the top: a brand new, unopened tube of lipstick. It's small and rounded at the edges, maybe little more than half the size of his pointer finger, and black with a sliver of blue. There's writing along the side, but it's tiny and silver and hard to pick out in the dim light of Viktor's hotel room.</p><p class="western">He lifts it out of the box, utterly baffled as to why it's here, and why Yuuri is giving this to him.</p><p class="western">“This is for me?” he asks.</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I saw it at the store the other day and thought you should have it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor drags his eyes off the tube and back onto Yuuri. “Why?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri presses his hands firmly into his lap, the motion a little stiff, almost like he's trying to keep himself still. “Maybe you don't remember, but we were talking while I was shopping for some makeup for Leo the other day. I asked you what kind of makeup you wished you could have. You said you really wanted blue lipstick, because it wasn't really a thing back when you wore that kind of stuff. You said you would be super into it if you had the chance to have it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks, stunned. “You bought me...”</p><p class="western">“That shade is 'sophisticated sapphire,'” Yuuri continues, starting to ramble. “I've used that brand before. Their lip formula is really good. You'll still feel it when it's on, but it doesn't get sticky, and it doesn't transfer easily, either. Well, it still transfers, but it's better than most tube lipsticks I've tried. Plus it lasts almost all day without you needing to reapply it, so the product lasts longer in general.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor begins, his head horribly blank and yet so <em>full</em>.</p><p class="western">“It's also a metallic lipstick. I kind of bought it on impulse, so I didn't really think about what type you would prefer, that or a matte, but I remember you said you have an interest in shimmery highlights, so I figured you'd be into this? But if you're not, there's more stuff in the box. It's all brand new, I promise. You won't get any weird germs or infections from me. I'm subscribed to a few makeup crates, plus I'm always getting new things from people as gifts, so I went through my untouched stash and picked out some other things I thought you might like to have.”</p><p class="western">Viktor can feel himself breathing hard, but he can't hear it over the thundering of his heart in his ears.</p><p class="western">“So... yeah.” Finally running out of steam, Yuuri stops and looks at him. Whatever he sees must worry him, because his brow creases and he asks in a cautious voice, “Is this okay?”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't say anything.</p><p class="western">He doesn't need to. The sudden tear racing down his cheek speaks volumes.</p><p class="western">Yuuri quietly gasps. “Viktor... are you crying?”</p><p class="western">“I don't...” Viktor shakes his head, ignoring the question. He sniffs, scrubs the already cold trail on his face away with the palm of his hand. “I don't understand.”</p><p class="western">“Don't understand what?”</p><p class="western">“Why you would do this,” he forces out. Saying it out loud hurts way more than Viktor could have anticipated, because there is no possible reality where someone <em>would</em> want to do this for him.</p><p class="western">Before he can stop himself, another tear is rushing down, and then another, and another.</p><p class="western">It forces Viktor to turn his head away in a foolish attempt to hide his shame. Only it's no use. He can feel Yuuri staring, perceiving every ounce of weakness in him. Viktor wishes the bed would open up and swallow him whole.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry,” Yuuri murmurs. “I didn't realize it would affect you like this.”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't trust himself to talk, so he doesn't. He squeezes his eyes shut against the wet burn of his tears. He feels frozen in place, pinned like some butterfly on a board to be stared at.</p><p class="western">“I guess maybe I shouldn't have,” Yuuri says, filling the space between them. “But I know you miss things like this. I just wanted you to have this, even if it's late. Even if you never use it, and it just gathers dust in a drawer somewhere. You deserve to have it.”</p><p class="western">“I deserve it?” Viktor echoes back, voice cracking. He doesn't sound like himself. It unnerves him as much as the tears do.</p><p class="western">He says nothing else for a long moment. He simply lets Yuuri's words roll through him, like gentle waves soothing the edge of a rocky beach.</p><p class="western">And then:</p><p class="western">“No one's ever encouraged me.”</p><p class="western">He feels more than hears Yuuri moving, as the space next to Viktor dips from the weight of him sitting down, but Viktor doesn't dare look. Just keeps talking, diving straight through the pain in an attempt to get to the other side.</p><p class="western">“It was always a joke, even to my friends. Just some stupid hobby of mine that amused them, a running gag in our group that was also convenient for them when we did group cosplays and they needed someone to be a girl. I got harassed, online and at cons, but I kept doing it because it felt right to me. I felt more like <em>me</em> when I dressed up like that. No one understood, though. I felt completely alone.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a faint sound. Viktor does his best not to react to it.</p><p class="western">“Maybe that's on me,” he says with a shudder. “I tried to talk to them about it a couple times, but I could never get the words out. I never really had them to begin with. I still don't. How can anyone else understand me when I don't understand myself?”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles at the absurdity of it all. It's not funny, not in the slightest, but he does anyway. Why is he even trying right now? It's been a long, unending nightmare, and speaking it into life is only going to worsen things. Yuuri will look at him like his ex did – with utter revulsion, with complete rejection, and everything will only hurt more because of it. He'll accuse Viktor of purposely deceiving him, too.</p><p class="western">Knowing this, Viktor still can't help it. Now that the words are coming, they drip out of him like blood from a scab that's been ripped off a still healing wound. No amount of pressure applied or bandage placed over it will completely stop the bleeding.</p><p class="western">“I couldn't even tell my own family what I was doing,” he says next. “I could post all the pics I wanted on MySpace, DeviantArt, Facebook, anywhere I wanted, because they don't really use the internet much. They'd never find them.” Viktor sniffs again, the sound disgustingly wet. “It's ridiculous. I could show every stranger out there this side of me, take their acceptance or rejection, but not them. There was no way they'd ever approve. I'm enough of a disappointment without all this, too.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor...”</p><p class="western">“Outside of that, I hid everything as best I could. My friends helped me do that. And then when they were gone...”</p><p class="western">“You lost what little support you had,” Yuuri finishes for him.</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I mean... They weren't always supportive, not in the ways I needed. We were just a bunch of teenagers tripping through life, but they were still there for me for me sometimes, you know? Especially when the harassment got bad. Maybe they didn't understand why I took this hobby so seriously, but they understood a grown man yelling at me in public wasn't good. It didn't occur to me at the time that friends <em>could</em> be better than that. I thought that was as good as it got.”</p><p class="western">“For the record,” Yuuri says, “I still want to glitterbomb the hell out of them.”</p><p class="western">Viktor can't find it in himself to laugh at the silly threat this time. Yuuri takes the hint and doesn't add anything more to it.</p><p class="western">Instead, he says, “I'm sorry. I'm not good at this. I don't know what to do or say... I'm sorry no one was in your corner the way you needed them to be.”</p><p class="western">“You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault.” Viktor inhales shakily. “I think... what hurt the most is that, when the costumes stopped fitting the way I needed them to, when I couldn't get the makeup to look right anymore, no one pushed me to keep trying. My friends took one look at me and said, 'well, yeah, of course you don't look like a girl anymore, just do guy cosplays from now on. You didn't seriously think you could do this forever did you?' It devastated me. I felt like I was losing a part of myself that was going away forever. I went to my ex, thinking he'd support me, but he said...”</p><p class="western">He can't go there.</p><p class="western">It still stings, like a slap that happened only seconds ago. Fresh tears burn down Viktor's cheeks as the pain stabs right through him. He winces at himself. Against his will, a pathetic noise escapes him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri gives him a moment to collect himself again, existing as a calm, steady presence at his side until Viktor's breathing begins to even out again. Viktor's grateful for it. He's not sure he can handle being touched right now – he'd only cry harder, he thinks.</p><p class="western">“I didn't mean to hurt you like this,” Yuuri says. “I knew this was important to you, but I never realized...”</p><p class="western">Viktor's scared to ask what Yuuri <em>did</em> realize.</p><p class="western">“You didn't hurt me.” Viktor traces a finger around the side of the tube of lipstick in his hand. The surface is cool against his skin, almost pleasant to the touch. “If there's anyone out there who has never deliberately hurt me, it's you.” He pauses, then says, “Well, that's not entirely true. Chris has never tried to hurt me, but I worry some days... it's hard to feel sure about that kind of thing anymore.”</p><p class="western">“I never want to hurt you,” Yuuri answers, voice quiet but firm.</p><p class="western">Viktor gives a single nod. “I think... I believe you.”</p><p class="western">With anyone else, there would be no holding back the doubt. If life has taught Viktor anything, it's that anyone can turn on him at any second, that they <em>will</em> betray him the moment he steps out of line and provokes them. That kind of love and loyalty exists only in movies and books and will disappear in a flash in real life, no matter what has been given up to keep such a bond going, because love is a choice, and Viktor knows deep in his soul he's not always the best option on the table.</p><p class="western">But Yuuri won't do that to him.</p><p class="western">If there's anyone out there he can trust, it's Yuuri.</p><p class="western">It's scary, realizing that he's willingly giving someone the power to hurt him once again. But he <em>wants</em> to give it. It's not being coerced or tricked out of him. Yuuri came to Viktor as himself, delightfully adorable and stubborn and driven and <em>honest</em>, not once disparaging, not once critical, only ever supportive and enthusiastic about the bond that's grown between them. All of that was enough to make Viktor believe that feelings like this can be more than just pain and fear in a charming disguise.</p><p class="western">Viktor wants to do the same. Be himself with Yuuri, the way he is with Viktor. Whatever that ends up being.</p><p class="western">Maybe this is the scariest part of it all. That Viktor could ever want something like this again when it nearly destroyed him once before. He gave so much of himself before, and for what?</p><p class="western">But he wants to give again.</p><p class="western">“That might be an impossible task, not hurting me,” Viktor winds up teases with a short laugh. “I'm too sensitive for my own good, I think. It's like my heart is made of glass.”</p><p class="western">“You're not too sensitive. But I'm still up for the challenge.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs again, shakes his head.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...” He inhales, holds his breath deep in his chest. He grips the tube of lipstick in his hand tightly, his hand almost shaking with it. He can't be doing this, he <em>can't</em>. But he wants to. No one else has ever gone this far for him, has ever told him “you can do this, if you want to.” If anyone will ever understand him, it's Yuuri, it's right now. The proof is right here in his hands.</p><p class="western">And if he doesn't... then Viktor will have finally learned his lesson. He'll never think about it ever again.</p><p class="western">(Some part of him thinks this is almost deliberate, on his part. A test. He'll say the unthinkable. And Yuuri, too good to be true or real, will show that he really is just as human as anyone else, and he'll reject him like all the rest.)</p><p class="western">It's better this way.</p><p class="western">Even thinking about it makes Viktor want to be sick. But he has to do it. He can't let himself get involved with anyone else again when such an important part of him is still hidden, like a ticking time bomb that's waiting to destroy something else precious to him. If... if they really do feel more for each other than what platonic friends do, then he owes it to himself to find this out. He deserves that much.</p><p class="western">So he finally lets it all go.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, I'm not a man.”</p><p class="western">The room goes quiet. Viktor can feel Yuuri going still next to him.</p><p class="western">“Or... or, sometimes, I can be. I think I am some of the time,” Viktor continues. “I don't know. I honestly don't know what I am. It feels like it changes every day.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri remains silent, unmoving.</p><p class="western">“Some days I'm fine as I am. Content, even,” Viktor continues, not sure if Yuuri understand what he's saying. He wouldn't blame Yuuri if he doesn't. Viktor's not entirely sure how to phrase his own confusion. “And others days, I'm not. Or some things will be fine, but others won't be. Like, my height was bothering me all day. I'm usually fine with how tall I am, but today I couldn't escape how wrong it felt. Like I was some humongous creature towering over everyone. Wearing Sidon only made it worse. I felt so unmistakably masculine, and I couldn't escape it at all. I wanted to be... smaller. Less broad and more...”</p><p class="western">“More feminine?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a noise. “I don't want to say all women are small or their bodies look a certain way, that's not what I mean at all, but... it's how I want to be, sometimes.”</p><p class="western">“I think I understand what you mean.”</p><p class="western">Does he?</p><p class="western">“I get that feeling with my voice sometimes too,” Viktor presses on, the tension in his back rising. “I wake up some days, and it grates on my ears and rumbles in my throat, and it feels awful. It makes me cringe. I can't imagine how bad it must sound to everyone else if I can barely tolerate it.”</p><p class="western">“Was it like that today?”</p><p class="western">“No, thankfully. It's the worst when I'm expected to talk all day.”</p><p class="western">“I'm glad that didn't happen.”</p><p class="western">He is? Viktor works his lip between his teeth, considering. “Sometimes... well, most of the time, I feel that way about my face, too.”</p><p class="western">“Really?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I know everyone really likes my strong jaw and cheekbones and how well I can pull off traditionally handsome characters, but I can't look at myself in a mirror too often, or for too long. I don't like looking at myself. The mirror never reflects what I want.”</p><p class="western">“Is that why you rarely post selfies of yourself out of costume?”</p><p class="western">Viktor's stomach drops. “You noticed.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I thought maybe you were just trying to keep your social media accounts limited to work. You're pretty professional like that.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hums. “I didn't think anyone cared about seeing <em>me</em>, to be honest. It's not what people pay me for. They want costumes, or works in progress. It's easier to pretend I don't exist outside of my work online, anyway.”</p><p class="western">“But you do exist,” Yuuri says. “You're right here.”</p><p class="western">He hesitates, but Viktor slowly turns himself back towards Yuuri, dragging his heavy eyes off the floor and up onto the face of the person he trusts the most. He's scared of what waits for him there. Disgust. Dismay. Disappointment. He flinches like he's already been backhanded with it. But his eyes lock with Yuuri's, and what he sees staring back at him isn't any of those things. It's Yuuri looking at him as he always has: with complete and utter adoration.</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry it's like this for you,” Yuuri says. “I don't know what this is like to deal with, but it must be difficult.”</p><p class="western">“It's okay...” Viktor begins, then stops. Because it's not. He's tired of acting like it is. Maybe, for now, in the privacy and safety of this room, he'll stop pretending otherwise.</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles softly at him. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”</p><p class="western">“...Thank you for listening.”</p><p class="western">“If you don't mind me asking, does anyone else know?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “Just... just one person. Though I'm sure he's told others. I don't want anyone else to know.”</p><p class="western">“I see.” Yuuri doesn't comment on that any further. “I promise it won't leave this room.”</p><p class="western">“Thank you,” Viktor says again. He lets out a long, shaky breath, the tension in his body gradually releasing with it. This is it, huh. No shouting, no accusations, just quiet acceptance? He was terrified of this?</p><p class="western">He wipes at the last bit of wetness around his eyes, the cool streaks on his face. Thankfully, the tears appear to have stopped. His chest still feels heavy, though. Like breathing is an exercise and not a normal state of being. “I, uh. I didn't expect you to react so well. I'm not used to this.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know what happened before,” Yuuri says, sounding like he wants to go back in time and punch a particular person in the face, “but I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for good.” His eyes twinkle with a touch of mischief. “You can't scare me off that easily.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles, still a touch nervous. “I mean, I thought I was going to? But I knew I had to tell you.”</p><p class="western">“Had to?” Yuuri asks, brow lifting. “Viktor, you don't have to tell me anything, not if you don't want to. I'm happy you trust me with this, but I wouldn't have stopped being friends with you if never told me this.”</p><p class="western">“No?”</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri asserts.</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor breathes, “this really is different from last time.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a guttural sounding noise. A mental image of Yuuri decking his ex straight in the jaw flashes in his head.</p><p class="western">(It's more entertaining than it has any right to be.)</p><p class="western">“So,” Yuuri clears his throat, changing the subject, “does this mean you like the makeup after all? I didn't do a bad thing?”</p><p class="western">“Of course not. Yuuri, I <em>love</em> it. No one's ever given me something this thoughtful before.” Viktor digs through the box, eyes widening at how much brand new makeup lies within. Mascara, blush, several more colourful lipsticks (ooh, purple), and even some blush and highlighters. Plus several other things Viktor's not at all familiar with but curious to discover. “I don't know if I'll ever be able to wear any of this, but I'm grateful to have it.”</p><p class="western">“...I have an idea.”</p><p class="western">Viktor glances back up, confused. “Hm?”</p><p class="western">“What if I do your face?”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks. “With makeup?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah!” Yuuri bounces on the bed as he readjusts himself, one leg crossing on the bed as he turns to better face Viktor. “We have all of this, and your regular makeup is here. We have all night. Why not?”</p><p class="western">“It won't take forever?”</p><p class="western">“No. I know what I'm doing. I can have you all prettied up in half an hour. Maybe longer, though. I want to take my time and really do you justice.”</p><p class="western">“We could...” Viktor says, uncertain, but also hopeful. Yuuri doing up his face? With his skills? He honestly can't picture how amazing the results would be. He wants to see it. This might be his only chance to see what he <em>could</em> look like.</p><p class="western">“I can show you how to do it,” Yuuri adds, tone rising with excitement. “I can't teach you everything tonight, but I can show you some tricks that will work with your face. I can make you as feminine as you want.”</p><p class="western">“Really?”</p><p class="western">“Really.”</p><p class="western">“It's not impossible?”</p><p class="western">“Nothing's impossible,” Yuuri replies. He lifts his hand and caresses the side of Viktor's face. “Let me prove it to you.”</p><p class="western">Heat blooms beneath Yuuri's hand, warming the skin cold from his tears. A smile breaks out over Viktor's face. “Okay. Let's do it.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's fingers twitch in his lap. He sits as still as possible, not wanting to interrupt the process as it unfolds.</p><p class="western">The two of them are sitting in the middle of Viktor's bed, Yuuri settled in front of him. Both of their legs are crossed so as not to get in the way as Yuuri leans forward to play with Viktor's face.</p><p class="western">(Viktor does his best to keep his eyes forward, and not trickling downwards, to where Yuuri's skirt lifts against the natural rise of his thighs.)</p><p class="western">Makeup, old and new, are scattered across the bed covers next to them.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's hands are nothing if not gentle with him. If anything, they're delicate, like he's scared if he touches Viktor any harder he'll crack beneath his fingertips. Yuuri's gloves are on the other bed, shucked off so that they don't get in the way or get makeup all over them. It's Yuuri's bare hands touching Viktor's face, and, <em>fuck</em>, they have no right to feel as soft and warm as they do. One hand curls carefully around Viktor's jaw, holding him in place while the other lightly dabs Viktor's foundation on with the beauty sponge he gifted Viktor with, masterfully spreading it all over.</p><p class="western">“How do you not already have one of these?” Yuuri asks him in bewilderment. “Everyone should have one.”</p><p class="western">“I dunno,” Viktor answers uselessly. “I thought my hands were good enough?”</p><p class="western">“Holy shit, Viktor, <em>no</em>.”</p><p class="western">“I have a brush, too!” Viktor rushes to defend himself. “I don't use just my hands. I put it on with my fingers, but then spread it with a brush.”</p><p class="western">“That's less bad,” Yuuri concedes, “but trust me, you'll never go back to that once you start using this. There's so much less streaking.”</p><p class="western">“My brush doesn't streak that bad.”</p><p class="western">Unfortunately, Yuuri still hears the unspoken part. “But it <em>does</em> streak. You'll work way less hard with this, I promise. You'll save yourself lots of time.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Viktor says, “I trust you.”</p><p class="western">“As you should,” Yuuri teases. “Who is the makeup expert here?”</p><p class="western">“You,” Viktor laughs.</p><p class="western">Yuuri grins. “That's right. Okay, I'm going to powder your face to set it, and then we can start the fun stuff.” He riffles through the stash next to them, humming to himself. “What colours do you want? I only gave you black eyeliner, but there's some colourful eye shadows and lipsticks in here. Would you rather a bold lip or a bold eye? Or both? I know some people say you can't do both, but they're cowards and we don't listen to them.”</p><p class="western">Both sounds intriguing, but also a little much for a short test run of how he'll look with all this stuff on, so Viktor says, “Bold lip, please. I really want to try the blue one on.”</p><p class="western">The answer appears to please Yuuri quite a bit; the skin around his eyes crinkle with the brightness of his smile.</p><p class="western">“Good answer.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor follows Yuuri's instructions as they're given. Close his eyes. Tilt his head up, now down. To the side. Now back to facing forward.</p><p class="western">Yuuri talks now and then, explaining what he does. Some of it makes sense. Some of it doesn't. But Viktor holds onto each word closely, like a loved one he hasn't seen in a long, long time.</p><p class="western">“Your features are already pretty strong,” Yuuri says, as he taps a brush into some light looking powdery product. “So contouring isn't really a thing you need to focus on, unless you want to strengthen those features. I did a little earlier, but more to balance out the highlighting I did. You already know how those things work, you do it all the time for your regular male cosplays. Although,” Yuuri's face scrunches up with unexpected humour, “if you want to apply some to around the edge of your forehead to make it look a liiiiittle smaller, that would definitely work.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri!” Viktor gasps.</p><p class="western">“Your forehead big and lovely and there's nothing wrong with it,” Yuuri snickers. “I'm just saying, for future reference. It's a great trick for when you're wearing wigs, too. Helps blend everything in. In any case, if I were you, I'd skip most contouring and spend more time and energy into highlighting. Especially here,” Yuuri taps the end of his brush against the bottom center of Viktor's forehead, “and here,” another tap, against the inner half of Viktor's cheeks. “Drawing more attention to the center of your face will feminize it more. People won't focus as much on the 'edges' of your face when your makeup draws their eyes to the center.”</p><p class="western">“Okay. Makes sense. I think.”</p><p class="western">“It doesn't have to make total sense right now. All you need to know right now is that how and where you contour and highlight is going to change depending on whether you want a more feminine or masculine face.” Yuuri smiles. “I can explain it all again later, whenever you want me to.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's toes curl in his socks at the thought of getting to talk even more makeup with Yuuri later.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">His face is touched everywhere.</p><p class="western">The process feels in-depth, intimate, moreso than Viktor is used to with his normal cosplay makeup routine, yet oddly familiar somehow. It reminds him of the days he spent alone on his bedroom floor, kneeling in front of his tiny makeup mirror as a teen, leaning in way too close in order to get the line of his eyeliner just right. Spending way too much time getting himself to look and present how he felt on the inside.</p><p class="western">Only now it's Yuuri leaning in close to him, his hands lightly gripping tiny brushes that he uses to brush eyeshadow over his eyes. It comes from a mini palette of neutral shades, which contains several mattes and two shimmers. Yuuri holds his breath as he works; Viktor can distinctly hear him not breathing. It might be more a side effect of concentration than anything else, though. Yuuri applies everything with all the skill and confidence of a well-learned painter who is lost in their work.</p><p class="western">“Nervous?” Yuuri asks out of nowhere, when he leans back to look Viktor's face over.</p><p class="western">“Kinda,” Viktor admits. “But I think I'm in good hands.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. “Sure hope so. Otherwise I'll never live this down. How do you feel about blush?”</p><p class="western">“My cheeks redden pretty easily on their own. Plus I was a huge emo kid back in the day. I've never used blush for anything.”</p><p class="western">“Hmm. Did you use bronzer back then, to warm up your face? It looked like you did in your older photos.”</p><p class="western">“I did,” Viktor confirms. “Contour wasn't a thing yet, but everyone used bronzer back then to basically do something similar. It gave you some dimension, but not as much as what people do now.”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Yuuri says, sorting through the two blushes he gifted Viktor. There's a bold yet cool-toned pink, and a more neutral looking one with only the suggestion of pink to its hue. Yuuri picks up the latter. “I'm going to do something similar with your cheeks, but with blush. It's a new-er trend, and I think it will look really nice on you. It'll make you look soft and girl-ish.”</p><p class="western">“Girl-ish is good,” Viktor breathes, tingling with anticipation.</p><p class="western">Yuuri let's out an airy chuckle. “Girl-ish is good.” He dabs a big, fluffy brush into the powder, then taps it against the edge of the plastic cover several times, <em>click click click</em>. “A lot goes a long way with blush, so always start with a little, and then build it up until you like where it's at.”</p><p class="western">“Like with eyeshadow?”</p><p class="western">“Exactly like eyeshadow. Okay, no more talking. Stay still for me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor gladly does as told.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You know,” Yuuri says, as he's getting Viktor to look up and keep his eyes open while he applies mascara, “I've thought about this for a long time.”</p><p class="western">“About mascara?”</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri says with a snort. “About doing up your face like this.”</p><p class="western">“Really?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. Is that bad? I don't mean it like an insult. I loved your make-up as a teen. It still looks really good for that era of beauty. I like your current male make-up, too. But then you stopped crossplaying. I got into the hobby after that. When I was learning as much about makeup as I could, I couldn't help but wonder how you'd look with current trends. I used to stare at your face and theorize how I'd do it, if I ever got the chance.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor gasps for the second time that night. “That almost sounds like you're a little obsessed with me.”</p><p class="western">He almost doesn't catch it, but Yuuri admits quietly on an exhale, “Nothing little about it.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The last step is the lipstick.</p><p class="western">Somehow, this feels even more familiar than Yuuri's hands discovering every inch of his face, and all Yuuri's done is tear off the plastic around the tube. He pops the cover off, the sound ricocheting inside Viktor's body like an 8-ball bouncing around the frame of his being.</p><p class="western">Carefully, Yuuri twists the base until the shapely stick of shimmery blue emerges.</p><p class="western">“It's so pretty,” Viktor utters, transfixed by the bold blue of it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods in agreement. “I think this shade will really bring out your eye colour. It's going to look really nice on you.”</p><p class="western">“I hope so,” Viktor confesses. “I think I'd be devastated if, after all this time, it looks bad.”</p><p class="western">“If it does, then that just means we need to find a nicer shade,” Yuuri replies. “But I think we have a winner here.” Holding it up, he gestures at Viktor's face and says, “Okay. Pucker up, I guess?”</p><p class="western">Viktor does.</p><p class="western">Yuuri immediately breaks out into laughter. “Not <em>that</em> puckered. You can actually keep them relaxed for this part. I was only kidding.”</p><p class="western">Barely resisting the urge to also laugh at himself, Viktor does as suggested.</p><p class="western">He watches intently as Yuuri leans in, fingers coiled around Viktor's chin as his other hand brings the lipstick to his lips, and begins to carefully drag it across his sensitive flesh.</p><p class="western">“We're going to have to get you some lip liner, to help with the bleeding...” Yuuri muses aloud. His breath and voice are so close, Viktor can feel them moving leisurely across his skin. “But for now, this is fine. I can work with this.”</p><p class="western">Unable to speak, Viktor makes an agreeable sound.</p><p class="western">The lipstick feels odd on his lips – he can feel the formula coating his flesh, hugging it. It makes him want to rub his lips together, but he can't because Yuuri is still finishing up. And Yuuri is nothing if not thorough. Going over the same spots again and again, tracing the edge of his lips with the tip of the lipstick to try and get a clean looking edge.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's gaze follows the lipstick just as closely, lingering even when he temporarily lowers his hand and studies his work. Then he pulls back, lips pressing together like he's thinking.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri says. “I think we're done.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's heart speeds up. “Completely done?”</p><p class="western">“Completely. One second. Lemme get you a mirror so you can see.”</p><p class="western">Viktor rubs his lips together, amazed at how slippery yet non-sticky they feel, while Yuuri roots through their stash for a compact mirror. He ends up settling for the one that came with the setting powder he used earlier.</p><p class="western">“Sorry this is so small,” Yuuri apologizes, handing the compact over, “but I guess if you want an even better look, there's always the bathroom. Or your phone, maybe?”</p><p class="western">“It's okay. The bathroom has terrible lighting, anyway.”</p><p class="western">(Viktor's not sure he can trust his legs right now, anyway. He feels... a lot, right now.)</p><p class="western">He holds the compact for a moment, steeling himself for the moment of truth. His hand feels clammy around the plastic of it. What if he looks and he still...</p><p class="western">He glances up at Yuuri, who watches him with a smile on his face.</p><p class="western">Yuuri wouldn't be smiling like that if he did a horrible job.</p><p class="western">Sucking in his next breath, Viktor lifts the mirror up, and he looks.</p><p class="western">“So?” Yuuri asks, when Viktor says nothing. “Thoughts? Criticisms?”</p><p class="western">Viktor is speechless.</p><p class="western">It's really him in that tiny, reflected space, isn't it? His edges softened, his eyelids glimmering, his brow filled in but not in a way that feels big and overbearing. His lashes are long, darker than normal from the black of the product, and the inner corners of his eyes shimmer with white highlight. He doesn't know how Yuuri accomplished this, but his jaw and chin are less pronounced. Even the end of his nose feels less prominent than usual. His face is bright and youthful, and his lips... <em>wow</em>. Were they always that big and plush? Yuuri didn't over line him at all, the bold colour following the natural line on his lips, and yet they look so full.</p><p class="western">Viktor feels... he feels...</p><p class="western">“Viktor?” Yuuri asks again.</p><p class="western">Is he going to cry again? Viktor feels like he will. Something is building in his chest, but it's not the weight of old pain dragging him down. It's light and airy, and it floats like bubbles rising to the surface. It feels <em>euphoric</em>.</p><p class="western">He's breaking out into a smile, into giddy, breathy laughter. He feels almost foolish with it.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri. I don't... I don't know how...”</p><p class="western">Yuuri beams. “I did good?”</p><p class="western">“You did <em>amazing</em>. Oh, My God. Yuuri, I could kiss you right now.”</p><p class="western">It's out of his mouth before he can stop himself. Viktor doesn't have time to react to his blunder, because suddenly Yuuri's hand is on his, and he senses the once bright mood in the room dimming into something more... personal. Private.</p><p class="western">Viktor is abruptly reminded that it's just the two of them here. Alone.</p><p class="western">“You could?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“I...” Viktor starts, his throat suddenly dry. What does he mean by that? Is it a question, or...?</p><p class="western">“Because,” Yuuri says, voice hushed but hand firm on Viktor's, fingers stroking lovingly over his, “I think... I could definitely kiss you right now.”</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Viktor gasps. And then, <em>oh</em>, it hits him, completely, what Yuuri is actually saying. A million questions come with it – for how long? Can this really be true? – but they're all forgotten as he loses himself in Yuuri's heavy eyes.</p><p class="western">“Even... even when I look like this?” he dares to ask. Because he has to know. He <em>has</em> to.</p><p class="western">“Especially,” Yuuri practically whispers.</p><p class="western">Bewilderment mixed with sheer relief shoot through Viktor. How is he still desirable to Yuuri when he wants to look like this? Yuuri really is too good to be true.</p><p class="western">Yuuri asks him, “Will you let me?”</p><p class="western">“<em>Please</em>,” Viktor gasps, begs like his life depends on it.</p><p class="western">There's a split second where he thinks this is all a dream, something he made up to finish off what has been a perfect night, but there's no mistaking the way Yuuri's gaze drops to Viktor's lips, with far more romantic purpose this time, or the way Yuuri's breath hitches before he closes his eyes and finally leans in.</p><p class="western">Viktor closes his eyes, and surrenders.</p><p class="western">He's never kissed anyone wearing lipstick before. He's never kissed anyone <em>while</em> wearing lipstick, either. It feels a little strange, but he likes it. He likes it a lot.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's hesitant, the press of him chaste, more like he's still asking for permission to touch Viktor than actively taking what has been freely given, but it feels good all the same. It sends shivers racing up Viktor's body like playful fingers tickling his skin.</p><p class="western">When Yuuri pulls back, Viktor immediately breathes out, “More, please.”</p><p class="western">His eyes are still closed, so he doesn't see Yuuri's reaction, but he feels Yuuri's breath against him as Yuuri chuckles. And then his lips are back on Viktor's, firmer this time, more understanding of what to expect. Viktor meets Yuuri halfway, letting him know just how much this is wanted, how much he's <em>ached</em> for this.</p><p class="western">When they part again, Viktor's eyes finally open, and he makes a noise at what he sees.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, I got some of my lipstick on yours...”</p><p class="western">“Good.” Yuuri's panting a little heavy, but he doesn't look like he wants to run away. Not in the slightest. “Can I...?”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't bother with words this time. He simply pulls Yuuri in, and they fall back onto the bed together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Brace yourselves, it's going to get real steamy here in the next chapter~</p><p>(Don't worry, we're picking up exactly where we left off)</p><p>As far as I know/have googled, “sophisticated sapphire” isn't a real lipstick shade. BUT IF IT IS, then it is purely coincidence! Please don't come for me OTL</p><p>Concerning Viktor deciding to tell Yuuri partly out feeling obligated to do so – this isn't good, and I'm not advocating for this! It's a pressure a lot of trans people feel because society has everyone convinced that if we don't tell potential partners “the truth” about ourselves up front, then we are lying and “deceiving” people into being with us on false terms. This isn't true and is an incredibly cruel and dangerous thing to expect any trans person to do, no matter where they are in their journey. It opens us up to violence of all sorts. Not to mention that it is no ones business, and really should not matter in the grand scheme of things. Viktor doing this is an aspect of his internalized issues. He's been hurt with this before with his ex and hasn't healed from it yet.</p><p>I normally don't try to comment too much on my characters actions because I want the text to speak for itself and I trust readers to be able to infer what they need to from it and come to their own conclusions, but because this is still such a huge point of contention in our society, I wanted to say something, in case anyone thinks I'm advocating for trans people outing themselves to people. I'm on the “protect trans people and respect their personal business!” squad if that wasn't already obvious.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. touch me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I'm sorry for how late this chapter is. Real life happened and I needed to take a step back for myself. To anyone who follows my twitter, you already know what's up. :' ) I'm all right, if anyone is wondering. Life just sucks sometimes.</p><p>CW: </p><p>The first half of this chapter is pure indulgence. It's all making out and exploring and touching. If you want to skip all of this entirely for whatever reason, start the chapter right at ““Wait,” Viktor says” instead of the actual start of the chapter. You still get the minor conflict at the end of the making out, but miss the more explicit details of what they were doing.</p><p>For those who want to read the sexy scene but are especially sensitive to issues of consent and things of that nature, later in the scene Yuuri starts to get nervous due to his inexperience and starts to push himself out of his comfort zone to a place he doesn't actually want to be in. He's a little nervous throughout most of the chapter, but the latter section is the worst of it. His internalized ace issues come into play here and he thinks he has to go all the way to prove himself/prove to Viktor he's desirable and worth keeping. Viktor notices right away that Yuuri is nervous/acting off and they stop before anything can actually happen. Nothing non consensual happens, but Yuuri pushing himself is absolutely not good either. Again, if you need to skip part this for any reason, start skipping at “In spite of that, in this position" and come back at ““Wait,” Viktor says”</p><p>Last warning! We also have some body image issues in this chapter (in particular descriptions of stretch marks from Yuuri gaining and losing weight over the years and the shame he associates with them). If you need to skip this bit, start at “He's hesitant, but the caress of Viktor's hand” and come back into the scene with “ “Okay?” Viktor asks.”</p><p>To anyone who has to skip anything, I'll leave you with a short summary of what you need to know at in end notes.</p><p>Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri is kissing Viktor.</p><p class="western">Except Yuuri's not just kissing Viktor. He's pressing Viktor down into the bed with the weight of his body and his desires, chasing furiously after pleasure he's never known before with short pauses to catch his breath, only to dive back in for another taste of Viktor's lips before the air even has a chance to hit his lungs.</p><p class="western">He has no idea what he's doing, or if he's even doing it right. There's no guide for this, and he never once thought to stop and ask somehow how to properly kiss someone he likes. It's too humiliating a question for a grown man to ask, and not once did Yuuri think he'd ever get this far.</p><p class="western">It's not just him pursuing, though. He can feel Viktor eagerly responding beneath him, lips pushing back just as hard. Viktor's head tilts to better accommodate them both, and he follows after Yuuri when they part ways for a gasp of air, like he can't bear for it to end for even a moment. His hands grip Yuuri's back as though it's the only thing keeping him from being swept out into the open ocean of their lust.</p><p class="western">It's honestly encouraging. Yuuri must be doing okay – at least okay enough to entice Viktor into wanting him back.</p><p class="western">The way Viktor's smiles against him certainly makes Yuuri think so.</p><p class="western">Yuuri finds himself smiling back, so hard it's almost impossible to get himself to purse his lips enough to properly kiss Viktor back. He tries anyway, because he can't get enough of this. He doesn't think he ever will. He can hardly breathe, and yet Yuuri can't stop. He doesn't <em>want</em> to stop.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri</em>,” he feels Viktor murmur against him, <em>into</em> him, heavy with feeling. Yuuri swallows the sound down, lets it vibrate right down to his core, feels it shudder back out of him.</p><p class="western">Their mouths stick briefly together after each kiss, their lipstick making their flesh resist any prolonged distance. The sound of their lips smacking together in an otherwise silent room shoots straight through Yuuri like lightning, fresh heat flashing inside him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shudders at the thought of what they are doing together, how debauched they must look by now. Dark pink and bold blue on their lips, mixing and transforming into something wild and new on their skin, proof of their feelings for each other made tangible and real.</p><p class="western">It's a lot<em>.</em> Yuuri has to pull back to calm himself down.</p><p class="western">He's treated to a whole new sight when he does.</p><p class="western">Viktor pants up at him, eyes dark and hazy. Like Yuuri suspected, Viktor's mouth is an absolute mess. Sapphire blue is smeared outside the natural line of his lips, along with smudges of dark pink and the beginning of a deep purple. Viktor should look silly, but he looks like a work of art. Art that Yuuri has a hand in creating.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's tongue swipes across his bottom lip, picks up on the odd taste of chemicals from their combined lipsticks. He briefly wonders what Viktor tastes on his tongue.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor murmurs again, more out of breath this time.</p><p class="western">It takes a second before Yuuri realizes he's breathing heavy, too. Panting hard. It's another second before he notices Viktor has a vulnerable, questioning tone to his voice.</p><p class="western">“Hm?” Yuuri's eyes trace over the mess he's left behind. He feels foggy with desire, like he could easily slip back into kissing Viktor again and lose the entire night in his touch. He thinks that would be a wonderful way to spend the rest of their time together. Nothing else exists right now outside of the solid weight of Viktor beneath him, where his legs are parted enough for Yuuri to rest comfortably between them. It feels good, like this space is made especially for him. As far as Yuuri is concerned, he never wants to leave this place they've created for themselves.</p><p class="western">“How long?” Viktor quietly asks.</p><p class="western">That has things shifting a bit more into focus. Yuuri lifts his eyes to meet Viktor's. “How long, what?”</p><p class="western">“How long have you liked me?”</p><p class="western">“...I don't know,” Yuuri admits honestly. He tries to think as far back as he can, to the first signs of his feelings taking a more romantic turn, but his mind comes up blank. He guesses, “A little while now, I think. Maybe longer. Maybe always.”</p><p class="western">That feels a little truer, even if it's a truth he hasn't known until now.</p><p class="western">The corner of Viktor's mouth lifts. “Maybe always?” He sounds hopeful – but also a little skeptical.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not sure what to say. He doesn't know himself or his own feelings well enough to give concrete answers. There's not much past experience to draw on. A date with someone that went nowhere. A minor crush he had on a childhood friend when he was much, much younger that fizzled out when she started seriously dating another friend of theirs. Neither can begin to compare to this. His old crush is a summer breeze next to the hurricane gust that are his feelings for Viktor. That's all he knows for sure.</p><p class="western">Viktor clearly wants more specific details, but Yuuri's not sure he can give any, at least not yet.</p><p class="western">He shifts awkwardly above Viktor. His elbows are starting to feel tired from the effort of keeping him lifted up. “I'm sorry. I'm not – I don't know what to say. I don't even know what I'm doing. I've never liked anyone like this before.”</p><p class="western">“That's okay,” Viktor replies, smiling up at him so sincerely that Yuuri wonders if it it really is okay. He doubts it. Thankfully, Viktor moves on without resistance. “I've liked you for a while now, too.”</p><p class="western">The thought of Viktor haboring any sort of feelings for him for any period of time immediately takes Yuuri aback. This whole time? It feels true, too. It also feels way too surreal. “Really?”</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm. I can pinpoint the exact second I thought 'this boy is too cute for words.'”</p><p class="western">Confused, Yuuri says, “What?”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “When you were falling asleep on your coffee table, the night before a convention.”</p><p class="western">“Wait, when was this? I don't remember that.”</p><p class="western">“Your last con vlog.” Viktor laughs again at the look on Yuuri's face. “The one Phichit clickbaited me with. I watched the first one and fell for you so hard.”</p><p class="western">“You fell for me when I was barely awake and probably looking like a total mess?”</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. Can he turn back time and force past-Yuuri to look more put together and alert for Phichit's stupid camera?</p><p class="western">“Well,” Viktor says, “maybe not exactly <em>that</em> moment. You were cute and I felt bad for you, but then Vicchan came running in and you started doting on him so sweetly, like a proper dog dad does. That's when I thought to myself, 'oh no, he has a poodle <em>and </em>he's cute. That's marriage material right there.'”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's heart nearly stops at the word 'marriage.' “Wha – ”</p><p class="western">“Want me to show you the exact second?” Viktor continues on, oblivious to the shock. “I can grab my phone and...”</p><p class="western">“No!” Yuuri blurts. In a more controlled voice, he adds, “No, no, that's fine, we're good.”</p><p class="western">“You sure?”</p><p class="western">“Very sure, thank you.”</p><p class="western">“Okay.” Viktor's smile turns sweet. “I'd rather spend my time looking at the real you right now, anyway.”</p><p class="western">How does he do that? Just say things that sound so corny but feel so genuine? Yuuri thinks he might explode if he ever let such words escape him, and yet he feels the same emotions urge him to continue, to take hold of the night and indulge.</p><p class="western">“I think,” Yuuri says, suddenly hesitant in spite of his earlier courage, “I'd rather be doing more than just looking.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow lifts. “Oh?”</p><p class="western">Doubt spikes. Yuuri tags on a rushed, “Unless you don't want to – ”</p><p class="western">“I want to,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's at a loss for words again. What does Viktor want? What does <em>he</em> want? Yuuri doesn't have an answer for either question, only the heat in his belly and the itch in his skin for Viktor to touch him back. He wishes this came more naturally to him. That he could pinpoint every desire they both have and the way to satisfy it. But he doesn't. He's an unguided tourist in a strange land, and the only way to uncover this new territory is to clumsily explore it.</p><p class="western">He doesn't have to time to wonder too long about this, either. Viktor is gazing up at him, waiting.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri does the one thing he does know right now. He leans back down and slots his mouth against Viktor's.</p><p class="western">This part is becoming increasingly familiar, the possibility of messing up something as simple as even this becoming smaller and smaller.</p><p class="western">The more secure Yuuri feels, the more he begins to experiment with pressure and placement. He discovers by accident that Viktor is incredibly sensitive to long, gentle kisses. Lips barely touching. He shivers when Yuuri opens his mouth to gently massage Viktor's bottom lip between his own, sighing when Yuuri increases the pressure near the end and pours his want into it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri finds he likes it a lot, too. The slow, sensuousness of it all. Viktor's not the only one shaking.</p><p class="western">He goes to do it again – only Viktor's mouth is still open, and before Yuuri is ready for it, he feels something soft and wet dipping into his mouth and stroking his tongue.</p><p class="western">Yuuri startles and leans back, blinking rapidly.</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Viktor apologizes. “I'm used to...”</p><p class="western">“That was your tongue,” Yuuri blurts. He feels stupid saying it out loud. Of course it was Viktor's tongue. What else would it be?</p><p class="western">Viktor bites back a small laugh. In an apologetic tone, he answers, “Yeah, it was. We don't have to do that if you don't like it.”</p><p class="western">“I mean... I didn't say I <em>didn't</em> like it. You just took me by surprise.” Yuuri swallows. “Um. Do it again and we'll see?”</p><p class="western">“Okay.” This time Viktor lifts a hand up, curling it around the base of Yuuri's neck, fingers slipping through the thick wefts of wig hair, and he gently urges Yuuri back down.</p><p class="western">Yuuri knows more of what to expect this time – yet he's still taken by surprise when Viktor's tongue dips once more into his mouth, not because of how alien it is, but more by how weirdly <em>good</em> it feels. Wet flicks of Viktor's tongue tease the tip of his, the muscle shockingly sensitive. Hesitantly, Yuuri mimics the motion, and he feels more than hears Viktor's sharp intake of breath through his nose.</p><p class="western">If Yuuri thought he was shivering before, he's quaking now. The heat inside him is turning molten.</p><p class="western">And then Viktor wraps his lips around Yuuri's tongue – can you do that? Is that really a thing people do? – and he <em>sucks</em>. A moan rips out of Yuuri before he can stop himself. Fuck, it's so loud and embarrassing. Did such a sound really just come out of him?</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. The sound vibrates right through Yuuri. “You like that?”</p><p class="western">“Please don't make me answer that,” Yuuri practically whimpers.</p><p class="western">“Should I just do it again?”</p><p class="western">“<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p class="western">Viktor does. Yuuri loses his mind shortly after. In no time their kisses become much, much wetter and sloppier. It feels like something out of an adult movie. It feels obscene, almost shockingly so, how urgently they're going at each other.</p><p class="western">To his surprise, Yuuri doesn't mind at all. In fact, he really, <em>really</em> likes it. Especially because the deepening of their kisses opens Yuuri up to new tastes and sensations to experience, ones that have his toes curling tight in his fishnets. He didn't mind the chemical taste from the lipstick before – he's far too used to it to be bothered – but now he can taste the lingering blue raspberry and vodka from the jello shots from earlier, as well as something that is purely Viktor, and Yuuri finds he can't get enough.</p><p class="western">(The intensity leaves Yuuri with little room to breathe, until he figures out by complete accident how to breathe through his nose while also giving Viktor all the attention he deserves. Kissing gets a whole lot easier after that.)</p><p class="western">And then Viktor introduces the barest hint of teeth dragging across his lips, not quite nipping but most certainly tugging at his flesh, and <em>oh, </em>it feels so...</p><p class="western">Wait. Is that –</p><p class="western">Oh. Oh, shit.</p><p class="western">Yuuri knows what that feeling between his legs is: he's hard. Painfully so. More aroused than he can ever recall being on his own.</p><p class="western">Can Viktor feel how much Yuuri wants him pressing against his hip? Yuuri almost hopes so. He almost hopes not, to spare himself the humiliation of being so utterly obvious when all they've done so far is kiss. He can feel the need to move his body against Viktor's, but he keeps himself still, still too uncertain to cross that line just yet.</p><p class="western">They've barely even started. How is it possible that other things can feel even better than this?</p><p class="western">Except Viktor's hand digs deeper into the back of his head, and a new feeling shoots through him. Yuuri winces and pulls back to moan in pain.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes widen. “Are you okay?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “Yeah, just my wig.”</p><p class="western">“How long have you been wearing it?” Viktor asks, brow furrowing. “Have you taken it off at all today?”</p><p class="western">“Uh.” Yuuri tries to remember something other than the feel of Viktor. It takes a couple seconds too long. “I did when we took breaks in our hotel room, but I've been more or less wearing this almost non-stop since this morning.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri!” Viktor scolds. “That's almost all day. No wonder your head hurts. We should take it off immediately.”</p><p class="western">“... I can't tell if you're concerned about me, or trying to undress me,” Yuuri mumbles.</p><p class="western">“Little of column A, little of column B.” Viktor grins 'innocently' up at him. “But in all seriousness, please do take it off before you feel worse. I'd hate to see you hurt yourself.”</p><p class="western">“It's not that bad...” Yuuri slips his fingers beneath the edge of the wig anyway, urging the tight thing off without bothering with the clips in the back or properly pulling out the extra pains holding it in place. The wig cap slips off with it. In an instant Yuuri's hot and sweat-dampened head is met with fresh, cool air from the hotel room air conditioning, and it feels <em>amazing</em>. He lets out a long, contented sigh. It's like a pressure valve has finally released. He feels so much better.</p><p class="western">Then he glances down at the underside of the wig, and goes pale at the sight of the frizzy, tangled nest hiding underneath.</p><p class="western">Viktor whistles. “Wow. That's not good.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. “This is going to take hours to comb out.”</p><p class="western">“I'll help,” Viktor offers. “I'm a very patient person.”</p><p class="western">“You gotta be to have a crush on me,” Yuuri deadpans.</p><p class="western">He almost regrets saying it, only he hears Viktor laugh and say, “Good things come to those who wait. Put it over on Chris' bed, we can worry about it later.”</p><p class="western">Carefully aiming, Yuuri chucks it across the divide and lands the wig on the other bed. He'll sort it out later.</p><p class="western">He's leaning down again when Viktor swipes a hand through his hair. The damp tendrils of his hair must feel gross on Viktor's skin, but his fingers feel good on Yuuri's scalp. Viktor lovingly strokes the back of Yuuri's head like he's trying to ease the hurt away.</p><p class="western">“How do you not have a terrible headache right now?” he asks, voice laced with genuine concern.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shrugs. “Good stamina, I guess. I can usually wear a costume all day without much problem.”</p><p class="western">“Good stamina? Hmm. How interesting.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri squints. “What does that mean?”</p><p class="western">“It means you should be kissing me more,” Viktor purrs.</p><p class="western">Yuuri does so. If only to stop the jokes.</p><p class="western">He tries that teeth thing on Viktor – maybe does it a little too hard, if the way Viktor gasps in his mouth is anything to go by. Viktor doesn't appear displeased by it at all. His hands clutch Yuuri's back, and his legs hug Yuuri's hips tight, one even lifting up and curling enough to urge Yuuri to press further into him. They feel strong and toned, even through his jeans.</p><p class="western">What would it be like to be trapped under them? Pinned down, bearing the brunt of Viktor's weight on him –</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost moans at the thought.</p><p class="western">His hand finds Viktor's chest, more to brace himself while lying on top of Viktor than anything else. The cloth shifts beneath his fingers as his hand accidentally traces the curve of Viktor's chest. He is then struck with the sudden desire to feel what hides beneath clothing. He wants to get even closer.</p><p class="western">“I took something off,” Yuuri whispers between kisses. “You should take something off, too.”</p><p class="western">“Deal,” Viktor instantly agrees. “But, oh my, that corset of yours looks pretty hot. Latex gets uncomfortable fairly quickly. You should take that off, too.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. “Okay, now you're <em>really</em> trying to undress me.”</p><p class="western">“A lot of column b,” Viktor confesses. He pats Yuuri's shoulder to get his attention, and gestures for him to get up.</p><p class="western">Yuuri does, sitting back on his knees and giving Viktor whatever space he needs to move. He watches in awe as Viktor grabs the back of his collar and tugs his v-neck off in one, smooth pull. No snags, no awkward catching on either of his arms, only fluid motion. Viktor shakes his hair free as it's tousled in the process, and he carelessly tosses the article of clothing somewhere off to the side, wholly forgotten as his heavy gaze rests back on Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Immediately, Yuuri's eyes drop to the long expanse of Viktor's bare torso. He takes in the light and shadows hugging Viktor's toned stomach, roams the gentle swell of his chest, and gets stuck on the dusty pink of Viktor's nipples that stand out against the rest of his fair skin.</p><p class="western">He's seen Viktor's chest before. In old cosplays that required it, either fully exposed or just a tease of skin through an open shirt. Technically, none of this is new to him. But Yuuri has never seen it like <em>this</em> before. Never in a state where he could – and is expected – to touch it. With his hands.</p><p class="western">(Or, maybe, something that isn't his hands. What does Viktor's skin taste like? Will he find out?)</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows around his dry tongue.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Viktor says, chest rising and falling with his breath, “now you.”</p><p class="western">Nothing happens. Yuuri sits there, frozen in place.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?”</p><p class="western">“Ah, yeah...” Sucking in his next breath, Yuuri reaches a hand around his back for the slider of his hidden zipper. It's an awkward position to be in on every level, his hand unable to manage the twist. Yuuri makes a face at how unnecessarily difficult this is. His fingertips brush the edge of the slider, but can't comfortably grasp it enough to give it a proper tug.</p><p class="western">(There's a reason why Phichit helps him into this particular costume.)</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “Want some help?” He's already crawling over to Yuuri, getting real close. Not any closer than before, but it feels like it all the same. Yuuri's extremely aware of Viktor next to him.</p><p class="western">“S-Sure,” Yuuri murmurs. He twists his torso enough to give Viktor something to work with. It also gives him a chance to look away, get a grip on himself while Viktor makes quick work of his top</p><p class="western">The shush of the zipper splits the silence.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's heart races right along with it. He feels his skin-tight corset giving away; his sweaty skin tingles where the cool air hits it. Goosebumps and hair rise on his arms.</p><p class="western">Viktor pulls the corset off of him. Unlike his shirt, Viktor sets the piece aside with care, far enough to give them space so they won't accidentally roll over and mangle it to pieces.</p><p class="western">“There,” Viktor says, breath hot on Yuuri's cold skin. “Better?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. Still looking away, working his lip between his teeth. “Better.”</p><p class="western">“Good. Now come here.”</p><p class="western">He's hesitant, but the caress of Viktor's hand on Yuuri's cheek has him slowly turning back. He keeps his eyes up and on Viktor's face, not wanting to glance down at himself and acknowledge what Viktor must have seen by now.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's a dancer, albeit one with a stubborn and terrible metabolism, and he works hard to keep a consistent figure for his work and his costumes. There's still traces of his struggles on him, though. Thin, silver lines run across his stomach and even his inner thighs. Anyone can notice them if they know where to look, if Yuuri doesn't go out of his way to cover them with clothes or makeup.</p><p class="western">Which he hasn't tonight. He never expected...</p><p class="western">He knows it's not anything to be ashamed of. Yuuri would never judge anyone else for this. Most people have stretch marks somewhere on their body, even without it being weight related. It's just another natural detail on the human body. And yet it's also hard to convince himself of that most days, for it to not still feel like a personal mark of failure.</p><p class="western">It's even harder to take pride in his body right now when it's the first time someone is seeing him like this, flaws and all.</p><p class="western">He's here to <em>be</em> touched, not just observed from afar.</p><p class="western">That realization makes Yuuri's unease with his one and only body so much more palpable. Is he still desirable, like this? When the flattering costume is pulled away from his body and he's left with who he really is underneath, is he still worth it?</p><p class="western">He expects Viktor to drink in his form and see everything. Yuuri almost looks away again, scared to watch the realization (perhaps even disappointment) play across Viktor's face. Except Viktor's eyes don't stray downwards. Not once. Instead, they hold Yuuri's, steady, calm. Like Viktor's looking at <em>him</em> and not what he has to offer in this hotel bed of theirs.</p><p class="western">“Okay?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">Silent, Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">“Good. Can I touch you?”</p><p class="western">Unable to trust his mouth to work right, Yuuri nods again.</p><p class="western">He doesn't know what Viktor means to do, so he inhales sharply when Viktor places his hands on Yuuri's waist, and dips his head to plant a firm kiss to Yuuri's neck.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks at the bare wall opposing them, confused. He just exposed himself – well, the upper half of himself – and Viktor wants to pay attention to something that has been here the whole time?</p><p class="western">It does feel nice, though... Almost tickles.</p><p class="western">And when Viktor opens his mouth and begins to suck pleasure into skin, Yuuri can't help but let another small moan slip out.</p><p class="western">His hands come up to grip Viktor's bare shoulders, the shape of them soft and firm and so incredibly warm beneath his palms. Curious, Yuuri lets his hands slip downwards, trailing over the map of Viktor's back, feeling his muscles as they work under his skin.</p><p class="western">Viktor hums into Yuuri's neck, almost making Yuuri jump at the sudden sensation. He pulls back enough to promise, “I won't leave a mark on you.”</p><p class="western">“You can,” Yuuri gasps, “if – if you want. I don't mind.”</p><p class="western">Not that he knows enough to mind. But if Viktor wants to, then he'll accept it.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles against his skin. “Maybe next time.”</p><p class="western">Next time?</p><p class="western">Viktor returns to Yuuri's neck, lavishing affection wherever he can reach. The sounds are so close they almost feel like they're inside of him. Viktor's mouth travels upwards, closer to a part of Yuuri that he never knew could be this sensitive. Viktor sucks Yuuri's lobe into his mouth, lightly traces his tongue along the shell of his ear. Yuuri melts in Viktor's arms, lets his head fall towards Viktor's mouth, eyes closing as sensation ripples through him. He feels like he's swaying. He doesn't notice he's falling onto the bed until he feels his back press into the covers, with Viktor following closely after him.</p><p class="western">This time Viktor resides between Yuuri's legs, which are partially folded up and back, his feet planted firmly in the bed. Yuuri's skirt is bunched up around his hips, exposing his thighs and the mini black shorts he has on underneath. Viktor's far too busy to take a look, but a hand runs up the side of Yuuri's leg, fingers lightly dragging across the fishnet enough to pull without tearing it. The sensation has Yuuri biting his lip, wanting more, wanting to know what it'd feel like if Viktor <em>did</em> rip it off of him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri barely bites back another sound.</p><p class="western">Kisses aren't enough now. It's good – but he needs more. He wants to feel Viktor all over.</p><p class="western">Only Viktor still hovers respectfully above him. His head dips low again to indulge the top of Yuuri's chest with more kisses, but his hips remain up in the air.</p><p class="western">It occurs to Yuuri that if he crosses his legs over Viktor's back, he could bring Viktor down. Hold him in place. Maybe... maybe even encourage some more action elsewhere.</p><p class="western">He's seen enough porno to know this part, even if he's never done it before. You kiss, heat each other up, press yourselves against each other, and then you move with purpose. Wouldn't Viktor like that? Isn't that the point of all this? An explosive end?</p><p class="western">If he accomplishes anything tonight, he wants it to be overwhelming Viktor with all the pleasure he deserves. Yuuri wants to be good to him, good <em>for</em> him. As good as Viktor is to him.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri locks his feet at the base of Viktor's back, and urges him to give in.</p><p class="western">There's no resistance. Viktor's body comes down with Yuuri's legs, his hips flush against Yuuri's. He doesn't move, though. It strikes Yuuri as odd. Is he holding back?</p><p class="western">Awkwardly, Yuuri thrusts his hips up experimentally against Viktor's, unsure if he's doing this right, if he's not just embarrassing himself like usual. He's taken aback as Viktor immediately buries his face into the crook of Yuuri's neck and shoulder, his breath shuddering out of him.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri</em>.”</p><p class="western">No one says his name like Viktor does. So dense with want, almost needy with it. Yuuri never thought he'd hear such a thing and love it so dearly. He wants to hear it again.</p><p class="western">Yuuri thrusts his hips again. Rubs himself up and down Viktor's front. It feels good, the burst of pleasure as he moves himself against another body, but he finds himself more focused on Viktor's reaction than his own.</p><p class="western">“<em>Ah</em>,” Viktor gasps. An arm plants itself on the bed next to Yuuri's head, while his other hand goes straight to Yuuri's outer thigh, fingers digging tightly into the tender flesh. He grinds his hips down to meet Yuuri's, pushes him further down into bed, and... yes, that's definitely what Yuuri thinks it is. A certain, unmistakable hardness is pressing into him. He can feel it even through the layer of denim dividing them.</p><p class="western">Yuuri gazes up at the ceiling, riding both Viktor's body and the sudden wave of emotion roiling through him. Viktor wants him. Viktor really, truly <em>wants</em> him.</p><p class="western">It almost feels better than the actual gratification he's getting from their bodies moving together.</p><p class="western">In spite of how evident the answer is, Yuuri has to ask. He needs to know for sure.</p><p class="western">“Feels good?” he means for the worry to sound playful, a mirror of Viktor's earlier teasing, but Yuuri can't help but have it come out as the honest anxiety that it is.</p><p class="western">“Isn't it obvious?” For some reason, Viktor stops and pulls back. Eyes half-lidded, he gazes down at Yuuri with wordless emotion. He doesn't say anything, his eyes flickering across Yuuri's face as though in search of something.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares back, in awe.</p><p class="western">Soft shadows encapsulate Viktor's face, making him look mysterious. His eyes glitter like cool blue crystals in the limited light, and his lips shine from what's left of the metallic blue lipstick. His hair is messy and going every which way, no longer perfectly coiffed like before. It looks better this way, mostly because Yuuri knows he's partially responsible for the state its in now.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks...</p><p class="western">“Beautiful,” Yuuri breathes, the word escaping him before he has to chance to clamp the sudden intensity of his emotions down.</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes go wide. “Yuuri,” he says again, like he's been gifted something he can never replace. He dives back in for another kiss. It's hard and deep, his tongue begging for Yuuri's to come back out to play.</p><p class="western">Yuuri squeezes his eyes shut and gives back as hard as he gets, arms coming up around Viktor's shoulder to hold him close.</p><p class="western">His heart feels so unbelievably full, like it's about to erupt into a million pieces. He'll never be able to put it back together again. Somehow, that's okay. It's okay if it's Viktor who does this to him.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's going to give Viktor everything he deserves. Make Viktor the happiest person on earth. Show him exactly how much he means to Yuuri. And he's going to start now.</p><p class="western">Carefully, cautiously, Yuuri rolls Viktor over.</p><p class="western">Viktor moves without issue. He ends their kiss to look curiously up at him, lips parted as though to speak but saying nothing. His hands go to Yuuri's waist, either to keep him there or to help him sit up, Yuuri's not sure. All he knows is that the heat of Viktor's hand on his bare skin feels nice and stable. A reminder that he's wanted here.</p><p class="western">In spite of that, in this position, looking down at Viktor like this, Yuuri suddenly feels off.</p><p class="western">Something is decidedly not right. He sees Viktor looking expectantly up at him, feels Viktor's hands holding him in place. Yuuri also feels himself going tense. The pleasant feelings from before begin to warp itself into something subtly disquieting.</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't have to think twice about what this feeling is. It's his nerves. He's <em>scared</em>. He's stepped out of the wading pool now, the floor has disappeared under his feet, and he's being pulled further into the deep end. Everything is happening fast, but he can't stop now, not if he wants Viktor keep desiring him after tonight. Yuuri's a full grown adult man, and he's going to do what adult men do.</p><p class="western">He can do this. He <em>can</em>. Just think of it like dancing. He's performing for an audience of one. If he's lucky, maybe this will be unforgettable.</p><p class="western">Yuuri takes a moment to adjust. His legs are splayed across Viktor's, their hips flush together. The bulge in Viktor's jeans is as intimidating as the discomfort of Yuuri's in his tights. But Yuuri eventually finds his balance, his sense of motion, and after propping himself up with his hands on either side of Viktor's head, he goes to move –</p><p class="western">And then is stopped as Viktor's hands on his waist hold him still.</p><p class="western">“Wait,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“What?” Yuuri asks, voice shaky.</p><p class="western">“Maybe... we should slow down.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri frowns, baffled. “Why?”</p><p class="western">“I think we're moving a little fast.”</p><p class="western">Now Yuuri really doesn't understand. This is moving fast? Isn't this what they're supposed to be doing?</p><p class="western">Viktor loosens his grip on Yuuri's waist and rubs small circles into his skin, probably meant to soothe. They feel more distracting than anything. “Don't get me wrong. I want to. I really, really do. But not like this.”</p><p class="western">“Not like what.” It's meant to be a question, but it comes out flat. Almost accusatory. What is he doing wrong?</p><p class="western">“Like...” Viktor pauses, seemingly collecting his thoughts. “Not in a hotel room where Chris might walk in at any moment.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri says, “He's not here, though. He's drinking with my friends. They'll be at it for at least a few more hours.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles up at him. It's pained, more like a wince than anything else. “Yeah, probably. But you deserve better than this.”</p><p class="western">He what?</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows thickly. “I don't understand.” He's starting to feel foolish up here. Who was he to think Viktor would want him like this? Of course he doesn't. Who wants an inexperienced virgin dry-humping them like this? It must be the turn-off of a century.</p><p class="western">Viktor lifts himself up off the bed, trying to meet Yuuri at his level.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, it's okay, I'm not rejecting you, I swear. You didn't do anything wrong.”</p><p class="western">“Then why does it feel that way?” Yuuri forces out. He pushes himself off of Viktor's lap, a little more forcefully than he intends. It's not that bad, he tells himself. It's <em>not</em>. He's not an idiot, he only feels like one right now. He has to compose himself. He can't let Viktor see him like this again, for the second time this weekend.</p><p class="western">Eyes closed, he inhales. Holds. Slowly releases.</p><p class="western">It's doing little to calm him. But he keeps doing it, knowing that it has to work at some point.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” He hears Viktor say. Nothing else follows. It's only when Yuuri opens his eyes and looks at him that Viktor continues. “Yuuri, I would give anything to spend time like that with you.”</p><p class="western">His frown deepens. “Weren't you, though?”</p><p class="western">“I – You're right.” Viktor runs a hand through his hair. “I got caught up in it all. I was so happy, I didn't stop. I'm sorry I let it get that far.”</p><p class="western">“Was I... was I doing it wrong?”</p><p class="western">“You didn't do anything wrong,” Viktor answers, which doesn't quite satisfy his question, but Yuuri wants to chalk that up to his doubts speaking louder than his sense. “You could probably tell, but I loved every second of it.”</p><p class="western">“Okay.” He's skeptical, but Yuuri takes another deep breath and does his best to quiet his nerves. “This is the stupid thing, isn't it? I said it was going to happen. I threw myself at you like some fanboy, and...”</p><p class="western">“No,” Viktor rushes out. “No, no, no, no. It isn't like that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't even begin to try and hide his incredulity. “It's not?”</p><p class="western">“It's not.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri hugs himself, head dipping as he tries to find the right words for how he's feeling. He wishes his corset was still on so he doesn't have to feel like a half-naked dumbass. “I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be like this. This is just – it's a lot. I think I feel overwhelmed right now.”</p><p class="western">“I can tell.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “I'm sorry.”</p><p class="western">“You don't have anything to apologize for, I promise. Can I hug you?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri considers it briefly. He eventually nods.</p><p class="western">Viktor's arms envelope him, and it's instantly a safe place for him to fall into. Yuuri rests his cheek on Viktor's shoulder and closes his eyes, breathing in the lingering scent of Viktor's shampoo and conditioner, the faint smell of sweat from their night spent dancing. Strangely, it doesn't put him off at all. It's consoling, if anything. Viktor's as human as he is, just as messy and confusing and prone to mistakes.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Yuuri wraps his own arms around Viktor's waist. For the first time that night, he enjoys the feel of skin against skin without the expectation of it leading into anything else.</p><p class="western">...That was the problem, wasn't it? He enjoyed everything else just fine, but the second the focus shifted from casual fun towards something more definitive and out of his scope of understanding is when it became too much for him to handle.</p><p class="western">Yuuri wants to give Viktor a good time – but maybe he deserves some time and compassion, too.</p><p class="western">It strikes him then just how incredibly lucky he is that Viktor gives him all of that and more. Anyone else might have gotten frustrated with him, maybe even angry. But not Viktor.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels nothing if not secure here.</p><p class="western">“I think I'm not ready to do those kinds of things yet,” Yuuri admits quietly into Viktor's body.</p><p class="western">Viktor hums. “That's perfectly okay. I don't think I'm one hundred percent ready to go there, either.”</p><p class="western">“But you're not a...” Yuuri stops himself before he can say anything else embarrassing.</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles into his hair. “You're right. I'm not a virgin. Far from it, honestly. But that doesn't mean I'm good to go all the time. Besides, if I'm going to do this with you, I'd want us to take our time. Do it right.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri turns his head to look up at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p class="western">“I mean... Well, picture it. A nice, private room. Doesn't have to be a hotel, but it would be a room that's totally ours. A place you feel cozy and safe in.” Viktor makes a sound, like something important has just occurred to him. “But first, I'd take you out on a date. Somewhere fun, somewhere we can laugh and enjoy each others company. I'd take you somewhere to get your favourite food. Or your second favourite, if we can't find a place that makes good enough katsudon for you. Unless our place has a kitchen, then maybe we can try and make it together. Wouldn't that be fun?”</p><p class="western">“I think we'd make a huge mess in the kitchen and probably burn the pork.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “Probably. But wouldn't it be nice? And then we could take a relaxing walk out in a park. Maybe it's nighttime, maybe we're somewhere we can see the stars. I used to do a lot of stargazing as a teen, I could point out all the constellations in the sky for you.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Yuuri says. He's never done something like that before. Never had anyone to do something like that with. He's smiling now, feeling foolish again, but for an entirely new reason. “I think I'd like that.”</p><p class="western">He can hear the smile in Viktor's voice. “And then I'd take you back to our room, and we'd take our time exploring each other. Kiss all night long. I'd touch you wherever you like, for as long as you like. Explore every inch of you that you want known. And when you finally couldn't stand it any longer, then I'd begin the process of taking you apart until there's nothing left but you writhing on the bed and moaning for release.”</p><p class="western">Heat blooms in Yuuri's cheeks. Is he seriously hearing this right? He's never thought of his first time in such a way. If it ever happened, he always assumed it would be a painfully clumsy process. Something he would do to get it over with, or do to please someone else with no regard for his own wants or desires. It would be quick and painful and done. As crude and technical as “insert tab A into slot B.” Yuuri never pictured his first time being so slow and sweet, so intimate. An experience that starts <em>before</em> the bedroom, a feeling that could be built up in him at his leisure.</p><p class="western">He wants it, though. Now that it seems like something he can fully enjoy and luxuriate in, he yearns for the simplicity of Viktor's fantasy.</p><p class="western">“How does that sound?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“...You remembered my favourite food?” Yuuri asks instead, too embarrassed to admit how touched he feels.</p><p class="western">“Of course I did.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's smile widens. He feels warmth radiating from the inside out.</p><p class="western">“It all sounds so nice,” he confesses. He gazes into Viktor's eyes, a surge of want rushing through him. Not for release, but for affection. He wonders if it's too much to ask for, but in the words of his much wiser friend, he'll never know unless he asks.</p><p class="western">“Viktor... I really like kissing you.”</p><p class="western">With the back of his fingers, Viktor caresses the side of Yuuri's face. “I really like kissing you too.”</p><p class="western">“I might not be ready for the other stuff right now, but, if you want, I'd really like to keep kissing you for a while longer. If that's okay.”</p><p class="western">Viktor ducks his head, leaning his forehead into Yuuri's. He whispers into the small space between them, “It's more than okay.”</p><p class="western">A pleased sound escapes Yuuri's lips, but he's all right with the sincerity of it. He wants Viktor to know how happy he feels in this moment.</p><p class="western">He closes his eyes and leans in. And when Viktor meets Yuuri where he is, he's immersed in pure bliss.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri's not sure how much time has passed. All he knows is that the night feels infinite, and that Viktor's chest is nice and firm beneath his cheek. His hand rests on Viktor's stomach, simply existing. Viktor has an arm around Yuuri's back, his thumb slowly stroking Yuuri's arm as they lie in silence. The only sounds in the room are the air conditioner turning on and off at intervals, Viktor's steady breath in his ear. Even the convention center outside has turned strangely quiet.</p><p class="western">Yuuri feels... calm. Calmer than he can ever remember being.</p><p class="western">His mouth and jaw hurt from all the kissing, but it's a satisfying ache, and not one he regrets in the slightest.</p><p class="western">What he does regret is that the night has to end for them at some point.</p><p class="western">“What time is it?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">Lifting his phone up, Viktor answers, “Almost 2 AM.”</p><p class="western">“Ah.”</p><p class="western">“You probably need to get going soon, huh?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “Yeah. I gotta get up early.” Playfully, he pokes the center of Viktor's chest. “So do you, what with being a hotshot cosplayer and all.”</p><p class="western">Viktor pokes him back. “I'm not the only hotshot here. I saw your line today. It competed with mine at some points.”</p><p class="western">“Pure coincidence.”</p><p class="western">“Sure,” Viktor chuckles.</p><p class="western">With a sigh, Yuuri rises and stretches his arms. “Will you help me get my corset back on? I don't want to walk back in there like this.”</p><p class="western">“You should probably fix your mouth then, too. And your chest. I got a bunch of lipstick on there as well.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances down at himself. Oh. Would you look at that. “I guess you did leave a mark after all.”</p><p class="western">“Not the normal kind.” Viktor turns and stands up off the bed. He adds with a wink, “But it was still fun to leave.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri bites his lip against a smile.</p><p class="western">They spend the next couple of minutes sorting themselves out. Zipping Yuuri back into his costume, taking a makeup wipe (or three) to his mouth and chest. Yuuri takes one look at his wig and decides to not even bother trying to wrestle the thing back on for appearances sake. He doesn't bother with his heels, either. He simply bends down and grabs them by the back and lets them hang at his side.</p><p class="western">“Is this what they call a 'walk of shame'?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs. “I don't know. Do you feel ashamed?”</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri answers honestly. “I feel kind of proud of myself, actually. I got to make-out with <em>the</em> Viktor Nikiforov.”</p><p class="western">Viktor snorts. “Let's call it a walk of pride, then. Be careful, though. One look and your friends will be able to tell.”</p><p class="western">“... Shit. You're right. Phichit is gonna have a field day.”</p><p class="western">“Just walk in with your head held high and don't tell them anything you don't want to.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri mulls the suggestion over. He asks, “Do you want me to tell anyone?”</p><p class="western">“You can do whatever you want,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">Not quite an answer, even if it sounds like one. Yuuri feels the urge to ask what he <em>should</em> tell everyone else if they inquire, but he can't bring himself to. Not when the night has gone so well. Not when everything is ending on a high note.</p><p class="western">Except things aren't ending, yet. There's still one more full day of the con to go. A day and a quarter, if you include Monday morning. There's time to figure things out later.</p><p class="western">(But not <em>that</em> much time.)</p><p class="western">Viktor gets the door for him, stepping aside to let Yuuri out. Only Yuuri doesn't want to leave just yet. Leaving feels like a mistake when there's still so much left unsaid between them. But he has to go at some point. Any later and he might wind up doing or saying something grossly mortifying.</p><p class="western">“I guess,” Yuuri lingers awkwardly in the doorway, “I'll see you sometime tomorrow?”</p><p class="western">“You most definitely will,” Viktor replies. He leans in to plant a quick kiss on Yuuri's cheek. “Good night, Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">“Good night...”</p><p class="western">He hears the door closing behind him as he steps out into the quiet hallway, somehow resists the urge to turn back and ask if he can stay. With nothing left to do but go back to his own room and settle down for the night, Yuuri takes Viktor's suggestion and keeps his chin up as he strolls back to his suite.</p><p class="western">“What the fuck are you doing here?” he hears, the second he opens the door.</p><p class="western">It comes from the sitting area. Everyone's sprawled across the floor or the couch. There's empty and open drinks everywhere, bags of chips and candy and even a healthy veggie tray (that looks like it's been picked at at least a little bit). The TV is on, playing an old sitcom re-run that no one is paying attention to, and for good reason. And that reason is because everyone is staring at <em>him</em>.</p><p class="western">No one else says anything. Christophe arches a curious brow at him but silently sips his mixed drink.</p><p class="western">“Uh,” Yuuri starts. There's not time to even think of what to say, because Phichit is already waving a hand at him, sloshing the rum and Coke in his red cup enough to splatter some of it on his t-shirt. To no ones surprise, he doesn't notice. He always gets like this when he's this drunk: loud and uninhibited and with zero filter.</p><p class="western">(So, more or less like sober Phichit, but with the volume cranked up to eleven.)</p><p class="western">“You're supposed to be wooing the man of your dreams right now!” Phichit continues. “Why are you here?”</p><p class="western">“It's, like, 2 AM,” Yuuri tries again. Phichit's not having it.</p><p class="western">“That's the cowards answer and you know it.”</p><p class="western">“Hey now,” Leo says, motioning for Phichit to lower his voice. “Can we not get a noise complaint this late at night? I don't wanna get kicked out before the con is even over.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, sorry.” Phichit's voice dims, but only in volume, not intensity. “<em>Explain yourself.</em>”</p><p class="western">Mila giggles into his hand. Sara shakes her head and strokes her hand through her drunk girlfriend's hair.</p><p class="western">Yuuri groans. Why are they doing this now, and in front of everyone else to boot? He drops his heels by the door with a hard 'thud' and steps further into the room. “Phichit, it's late. Can't I just go to bed? We can talk when you're not sloshed.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, no!” On shaky legs, Phichit wobbles up from off the floor and stumbles towards the bedroom half of the suite. “I may be drunk, but I also know what you need. Where's your luggage? I'm packing you an overnight bag.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri gapes. “An over ni – Phichit, <em>no</em>.”</p><p class="western">“Phichit, yes!” his friend retorts, loudly.</p><p class="western">Yuuri chases after Phichit, and is immediately stunned by the absolute mess Phichit has made of his luggage in only half a minute. Clothes and things fly over his shoulder and land wherever they may as he finds the “perfect” night shirt, the “right” pants, whatever that means.</p><p class="western">(It apparently means a plain white t-shirt and his homemade, poodle-patterned pajama pants.)</p><p class="western">“But what about my tooth brush, or a shower, or...” Yuuri begins to protest. It's a fools errand, because all it does is remind Phichit that there are other things to throw into the bag he's grabbed for Yuuri's nightly necessities. It just so happens to be a tote bag with the con's mascot character on the side. The generic anime character winks up at him as Phichit shoves the full thing into his arms.</p><p class="western">“Gimme your wig, and get going.”</p><p class="western">“But – ”</p><p class="western">“Do you actually want to be here right now?” Phichit asks, soundly oddly sober in the moment. “Or would you rather be in a hot man's arms?”</p><p class="western"><em>He's not even a man</em>, Yuuri almost blurts. But that's not his secret to tell, so he buries the comment down.</p><p class="western">Phichit's right, anyway. He doesn't want to be here. As much as he loves his friends and wants to hang out with them, he also wants to be back with Viktor. They have so little time before the weekend is over; Yuuri wants to spend every second possible with him. He can feel them ticking away, being wasted with him standing here like this.</p><p class="western">With a sigh, Yuuri hands his wig over. “Fine. I'll see you in the morning.”</p><p class="western">“Yes! We're having waffles,” Phichit says with a big, silly grin.</p><p class="western">Yuuri laughs to himself. “Sounds good.”</p><p class="western">“Have fun, Yuuri!” Guang Hong calls on his way out.</p><p class="western">Hopeless, Yuuri waves good-bye and heads back out.</p><p class="western">He's halfway back to Viktor's room when he realizes that Viktor might already in bed by now. Oh, fuck, what if he's already asleep? Will his friends let him back into the room if Yuuri has to return? Somehow, he doubts it. Phichit will just accuse him of fake-going back to Viktor's room, and turning right around again when he thinks he's waited long enough. Which isn't what happened, but drunk-Phichit won't care or believe him.</p><p class="western">Damn it. He doesn't want to be stuck out here in a hallway all night. And especially not in a skirt and without a shower. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing for a stranger to stumble across at a con, but he doesn't want to be someone else's funny story over breakfast, either.</p><p class="western">Breath held, Yuuri knocks on Viktor's door, and he waits.</p><p class="western">It's a minute before Yuuri hears any noise inside the room. The lock then unlatches, and the door opens.</p><p class="western">Viktor's still not wearing a shirt, but he has a thick, fluffy towel in his arms. His face has been cleared of any trace of makeup, leaving him bare and fresh looking. The suite is dark, but the bathroom light is on. Yuuri can hear the shush of the shower head going.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri? What's wrong? Did you forget something?”</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Yuuri says, only sort of apologetic, “but my friends kind of kicked me out.”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks at him, surprised, but it melts into easy humour and affection. “Well, you better get in here then. I was just about to take a shower, but feel free to take one before me.”</p><p class="western">“That's fine,” Yuuri says, stepping back into the suite. “I can wait till you're done.”</p><p class="western">“You're sure?”</p><p class="western">“Very sure.”</p><p class="western">Viktor closes the door behind him. “Okay. I'll be quick, I'm just washing all this gross sweat off.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods, and watches as Viktor disappears into the bathroom.</p><p class="western">He waits on Viktor's bed. Thankfully, Phichit packed his phone and his charger. (Drunk-Phichit may be ridiculous, but he also never forgets the essentials of a young millennial.) Yuuri scrolls through his Instagram and Twitter pages, catching up on all of the cool photos people have posted over the course of the day. Some of them are even of him. He even stumbles across a clip of him from the lip sync. There's at least a hundred comments, and even more retweets and likes.</p><p class="western">Embarrassed as he is, Yuuri likes the post for later, and keeps on scrolling.</p><p class="western">It's not long before Viktor comes back. He has on a random t-shirt and pajama pants, looking comfy and casual and ready for bed. Whatever body wash he uses smells so much more potent now, especially when he collapses onto the bed next to Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Your turn,” he says. Viktor nods at Yuuri's phone. “Anything good?”</p><p class="western">“Too many things to count. You should check the con hashtag on Insta, there's an amazing court jester version of classic Harley Quinn that you would totally be into. They even have a giant mallet that's almost as big as their torso.” With a yawn, Yuuri sets his phone aside and grabs his night clothes. “I'll be back.”</p><p class="western">“Take your time!” Viktor calls after him.</p><p class="western">Showers are a god-send at cons. Yuuri doesn't understand why anyone would want to avoid one. The hot spray feels so good on his skin, positively refreshing, and he feels better over all as he towels his wet hair and dries his skin.</p><p class="western">(Trying to rub off the leftover glitter that the makeup wipes didn't get is less fun, but oh well. The price you pay to be hot at a dance.)</p><p class="western">When Yuuri returns to the room, Viktor's under the covers. Several of his pillows are propped up behind his head, and he's staring into the blue light of his phone. He looks up when he hears Yuuri approaching, smiling as he sets his phone aside.</p><p class="western">“I set an alarm so we don't sleep in too late. I'll have you back in your room before your liaison notices. Ready for bed?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods. “Um. Should I sleep in Chris' bed, or...”</p><p class="western">Viktor silently pats the space next to him.</p><p class="western">Relieved, Yuuri hops in and dives under the covers.</p><p class="western">“Have you ever cuddled to sleep?” Viktor asks as he follows Yuuri under. It's hard to see Viktor with so little light, but Yuuri can feel him at his side. He knows he doesn't have to reach out too far to find Viktor there. It's a comforting thought.</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri admits, a touch sheepish. “I mean, I've slept in the same bed as my parents when I was really little, and I shared a bed with my sister and Phichit a few times, but I've never really cuddled with anyone before.”</p><p class="western">“Do you want to now?”</p><p class="western">“Can we?”</p><p class="western">He feels Viktor's hand on his arm, a reassuring presence on his skin. “I definitely want to,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“Okay.” Yuuri wets his lips. “How do we...”</p><p class="western">“Well,” Viktor says, a playful tone to his voice. “It's your first time, so let's make you the little spoon.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not entirely sure what that means, but Viktor shows him. Rolling onto their sides, Viktor holds Yuuri back against his front. His arm curls loosely over Yuuri's waist. His hand finds Yuuri's, and their fingers naturally twine together. Yuuri half-expects to feel out of place doing this, but it actually feels pretty good, like their bodies were made to be this close. From head to toe, Viktor's body heat seeps into him. It makes Yuuri wonder if he's warming up Viktor as well.</p><p class="western">“All right?” Viktor whispers in Yuuri's ear.</p><p class="western">“Uh huh.”</p><p class="western">Viktor buries his face into the back of Yuuri's head. He can feel the hidden smile there. “Good night.”</p><p class="western">In a spur the moment decision – because he wants to, because it feels right to do – Yuuri lifts Viktor's hand to his lips, and he presses a soft kiss across the knuckles. “Good night,” he whispers back.</p><p class="western">Viktor's smile grows.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Summary for those who needed to skip anything:</p><p>Yuuri and Viktor take their time kissing, with Yuuri learning different ways to kiss and tease Viktor along the way. Yuuri's wig begins to hurt him, so Viktor suggest he take that (and his hot/sticky corset) off. Yuuri agrees if Viktor takes his shirt off as well. They resume making out, but Yuuri starts to get nervous as things get more serious. With his top off, Yuuri is hyper aware of the stretch marks on his body. He also feels the societal/social pressure to have sex, so he begins to push himself out of his comfort zone because he doesn't want Viktor to regret being with him. Viktor notices that Yuuri is getting tense, and they stop and talk about how they're moving too fast and should slow down/stop. Viktor tells Yuuri that he's not ready to take that step yet either, and that if/when they do, he wants to do it in such a loving and cherishing way that will have Yuuri /wanting/ and ready to take that leap. It's a detailed fantasy about taking Yuuri out on a day-long date, indulging in fun and relaxing things they'll both enjoy, before retiring to a place Yuuri finds comfortable and safe, where they'll take their time enjoying each other. Yuuri likes the sound of Viktor's fantasy and feels much more comfortable than before. Feeling more secure, he and Viktor resume kissing, but with the understanding that it won't go anywhere and is purely for fun/relaxation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. day three: love on my lips</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was originally going to include the next couple of scenes, but we're at 18 pages and I don't want this to be too long, so I added an extra chapter to the list! I specially don't want to rush the next scenes, so I'd rather have a whole extra chapter than to cram it into here.</p><p>This is poor planning on my part, but Yuuri and crew likely should have had a panel on Sunday to even things out. But I only mentioned the 3 before and didn't want to go back and change that so whoopsie doopsie. Let's just say the con was like “yeah just do these couple of panels that fill in these spaces we need and we're good /thumbs up.” Maybe they took in consideration that they haven't guested very much in the past (and certainly not to this level) and decided not to overwhelm them with a lot of stuff, especially when they had a major event under their belt that went beyond a regular panel. I dunno! We can also chalk this up to “this is what happens when you post as you write” if you want. This chapter is already pretty full of stuff so I'm not too worried about it, but I felt I needed to explain this anyway because anxiety (tm).</p><p>Nerd/Cosplay notes:</p><p>For anyone who doesn't know this particular tune, the morning alarm Viktor set is to this music from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The alarm is the first 16 seconds on loop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV3f5mv47OA</p><p>(I've had this as an alarm before and it's actually really nice to wake up to, 10/10, highly recommend)</p><p>For more info on who (and why) Viktor cosplay in this episode, check out the latest cosplay meta thread/s! I'll have info about Kyoshi in the next chapter since that will be more relevant there than here.</p><p>Viktor as Cecil: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1361815637811691526</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">The feel of another body shifting against him is what jolts Viktor awake.</p><p class="western">His eyes fly open, insides lurching like he's been shoved off the top of a high-rise and is plummeting straight to the ground – until he glances down at what's pressed against him and remembers, all at once, with a soft <em>oh </em>buried in his throat, that he's not alone for once.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's here with him.</p><p class="western">Still sound asleep, from the looks of it. Earlier, before either of them drifted off into slumber, they were perfectly curled around each other. Now Viktor's flat on his back, half of his body hanging outside of the covers that are bunched messily up around them both, with Yuuri's body lying haphazardly over him. An arm across Viktor's stomach, a leg over one of his. Yuuri's cheek rests on Viktor's chest, where he can feel the heat of Yuuri's breath puffing through his shirt before the air goes cold again. After some shuffling, Viktor realizes that's not the only cold thing on his chest. There's a damp spot on his shirt, from drool no doubt.</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks down at the man lying on top of him, completely dazed.</p><p class="western">Yuuri likes him. Yuuri's <em>attracted</em> to him. How is something like that even possible? Who would be as into the thought of a masculine Viktor as they are a feminine one, or one who steps completely outside those lines and into something else entirely?</p><p class="western">And yet that's what Yuuri said. With a loving touch, he helped part the curtain hiding the version of himself that Viktor's been denying for years, and then he kissed Viktor like he is the most cherished being in the universe.</p><p class="western">The memory of Yuuri on his lips almost takes Viktor's breath away all over again.</p><p class="western">Hours later, it all feels unreal. He must still be dreaming. Viktor's scared to move and wake himself up, only for him to discover he's alone in his bed.</p><p class="western">...Except that's not the scariest part. Not if he's being honest. What scares him more is Yuuri waking up. For him to open his eyes, remember last night and all that transpired between them, and then discover, far, far too late that those feelings he claimed to have weren't real all along.</p><p class="western">Viktor's heart crumples at the thought.</p><p class="western">Yuuri makes a sound, jerking Viktor out of his thoughts. Yuuri's brow pinches momentarily before the skin smooths out again. He turns his head the other way, burying his face further into Viktor's chest. His hair rustles over the fabric of Viktor's shirt. <em>That</em> feels oddly real.</p><p class="western">Hesitantly, Viktor lifts a hand and places it flat on Yuuri's back, as if to confirm for himself that someone else is actually here. Yuuri is solid beneath Viktor's palm, his body rising and falling steadily as he breathes. He's also unbelievably warm. A more than pleasant contrast to the cool, air-conditioned air around them.</p><p class="western">If this is a dream, then it's a nice one. Viktor's not used to nice dreams. He's not used to dreams at all, really. He falls asleep, and then he's awake, like he blinked and suddenly hours worth of rest were here then gone again. He usually feels rested enough, but there's no lingering wonder, no enjoyable respite from himself and the hard logic of the world he's trapped in.</p><p class="western">Looking down at Yuuri now, Viktor wonders if anything will ever make sense ever again, because there's absolutely no dream or version of reality that can ever hope to compete with this moment. Yuuri being here defies all logic.</p><p class="western">Because of that, he needs to stop questioning this and just... enjoy the moment as is. Before it all ends.</p><p class="western">Viktor closes his eyes, exhales long and slow in an effort to let the tension in his body seep out with it. He rubs small circles up and down Yuuri's back, unable to help himself. Yuuri seems to like the touch; he makes a small, contented sound, though he doesn't stir from his sleep.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles, and hopes whatever dream Yuuri' is having, it's a good one.</p><p class="western">He doesn't know how long he lies there, but eventually his phone lights up in the dark room, and the alarm he set the night before finally goes off. He picked a more distinguishable tune for this particular alarm so he wouldn't accidentally mistake it for his normal one. The cheery sound of the sun rising in <em>Ocarina of Time</em> slowly rises in volume from his phone, the sound twinkling with optimism. It's a bright enough melody to awaken to, but not so harsh as to startle ones nerves.</p><p class="western">In spite of this, it's still a sad thing to hear. It's the sound of this moment coming to an end.</p><p class="western">Regretfully, Viktor dismisses the alarm and begins to sit up.</p><p class="western">To his surprise, Yuuri's hand grips into Viktor's shirt when he does, as if to keep him down on the bed. Viktor almost laughs. Is Yuuri a clingy-sleeper? He wishes he had more opportunities to find out. On a normal day, Viktor certainly wouldn't complain about a clingy lover. Not when he's equally as clingy.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” Viktor says – and immediately stops. Oh no, is that <em>his</em> voice? It's so rough and dry, like his vocal chords have been ground up into gravel. He clears his throat, but it doesn't do any good. He's made only more aware of how dry and scratchy it feels. “Yuuri, it's time to wake up.”</p><p class="western">“Mnn.” Yuuri rolls over, taking most of the covers with him, and buries himself into a giant, poorly wrapped cocoon of resistance.</p><p class="western">Not one to be ignored, Viktor (gently) shakes said cocoon. “Yuuuuuriiiiiii. Wake uuuuuup.”</p><p class="western">His voice comes out even rougher than before. Definitely doesn't sound as soothing and motivating as he wants it, too. Yikes.</p><p class="western">“Don't wanna,” comes the muffled, gruff reply. Yuuri's voice sounds as painful as Viktor's feels. The beginning of the dreaded con crud, Viktor suspects. For both of them. Alas. And still with a full day left to go, too. This should be interesting. He wonders if they'll even have voices left come Monday.</p><p class="western">(<em>Monday</em>, his mind echoes. The day he has to return home.)</p><p class="western">“What if I get you some water?” Viktor offers, hoping it will spark some inspiration in Yuuri to rise. He caresses the back of Yuuri's head, attempting to calm some of his mussed up hair. “It sounds like you need some.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts his head up, but only enough to squint up at Viktor and deadpan, “No, you.”</p><p class="western">Viktor stares.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stares back.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor says, quietly. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want Yuuri to leave, either. But time still moves outside this bed, and they have places to be, obligations outside of here and each other. The last thing he wants is for Yuuri's liaison to panic when he checks in on their group and discovers Yuuri isn't there. It's why he set the alarm so early – on the off chance that they did hit the snooze button, there would still be enough time to get their act together before they could potentially cause a scene.</p><p class="western">(Viktor also doesn't want Seung Gil to freak out when he comes here only to discover Viktor in bed with another guest, but that's neither here nor there right now.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes roam Viktor's face. Whatever they find there has him flopping his head back down onto the bed with a small <em>thwump, </em>defeated<em>.</em> “Water would be nice.”</p><p class="western">“Stay here. I'll be right back.”</p><p class="western">Viktor stretches as he saunters into the kitchenette. The light inside the fridge is piercing in the dark, makes Viktor squint against its harshness even on his walk back to bed. He twists the bottle open, to save Yuuri the effort, and hands it over as he sits back on the bed.</p><p class="western">“Thanks,” Yuuri murmurs, sitting up enough to drink without choking himself. He downs most of it in several gulps. He groans. “That barely did anything.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles sympathetically. “Hopefully it gets better before the con opens.”</p><p class="western">“Hhhhhnnnnn. I don't wanna talk today. D'you think I can get away with silence?”</p><p class="western">“Dunno. Are you cosplaying someone who doesn't talk?”</p><p class="western">“She's technically dead, but she can also be spiritually accessed at basically any point, so, uh... well, shit.”</p><p class="western">Viktor snickers. Nerd logic at its finest.</p><p class="western">Yuuri eyes the remaining half of his drink, then lifts it up for Viktor to take. “You, too. Your voice is completely shredded.”</p><p class="western">“I'm fine – ” Viktor starts, but is cut off as Yuuri shoves it against his hand anyways.</p><p class="western">“Take iiiiiiit.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head, but takes the drink anyway. He sips enough to satiate Yuuri's request before handing it back.</p><p class="western">Yuuri finishes it off. Then stares blankly down at the bed. “Do I have to go?” he asks.</p><p class="western">“Sadly,” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks back up at him, eyes squinting to see Viktor without the aid of his glasses. His hair is a complete mess, thick strands of it going in every direction except down. His eyes are still thick with sleep, and the side of his face that had been pressed into Viktor's chest is a bright and irritated red. Unlike Viktor, there's hardly any stubble along his cheek or jaw, a feature Viktor surely wishes he had most days.</p><p class="western">By most standards, Yuuri looks one hundred percent unpresentable. A sleepy mess that has yet to roll out of bed and greet the day.</p><p class="western">Viktor also thinks Yuuri has never been cuter. A real sleeping beauty who has graciously blessed Viktor with this moment of intimacy.</p><p class="western">“I don't want to,” Yuuri admits.</p><p class="western">“I don't want you to, either.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's lips press into a thin line.</p><p class="western">As true as both statements are, they both know their time is up – for now. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Yuuri finally rolls out of the bed, grabbing his glasses off the night stand as he goes, and goes to gather his things in contemplative silence.</p><p class="western">Viktor watches him, chest going tight. Think. What can he say to alleviate the tension?</p><p class="western">“I have a couple of panels today,” Viktor begins, “so I won't be at my table too much today, but I'll be around the alley.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” is Yuuri's response.</p><p class="western">Viktor's never been too good with one-word responses. At times, they ignite some of the worst worry in him. Set off a million questions, all of them feeling sudden and explosive like a bomb going off. Did he say something wrong? Overstepped into Yuuri's space? What <em>is</em> Yuuri thinking right now? It's hard to tell when he avoids Viktor eye while fumbling with his things like he's anxious to get out of here. That detail alone makes Viktor feel worse. He's starting to suspect he's making Yuuri nervous again.</p><p class="western">Sitting on the bed, Viktor's silent, but his hands tighten into the sheets of the bed in an effort to get a grip on himself as dread claws its way up from the base of his well-earned instincts.</p><p class="western">“What about you?” Viktor asks in an attempt to keep the conversation going. Just because Yuuri said something as small as “okay” doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that. He was just saying he didn't want to leave a moment ago. He couldn't – wouldn't – have changed his feelings about this in the span of a second.</p><p class="western">(Or so Viktor tells himself, anyway. He can never be too sure about these things. A person's feelings can change whenever they want them to.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks up from the nest of clothes he's not too delicately shoving into his overnight bag. “Huh? Oh, we don't have any panels. We finished ours up yesterday.”</p><p class="western">The lengthier response settles some of Viktor's internal bristling. “Wow, lucky. So you're at your table for most of the day?”</p><p class="western">“Pretty much. We were last minute guests, and all they wanted from us were the ones we did. They probably didn't feel like messing with the schedule again so late in the game to fit more stuff in. I dunno.”</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a small noise. “Consider yourself lucky. I have a panel on prop making I'm co-hosting, and then a Q and A not too long afterwards.”</p><p class="western">Fiddling with the handles of his overstuffed bag, Yuuri murmurs, “I wish I could go.”</p><p class="western">Something Viktor's never thought of occurs to him. “Have you been to any of my panels before?”</p><p class="western">“Of course,” Yuuri answers, like the alternative offends him greatly.</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “Sorry. I don't know why I pictured the opposite. I guess it's hard to believe you could be so close, and yet I wouldn't know it. Or know you.”</p><p class="western">“... Yeah. I can't picture it now, either.”</p><p class="western">The conversation stalls there. Maybe it's for the best. Rising off the bed, Viktor leads the way to the door.</p><p class="western">They're both quiet as Viktor unlatches the door and turns the lock. He freezes there. Can't bring himself to open the door just yet. There's a million things Viktor wants to say – or ask – but he doesn't feel strong enough to give voice to any of them. And whatever is going on Yuuri's head, he also keeps to himself. It's hard to tell how Yuuri's doing with his back to Viktor's front, his head lowered in a private bow.</p><p class="western">Or it is, until Yuuri twists around and flings his arms around Viktor's frame. His thick bag swings and bangs against Viktor's back, but the awkwardness of it goes unnoticed as his senses are filled with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">“Ah,” Viktor gasps, almost stumbling backwards. “What's...”</p><p class="western">“I'll see you later, right?”</p><p class="western">Realization slams into Viktor then. Yuuri's not nervous <em>of</em> him. Yuuri's nervous to <em>leave</em> him.</p><p class="western">“You will,” Viktor affirms after catching his breath. And, because he doesn't want to be presumptuous, he adds on a quick, “If you want to. Only if you want to.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's voice vibrates as he speaks into his chest, “I want to.”</p><p class="western">“Then you will. I'll be around. And...” Viktor swallows. “There's always tonight. If you like.”</p><p class="western">“I like.” There's no time to chuckle at the almost childlike nature of the reply, or even breathe a heavy sigh of relief that Yuuri wants to spend more free time together later. Yuuri pulls back, and his eyes bore into Viktor's with an untethered determination that shocks Viktor straight into silence. “And I'll message you. A lot!”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles. “Okay. That sounds good.”</p><p class="western">“You're going to be so annoyed with me, that's how much I'm going to message you.”</p><p class="western">“There's no way that's possible. You could never annoy me.”</p><p class="western">“You say that now,” Yuuri warns.</p><p class="western">“I say that always,” Viktor persists. “But don't do it while you're at your table, okay? Fans come first.”</p><p class="western">“They do. For now.”</p><p class="western">For now? It sounds almost like Yuuri's promising something, though Viktor's not sure exactly what. He's not one to bank on the promises of others, but Viktor wants to live in the fantasy of a hopeful future. He wouldn't believe just anyone – but he'll believe Yuuri, while the magic of each other still has them both dazzled. He'll worry about the rest later.</p><p class="western">Yuuri continues to stare up at him, like there's something else lingering on his tongue, but Viktor knows they both don't have time for this. He opens the door behind Yuuri and urges the other to turn around and get on his way. “You'd better get going, then.”</p><p class="western">“I – I'll see you soon!”</p><p class="western">“Soon,” Viktor promises back. And, because he really cannot help himself, he blows a kiss to chase after Yuuri as he takes his leave.</p><p class="western">To his eternal joy, Yuuri blows one back.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I miss you already</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuriiiiiii, it's only been a few minutes</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I miss you, too &lt;3</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But shouldn't you be doing your makeup right now? You can't miss me too much if you're busy ; )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>nnnnnnnope</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can miss you and be doing stuff. I'm a multitasker</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oooh, noted</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>asdfghjkjhsdfg</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>NOT LIKE THAT</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Or maybe like that, I don't know yet</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">“<em>Yet” he says</em></p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Aaaanyway... we're ordering in breakfast before we get dressed up, and there's no way I'm getting syrup or fruit sauce all over my costume. My makeup doesn't take too long for this one anyway, I've worn Kyoshi so many times I can slap all of the face paint on with my eyes closed, so I'm just lying in bed and relaxing until the feast begins</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wow, luckyyyyy~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm... sitting here, basically. Kind of fixing up my Cecil wig, kind of not because it survived the car ride well enough </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's a good thing you left early btw, Seung Gil just texted to say he's on his way up. I can't imagine how he'd react to seeing you here</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Probably go out in the hallway and scream like a pterodactyl again like on Friday I bet</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Uhhhh never mind! Don't worry about it</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, speaking of! He just texted again. He's me asking what I want for breakfast. He says the lines downstairs are decent so I should order something now before it gets busy. I don't know what I'm in the mood for, though. What should I get?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>There's an amazing breakfast place downstairs! We get waffles every year. Emil's actually grabbing our order right now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You should get some, too! I promise that you won't regret it. The waffles are so thick and fluffy and huuuuge, and there's a ton of options for toppings. You only get the one waffle but you don't need more than that honestly, it's so filling. And you can get bacon as a side! Please don't let me drool over text about the bacon because it will embarrass us both</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri, you drooled on me like all night long, it's far too late for that</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hmmmm it does sound really good, though. Okay, waffles it is!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I DID WHAT?!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>VIKTOR?</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>VIKTOR, ANSWER ME</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sorry, was just in the bathroom. You were saying? :3c</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>ASDFGFKLKJHJK</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Viktor's busy eating his breakfast, marvelling to himself at the perfect balance of sweet and savouriness on his palette, when he hears the door in the main room.</p><p class="western">“Hello?” he calls out.</p><p class="western">Christophe wanders into the room like a zombie. Bags under his eyes, jaw with more stubble than normal, but somehow still looking extremely pleased with himself nonetheless.</p><p class="western">Around a bite of thick, crispy bacon, Viktor inquires, “Have fun?”</p><p class="western">“I should be asking you that,” Christophe replies.</p><p class="western">Eyes levelled at his roommate, Viktor calmly takes another crunchy bite and chews methodically. He assumes everyone in the other room must know something by now. Yuuri can tell everyone else what he wants, if he wants. Viktor doesn't particularly mind. He, on the other hand, will savour the memory of their private time together for a little while longer.</p><p class="western">Christophe flops his entire body onto his bed and instantly curls his arms around one of the puffy hotel pillows. “I think I got, at most, maybe two hours of sleep last night.”</p><p class="western">“Aw, you poor thing.”</p><p class="western">Christophe lifts his head up. In a suggestive voice, he purrs, “I'm willing to bet it's more sleep than you got.”</p><p class="western">“You'd lose that bet,” Viktor retorts.</p><p class="western">His roommate arches his brow, looking genuinely mystified at the comment, but Viktor shucks the rest of the topic off with a quick and polite, “I got Seung Gil to grab you some breakfast, if you're not too hung over for it. It's in the fridge.”</p><p class="western">“Oh. Thank you.”</p><p class="western">Viktor finishes the last few bites of his more than satisfying meal, and then he gets to work. A quick shower to freshen up, a shave and his skincare routine (which is a <em>little</em> more extensive during a con weekend, but only a little bit, he swears), and then it's time to become someone else.</p><p class="western">He throws on his tight black shirt with the deep open neck and matching thick leggings, the “base” of his costume so to speak, and then sits down at his station, where he digs through his makeup for the necessary products. Unlike Sidon, this costume is far more human and requires a more subtle look. As a plus, due to his natural hair colour, Viktor doesn't need to alter his brow very much for it outside of darkening it a few shades to match his reference photos, so there's really minimal effort needed to look halfway decent. Foundation, contour, some eyeliner to intensify and draw attention to his eyes. It's all very basic, especially compared to what Yuuri does.</p><p class="western">It's actually... kind of boring.</p><p class="western">It's easy to look like a generically attractive man. At least for him. It's not something Viktor intentionally takes for granted; he works hard to maintain his appearance, although even he knows he also has very good genes to start with. He's very grateful for them in that regard, but it also means costumes like this can lack the fun challenge Viktor likes to find in trying to occupy the body of an entirely different person.</p><p class="western">People are more than satisfied with his natural looks when it comes to characters like this. Nightwing, Loki, Cecil... They're pleased enough to see Viktor's face with just enough effort put in to make himself to make his features pop on their screens, but not going so far as to stray into less acceptable territory.</p><p class="western">Viktor, however, is not.</p><p class="western">He almost wishes he could ask Yuuri what he could to really add some <em>wow</em> to his appearance. Surely he would have ideas. But Yuuri disappeared a short while ago after warning Viktor he would be away to shower and get dressed. Viktor really doesn't want to bother him while he's busy preparing for the day.</p><p class="western">(He almost wishes Cecil's eyes were a more unnatural hue so that he could change at least that aspect of his face.)</p><p class="western">With a small sigh, Viktor leaves his station and goes to his luggage to dig the rest of the costume out. Most of it has been carefully stowed away in a large box, so as to prevent damage over the course of the trip here. He smiles at the sight of the blue and white worbla armour sitting inside, and begins to hoist them out and into the open once again.</p><p class="western">“What's that?” he hears off to the side.</p><p class="western">Viktor glances at Christophe, in the middle of adjusting a piece on his shoulder, then follows his roommate's pointing finger over to the brand new makeup bag sitting on the nightstand in between their beds.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's gift.</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Viktor says, “it's from Yuuri.”</p><p class="western">“What is it? It looks like a makeup bag.”</p><p class="western">“...It is,” Viktor admits.</p><p class="western">Christophe hums into a bite of his banana and hazelnut waffle. “Did he find some new amazing foundation he needed to share?”</p><p class="western">“Not exactly.” Viktor pauses, considers whether or not he wants to be honest. He stares back at his friend until he finds it in himself to say, “It's stuff I don't have, actually.”</p><p class="western">“What don't you have?”</p><p class="western">“... Lipstick?”</p><p class="western">Christophe's brow lifts. “Lipstick? When was the last time you wore something like that?”</p><p class="western">“Forever ago.”</p><p class="western">“Hm. Interesting.”</p><p class="western">Christophe's tone is relatively neutral, but Viktor can feel tension rising in his back all the same.</p><p class="western">“You think it's weird,” he guesses.</p><p class="western">“Only because you haven't worn that stuff in a long while. Were you thinking of experiment with it again?”</p><p class="western">“Would it be bad if I did?”</p><p class="western">“No,” his friend answers, completely catching Viktor off guard. It's so short and simple, uncomplicated by anything else. Christophe shrugs. “It's just beauty supplies. Yuuri wears it all the time, and I for one absolutely live for it.”</p><p class="western">Shoulders falling, Viktor asks with the beginning of a smile on his face, “He makes it look good, doesn't he?”</p><p class="western">“It is literally unfair how good he looks in anything, my friend.”</p><p class="western">Viktor chuckles. “I couldn't agree more.” He picks up the makeup bag and unzips it. “Wanna see what he got me? There's some really nice stuff in here.”</p><p class="western">Setting his foam container aside, Christophe scoots closer to the edge of his bed and leans in to take a look.</p><p class="western">“My, oh my. There's quite a collection here. And all new, too,” Christophe comments, sorting through the bag with his fingers. The products inside click and clack as he does. “Lipstick, mascara, liquid eyeliner... have you ever tried liquid eyeliner? I hear it's quite a pain. You almost need the precision and pressure sensitivity of an artist to get it right.”</p><p class="western">“I haven't,” Viktor answers. He's seen his fair share of “liquid eyeliner fail” videos online to have an idea of what to expect, but he feels more excited than intimidated by it than anything else. It's a challenge worth exploring. “It'll be fun to play with, once I get the hang of it. I can think of several characters who would look much better with liquid liner over pencil.”</p><p class="western">“I can, too.” Digging deeper into the bag, Christophe pulls out an all too familiar looking tube: the brilliant blue lipstick from last night.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares at it, his heart aflutter.</p><p class="western">“Oh, this is pretty. Looks like it's already open, though.”</p><p class="western">Without a word, Viktor holds a hand out; Christophe drops it into Viktor's palm. For a moment neither of them say a thing, as Viktor turns the tube over and lets the memories of Yuuri's love and tenderness sweep over him anew. Memories of delicacy and intention and more affection than Viktor's ever felt in his whole life.</p><p class="western">It's strange, but he almost wants to cry.</p><p class="western">He's doing that a lot these days.</p><p class="western">It must show on his face, because the next moment has Christophe tilting his head, studying him carefully. “Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“Hm?”</p><p class="western">“How <em>did</em> last night go?”</p><p class="western">“... Amazing,” Viktor breathes. He feels so full of emotion, like Yuuri's breathed it into him and now his chest is ready to burst. He doesn't know how he's able to stand there so still and calm when it feels like his soul is quivering. “The best night of my life, I think.”</p><p class="western">“You're not going to tell me any anything, though.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs softly and shakes his head. “Maybe someday.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Christophe relents, if a touch reluctantly. “So long as you had a good time. That's all I care about.”</p><p class="western">“Is it?” Viktor lightly teases.</p><p class="western">“Maybe not <em>all</em>, but I'll forget the rest for now. So,” Christophe loosely crosses his legs and leans back on his hands, “are you two official now? If we have a new cosplay couple, I want to be the first to hear of it.”</p><p class="western">Just like that, the fullness in Viktor's body deflates, and he's left empty.</p><p class="western">“I don't know.”</p><p class="western">Christophe echoes back a baffled sounding, “You don't know?”</p><p class="western">“It... hasn't come up. Yuuri didn't say anything when he got back?”</p><p class="western">“No, he didn't tell us anything. Viktor,” Christophe starts, but Viktor shakes his head and returns the lipstick to the bag.</p><p class="western">“I just want to enjoy the rest of the con. We can worry about that another time.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know how you can enjoy a con with something like that looming over you, but all right. Do you need help with your armour?” Christophe pokes a finger at the one piece still sitting askew on Viktor's shoulder. “Watching you struggling to set this piece on right is a little painful to watch.”</p><p class="western">“Please,” Viktor says. He stays still as Christophe attends him.</p><p class="western">There's many parts to Cecil Harvey: intricately painted blue, gold, and white armour that cover him from collarbone to toe, shoulders and arm pieces with jutting, curved spikes that he needs to be mindful of as he moves, and a long, sweeping cape that almost touches the floor. Viktor did his best to recreate the otherworldly grace and power of Yoshitaka Amano's art style from the early 90s, combined with the more concrete designs from the Final Fantasy IV DS remake and Cecil's Dissidia incarnation. It took a good two months and a lot of re-doing to get everything exactly right, but it was a labour of love Viktor not once regretted.</p><p class="western">When Christophe's done, they double check everything to make sure nothing will fall off or get lost in the hustle of the con floor. Satisfied that everything is secure, Viktor goes for the last pieces of his cosplay: a blue and gold headband, and a shoulder-length, wavy white haired wig that he meticulously styled to perfectly frame his face with its layered pieces. Gem-like blue beads that he adhered to the wig fibers shimmer in the light as he lifts it up. Flipping it upside down, he bends his head down as best he can to fit the wig snugly on.</p><p class="western">When Viktor lifts his head again, he's no longer himself. He's a noble Lunarian Paladin. And he's thankful for it.</p><p class="western">(...Maybe not as thankful for the wig hair almost stabbing him in the eye as soon as he's upright again, but he brushes it aside and does his best to get everything in order.)</p><p class="western">“Perfect,” says Christophe. “Stunning as always.”</p><p class="western">He doesn't doubt his friend's word, but Viktor wanders over to the wall-length mirror near the bathroom to take a more critical look anyway.</p><p class="western">He looks... good. Tall and handsome like normal. The spikes on his shoulders make him appear much broader than usual, even moreso than Sidon, but the design of the rest of the armour gives the illusion of a more cinched waist, and the added decorative cloth, sword, and pack hanging off both sides of his hips give extra padding. Combined, everything feels balanced. Viktor's not feeling particular masculine nor feminine today – he's not entirely how he feels today – but he eyes the more androgynous shape of himself, and a bubbly feeling floats up inside him all the same, not at all unlike the feeling when Yuuri revealed his own face to him last night.</p><p class="western">Viktor wishes he could feel like this all the time.</p><p class="western">He looks at his face now, half hoping the feeling becomes as overwhelming as the night before, that the completion of the costume on him will make every piece snap into place... but he frowns when he realizes it still doesn't fit the rest of him.</p><p class="western">Christophe comes up from behind him. “What's wrong? Something poking your side?”</p><p class="western">“No.” Viktor sighs. “Just... not one hundred percent content with this.” He gestures vaguely to his head.</p><p class="western">“Your makeup, you mean? It's the same as always.”</p><p class="western">“That's the problem,” Viktor says. “I'm missing something, but I don't know what that is.”</p><p class="western">Clucking his tongue, Christophe stares at Viktor's reflection for a long moment. And then his expression lights up. “Well, you just got a bunch of new makeup.”</p><p class="western">Viktor freezes. “You mean...”</p><p class="western">“Why not? You just said you want to play around with some of it. You can start now.”</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows. Could he? <em>Should</em> he?</p><p class="western">Technically, he still has plenty of time before he has to head out; Seung Gil won't be back to retrieve him for at least half an hour. If he doesn't like the look of something, he has the time to wipe it off and correct his mistakes. So it's not as if he's trapped into whatever mistake he might make, should he decide to make it at all.</p><p class="western">Quietly, Viktor slips his phone out of the pack hanging against his hip, and he brings up his reference photos. He scrolls through them, zooming in on Cecil's face on the more detailed ones, and he thinks.</p><p class="western">Every single thing in that makeup bag isn't what men typically wear. He would be undoubtedly feminizing his appearance in some way if he adds anything from it. Altering it in a way anyone can and will notice at a single glance. There's no getting around that. Not that he wants to – but he's not sure if he can take that step yet, either.</p><p class="western">He should be terrified right now. He can already hear the confusion and disapproval from con attendees, their whispers in his head twisting his gut into something uncomfortable.</p><p class="western">Except part of him wants to know how it would look. More than that, he wants to know how he would <em>feel</em> with the additional makeup on. He felt wonderful last night, and part of him suspects he can reach a similar delight if he takes even just a few steps in that direction again.</p><p class="western">If he genuinely looks and feels better with it on, doesn't that matter more than what strangers think?</p><p class="western">...Strangers who inevitably decide his income, he has to remind himself.</p><p class="western">But it's not as if everyone person he'll see today is a patron. What if the attendees downstairs love it?</p><p class="western"><em>They love Yuuri</em>, he reminds himself again. He can't count the number of times he's looked up from his table this weekend to see someone gazing at Yuuri with stars in their eyes. The very same ones Viktor knows are in his. And not once did those stars disappear when Yuuri opened his mouth and talked to them.</p><p class="western">What's more, almost an <em>entire room</em> full of people turned up just to hear Yuuri talk about how he does all this, because they admire the craft and want to understand it better. Something Viktor, years ago, could never have imagined ever happening.</p><p class="western">Scared as he feels, he can't deny that the scene is slowly changing. Doesn't he owe it to himself to find out how much so? Doesn't he owe it to himself to do what <em>he</em> wants, and not what others expect?</p><p class="western">Hands clammy, Viktor continues to stare down at the image of Cecil on his phone. He's lost count of the hours he's spent carefully studying these pictures, and yet he can sense he's missing something. What isn't he seeing?</p><p class="western">He forces himself to stop looking at Cecil's face as a whole, and roams his eyes over specific features. Sharp nose? Check. Sharp eyes? Check. Lips...</p><p class="western">He finally sees it.</p><p class="western">When he does, Viktor suddenly recalls something from the night before. A minute detail lost in the maze of last nights memories, only to feel like a beacon now, pointing him towards the way he seeks.</p><p class="western">“Wow, someone lit a fire under your ass,” Christophe laughs as Viktor charges toward the makeup bag.</p><p class="western">“Because I just remembered something. Where is it... here!”</p><p class="western">Rummaging through the makeup bag, Viktor quickly finds it: a tube of liquid purple lipstick.</p><p class="western">Christophe wanders over. “Interesting choice.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know how I missed it. Cecil's lips are tinted purple in almost all of these pictures,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“A tint is a little different from full blown purple lips. Are you going to dilute it?”</p><p class="western">After a pause, Viktor shakes his head. “No. I want to see it like this. As bold and bright as it naturally is.”</p><p class="western">To his relief, Christophe doesn't question it any further.</p><p class="western">The plastic crinkles as Viktor unwraps the opening. He twists the top off, revealing the long stick inside and the curved doe foot, covered in thick liquid amethyst purple. Viktor's never used liquid lipstick before. It wasn't a thing when he still wore this kind of makeup as a teenager. It can't be all that different, he reassures himself. He has nothing to be scared of.</p><p class="western">Returning to the wall-length mirror, his sword hilt banging noisily against his hip as he goes, Viktor leans in close, and he begins to trace the edge of his lips with the doe foot.</p><p class="western">It's relatively simple, yet an entirely new experience. It feels so much different to the regular tube lipstick he wore last night. Almost like he's painting his lips rather than rubbing product on. The formula creates a much cleaner edge than he expects; he only has to go over the same spots again because the product got thin in a few areas and needed an extra hand. He goes slow so as not to overdraw or slip and get any of the product on the rest of his face.</p><p class="western">Viktor holds his breath as he begins filling in the rest of his lips.</p><p class="western">That floaty feeling fills him up again even before he's done. Viktor's heart races, but it's not from fear, it's from exhilaration. He feels <em>good</em>. The physical sensation of lipstick covering his sensitive flesh reminds him of being wrapped up in the arms of someone who cares about him, of being kissed tenderly. It feels so incredibly right. Like this is how he's truly meant to feel and look, and the normal him is the costume after all.</p><p class="western">Maybe it's still under the guise of being someone else, but he feels a step closer to who he wants to be.</p><p class="western">When he finally pulls back, and looks at himself as a whole and not an isolated piece, Viktor's long held breath finally releases. Yes, this is much more like it. <em>This</em> is him. His eyes prickle at the corners, but he holds back the swelling emotion. The euphoria from before... it really wasn't a once in a lifetime feeling. It's still within reach. Maybe it always has been.</p><p class="western">“Wow,” he hears. Viktor almost thinks it's his own voice, but he becomes aware of Christophe standing there as he continues speaking. “That's a very flattering colour on you.”</p><p class="western">Viktor dares to ask, “You think?”</p><p class="western">“Absolutely. It really brings the whole look together.”</p><p class="western">Before he even realizes it, Viktor's cheeks are already beginning to hurt from the strength of his smile.</p><p class="western">“Another,” he says, going back for the makeup bag again.</p><p class="western">“Another what?”</p><p class="western">“Just one more thing... I want to see how far this can go.”</p><p class="western">Christophe laughs.</p><p class="western">Viktor decides on mascara as his last step. He doesn't want to add too much to his face. He could risk ruining the illusion, creating something he's not yet comfortable showing the world. But he remembers the feel of his long lashes fanning across the tops of his cheeks when he blinked, how mesmerizing they made his cool eyes look in the mirror, and he wants that again. He's thankfully far more experienced with this, so it's not long before his lashes are fully coated. Each stroke of the bristled brush brings him one step closer to where he needs to be.</p><p class="western">“I almost feel like this is how this costume was always supposed to look,” Christophe says when he's done. “You needed just a little extra to truly achieve that pretty boy look.”</p><p class="western">So elated with himself, the 'boy' part of the comment slides effortlessly off Viktor like water. For once he doesn't care what someone else sees. How he feels is far stronger.</p><p class="western">He feels unstoppable.</p><p class="western">“I think so, too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. us, together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I drew art for chapter 28! For those who are interested in some soft, gentle eye fucking on a hotel bed, here you go: </p><p>twitter: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1369393699541684224<br/>tumblr: https://rosereleasestheart.tumblr.com/post/645214077973610497/yuuri-and-viktor-in-a-scene-from-chaper-28-of-my</p><p> </p><p>Nerd/cosplay notes:</p><p>The timing of this is coincidental – I've been planning for Yuuri to cosplay Kyoshi for months – but Eugene from The Try Guys cosplayed as Avatar Kyoshi a little while ago! So if you wanna see how badass this can look in person, check this video out. I basically headcanon that Yuuri looks this good/awesome in person. It was really extremely motivating getting to see someone do this while I was gearing up for Yuuri to dress as her:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UCRy47gFKA</p><p>Unfortunately, the internet doesn't want to tell me what exactly Kyoshi wears, so I've had to go with what little I've found from other fans of the show. I'm not 100% on her wearing a kimono specifically because it's not 1:1 with the info on kimonos I've found online, but I'm not sure any other word works either? I might also be that ignorant/not looking in the right places, though. If anyone knows a more accurate comparison, please do enlighten me and I'll edit the text!</p><p>Here's what the gang are in this chapter:</p><p>Yuuri – Kyoshi<br/>Phichit – Sokka<br/>Guang Hong – Aang<br/>Leo – Zuko </p><p>Some conventions do have cosplay repair stations as an actual thing! Someone basically hangs out and helps anyone who needs some basic mending, such as if a piece fell off, or a stitch came undone. Very handy!</p><p>A “quiet room” is what it says on the label. It's a newer thing at cons, but as people are becoming more aware of how overwhelming the noise, heat, and crowd at a con can be, especially for people who are especially sensitive to these things, many cons are now offering a room with seats and water where people can just sit down and recharge. These are especially handy if your hotel/car is far away from the convention, or isn't always accessible when you need it. If you want to attend cons but are worried about these sorts of issues, look into if the con offers this! (And if not, recommend that they do. You certainly aren't the only person in need of such a space.)</p><p>Yes, small kids absolutely love (loved?) the shit out of FNAF. The games aren't all that scary necessarily (unless jump scares get you, which they do for me, so I get you lmao) but they are disturbing if you dig into the lore. But hey, every generation has that one or two questionable thing/s we all got into as a means of safely exploring fear and what not, I ain't judging.</p><p>Some cosplayers do attend birthday parties dressed up as kid friendly/favourite characters (or charity events). Think Disney princesses, Marvel or DC superheroes, etc. I'm sure someone out there has said “my kid and their friends are really into this weird animatronic crap, might as well get one of those in here.” Viktor does attend kids parties, but only locally, and mostly for the ones on his street who like to stare at him working/try to befriend him to find out what he's doing. I just really like the idea of him being all “Sure, I'll come 'scare' your kid for free.” Except the kids aren't scared, they're all playing hide and go seek with the big Fox Pirate instead lmao</p><p>I also have no idea if such a sexy Foxy pillow case exists, but if it does, that's hilarious and I want to see it. (Who am I kidding. It does.)</p><p>Cosplay thread updates! Check out the extras here:</p><p>Viktor: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1370160619601719296</p><p>Yuuri: https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart/status/1370162125986009093</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Viktor keeps his eyes forward as he moves through the thickening convention crowd.</p><p class="western">He could call the feeling building inside him courage. The bravery that comes with the exhaustion of keeping a once terrifying force at bay, before finally letting the inevitable sweep the shore, no longer afraid of its devastating power. Except that's not what it is. It's nerves. Purple boldly paints his lips, but he's still afraid. Fear quakes in his belly with each step taking him further away from the safety of his private suite and deeper into the rabble. He doesn't know how he hasn't already tripped on the mini heel of his boots, or turned tail and fled back to his room to “fix” himself for the public.</p><p class="western">It's almost funny. How elated and free he can be in private – and how fast it all crumbles into nothing when he's out here in the world.</p><p class="western">He refuses to turn back now, though. He has to power through. He does it by pretending no one can actually see him as he is, that he's an unseeable, untouchable force gliding through space, but it works. Even if it is a lie he can't hold onto for too long.</p><p class="western">At the very least, he's not alone. Seung Gil leads the way, currently on his phone and talking to a panicked volunteer. Christophe is at his side, expensive camera hanging around his neck. He smiles at the noise around them like he's already trying to fish out potential clients to fill his free time in coming day. He promised to hang around the table when he can, but it does mean he'll be gone at some point, leaving Viktor to his own devices. Who is to say Seung Gil will be around much today, either? He said he would be here, but who knows what will happen with the frantic conversation going on over his phone...</p><p class="western">Viktor grips the hilt of his fake sword and squeezes.</p><p class="western">They finally reach their destination. Viktor wastes no time getting right to work with Seung Gil aiding him. They make sure nothing went missing overnight and that his inventory still adds up, tidying up his table as they go so that it's presentable for the public. Viktor counts and recounts the money he left in his portable till to start his day off with, making sure he didn't somehow screw up his prep work. He can't remember the last time he messed something like this up, maybe not since he started tabling at cons as a full time career and not a side hustle to help pay for his bills and justify his expensive hobby, but that doesn't mean he wants a repeat of an old mistake. Not when he's already made it through most of the weekend unscathed.</p><p class="western">He's already risking a lot, being here like this. He can't control how others respond to him, but he can control everything else.</p><p class="western">As usual, everything is in its place, accounted for and ready to go. He can sit down and relax until the con opens if he wants to. And yet Viktor goes over everything again and again, because it gives him something concrete to fuss over. It distracts him from the constant feeling of lipstick sitting on his mouth, and the way his lips keep rubbing together in a constant reminder of their current state.</p><p class="western">“Viktor?”</p><p class="western">He barely glances Christophe's way. “Uh huh?”</p><p class="western">“Look up.”</p><p class="western">“I'm a little busy right now.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Christophe says in a firm, level voice, “you're <em>never</em> too busy for this.”</p><p class="western">Confused, Viktor looks up. And then he completely forgets himself as his breath is taken away for the hundredth time this weekend.</p><p class="western">He almost doesn't recognize Yuuri as he walks into the alley. It's hard to when Yuuri is covered completely from head to toe. He comes in adorned in a variety of cool, intriguing colours: chartreuse and emerald green, teal, earthy brown, gold. His sleeves are large and loose, and they tuck into the beginning of his leather-like arm bracers. A long skirt hides his legs, though Viktor can make out heavy boots peaking out through the fabric as Yuuri walks. And covering his torso, very much a center piece of the costume, is a brilliant green short sleeved kimono. The fabric is shiny and crisp, silk if Viktor is guessing right, with some interfacing sewn in to help keep its intended shape. It contrasts the easy flow of the rest of Yuuri's costume, and it's trimmed beautifully with a dark green that is lovingly detailed with gold leaves, vines, and small flowers. A dark green obi sits at the middle, defining his waist amongst the many layers of fabric.</p><p class="western">The costume doesn't stop there. Yuuri's rounded face is painted in white, with subtle grey contour applied to his cheeks, nose, the line of his jaw, and just beneath the pout of his bottom lip to bring back dimension to his features. Sharp red accents his eyes and lips, with thick, black lining his eyes and brow, which extends all the way up to his hairline. Combined, everything gives his normally large and friendly eyes a heavier and more intimidating glance. Long brown wig hair is gathered into a low ponytail just below his neck. And last, but certainly not least, a golden headdress stands tall atop his head, with twin tassels dangle down on each side.</p><p class="western">Viktor stares, utterly helpless.</p><p class="western">He feels even more so when Yuuri finally looks back in his direction.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stops walking when he does. His friends continue on, unaware that their friend has fallen behind.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't have to guess why Yuuri's stopped. Even from across the large room, he <em>must</em> have noticed.</p><p class="western">At first, Yuuri doesn't do anything. Just stands there, eyes burning straight into Viktor's from across the way. Then he lifts his hand, which draws Viktor's attention to something long and golden in his grasp. Yuuri snaps his wrist, and his fan explodes loudly to life.</p><p class="western">(Even from afar, Viktor jolts at the suddenness of it.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri proceeds to gently fan himself, slow and steady, no doubt already hot beneath all the layers of his costume and needing the relief. Except his eyes continues to watch Viktor over the fan from afar, which makes the fanning feel decidedly like something else...</p><p class="western">Viktor has to remind himself to breathe. Yuuri as Avatar Kyoshi. <em>Holy shit.</em></p><p class="western">Transfixed, Viktor watches as Yuuri catches up with his friends at their table down the lane, where the four of them start on their own prep. They're arriving a little later than usual; Viktor wonders if they had some trouble getting ready this morning. Although it is normally much harder to herd an entire group of cosplayers from one place to another versus Viktor all by himself. Emil doesn't look particularly stressed, so perhaps they're still right on their personal schedule.</p><p class="western">(It's almost funny, considering that Phichit, Leo, and Guang Hong have brought to life their own renditions of season three Sokka, Zuko, and Aang, respectively. It's like watching a regular human from their world and an green clad Avatar elder herding kids around.)</p><p class="western">“Glad you looked?” Christophe asks with a smirk.</p><p class="western">“Are you?” Viktor retorts.</p><p class="western">“Well, seeing as this is all <em>I</em> get to see, yes, yes I am.”</p><p class="western">Viktor snorts. Someone's a little jealous. Someone is also not going to successfully needle out any private information, not so long as Viktor can help it.</p><p class="western">Christophe nods in the direction of Yuuri's table. “Go say hi.”</p><p class="western">Viktor hesitates. “I shouldn't...”</p><p class="western">“Why not? We're all fine here. You have time.”</p><p class="western">“Seung Gil needs me here,” Viktor begins to say, except as he does, Seung Gil's cell phone rings. His liaison, who had been in the middle of cleaning up the space behind the table, inhales deeply and squeezes his eyes tightly shut before reaching deep into his back pocket for the offending device.</p><p class="western">“He's fine,” Christophe says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “He's going to be busy for at least another ten minutes.”</p><p class="western">Viktor clenches his jaw.</p><p class="western">He wants to go over. Of course he does. He doesn't know when he'll get another chance to talk to Yuuri until later tonight. He should take advantage of every second he can grab a hold of. Only he's nervous to move through the room and draw attention to himself. Which is ridiculous, when he thinks about it. Dressed the way he is, he <em>wants</em> attention on him. It's the whole point of his job.</p><p class="western">Why is he still acting like this? He chose to put the lipstick on, and he feels <em>amazing</em> in it, goddammit. He can't let himself shrivel in the eyes of the public like this.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's clearly already noticed. Wouldn't he want to see what Viktor's done to himself up close?</p><p class="western">Viktor almost doesn't want to admit it, but he needs to hear Yuuri's reaction. His approval. Viktor needs the extra support to keep him standing tall for the day to come, even if he's not so sure he deserves it, or should be asking for it in the first place...</p><p class="western">But he <em>does</em> want to see Yuuri, one way or another. He refuses to be a coward about that.</p><p class="western">So with a deep breath, Viktor turns and heads down the alley.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's back is turned away as Viktor approaches. He casually fans himself as he replies to something Leo said.</p><p class="western">Leo glances up as Viktor draws near, and a grin spreads across his face. “Hey, Viktor,” he greets, interrupting whatever Yuuri was in the middle of saying.</p><p class="western">Startled, Yuuri spins around. This close, it's easy to see Yuuri's boots add another inch or two to his height. Still shorter than Viktor, given his own added heel, but still noticeably taller than normal.</p><p class="western">“Viktor, what are you...”</p><p class="western">Out of the corner of his eye, Viktor sees Yuuri's friends stepping back, even yanking a confused looking Emil along with them, giving the two of them some extra space to talk. He makes a mental note to thank them later.</p><p class="western">“I thought I'd drop by before the doors open,” Viktor answers honestly. “You look fantastic, by the way. Utterly jaw dropping.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “This is nothing compared to you. Have you seen yourself lately? You look like you stepped right out of a fantasy art book. I could stare all day if it weren't weird.”</p><p class="western">“You say that as if I wouldn't be stupidly okay with that,” Viktor teases. “But I could easily say the same about you. You must be dying under all that face paint. My face felt like melting yesterday, but at least I wasn't also wearing all that at the same time.” He gestures broadly to Yuuri's many layers of clothing.</p><p class="western">“I'm kind of dying,” Yuuri admits, “but only a little bit. I'll manage. It's not as bad as it looks.” He pauses, then confesses on the next breath, “I was actually going to come see you, but I guess you beat me to it.”</p><p class="western">He sounds pleasantly surprised by the switch. Not at all put off by Viktor approaching him instead of the other way around. It makes Viktor's lips lift in a small smile.</p><p class="western">“So...” Yuuri trails off. He seems to consider his next words. “Other than looking like a hot Paladin model, how are you?”</p><p class="western">“I'm good.” Viktor brushes wig hair out of his eyes. “Notice anything different about me?”</p><p class="western">“Are you kidding? Of course I did. I do have contacts in, after all.” Yuuri smiles as he says this. “How are you feeling with it on? I thought you said you weren't going to wear any of it in public.”</p><p class="western">“My costume didn't feel right without a more feminine touch,” Viktor admits to him. “I wasn't sure what exactly was missing at first, but I decided to take a chance. I'm honestly pretty glad I did.”</p><p class="western">“It looks amazing on you,” Yuuri says. “Both the lipstick and mascara. I knew they would. They suit you so well.”</p><p class="western">Just like that, weight is lifted off Viktor's back. Not all of it, but enough for him to feel like he can shoulder the rest of it with more ease. How is a simple, honest reply from someone he holds dear such an easy cure to what ails him? Viktor can't help but grin back as joy unfurls its wings inside him and takes flight.</p><p class="western">“You really think so?” He doesn't know why he asks, he knows what Yuuri's answer will be. He still needs to hear it out loud, though. He's greedy for it.</p><p class="western">Yuuri does answer, but because he's always full of surprises, big and small, it comes out not as a simple “yes, I do,” but as a far more playful, “You're damn right I do.” Yuuri fans himself a little faster. “If we weren't here right now...”</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow lifts. “If we weren't here...?” he prompts.</p><p class="western">Yuuri lifts his fan higher, enough to cover his face up to his eyes. “Guess.”</p><p class="western">Pleasure heats up in Viktor's belly. There's no way – oh, but he must be. Yuuri's laughing airily behind his fan, suddenly turned shy at his own forwardness.</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri,” </em>Viktor mock-scolds. “You can't just imply things like that here and expect to get away with it.”</p><p class="western">“Why not? Isn't this what I'm supposed to be doing?”</p><p class="western">“Because,” is all Viktor can come up with. He's not quite tongue-tied, but his brain sure feels like it is with Yuuri openly flirting with him like this. Now that Viktor knows it really, truly <em>is</em> flirting.</p><p class="western">Yuuri shoots back, “Because what?”</p><p class="western">“Because now I want to know what you're thinking of doing. To me, specifically.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri immediately falls quiet. The sort of silence where one doesn't know how they got into this situation and are now frozen in place, unable to move in any direction, let alone deescalate. After a long moment he glances away. Viktor hears a small sigh release behind the fan. Yuuri says in an apologetic tone, “I – sorry. I honestly don't know. I know I'm not the greatest at this, but I'm trying. I don't really know what I'm doing – ”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, you're perfect,” Viktor gushes before Yuuri can even think of finishing that sentence. How Yuuri can think he's less than perfect at anything will never make sense.</p><p class="western">“Even if I can't be sexy on the spot?” Yuuri asks with a skeptical look on his face.</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “That doesn't matter. I'm not looking for the most naturally sexiest person on the planet. That's not what I care about.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's brow pinches together when he says this, like he still doesn't quite believe him. Viktor can't have that. Honesty has gotten him this far with Yuuri, so he chooses it again.</p><p class="western">“I honestly don't have words for how good you make me feel, just by you being you,” he confesses. “You could just stand here and smile at me, and I'd fall for you all over again.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks. Due to the sharpness of his brow, it looks a whole lot more animated than normal as it lifts in surprise. The fan slowly lowers, giving Viktor visual access to his red lips as he breathes out, “I don't have words either.”</p><p class="western">Viktor feels so full. It's official, there's no room in his lungs for air anymore. There's no room for anything inside him except pure adoration. How did either of them ever suspect the feeling wasn't mutual when it's so clear now?</p><p class="western">He says, “We're both idiots, aren't we?”</p><p class="western">“Yes,” Yuuri agrees, “but... it also means we're two of a kind. It's probably why we understand each other so well.”</p><p class="western">“Holy shit,” Viktor practically gasps. “How do you do that? You always know what to say to take my breath away.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shrugs. “I don't. I'm figuring this out as I go. I'm glad it's working, though.”</p><p class="western">Oh. It's working all right.</p><p class="western">Leaning in, Viktor murmurs a private, “You're in so much trouble when I get you alone tonight.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri laughs under his breath. “Ooooh noooooo, whatever shall I do? I suppose I'll just have to surrender.”</p><p class="western">A comfortable silence slips in, allowing them a moment to process. Viktor takes full advantage to gaze lovingly at this person he cares so much about, enjoying the comfort and ease of being in his presence. Yuuri gazes back, the same fondness mirrored in his expression. Viktor even lets his attention drift dreamily down to Yuuri's red lips, where he fantasizes about the feel of them against his own, about what colours their lipsticks could create today if given the chance.</p><p class="western">He doesn't have too long to ponder it. Without warning, Yuuri snaps his fan shut and straightens his shoulders. The action shocks Viktor back into reality.</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Yuuri starts to say, a strangely determined look on his face, “I...”</p><p class="western">“Five minutes!” a volunteer shouts through the alley. They're rushing down the lane, hands cupped around their mouth as they shout it a second time for anyone who missed the message.</p><p class="western">Viktor ignores them for the moment, more interested in whatever Yuuri was about to say. “Yes?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri shakes his head. “Later,” he says. “I promise. When we have time.”</p><p class="western">Time for what? Viktor wants to know now.</p><p class="western">But good things come to those who wait, so he doesn't fight Yuuri on it. Doing his best to hide his disappointment, Viktor slaps a quick smile on and replies, “All right. I guess I should be going now, anyway. Good luck today. I'll see you later at some point.”</p><p class="western">Hopefully sooner than later, but who knows. At least he got a chance to see Yuuri before work begins. He feels a whole lot better for it, too.</p><p class="western">Viktor's only taken a few steps away when he hears Yuuri call out after him, “Your fans are going to love it!”</p><p class="western">He pauses. Viktor can't bring himself to glance back, lest he suddenly find himself rushing into Yuuri's arms for comfort... and for protection.</p><p class="western">Yuuri continues, likely thinking that Viktor didn't quite hear him the first time:</p><p class="western">“They're going to love it as much as I do! You'll see!”</p><p class="western">Viktor inhales sharply. He doesn't have to ask what Yuuri's referring to. And yet he's surprised to hear such words out loud anyway.</p><p class="western">He didn't ask for reassurance. Didn't once hint at it. He couldn't bring himself to when Yuuri was already kind enough to compliment him. But Yuuri's still in his corner, shouting what no one else ever wanted to. He's been doing it from the very start. Whether or not he knows Viktor needs to hear these things, he speaks them freely anyway, like it's the most natural thing in the world.</p><p class="western">For a brief moment Viktor feels confused. They're not in private, where it doesn't matter what Yuuri says or does to make Viktor feel good about himself, because no one else will ever know. They're out here in the open. Strangers may not have the context, but they can clearly hear and see Yuuri encouraging something. Maybe they'll even look and find out at a glance. Evidently, Yuuri doesn't care about that.</p><p class="western">Then the reality of it all hits Viktor hard. Of course he doesn't care, because <em>this</em> is real. <em>Yuuri</em> is real. He genuinely cares about Viktor. Not in a self-serving manner – only out for himself, intentionally cultivating something in Viktor to reap upon later – but in a truly selfless way. He wants to see Viktor succeed and live as authentically as possible. What does he have to gain by supporting Viktor in this moment, other than to see Viktor thrive and be happy in his own body for once? Of course he doesn't care how he looks or sounds to anyone else, or what anyone else will think of the two of them. All he cares about is Viktor receiving support, minutes before his moment of truth.</p><p class="western">...Has affection always been this easy? Viktor didn't used to think so. Now he wonders why it was ever so hard to begin with. He couldn't have ever imagined a moment like this even a week ago. But, with each passing day, life before Yuuri and a life with him feels much further and further apart.</p><p class="western">Viktor's never been so glad for it.</p><p class="western">Feelings well inside him. Relief. Doubt. Awe that anyone could ever accept or encourage this side of him. Wonder at how incredibly, unfathomably <em>lucky</em> he is to have someone like Yuuri in his life now, that someone like Yuuri genuinely exists in the world. And then the following grief at the thought of perhaps never knowing Yuuri at all. They met purely by chance, a click of a Youtube video late in a sleepless night, a following chance taken during a live stream. If Viktor had fallen asleep like normal that night, hadn't felt boredom or curiosity for what he was missing out on...</p><p class="western">He doesn't want to imagine such a world. It's far too painful. More than a world that may reject him for who he is.</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't know if people will accept something even as minor as some mascara on his lashes, or lipstick on his lips. People are unpredictable. No one is the same, and there's no way to know who you are dealing with until it's too late. But Viktor is learning a lot this weekend, and one of those things is that he can always trust in Yuuri, who believes Viktor can do anything in the world that he wants to. If Yuuri thinks things will be okay... then they will be. If others reject him, it will be fine, because Yuuri accepts him. That's all Viktor needs.</p><p class="western">He gave similar advice to Yuuri on Friday. Perhaps he should listen to his own words. Believe in the Yuuri that believes in him. It will never steer him wrong.</p><p class="western">So Viktor allows himself a moment to let the strongest waves of emotion subside, and when he turns back Yuuri's way, he's smiles brightly as he answers, “I know.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Even though it's the last official day of the con, that doesn't make it any less busy than a Friday or Saturday. That becomes immediately evident when, as soon as the con opens, Viktor's table lines up with brand new faces he has yet to meet.</p><p class="western">He can't help but feel stiff as Seung Gil motions for the first person to approach. When Viktor begins to feel the surge of incoming panic, he forces it down, remembers Yuuri's face, his words, the way he held Viktor before, and reminds himself that this day will end one way or another, and he will get through it. He's come this far, after all.</p><p class="western">The first guest reaches his table. A young girl, likely no older than mid-teens. She's dressed like a Pokemon trainer from the Sun and Moon games, with what looks to be a high quality fan made plushie of Rowlet in her arms, maybe something she purchased in the artist alley this very weekend, or even something she made herself.</p><p class="western">She looks up at Viktor and, for a moment, says nothing.</p><p class="western">Careful to keep his voice steady and calm, Viktor greets her first. “Hi there. Don't you look like you're ready for adventure.”</p><p class="western">She nods her head.</p><p class="western">Viktor continues on. “Can I get you anything? A print? Perhaps a photo?”</p><p class="western">“Um,” she says. And then she ducks behind her Rowlet plushie, her cheeks a bright, tomato red that matches her hat.</p><p class="western">This isn't the first time something like this has happened, but he's also never quite figured out the best way to gently handle a stranger who is too shy to actually visit him, not when there's the time pressure of a line up behind them.</p><p class="western">He smiles sympathetically. “Do you need a moment?”</p><p class="western">“I just...!” the girl squeaks out. Her plushie stays up, a round, cute shield as she blurts out, “I've been following you for a while now. I'm a big fan!”</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor says. This part he's better equipped to handle. “Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.”</p><p class="western">The girl peaks over the head of her toy. “I knew you looked cool, because, y'know, duh... but I wasn't ready for this.”</p><p class="western">“Ready for what?”</p><p class="western">She says, “For how beautiful you look in person.”</p><p class="western">It doesn't hit him all at once. It's like there's a wall of resistance it must penetrate first. But the words echo in his head, and the feelings gradually begin to flow freely with each reverberation, cracking through the surface of the wall until it's piercing through. Viktor feels warmth entering his own cheeks. Before he even has a chance to realize it, he's grinning ear to ear.</p><p class="western">Off to the side, sitting on his folding chair, Viktor can see that Christophe is smiling as well.</p><p class="western">The girl makes a loud, embarrassed noise. “I'm sorry! I know that's a stupid thing to say. You're a guy, you probably don't wanna be told something like that.”</p><p class="western">“No, I... thank you. It's a major compliment.”</p><p class="western">“You're not weirded out at all?”</p><p class="western">Viktor almost laughs – not at her, never. Not even at himself. More from the sudden giddiness filling his chest. “Not at all.”</p><p class="western">“Who <em>doesn't</em> want to be called beautiful?” Christophe casually chimes in.</p><p class="western">“It's really okay?” the girl repeats herself.</p><p class="western">“It is,” Viktor assures her.</p><p class="western">“Oh.” The girl purses her lips together for a moment, in a manner that reminds Viktor vividly of Yuuri when he's moments away from saying something bold and exciting. She gushes out a quick, “Well, for the record, you're very handsome, too! Like you're the best of both worlds.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs, the delight in his chest too much to be contained behind his ribs. It has to come out as he pleased, airy sound it is. “I'm perfectly cool with that, too. Now, let's set you up with a handsome – <em>and</em> beautiful – print for you to take home, shall we?”</p><p class="western">“Yes, please! I actually need three different prints. For, uh, my friends. Yeah.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs again. “Three it is.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">After such a wonderful, once in a lifetime encounter, Viktor braces himself for the rest of the line to be much less accepting. He figures that, at best, other fans will be quietly skeptical of the feminine markers on his face. At worst, they'll be passive aggressive or outright critical, to which he may ask Seung Gil to step in if the conversation devolves into anything inappropriate or overwhelming.</p><p class="western">But he's proven wrong. One after the other, each new face at his table brings with them something Viktor could never have anticipated.</p><p class="western">“Wow, that's <em>super</em> pretty,” one boy says, openly pointing directly at Viktor's lips. “What brand is that?”</p><p class="western">“Uh, I don't know,” Viktor answers honestly. “I didn't look. It was a gift from a friend.”</p><p class="western">“Oh. Bummer. My girlfriend would totally be into that shade. She's just starting to learn about this stuff and her favourite colour is purple.”</p><p class="western">Viktor bites back a chuckle and nods his head down the lane. “Go ask the Kyoshi cosplayer down there. He'll know which direction to point you to.”</p><p class="western">“Cool, thanks!”</p><p class="western">Another boy, one who is dressed in normal street clothes but bearing multiple fan made pins and buttons of old school JRPG characters on his con lanyard, says, “Whoa, you look super different. I remember when you dropped this costume online. Your makeup's gotten way better.”</p><p class="western">“Thank you,” Viktor replies honestly.</p><p class="western">“Y'know, I love Cecil cosplays, you hardly see any of those around, people hardly know who he is anymore...”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods, hesitant to say anything more yet. You never know where a conversation is about to go when someone opens it with a phrase like “I love...”, but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions either.</p><p class="western">“... But,” the boy continues, “I love them even more when they try to look like the official art, not just based off the sprites, y'know? That lipstick really adds something. You look fucking awesome. I mean, you looked cool before, but you look <em>extra</em> cool now, if that makes sense.”</p><p class="western">“It does,” Viktor says on an exhale. He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath during the whole confession. Thankfully, the tension releases with it. “I'm glad to hear that.”</p><p class="western">“Cool. Anyway, do you have a copy of the book you wrote on worbla? A friend recommended it. Said it was the most beginner friendly thing she's ever read.”</p><p class="western">“I do, actually. One moment.”</p><p class="western">It continues like that. Again and again, he's met with interest, not disapproval. From a wide variety of people. Children, teenagers, adults, parents. Reactions ranging from everything to mild surprise to outright interest. Even from a baby who stares up at Viktor like he's the most fascinating person they've ever seen. They blink slowly, large eyes roaming Viktor's entire face.</p><p class="western">“He probably wants to yank on your wig,” the father laughs while the mother flips through one of Viktor's books. “He loves long hair.”</p><p class="western">“Best keep my distance then,” Viktor jokes back. When he can, he smiles at the baby and watches them back. There's no way the baby will be able to recall this moment, not even when the parents show him the picture they take in front of his table years down the road, but Viktor thinks he'll remember this for a long time to come.</p><p class="western">As they pose for a photo, Viktor allows himself, for a brief second, to hope that whatever future this baby grows into, he'll look at the old photograph and not for one moment judge Viktor at all.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“It's time for your first panel,” Seung Gil says, after Viktor finishes with his latest fan.</p><p class="western">“Already?” Viktor asks, astounded. Didn't he just get here? It feels like hardly any time has passed at all. More than that, nothing negative has occurred. If anything, Viktor's startled to realize that he's been having <em>fun</em> the whole time. Engaging sincerely with people as they come to his table, who respond to him as he is, with curiosity and enjoyment of his craft. When was the last time he genuinely enjoyed meeting people like this?</p><p class="western">“Mhm. Grab your things. We got fifteen minutes to get there and get ready.”</p><p class="western">“I won't be around when you get back,” Christophe warns him, grabbing his camera and rising from his chair. “I have a bunch of shoots this afternoon. But I'll see you around dinner time, yes? We can catch up over some good food.”</p><p class="western">“I'll see you then,” Viktor replies. “Have fun staring at cosplayers at the waterpark.”</p><p class="western">Christophe purrs back, “You know I will. Don't have too much fun without me.”</p><p class="western">“Ready to go?” Seung Gil asks.</p><p class="western">To Viktor's surprise, he answers with an eager, “Yes.”</p><p class="western">If an entire two hours of meeting strangers can go this well, then perhaps a panel room full of even more people will, too. It feels scary to hope for even that much, but Viktor clings to the fluttering feeling as he makes his way through the crowd. He won't let it burn out. Not when it's only just come to life.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“That... went <em>really</em> well,” Viktor breathes out loud as he exits the room.</p><p class="western">“Of course it did,” Seung Gil answers in a distracted voice, answering a text he received on their way out of the giant room.</p><p class="western"><em>No, you don't understand</em>, Viktor almost says, but he doesn't because he can't expect Seung Gil to know. Not unless Seung Gil follows the cosplay scene in his free time.</p><p class="western">Viktor's panel had been on prop making, with a specific focus on fantasy weapons like swords, spears, and even shields. Armour and prop making are held so far away from other valid forms of cosplaying, like sewing and embellishing. Cloth, lace, beads, jewels, embroidery... all very different materials from foam, wood, metal-work that are all constructed to look like solid items of strength and power. It's like they exist on opposite sides of a made up spectrum, even though they all comprise of the same level of dedication and nerdery. The audience and expectations for both are very different, too. Viktor's felt the hard constraints of it for years now, given the amount of time and energy he's given into recreating masculine costumes. Such an audience also makes up a large (and vocal) chunk of his fans.</p><p class="western">An entire room full of mostly adult men and women, every one of them expecting to learn how to recreate a perfectly weathered weapon from scratch, listened to him explain the process while he wore both armour <em>and</em> lipstick. For an entire hour, without issue.</p><p class="western">There were some minor occurrences that stand out in Viktor's head now as he walks down the convention hallway. Someone in the front row lifting their brow when Viktor walked out, the flat and unreadable faces of many when he looked out over the crowd, a person or two leaning over to talk to the person they were with before he could even adjust his mic. In any case, no one shouted anything from the safety of packed seats, and no one brought it up during the last ten minutes when the mic was given over. If anyone had a problem with Viktor's makeup choices today, they politely ignored it.</p><p class="western">It's certainly not as much of a thrill as his fans coming up to meet him, gushing about how purple really brings out the blue of his eyes and pops against the white of his wig, but Viktor will take it. Little to no reaction is as good as a positive one as far as he's concerned.</p><p class="western">“What's next?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“It's break time,” Seung Gil answers, shoving his cell deep into his pocket. He lets out a tired sigh. “I have to go check a few things. Mostly the gaming room. One of the volunteers snuck away from duty and is MIA, apparently. Will you be all right by yourself until your Q and A?”</p><p class="western">“I'll be fine.” Considering how good things are going, Viktor makes a spur the moment decision. “I might just wander around a bit and enjoy the actual con until we have to meet up, if that's all right.”</p><p class="western">Seung Gil hums. “That's fine. Just please pay attention to the time so we don't run late. We'll meet at your table in exactly an hour from now.”</p><p class="western">“Sounds good. I'll see you then,” Viktor replies. He almost wishes Seung Gil luck finding his volunteer as well, but the young man is already booking it through the crowded hallway like an unstoppable machine incapable of slowing down, so Viktor shrugs and wanders down the opposite direction in the search of adventure.</p><p class="western">Although the convention crowd is noticeably milder in tone compared to the last couple of days, no doubt from the number of attendees who stayed up to all hours of the past couple of nights with no regard for how it would impact them come Sunday, there's still plenty of action to be found. A cosplayer with huge light pink hair done up in two side ponytails and holding a split down the middle black and white teddy makes strange faces for a dozen cameras aimed at them. Several teenagers sit in a corner near a “cosplay repair station,” mending a small costume mishap with a needle and thread (and hot glue? Yup, that is definitely hot glue). Viktor wanders by the quiet room situated next to them, peering in as he passes. It's mostly empty for now, aside from a handful of cosplayers in bikinis and meticulously styled wigs chugging down water and protein bars.</p><p class="western">Tired as he is from lugging his costume all over the place, Viktor's not quite in need of a sit yet. Not when he already spent an entire hour sitting in front of a keen audience. So he keeps on walking.</p><p class="western">He eventually wanders past the gazebo – packed as always, with no end to the line of cosplayers waiting to get a shot at a fancy photo in sight – and heads down the more than familiar corridor leading to the sections of the convention he hasn't had a chance to visit once all week. The artist alley and vendor hall sit side by side, and are placed next to the guest alley he's practically lived in all weekend. It's funny that they're so close, and yet Viktor hasn't once stepped inside of either room the whole weekend. He's been far too busy with work – and, when he's not working, spending his limited free time with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">(That he doesn't regret at all. He'd much rather go out to dinner or to a dance with Yuuri than stare at overpriced anime figures any day.)</p><p class="western">Now, on his own and with no expectations, Viktor figures these are decent places to spend his time. He won't be too far from his meeting spot, which means more time to browse at all of the goods, and less of a chance of accidentally being late and frustrating his poor, overworked liaison.</p><p class="western">Viktor's just about to enter the artist alley when he hears someone shout out his name. Not just anyone's voice. He'd know it anywhere.</p><p class="western">He turns around in time to see Yuuri rushing over to him, away from his friends.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor greets, lighting up immediately at the sight of more than friendly face. “What are you doing here?”</p><p class="western">“We just started our break,” Yuuri says. “What are you doing?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, you know. Hanging around, killing time. I was going to go look at pretty art for an hour.”</p><p class="western">“Can I join you?”</p><p class="western">Viktor grins. “I'd love that.” His eyes dart upwards, to where Phichit, Leo, and Guang Hong hang near the entrance to the vendor hall, watching them with expecting faces. “Unless you already have plans with your friends? I'd hate to steal you away.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snorts. “No, you wouldn't.”</p><p class="western">“...You're right,” Viktor admits with a small laugh, “but I am trying to keep appearances up here. I don't wanna piss off your friends by monopolizing you.”</p><p class="western">“It's fine. We were just wasting time, too.” Yuuri turns, a gloved hand cupping his mouth as he shouts, “I'm gonna hang out with Viktor!”</p><p class="western">Phichit waves an enthusiastic hand in the air, shouting back, “Have fun you two!”</p><p class="western">“See? We're good.” Yuuri grabs Viktor's elbow, pulling him towards the artist alley. “C'mon, let's go.”</p><p class="western">More pleased than he has any right to be, Viktor lets himself be lead into the throng.</p><p class="western">It's been a long time since Viktor's had anyone to browse fan merch with. Christophe isn't much of a collector, though he does appreciate a finely rendered print every now and then, and Viktor rarely has time for what actual con goers do. He doesn't often attend a con without it being a business venture of sorts. There was a period of time where he could only justify his attendance through it being a means to make back the money he spent on his costumes. (Can't support the hobby? Then don't do it.) Survival always came first. Thankfully, gratefully, strangers did support him. Except, even after money was no longer an issue, that fact somehow didn't change. If anything, it hardened into just another unchangeable fact about his life. The free time he could have, if he was brave enough to seek it out, turned into more time building his business to ensure he continued to have a future at all.</p><p class="western">All of that feels far away right now. Like Viktor really is just another attendee, here on a proper vacation. It feels nice to slowly drifting through the lanes, eyeing the hard work of other nerdy artists for once, to have someone at his side to get excited about things with.</p><p class="western">It's especially nice to have someone to talk to about what he sees.</p><p class="western">“Is that a...”</p><p class="western">“A Foxy body pillow,” Yuuri confirms. The image of the animatronic fox on the pillow case hung up behind the artist's table peers at them through from Pirate Cove, eyes half lidded, his finely rendered steel hook parting the curtains hiding him.</p><p class="western">“He's staring at you,” Yuuri whispers in Viktor's ear.</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “I think he's staring at both of us.”</p><p class="western">“Nah. Just you. He has good taste.”</p><p class="western">“I... have <em>no</em> idea how to respond to that.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri snickers.</p><p class="western">The artist behind the booth looks up at them, likely hearing the commotion. The cap of a copic marker sticks out from between her teeth as they work away at a commission. She smirks as best she can around the tube of plastic at the look on Viktor's and Yuuri's faces.</p><p class="western">“I have more stuff under the table if you wanna take a look,” she teases.</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles politely, shakes his head, then quickly herds Yuuri away.</p><p class="western">“I'm never going to look at my Foxy cosplay the same ever again,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“Why? Because that Foxy was showing off a mangled leg like some sort of burlesque dancer?”</p><p class="western">“Yes. The next time a parent on Facebook asks me for that costume for their kid's birthday party, I'll have to figure out if I can keep myself from laughing first before accepting.”</p><p class="western">“Wait, what? Kids want that?”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. “You weren't aware? Kids <em>love</em> Five Nights at Freddy's. Especially young kids. They eat it all up with a spoon and ask for seconds.”</p><p class="western">“Wow. What a messed up generation.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs. “No less messed up than ours.”</p><p class="western">“Good point. Elfen Lied, anyone?”</p><p class="western">Viktor gasps. “<em>Shhhh.</em> We don't talk about it.”</p><p class="western">“We don't talk about it,” Yuuri echoes with a laugh. “That's what we get for being raised on the internet, though. Things we don't talk about in polite society.”</p><p class="western">“Tell me about it.” Viktor sighs at the memories of lonely days spent watching questionable things in his bedroom. But then he smiles, because memories of a strange age long gone seem almost humorous for once and not quite so burdensome. Especially if Yuuri did the same regretful things in his own bedroom.</p><p class="western">With Yuuri, everything feels fun again.</p><p class="western">They continue their aimless adventure, stopping every few feet at a new table to glance over what they find. Viktor gazes up at all the different prints of this years most popular anime characters, in awe of the amount of hard-earned skill and work that's been packed into one room. He even breaks out into a wide smile when a couple prints of more obscure characters catch him by complete surprise.</p><p class="western">(Not once did he ever expect to see a gorgeous print of Lady Oscar lying dramatically in a bed of roses. He grabs a free business card and makes a mental note to come back for it later.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri, on the other hand, likes to focus on the smaller artifacts they come across: key chains, enamel pins, bookmarks, even a few 3D printed objects that would make cute decorations for a shelf. Every time he delicately picks something up and turns it over in his hand, Viktor feels the urge to take it from him and hand cash over to the artist behind the table.</p><p class="western">He almost opens his mouth to ask Yuuri if he'd like the sparkly key chain of a Gerudo style Link that he found, only Yuuri lets out an excited noise and picks up a different key chain.</p><p class="western">“Viktor, look!”</p><p class="western">He does, and lets out a delighted sound of his own when he realizes who the key chain depicts. A small, chibi Sidon winks up at him, posed stylishly like the exuberant prince that he is.</p><p class="western">“Wow,” Viktor says, “that's way too cute.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grins. “There's more.”</p><p class="western">“More?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri twists the key chain around, and Viktor's heart swoons.</p><p class="western">The other side isn't a variant of the same character. Rather, it's of his elder sister Mipha, smiling softly up at them while holding her trident close to her. There's a touch of sadness to her expression, and instantly Viktor is reminded of her inner strength and acceptance, even in the face of failure. How she continues to smile, even when everything is lost.</p><p class="western">Hesitantly, Viktor accepts the key chain into his hand for a closer look. The level of detail paid to her and her brother is quite impressive considering the size. It feels like it should cost way more than the asking price sharpie'd on the tiny pink note stuck to the key chain display.</p><p class="western">Viktor can't bring himself to pull out his wallet and purchase it, though.</p><p class="western">“Like it?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“<em>Love</em> it,” Viktor emphasizes back. “I already liked it because of Sidon, but it's even better with Mipha added.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri watches him. “Are you a fan of her? I know you like Sidon, but I don't remember you saying too much about her.”</p><p class="western">“...It's complicated.” Returning the key chain to the display, Viktor starts heading towards the next table. Only he doesn't stop to admire the next person's work. He keeps walking, heading straight to the exit, in need of fresh air rather than the packed heat of the artist alley.</p><p class="western">Yuuri follows after him. “What's wrong? I thought you liked it.”</p><p class="western">“I do,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">“I hear a 'but' in there.”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't say anything else, not until they leave the alley and head down the hall to the more spacious area inside the convention center. The crowd has thinned here. By the afternoon of a Sunday, many attendees have already taken off for the journey home. The people left are locals or those who plan to stay in the hotel an extra night so as not to miss out on the later events of the last day. Viktor can see the gazebo from here, still packed of course. Not to mention the fountain near it, spouting water high into the air, with cosplayers sitting on its circular stone rim and taking selfies together.</p><p class="western">Viktor leans against the railing overlooking the ground floor, and inhales deeply.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stands next to him, leaning to get a better look at Viktor's face. “Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“It's silly,” he answers.</p><p class="western">“Nothing's silly. Not if it matters to you.”</p><p class="western">“You must be tired of this by now,” Viktor says instead.</p><p class="western">“Of what?”</p><p class="western">“Of this. Of me, constantly having feelings about things that don't matter.”</p><p class="western">“No,” Yuuri answers without a moment's reluctance. “Do you get tired of me freaking out over small things?”</p><p class="western">Viktor looks at him, flabbergasted. “No? I don't think you do that.”</p><p class="western">“Well, it's the same for me.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...” Viktor stops, unsure of what else to say, or how to accept what Yuuri's saying. He looks away. “I don't know how to explain.”</p><p class="western">“You don't have to, if you don't want to.”</p><p class="western">Viktor gives it a moment, considering.</p><p class="western">“It's just that, as much as I love Sidon and don't regret making him, he wasn't my first choice,” he admits.</p><p class="western">“You wanted to crossplay Mipha instead...?”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “I was really drawn to her, when I first played the game. To both of them, honestly. But I try not to think about her too much, because she makes me feel a lot of things.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri steps in closer, as close as he can get without brushing against the spikes jutting out from Viktor's shoulder armour. There's laughter and noise behind them, a conversation on the move, but it's here and gone in the blink of an eye, leaving them alone again.</p><p class="western">“What kind of things?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“I don't know. It's a lot, I can tell you that much. I've spent a lot of time convincing myself that I didn't want to crossplay anymore. I was... <em>am</em>... convinced that I still can't. But every time she came up on my screen, the urge grew stronger and stronger. I related to her so much. Her willingness to sacrifice everything for someone she loved. How badly everything blew up in her face. Watching her spirit accept that nothing turned out the way she hoped hurt in more ways than one...”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Yuuri says, softly, gently.</p><p class="western">“I pushed myself to make Sidon instead. I was almost in a frenzy over it. I worked obsessively on it until he was perfect, because, deep down, he's who I want to be. Strong, optimistic. A kind, inspirational figure anyone can look up to.”</p><p class="western">“You are,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows. “Maybe. But the part of myself only you and I know... that feels more like Mipha. Fighting a lost cause. Lost forever. Dead.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri pauses. And then he says, “Mipha was strong, too. Even in death.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's hands tighten around the railing.</p><p class="western">“But,” Yuuri continues, “she's also a fictional character. You're here right now, and you're real.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just barely holds back the words, “Unfortunately.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri angles himself even closer, arms braced against the railing to keep his balance. “You know what that means?”</p><p class="western">“What?” Viktor asks.</p><p class="western">“It means it's not too late. You can do and be whatever you want.”</p><p class="western">“I don't know...”</p><p class="western">“But you've already done it,” Yuuri reminds him. He reaches his hand out – then stops in mid-air, as though unsure if he should continue or not.</p><p class="western">Viktor spies the hand. Suddenly desperate for it, and before he can convince himself not to, Viktor grabs it and leads it towards it intended destination. For a moment he suspects he guessed wrong, when Yuuri's hand lies flat against his jaw, but in the next second Yuuri's fingers curl around the shape of him. They hold him still, a strong support for Viktor to lean himself into. Yuuri's thumb traces the edge of Viktor's lip, careful not to disturb the purple sitting there.</p><p class="western">“This, right here,” he says. “I don't know what drove you to do it today, but you took the risk.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's hand squeezes over Yuuri's.</p><p class="western">“You,” Viktor exhales. Then, because that's not the entire truth, “You inspired me to, but I also wanted to wear it for myself. I wanted to feel as good as you helped me feel last night. I wanted to see if it was possible.” <em>And not just your magic touch</em>, he almost says. He doesn't, because now he knows it's not a magic Yuuri owns. Not if Viktor can also cast even the smallest spell to guide his way to euphoria.</p><p class="western">“Do you? Feel that good right now?”</p><p class="western">“Yes.” Memory lights in his head. Giddy with it, he shares it with the one person who will understand. “Someone called me beautiful today.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles. He takes his hand away, but not completely. It falls down to one of Viktor's hands on the railing, fingers encasing him. “You are.”</p><p class="western">“She also said I was handsome.”</p><p class="western">“You're that, too.”</p><p class="western">Emotion swells in his chest, chokes right in Viktor's throat. “It never would have happened without you.”</p><p class="western">“It could have.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “No. I never... I never would have found the way again.”</p><p class="western">Warm brown eyes gaze steadily into him, glittering in the light. If Viktor looks close enough, he thinks he could see a reflection of himself, of Yuuri looking at no one else but him.</p><p class="western">“I'd like to think you would.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sounds so certain, but Viktor doubts. He can easily see the path he was on extending into forever, dark and infinite as the night, only without the moon or any stars to light the way. Yuuri gave him back that light, and now Viktor stands out here in the sun, a step closer to who he wants to be.</p><p class="western">He could never return such a gift in full – but he wants to spend the rest of his life trying. He wants to hold onto Yuuri for as long as Yuuri would have him.</p><p class="western">Will Yuuri have him?</p><p class="western">Please, please don't let this end.</p><p class="western">Viktor swallows back the fear as he decides to take the final plunge. He has to say something. He <em>has</em> to.</p><p class="western">Except, as he goes to open his mouth, Yuuri does at the same time.</p><p class="western">“Viktor, I can't wait.”</p><p class="western">“...Can't wait for what?”</p><p class="western">“For – for a better time, or place, or...” Yuuri pulls away from the railing, standing straighter, tall and confident, even as his voice shakes around the edges. His lips press firmly together, but only for a moment. “I've never... there's no one I've ever wanted to hold onto before. Maybe I'm messing this up. I really hope I'm not. But I don't want this to end.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's eyes widen. “For what to end?”</p><p class="western">“This. Us. Whatever we are. I don't want to let you go.”</p><p class="western">Viktor blinks at Yuuri, utterly stunned. It's a moment before he finds his voice again. He releases in a rush, “I don't want to let you go, either.”</p><p class="western">“I might screw up,” Yuuri continues, “I've never done this before. I never thought I'd <em>want</em> something like this with anyone, and I don't know if I can even do any of this right, but I do know I'll regret not saying anything before I have to leave tomorrow. I want to make you as happy as you make me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles despite the oncoming burning sensation in his eyes. “Yuuri, you already make me happy. If anything, I need to be making you happier.”</p><p class="western">“Impossible.”</p><p class="western">“I'll make it possible,” Viktor challenges. “Don't you see? Everything with you feels possible.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sucks in a sharp breath. “Then... be with me. Please? Be mine?”</p><p class="western">The words are hardly out before Viktor scoops Yuuri into his arms, holding him tight. Yuuri throws his arms around Viktor as best he can, his face turning into the space of Viktor's neck, as close as he can get without accidentally rubbing any of his face paint onto Viktor's costume. In spite of this, Viktor's never felt closer to him. He's never felt safer, or more wanted. Telling by the way Yuuri sighs against him, he must be feeling the same.</p><p class="western">This must be what “home” feels like.</p><p class="western">“I'm already yours,” Viktor whispers back.</p><p class="western">Yuuri grips him tighter.</p><p class="western">Yeah. He's home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. want</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: some slightly spicy makeouts are ahead! If you need to skip, start at "The hotel door is barely closed behind them when Yuuri takes his chance" and come back in at "When he pulls back to look Viktor in the eye".</p><p>(Looks at a ANOTHER extra added chapter and then at you)</p><p>Yeah, I'm surprised, too. </p><p>I was going to fit everything into one single chapter, but the tone felt all over the place with what I came up with. (I.E the fools got too horny for their own good. I feel bad they're going to be apart for a while come the end of this fic, so I decided to let them have this moment.) I also wasn't happy with how long it was getting either. I don't want a 30+ page final chapter, so you guys get ONE more chapter after this.</p><p>(32 chapters looks better than 31 chapters, anyway. That's what I keep telling myself :' ) )</p><p>If it helps anything, this chapter is basically the "fan service/Waterpark" episode, which is as close to a beach episode as we're getting. (For now?) I just wanna let them be happy for a little while before reality sets in. We can deal with the inevitable sad feelings next time. But! I also have a list of future fics in this series for you to look forward to that I'll add to the last chapter, so maybe that'll help make the parting more bearable. </p><p>Cosplay Notes:</p><p>Phichit's ringtone is specifically from the American translated Hamtaro GBA games, but if you know the American anime theme song, then you already know the tune. Naturally, Phichit loves Hamtaro!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“I did it!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's friends look up at his shout, faces alarmed until they realize it's him rushing towards them and not some stranger looking to stir up some trouble. Everyone's huddled in a corner, drinking lemonade from a nearby stand through colourful straws. Phichit's vlogging, of course he is, but even he stops mid-sentence to see what the commotion is.</p><p class="western">For once, Yuuri doesn't care that a camera is going to catch this. A part of him even <em>wants</em> it documented for the future. Later, when he's home and alone, he wants to relive this moment all over again – and again, and <em>again</em> – until it's forever imprinted in his memories.</p><p class="western">“Huh? What happened?” Phichit asks. “What'd we miss?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri stops just before colliding into his friends, panting lightly from the short jog it took to find them again. “I did it,” he says, no more clearly than before. “I asked him.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor?” Guang Hong clarifies.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">“'Asked him'...?” Leo prompts.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's beaming. How can he not be? He's smiling so hard, it's almost impossible to talk through it. He's bursting at the seams with joy. Voice nearly squeaking from the pressure it takes to hold it all in, he blurts out, “Viktor said yes!”</p><p class="western">Phichit's expression instantly lights up with understanding. “Oh, my god. <em>You did it. </em>You did the thing!”</p><p class="western">It takes a moment but Leo and Guang Hong quickly catch up, and before Yuuri knows it his friends erupt. They all start jumping up and down in barely contained excitement; Phichit even grabs Yuuri by his shoulders to get him to bounce along with them. Lemonade sloshes wildly inside clear containers.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's too happy to care how silly they all must look. Instead, he loses himself in the victory cries.</p><p class="western">When they finally all calm down, Phichit angles his camera once again and lets out a giddy laugh. “Holy shit. I can't believe I got everything on here. This is a once in a lifetime moment. I'm not allowed to show this in the vlog am I?”</p><p class="western">“We'll see,” Yuuri replies. It's definitely a thing he needs to discuss with Viktor first. And, if it is announced, Yuuri's sure there are ways Viktor would prefer than a random clip in a Youtube video.</p><p class="western">“... No, wait,” Phichit says, tone changing into something Yuuri can't decipher. “Actually, I'm going to save this.”</p><p class="western">“Huh?”</p><p class="western">“You know,” Phichit says with a growing smirk. “For the <em>big day</em>. Gotta save something for the vlog I'm going to make for your wedding.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's jaw drops.</p><p class="western">This time, when the group breaks out into rambunctious laughter, it's against Yuuri shouting over them, “What? Phichit, <em>no</em>, don't jinx this for me – ”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The plan is to meet up again at the guest alley exit.</p><p class="western">Coincidentally, both Yuuri and Viktor are working their tables until the convention officially closes. Unlike the start of the weekend, neither of them are required to be there for the closing ceremony. The crowd they see at their part of the convention thins out into almost nothing around the last hour, leaving everyone left in the alley to sit around and play around on their phones while they wait for any stragglers who might rush into the room for one last autograph for the weekend. Some guests even start dissembling small parts of their tables, though only enough to make packing easier come closing time.</p><p class="western">Thankfully, Emil is completely cool with them messing around with their phones and relaxing. It's hardly work by this point; more like finding a random spot and hanging out, like they normally do at cons. Yuuri might not be able to “casually wander” over to Viktor's table as he pleases, but that doesn't mean he can't find other ways to talk to his favourite human being.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktooooooor</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes, Yuuri?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Look up</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>????</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuri!!! Uncross those eyes before they get stuck that way. That is not the face of a distinguished cosplay guest! </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Says who</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Says me, the expert</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Whatcha gonna do about it?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Ohohoooo wouldn't you like to know</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I would, actually</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Guess you'll just have to find out later : B</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is this the part where I call you a giant tease? Because you're sure acting like one</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You have no idea yet~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He really doesn't. But Yuuri can't wait to discover that side of his special person. Closing time is only minutes away now. Soon they'll have the rest of the day to just be together.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're smiling</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can see it all the way from here</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Nike Cosplay:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Of course I am</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I have the cutest boyfriend in the whole world~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>How can I not be stupidly happy right now?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>katsudone with life:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>asdfghjksdghj</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">A voice shouts through the quiet alley, “Closing time! We're free!”</p><p class="western">Several people clap and cheer at the announcement, the sound filled with the same strange energy that a landing airplane has, but the rest of the room all drag themselves out of their folding chairs and begin the work of tearing apart their displays.</p><p class="western">Between the five of them, their table takes almost no time at all. They pack up the remainder of their prints, their till (which happily houses their profit for the day), and their display, stuffing them all into a couple of larger sized boxes for Emil, Guang Hong, and Leo to haul back to their room with. While they're carting their things away, Phichit and Yuuri get the garbage and recyclables that have accumulated over the course of the day. They even do so for a couple of the tables next to them, smiling politely when they're thanked for the extra hand.</p><p class="western">By the time they're completely finished, there's nothing left but a bare table and some chairs to mark their spot.</p><p class="western">Phichit takes one last shot of the scene with his camera, capturing the quiet success and pride for the vlog he'll edit in the near future.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stands back and watches in silence, a soft smile on his lips. They really did it. They made it through the whole weekend without any major issues. They have so much to show for it as well, in memories that exist under hashtags and tagged posts, on photos and videos existing on their own phones, in friendships new and old.</p><p class="western">(And in a brand new romantic relationship blooming to life, Yuuri thinks with warming cheeks.)</p><p class="western">While this is technically the beginning of the end of their weekend, it also feels like the start of something brand new.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's not leaving here the same person he arrived as. And, for once, he's excited to discover what that means for the future.</p><p class="western">With a content sigh, Phichit shuts down his camera for the time being. He stares up at the giant guest sign of their group, a thoughtful look on his face. “Hey. You think Emil will let us take that if we ask nicely?”</p><p class="western">“Where would we even put it?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Dunno. I kinda want it, though. Don't you think it'd look good in the living room?”</p><p class="western">“I think it'd be awkward as hell, actually. I don't really to see a giant version of myself when I'm eating cereal in the morning.”</p><p class="western">Phichit snorts. “Okay, fair. I'm still gonna ask, though.”</p><p class="western">“Be my guest. But you're in charge of finding a good spot for it, <em>not</em> where I have to see it every day.”</p><p class="western">“Deal!”</p><p class="western">Yuuri glances down the lane. The tables in between his and Viktor's are just about empty now. Viktor's table, on the other hand, is still packed with things. Yuuri recalls seeing a few attendees rushing in at the last minute to see him, leaving after the alley had officially closed for the weekend. Viktor's far too nice to turn anyone away, so naturally he fell behind.</p><p class="western">Grabbing Phichit's attention, Yuuri motions towards Viktor's table. “I'm gonna go help Viktor.”</p><p class="western">Phichit perks up. “I'll help, too.”</p><p class="western">“That's okay. You're probably super tired and want to head back to our room,” Yuuri starts to say, but Phichit waggles a disapproving finger.</p><p class="western">“Nuh uh. He's one of us now, Yuuri. That means I have to smother him with kindness. How else will he get used to us?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, god,” Yuuri utters under his breath. “You're going to scare him off is what you're going to do.” Yet he doesn't bother trying to stop him, just follows Phichit down the lane to Viktor's table.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks up when he notices someone is lingering nearby. His polite smile melts into real warmth when he recognizes their friendly faces. “Hey, guys. What's up?”</p><p class="western">Phichit grins and waves. “We came to help you out. Where do you want me?”</p><p class="western">“Oh, good,” a voice from the floor answers for Viktor. Christophe gets up off his knees, wiping any potential dirt off his jeans as he does so. “If you're fine with carrying things, we have some boxes back here that you can grab. Seung Gil went to get our handcart, but we still have to tear this beauty apart before we'll be ready to take everything up.” He lightly taps a hand against the side of Viktor's extra fancy table display. Unlike the cityscape from day one, this display looks like something straight out of a Tolkien-esque elven fantasy.</p><p class="western">(Yuuri doesn't know how Viktor can just casually swap displays all weekend like it's no big deal when one is difficult enough to cart around, but he's absolutely not complaining about Viktor's level of talent or dedication to his craft.)</p><p class="western">“Does it come apart like a normal display?” Yuuri asks.</p><p class="western">“Of course it does. I designed it that way,” Viktor replies proudly. He hands Yuuri a small screwdriver. “Here, I'll show you how it works. Follow my lead.”</p><p class="western">Phichit rounds the table to help Christophe finish duct taping box flaps. Yuuri, in the meantime, aids Viktor with unscrewing the different parts of the display. They carefully set all the pieces into different boxes filled with bubble wrap. Seung Gil returns not long after with a baby blue painted handcart rolling behind him, and they start loading it up with as many boxes as they can.</p><p class="western">“This should be good,” Christophe says. “I think we'll actually be fine carrying the rest up.” He grins at Viktor. “A one-way trip. This is certainly a first for us.”</p><p class="western">“We don't do second trips in this group,” Phichit jokes.</p><p class="western">“Are you including us in this group?” Viktor asks, tone light and teasing.</p><p class="western">“Isn't it obvious?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shrugs, but he doesn't argue it either.</p><p class="western">After everyone has grabbed the last of the boxes, they all start heading towards the exit. Seung Gil leads the way while they follow closely behind, watching the stacked handcart to make sure nothing accidentally falls off and gets left behind. The tower of boxes wobbles now and then, especially when they cross over the small bump of the sill at the exit, but everything stays put as it should.</p><p class="western">Phichit picks up the pace to catch up with Viktor. “Maybe I'm not selling this well enough. There's tons of perks to being friends with us. Aside from free labour, of course.”</p><p class="western">Viktor arches a brow, but he smiles, and his tone is amused as he replies, “Really?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah! For example... Yuuri, help me out here. What are we good for?”</p><p class="western">“Free jokes,” Yuuri supplies for him.</p><p class="western">“Yeah! We're full of those. I don't know if you've noticed, but we're very funny. Especially when <em>this</em> one,” Phichit nudges Yuuri, “is drunk off his ass. I can't wait for the day you see that. Oh, we're super friendly, too. We have a group chat that you should totally be a part of. I promise that I only send the worst memes possible. Only the best for Yuuri's new boyfriend.”</p><p class="western">Viktor bites his lip against what Yuuri can only assume is a laugh.</p><p class="western">Christophe doesn't bother hiding his chuckles. “Nice. Those are some real dating perks. You know, besides the obvious ones.”</p><p class="western">Viktor shoots his roommate a quick look, but it lacks any real fire or edge to it.</p><p class="western">“Which, <em>congratulations</em>, by the way,” Phichit says with an extra bounce in his step. “I'm so happy for you two. Watching this play out in real time was the best and most frustrating experience of my entire life. I never want to do it again.”</p><p class="western">Christophe sighs. “I'll co-sign that statement. You two sure are something. But, hey, you made it, and you did it before the con ended. That's certainly something to celebrate.”</p><p class="western">Quietly, Viktor and Yuuri exchange embarrassed looks.</p><p class="western">“We need a private chat of just the two of us,” Phichit continues, gesturing between Christophe and himself. “I have even more stories if you're interested.”</p><p class="western">“More stories?” Yuuri asks, eyes narrowing. There were stories to tell in the first place?</p><p class="western">“What's <em>important</em> here,” Phichit says, magically avoiding Yuuri's steely gaze, “is that you two are going to make one hell of a cosplay couple, and I, for one, am absolutely living for it. Who doesn't love two hot boyfriends dressing up together? I'm sure your patrons will be down for it, too.”</p><p class="western">Viktor doesn't say anything. Yuuri looks up at him, an uneasy feeling growing in his gut.</p><p class="western">“Who indeed,” Christophe hums. “If you two ever decide to take some more... <em>risky...</em> cosplay photos together, I want to be the lucky photographer there to take them. I'll even offer you a special rate, since it's you two.”</p><p class="western">“Chris,” Viktor says in a flat voice, “we haven't even taken regular ones together yet.”</p><p class="western">“Yes. But, just for the record, I want to be the one to take those, too.”</p><p class="western">Viktor leans over to Yuuri and whispers in his ear, “This sounds less like a special rate and more like special privileges.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri coughs into his hand to hide his laughter.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">They take everything straight to Viktor's room.</p><p class="western">“If you're all good here,” Seung Gil says, hanging in the doorway like he's already one second away from stepping out, “there's other things I have to attend to. But if you need me for anything, don't hesitate to text or call me. If not, then I'll see you in the morning for check out.”</p><p class="western">“Okay,” Viktor replies. “Thanks for all your help today.”</p><p class="western">“Think nothing of it.” Except telling by the tone, there's no mistaking how literally Seung Gil means it. He then steps out and disappears almost as quickly as he got them all up to the room in the first place.</p><p class="western">“Poor guy,” Christophe muses aloud. “Even when the con is technically over, his job isn't done until much later. We should get him a gift basket.”</p><p class="western">“That's what we're doing for Emil,” Phichit chimes in. “We're gonna sneak into town later tonight and get him something nice. Want us to grab something for you guys, too?”</p><p class="western">Viktor lights up. “Would you? That'd be great. I'll pay you back.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's phone goes off, his ringtone a digitized version of the American opening theme song of Hamtaro. He pulls it out, replying in a distracted voice, “Sure, sure. Just give the money to the boyfriend and we'll call it even.”</p><p class="western"><em>The boyfriend?</em> Yuuri thinks. That is what he is now, isn't it? Wow, that's going to take some getting used to.</p><p class="western">In the mean time, Viktor shakes off his boots and (carefully) tugs off his wig, releasing with it a long sigh of relief. He rips the wig cap off and combs a hand through his flattened hair. He only stops when he catches Yuuri staring, his hand pausing mid-stroke. “Yes?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows. “Oh, uh, nothing. Just... not used to seeing you like this.”</p><p class="western">Viktor smirks. “What, all hot and sweaty?”</p><p class="western">The comment feels like a trap, although Yuuri's not one hundred percent certain on that, so he keeps his mouth shut and diverts his attention elsewhere.</p><p class="western">(He <em>has</em> seen Viktor like that, after all. Wow. Is this weekend even real?)</p><p class="western">Phichit looks up from his phone. “What're your plans for the rest of the day?”</p><p class="western">“Eat. Pack. Sleep,” Viktor answers. “Why?”</p><p class="western">“Guang Hong and Leo want to visit the waterpark while it's still open. Mila and Sara are already down there apparently. There's still a few hours left until it closes. Wanna come along?”</p><p class="western">Christophe's eyes glimmer with intrigue. “Does a visit to the waterpark mean an opportunity for some wet and wild photos?”</p><p class="western">Phichit snickers. “It could. I'm sure as hell not going to be in costume, though. I'm ready to be a regular person now.”</p><p class="western">“There's nothing regular about you,” Christophe remarks without missing a beat. He continues on, even when Phichit blinks at him with the most flabbergasted look on his face. “And who said anything about cosplay photos? What if I want 'regular' Phichit photos for my collection?”</p><p class="western">Phichit's mouth opens and closes several times. “Uh – okay then. Yeah, sure. I'm down. Yuuri? Viktor? You in?”</p><p class="western"><em>I want alone time with Viktor</em>, is Yuuri's reply.</p><p class="western">Or it is, until Viktor beats him to the chase and answers, “Sounds like fun. I packed swim shorts, might as well get some use out of them.”</p><p class="western">For a moment, Yuuri considers pulling Viktor aside and persuading him to stay in the room, just the two of them. They could cuddle on the bed, maybe watch a movie on their phone or on Phichit's laptop, if he's nice enough to lend it to them. But then his mind supplies himself with the image of a smiling, out of breath Viktor playing in the water. Like something out of a fancy, borderline artsy commercial. As a treat, it even takes the visual one step further and provides more arousing details such as water dripping down Viktor's bare skin, his silver hair being pushed back out of his eyes, and... well, shit. Suddenly the choice isn't so simple.</p><p class="western">Okay, it is, but for once Yuuri doesn't feel bad for being swayed so easily. He's only human.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri grabs Phichit and starts hauling his friend toward the door, calling to Viktor on his way out, “Meet you in the hallway in ten minutes?”</p><p class="western">Viktor waves them out, completely unaware of the blood pumping wildly in Yuuri's veins. “See you soon!”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The waterpark is gloriously quiet when they arrive.</p><p class="western">Handfuls of other con attendees (and other hotel guests who, coincidentally, picked an interesting weekend to try and have a “normal” vacation) can be seen across the vast space that makes up the indoor park. Quite a few groups, actually. If Yuuri listens closely, he can even hear the shrieking and laughter of those who are zipping through intense water slides. Yet, due to how vast and spacious the Safari themed park is, it hardly feels like anyone else is here at all. They need only be careful not to get in the way of the attendees out here in cosplay-themed swim suits and bikinis, trying to take cute photos for their personal collection with their photographers.</p><p class="western">Guang Hong points in the direction the wave pool. “Holy shit, is that a Magikarp cosplay?”</p><p class="western">“I see a Gyarados, too,” Leo replies. Beaming, he takes his boyfriend's hand in his and they hurry down towards the pool to go make friends with fellow Pokemon nerds.</p><p class="western">“And then there were four,” Viktor comments, watching them go.</p><p class="western">Phichit's phone chooses then to pipe up with the Hamtaro theme.</p><p class="western">“You mean three,” Phichit replies as he checks his texts. “That's actually my cue. I'm gonna go grab some drinks with Sara and Mila and catch up. Oh, if you guys happen to see Michele, tell him we're not here, okay? He was an extra pain in the ass to ditch today from what I hear.” Stepping backwards in the direction of the combination bar and hot tub, Phichit winks at them and bids them farewell. “Feel free to come say hi later. Bye!”</p><p class="western">The remaining three stand still, eyeing each other quietly.</p><p class="western">With a chuckle, Christophe lifts his expensive camera. “I'll see you boys later?”</p><p class="western">“I don't want to leave you alone...” Viktor begins to say, but his roommate waves him off.</p><p class="western">“I'm never alone, not when there's still cosplayers around to take photos of.” Christophe winks at the two of them. “Don't worry, I have your wallet for safekeeping, so go get wet with your boy toy.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's cheeks flush at the not so subtle comment, but all is forgotten when he feels Viktor intertwine their hands. His eyes go immediately to Viktor's face, too nervous to stray much farther south. It was one thing to see Viktor shirtless in the middle of the night, alone together, but out here, and with even less on...</p><p class="western">He knows Viktor is wearing a pair of black swim briefs. He knows because his traitorous eyes <em>accidentally</em> took a peak when Viktor lead the way to the hotel elevators. And, wow, okay, he'd been aware of how toned Viktor's body is, but there's a major difference between form-fitting cosplay and <em>skin-tight</em> swim wear. He's heard Phichit talk about asses that you can bounce a coin off of, that beg to be grabbed and squeezed with two hands, but he's never realized how much he might want to do that when it's someone he's really, <em>really</em> into.</p><p class="western">And to think he once thought the Nightwing costume was snug. How could he ever be prepared for this?</p><p class="western">(Although Yuuri has to wonder... did Viktor pack such swim wear on purpose, the weekend he knew they were going to meet up for the first time? Or is this just how he normally dresses for water themed fun?</p><p class="western">It's coincidence. It must be.)</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles at him. “Do you want to explore? I haven't been here in years. I'll need a guide to make sure I don't get lost.” His voice softens into a purr, and his thumb rubs lightly over Yuuri's skin in distracting circles. “Preferably a cute one. You happen to know anyone available?”</p><p class="western">“Y-yeah,” Yuuri breathes, walking along with Viktor hand-in-hand. Their bare feet slap against the tile, and the distant rush of water creates a comfortable ambience around them. It doesn't feel like they're at at the tail end of a convention weekend, more like they've just arrived to a watery getaway. He tries to think of the most exciting thing for them to visit. “Uh, they added a new slide last year. It's somewhere around here. Wanna see that first?”</p><p class="western">“Ooh, yes, let's do that!”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Less than a minute into their quest, Yuuri completely forgets what they're supposed to be doing.</p><p class="western">Not because of boredom, or because they instantly found the slide in question. Not because anyone stopped them in their tracks and got them stuck in a labyrinth of meandering conversation. It's because Viktor keeps pausing at everything that catches his attention, be it big or small, and checking it out before they have the chance to move on. Viktor especially gets lost in all of the giant, fake animals that make up a good percentage of the park decor. He even steps into the shallow water of a kiddy pool to get a closer look at several ocean themed creatures. He eyes them with all the open wonder of a child living in a fantasy world. Yuuri can't help but stare, taking in this new side of Viktor, helpless to wonder if Viktor is like this often or if this is a part of him he reveals to few.</p><p class="western">And then Viktor opens his mouth, and he reminds Yuuri of how much of a giant <em>nerd</em> he truly is.</p><p class="western">“What brand of paint do you think they used on this? It must be extremely water-proof. I don't see any wear at the base of the legs. I know there's only a foot of water here, but you'd think this would get splashed on a lot.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri huffs an amused breath. “Oh, my god. You're supposed to be on holiday, not wondering how to make things.”</p><p class="western">“But I have questions! What if I want to make something like this one day? Maybe they know something I don't.”</p><p class="western">He knows Viktor means cosplay, but Yuuri can't help but retort, “You want to build an octopus that's four or five times your size?”</p><p class="western">“You never know what I'll want to do someday,” Viktor replies cheekily. “I don't even know. That's half the fun.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri tugs on Viktor's hand, dragging him away from the structure in question. “C'mon,” he says with an easy roll of his eyes. “I want to go ride something before they kick us out.”</p><p class="western">“Ride something,” Viktor says.</p><p class="western">Yuuri lets out a groan when he realizes his mistake. “A slide! I meant a slide.”</p><p class="western">Viktor laughs. Yuuri doesn't have to think twice about how deep and full of life it sounds.</p><p class="western">He wants to hear more of it.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Oh,” Yuuri says, after they've finally wandered into the section of the park dedicated to rides, “there's the slide. It's officially the biggest thing they have now.”</p><p class="western">Viktor breaks out into a wide grin. “Look, there's no line.”</p><p class="western">“Race you!” Yuuri calls behind him, dashing ahead to be the first one up.</p><p class="western">“What? Hey, no fair! Yuuri, come back here!” Viktor chases after him, laughing even as he keeps pleading for Yuuri to stop and wait for him. Yuuri decides it's funnier to make Viktor beg, so he keeps going, making Viktor work a little extra hard to catch up with him.</p><p class="western">(At least until a nearby life guard blows sharply on their whistle and shouts from across the path, “No running! You get one warning!” Then they quickly settle down and head to the attraction together with sheepish, apologetic looks on their faces.)</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri will never tire of this.</p><p class="western">Given the lack of long lines, they go on every ride available to them as many times as they please. They race each other down a steep slide that comes with a plastic carpet for them to dive face first with. Next they attempt to surf on a man-made tidal wave. Emphasis on attempt, as they both barely stand up on the board before they go flying into the water, though it's incredibly fun to see who can last the longest. (Yuuri barely leads for the duration of their attempts, until, at the last attempt, Viktor manages to stand up and stay up for almost the full minute allotted. Yuuri feels nothing but pride as he claps and cheers Viktor on.)</p><p class="western">Without taking a break to calm themselves down, they fling themselves into the next attraction that grabs their attention: a huge funnel slide that tornadoes them all the way down into a deep pool. And when they've had enough of spinning in circles, they sit together in a round, yellow boat that has them gripping the sides all the way down a thrashing river. Though they both know neither of them will actually be flung out of the boat, they shout and bounce in their seats all the same, eagerly playing along with the fantasy of danger.</p><p class="western">Through the wild, watery rush of it all, Yuuri's eyes are always drawn back to Viktor. He soaks up every second that he can of Viktor enjoying himself like a sponge, unable to get enough of Viktor's infectious laughter, the way his cheeks glow a rosy pink, or the undeniable sparkle in his eyes as he beams brighter than the sun and asks, “Again?”</p><p class="western">How could Yuuri ever think of saying no? They're already darting up the stairs to the top of the their next ride, ready for the next thrill to share together. He's out of breath by the time they decide they're done with the more intense attractions for the evening, but Yuuri strongly suspects it's not from the rides themselves.</p><p class="western">Not quite ready to leave yet, they pick a more relaxed activity to wind down with: a drift down the lazy river. Arms and legs hanging over the sides of their giant tubes, they let the water carry them through the stream. Water trickles lazily off the rocky walls that helps guide the watery path. Viktor reaches a hand out to one such stream, briefly catching the splashing water before the water takes them further down.</p><p class="western">Yuuri watches him from his tube, silent but content. He feels like he could float here in the serenity of this moment forever.</p><p class="western">Viktor notices him watching. Smiling affectionately, he drags his hands through the water until he's closer to Yuuri's tube. He reaches a hand out. His only smile grows when Yuuri closes the distance between them and takes Viktor's hand in his. Quietly, they hold on to each other for as long as they can.</p><p class="western">When it's over, Yuuri hauls himself up and steps onto firm ground. Viktor takes longer to do the same, his legs apparently unsteady, so Yuuri takes Viktor's wrists in his hands, giving him a firm tug to help Viktor find himself on the floor. Stumbling, Viktor almost falls right into Yuuri. He finds his bearings at the last moment, though he blinks down at Yuuri with a startled look on his face all the same.</p><p class="western">“Oops,” Yuuri jokes.</p><p class="western">The sound that escapes Viktor's lips can only be described as an airy sort of giggle.</p><p class="western">Just like that, Yuuri becomes incredibly aware of how cool Viktor's wet skin feels against him. The hair on Viktor's arm is standing on end. He must be cold. Really cold.</p><p class="western">(Well, of course he is. He's all wet and <em>mostly</em> naked. So is Yuuri, for that matter. And they're standing awfully close to each other.)</p><p class="western">Only the way Viktor's eyes carefully trace Yuuri's face, lingering a moment too long on his lips, gives Yuuri a whole new understanding of what's transpiring. His own eyes fall to Viktor's mouth, and the memory of that plush fullness pressing against him has heat flashing inside like lightning in a dark sky. It feels urgent, unmistakable. It shocks his system with how strong it is.</p><p class="western">Maybe he shouldn't be so surprised... Tension has been charging between them all day, through minute moments, glances, touches, playful words. All of them filled with want. All of them asking the same hesitant question: <em>do you want me, too?</em></p><p class="western">There was a time where Yuuri never felt this way about anyone, where even if he had, he might have misread the signals in his body and interpreted them as something else. Anxiety, probably. Most definitely fear. Even now, despite recent yet limited experience, it still feels staggering. The way his body can build such concentrated feelings for someone, the way it yearns for another's touch, where it can't be soothed by anything else. And not just anyone, but Viktor. Only Viktor. Nothing or no one else can satisfy that ache.</p><p class="western">But he understands it now. He knows what he wants.</p><p class="western">And, right now, he doesn't just want time alone with Viktor. He wants time alone <em>with</em> Viktor.</p><p class="western">Yuuri's eyes watch as Viktor's throat bobs with a swallow.</p><p class="western">“I don't know about you,” Viktor says, voice hushed, “but I'm kinda beat. I think the weekend is finally catching up with me.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri wets his lip. “Do you... want to go back to your room?”</p><p class="western">“You don't want to ride anything else?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri remembers Viktor's early teasing, and nearly shivers as the anticipation builds beneath his skin.</p><p class="western">Yeah. Maybe he does. But not what's available here.</p><p class="western">In as steady a voice as he can manage, Yuuri answers, “I just want to be with you.”</p><p class="western">Despite the height difference, Viktor suddenly seems so much smaller in the moment. He dips his head, his shoulders rise, and he smiles almost shyly. He glances away, unable to meet Yuuri's eye.</p><p class="western">“Okay,” he breathes. “Let's go.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The hotel door is barely closed behind them when Yuuri takes his chance.</p><p class="western">“It's a good thing Phichit had his phone, otherwise I don't know how we would have found Chris – ” Viktor lets out a small, surprised gasp as Yuuri throws his arms around Viktor's waist, clinging to him from behind.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri?” He glances behind him, blinking. “Are you okay?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri buries his face into the soft skin of Viktor's back, where he murmurs a vulnerable, “Want you.”</p><p class="western">“What was that?”</p><p class="western">He's too nervous to say it any louder, not without a barrier between his voice and his desires, so Yuuri goes for the next best thing. With gentle hands, he spins Viktor around and loops his arms around Viktor's neck. His chest brushes accidentally against Viktor's; sparks ignite at the touch. It makes him feel a little bolder.</p><p class="western">“Kiss me?” Yuuri tries again.</p><p class="western">Viktor's expression softens. Cupping Yuuri's cheek, he murmurs a fond, “Gladly.”</p><p class="western">It's certainly not the first time they've kissed, but it feels new all over again, tender and surprising against Yuuri's sensitive skin. He inhales sharply though his nose, tilts his head to better receive Viktor's touch.</p><p class="western">The sharp smell of chlorine fills Yuuri's sense, despite the quick rinse they took under the outside showers at the park, but he's distracted from it by the pleasing taste of Viktor, something that is becoming more and more familiar to him.</p><p class="western">He doesn't think he'll get enough of this, either.</p><p class="western">Yuuri thinks of the time they spent last night, simply kissing each other without a care in the world, and he wants that all over again. An eternity of casually pleasing each other with no end in sight. Where one kiss blends into the next, and his body never tires of being caressed.</p><p class="western">Soon Yuuri feels himself stumbling backwards. He drops back onto the couch in the sitting room, pulling Viktor down along with him. They part briefly as Viktor settles next to him, but just as quickly Viktor's hands find their way to Yuuri's waist, and he leans in for another taste.</p><p class="western">Curious, Yuuri's hands reach out and find their way to Viktor. It's accidental, the way they plant themselves right on Viktor's chest, but when he feels Viktor gasp into him, he gives an experimental squeeze. Against his palm, Yuuri can feel a nipple beginning to harden, pressing into his skin. Is it from the cool air from the air conditioning, or...?</p><p class="western">Yuuri gives Viktor's chest another squeeze.</p><p class="western">“Ah, Yuuri.” Viktor breathes hitches. “Careful.”</p><p class="western">“Careful of what?” Yuuri asks. Not as a tease, but a genuine inquiry. Is he doing something wrong? Viktor doesn't look tense or uncomfortable. If anything, he looks...</p><p class="western">“You're making me...” Viktor trails off as Yuuri goes from squeezing to rubbing his hand up and down, curling his fingers around the curve of his chest. Biting his lip, Viktor closes his eyes and lets out a long, deep exhale.</p><p class="western">“You're sensitive here,” Yuuri guesses.</p><p class="western">Viktor nods. “Feels really good.”</p><p class="western">Carefully, all while closely watching Viktor's face, Yuuri thumbs at the hardened nipple.</p><p class="western">He doesn't get a chance to see Viktor's reaction; Viktor surges forward and pulls Yuuri into another kiss. Their mouths open instantly to each other. When Yuuri feels Viktor's tongue stroke his, he forgets what he was trying to do and falls into the easy give and take of their wet kisses. They naturally become longer, deeper, until Yuuri blissfully can no longer tell when one kiss begins and when another ends.</p><p class="western">It all feels <em>amazing.</em></p><p class="western">Before last night, Yuuri didn't know it could ever be like this. Fun, easy, enjoyable. This morning, he had secret doubts that it could happen again. As amazing as Viktor is, Yuuri's not so sure about himself and how his desires work. What if it's a switch he has no control over? He still doesn't know. But now, curled up together on this couch, he starts to feel more certain that this really can be for him after all. He can have this, if he wants it. Viktor is someone he can safely explore this with.</p><p class="western">Gradually, the two of them lean into the back of the couch, holding each other close. Viktor's legs rest comfortably over Yuuri's lap. Yuuri eagerly holds onto Viktor's hip, to help keep him close. He even runs a hand up and down Viktor's outer thigh, where he feels the skin pebble with goosebumps, Viktor's fine, silver hair rising in response.</p><p class="western">“Cold?” Yuuri murmurs.</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head, despite the way he shuffles even closer towards Yuuri as if to bask in his natural body heat, and keeps kissing him.</p><p class="western">Which is completely, utterly fine with Yuuri.</p><p class="western">Their kisses start to slow, though they linger longer than before. Viktor hums softly with pleasure, the sound pure indulgence, and it's way sexier than it has any right to be.</p><p class="western">It makes Yuuri shuffle in his seat.</p><p class="western">Everything feels good, but the fire burning in Yuuri's body hungers for more. He's not sure how far he can go – how ready he is for anything big and involved – but the heat building inside makes him feel sure that he wants to try <em>something</em>. Who knows when he'll see Viktor again. He doesn't want either of them to have any regrets before they part ways for who knows how long. He knows Viktor has a fantasy of taking their time, building up to the big moment, and it sounds beyond wonderful. Realistically speaking though, when will that be?</p><p class="western">When he pulls back to look Viktor in the eye, meaning to ask what <em>he</em> wants right now in this moment, Viktor's mouth then opens wide, and he lets out a long, tired yawn.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks at him, not sure how to react. Do people do things like that while making out? Is this normal?</p><p class="western">Viktor slaps a hand over his mouth. “I'm sorry! I'm not bored. I'm having a very, very good time, I promise. I'm just...”</p><p class="western">“Tired,” Yuuri remembers. Of course he is. Sunday evening at the end of a con, after a good almost two hours of running around and playing in the waterpark? Most people would be dead asleep by now. Or chugging back their fifth can of their preferred energy drink to keep themselves going for the post-con after parties.</p><p class="western">“Are you mad?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri gives him an understanding smile. “No, not at all. But maybe this is a sign we should stop for now.”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the mood.”</p><p class="western">“It's not ruined,” Yuuri assures him.</p><p class="western">“You sure?”</p><p class="western">“Positive. To be honest, I'm getting pretty tried too.”</p><p class="western">Tension seeps out of Viktor's shoulders. “Okay. Do you maybe want to just cuddle for a while? On the bed? I'll try and stay awake. Although I'm not so sure I can promise that I can.”</p><p class="western">“You can sleep,” Yuuri says with a small laugh. “I won't be mad if you do. I could probably use a nap, too. But, uh. Is it okay if I take a shower first? I don't want to dirty up your sheets with chlorine.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah, of course,” Viktor answers, like any other reply is out of the question. “I should probably take one as well, after you're done. Oh, do you need to borrow anything? I have plenty to go around if you need soap or a towel.”</p><p class="western">“Nah, I'm good. I'll just go grab some stuff from my room first.” Gently pushing Viktor's legs off, Yuuri drags himself off of the couch. He suddenly feels heavy, like his limbs weigh an extra ten pounds each. He's sore and worn out, but it's nothing a hot shower and a small nap can't cure. Maybe it really is a good thing they're stopping now. He wants to be in his best shape possible if he's going to do anything more, well, <em>rigorous</em> with Viktor. First impressions are everything.</p><p class="western">(Although, standing up, Yuuri is suddenly very, very aware that he might need a cold shower rather than a hot one.</p><p class="western">Maybe Viktor won't notice.</p><p class="western">...There's no way he hasn't noticed.)</p><p class="western">“Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“Mhm?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri chews his lip as he considers his words. “Am I... since I'm getting my things, should I grab stuff to, you know, spend the night with?”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles up at him, loosely crossing one leg over the other, hands holding his knees. “You're always welcome to stay the night.”</p><p class="western">“But do you want me to?” Yuuri tries again.</p><p class="western">“Please stay the night?” Viktor tilts his head, his voice lowering into the same playful purr from earlier. “I'd be lonely without you here.”</p><p class="western">Yup. A cold shower is definitely in order.</p><p class="western">“I-I'll be right back!”</p><p class="western">Viktor blows him a kiss to follow him the way there. “I'll be here, waiting for yooouuuu.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri already can't wait to return.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. good-bye, but only for now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aside from cosplay notes, the regular chapter notes are at the end this time~</p><p>Ready your tissue boxes, everyone. :' )</p><p> <br/>Cosplay Notes:</p><p>There's a couple different translations floating around for “Catch You, Catch Me” (the first CCS OP). I went with one I found on the CCS wiki. Although for realism's sake, the subtitles on the screen are likely different than what is listed here. But seeing as Yuuri is actually listening to the language and not reading subtitles, I figured that was fine? Full translation (plus the actual OP if you'd like to see it!) that I used can be found here:</p><p>https://ccsakura.fandom.com/wiki/Catch_You_Catch_Me</p><p>This was mentioned many, many chapters ago, but to refresh anyone who isn't a CCS stan like me: “Everything will be alright” is a Sakura Kinomoto's quote/“spell” that she repeats when she's struggling with something difficult. More or less “fake it till you make it” confidence boosting. But can also be interpreted as a firm refusal to let it be anything but okay.</p><p>Regarding the comments on Viktor's prints: </p><p>For the Nightwing print, the joke is that in Batman comics, the main characters never use their real names over mic/in person while out and about in costume, you must only use their chosen moniker so as to keep their identities hidden. There are many instances of Bat-characters reminding others to follow the rules.</p><p>With Sidon, his introduction focuses on him being someone that has been looking for a hero to help him save his kingdom, and he heavily emphasizes in the game how happy he is to meet Link and be his friend.</p><p>And for Cecil, it's a reference to the main theme of the video game (which is called “Theme of Love.”) You can hear a modern/orchestrated version of it here from the 3DS remake if you'd like, complete with the super pretty opening video of the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRah-zYboFw</p><p>Not a cosplay note, but the internet tells me that "joyfriend" wasn't a term until at least 2019. That's two years later from when this fic currently takes place. But since the line/s I wrote are too cute and I don't wanna give it up, we're just going to pretend that term debuted much earlier in this universe lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Yuuri has everything ready when Viktor steps out of the steamy bathroom.</p><p class="western">The set-up is simple: pillows fluffed and propped up, the thick duvet and sheets pulled back in an inviting manner. And then there's Yuuri, lounging on the bed with a laptop next to him, freshly showered and in the last set of clean sleep clothes he brought with him. (Nothing special, a pair of flannel pants and an old anime graphic t-shirt, the image of a pink-yellow butterfly hovering above the name “Rei” crinkled and fading but still decipherable.)</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles up at Viktor and pats the space next to him in invitation.</p><p class="western">“What're you up to?” Viktor asks as he hops up onto the bed. It dips beneath him until he settles into a lying position.</p><p class="western">“Just waiting for you,” Yuuri cheekily answers. After pulling the covers over them, he settles the laptop in the middle and angles it for the best viewing experience possible. “I borrowed Phichit's laptop and his flash drive. I thought maybe we could watch something until we drift off?”</p><p class="western">It's his usual post-con activity. Curl up on something comfy, a bed or a couch, and watch something with his friends as they ride out the bone-deep exhaustion until the inevitable crash. Only his friends are still out at the moment, partying it up downstairs, and they don't plan to be back anytime soon. After some quick messages back and forth in the group chat, Yuuri was given full – and enthusiastic – permission to grab their usual entertainment for the two of them tonight.</p><p class="western">He very much wants to do this in particular with Viktor. With the time they have left.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri,” Viktor coos, tone very much pleased. He shuffles closer, nudging his chin in between Yuuri's neck and shoulder. It tickles, especially when he breathes, but Yuuri manages to keep himself motionless. “What do you have?”</p><p class="western">“A bunch of stuff, honestly. Most of it is all older anime. What do you feel like watching?”</p><p class="western">“Cardcaptor Sakura.” Viktor pinks. “I mean. If you have it, or feel like it, or... it's okay if you'd rather watch something else, I know you already rewatched it recently.”</p><p class="western">“I'm always down for some Cardcaptor Sakura.”</p><p class="western">Viktor turns his head enough to look up at him. “Yeah?”</p><p class="western">Shifting, Yuuri pulls an arm out and wraps it around Viktor's shoulder. He feels more than hears the tiny noise Viktor makes as he's held closely. A hand plants itself on Yuuri's chest as Viktor arranges himself to better accommodate the new position.</p><p class="western">“I think it'd be super fun to watch with you,” Yuuri says. They both grew up with it, have watched it countless times. It'll be fun to hear Viktor's comments and reactions in person, as well as share some of his own. Almost like re-experiencing it for the first time all over again. “It's your comfort anime, isn't it?”</p><p class="western">Viktor gives a single nod. “You said it was yours at one point, too.”</p><p class="western">“Yeah. I think it still is in some ways. No matter where I am or what changes, it's always there. I keep coming back to it.”</p><p class="western">“It's home,” Viktor says, recalling old words shared long ago. There's a pause, and then Viktor turns his face enough to press a small kiss to Yuuri's skin. Viktor breathes into him, “You're home, too.”</p><p class="western">Just like that, Yuuri suddenly feels choked up inside.</p><p class="western">He doesn't have to think twice. Viktor is his home, too.</p><p class="western">But he can't bring himself to say it aloud. It hurts too much, so much more than he can bear, because soon they won't be next to each other anymore. He has to leave this place, without Viktor, with no idea of when they're going to see each other again. It could be weeks, months...</p><p class="western">Will things still be the same? With the distance stretching between them, will Viktor's feelings naturally fade away? Will time steal this away from them before they've even had a chance?</p><p class="western">He doesn't want to think so. They've been through so much to get here, but Yuuri doesn't know. He <em>doesn't know</em>.</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows thickly against the building feelings. He tries to distract himself by rubbing Viktor's shoulder up and down. It doesn't do much good; his eyes sting regardless of his efforts. Sensing impending weakness, Yuuri squeezes them shut.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...?”</p><p class="western">“Let's just – let's just watch.” He takes a deep breath to steady himself. “Where do you want to start?”</p><p class="western">“The beginning,” Viktor answers.</p><p class="western">Yuuri gives himself another moment to collect himself, and then he clicks on the first episode in the CCS folder.</p><p class="western">Phichit's video player of choice opens. The screen goes black, until a single cherry blossom petal drifts whimsically towards the bottom, where it ripples with magic as it lands. Twinkling music starts to play. A young girl floats down, head down, expression serene. There's a montage of different shots of Sakura's puffy, bouncy costume until she smiles directly at the viewer, Clow card in hand. The title card appears along with yellow font translating the lyrics of the OP. Yuuri doesn't have to read the English translation to understand; his heart follows the singer's voice, and her words cut through him harder than he could ever possibly anticipate.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>I want to see you, but I can't... How sad, these feelings...</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't say it, but I want to</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I just keep letting my chance slip by</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">(Yuuri takes another deep breath, forces himself to keep watching the screen even though his vision begins to blur.)</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>Catch you, catch me, catch you, catch me, wait up!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Look this way and say you like me</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yeah! Nice to meet you, good to see you, surely!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>My thoughts will fly, fly, fly into your heart!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm in love with you!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">A tear burns its way down Yuuri's cheek before he even has a chance to stop it.</p><p class="western">How pathetic is that? Only a minute in – <em>barely</em> past the OP – and he's unravelling. Yanking off his glasses, Yuuri turns his head and buries his face into his hand. There's little he can do to hide the noise. His distress hiccups out of him, pushes past his ability to hold his breath in an attempt to hold it all in.</p><p class="western">He feels Viktor moving, rising up from his lying position.</p><p class="western">“Yuuri? Are you okay?”</p><p class="western">He shakes his head.</p><p class="western">Viktor makes a small sound, worried but also just a little bit helpless. “I never know what to do when someone cries in front of me. Should I kiss you? Will that help?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri almost laughs. How can Viktor be as bad at this as he is? They're both such disasters. They really were made for each other.</p><p class="western">He knows what he needs, even if he feels entirely selfish and weak for asking for it. The last thing Yuuri ever wanted was to cry in a hotel room over his feelings for someone – someone who is <em>right</em> <em>here</em>, beside him – and yet it's happening anyway. He misses Viktor already. It must be fate. No one ever warned him it would hurt like this. Maybe they didn't think to when they saw how happy Yuuri was earlier. Maybe they couldn't bring themselves to.</p><p class="western">“Just...” Yuuri makes a particularly gross, wet sound. “Just hold me. <em>Please.</em>”</p><p class="western">“Come here, sweetheart.”</p><p class="western">Although he asked for this, Yuuri still resists at first, not wanting Viktor see how sweaty and gross and red-faced he must be, but there's only so much he can take of his growing dread. The gentle urging of Viktor's hand soon has him twisting around and throwing his face into Viktor's chest, burying it into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. It smells fresh and familiar, like fabric softener and Viktor. Calming, almost. The tears keep coming, but the feeling of Viktor all around him somehow eases the way, makes it less rough and scraping on his insides, makes enduring them bearable.</p><p class="western">Here, in the protective space of Viktor's arms, he lets it all out.</p><p class="western">Viktor's hand cradles the back of Yuuri's head while another rubs his back, like he's encouraging the tears and the noises and the desperation to come out. Like Yuuri's a baby he's trying to encourage burps out of. Yuuri thinks he should be annoyed by the mental image, but instead it makes him cough weak laughter into Viktor's chest. Funnily enough, it starts to calm him down.</p><p class="western">“Everything will be alright,” Viktor says. <em>Quotes</em>, Yuuri realizes with a hard pang of his heart.</p><p class="western">Yuuri sniffles wetly. “H-How do you know?”</p><p class="western">“I just do.”</p><p class="western">Under his breath, Yuuri confesses, “I don't want to lose you.”</p><p class="western">He doesn't know how Viktor is able to hear him, but Viktor answers anyway. “You won't.”</p><p class="western">“It feels like I will. It feels like this is ending.”</p><p class="western">“It's not,” Viktor assures him. He kisses the middle of Yuuri's head. “This is only the start. You'll see.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri lets the words wash over him. Though they don't cure the ache, they soothe the worst of its sting, at least for now. He closes his eyes and lets out a long, tired sigh. He can hear Cardcaptor Sakura still playing in the background, but it might as well be playing in a whole other room right now. Everything feels far away. Everything except time pressing down on them.</p><p class="western">“Sleep, Yuuri,” Viktor says. “I think you need it. Don't worry, I'll set an alarm and wake you up in a bit. We can talk some more later, if you want?”</p><p class="western">With a nod, Yuuri accepts the offer. The more anxious part of him wants to talk now, get the worst of it over with, but he also knows he's balancing precariously between calm and upset, and it's only being worsened by his fatigue. Talking should wait until after they've both rested.</p><p class="western">So Yuuri lies back down in the bed, huddled close next to Viktor, and lets his body sink like a stone into the mattress. The sound of Viktor's steady breathing and of a child's magic coming to life guide him to a dreamless sleep.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">When Yuuri comes to, it's to a hand on his shoulder gently shaking him awake. He blinks, vision bleary. The room is dark but for a single lamp glowing on one of the nightstands, which doesn't make focusing any easier. Phichit's laptop, which has been set off to the side, is black except for a chubby hamster screensaver that slowly bounces across all four sides of the monitor. Or at least that's what it is in theory. Yuuri's seen it enough times to have it memorized, but right now it looks more like a fuzzy, orange blob than an actual animal.</p><p class="western">“Hey,” Viktor whispers into Yuuri's ear. “Your phone went off a minute ago. I think your friends are trying to reach you.”</p><p class="western">“Mmn?” Yuuri feels awful, like he's trapped in the lingering haze of jet lag. Squinting, he fumbles for his glasses and his phone. He doesn't remember putting them on the nightstand, but that's where they end up being.</p><p class="western">Like Viktor says, there's a message waiting for him in the group chat.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hey buddy! Hope I'm not interrupting anything ;D (if I am omg pls ignore me I am not trying to cocokblock, I swear)</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>We're getting dinner right now. You guys want anything? I'll bring it up to you!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Thumb swiping over the keyboard, Yuuri replies.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Sure, that'd be great actually</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>What're you guys getting?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Phichit:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Burgerrrrssssss *^*</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>But I can get you whatever you want, the lines down here are pretty decent right now</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Whaddya want?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Yuuri rolls over to look up at Viktor. “Are you hungry?”</p><p class="western">“Starving,” Viktor admits.</p><p class="western">“Phichit's offering to bring us back food. How do you feel about burgers?”</p><p class="western">The look on Viktor's face can only be described as utterly ravenous. “I'd <em>kill</em> for a burger right now.”</p><p class="western">The raw hunger in Viktor's voice has Yuuri snorting. “Okay, tell me what you want then.”</p><p class="western">“A giant bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries. Oh, and a milkshake. I haven't had one of those in months. Strawberry if they have it, chocolate if not.”</p><p class="western">“Wow, I wouldn't have pegged you for a bacon cheeseburger kind of person,” Yuuri says. “I figured you'd load up on something healthier, like... tomatoes or lettuce or something. Or maybe a grilled chicken burger with a salad.”</p><p class="western">Hand over his heart, Viktor replies, “If I'm going to have a burger of any kind, then I want the most delicious, decadent thing ever. I spend the rest of my time watching my food intake. If I'm going to go all out, it's going to be <em>all</em> out.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri can't help smile softly. So Viktor has a hidden appetite, huh? That's certainly something they have in common. “Okay, noted. Any toppings you don't want?”</p><p class="western">Viktor levels Yuuri with a serious glance. “Yuuri. I said I want it <em>all</em>. No holding back on me now.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri chuckles. “Okay, okay.”</p><p class="western">He types in both Viktor's and his request, then sets his phone aside. He scrubs a hand over his dry eyes. “How long was I out?”</p><p class="western">“Little over half an hour. I figured any longer than that and you'd wake up feeling awful.”</p><p class="western">“Can't imagine feeling worse than this,” Yuuri mumbles, voice cracking. His head throbs, probably from all the crying earlier. He feels like a rag that's been twisted and scrunched up until every drop of life in him as been squeezed out. When was the last time he cried like that? He can't even remember. He doesn't do it often. If it happens, it's normally alongside a panic attack, not a thing all on its own. How long has he been holding onto these feelings if they came out this intensely?</p><p class="western">“Here,” Viktor says, standing up and heading to the kitchenette in the other room, “let me get you some water. You're probably dehydrated.”</p><p class="western">“Hrrnn,” Yuuri groans.</p><p class="western">Viktor returns with two bottles. He opens and hands Yuuri one, smiling encouragingly at him until Yuuri takes the hint and takes a long swig.</p><p class="western">“... How are <em>you</em> feeling?” Yuuri asks after a pause.</p><p class="western">Viktor waits until after he's downed half his water bottle before he answers. “Tired. But nothing I can't manage. Mostly I want to eat and sleep some more, but I still have to pack up my things before we can do that.”</p><p class="western">Oh, right. Yuuri has to do that, too. His mess of crap is still in the other hotel room, waiting for him to sort through so as to avoid forgetting anything. It's not what's at the forefront of his mind right now, though. There's other, far more pressing matters.</p><p class="western">“Viktor?”</p><p class="western">“Yes?”</p><p class="western">“How are we going to do this?”</p><p class="western">Viktor's face goes blank. “Do what?”</p><p class="western">“Us,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">Viktor's brow pinches. “Are... you having second thoughts?”</p><p class="western">Immediately Yuuri realizes his mistake, and he rushes out, “No, no. I <em>want</em> this. I just – I don't know what we're going to do. We live several states apart.”</p><p class="western">“Could be worse,” Viktor says with a shrug. “Could be different countries.”</p><p class="western">“Viktor,” Yuuri groans, wishing he'd take this a little more seriously.</p><p class="western">“I'm only saying it's not as impossible as it feels right now. I was thinking about it while you were sleeping, and I think I have a game plan.” Viktor settles against the headboard of the bed, legs loosely crossed. “You have a normal-ish job, so that means less time to travel for you, right?”</p><p class="western">“Sorta. Minako is always on my ass about me taking vacation time.”</p><p class="western">“You don't use it all up? Don't you attend cons all year?”</p><p class="western">“Uh. Kinda.” Yuuri takes another swig, his dry throat craving the temporary relief. “I go to a couple cons throughout the year, but not that many. Nowhere near as many as you do.”</p><p class="western">“Why not?”</p><p class="western">“I don't really like going to cons by myself. It's a little too much,” Yuuri explains. “I only take time when everyone else is able to. It's more fun that way. Other than a few local stuff, I don't think I'm hitting another big con this year.” When Viktor stares mutely at him, Yuuri puts on a quick smile and tacks on with as flirtatious as a voice he can manage with a scratchy throat, “Which means I have time left over that I'm not using for anything important.”</p><p class="western">Viktor visibly brightens. “That's good to hear, actually. I have no problem visiting you as much as I can, but I'd love for you to be able to come meet Makkachin sometime.” His voice turns sweet as honey. “She'd love to meet you. I've told her all about you.”</p><p class="western">“I'd love to meet her, too,” Yuuri says, warming at the thought of getting to meet someone so special. “I've wanted to meet her ever since her special debut.”</p><p class="western">“Ah, don't remind me. I'm still hurting over how she wrecked that costume. She only had the damn thing on for ten minutes at most. It was <em>at least</em> two hundred dollars down the drain, and no good photos to show for it either, only that video Chris got of me begging for her to stop.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri smiles fondly into the lid of bottle. He loves her already.</p><p class="western">“Before I forget,” Viktor quickly segues, “I was Googling flights.”</p><p class="western">“While we were supposed to be sleeping?”</p><p class="western">“I shut my eyes for a few minutes, I promise. Anyway, I checked some things. We're only about an hour and a half to two hour flight away from each other. Not too bad, I think. And if that's too expensive for you, it's only a 10 hour drive. It'll be rough, but it's doable.”</p><p class="western">“That's not a deterrent for you?” Yuuri asks, frowning. He's driven around that length of time for cons, but it was also with other people who could take a turn at the wheel if he needed a break. And only a handful of times, at that. Viktor already does so much travelling all over the country; does he really want to do more of that just to see a boyfriend?</p><p class="western">“Nope,” Viktor replies easily. “I drove for like a week across half the country by myself once to move in with Chris. Driving is nothing.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's brow lifts at the statement, but he decides not to comment.</p><p class="western">“You've given this a lot of thought,” he says.</p><p class="western">“Not really.” Viktor stares at his bare feet, which he wiggles back and forth. “I didn't let myself think about a lot of things, to be honest. Especially about the logistics of being with you, because I didn't think it'd happen. I didn't want to get my hopes up. This is just what I came up with in the last hour.” In a smaller voice, he says, “I might be a bit hopeful right now that this won't eventually blow up in my face.”</p><p class="western">“Why would it?”</p><p class="western">“Well...” Viktor sighs. “I don't know.”</p><p class="western">“You're worried that I'll stop liking you,” Yuuri guesses, because it's also what he fears the most right now.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Viktor nods.</p><p class="western">It gives Yuuri pause. He never thought Viktor might harbour the same troubles as him. Then again, it feels obvious now, with what he knows. Someone Viktor loved in person left him for much, much less. Of course he would be scared of losing someone else all over again. There's already a lot of risk here without the added emotional baggage to weigh Viktor down.</p><p class="western">“That's not going to happen,” Yuuri says.</p><p class="western">“I don't know if you can promise that,” Viktor counters.</p><p class="western">“Of course I can. I'm as serious about this as you are.” Placing a hand over Viktor's, Yuuri asserts, “Viktor, I didn't spend years of my life adoring you to let you go over something like distance. You mean everything to me. I'm never letting you go, so you're stuck with me.”</p><p class="western">Viktor's expression softens, but he says nothing.</p><p class="western">Well, if Yuuri can't convince him this way, then he'll assure Viktor with other promises. More concrete ones that they can both look forward to to keep their hope renewable.</p><p class="western">“When is the best time or place for us to meet up again?” he asks.</p><p class="western">“I'm busy for most of the summer,” Viktor says, deflating at the admission. He lets the back of his head hit the headboard. “But I've looked through my schedule, and the soonest I'm free again is early September.”</p><p class="western">Early September. That's almost two whole months apart. Two months without Viktor's kisses or his hugs or cuddling in bed. Yuuri's only had this for a night and a day, and already he yearns for its return. But he can't let himself wallow, not when they're still here, so Yuuri nods in quiet understanding.</p><p class="western">“I'll have to talk to Minako to see how scheduling goes at work,” he says, “but if you want to... do you want to come visit me in Detroit?”</p><p class="western">Viktor sits up straighter. “Come see you?”</p><p class="western">“Yeah.” Yuuri pauses, then backtracks. “Or – or would you rather I come see you first? I can do that if you want. What am I saying, you already said you wanted me to meet Makkachin, of course you want me to visit you first.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri...”</p><p class="western">“I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude and invite myself into your house, I don't know what I was thinking – ”</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri,</em>” Viktor cuts in, more forcefully.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stops. “Yes?”</p><p class="western">“I'd love to come see you.”</p><p class="western">“R-Really?”</p><p class="western">Viktor smiles, ice-blue eyes sparkling like snow crystals. Hands still touching, Viktor's moves his to lace fingers through Yuuri's. He holds on, strongly, like they're making a secret pact between the two of them.</p><p class="western">“I'll come as soon as I can,” he says. “As soon as you're ready for me.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri's breath catches in his chest.</p><p class="western">“Even though I live in a small apartment?” he asks. “It's not exactly glamorous or exciting. I don't know if you'd be comfortable. My bed isn't that big, and neither is the couch. I'd have to figure something out.”</p><p class="western">“I don't care about that. I only care about you.” Viktor rubs his thumb over the knuckle of Yuuri's forefinger. “Besides, I used to live in a tiny apartment with Chris a few years ago. I know how it is. I'm certainly not judging. Plus I get to see Vicchan, right? That more than makes up for anything else.”</p><p class="western">“...Okay,” Yuuri exhales. He can worry about it later. For now, he has to trust it's not an issue.</p><p class="western">“I know you're scared,” Viktor says, bringing Yuuri's hand up to his lips. His kiss tickles Yuuri's fingers as he breathes promises into his skin, “But I'll show you. It'll be hard, but we can do this. I'll be the best boyfriend imaginable. You won't regret this.”</p><p class="western">“I don't need you to be the best anything,” Yuuri says. Viktor looks up, stunned. It strikes Yuuri how that might be a cold thing to say, but he continues on, hoping Viktor understand what he means. “Just be yourself. That's all I want. I just want you.”</p><p class="western">“<em>Yuuri.</em>” Viktor throws his arms around Yuuri and holds on tight.</p><p class="western">Arms returning the embrace, Yuuri grins into Viktor's shoulder. He's terrified – he's not so sure that will ever go away – but he's excited, too. Almost overwhelmingly so. The future feels far away, but it also feels tangible now.</p><p class="western">He teases into Viktor's neck, “You're going to wear my name out at this rate.”</p><p class="western">Viktor pulls back enough to throw Yuuri an arched brow. He retorts with a low and sultry, “You haven't heard even half of the ways I can say your name.”</p><p class="western">“V-Viktor! You can't just say stuff like that.”</p><p class="western">“Why not? We're boyfriends, aren't we?” Viktor continues to purr.</p><p class="western">“Y-Yes... but...”</p><p class="western">Viktor stares, waiting.</p><p class="western">“Do... do you even want to be called that?” Yuuri thinks back to earlier, when Phichit joked about them being 'hot cosplay boyfriends.' Viktor's potent silence that lingered in Yuuri's head long after. “I know that's what everyone else thinks, but what do <em>you</em> want?”</p><p class="western">“Hm. You mean the gender thing?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri nods.</p><p class="western">A line appears between Viktor's brow. “You... <em>want</em> me to be something else? Wouldn't that complicate things for you?”</p><p class="western">“It's not complicating anything. I want you to feel like yourself when you're with me. If you'd rather not explore this further, that's okay, but I want you to know it's okay to be something else with me, too.”</p><p class="western">“Huh.” Viktor stares into space for a long, quiet moment. “Sorry. I'm not used to this. I know I told you, but I figured that was the end of it. I'd shove it all back into the closet and we'd move on.”</p><p class="western">“Do you want to do that?”</p><p class="western">“...No,” Viktor admits after a pause. He wets his lips. “I think... I'd like to know what it's like to be more like myself. I don't know if I can do that fully, but if it's with you, then I think I can.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri grins. “Whatever you're comfortable with. You call the shots.”</p><p class="western">“I guess I do,” Viktor says, wonder in his voice.</p><p class="western">“So,” Yuuri says, feeling playful once more, “are you my boyfriend, or would rather a different term. Girlfriend? Partner? I've heard 'joyfriend' before, but I'm not sure that one is very common.” He rubs a hand casually along Viktor's side, a little like how Viktor did earlier. He means to comfort Viktor and any potential anxiety growing inside at the subject of conversation, but somehow the action feels less reassuring and more suggestive somehow. Maybe that's why he lets out a shameless sounding, “Although I will say you <em>do</em> give me a lot of joy, so it wouldn't be inaccurate.”</p><p class="western">“Yuuuriiiiiiii,” Viktor croons, the tops of his cheeks reddening with embarrassment – and with pleasure, Yuuri thinks. Viktor most definitely looks pleased by the extra flirting. He'll have to remind himself to do it more often.</p><p class="western">“If you get to tease, then so do I,” Yuuri says with a laugh.</p><p class="western">“How cruel of you. It's a good thing I like this side of you.” Viktor cups his chin between his thumb and forefinger, eyes upwards as he seems to consider possibilities. “To be honest, I don't really know if another word works better for me.”</p><p class="western">“You said you don't feel like a man,” Yuuri prompts.</p><p class="western">“Some of the time,” Viktor reminds him.</p><p class="western">“Right. Does being called 'boyfriend' make you uncomfortable at all?”</p><p class="western">“Not really. I like it a lot, actually. I'm not sure how to explain it, but the feeling of being called a 'boy' or 'man' is different than 'boyfriend.' Even though they're technically related to each other, they don't feel the same to me. It makes me happy being called your boyfriend.” Viktor tilts his head. “Is that weird?”</p><p class="western">“I don't think so,” Yuuri says. He's not sure he fully understands what Viktor means, but he trusts Viktor's feelings on this. “Speaking of, what about pronouns? I know you said this between us, so I wouldn't be saying it in public, but is there something you want me to refer to you as when it's just us in private?”</p><p class="western">“Does it matter? It's not like you'll be talking about me to anyone else.”</p><p class="western">“Well... what if I want to make cute comments about you to Makkachin or Vicchan? I'd need to know then.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, Yuuri. I wish I had answers, but I haven't really thought about it.” Viktor shrugs. “Figuring out the specifics didn't feel worth the stress when I thought no one would know.”</p><p class="western">“Sorry,” Yuuri apologizes. “I don't mean to put you on the spot.”</p><p class="western">“It's alright, really. I think I just need some time to figure out specifics. Let's stick with he/him for now, okay?”</p><p class="western">“Okay. You'll let me know if you change your mind?”</p><p class="western">“I will,” Viktor promises. “Once I figure more of this stuff out.”</p><p class="western">“<em>We'll</em> figure it out. Together,” Yuuri says. “You're not alone in this anymore, okay? I'm on your side.”</p><p class="western">For a long moment Viktor stares at him, lips parted but not saying anything. His eyes dart all over Yuuri's face, like he might find the lie if he studies hard enough. Evidently he can't, because the corner of his mouth lips, and he says, “Careful, Yuuri. I might start believing you.”</p><p class="western">“Believe me,” Yuuri says back.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks down, teeth digging into his bottom lip. It takes everything Yuuri has not to reach out and urge the delicate flesh out before it can be torn.</p><p class="western">“One more thing,” he says instead.</p><p class="western">Viktor looks back up. “Hm?”</p><p class="western">“Gimme your phone.”</p><p class="western">“What for?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri flaps his hand. “Shhh. Just give it.”</p><p class="western">Viktor does, unlocking the screen before placing it into Yuuri's palm. Yuuri goes straight to Viktor's contacts and begins typing. When he's done, he hands it back over, watching as Viktor looks down at the screen – and immediately lights up when he realizes what it is.</p><p class="western">“Is this your number?”</p><p class="western">“No, it's Phichit's,” Yuuri jokes. He laughs when Viktor makes a baffled face. “<em>Yes</em>, it's mine. If we're going to be official, we should probably move our convos off of Twitter.”</p><p class="western">Viktor utterly beams. “Let me see yours, too.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri waits patiently as Viktor inputs his cell into Yuuri's phone. He can't help but think that not even a few days ago, he would have been vibrating with excitement over receiving <em>Viktor Nikiforov's</em> personal number. Now, however, he smiles contently and thinks instead to himself: <em>I have </em>Viktor's<em> number. </em>Viktor, his nerdy, silly, yet wonderfully sincere and wonderful boyfriend who deserves all the world and more.</p><p class="western">“Oh,” Viktor says, pulling back his hand when Yuuri goes to retrieve his phone, “before I give this back...”</p><p class="western">“Yes?”</p><p class="western">“I need a personal photo. Y'know, for your contact info. I want to see your cute face every time we text. But it can't be just any photo of yours. I want something only we have.”</p><p class="western">“Do cosplay selfies not count?”</p><p class="western">Viktor shakes his head. “Those are fantastic on their own, and trust me, I am going to hoard as many of those as I can get, but I want <em>you </em>for this.”</p><p class="western">It takes a moment for the words to sink in, the surreality of Viktor being as obsessed with him as he is with Viktor. It almost makes Yuuri laugh, because how is he supposed to process something as large and logic-defying as that? Maybe he should stop questioning reality and float along with this dream for as far it takes him. Jumping for the impossible landed him here, after all.</p><p class="western">Yuuri opens up the camera app on his phone and leans in closer to Viktor's side. “Well, c'mere then. Don't keep me waiting.”</p><p class="western">It's a simple photo. Maybe nothing special to the average person. Just two people making silly faces up into the screen. Two people who look worn out and yet incredibly happy anyway. But for Yuuri, it means everything. It's them relaxed, hair messed from sleep and post-con bags under their eyes, them pressed together, cheeks practically squishing from how close Viktor tries to get, them enjoying each others company with each precious second they have left, it's <em>them</em>.</p><p class="western">Even though the seconds are counting down to an inescapable zero, they'll always have this. They'll always have each other.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I miss you</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Viktor, I'm in the hallway! You know, getting your dinner? </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm not even a minute away you big baby</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Hurry back soon~</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri: </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're only saying that because you're hungry</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>:3c</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Yes and no</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Gimme a minute, I'll be back in a sec, we're just chatting real quick</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, can you start packing an overnight bag for Chris? Phichit says he's planning on spending the night in the other room for, uh, “reasons”</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Phichit wants you to know he actually finger-quoted that. What a nerd, huh?)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Can do!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Please remind me to buy Chris a drink sometime, he's a real one. Phichit, too! I think we owe them both a lot right now)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>asdfghjkjdfgh</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(Phichit says he'll collect on that next con)</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>(I look forward to it~ )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>-</b>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">They spend their last night in luxury.</p><p class="western">Well. Cheap nerd luxury, technically speaking, especially if you count them staying in a fancy suite and eating food completely comped for them by the convention. But Yuuri wouldn't have it any other way.</p><p class="western">Huddled close under the blankets, they dine on juicy burgers, drink thick milkshakes topped with fluffy whipped cream and a bright red cherry, and double dip their hot fries in each others cups of ketchup as they re-start their Cardcaptor Sakura experience. Viktor frequently makes happy noises, pointing at the screen as he whispers, “This is my favourite part!” more times than Yuuri can really count.</p><p class="western">“I think the whole thing is your favourite,” Yuuri teases, stealing one of Viktor's fries before he has a chance to stop it.</p><p class="western">Viktor retaliates by stealing Yuuri's cherry and popping it into his mouth. “Everything about right now is my favourite.”</p><p class="western">(Yuuri has to bury his face into Viktor's hair to hide the noise he almost makes.)</p><p class="western">After a good five or six episodes, they put the watch on hold to pack up Viktor's things.</p><p class="western">“I'm fine doing this by myself,” Viktor says when Yuuri starts collecting their garbage and tossing them into a bag. “You worked all weekend, you can relax until I'm done.”</p><p class="western">“So did you,” Yuuri retorts, nose crinkling. “Phichit's packing my stuff for me, so it's not like there's anywhere I need to be right now. There's no way I'm gonna sit back and watch you work even more.”</p><p class="western">“Okay, fair,” Viktor relents with a sigh. “Can you grab Chris' things for me, then? He doesn't have too much, but I think it'd be a nice 'thank you' for him giving us private time.”</p><p class="western">“Can do,” Yuuri replies.</p><p class="western">Packing doesn't take too much, though it's done entirely in a silence that feels contemplative. Suitcases are zipped, boxes are taped back up, cosplays are double (and triple) checked before they're properly put away for a safe travel home. Viktor goes through several sheets of paper that make up his entire inventory consisting of personal items, cosplay, and everything pertaining to his business. His mouth silently moves as he counts and sorts through everything, the black sharpie in his hand slowly checking off each row on the page one by one.</p><p class="western">In the middle of counting a stack of leftover Sidon prints, Viktor lets out a sharp gasp. “I almost forgot!”</p><p class="western">“Almost forgot what?” Yuuri asks over his shoulder.</p><p class="western">“We were supposed to trade prints.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, yeah. Oops.”</p><p class="western">Apparently “oops” isn't enough of a response for Viktor. Pushing Yuuri straight towards the exit, Viktor orders him, “Go, go! Pick out your best one before it's too late.”</p><p class="western">“But which is the best one?”</p><p class="western">“Yuuri, there's no time! You'll know when you see it!”</p><p class="western">“What? There's totally time – ”</p><p class="western">The hotel door clips the conversation off, leaving Yuuri standing outside in the hallway with nothing but his bare feet, pajamas, and a confused look on his face. Thankfully no one else is around to question why he was dramatically shoved out a hotel door like this...</p><p class="western">“I can explain,” he says when Phichit opens the door.</p><p class="western">Phichit whistles and lets him in. “Damn, he kicked you out already? It's barely been a day. That's gotta be a record of some sort.”</p><p class="western">“Ha-ha,” Yuuri answers in a flat voice. He waves at everyone in the sitting room – his friends <em>and</em> Michele, unsurprisingly, who are sprawled out across the room, either watching TV or dozing off, the garbage from their dinner cluttering the table in a mini mountain but ignored for now in favour of much needed rest – and makes a beeline for the bedroom.</p><p class="western">Unfortunately for him, their prints were all packed up earlier. Yuuri has to rip several boxes open again to get a decent look at his selection. He lays out the few prints depicting him and not the entire group on the carpeted floor, and stares blankly down at them. If he were Viktor, which one would he want? While Yuuri likes each print on their own, all three display different strengths of his particular cosplay style. What would appeal to Viktor more? The dynamic posing of Sesshoumaru, something that highlights the finer details of his costumes such as his Kyoshi, or the overall illusion in his brand new Ruby Moon which gives the viewer the whole picture of his gender bending skills?</p><p class="western">... Actually, why is he even asking himself this question when the answer is so obvious? After all, Viktor already gave him an answer of sorts, didn't he?</p><p class="western">(But what to write on them...)</p><p class="western">When Yuuri returns a while later, Viktor takes one look at the small pile of prints in Yuuri's arm and lights up.</p><p class="western">“Here,” Yuuri says, pushing them into Viktor's hands, “for your growing hoard.”</p><p class="western">“We had the same idea,” Viktor laughs, leading Yuuri back into the bedroom. Several of Viktor's prints sit on the nightstand, awaiting Yuuri's arrival, each print inside a thin plastic sleeve to help protect them from damage. “Oh, look at how good these are,” he continues. “I can't wait to have them properly framed and up on my bedroom walls.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri swallows. “Your <em>bedroom</em> walls?”</p><p class="western">“Mmhmm. I want something nice to look at while I fall asleep,” Viktor replies.</p><p class="western">“Well,” Yuuri says, adjusting his glasses, “before you do that, maybe take a look at the bottom of them first?”</p><p class="western">At Yuuri's direction, Viktor lays the three prints out in particular order on the bed. A moment passes, and then Viktor cups a hand over his mouth when he realizes what Yuuri wrote out on each print. Yuuri signed his name, of course – a simple <em>Katsuki Yuuri </em>at the bottom right corner of each one – but there's also a single word sitting above his name. Lined up they read:</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <em>See You Soon</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Next to the last word, floating along the hem of Ruby Moon's long skirt, in undeniable, bold pink lipstick, is the imprint of his kiss.</p><p class="western">“I didn't really know what else to put on them,” Yuuri admits, rubbing a hand up and down his elbow. He feels silly now, looking at the simple message. It's too short, too plain. And a kiss of all things? How embarrassing. Why didn't he write something else, something more meaningful and revealing? They're <em>dating</em>. Why couldn't he have written a poetic love letter that would set Viktor's heart on fire? There's no way Viktor isn't disappointed that this is all that's there. He probably thinks Yuuri is lazy and indifferent to how special these are supposed to be.</p><p class="western">Except that's not how Viktor takes it. He lightly touches his fingertips down the Ruby Moon print, over the word “soon,” trailing over to the physical memory of Yuuri's kiss, tho he's careful not to smudge it. He stares at it for a long, quiet moment.</p><p class="western">“I love it,” he says.</p><p class="western">“You do?”</p><p class="western">Viktor nods, smiling. “It's perfect. It's so you. Not to mention it makes all three images a unique set. No one else has something like this from you.”</p><p class="western">“I guess it would make to harder to re-sell them online,” Yuuri admits. “It would be confusing to anyone else.”</p><p class="western">“As if I would ever do that! These are mine forever.”</p><p class="western">“I'm just saying. Maybe they'll be worth something someday.”</p><p class="western">Viktor wraps an arm around Yuuri and pulls him in for an easy side-hug. “They're worth many things <em>now</em>. So much more than anyone else could ever try and buy from me.”</p><p class="western">“Sure, sure,” Yuuri says with a playful roll of his eyes. “Did you end up writing anything on yours? I bet you came up with something way better.”</p><p class="western">“I'll let you decide on that,” Viktor says, reaching over to grab his own stack for Yuuri. Like Yuuri's own offering, there are three prints, all of which feature the cosplays he wore this weekend. Viktor as Nightwing, Sidon, and Cecil. There are other prints of other costumes available, Yuuri's seen them off and on all weekend, but he can sense the reason behind these choices. A visual reminder of the time they shared together.</p><p class="western">One by one, Yuuri flips through them like playing cards, reading each message with widening eyes.</p><p class="western">“Viktor.”</p><p class="western">“Mmn?”</p><p class="western">“I can <em>never</em> show these to anyone.”</p><p class="western">“Why not?” Viktor innocently asks.</p><p class="western">“Gee, I wonder.” Yuuri reads them over again and feels himself progressively floating up into the heavens with how utterly sappy these are. He almost can't look straight at them, can only hover his gaze around them. His heart beats too fast, his ears and cheeks blazing hot from how the words shoot straight to his heart.</p><p class="western">On Nightwing, the gold letters reads in the night sky: <em>One must never use real names in the field, but I'll happily call out yours every time~</em></p><p class="western">With Sidon, the same gold flows along with the dark water at the bottom: <em>I've been waiting for someone like you; I'm beyond happy to have finally found you~</em></p><p class="western">And finally, in the top center of the last print, floating like a halo above Viktor's head in the pink-purple clouds of a morning sky: <em>Ours is a Theme of Love my darling~</em></p><p class="western">How is his boyfriend this genuinely, adorably romantic? How is he <em>this</em> lucky?</p><p class="western">“There's only one place these can go,” Yuuri says with a mock-sigh.</p><p class="western">“Oh? And where is that?”</p><p class="western">“<em>My</em> bedroom.”</p><p class="western">A happy noise escapes Viktor, seconds before he flings his other arm around Yuuri and wraps him up into a proper hug this time. Yuuri angles himself to make sure his new treasures aren't squished, though he curls an arm around Viktor's waist and holds on just as tightly.</p><p class="western">“Think of me,” Viktor whispers preciously into Yuuri's hair.</p><p class="western">“Already am,” Yuuri whispers back in the same tone.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Quietly, they return to cleaning up their mess and packing way the last of Viktor's things. Once everything is piled into a mountain of belongings in a corner, they retire to Viktor's bed. Lights off, alarms set, they start the next episode of CCS. Yuuri strokes an aimless hand through Viktor's soft hair, listening as Viktor's breathing slows and deepens, his eyes fallen shut.</p><p class="western">Yuuri refuses to think about anything but the weight of Viktor's body on his, the way it rests securely on him like his weighted blanket back home, until his own eyes begin to feel heavy. The sounds of Sakura bantering with her brother fade into the background, hazy around the edges of his consciousness.</p><p class="western">Finally Yuuri gives in, and lets the night end.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Well,” Phichit says, closing the trunk of Yuuri's car after the last box is packed in, “that's it. The weekend is officially over, my dudes.”</p><p class="western"><em>It is, isn't it?</em> Yuuri thinks to himself. His friends and Emil surround his car, but Yuuri stands back, staring over his shoulder at the hotel entrance, waiting.</p><p class="western">He can still feel Viktor all around him. The smell of his shampoo and conditioner when he buried his face in Viktor's neck. The physical memory of their last hug gripping him tight. The heat of Viktor's kiss that left Yuuri breathless, that told him he was missed already. Yuuri's lips still tingle with it. His body carries every sensation with him like it's a part of him. He's not sure he'll ever forget the feeling of Viktor... but he knows it will leave him soon, before he's ready for it. That scares him almost as much as leaving Viktor does.</p><p class="western">“<em>I'll see you downstairs?”</em> he'd asked, because even in their final moments, he couldn't bring himself to let go just yet.</p><p class="western">“<em>You will,”</em> Viktor promised.</p><p class="western">Viktor's inside the lobby right now. Yuuri knows this because Viktor came down just as his group finished checking out and were heading towards the exit. He should be done soon. Yet each person who walks through those twin door isn't Viktor, so Yuuri forces himself to look away, swallowing thickly around his growing unease.</p><p class="western">“It's Monday morning,” Guang Hong retorts at the end of a long yawn. He scrubs the heel of his hand into his eyes. “Weekend technically ended at midnight.”</p><p class="western">Leo makes a sympathetic noise and pats Guang Hong's shoulder. “You can sleep on me on the way back, okay?”</p><p class="western">Guang Hong yawns out another, “Mmkay.”</p><p class="western">Emil pulls the luggage cart out of the way and back onto the sidewalk. He braces a hand against the length of it, head tilted as he eyes the four of them with easy familiarity. “Whelp, it was nice meeting you guys. I hope you all had a good weekend.”</p><p class="western">Phichit beams. “It was great! Thanks so much for helping us out.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, it was no trouble,” Emil says with an easy flap of his hand.</p><p class="western">“Actually, as a small thank you...”</p><p class="western">“A small what now?”</p><p class="western">Reaching into the front passenger seat, Phichit pulls out one of two gift baskets that they purchased the night before. Yuuri's not sure where they found these, or if they actually went to the trouble of making them, but it's a helluva strange basket. Inside sparkly see-through gift wrap is an assortment of different energy drinks, the cans tall, black, and neon coloured. Various types of protein-filled snacks sits next to them, along with skin care face masks for under eye issues, and a sleep mask with a cartoonish design of a sleeping robot face.</p><p class="western">Taking the basket, Emil turns it over in his hands. “Wow, this is for me?”</p><p class="western">“We figured you'd like something to help you recover after a long, stressful weekend,” Leo explains.</p><p class="western">Emil lets out a deep, full belly laugh. He tucks the basket under one arm. “Wow, thanks. I've never used a skin care mask before. This will be interesting. Do I need to shave my face for that?”</p><p class="western">“Not really,” Phichit says. “Do whatever feels right for you.”</p><p class="western">“Even better.” Emil lets out a long, easy exhale. “Well, I'll see you guys around. If you're ever out at an East con, look me up. That's where I normally frequent.”</p><p class="western">“Will do. See ya!” Phichit replies, waving him off as their liaison heads towards the hotel.</p><p class="western">Yuuri watches Emil leave, his mind blank – until Emil holds open the door for someone exiting and he realizes that it's Viktor. Christophe and Seung Gil follow closely behind, their own luggage cart trailing after them, wheels clacking against the tiny crevices in the pavement.</p><p class="western">“Your car should be right already be here, it was sent for a short while ago,” Seung Gil is saying to Viktor, unaware that Viktor's attention goes straight to Yuuri as soon as their eyes meet.</p><p class="western">“Oh, hey! Look who it is,” Phichit calls over. The sharp abruptness of his voice has Seung Gil stopping mid-sentence, looking at them with a furrowed brow. “Yes, you,” Phichit continues, gesturing for the trio to come closer. “Come over here, we got something for you.”</p><p class="western">“Excuse me?” Seung Gil says in an unaffected voice.</p><p class="western">“Oh, that's right,” Viktor says. “We have a gift for you.”</p><p class="western">“A gift...” Seung Gil trails off.</p><p class="western">Phichit pulls out the other gift basket. It's much the same as Emil's, but with a sleep mask depicting a fuzzy, sleeping dog instead of a robot. It even comes with tiny triangle ears at the top corners.</p><p class="western">Seung Gil stares down at it with hard eyes as he takes it into his arms. His frown deepens, though it's seems like it's more from confusion than actual disapproval when he asks in a bewildered voice, “Is that supposed to be a husky?”</p><p class="western">“Indeed it is. Dogs are good for the human soul,” Phichit replies. “Or so I'm told, anyway.”</p><p class="western">“Huh.” Seung Gil stares at the husky sleep mask a moment longer. He avoids everyone's eyes as he lets out a quiet, “I – thank you.” He clears his throat. “Let's get your things packed so you can be on your way.”</p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't bother asking if he's needed; he follows Viktor and his small crew over to Viktor's car, a little further down the way. Once there, Yuuri starts lifting heavy boxes off of the cart and carrying them over to open trunk. Anything to help Viktor. Anything to ignore the growing tension behind his eyes.</p><p class="western">He's not the only one working. When Yuuri looks up from the ground, he realizes his friends are there too, helping out in their own way. Lifting things, talking to Viktor, asking him where he wants everything, carrying on an easy conversation with him and Christophe. Viktor hardly has to lift a finger. Before long everything is packed away, and Seung Gil takes his leave with a silent nod of his head at the crew.</p><p class="western">Then it's just the six of them.</p><p class="western">Yuuri stands next to Viktor, wordless as they stare at Viktor's fully packed car.</p><p class="western">“Well...” Viktor begins to say, until Phichit's voice cuts in.</p><p class="western">“You guys hungry?”</p><p class="western">Viktor pauses, then asks, “What did you have in mind?”</p><p class="western">“There's this nice brunch place in town,” Leo chimes in. “We usually make a visit at least once while we're here. Wanna come with and have one last meal together?”</p><p class="western">They do? Well, certainly during the convention weekend, yes, but Yuuri can't think of a recent time they've gone to brunch the morning after a con. Everyone is usually far too tired (and cranky) to sit in a public area and eat food they could just as easily grab on the way home and scarf down in their bedrooms or living rooms. And yet for some reason his friends want to - oh. Yuuri swallows when he realizes what it is his friends are <em>actually</em> after.</p><p class="western">Viktor and Christophe exchange quick looks.</p><p class="western">“I'm down,” Christophe says without hesitation. “It's not like we have to be home right away. We can spare another hour, can't we?”</p><p class="western">Slowly, Viktor's shoulders relax. He smiles at Yuuri and his friends as he replies, “Sure, that sounds great.”</p><p class="western">“Wonderful!” Phichit claps his hands together, grinning widely. “You can join us for the end of the vlog.”</p><p class="western">“Ah, what a privilege that will be,” Christophe says with a chuckle.</p><p class="western">“Indeed, it is! Okay, follow us, we'll show you the way. It's not too far.”</p><p class="western">“We owe Phichit <em>two</em> drinks,” Yuuri whispers to Viktor before he heads for his car.</p><p class="western">“Noted,” Viktor whispers back.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Breakfast is surprisingly easy.</p><p class="western">Maybe because it's easy to pretend this is another day of the con, another day they can share together. Everyone's plates are piled with waffles stacked with fresh fruit and custard, pancakes coated in sweet syrups, crispy bacon and hash browns, eggs scrambled and fried, with small bowls of yogurt, fruit, and granola off to the side. More than enough food to keep them all properly full and content for the long journey home. They sip back hot and cold coffee, and they relive the weekend shared.</p><p class="western">“I can't believe she gave us fan art!” Guang Hong says into Phichit's recording camera, recalling the fan who gifted them with her hard work on Saturday. “Someone legitimately drew all of us, and it looks so good.”</p><p class="western">“Note to self,” Phichit says in the background, waving a hand along the bottom corner of the camera's view, “edit the pic and her info in riiiiight about here. Give her all the love you can, internet!”</p><p class="western">Christophe smiles into the rim of his coffee mug. “I remember the first time Viktor received fan art.”</p><p class="western">“I still have it,” Viktor replies. One hand scoops up scrambled egg with his fork, while the other holds Yuuri's hand under the table. Yuuri squeezes his hand while he tries to look as inconspicuous as possible. Thankfully Phichit's camera hasn't strayed too often to their side of the table; a conscious effort on Phichit's part, Yuuri is sure. “It's framed and in my work room right now, along with some other ones.”</p><p class="western">“You know you've made it big when,” Leo jokes.</p><p class="western">“Wait until someone writes fanfic about you,” Viktor retorts.</p><p class="western">Yuuri nearly chokes on his pancake. “Someone's written fic about you?!”</p><p class="western">“Not that I know of,” Viktor says, “but I've heard about it happening to others.” He lowers his voice to a more flirtatious purr. “Why, did you want to read some?”</p><p class="western">“Uh...”</p><p class="western">Phichit turns his camera on himself, and he says with as serious a face he can muster considering the subject, “For the record, I give you all full permission to write the <em>horniest</em> fic about me possible. Ship me with as many cute anime babes as possible, mmkay?”</p><p class="western">Without a second to spare, Yuuri, Guang Hong, and Leo all start stage-shouting at the camera, “No, no fanfiction, don't do that!” Except not even they can take it all that seriously; the whole table breaks out into ridiculous laughter while Phichit sits there with a huge, shit-eating grin.</p><p class="western">“Don't lie! You'd all read it if it existed!” he accuses.</p><p class="western">“<em>I'd</em> read it,” Christophe says, waggling his brow.</p><p class="western">“Then you're the most honest one here,” Phichit snickers. With his free hand, he holds his iced coffee up in a salute. “To a weird and wacky weekend, my friends. May it only get weirder from here on out.”</p><p class="western">Everyone picks up their drinks, and they stretch across the long table to clink them together.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Well, my friends. This is where we part ways.”</p><p class="western">Phichit's talking to his camera for the final shot of the vlog. They're all standing around Yuuri's parked car, his friends up front, while he hangs near the back with Viktor and Christophe. Phichit goes through the usual good-bye spiel: <em>thanks for watching, we'll see you all soon, check out our social media and Patreon for more pictures and behind-the-scenes content, our next con is...</em></p><p class="western">Yuuri doesn't pay too much attention. He's heard it all before. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Viktor. His boyfriend smiles like everyone else does, but he can tell something's off about it. The gleam in his eyes isn't from the sun shining brightly down on them, and he can't help but catch the way Viktor swallows and presses his lips firmly together. Yuuri doesn't have to ask to know how Viktor is really feeling. He feels it, too. It hurts, so much, almost to the point that acting otherwise hurts worse than letting it exist freely.</p><p class="western">He wishes it didn't have to be like this. He doesn't want them to leave each other upset and hurt, the last thing they see of each other being something fake and put on for the rest of the world around them. He wants to wrap Viktor up into his arms and promise him all of the world. He wants to make Viktor so happy that he smiles even through the contained tears.</p><p class="western">“Okay, I think that's good,” Phichit says, glancing over his shoulder at the rest of them. “How about instead of a cosplay pic, we get one last selfie of all of us together? I think that'd make for a good ending credit photo.”</p><p class="western">Everyone else is agreeable to the idea, so they all start squeezing in for Phichit's camera, adjusting themselves as Phichit orders them around.</p><p class="western">“Guang Hong, a little closer... perfect. Yeah, stand right there. Viktor, wanna scooch down a bit? You're technically in frame but I don't wanna put social media info on top of your face when I edit this later.”</p><p class="western">“Oh, sure,” Viktor says. Except even Yuuri can tell Viktor feels awkward as he bends his knees to try and fit in better with the rest of the group. He shifts himself up and down an inch or two, trying to find something comfortable, but nothing seems to work.</p><p class="western">Yuuri watches him struggle, until an idea occurs to him.</p><p class="western">“Hey, Viktor.”</p><p class="western">“Hm?”</p><p class="western">“Don't scream.”</p><p class="western">“Wha – <em>Yuuri!</em>”</p><p class="western">Viktor arms swing wildly around Yuuri's neck as he bends down, securely grabs the back of Viktor's knees, and hoists Viktor up and into his arms. Although Viktor has a extra inches of height on him and more muscle mass, Yuuri finds it no trouble to completely lift him up like a blushing bride, not when he's been trained to be able to do this since before the start of his dance career. Emphasis on blushing, because Viktor stares into Yuuri's eyes like he's witnessing something he's only seen in dreams before. His cheeks are a bright, rosy pink, and his bottom lip shines as his mouth hangs open. The sight has Yuuri biting his lip against a pleased smile of his own.</p><p class="western">This is what he needed to see before they go. A happiness in Viktor that blooms on his features as naturally as flowers do in the suns rays. He hurts deeply inside, but it's bearable if he knows he can still excite and surprise Viktor in ways he didn't know were possible. He wants Viktor think about this when they go, not the weight of distance.</p><p class="western">“Everything will be alright,” he quotes, voice a whisper for Viktor's ears only. Because if Viktor believes it will be, then he believes it, too.</p><p class="western">Slowly, Viktor's expression relaxes, melts into affection so open and sweet Yuuri can practically taste it on his tongue. If it weren't for the camera, Yuuri thinks Viktor likely would have leaned in and kissed it into him. Yuuri's almost tempted to do it for him.</p><p class="western">“<em>Holy shit</em>, Yuuri!” Phichit shouts when he realizes what's happening behind him. “Wow, I am so glad this thing is still recording. This is the best accident ever.”</p><p class="western">“W-What?” Viktor turns enough to check to see if Phichit is lying or not. Sure enough, the recording button is still glowing. Viktor proceeds to shrink in Yuuri's arms, shoulders almost up to his ears, like he can hide if he tries hard enough.</p><p class="western">“Talk about being manhandled,” Christophe teases. “Hey, didn't you say you were into that? What a nice surprise this is.”</p><p class="western">A high-pitched noise rips its way out of Viktor then. He turns his head to conceal his face in Yuuri's neck.</p><p class="western">“Okay, that settles it!” Phichit declares. “For the first time ever, the credits are going over a video clip! Soak it all in, folks. It's gonna be a while before we get something as cute as this on camera.”</p><p class="western">Viktor just whimpers into Yuuri's skin. Yuuri happily absorbs the tingly feeling as the sound vibrates against his skin and lets out an airy laugh.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Phichit turns his camera off, and then it's time to say a proper good-bye. Everyone stands back, pretending to carry on their own conversation, turned away to give the two of them the privacy they need to get through this.</p><p class="western">“I'll see you soon,” Yuuri breathes into Viktor's kiss.</p><p class="western">“Soon,” Viktor repeats. He presses several more chaste kisses into Yuuri, though they feel as full as longing and affection as his deeper ones do. They wrap each other up in one last hug... and then they force themselves down opposite ends of the parking lot to their cars.</p><p class="western">It takes everything Yuuri has to not run back and beg Viktor to stay with him.</p><p class="western">“I'll drive,” Phichit offers when Yuuri unlocks his car.</p><p class="western">Yuuri blinks at him several times, the words sluggish in his head, having to push through many walls of distracting feelings to get to him. “Huh? That's okay, I can drive.”</p><p class="western">“Nah,” Phichit says with a shake of his head. “You had a long weekend. Let me give you a break, okay?”</p><p class="western">Yuuri sighs. “Sure.”</p><p class="western">He quietly sinks into the passenger seat. Guang Hong goes straight for the aux cord like usual, but he spares them his usually intense playlist when he picks a more upbeat, optimistic tune on his phone. He doesn't recognize the song, but it's pleasant to listen to. It beats sulking in his car to something moody.</p><p class="western">Yuuri looks out the window as the scenery starts to roll by, and he closes his eyes.</p><p class="western">It's only two months until they can see each other again. They can make it. They <em>will</em> make it. Together.</p><p class="western">And then Viktor will be back in his arms, right where he belongs.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">-</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><b>Viktor </b>❤ <b>:</b></p><p class="western">
  <em>Yuuuuriiiiiiiii</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You'll never guess what happened!</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Are you okay???</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><b>Viktor </b>❤ <b>: </b></p><p class="western">
  <em>I'm good! Nothing bad happened, I promise. We're actually still a few hours away from home but we needed a bathroom + supper break</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh good</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So what happened? Tell me all about it : )</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Viktor ❤ : </b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>OKAY!</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So we were grabbing snacks at this gas station we found, and there were three dogs playing out on the grass! </em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Omg Viktor</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><b>Viktor </b> <em>❤ </em> <b>: </b></p><p class="western">
  <em>THREE</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <b>Yuuri:</b>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>You're cute, you know that?</em>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western"><b>Viktor </b> <em>❤ </em> <b>: </b></p><p class="western">
  <em>Not as cute as you~</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>So anyway, I went over to the owner to go say hi, because of course, and then...</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! I can't believe we're finally here at the last chapter. It's incredible! I didn't think I'd get this far, or write this much for what was initially a silly little fic thread I posted two years ago on twitter. I just wanted to thank each and every one of you, whether you were here at the start or came in during the middle/end, for sticking around and reading this beast of a fic. You guys made 2020 and the first half of 2021 a whole lot more bearable than it would have been otherwise. </p><p>Many of you have told me that this fic gave you something positive to look forward to when everything looked bleak, or even helped you discover new parts of yourselves, and I'm so happy/proud to have been able to give you any sense of relief/comfort and understanding during trying times.</p><p>But! This is not the end! I have MANY more fics planned for this series (yes, series!) What, did you think I was going to write almost 200k of Yuuri and Viktor being romantic idiots without letting you get to see how the relationship actually plays out? There's plenty more yet to discover. Here's just a small list of things I have planned:</p><p>* REAL, non-convention vacation time! Viktor visits Yuuri in Detroit and their relationship deepens~</p><p>* Halloween, cosplay edition! (Is it as glamorous as it sounds? Eehhhhh maybe. We'll let you decide)</p><p>* Viktor's birthday + meeting the Katsuki family for the first time!</p><p>* A fun, late winter convention! Only this time Yuuri and Viktor are sharing a hotel with another cosplay couple. Shenanigans ensue when certain individuals want “alone” time.</p><p>* Viktor further exploring his gender identity and the future of his career</p><p>* (And, perhaps, a certain someone else considering career decisions as well...)</p><p>...All this, and even more that I haven't mentioned yet! But you'll have to wait and see for the rest ; D I do want some surprises, hehehe</p><p>The next fic is tentatively going to be titled “I drove all night to get to you (is that all right?)”. This may or may not change in the future, but I'm pretty sure this will be the title. This was originally going to be the title for this fic until I realized lyrics from Iris worked waaaay better for the theme/s explored in this installation.</p><p>If you want to know when the next fic drops, please subscribe to the series or to my author account! OR you can follow me on tumblr and/or twitter (rosereleasestheart.tumblr.com and https://twitter.com/rosereleasesart respectively), where I'll post links/updates for the next fic/s.</p><p>Thank you all once again for coming on this journey with me. I appreciate the ever loving fuck out of all of you. &lt;3</p><p>Good luck and take care out there!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cosplay Notes!</p><p>(Post) Con Depression: This occurs when you return home from a convention it's all over. The weekend is such a high of good feelings and experiences that you crash real hard once it's all over. People tend to feel sad and wish to go back in time to the convention and relive it all over again. Also coincides with being physically and mentally worn out from how high-energy the convention was. Doesn't happen to everyone or everytime, but it's pretty common.</p><p>con vlog: it's basically a vlog (video blog) that cosplayers make of their convention weekends. There's typically lots of footage of the day or night before the convention starts, traveling, waiting in coffee shops in costumes, getting ready the day/s of, and anything they find or remember to film during the actual convention itself. If you haven't watched any before, I highly recc them. It's wild to watch people start the weekend so full of energy only to wind up supremely exhausted by Sunday lol. Especially if you want to get an idea of how weird conventions can be. I personally recc "amyn the outcast," "koalois," "mishkali," and "dejavudea," they have some of my favourites to watch!</p><p>Crossplay: it's cosplay, but when someone cosplays as a character of a different gender. There's some mixed feelings in the community about it (especially about amab people dressing as feminine/lady characters), but it's probably more common than is assumed? It's very common in anime fandom, for instance lots of girls crossplay as anime boys, you'll likely see it there first before anywhere else. (This is anecdotal though from what I've personally witnessed in my decade or more of cosplaying, I could be wrong about how common this is, or which fandoms have more or less of this.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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